By Chris Wright

'The Hart Fart' appears to be a phenomenon that most Man City fans are aware of already, being as though their official in-house television channel has already produced an in-depth analysis package to accompany the video.

For the unenlightened, the clip is taken from City's 2011 blooper reel and sees Joe Hart letting go of a little bum toot in the back of a taxi, with captain Vincent Kompany trying desperately to keep a straight face in order to admonish young Joseph and his rogue sphincter, while Micah Richards just explodes in fits of howling laughter.

By Alan Duffy

Gary Lineker may himself exude a certain charm-free smugness but next to the high king of smug gobshitery that is Piers Morgan, the Match Of The Day host is a crisp-promoting little sweetie bum.

Morgan took on Lineker on Twitter today, as he continues to cultivate his contrived "Mr Nasty" image.

Make no mistake about it, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain has created a buzz amongst Gooners that is only comparable with Charlie Sheen mangled on Tigerblood.
The boy has burst onto the scene in explosive fashion since making his first league start for Arsenal against Manchester United last month.

Images: MadridAtleticos.com & Autobild.es.

The Atletico Madrid men were out in full press call-posing force last week, making nice with their club's newest sponsor, Volkswagen.

After the flash bulbs took a breather, the squad was given instructions on how to activate the automatic hair gel dispensers that were custom fit to each player's new (free) Beatle.

Hold on tight and hold your nose Lifting a stretcher should not be one of life's more complicated tasks, and yet it catches out hapless stretcher bearers on a surprisingly regular basis. This incident comes Brazil and the match between Internacional and Confianca. The injured player should have known he was in for a rough [.

If I had to sum up the first half in one word, it would be boring. If I had to sum up the second half in one hyphenated word it would be squeaky-bum. We looked flat in the first half an the attackers really weren't in the game, the second half, we nicked a cheeky goal from nowhere, looked like we would go on and get a few more, but instead spent the last 20 minutes with our backs to the wall.

Why the title race will become the battle of the mind games

Roberto Mancini knows all about squeaky bum time. In 2008, his Inter Milan team ­frittered away an 11-point ­advantage at the top of Serie A and went into the final game of the ­season needing to win at Parma to ensure the league title.

Frank Lampard was strolling past team-mate Fernando Torres to take his place on the Chelsea bench during last night's match against Spurs when the Spaniard's prone buttocks proved too much of a temptation. Lamps had to have a quick feel of Torres' bum. Manager Andre Villas Boas had already had a slightly less tender slap [.

Well, with a little time separating us from the season I thought I would take a little time to recount some of my favorite moments from the season, you know the ones that really stuck with me as a relatively new soccer fan. These are sequenced in order of my preference, and are subject to my personal memory at the time.

Why Abramovich must keep faith with AVB

Andre Villas-Boas can't win. I'm not talking about three shattering defeats to Arsenal, Liverpool and now Bayer Leverkusen but the Catch-22 situation he finds himself in at Chelsea. Roman Abramovich brought him on a mission in to transition out some of the old guard and to play exciting football.

Milan Jovanovic shown red card for backside push

Following on from the Iran football federation's decision to suspend two footballers for bum squeezing, it appears referees in Belgium have followed up with a strict approach of their own.

View the full story here: The Mail

A news article on 2011-11-12 22:45:02 from: The Mail

This news item has been reproduced from today's media.

By Chris Wright

Unsurprisingly, Fiorentina midfielder Riccardo Montolivo has been forced to issue a grovelling apology for letting a little chuckle slip out during a pre-game minute's silence for the victims of the recent flash-flooding in and around Genoa...

After the game against Chievo on Sunday afternoon, Montolivo apologised profusely for his lack of tact, saying:

"I am ashamed of my smile during the minute's silence.

'No, honestly. It's fine. Break the two hundred goal record and celebrate with him first, why don't you?' Image: MICHAL CIZEK/AFP/Getty Images.

A manmeat feast with a side of sofa bum and extra short tent?

Enjoy your meal.

Arsenal 0-0 Marseille

Potentially a three-fer here, people.

