The summer transfer market just went off with a couple of high powered Exocet missiles from central Spain, leaving some of us thinking that nothing will ever be the same again. A seemingly obscene (vulgar even!) amount of money may be about to change hands with many of Europe's top clubs in the market for a striker (amongst others).

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me sitting among a sea of Berbabeauties. And yes, they're smiling instead of pointing and screaming. I am going to assume that you're very jealous and regretting all the chances I've given you to be with The Berba. ... No, I don't smell anything funny.

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me preparing for the upcoming season. In my short-shorts. But before we get to the smooth-legged sexiness going on below my belt line, first allow me to introduce my personal trainer Fake Bojan. And now that we're all intimately acquainted and hopefully soon to be even more intimately acquainted ha-HA!

China may have all the world's jobs, but today it was a strong Manchester United team that had all the goals. The Red Devils put on an impressive performance, and slaughtered Huangzhou with four goals in the first half. Michael Owen (two goals), Dimitar Berbatov, Zoran Tosic, Nani, and Ryan Giggs (three goals) all got their names on the scoresheet, but it was Berbatov that really shined.

If you would believe various pundits, the annoying debate that many football fans have been subject to this year and last - Ronaldo vs. Messi - will come to its conclusion in the UCL final in Rome. On the biggest stage in club competitions, the two most complete players in attacking football will meet head to head.

Shockingly, I felt guilty for not posting something up yesterday because we've been keeping this so active lately. But I went to see Star Trek last night (it's fucking unbelievable, and I usually hate sci-fi) and had no time to do anything. Alas, today is another day and a time for rebirth and blogging.

Memo to Sir Alex Ferguson - Attack! Attack like crazy! Send the fullbacks forward. Unleash the four-headed monster of Berba, Shrek, Tevez, and Ronaldo! Barca's frontline will score, but the backline is ripe for exploitation...

Well hello there.

I see you've stuck me on your wall. ... Shhh-shhh! Please stop screaming. The Berba wants nothing to do with you. It's not even really The Berba see? It's just a flat image. Through which I can see and speak to you. My cousin Timitar worked it up in his laboratory of magic and erotic wonderment.

The Continental already mentioned his roles in his "naughty films" today, but it appears that he's now looking to expand his cinematic career beyond those pictures made by his cousin Timitar. One of our DT tipsters directs us to this Bulgarian site, which claims that The Berba is fielding offers for roles as an actor:

The best Bulgarian footballer Dimitar Berbatov is considering becoming an actor.

Korean fans looking to catch a glimpse of Manchester United ahead of their match against FC Seoul tonight had to pay for the privilege to see The Berba and company stretch, jog, and pretend like they're actually taking their preseason opponents seriously.

Even still, seven thousand fans turned up to watch them train at the Seoul World Cup Stadium yesterday.

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me training very hard. As you can probably tell, although we still have several weeks left to go in the preseason, The Berba is already operating at a peak level of fitness. My widow's peak is in top form and, judging by your presence, I am also attracting beautiful Berba-babes that are usually only seen in distant bedroom windows and my cousin Timitar's special drawings.

United travel to White Hart Lane on Saturday in a top of the table Premier League clash. Spurs have won their first four games in a row but United can bring them crashing back to reality if they manage to take all three points in London. These two sides usually produce some decent encounters and I for one am hoping for more of the same this weekend.

Before beginning the gruesome business of the post-mortem I think it's worth doffing my cap towards Man Utd – they were a quality act yesterday. I demonstrated in my preview that mathematics is hardly the academic subject of choice at AANP Towers, but nevertheless it really did seem that being reduced to 10 men made them play as if they had 12.

I'm pretty much writing this article in response to an earlier posting on one of Wayne's articles. In discussing Dimitar Berbatov, I have, at times in the past, tended to make semi-hostile statements towards the man. For this reason, some on this site are quick to think that I still don't rate the £30.

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me standing here and casually leaning against this...thing. I am The Berba.

You might remember me from such places as: under your bed, hiding in your closet with a video camera, or the man in scuba gear waiting for you in your bathtub.

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me talking about my exorcist uncle. Pretty cool, huh? Ha-HA! You know, he taught The Berba how to do an exorcism. I could perform one on you, if you'd like. ... Well, fine, I can still perform one even if you don't like. Ha-HA! Now, just stand there and continue to glare at me with your hand on that can of mace in your purse.

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me being bored by you. Well, that and I mistakenly took 18 sleeping pills, thinking they were "male enhancement" capsules. I do think it's mostly how boring you are that is making my eyes go out of focus and my heart feel like it's stopped pumping blood entirely.

That's...The Continental with a marker post in each hand, throwing one towards the sun during training on Tuesday a delightful thing to do when there are other people around to possibly catch one of those spiked javelins with their jugular once they shoot back down to earth.

This isn't the first time The Berba has been caught doing this during training, though.

Well hello there.

I see you've caught a young Berba presenting you with a Christmas gift. I painted it myself using condiment packets I stole from the local McDonald's and crayons my cousin Timitar once had stuck up his nose.

As you can see, it depicts me, The Berba, atop a powerful stallion as it stomps on a bearded fellow pretending to be Santa Claus.

Today at 3pm GMT we play Sunderland at the Stadium of Light. Sunderland are going through a torrid run of form that makes our form resemble our unbeaten run a few months back. This isn't going to be a long one. I'm just up and haven't had my coffee yet so I'm not fully coherent. But we need to win this match, no doubts.

You decide!

..cos I can't, I haven't got a Dani* who I think will go through to the Rome final even though it shouldn't be played there after all the Ultra agg of recent seasons, Platini will no doubt skip that issue?.

