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USA-Canada: As exciting as this picture suggests. I will toot my own horn by saying I predicted a
lifeless 0-0 draw on Twitter on Saturday when, especially after the USMNT had 11 shared goals in
two games, I knew this was the only game of theirs I'd see live this week. Bah friggin humbug.
Merry Christmas to me.
Embrace doubt. I will now say several truths about you, intrepid USMNT supporter. You are sure of
nothing. You expect all things, those being pendulum sweeps from the unfathomably incredible to the
unthinkably awful. You believe Jermaine Jones can and most likely will make both a brilliant and a
numbskull decision in the span of 60 seconds.
The face of a growing fan faction? WUFC thinks so. Over the course of the last decade or so, MLS
has undergone the painstaking process of outgrowing its training wheels. The sparks of life the
league cradled so delicately in the 90s are roaring into full-fledged wildfires that dance loud and
bright on green fielde3s from Seattle to DC.
CJ Sapong is scoring again. Loogout. With May just about in the books, the Grinder is feeling
fairly list oriented this fine (unbelievably hot) Memorial Day. I have little use for weekly power
rankings, those tropes of hyper analysis. But they can serve a purpose when pulled out to a macro
level every now and again, and that's where the Grinder goes today.
Game starts at 8 p.m. in Jacksonville, but we get the tailgate started early at NSC. Pop some tops
and let's get to it. The most intriguing news to come out of camp this week were perplexing
comments from Donovan that put voice to the lackluster visuals we've been seeing from LD in MLS
this season. They are, in case you hadn't read them, as follows.
I do so enjoy midweek MLS. More games, more goals. And I've got two doozies for you lot. The first
comes courtesy of AND I WAS LIKE EMILIOOOOOOO Renteria. Just proves you never know with this game.
Columbus had two shots on target all night and two goals. This was undoubtedly the prettier of the
two.
After another night chock-full of action, we're done with the second round of the 99th USOC. Which
means MLS teams are about ready to jump into the pool. And of course it also means Seattle is
rifling through its checkbook. Couple notes from Tuesday's results: — By beating the Chicago
Fire's PDL unit 2-1, the Dayton Dutch Lions earned a date with the Columbus Crew in the third
round.
Tuesday is, for me, the week's most evil day most weeks. So why not liven it up with some choice
cuts from MLS and further afield? - Will Parchman
There are a lot of things to like about getting married, but missing Chelsea's proudest moment for
wearying (but satisfying, honey!) engagement photos is not among them. It also washed out my
ability to watch any MLS live, so I spent the few hours or so scouring Twitter and gorging on MLS
Live clips to catch up.
If you'll go way back to the ides of March, that MLS-less time when we all had to look across the
shore for our footy fixes, I came out with my all-Two Door Cinema Club XI. It was a group with an
eye toward breakout seasons from 11 of the league's unheralded stars, some young, some old. The
very nature of the business of predictions involves making yourself look unbelievably stupid at
times,
This is what playing time looks like Juan Agudelo is going to LA. Heath Pierce is going to NY. Big
gulps, eh? This, to me, shot not out of left field but out of outer space. For those of us
monitoring Danny Califf's situation in Philly, ready to pounce on another strange twist in Peter
Nowak's career in the city of bro-ed out love, the idea of Juan Agudelo entering the fray didn't
even
He wants to reintroduce himself with a tying goal in the hilariously brief, four-team Canadian
championship. Eric is good for at least one of these meteor strikes a year. Dude is still pissed at
Nagbe, apparently. - Will Parchman
Stanislaus United Turlock Express, our plucky adopted NSC USOC team, lost its glass slipper tonight
in the first round of the US Open Cup, bowing out 2-0 to Fresno Fuego in the 1st round. Shame, but
there are still plenty of interesting storylines left to be had. Another unfortunate loss (from my
perspective) was NY Greek American Atlas, which found itself on the wrong end of a 2-1 result
against
Yes, I realize my truancy on the matter of the Grinder is glaring. I've been city hopping all
weekend for work and haven't been able to level my gaze appropriately on MLS' doings. I hope to
have something up later, but in the event that the day gets away from me, we'll start today with
Brad Davis' howitzer to open BBVA (which will henceforth be known as The Bank) in style.
