I see you've caught me letting my manager/life coach Martin Jol squeeze my mayonnaise-filled glove. As you can tell by hissquealof delight, he is enjoying this experience a great deal. I've already decided that you may be the next to touch it -- and many other things -- since I am in a joyous mood.
I see you've caught me pushing aside a giant carrot so I can get a better look at you. ... Are you impressed that I scored two goals in my home debut at Craven Cottage a.k.a. The Berba's Stationary Love Place? ... Well you should be. And you shouldn't be. Because scoring goals and seducing people on message boards about Penguins is just what The Berba does.
Two-goal Fulham new boy Dimitar Berbatov says you just have to play him and he will smile. After bagging his debut brace, a relatively ecstatic Berba claimed he just needs to be on the pitch to avoid slipping into his sulky ways. He said: "I feel great because I'm on the pitch, I'm playing, I'm [...]
So, transfer deadline day is finally over and Fulham managed to secure three signings to add to
the team. Some quick thoughts on each one:
Dimitar Berbatov
Obviously the star signing of Fulham's transfer window. The loss of Moussa Dembele upset many
but the signing of Berba on a two year contract had most Fulham fans dancing a jig of delight.
So, transfer deadline day is finally over and Fulham managed to secure three signings to add to
the team. Some quick thoughts on each one:
Dimitar Berbatov
Obviously the star signing of Fulham's transfer window. The loss of Moussa Dembele upset many
but the signing of Berba on a two year contract had most Fulham fans dancing a jig of delight.
Dimitar Berbatov has today confirmed he wants to leave the club after hardly getting a look in
on the team last season. Despite being the Premier League top scorer the season before, Berbatov
only played in 12 league games last season. He scored 7 goals in these brief appearances but that
wasn't enough to convince the manager he should be anything better than fourth choice.
Dimitar Berbatov's agent, Emil Danchev, has confirmed today that the player will be leaving the
club in the summer, as everyone thought. Berbatov hasn't even made the bench in recent matches and
his agent has claimed the player doesn't feel comfortable getting paid for nothing.
"Mitko appreciates the money but that was always secondary to him, he just wants to
play," he said.
Dimitar Berbatov, who was the Premier League's top scorer last season, has barely got a game
this season, with Wayne Rooney, Danny Welbeck and Javier Hernandez all head of him in pecking
order.
Despite this, he's scored 7 goals in the 10 appearances he's made in the league and is waiting
for his opportunity to score more.
Whilst his agent hinted that he would be open to a move to Anzhi Makhachkala this week, Sir Alex
Ferguson has claimed that Dimitar Berbatov is going nowhere.
"Dimitar is still in my thoughts," said Ferguson. "I have read some things but
there is absolutely no reason for me to let him go.
Ducky, Nickspinkboots, Maddy (although BFZ has no clue as to
where this man has disappeared) - names that I first saw when I entered BFZ long ago. Strange
pen names, I thought to myself. A few weeks later I wrote my first article and have written a few
more after that.
Italian side Fiorentina are demanding compensation from Dimitar Berbatov's agent to cover the cost
of a plane ticket they bought. They stumped up to put the then Manchester United man on a flight to
Florence via Munich. Berba arrived safely in Munich, but rather than catching his connecting flight
he instead met Juventus officials.
"He did not deserve our city, to wear our jersey or the values that represent it," Fiorentina
said of Dimitar Berbatov in an official statement after what seemed like a done deal to bring him
to the Serie A club went strangely awry. The Berba was on a flight to Florence, paid for by
Fiorentina, to wrap up his transfer from Manchester United, but when the connecting flight arrived
he wasn't on it.
Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson has wished Dimitar Berbatov the best of luck in his new
adventure at Fulham and explained that the striker's limited experiences for United in recent times
were down to incompatibility in playing style.
Berbatov was in prolific goal-scoring form for the Red Devils throughout the 2010-11 season but
his exclusion from their Champions League final squad against Barcelona was followed by frequent
omissions from United's squad.
After going missing somewhere in Europe, Berba's been located and what's more he's gone and
signed a two-year deal with Fulham. That was close, we nearly lost him
there...
While we're on the subject, Fulham have also snagged Kieran Richardson from Sunderland on a
three-year deal (fee undisclosed).
What seemed like a done deal that would send Dimitar Berbatov from Manchester United's bench to
striker-desperate Fiorentina descended into farce on Wednesday. The result was Berbatov being
linked to Juventus and Fulham, and Fiorentina issuing an amazing press release condemning all
parties involved.
