Stephen Ireland wouldn't dare forget to bring his snakeskin pants to Ronaldinho's next pyjama party...would he?

If you think this is good, just wait.

It gets better.

Saturday

- We offered our steamiest congrats to Barcelona's Victor Valdes, who received the Catalan Athlete of the year award.

A lot of things have changed at Liverpool over the last year and a half, and despite the club currently being embroiled in controversy over the Luis Suarez-Patrice Evra situation, Liverpool legend Alan Kennedy is confident that things will continue to move in the right direction.Speaking at the ex-players Christmas party this week, Kennedy highlighted the things that have changed for the better

AC Milan recently held a Christmas party (of course, 'Natale' is incredibly important for the land of the Pope!) where players, coaches, staff and sponsors were invited to mingle, eat cheese and look bloody fabulous. Everyone needs to take a leaf out of these smoldering Italians' books.

Welcome to "The Gents" with Stan Bentley - The Yorkies' regular advice column for our valued readers. Bring your modern day problems and have them answered by the most valued voice - a 1950's journeyman footballer. "Back of the net!"
Hi Stan,
I have to attend a Christmas party this week but I have a problem.

Michael Beauchamp and Aiden meet Santa. Note the 'Fernando' hold is being employed by Michael there an increasingly popular and stylish mode of transport for young men and women. Image: Mark Kolbe/Getty Images AsiaPac.

Alright, so it's not the end of the season, but when was the last time we missed an opportunity to publish pictures of footballers and their delicious offspring?

These are not the Dubes you're looking for It's Michael Duberry. But with boobs. It's Michael Booberry. The former Chelsea defender is now plying his trade in League Two with Oxford United, where the Christmas parties are every bit as wild as the Premier League. Well, we're assuming that this was for a Christmas party.

By Chris Wright

Here's something you probably didn't think you were going to see today: Former Chelsea, Leeds, Stoke and Reading centre-half Michael Duberry dressed up as Princess Leia at the Oxford United Christmas Party...

Amazing what you can do with two croissants.

All across the Serie A, 'tis the season! The holiday season is in full swing – and throughout the Italian peninsula, Serie A clubs have indulged in some very special celebrations. Here's a random sampling of all the Christmas cheer.

The Napoli boys participated in a rather interesting photo shoot, the product of which will serve as next year's annual calendar.

Citing a heavy holiday schedule of four matches in 14 days, Tottenham coach Harry Redknapp has told his players there will be no team Christmas parties. Two years ago, Spurs players drew his ire by staging a team party in Dublin. Manchester City has enjoyed a "fancy-dress" Christmas party and Arsenal's players have been pictured out and about in London.

Don't be misled, people. Despite Marco Borriello's innovative approach to legwear, Roma's Christmas party was not fancy dress. Luckily, other players performed marginally better in the fash stakes, as you can see here. Image via tumblr.

The party spirit has certainly overwhelmed Marco Borriello in this photo, and we must confess to spending a little too much time practicing for our own 'do this week, too.

Are your Louboutins hung by the chimney with care? Have you already gotten so wasted at your office holiday party that you've had to quit your job in shame? Have you opened all of the gifts with your name on them and then re-wrapped them so no one knows about it? Then you are ready for Christmas, dear Kickettes.

Graham Poll: Referees turning into Christmas Turkeys?

It was the referees' Christmas party on Monday.While they were tucking into their turkey dinner, Mark Clattenburg was missing a stonewall penalty at Stamford Bridge. Can a week pass without another poor decision?

By Chris Wright

Just a few hours after getting done over by Chelsea at the Bridge, Man City celebrated their Christmas party just down the road at the Anaya nightclub in Mayfair.

Sadly, there were no Azerbaijani cults, Bengal tigers or Dwarf darts on the night just a good ol' fashioned fancy dress theme and, as with most fancy dress parties, some of the guests went all out (Joe Hart, Owen Hargreaves, etc) and some skirted by on bits and bobs nabbed from their kids' bedrooms at the last minute (Edin Dzeko).

United launch Phil Jones action figure... or is it Mr Potato Head?

Stoke v Spurs was exciting.. but there's no call for that, lino! The week's daftest football quotes, plus Howard Webb stars in textbook Wayne Rooney has revealed that Phil Jones' nickname in the Manchester United dressing room is Glen Quagmire, after the Family Guy character.

Rejoice! Peter Crouch has revived The Robot

England striker throws shape at Stoke's Christmas party

View the full story here: The Mirror

A news article on 2011-12-07 23:00:40 from: The Mirror

This news item has been reproduced from today's media.

By Chris Wright

That's right another week, another 'Mario Balotelli nearly kills himself/someone else' story.

Apparently Balotelli and four of his dumbest friends were forced to bid a hasty escape from his house in the wee small hours of Saturday morning after a perfectly harmless game of 'let's light fireworks in the bathroom' went catastrophically awry.

Click here to view the embedded video.

via dirtytackle.

What a week it's been, Kickettes! We'd barely crawled out from beneath the Weekend Results wreckage before our career choices suffered another brutal assault, The Ramos™ unleashed his 'naughty boy' and Boca blew away the competition in the Pepsi Max Pose-Off.

By Greg Evans

According to the Metro among others, as Man City's leading example of austerity and demure sophistication, 'Mario Balotelli: Party Liaison' has stepped forward and duly volunteered himself to organise Man City's Christmas shindig this year.

"Ooh, ooh!

The Goodison Park stairwell where Carlo Ancelotti was reportedly sacked is a warm and friendly part of the ground, where veteran doormen in blazers exchange pleasantries with old school Evertonians and Bill Kenwright, the club's chairman, floats through dispensing bonhomie.

It is a place, in other words, of decorum and permanence and not the kind of area where a thoroughly capable manager would expect to be dispatched moments after being allowed to say, in a post-match press conference, that a meeting would be held next week to discuss his future.

Guyliner: what's your take on Adrian Mutu's inner-eye rim job?

We might encourage the impression that we're hardened harridans who, when not falling-over-drunk, can usually be found criticising some poor individual's dress sense, but we are actually quite tolerant. Quite frankly, we don't care whether you're male or female, play for Real Madrid or Rotherham United, as long as you rock an individual style and look sexy while doing it, we don't give a crap.

There comes a time in a footballers life when he must put his feet up and take a rest. Usually, this happens when they turn 35 , but for some, there resting is done between the 1st and 70th minute of a game and if they are lucky, the whole 90 minutes plus stoppages...I'm talking, of course, about bench-warmers.

Some say he was born to play for Spurs. Others just stand there, jaw to the floor, STILL lost for words as he absolutely burns down the wing, leaving a trail of weary defenders in his wake. And, to think, he used to be a bit rubbish. Signed by Martin Jol ages ago and announced himself with disgracefully good free-kick against Arsenal.