By Chris Wright

Two Persepolis players, Mohammed Nosrati and Sheis Rezaei, have been banned from entering any and all Iranian stadiums after partaking in a post-goal 'bum grope' celebration during the Persian Gulf Cup match with Damash Gilan - a match that was broadcast live to a vast audience in the staunchly conservative Islamic county.

I have a confession to make: there's a small part of me that's relieved we lost on Saturday.

The recent run of good form has been a fascinating watch, and thoroughly deserved after the work the boys put in to turn things around following Peterborough away.
But it had to end some time.

There's no way Nigel de Jong pant theatrics didn't leave his bum with rug burn. There's just no way. Image Credit: Michael Regan/Getty Images Europe.

Chelsea/Czech Republic goalkeeper, Petr Cech, played the drums with Czech rock band Eddie Stoilow at Rock Cafe Club in Prague a few nights ago, which looked to be a helluva good time.

One can only hope, however, that the lady whose bum he was cupping off stage was his lawfully wedded wife and not some groupie.

KFC, Kenny Effin Cooper, Kenny <bleep> Cooper. Great nickname! Doubly so because his middle name doesn't even start with an 'F' (his middle name is Scott, by the way). I'm not even really sure where the nickname originated from. I was there at the press conference announcing him and it certainly wasn't introduced there!

By Chris Wright

Spotted before last weekend's Merseyside derby, here we see a ridiculously tetchy Luis Suarez taking the warm-up far too seriously...

Calm down mardy bum, have a biscuit.

Anyone else suprised Ol' Luis didn't clutch his shin and leap three feet in the air when that sprinkler went off?

Frank Lampard spoke to the media after playing an important role in our 1-1 draw at Valencia by scoring his first of the season. As we all know Frank has been the subject of speculation about his future recently at club and international level and was quick to point out that although he may have been unhappy sitting on the bench, he would never do what Carlos Tevez has done this week!

The more we catch Mario Balotelli in plain clothes, the less we like him. And although we like to pretend he's aware of this fact, it didn't stop his inner fashion criminal from doing some dressed-down damage to the streets of Milan on Monday with his girlfriend.

In other words, 'Super Mario' has a lot to learn about being a rich and famous 'baller.

RSL and New York battle in a huge match tonight. (Getty Images)

Only a few weeks remain in the 2011 regular season. The squeaky-bum time is now for several MLS teams as the playoffs are near. All three of tonight's games have playoff implications surrounding them in some form or fashion. One team can even clinch a playoff berth (as long as a few other things happen).

The Philly Soccer Page " MacMath: "They wanted to tell me I was ready."

At a conference call Monday afternoon, Zac MacMath talked to reporters about his first half in MLS, how he found out he was going in, and what he needs to do to help the team reach the playoffs.

The DOOP we never took | Union Dues

Well, we came up short again in Salt Lake.

Image Credit: Michael Regan/Getty Images. See more 'ballers working hard for their national teams here.

Uh...can we get a little help here?

Scout's honour, we're legitimately confused as to whom this rear belongs to (Scott Parker?)

The only thing we can say for sure is that this bum-in-question needs to be brought back from the evil, base layer dark side.

Image Credit: Michael Regan/Getty Images. See more 'ballers working hard for their national teams here. U

Uh...can we get a little help here?

Scout's honour, we're legitimately confused as who this rear belongs to (Scott Parker?)

The only thing we can say for sure is that this bum-in-question needs to be brought back from the evil, base layer dark side.

Thats right we are back and the converts are chomping at the bit to let you guys know how they have been doing over the break and letting you guys know how much the MLS means to us all the way across the water.
So without further hesitation here they are....



SAM BARKER(Philadelphia Union)
So I've not written anything, or followed the Union as well as I could have, for the past few weeks.

Whilst predicting who will be in the running for the title is about as easy as looting a JD Sports in Hackney, a perhaps far more difficult task is looking at who are the contenders for the chop. So let's take a look at the managers facing a "squeaky bum time".
Harry Redknapp

I'm gonna start off with a potential left field choice in good old ‘arry from the Lane.