With four days left before the transfer window shuts, Dimitar Berbatov's still has yet to leave
Manchester United for a club that actually appreciates his goal-scoring promiscuity. And just as
word of a potential transfer to Fiorentina starts to get serious, Wayne Rooney has gone down with
an injury that could shackle The Continental to Man United for a bit longer.
Sir Alex Ferguson says Dimitar Berbatov has not been unfairly treated by Manchester United and
that he expects the striker to be part of United's upcoming re-season tour.
Berbatov was United's fourth striker last season behind Wayne Rooney, Danny Welbeck and Javier
Hernandez and has said that he feels that his future is away from Old Trafford.
Dimitar Berbatov has today spoken about his time at Manchester United coming to an end. After
being the league's top scorer last season, the Bulgarian striker has hardly had a look in. The
31-year-old will leave United this summer but insists he's achieved his goal by playing for us.
"I rejected City's offer to play in the best club in the world," Berbatov told BG
TV.
As another Premiership campaign bullets down the stretch and Manchester United goes ahead by a
few horse lengths, so dribbles to closure the likely Premiership career of a peculiar one, Dimitar
Berbatov.
It's almost an incredulous that a player who was last year's co-Golden Boot winner 20 in the
Premiership last year to share the title with the one and only Carlos Tevez has become such an
afterthought both by his manager and by the ravenous English press.
I see you've caught me introducing an interview I did with Manchester United's official website.
These are some of my words floating next to my head, but you're probably too distracted by my
widow's peak and my intoxicating, Simon Cowell-like scent to see them. ...
szólj hozzá: Incredible Mark Bunn save 1. While you've all been busy stuffing your faces for a
few days, Blackburn boss Steve Kean might just have found a Bunn to save his bacon. Young keeper
Mark Bunn put in a great performance to earn a point at Liverpool. 2. It definitely wasn't a Blue
Christmas.
szólj hozzá: Incredible Mark Bunn save 1. While you've all been busy stuffing your faces for a
few days, Blackburn boss Steve Kean might just have found a Bunn to save his bacon. Young keeper
Mark Bunn put in a great performance to earn a point at Liverpool. 2. It definitely wasn't a Blue
Christmas.
Got a couple of minutes to spare before you split? Then why not enjoy this
little viral of the Manchester United boys (Evra, Berba and Ash Young to be precise) bowling with
footballs while subliminally encouraging the nation to gamble responsibly on behalf of
flutter-merchants Betfair.
Wayne Rooney set up two goals and Park Ji-sung danced around a defender for another as
Manchester United put on another show during its tour of the United States with a 4-0 victory over
the MLS All Stars on Wednesday.
The Major League Soccer all-stars even looked good for about 18 minutes with David Beckham
pulling the strings in midfield.
Dimitar Berbatov turned 30 this year and after missing out on the Champions League final squad,
looked to be on his way out of the club. However, the Bulgarian has shown his determination to
stick at it.
Speaking from the USA tour, Berbatov has reflected on how he would like the fans to remember
him.
Massachusetts Channel 5 News very nearly got their caption right (a damn sight closer
than ESPN managed the other day) for Berba's post-game interview, bless their little hearts for
trying...
We can't help but notice that they've also spelt 'swastika' wrong.
What are the odds Fernando Torres outscores Wayne Rooney on Sunday? Derek McGovern's
Bets of the Day
Fergie has promised Dimitar Berbatov that he'll get some games this season – presumably Call
Of Duty for his X-Box and Grand Theft Auto for his PlayStation. The only reason the £30million
Bulgarian loafer hasn't gone down as the worst buy of all time is a man called F.
The summer window is just beginning to tease us with seductive hints of madness; Esteban Granero
signing a four-year deal QPR, £8 million for Jordan Rhodes, Berba's AWOL about-face in Florence,
etc, and so, to help foster the spirit of unhinged lunacy, we thought we'd have a look back at some
of the strangest 'why the hell did anyone think that was going to be a good idea?
There are lots of things which are either rigged, not taken seriously or both in football. FIFA
qualifies in general. So too does the electoral process in Bulgaria. (The footballing variety,
obviously.)
The Bulgarian Player of the Year is something of a travshamockery, given that it's Berba's year
after year, and justifiably so.
A backwards-capped Berba looked studiously smokin' last week during his team's tour of Harvard's
campus. Since he's yet to complete the prestigious American university's admissions process, he
unfortunately could not practise his tonguing talents with us after school. We're elite like that.
Images: Ciacha.
