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English Premier League

Hull rebrand as Hull City Tigers ahead of new Premier League season

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Hull City will be formally known as Hull City Tigers for the new Premier League season. The decision to make the club sound like a speedway team for their return to top-flight football has been made by owners Assem and Ehab Allam. They're ditching the 'AFC' from the end of the current name and replacing [.

Video: Nicolas Anelka looks delighted to have signed for West Brom

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You don't become Le Sulk without being a pretty moody so-and-so. Even after signing a nice new contract to return to the Premier League, Nicolas Anelka was unable to lift the gloom. The Frenchman agreed a deal to join West Brom on a one-year contract. The Baggies become his sixth Premier League club, joining Arsenal, [.

Move over AVB. 8-year-old secures interview for Doncaster Rovers manager job

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Forget about that bald bloke heading to the Bundesliga, the only managerial development of significant note this week belongs to Doncaster Rovers. After Dean Saunders skipped off to coach Wolves a couple of weeks back, it appears that the League One side are targeting a much younger manager for the hot-seat.

Time To Get Tough With The “Already On The Way Down” Brigade?

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I watched a lot of football over the weekend: Manchester United versus Fulham, in which some Dutch bloke scuffed the ball over the line; Chelsea v Newcastle, a mid table clash between the fifth and sixth best teams in England; Stoke v Arsenal, in which a party of brave adventurers including at least one dwarf travelled to Mordor, failed to slay some Orcs and came home again; and, finally, a mugging in Liverpool (I know that's not news, but this one was a footballing mugging, with the away team stealing an undeserved point).

Time To Get Tough With The “Already On The Way Down” Brigade?

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I watched a lot of football over the weekend: Manchester United versus Fulham, in which some Dutch bloke scuffed the ball over the line; Chelsea v Newcastle, a mid table clash between the fifth and sixth best teams in England; Stoke v Arsenal, in which a party of brave adventurers including at least one dwarf travelled to Mordor, failed to slay some Orcs and came home again; and, finally, a mugging in Liverpool (I know that's not news, but this one was a footballing mugging, with the away team stealing an undeserved point).

Ashes to Ashes + focus now on Walcott’s contract

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Morning all and welcome to a brand new week. I'm beginning to think that Archer, the new dog, is part alarm clock. Every morning somewhere between 6 and 6.30am he gives a little 'yip' to say he's awake and needs to go out. Handy, for sure, but earlier than I'd like.

We'll start this morning at the Euros and it was penalty shoot-out heartbreak for England again last night as a double dose of Ashley cost England a place in the semi-finals.

Ashes to Ashes + focus now on Walcott’s contract

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Morning all and welcome to a brand new week. I'm beginning to think that Archer, the new dog, is part alarm clock. Every morning somewhere between 6 and 6.30am he gives a little 'yip' to say he's awake and needs to go out. Handy, for sure, but earlier than I'd like.

We'll start this morning at the Euros and it was penalty shoot-out heartbreak for England again last night as a double dose of Ashley cost England a place in the semi-finals.

Argentina 4-0 Ecuador: Aguero And Messi On Form For La Albiceleste (Photos & Highlights)

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By Alan Duffy

While Europe prepares for Euro 2012, across the Atlantic in South America, they are already battling it out for a place in the 2014 World Cup in Brazil.

While Uruguay could only draw 1-1 at home to Venezuela on Saturday, Chile won 2-0 away at Bolivia.

West Ham fan quits as best man via banner

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West Ham's comfortable 5-0 aggregate play-off victory over Cardiff City ought to have been cause for celebration in East London last night. But not for 'Chris'. 'Chris' was busy trying to draft in a second-choice best man at short notice. OTP can deduce that 'Chris' is due to tie the knot on May 19, the [.

Top 10 conclusions: Arsenal 1-2 Wigan

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1. At one point it appeared that this bloke had gone to get a topical t-shirt printed mid-match. 2. Being played off the park at the Emirates must hurt Arsene Wenger far more than being kicked off the park at the Britannia. 3. During commentary, Sky Sports' Martin Tyler said that Wenger was the worst [.

Tangled up in Blue: Match Preview

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Apart from supporters of the doomed bottom 3 is there a football fan who doesn't want Wigan to escape relegation?  Their PL survival is a mystery given the small ground, low attendances and limited finances - they are the (Leyton) Orient of Manchester. And yet they survive without resorting to hoof ball and dull physical football, maintaining an admirable allegiance to playing attractive football.

Tangled up in Blue: Match Preview

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Apart from supporters of the doomed bottom 3 is there a football fan who doesn't want Wigan to escape relegation?  Their PL survival is a mystery given the small ground, low attendances and limited finances - they are the (Leyton) Orient of Manchester. And yet they survive without resorting to hoof ball and dull physical football, maintaining an admirable allegiance to playing attractive football.

