By Chris Wright

'Twas a bit of a slow one yesterday as anyone who spent 11-and-a-bit hours 'glued' to the live feed will tell you, with the total spending across the English leagues failing to surpass the £50 million that Chelsea spaffed on Fernando Torres this time last year let alone the ludicrous £225 million that was spent in total in January of 2011.

Edinson Cavani. Forcing us to rethink our oppression of t-shirt/suit jacket combos since 9.30am this morning. Image: Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty Images.

If someone else is going to go to the trouble of picking out and rewarding their favourite Serie A players, it would be remiss of us not to use the photo opportunity for a random post.

The Portland Timbers held a lively practice today, playing some of what could actually be called soccer for the first time this preseason. After the usual warm-ups and passing drills, the Timbers played games of 9v9 which was a deviation from last season which saw the Timbers doing purely fitness and passing drills for their first several weeks together.

Jon Gordon's book 'The No Complaining Rule' is something that I've tried to instill, both from a personal standpoint, and in my office and locker room.
The rules are pretty simple in concept -
1) you can only complain to someone who can resolve the problem - rather than bitch and moan to someone divorced from the problem (which is wasted energy, as well as negative energy), you must go to someone who can help fix the problem at hand.

Apologies for not producing a killer match preview before this one, but work has been one hateful bitch this week. Anyway, do we really even need to look ahead to this New Year's Eve fixture when we have classic images like the one below?

Yes.

Who: Aston Villa (est.

The Sun more specifically, English media in general is at it once again. Peep:

CHELSEA last night confirmed their players are under orders to involve Andre Villas-Boas in their goal celebrations.

No words needed. Just Dave Chappelle and a microphone.

Wolves captain Roger Johnson has let rip at Wolves fans who jeered former captain Karl Henry as he was being substituted against Newcastle last week at Molineaux.

He told the Wolverhampton Express and Star: "I thought it was a disgrace, disgusting. It stinks. If the fans want to have a bitch at me about it then fine, but I thought they were bang out of order.

Yes, we were lamenting the lack of goals for a good part of the Juventus-Milan fixture yesterday until signore Claudio Marchisio (and those pair of eyes) stepped in to score twice for Juventus! With a name like that, the whole of Turin will not be sweating over his complimentary one week risotto.

Abbey Clancy (along with Peter and baby Sophia) had her hands full outside Osteria restaurant in Prestbury, Cheshire. The fam stopped off for a quick bite during a long day of house hunting in the area on 08.09.2011.

We've read a lot of tips and tricks for losing and keeping the baby weight off, but have never had to heed any anonymous advice ourselves, thankfully.

Another day, another selfish, overpaid footballer publicly displaying disloyalty and naked self-interest. This time, it's Manchester City's new signing Samir Nasri, who has rather classlessly stabbed Arsenal in the back at a time of real turmoil for the club.
As with many players in the world's top leagues, when the going gets tough, the ladyboys of modern football 'bail and bitch'.

By Chris Wright

In which, finding themselves 1-0 up over Montevideo Wanderers in the last few minutes of their Uruguayan Premier League tie a week or so ago, a couple of Danubio players attempt to run the clock down in the corner.

Taking umbrage at the time-wasting, irate Montevideo left-back Diogo takes a sly swipe at his opponent on the touchline and is duly (and quite rightly) red-carded by the referee at the behest of the linesman, who was standing a couple of feet away.

I like the looks of Gervinho.
Not his actual looks. Because to be honest, he is quite an ugly bastard.
But I like the way he plays football.
And I also like the fact that he bitch slapped Joey Barton with an open hand.
Very WWE indeed.
Usually players from abroad need a period of settling in.

You may have heard at some point that the guy who killed Abe Lincoln shot him in a theater and hid in a warehouse and that the guy who allegedly killed JFK shot him from a warehouse and hid in a theater. It's not totally true as Lincoln's killer was actually caught in a barn. Either way, it's still spooky.

Yesterday's much heralded PSSI congress to elect a new chairman ended as so much of Indonesian football ends. In a farce. Organised by the Normalisation Committee which was empowered by FIFA to arrange new elections, the congress got bogged down in irrelevance as a laughingly named Pro Reform Group stalled, demanding to know why George Toisutta and Arifin Panigoro couldn't stand.

Have you pendejos seen the Pepsi commercial of David Beckham with hot mamacita Sophia Vergara?
Then they take out video of "Golden Huevos" shooting futbols into trash cans... You see that? Many say they fake, others say it real. Burrito don't give a chingado either way. Just show Burrito more of Sophia Vergara!

Image: Facebook.

It wouldn't be a smart move to say this happily married(?) Portuguese pair is the best bitch-facin' couple we've seen in awhile, because that would denigrate the caliber of cut-eye that Liverpool's Raul Meireles and his missus are bringing to the bitchface brawl.

We hear that Ivone makes for one bad-ass WAG, so as to not incite anger, we must bow down to the astonishing level of conjoined, full-on facial fear that's presented itself.

And here we go again... Brazil's brand new kit was definitly not a lucky one.

Today, Brazil should have had better football, players and better morale yet every single time we play France and that includes today, unfortunately the canarinha loses. Brazil has not had a win facing the French since August 26th 1992 (2-0) and today was no different: a 1-0 loss to Laurent Blanc's équipe goal from Benzema.

Cesc Fabregas is currently the victim of a media witch hunt, for accusations fired at him from yet another sore loser of a manager.. David Moyes and his average Everton outfit, were yet another victim of the Arsenal machine that is steam rolling its way through the EPL this season.. For all Moyes' crying and moaning about what he thought happened, Fabregas WAS NOT sent off.

Cruciate Ligament Tear's are a bitch, but when you tear it after celebrating a goal it brings it to a different level, and that's exactly what happened to Brazilian keeper Saulo after he celebrated scoring Sporting Recife's last minute winner against Vitoria on Monday night in a 2-1 win.

I didn't support YOU as a boy Birmingham City have been on the receiving end of some verbal bitch-slapping from Tottenham striker Robbie Keane as a supposed transfer failed to materialise. The Republic of Ireland international has spoken out against the Blues after the club released a statement detailing why they were no longer pursuing [.