I don't always drink beer, but when I do... Alessandro Nesta is too old for MLS. At 36, he's just
old enough to be hobbled by age and run through by years of playing in three major running cup
competitions a year. Milan squeezed just about every droplet of talent from the Roman, who will be
37 by the time he finishes his first full MLS preseason.
Raul was actually born in 1947. True story. In the sort of fixture that makes you rub your eyes in
the confused half-light of early season-meets season's end, Schalke is visiting PPL Park today to
rub elbows (and hopefully not ankles) with the Union. It is a bizarre scheduling quirk that adds
the burden of a midweek game to the clogged schedule of a Union team which has had little luck this
We start with a freakishly well-struck ball from Papiss Demba Cisse of Newcastle, who all but
scuttled Chelsea's plans of a top four finish. Not that it'll matter if Bayern goes down, but I
digress... This will probably beat out Peter Crouch for EPL goal of the year, I'd imagine. Next we
have Parma's Giovinco, whose self-created volley against Siena is a thing of beauty.
And, ladies and gents, we have our first real goal of the year frontrunner. Seattle's own Fredy
Montero makes a flash appearance with a thunderclap from on high to set the final score at 2-0 in a
tone-setting win over the Galaxy. Watching this game tonight made me wonder whether Bruce Arena
conceded defeat before the opening whistle blew.
I've never seen Simon Borg as an unnecessary drink stirrer. He typically gets his point in, gets in
a strange comment and produces a few guffaws in the process. He's never been a Skip Bayless
protege, but rather he's erred on the goofy side of argumentative. He's carved out a role at MLS
and plays it well.
You know where we begin this week. A lovely flick from Ramires out of nowhere puts Chelsea through.
But don't think we're leaving the Catalans off the list. Rayo were the unfortunate benefactors of
Barca's scorn, and this goal earns its place here more for the build-up. Messi makes, Keita takes.
Before we get going today, wanted to give a little update on our buddies Stanislaus United Turlock
Express from California. SUTE downed the Bay Area Ambassadors 3-0 on Saturday night to claim an
historic berth in the USOC. With the win, SUTE becomes the first US Club Soccer team to qualify for
the USOC in the 99-year history of the event.
As Bayern and Madrid fight through the morass of aching leg muscles in extra time at the Bernabeu,
I bring you an MLS play in two parts. The Dichotomy of Goalmouth Tragicomedy, I call it. - Will
Parchman
...I am here to provide you with a new, fervent rooting interest for the 2012 US Open Cup. Martyn
Artista's brace guided Northern California club outfit Stanislaus United Turlock Express past
Napoli 5-2 and just a breath from qualifying for the 99th USOC. If they do it, which requires they
beat NPSL side Bay Area Ambassadors, it would be US Club Soccer's first-ever participant in the
USOC.
This was just a piece of Brazilian artistry. And that was it. That was all they needed. A(nother)
Lampard-to-Ramires break, a(nother) brilliant touch by Ramires, a(nother) stunner. So down goes
mighty Barca, already relegated to second place in its own league and now out of the CL competition
it has so thoroughly dominated two of the last three years.
Bas Rutten: "Knee to da groin" Game of the Week DC United 4, New York 1 In the Barra Brava, the
atmosphere rained down richly, chants and middle fingers and lager-infused songs spilling down
harder and faster than the rain pelting and deadening the RFK playing surface. But on the field,
there was little evidence of this being the most heated, longest-running rivalry in the league —
the
This is just getting absurd. Here we all thought LA was poised to be the best MLS team since DC's
early run and suddenly SKC is out to, by far, the best start in league history. And LA is in eighth
in the West sandwiched between Vancouver and Portland. West Coast represent. Speaking of LA, this
is cool.
Brilliant. You know I'm wearing my Chels top at work today. Possession numbers: horridly lopsided.
Chances: the ball was basically colored the shade of the Barca players' boots by game's end. But
thank God for London weather, Messi's 5-second burst of humanity after an ungraceful split at the
tail end of the first half and a cyborg striker named Didier Drogba.