Former Wolves boss Mick McCarthy and George Elokobi set to run a cowboy ranch… in OTP’s imagination only

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There's not been a day gone by since his controversial sacking that OTP hasn't wondered what Mick McCarthy is up to. A man who shirked sassy scarves and manipulative mind games, Mick was a noble no-nonsense bloke for whom we have always held a candle. It's not a sexual thing, but admittedly we would feel nice [.

Brown Sugar: Match preview.

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Moyes ...... never liked the fella. Reminds me of the chap who hangs around Harry Potter, or is it the little bloke who kept looking for his "precious" in Lord of the Rings? Either way, never liked the cut of his jib.

People say he does a wonderful job at Everton, citing the financial constraints, the shadow of his Stanley Park neighbours etc etc but Howard Kendall had the same constraints and he did  OK, but then he was a proper manager.

Brown Sugar: Match preview.

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Moyes ...... never liked the fella. Reminds me of the chap who hangs around Harry Potter, or is it the little bloke who kept looking for his "precious" in Lord of the Rings? Either way, never liked the cut of his jib.

People say he does a wonderful job at Everton, citing the financial constraints, the shadow of his Stanley Park neighbours etc etc but Howard Kendall had the same constraints and he did  OK, but then he was a proper manager.

Wenger to take Arsenal to Nigeria to face Dolphins

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It seems Arsene Wenger will indeed take the Arsenal to Nigeria this summer after it was announced that the Gunners will face a team who go by the name of Dolphins.

They are the Nigeria champions and it is being reported that they have become the first team to confirm a fixture with Arsenal when the English Premier League club visits the country on their summer tour.

Videos

Tottenham new boy Roberto Soldado hopes Gareth Bale stays, criticises Valencia

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New Tottenham signing Roberto Soldado says he has been watching the Gareth Bale saga unfolding and hopes the club can keep hold of their star winger. Speaking after his £26m transfer from Valencia was completed, the Spain international seemed to suggest that, if Bale does join Real Madrid, it will be up to him and [.

Video: Builder hides Portsmouth shirt inside Southampton’s training ground

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Video has emerged of a Portsmouth-supporting builder hiding a Portsmouth shirt and scarf within the walls of Southampton's new training ground. The multi-million pound training complex is currently being built at Staplewood. But despite the painstaking attention to detail that has gone into the project, it appears that Saints or Scum as they're known [.

Video: Arsenal player laugh at Vietnamese fan who tripped while chasing their bus

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Arsenal's players were treated to some slapstick comedy as their bus made its way through Vietnamese traffic. A group of local fans took it upon themselves to run alongside the bus, with one fan reportedly sticking with the vehicle for at least 10 minutes. The fan's efforts impressed the players so much that they started [.

Torsten Frings Asks People Of Toronto To Play ‘Pass’ With Him, Gets Utterly Ignored For Six Hours (Video)

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By Chris Wright

In which former Germany midfielder and current Toronto FC captain Torsten Frings simply asks commuters passing through Toronto train station to play pass with him and ends up feeling very small after six long hours of people avoiding eye contact with him.

Video: Joachim Löw caught picking his nose and eating it. Again. (Germany 1-0 Portugal)

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Germany coach Joachim Löw always strikes you as a clever bloke. He's also pretty stylish. So why does he always get caught picking his nose and eating it? Despite having his primary school habit busted by television cameras on numerous occasions, Jogi still insists on tucking into his favourite green snack during matches.

Spoof FIFA 13 Trailer Features Several Updates We’d Love To See – Underwater Stadiums, Puerto Rican Gangs, Etc (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Sigh, if only...

We could be wrong here, but the younger chap looks suspiciously like the bloke who has Clive Tydlesley living in his nipple.

Video: CPUversusCPU

‘I Believe In You, Fernando Torres’ – A Touching Power Ballad (Video)

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By Chris Wright

Someone out there still believes...

Video and song by Jim Daly (@jamesrmdaly) of JD's Football Songs, the very same bloke that bought the world 'The Phil Jones Gurns' song y'know, the one about him looking like a Georgian gargoyle?

Manchester United loanee gets the boot from opposition coach

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The Belgian second division might not be the place that you expect to hear from on a regular basis, but their was a strange incident on Friday night during the game between Antwerp and Tubize, which Tubize eventually won 3-2. Manchester United loanee John Cofie (isn't that the bloke from the Green Mile?

Newcastle United

GIF It: Fat Newcastle fan’s wobbly celebration after Chelsea win

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Most of St James' Park opted for berets and stripy tops yesterday this bloke opted for nothing at all. His mesmerising wobbly celebrations were captured by the Match of the Day cameras. Via 101GG

The 1974 FA Cup Final: Liverpool v. Newcastle United

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After 1965's FA Cup victory over Leeds United, Liverpool's next trip to the final saw them come up short in a hard-fought game against Arsenal in 1971. As in 1965, the match had gone to extra time a goalless draw, and once again three goals had then been scored—only this time, it was Liverpool on the losing end of a 2-1 scoreline.

