Who spends the longest in front of the mirror?

It's an age old tool we've been probing our favourite 'ballers with for years, mainly because we can't be bothered to come up with any better questions.

As you know, over the past few weeks we've been training Chris Cohen of 'Talking Balls' to do our bidding (so we ourselves can spend longer in front of the mirror) and we're pleased to say that he did a magnificent job of getting the goods from Manchester United's Tom Cleverley and Liverpool's Jordan Henderson, when he cornered them on Wednesday at the launch of EA Sports Grand Slam Tennis 2 in London.

I posed some statements to the other writers of Stumptown Footy and asked them to buy or sell the statement with a brief explanation. Here are our answers:

Kris Boyd will score 10+ goals this season. Andrew:

Sell. I've held this opinion close to my chest. I want to believe that Boyd is going to be the goalscorer the Timbers organization has cast their lot in, but to me there are still just a few too many questions.

The Kickette round commences at 38.29. But really, you should watch the whole show. You're clearly not busy, because you're here.

If our appearance on ESPN's Talk Of The Terrace didn't give you a hint that boys have no clue what a woman wants from a footballer, our latest foray into TV territory certainly should.

David de Gea put in another good shift against one of the top teams in Manchester United's 3-3 draw with Chelsea.

The Spanish keeper's every move is heavily scrutinised by the press but he has been rightly praised for his brilliant save from a Juan Mata freekick which saved a point for United in the dying moments.

The season is just over a month away and the roster is almost completely set. Of course there is still the possibility of adding a few more pieces or dropping a few of the newer players. For the most part the Timbers have the core of their starting line-up signed. With all the changes to the roster will John Spencer go away from the 4-4-2 formation or will he go with a different formation?

All the stuff being covered outside the unfriendly confines of the award-winning Dirty Tackle...

Varese beat Livorno 3-1 during a snow storm last weekend and both goalkeepers probably cried the whole time. [YouTube]

Barnsley goalkeeper David Preece says it's the media keeping gay footballers in the closet.

Sebastien Le Toux and Kyle Nakazawa were seen as the two major free kick takers on the Philadelphia Union through the team's first two seasons of existence.

For Le Toux it was because of his massive number of free kicks, coupled with a perceived high failure rate on them. Nakazawa's status as a free kick taker came from a mystique that he developed among the Union's fan base from great technique.

Against Wolves, Jordan Henderson only misplaced four of his passes from open play for a completion rate topping 90%. He may not have connected on any of his seven attempted crosses, which does rather drag down his overall numbers, but it is nonetheless an impressive statistic. As for how he achieved such a high completion rate, the answer is a fairly simple one: He kept it simple.

Portions of Italy have been belted with snow over the past two days, canceling a number of matches as they dismiss the delight of a winter wonderland. The Serie B match between Livorno and Varese made it til the very end, however, with Magnus Troest (big arsed central defender) scoring a brace.

One thing I have noticed in recent weeks is the lack of real chances we are creating for ourselves. The thing is, because of this happening, the likes of Danny Sturridge (as he demonstrated yesterday) have taken a selfish approach to his game and is shooting whenever he gets the ball in or around the box rather then lift his head up and look for a killer pass or to create a chance for someone else.

Quite an entertaining story circulating from Sky Sports today stating that the Liverpool chairman Tom Werner has denied that winger Stewart Downing was signed from Aston Villa based on a fake YouTube video in which Downing is shown kicking balls into 5 different wheelie bins.

The video is so fake its quite unbelievable, so its surprising to even hear the Liverpool chairman commenting on the matter.

Kuyt gets the winner...Liverpool successfully knocked Manchester United out of the FA Cup on Saturday in a 2-1 win at Anfield. The Reds can now boast getting the better of both teams in Manchester in less than a week. A Dirk Kuyt winner grabbed Liverpool the glory in a game where United had most of the possession.

Ireland striker Robbie Keane has already become Aston Villa's in-game gaffer by shouting out pitch instructions to his short-term colleagues.
Keane has ingratiated himself to team-mates and fans alike with his brilliant double in the 3-2 victory at Wolves last Weekend and it capped an amazing full Villa start for the 31-year-old Irish captain who is currently on loan from LA Galaxy.

