Simon Kuper and Stefan Syzmanski titled the American version of their new book Soccernomics (review is here), but their title for the release in the UK is Why England Lose. In the book, Kuper and Syzmanski identified the US as a rising power in soccer and England as a permanent disappointment to their rabid fans.

Sven's England. They're the ones to whom we owe royalties for breach of copyright after that second half, now down on record as officially The Worst Ever Attempt To Spend A Second Half Defending A Lead. Sven's England regularly tried this approach, after scoring first in a crucial game. It actually worked vs Argentina, but then failed abysmally against Brazil, France and Portugal.

Like the Ferrerro Rocher Ambassador, we at AANP Towers are rather spoiling you today. Not only are we providing a hastily cobbled-together list of potential Lane departees, but we're also implementing the flawless, scientifically-proven Who-Would-Buy-Them guide to the standard of team they would attract, thereby ascertaining whether they're worth keeping.

One of these days, watching Tottenham will be the death of me. They'll score early and dominate, but then instead of scoring a second against submissive fatted calves bred specifically for the slaughter, they'll spend the final hour earnestly faffing. I shall chew my nails, squirm and curse; and then swear and kick people; and finally become so wound up by the faffing that my heart will pop and I'll keel over.

The real world has rather inconveniently got in the way of things at AANP Towers in the last week or so, but it's proved fairly exquisite timing, as precious little has happened beyond some rather dubious rumour-mongering. Just to keep things ticking over here are a couple more lists, the last vestiges of 2008-09, beginning with Spurs' 10 Worst Mistakes of 2008-09.

First things first – credit to Three-Touch O' Hara and Brylcreem Bentley for volunteering for the first and third pens. The execution from each was hopeless, but the sentiment was noble. Conspiracy theorists dredging up "ex-gooner" rants can go boil their heads. Second things second – the outcome was fair, and I emphasise that I have [.

I don't think Capello could make it any clearer what he thinks about Michael Owen and Engalnd right now. Having not picked him in the recent squad, he also decided not to call him up when Heskey and Cole got injured. Who did he call up instead? Bent. Who got injured today in training. His [...]

It ought to be thoroughly lovely to be back in the swing of the Premiership, what with our blistering form and the carrot of a European place; but I have to confess that the prospect scares the bejesus out of me. It ought not be thus. On paper we're the form team in the Premiership. Performances [...

Things We Need To Sort Out, Preferably Before The Start Of Next Season is likely to be a slightly intermittent series, for, as I've mentioned previously, we're only in need of some gentle tweaking here and there, rather than a full-blown overhaul. However, near the top of the agenda is a problem that is both white and black, English and Irish, has four legs, and can be seen sometimes waving and shouting around the halfway line, and other times shooting on sight around the area.

Suffering withdrawal? Desperately seeking an unnecessarily nail-biting one-nil win? Confused by the absence of someone at whom to scream "F*ck sake Jenas"? Then knock yourself out with the All Action No Plot Awards, and re-live Tottenham Hotspur, season 2008-09

Two-Points-Eight-Games Award For Completely Turning Around His Season
Step forward Heurelho Gomes.

With transfer tittle-tattle still entrenched in the realms of fantasy and silly-speak, I thought I'd gaze all teary-eyed and nostalgic at the season gone by, and offer a final few reminiscences. The Top-Ten Mistakes and Top-Ten Goals of the season are imminent, but for now gorge yourself – in reverse order, no less - on a veritable gaggle of pantomime villains from 2008-09, at the madcap world that is Tottenham Hotspur FC.

You gave 'em a chance Harry and they didn't let you down. Gawd bless you sir. That's the main positive I take from the Wembley Cup, played at Wembley by the way, between four teams chosen at random by the Premium Bond computer.Bostock, Livermore, Rose and Naughton are ready in my view to be introduced to the first team squad.

So, after several weeks in which dust has gathered and tumbleweed idly rolled around White Hart Lane, the last seven days have seen a welcome return to complete all-action-no-plot madness at Spurs, with Darren Bent's glorious rant, a spell behind bars for Jermain Defoe, a big-money signing and even a trophy.

