One last note on the old DT: Turns out we won't be able to redirect the old RSS feed to the new
one (the URL will redirect, but the RSS won't), so if you currently subscribe, you'll have to
switch to the new one here. I offer sincere apologies and a bushel of used batteries for the
inconvenience, but making the switch will certainly be worth it.
Leg one of the Manchester Derby Carling Cup semifinal truly lived up to the hype, with
Carlos Tevez getting his revenge, Gary Neville getting fingery, and Mancini getting the best of Sir
Alex. But as great as it was, we really can't help but ask...what if it continued?
97′ Sir Alex Ferguson chews his gum so hard that it actually starts to bleed.
If you plan on kidnapping any WAGS, I'm gonna have to go ahead and warn against it. Not just for
the moral and legal problems such an activity would present, but also because now they have this
panic alarm disguised as an iPod that sounds like it would thoroughly ruin any WAG-napping
The matches to watch after you realize Manchester United assistant Mike Phelan was trying to
look like a member of Oasis with his fur-lined coat last weekend. And that the Bundesliga is
finally back from its 600-day Christmas break.
Stoke City v Liverpool at Britannia Stadium What could possibly go wrong for Liverpool
Bayern Munich's Arjen Robben got all bent out of shape when teammate Philipp Lahm went in for a
hard challenge on the fragile Dutchman during training. Robben was quick to shove Lahm after the
tackle that probably almost shattered his entire body and stand over him as would only dare against
a li'l guy like Philipp.
You remember when Standard Liege's Axel Witsel ruined the life of Anderlecht's Marcin Wasilewski
and gave us all night terrors forever by breaking his leg in half? Of course you do because it
probably still makes you scream at randoms points in the day.
Well, these two teams met again on Sunday and, once again, Witsel got sent off, but this time on
a far more questionable call (he got the ball first and you can't even see Roland Juhasz in frame
when he starts sliding) and a whole hubbub ensued.
Be sure you have the sound on when watching this, because the sound effects make it wonderful. I
mean, even though Charles eats it just as much as the kid he slams into, I still walk away feeling
like he's an ultimate badass simply because of that tiger growl and the helpful "What a tackle!
This video start out all nice just a young blonde girl kicking the ball around, not hurting
anyone, then POW! She rocks her friend with the camera right in the face. That ball had some
serious zip on it, too.
She says she "didn't mean to" do it at the end, but you don't almost decapitate your friend with
a laser shot like that purely by accident.
Alright, so the quality of this video couldn't have been worse if they smeared Vaseline on the
camera's lens and then deep fried it, but you should be able to see the striker deliver a death
blow to the goalkeeper's chest at the end there.
Now, that striker had a choice. He could have either gone for control of ball and risked getting
smashed himself, or completely ignore the ball and try to ram his leg through the cockles of the
(Skip ahead to 1:24 into the video if you don't want to see a pretty Leo Messi goal)
With his side already down 4-0 to Barcelona in the 85th minute on Sunday, Tenerife's Ezequiel
Luna said "screw it" and decided to make a desperate and ill-timed challenge from behind on Pedro,
which resulted in him poking in an own goal.
When he's not having racist taunts being yelled at home from both his own and opposing fans or
having Serie A owners say how the entire country hates him, Mario Balotelli is apparently sitting
in his car, endlessly honking the horn. From Football Italia:
Inter striker Mario Balotelli has been fined €38 for repeatedly honking his horn on Milan's
Corso Buenos Aires, according to Il Giorno.
Ok, that headline might sound like some kind of stereotypical slur against Italians, but in this
case it's not Roberto Mancini really does want his Man City players to have pizza and wine as part
of their pre-match meal. He says:
"I have found myself in a very different world and I am trying to adapt without changing the
La Gazzetta dello Sport reports that after scoring twice in AC Milan's 3-0 win over
Juventus last weekend, Ronaldinho decided to ditch his teammates and remain in Turin to celebrate
his success and his brother/agent's 39th birthday at a nightclub, where he performed with a samba
band from Rio, playing the drums and singing (pictured above, center).