By Chris Wright

When 'super duper set-piece' penalties go wrong, you tend to end up looking like a bit of a massive great sopping tit as Uzbekistan U23 striker Aleksandr Geynrikh found out to his cost during a friendly game against Zenit St Petersburg last night.

Jurgen Klinsman, Jermaine Jones and Ricardo Clark. The first a German, and famous at that. The second a mix of American and German, currently playing his club ball with Schalke 04 in der fatherland. The third born in America, a defensive midfielder in the 2nd Bundesliga for Eintracht Frankfurt. Could it be some hidden understanding from this shared German-ness that pushed Klinsman to pick Clark off the bench, and for Jones to find the late substitute with a perfectly dipped cross?

The Thai FA have more front than Brighton beach. A couple of years ago they promised to support England's World Cup bid and in return England agreed to their request to play a friendly in Bangkok earlier this year.
The Thais reneged on their promise and England, perhaps not surprisingly, cancelled their proposed trip to Bangkok.

In the early 19th century, when soccer rules were primitive and lacked consistency, some clubs would leave strikers deep, beyond the last defender, attempting to send enormous through-balls. If properly... Read more »

Former Liverpool defender Mark Wright was surprised by some of Kenny Dalglish's decisions during last night's game with Man City, and after the game, he argued that leaving Andy Carroll up front on his own was the wrong decision.
Speaking on LFC TV, Wright noted:
"It was unbelievable.

The challenge today is to see if I can go through a whole blog without mentioning Thierry Henry.

Oh, balls. Well, mentioning him again. I know we football fans live very much in the moment, and the moment is kinda all his, but I reckon I've had my fill of articles about how great he is in training.

Looks like these balls and puck could do the trick. There might be a side-business for Bridgestone, after tires.
The football and basketball both look like a lot of fun to play with. The puck would definitely create some bouncy, unexpected play.

In a way this was a fairy tale return for Thierry Henry. Wenger acknowledged as much in his post-match press conference when he said,

It was like a dream when he scored, it was the story you would tell a kid. It is not often like that in our game.

But one could as well say there was an air of predictability about the football and the result.

Anfield Rd: Liverpool drawn at home to the Mancs in 4th Round

AFTER beating Oldham 5-1 in the Budweiser-sponsored cup at Anfield on Friday night Liverpool were in what used to be a hat (probably) for the fourth round draw this afternoon. The balls were warmed, Jim Rosenthal was excited and the draw was made.

This Saturday brings us the seasons first game of FA Cup up against Cheltenham Town. There's no denying that the balls have been kind to us and provide an opportunity to rest some of the more weary legs in the first team. The Cheltenham Town fans know this and are hopeful of an upset to our 2nd / 3rd stringers, assuming of course Gomes starts.

With news that Chelsea are looking at a deal for a new right back and rumours that the Gary Cahill deal will be done and dusted by tomorrow, I am just wondering if AVB will revert back to his approach of playing with a high defensive line?.
We have seen that he tried to implement his "high", "medium" and "low" block approach during the beginning of the season and Chelsea suffered badly with heavy defeats away at United and then at home to Arsenal.

This is how crazy ideas get started. It's only a matter of time before someone patents it and calls it a sport.
Would the sport be better on grass or indoors with a machine running the balls back up?
Many variations could be offered for Foot Bowling. Widening the lane could be one option.

A former trialist, a former Uruguay World Cup national team player and a Generation Adidas #1 pick headline the strongest positional set of Seattle Sounder FC. Sigi uses these men to be the playmakers on the outside, each in their own way. Two are used to chase long balls, only one is a traditional crosser and all tuck into take shots.

Liverpool legend Steven Nicol has expressed his disappointment over Liverpool's ineffective performance against Manchester City last night.Kenny Dalglish's 'tactical' approach of hoofing balls up to lone Striker Andy Carroll was never going to be successful, especially when he was up against quality defenders like Vincent Kompany and Kolo Toure.