A bad day at the office, is sometimes known as a ´blip´. I assume that this is a PR ointment designed to soothe the wounds sustained after a public humiliation. Both phrases have been uttered by the players and manager this week and I have used it myself on occasions to keep my spirits up after a loss or a disappointing performance.

A curious one, this. Back in the days of yore, when Luka Modric limped off against Birmingham, I don't think anyone foresaw things panning out quite this way. Robbie Keane undroppable, wingers treated like lepers, long-ball upon long-ball. We're muddling through, but the sooner both the Croatian genius and Lennon return, the better.

Cristiano Ronaldo will have to pay Real Madrid €20 million if he does not join them next summer according to Sport. This deal is apparently worth €100m, and if Ronaldo does not join, then Sport reports that he will have to pay €20m, as he has broken the agreement. More... Tottenham Hotspur have stepped up their [.

Believe it or not, back at the start of the transfer window most of the talk at the Lane was whether or not Stewart One-Trick Downing would dip his right shoulder, dart out to the left and pitch up in N17. Seems an age ago now, n'est-ce pas? And who would have possibly imagined back [...]

Harry Redknapp is reportedly interested in bringing in Bordeaux's Marouane Chamakh or Juventus forward Vincenzo Iaquinta to replace Darren Bent at Tottenham. Bent has struggled to impress at White Hart Lane since his £16million arrival from Charlton in the summer of 2007 - despite hitting 14 goals this season.

As the final whistle sounded all restraint and reason duly gave up trying to make themselves heard and discreetly slunk out of the stadium. It was neither the time nor the place for that sort of behaviour.  Instead it is the time for giddy over-excitement, the time to kill the fattened calf and start making [.

For all the well-deserved plaudits, we didn't learn much about England on Saturday. Rather reminded me of a wedding rehearsal – polite, happy, didn't count for anything. Slovakia played like footballing eunuchs and were duly thrashed at a canter. Ukraine, and their occasionally-preceding definite article, ought to prove a slightly different kettle of fish - but [.

Not normally a betting man, but I might just stake all my worldly possessions and the lives of some of less significant relatives on Spurs winning 1-0 today. Nothing in particular to do with the opposition or circumstances, it just seems de rigeur at the Lane these days. If Spurs were a cricket team they'd push an early single, then stay on 1-0 for the remainder of their overs.

Eighth is looking likeliest, which I think we'd all have accepted after Two Points Eight Games™. While AANP could not be bothered to work out exactly how well we've done this calendar year, I'd expect Spurs would be somewhere near the top of any table based solely on 2009 form. Home form all season has been spot-on, the record of only conceding ten goals in nineteen games mildly astonishing.

There is a scene in 80's thriller Black Rain in which the character played by the cracking Andy Garcia gets himself into a rather bad-tempered war of words and finger-wagging with some rather devious Japanese gangsters. In fact, the situation escalates a tad worryingly for Garcia, who soon finds himself defenceless, and faced by one of the said gangsters who is now tootling around on a motor-bike whilst wielding a great big samurai sword.

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Record signing Darren Bent proved to be the difference on Steve Bruce's first game as Sunderland manager.

Bent, who cost £10m from spurs this summer, opened the scoring in only the 5th minute and should really have had a few more as Sunderland dominated the encounter. Gary Megson will be unhappy with his sides performance as Sunderland contained any Bolton attacking threat with relative ease; indeed a fantastic save by Fulop which denied Gary Cahill was the closest Bolton came to equalizing.

Patience is a virtue, and for two of the Premier League's best players, that patience has finally paid off. The crazy thing about it all? These two players are on the same team! And the lucky team is Sunderland.

It was just last season that Sunderland were in the heat of the relegation battle.

Controversies played a major part in the game, as Sunderland came off strong at the Stadium of Lights against a Liverpool side, which was without the services of Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres. It took the Black Cats only 5 minutes to grab the lead, as Darren Bent got the back of the Reds net, as [.

Are we a club in crisis? While I hate to disappoint the doom-mongers and mischievous press-men, it is a little too hasty to go down that route just yet.

Come the full-time whistle we ought to have a clearer idea of where we stand. Naturally, this being White Hart Lane, moderation is not welcome.