Disgraced former Juve chief and Calciopoli evil-doer Luciano Moggi is a bitter, and apparently
very chatty man. He recently spoke about Jose Mourinho and this Serie A season to someone who
really shouldn't have given him the time of day, saying:
We've seen the insanity of Milanese commentators before, but during Inter's improbably 4-3 come
from behind win over Siena on Saturday, this guy not only reminded us of that fantastic tradition,
but reset the standard for psychotic commentating, then wrapped it an Inter scarf and humped the
bejesus out of it.
Putting Francesco Totti and his beautiful wife Ilary Blasi in your advertisement is automatic
success. I mean, what other player would willing agree to make themselves look dumb enough to try
and read a computer like a book or attempt to toast bread with it?
After his recent Twitter rant about being left out of Liverpool's squad for last weekend's
draw with Stoke, Ryan Babel has taken it upon himself to apologize to Rafa Benitez in order to get
back in the manager's good graces. The following is a transcript of that apology.
Sol Campbell is back with Arsenal at the age of 35. He begins his return with a reserves
match and according to Wenger, he's an important dressing room figure for the youthful Arsenal
squad. The following is a transcript of how Sol and Arsene reached their agreement.
From the same horrible file of too much information as the story about Jose Mourinho telling
Frank Lampard how great he is while he soaps his balls comes this little nugget John Terry told
Chelsea's official magazine about his preference for a specific urinal at Stamford Bridge:
After confirming that everything was a-ok with his life in London once his wife joined him back
in August and he figured how to park and use credit cards, it seemed Andrei Arshavin was well on
his way to being a slightly normal human being. But, as it turns out, he's still having a difficult
go of it.
Poor Owen Coyle. Branded a Judas after skipping out on his so-far successful Burnley project for
Bolton, the club that won his heart over the two and half years he played there (before they sold
him for a nice profit mid-season), Coyle has been down in the dumps these last few days. At his
Bolton unveiling, he whimpered:
"Whoever used that term [Judas], be it websites or newspapers, I can't do anything about.
You really can't accuse NAC Breda's Ellery Cairo of getting a cheap goal in his side's 1-1 draw
with Ajax on Sunday. As you can see at the start of the video above, Cairo found himself one-on-one
with the goalkeeper after an NAC breakaway. The keeper got the best of him on his sliding shot, but
Cairo's teammate quickly crossed the ball back to him just as he got his feet.
AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
1. THE EXCITABLE INTER COMMENTATOR I UNDERSTAND THAT HE WAS EXCITED BUT WHAT WAS WITH ALL THE
YELLING?!??!?!! WHAT KIND OF IDIOT YELLS LIKE THAT?!?!?!?! AHHHHHHHHH I THINK ONE OF MY VOCAL
CHORDS JUST SNAPPED!
How can it be? ... How can it be true that Barcelona have been eliminated from the Copa del Rey?
... Is that even allowed? ... Have they forgotten that we play beautiful football and, therefore,
must always win for the good of the game? ... There must be some mistake.
Remember that report about how Fat Ronaldo had already started preseason workouts and was going
to lose weight like it's half price day at the liposuction clinic? Well, it turns out that didn't
happen. In fact, he's even fatter.
Upon returning to to training after the holidays, Corinthians discovered that Fat Ronaldo had
packed on an extra four kilos to his already well-padded frame.
AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
1. OLD FIRM DERBY I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS SO GOOD TO FINALLY BE PLAYING AGAIN!!!!!
UNTIL THAT BABY EATER LEE MCCULLOCH SCORED FOR RANGERS TWO MINUTES AFTER WE SCORED AND THE GAME
ENDED IN A DRAW!
See that? How the ball bounces off the crossbar and then play stops and MSV Duisburg's Christian
Tiffert shrugs as his teammates congratulate him? Yeah that was a goal. Well, the officials
declared it a goal, even though it clearly hit the bar and then bounced a full meter in front of
It's been an ugly season for La Liga's caboose club Xerez. They have just one win and seven
points to their credit so far, which they figured was grounds enough to sack their manager earlier
this week. So who do you turn to when you've pretty much already been relegated and need nothing
short of a miracle to remain in the top flight?