I want to start by wishing everyone a very happy new year full of peace and contentment. My trip has been a real delight and by visiting town like Amherst and Northampton in Massachusetts I've been reacquainted with the meaning of the words Quaint and Idyllic. Back in India, I used to enjoy living and working in town like Udaipur a lot more than I did in places like Mumbai, Bangalore, or Delhi.

I want to start by wishing everyone a very happy new year full of peace and contentment. My trip has been a real delight and by visiting town like Amherst and Northampton in Massachusetts I've been reacquainted with the meaning of the words Quaint and Idyllic. Back in India, I used to enjoy living and working in town like Udaipur a lot more than I did in places like Mumbai, Bangalore, or Delhi.

After reviewing the losses I decided to lump the remaining defenders together. Seattle Sounders FC returns two fullbacks, three centerbacks and Zach Scott man-marker. These ratings add clarity in the various authors' opinions about why Seattle is reinventing it's fullback positions signing Adam Johansson, pursuing Christian Sivebaek and possibly adding more wide defensive talent either through a young international or draftee.

By 1970's Gooner How will Henry fit into this Arsenal team? I was at the Emirates Cup as a guest of Arsenal Football Club and I had the chance to see Henry play against us. I was not impressed. He played as the front man in a 4 5 1 formation and was not up to it. He was too slow and didn't have the pace to chase down balls.

Well that was frustrating, but not entirely unexpected. Just before writing this post I saw a Tweet by Orbinho (follow him) that summed up a lot of what's been going on with the side over the last year or so: in Arsenal's last 15 home games in the prem, they've only scored more than one goal on 4 occasions.

Peter Nowak spoke to the press today, only hours after the Union announced Costa Rican left back Porfirio Lopez as the team's fifth offseason signing.

"Porfirio [Lopez] has a great capacity going back and forth and taking pride at defending, and that's a part we take a look at very closely," Nowak said.

Aston Villa 1 – 2 Arsenal Match Report

1st half observations from a bad stream

The first 45 minutes were pretty different from what I expected. Aston Villa did not close us down frantically and allowed Arsenal plenty of space. Especially Gervinho and Theo saw plenty of the ball, as Villa sat deep in the beginning, allowing our wingers to attack them from the sides.

What a result! Tough game, battling performance, well-earned points. Not vintage but victorious nonetheless.

I was surprised to see Coquelin in the starting line-up at Right Back as Arsene has said in the past the youngster doesn't isn't suited to the role. Perhaps it was due to Miquel's errors at City.

What a result! Tough game, battling performance, well-earned points. Not vintage but victorious nonetheless.

I was surprised to see Coquelin in the starting line-up at Right Back as Arsene has said in the past the youngster doesn't isn't suited to the role. Perhaps it was due to Miquel's errors at City.

Things just keeping getting tougher for goalkeepers. The match balls continue to be more active and fly faster, attackers are stronger and smarter, and now the U-23 coaching staff has added a new challenge: the absence of light.
OK, it was just for one session and it wasn't actually planned that way, but it still made the training interesting.

As Sigi Schmid said several times today, "there is no replacing Kasey Keller." Instead Michael Gspurning is just the Seattle Soundersnext keeper. The Austrian Keeper is younger, taller and offers something that Keller didn't have. While he will need to make the saves and learn to command the backline as well as Keller did Gspurning offers a new passing option in the back.

Afternoon. I think this in the business is what they call a round-up. But seeing as I'm not exactly sure what this business is or even if I'm in it, I'll just go ahead and scatter-gun some nonsense at you and see if anything sticks.

Tottenham pull Cheltenham out of the old F.A Cup hat, then.

How can anyone dare to question the abilities of my favourite Satay House fan Benoît Pierre David Assou-Ekotto? Not to be confused with the wife and child killing wrestler Chris Benoit, Assou-Ekotto has been one of our best players this season as far as I'm concerned. That is in addition to having the world's biggest head of hair and saying 'lol satay house' on the majority of his tweets.