Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger has confirmed his interest in pinning Roberto Mancini up against a wall and landing a sweet uppercut to his jaw. Arsenal's economist-in-chief however believes that Mancini's evasion tactics will see him escape a pummelling until next season.

All units are go.

A manager's sacking results in reactions laughable in their predictability; tweets in all capitals about the news, hastily penned epitaphs and obituaries, both glowing and vitriolic, Sky Sports News launching their jism all over cyberspace in an eagerness to dissect every facet of the departure, et cetera and more tedious et cetera.

In a sudden but not wholly unexpected move, the Feline Association (FA) today detailed its intentions to oppose handshakes of any form in the animal world.

"We have all been watching the kind of hatred and vitriol this simple gesture is causing in the human world", purred one of the fat cats of the FA at their London HQ "and we are concerned that such behaviour will soon spread to the animal world.

The murky racism row to engulf the Premier League just got foggier with the uncovering of startling new evidence that points to not just Luis Suarez being racist, but the whole of the red half of Merseyside exhibiting a proclivity towards bigotry. Our BFZ Times' correspondent, under great risk to life and limb organized and executed the perfect undercover operation to unearth this mystery leading to great teeth gnashing at News International's headquarters in Wapping, London.

There has been too much uncertainty surrounding the Cesc Fabregas saga for too long now. One day you have Sandra Rossell's menagerie proclaiming that their baby is powdered, dressed up and ready to serve at the hungry Camp Nou; and the next day you have the knights of North London tutting at Spain's lack of dignity and refusing any sort of contact between the two clubs at all.