Back to the teams though, is it going to be an all London affair, will Theirry be facing his old muckers (if he's fit), will we have a repeat of last seasons final or will the two faves clash with Spain demolishing Europe with the best front-line in living memory.

So it's being reported that Fergie has had enough of all this rampant transfer speculation, and has decided to bring a close to United's transfer window. "It is the end of our business, so all these stories about who were are supposed to be getting - forget it. I can only placate the fans this way and say I am not going to be stupid.

Not to be overshadowed by Ronaldo's first goal for Real only yesterday, ex-teammate Anderson and new United recruit Antonio Valencia, stepped in to deliver the goods and to have their respective goal scoring cherries "popped" in a Red Devils shirt. Heck, it only took Anderson 77 matches to do so, but it was well worth the wait I guess.

So, it's once more unto the breach, for the new season is upon us. The friendlies are done, fantasy league teams picked – all that's left is for AANP Towers to rustle up a list of top ten aims for season 2009-10, and then we can get cracking...

1. European Qualification

Top six, or a trophy.

The logos of the potential 2018/2022 World Cup hosts. USA whittles their potential host cities down to a manageable 27. Just who is football's Usain Bolt? And who uses the world's most useless tricks? Rambo Okan: Man. Myth. Maniacal pitch invader. Joleon Lescott is officially the new Berba. Mourinho gets a very special playmate.

Well hello there.

I see I've caught you looking through my window. This is quite a novel turn of events. Ha-HA! It seems the fact that I scored my first goal of the season in Manchester United's 5-0 win over Wigan on Saturday has you craving The Berba's attention instead of yelling for the police and reaching for a blunt object whenever I enter your field of vision.

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me in a bad mood. It's actually not so much because Manchester United, the team you should be impressed to hear that I play for, lost to Aston Villa on Saturday, but more because I am outside in the cold. Training. When I could be in a monkey scented bubble bath with a beautiful Berba-babe like you.

Sorry for my ridiculous absence on here lately. The guys here at the The Offside know the reason and have been great guys, seriously. But I thought the fitting time for me to return to the Man Utd blog was now.

After a fairly poor (okay, terrible) first half performance against Bolton from the boys in red, they pulled out all the stops and.

The Champions League Final will kick off in less then 20 hours and for one I can not wait for the battle in Rome between United and Barca.

Here is the line up I see Sir Alex going with:
Goal: Van der Sar
Defense: Evra
Defense: Rio
Defense: Vidic
Defense: O'Shea
Central Midfield: Giggs
Central Midfield: Carrick
Central Midfield: Anderson
Wings: Rooney
Wings: Park
Forward: Ronaldo

This is similar to the lineup that Sir Alex used against Arsenal in the semifinals.

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me standing here and casually leaning against this...thing. I am The Berba.

You might remember me from such places as: under your bed, hiding in your closet with a video camera, or the man in scuba gear waiting for you in your bathtub.

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me wearing the coolest outfit ever. Between that, my one-eyed squint, and the flashing of my ankle we have going on here, you must be profoundly turned on. Ha-HA! It took me three weeks to perfect this effortless pose. And no, I haven't taken a bath in that entire time.

The 2nd set of matches in Group A took place Tuesday night with Canada against El Salvador and Costa Rica against Jamaica. Here's a recap of both matches along with video highlights.

Canada beats El Salvador 1-0 - Video Highlights - Canada remained unbeaten in group play and now leads Group A with 6 points after 2 matches.

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me playing football. This is what The Berba does when not hiding under a pile of your underpants with a video camera and my cousin Timitar. Can you guess which activity I prefer? Ha-HA! ... No, it's actually the underpants thing.

Anyways, it's the start of a new season and I can tell you this will be the most Berbamazing one ever.

Not to be overshadowed by Ronaldo's first goal for Real only yesterday, ex-teammate Anderson and new United recruit Antonio Valencia, stepped in to deliver the goods and to have their respective goal scoring cherries "popped" in a Red Devils shirt. Heck, it only took Anderson 77 matches to do so, but it was well worth the wait I guess.

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me wearing an old Argentina national team shirt. Naturally, I'm wearing the old one because it was significantly cheaper than the new one and because it was the only one I could find in the dryers at the laundromat. ... Why am I wearing an Argentina shirt at all, you ask?

How the hell did I miss this? Rumor is that the Count himself, Mr. Continental, the Berba, has fathered a youngling.
I must wonder if at birth it had fangs and scored a spectacular bicycle kick out of the womb.

A day in which everything went according to plan for the Manchester clubs, even if it didn't, really. United beat West Ham 4-0 at Upton Park despite their severe defensive injury crisis and City survived an early own goal and a second half penalty to turn over Chelsea at Eastlands.

Manchester United the walking wounded

For Manchester United, the big story out of today's 4-0 win away at Upton Park wasn't the efficiency of the win or the hope amongst United faithful that Gibson is the real deal, but the fact that United now have their whole defence injured first choice or second choice.

Well hello there.

I see you've caught the Bulgarian Man of the Year 2009 holding a sword. Yes, I, The Berba, have been named Bulgarian Man of the Year for 2009. And because of that, I am holding a sword. Ha-HA! This is all very erotic news, isn't it? ... Please stop saying "no." ..

We were too distracted by his excellent tuxedo last week to comment on the hair, but it was duly noted.

We know you saw it too: Dimitar Berbatov kicked the Count Chocula to the kerb. Perhaps he read our post on hairbands and 'ballers. Perhaps he grew tired of the constant widow's peak references.

We were too distracted by his excellent tuxedo last week to comment on the hair, but it was duly noted.

We know you saw it too: Dimitar Berbatov kicked the Count Chocula to the kerb. Perhaps he read our post on hairbands and 'ballers. Perhaps he grew tired of the constant widow's peak references.