Here is my thinking:

1. Harry is battered and bruised after the court case, just look at the interview this morning outside his home in Dorset. Think all the media pressure and the cushy job at Spuds, no doubt a massive pay rise and more money for players to come from Levy will mean... thanks but no thanks.

Greetings, from the most environmentally friendly Tim Stillman Column yet, powered as it is entirely by the smug sense of satisfaction I get from watching John Terry's putrid goblin face eating turf. Perhaps it's about time those odious Chav cunts stopped singing about mowing the meadow and actually started doing it, so that their abomination of a captain wouldn't have to get down on all fours and do it with his teeth.

There's a certain retro feel about the Premiership this year, what with Norwich and QPR knocking about on the shop floor. It's like the mid-nineties again; a more innocent time when Trevor Sinclair, Darren Eadie, Les Ferdinand and Ruel Fox could justifiably call themselves king. (Well, perhaps not the last one.

Another away London derby and one which has always been special to me.

When I was "maturing" the Chelsea side were terrific, no, not just terrific they were Glamourous. The Kings Road, Osgood, Tambling, Charlie Cooke etc etc they were seriously cool and going to their ground had a certain frisson which was very different to going to Highbury (Fulham Rd v Holloway Rd you get my drift?

By Chris Wright

As of a few minutes ago, the FA have announced the cancellation of England's friendly against Holland at Wembley tomorrow evening, due to the ongoing chav uprising that is sweeping through London the right call, we're sure you'll agree.

It remains to be seen whether or not the opening weekend of Premier League fixtures will be affected or not though, thankfully, international peace broker Wayne Rooney has stepped in to help politely quell the disturbances by then.

This season marks the first time in 35 years that Manchester City have won a trophy, and only the fourth season in the last ten when Chelsea haven't. Yet, despite the unprecedented success these clubs have enjoyed of late, and the vast amounts of cash sloshing around their bank accounts, they remain, now and forever, without class.

A trip up to the north west beckons our weary team and our magnificent travelling support.

Some would say we're a team traumatised by recent setbacks in the league: the loss of a two goal lead last time out, the late, late penalty equaliser against the ‘dippers last weekend and the pair of home nil-nils against Blackburn and Sunderland.

Fashion puts it stamp on just about every decade. From 60's suits to 70's flares, the puff-ball skirts, rolled-up jacket sleeves and torn jeans of the 80's, through to the beginnings of the anti-fashion trend in the '90's and finally on to the chav-and-Ugg's generation we have now. Football jerseys have moved with the times too, capturing the styles of the day.