A part of me is shocked Marquez is still in the league. Rick Carlisle agrees somewhat. MLS breaks
down the biggest decisions of Week 6, and Marquez's shameful body tackle on Shea Salinas, which
left the latter with a broken collarbone, leads the lot. What a toolshed. - Will Parchman
I dig them. Here's why, and feel free to follow me down this rabbit hole. Or simply watch me get
lost by myself. Either way, we're playing a game of Alice in Wonderland here instead of Where's
Waldo. Jacob. This country has no real triumphant soccer history to hold onto, certainly none
beholden to a particular jersey style.
The craziest thing about Messi's goal here is his closing speed. Look how quickly he toggles the
afterburners to run onto this shot. You never think you'll be surprised by Messi again, and then he
scores again. Aberdeen's Rory Fallon channels Zidane on this wonder strike. A sly finish from
Ganso, Neymar's forgotten transfer-rumored teammate.
So my weekend was spent in a single press box covering six (six! seis! sechs!) soccer games in two
(two! dos! zwei!) days, none (none!...aw hell you get it) of which were MLS games, sadly. My sixth
game, perhaps just to spite me, went into overtime. That's 17 hours in a press box in a 31-hour
span. Yes, I counted.
Things are afoot. Let us round up and see. The US fell in the world rankings again today. Without
playing a game, it should be said. What are your thoughts on the US at No. 29? Nestled cozily in a
neighborhood with Japan, Slovenia and Edin Dzeko's Bosnia-Herzegovina, which might as well not have
any other players.
Easter Sunday did me in. I rolled away from the dinner table so full of ham that I could hardly
breathe. The irony of eating pork during a holiday that shares time with the Jewish Passover was
not lost on me, but alas. I was so sated on honey-glazed ham and gruyere-soaked scalloped potatoes
that I wasn't able to hold open my eyes long enough to clack out a few sentences on an MLS weekend
that,
And that includes Matt Reis. Was anybody more visibly pissed over Ugo's 95th-minute winner than
Reis? The guy who'd turned away FCD time after time on Thursday? The only positive for NE (if
you're a silver lining kind of guy) is that Heaps' ideology of possession is sinking in. NE bossed
play and owned a 59-41 edge in possession, out-shot Dallas and significantly out-passed them as
well.
Hard to swallow. I call Steve Zakuani, David Ferreira and Javier Morales The Three. I'm sure nobody
else does this, categorizes them in this way, but then I'm strange. They are three players on three
different teams with a seemingly nominal connection. Injuries. But they are intertwined, these
three creative midfielders, in a way that's intrigued me since all three went out with major
I was in the Bay Area last week visiting family on vacation. Glamorous lifestyle? Yes. Of course. I
ride only in the finest Hummer H7's (never heard of them? You will), outfitted with golden hot
tubs, three different satellite providers just because and 26 bottles of 1798 Chambord opened by
Napoleon himself.
I have some beef with MLS. And I caution you in advance: Don't read more into this than I'm
spitting out. I know I'm about to get all #firstworldprobs on you, but MLS Live's blackout deal
with Galavision sucks. OK, so you can't overlap on NBC. You can't cut in on ESPN either. But I can
understand Arlo White and Taylor Twellman, even though sometimes I'd rather not.
Do you like fire? And freestyle soccer? Vague and poorly assembled plots? How about ocelots on
leashes? POWER'SPLOSION! - Will Parchman
Just wanted another excuse to look at those unis This could be a lot of fun to watch. Forget me and
forget that you're browsing the interwebs for a minute. There is no spoon. Look at this lineup
Caleb Porter pushed out against Cuba, study it, close your eyes and tell me the first thing that
comes to mind.
The end of my personal life FIFA video games have not been the solar center of my life since the
late 90's, but it is fair to say they've been a prominent planet orbiting in my solar system. I
found the series through FIFA '98: Road to the World Cup, and I can still hear Blur's Song 2
echoing through the chambers of my memory, see the 32-bit engine attempting to carve out a decent
facsimile of