First Antonella, now DBecks? Suddenly we understand every man's need to stroke the contours of a expensive new car.

Dear Kickette Army Loyalists,

Enclosed please find two pieces of photographic evidence for your review: David Beckham working out his bubble bum from this past weekend; the father of four's post-match scowl + latest ink work (which is his cuddly newborn daughter's name scrawled across his clavicle).

Love and Football Narendranath Pingle "Does my bum look big in this one?" "Oh no, honey, you look gorgeous!" "Why on earth did they bring in this one? Were he good, they wouldn't have sold! Obnoxious!" The man who lies to the wife at every turn, With his Club seems to be only most righteous. [...]

Captain Caveman, Carles Puyol, showed his 'cheeky' side at training yesterday. Although it's not as pronounced as our premiere booty popper's bodacious bum, it's still a good view. Image: Pep Morata/Mundo Deportivo.

Happy one-day-late, cheeky bum pat birthday to A.C. Milan & Italian NT man, Antonio Cassano, who continuously supports our belief that there's no need for pants. We hope this match ritual is one he passes down to his son Christopher once he becomes age appropriate. Image: Claudio Villa/Getty Images.

By Chris Wright

The biggest news emanating from the transfer market this morning is that Chile have allowed Alexis Sanchez to leave their Copa America training camp in order to travel to Barcelona and rubber-stamp a transfer after Udinese accepted Barca's $45 million (approx £26.

To put things bluntly, Baton Rouge have stumbled mightily at the start of this summer's Premier Development League campaign. Although the capital club is not alone, with 2010 champions Portland U-23 finding themselves nine points off the pace in a rather competitive Northwest Division and beaten finalists Thunder Bay second from bottom in the Heartland Division (having only played two matches thus far), Baton Rouge coach Stuart Hayers must surely be getting nervous as the Capitals still sit twelve points adrift of reaching a playoff position.

The official Spurs website is full of reports from players looking back on the 2010-11 season and while there's nothing that you wouldn't expect them to be saying, it was interesting to see them comment on the pivotal tie of our season.

Rewind 12 months from today and we were looking forward to our first Champions League tie with some trepidation and we knew that there were some dangerous sides in the preliminary rounds.

via Goff

D.C. United defender Dejan Jakovic injured a hamstring in the first half of the Canada's 2-2 draw with Ecuador on Wednesday night in Toronto, the team's final tuneup for the Gold Cup.

Looks like the Bum Hammy Hammer doesn't respect national borders.
Hmmm.

Image Sources: Ahh_Serie A; Racked.com.

A week ago the well suited studs of AC Milan pranced their perky bootays around the red carpet outside the Dolce & Gabbana Milan flagship shop to launch the club's new 'book' (as styled by D&G), Milan Fashion: Soccer Players Portraits.

A hundred-plus pages full of pictures and minimal copy?

More runny than squeaky bum time Now you might have sat at home on your sofa watch the relegation zone change more than Michael Jackson under the knife, but hasn't it always been so? Surely the last day is never boring? Today we look at home and abroad to find some truly mental final day [...]

Ducky's Note: BFZ's regular Manc Bharat lays out a red-tinted view of how the season has ended up for each of the Big Four... or Five I think. Oh and in case it wasn't clear, this is the view of a Manc looking from the outside with respect to the other clubs, so it is very very possible that you will not agree.

Paul Scholes has today claimed that there is no better manager to have than Sir Alex Ferguson when it comes to this point of the season, thanks to the years of experience he's had winning titles.

After winning the title off the pitch in the past, following mind games with managers like Kevin Keegan and Rafael Benitez, Scholes reckons Fergie knows just what to do and say to win the league.

The ‘Squeaky Bum Time' saying has not been uttered as many times as it has been in previous seasons; indeed, Manchester United have led the chasing pack for a prolonged period. And, even in the so-called business end of the campaign, United have looked a team with an air of confidence and a side destined for success – but that deserted them here at the Emirates, looking alien to the side that powered past Schalke in midweek.