Champions League

Dirk Kuyt Is Fenerbahce’s Resident Gladiator – Plus Netherlands-Turkey & France’s New Team Portrait

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Dirk Kuyt may be playing for Fenerbahçe in the Turkish League now, but did you know that "Official Gladiator" has also written into his contract clause? Yes, the Dutch attacker posed in full gladiator gear (which looked straight off the racks of Istanbul's Halloween Costume Shops) for a feature in this month's edition of the club magazine.

Squad assessment – Part 1

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So the season has ended and we can take stock of where we are and the way we've performed. I've decided to a player by player analysis of each player and assign them a mark, just like in school. I just need to find a red pen with which to scribble on their report cards.

It's broken up into two parts (today and tomorrow), and we start at the back with goalkeepers and defenders.

Euro 2012

TORRES: IGNORE THE PRESS OBSESSION AND READ THIS!

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I think it's fair to say that ever since Fernando Torres joined Chelsea the press have had him in their sights. Just like AVB said at the time he was Chelsea manager, the press had turned Torres into "an obsession!". It still seems to remain the case today.

The season for Torres has only finished a week ago after winning Euro 2012 with Spain, scoring in the final and winning the golden boot but again it doesn't seem to be good enough.

A little wine, some pelanties and a new reserve coach?

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Morning to you and today starts with a little touch of *boilk*

Perhaps it was the unseasonably warm day here yesterday (don't panic, it's lashing rain again as normal now), perhaps it was the football which would, in all fairness, drive anyone to drink, but it seemed to me that just one more glass of delicious wine was in order.

Euro 2012 Shit Lookalikes: Swedish Coach Erik Hamren & US Comic Greg Proops

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By Alan Duffy

Proops is the American bloke who used to be on 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' many many eons ago. Now he's in some appalling kids show called True Jackson.

Hamren is the Swedish national boss and, at 54, is two years older than Proops.

What exactly is it those guys do again?

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Good morning to you.

I'm getting really early starts these days because of the new dog. I wake up and the need to go back to sleep is outfought by the need to not clean up piss. It's a fairly basic human instinct, I think. Luckily this dog is a quick learner and the house training is going well.

At this European Championship, England finally does not expect

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This article titled "At this European Championship, England finally does not expect" was written by Brian Viner, for The Guardian on Thursday 7th June 2012 20.00 UTC

Even before the government announced its ministerial boycott over the treatment of the Ukrainian politician Yulia Tymoshenko, this European Championship had singularly failed to spark the enthusiasm of English football fans – although England's players are taking part for the first time in eight years, having failed to qualify in 2008.

Robin Van Persie

And then there was war …

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If you thought that yesterday the dust might settle a bit in the wake of Robin van Persie's statement you couldn't have been more wrong.

There were whispers of a forthcoming statement from Red and White (Alisher Usmanov and that other bloke nobody really cares about) and when it emerged it was really quite extraordinary.

Stop making things out of no things + Arteta thoughts

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Goof mornigh from Monsoon hit Dyblun. Or, to put it another way – having got my hands sorted Good morning from Monsoon hit Dublin. I have a dead leg picked up during football last night which made getting up the stairs something of a challenge, but I have struggled manfully on to provide you with your blog fodder.

The Rest

Top 10 reasons why Sunderland are mad to fire Paolo Di Canio

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1. They've just allowed this bloke to sell arguably their best two players over the summer. 2. They've also allowed him to sign more than a dozen players for whom just about the only thing they have in common at the moment is that Paolo Di Canio wanted to sign them. 3. They went to [...]

Oops… someone’s playing Solitaire on Hapoel Haifa’s scoreboard

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This fantastic photo is a couple of weeks old, but this is the first we've seen of it so we guess that might be the case for you, too. It comes from the match between Israeli sides Hapoel Haifa and Hapoel Beer Sheva. We don't want to call the entertainment on show into question, but [...]


TTU Season Preview 2012-13: Pompey’s Irresponsibility Continues Apace

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There's this bloke closely associated with Portsmouth Football Club. You all know him – obese, uncouth, dreadlocked, tattooed and clanging a huge bell as though his life depended on it. While his commitment to the club is laudable, even honourable on a good day, he is incredibly, unutterably insufferable.

Saturday Sagna round-up

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Hello, how's the head? Pounding, eh? I know the feeling. A quick Saturday round-up for you. Not that you don't deserve more. There just isn't more.

Anyway, we'll start with Bacary Sagna who in the spare time he has since that bloke tromped on his leg and broke it, has obviously been soaking up the mood from the old Twitter box.

Kickette Catch Up: Your Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet

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A bloke wearing a dress is funny.

That's a skirt right, Kickettes?

Saturday

- Irina continued her reign of hotness. What on earth is going on with this chick? We suspect some sort of contract with the spiritual higher-ups in exchange for serious levels of sizzle.