Image by Getty Images via Daylife Sunderland became the only team this Premier League season to defeat Arsenal as they won a home match 1-0 last night. Darren Bent was the only scorer of the match while Steed Malbranque had two real chances. The finishing wasn't accurate else Arsenal would have seen themselves in deeper [.

The Tottenham transfer policy has begun to spiral beyond the realms of reason with the news of Keane's return.  The policy of buying back players, which had seemed ironic and mildly amusing at first, now appears to be a dedicated strategy on the part of Levy and Redknapp, with predictable jokes now being made about [.

A criticism often levelled at Spurs (and indeed England) fans is that life is always either a triumph or a crisis, without any middle ground or hint of perspective. It takes an impressive strength of character to accept criticism, and luckily I possess such humility in abundance (modesty is one of my many attributes).

What a curious three-point haul. It was neither outstandingly good nor egregiously bad, just blisteringly average. Once upon a time Spurs played in an all-action-no-plot style, attacking with free-flowing, gay abandon, scoring four and shipping in three. In a parallel universe this probably continues.

A virulent strain of man-flu left me stuck in AANP Towers, and unable to venture out in search of the curious GCSE Media project that is Setanta. 5Live and ITV highlights for me – the extended exposure to 5Live's Alan Green robbing me of much of the will to live – so my take on [...]

To Anfield, where football was not the most important thing on the agenda for once. Paying respect to those who sadly lost their lives in the Hillsborough disaster, 20 years ago this Wednesday, was at the forefront of everyone's mind. A minute‘s silence, impeccably observed. What followed was fitting; a comprehensive feast of flowing football saw Liverpool sweep Blackburn aside with ease.

Sunderland want to sign Tottenham midfielder Didier Zokora AND his team-mate Darren Bent. New Black Cats boss Steve Bruce aims to hijack Spanish club Seville's attempts to sign Ivory Coast star Zokora. And that means Sunderland chairman Niall Quinn will try to thrash out a double deal, worth about £15million, for Zokora, 28, and striker Bent, 25.

There is a scene in 80's thriller Black Rain in which the character played by the cracking Andy Garcia gets himself into a rather bad-tempered war of words and finger-wagging with some rather devious Japanese gangsters. In fact, the situation escalates a tad worryingly for Garcia, who soon finds himself defenceless, and faced by one of the said gangsters who is now tootling around on a motor-bike whilst wielding a great big samurai sword.

The real world has rather inconveniently got in the way of things at AANP Towers in the last week or so, but it's proved fairly exquisite timing, as precious little has happened beyond some rather dubious rumour-mongering. Just to keep things ticking over here are a couple more lists, the last vestiges of 2008-09, beginning with Spurs' 10 Worst Mistakes of 2008-09.

With transfer tittle-tattle still entrenched in the realms of fantasy and silly-speak, I thought I'd gaze all teary-eyed and nostalgic at the season gone by, and offer a final few reminiscences. The Top-Ten Mistakes and Top-Ten Goals of the season are imminent, but for now gorge yourself – in reverse order, no less - on a veritable gaggle of pantomime villains from 2008-09, at the madcap world that is Tottenham Hotspur FC.

There is a scene in 80's thriller Black Rain in which the character played by the cracking Andy Garcia gets himself into a rather bad-tempered war of words and finger-wagging with some rather devious Japanese gangsters. In fact, the situation escalates a tad worryingly for Garcia, who soon finds himself defenceless, and faced by one of the said gangsters who is now tootling around on a motor-bike whilst wielding a great big samurai sword.

The real world has rather inconveniently got in the way of things at AANP Towers in the last week or so, but it's proved fairly exquisite timing, as precious little has happened beyond some rather dubious rumour-mongering. Just to keep things ticking over here are a couple more lists, the last vestiges of 2008-09, beginning with Spurs' 10 Worst Mistakes of 2008-09.

This saturday we get in to the 5th gameweek in Fantasy Premier League. Two really interesting matches this week. Manchester City plays the host for Arsenal, and Tottenham and ManU go against each other in Tottenham's homefield. City - Arsenal will be especially interesting as the team with the least conceded goals ( Man City, 0) and the team that's scored most goals (Arsenal, 11 goals) compete which is more important, to score many goals or to concede little.