Sergio knows just how much of a burden being pretty can really be. We're lucky we're so plain. Images via Hola! magazine.

Sergio Ramos and Lara Alvarez were papped being all cutesy in Rome over the holidays cutesy like how Zac Effron and Vanessa Hudgens used to be during their 'High School Musical' days.

This is how the couple on holiday in Ibiza started off their day in their sun loungers. And this is how things ended. Kickettes, help us figure out what happened in between?

Manchester City player Carlos Tevez spent the day yesterday competing in wheelbarrow races at the beach with his two daughters while the future of his professional services continued to remain a mystery.

Madrid's tuxedo boutiques are having the best day ever. Images: Divinity.es.

Sergio let his hair down in Madrid earlier today whilst shopping with his brother Rene and girlfriend Lara Alvarez. He wore a fantastic ensemble from the well-known design house, We Actually Don't Hate What You're Wearing, and was apparently on the hunt for a tuxedo.

Arsenal's Robin van Persie and Thomas Vermaelen sat with RvP's son, Shaqueel, during the NextGen Series Final between Ajax U19 and Inter Milan U19 at Matchroom Stadium on 25.3.2012 in London. Image: Julian Finney/Getty Images Europe.

Former Italian footballer Christian Vieri went for a run walk on the beach in Miami with his fellow bachelor, Davide Bombardini, earlier today. Vieri has been single and working on shifting the pounds ever since his longterm on/off love, Melissa Satta, moved onto (and on top of) Kevin-Prince Boateng.

Bojan Krkic was all but mauled by a Kickette Soldier girl at his book signing last week.

We're beyond proud.

Saturday

- Chelsea FC owner and Russian bajillionaire, Roman Abromovich, spared no expense for his New Year's Eve party in St Bart's.

Retired German footballer, Lothar Matthäus, did his best to act natural whilst filming scenes for his upcoming reality show early yesterday morning.

If you've been blissfully unaware of what's been happening in Lothar's life, consider yourself lucky.

The backstory is: because Lothar's repeated misfortunes both on and off the field have been closely monitored by the German media, the 50-year-old's post-pitch notoriety largely stems from him being the butt of the their jokes.

Images: Flynetpictures.

Canadian hip hop superstar, Drake, made a MEN Arena concert tour stop up north on Saturday night. Stacks of local 'ballers, WAGs and wannabes flocked.

With an entire of catalogue of hit songs from Drake (real name Aubrey Graham) to choose from and not nearly enough snark from us to spit we've remixed Drake's mottos in true Kickette fashion to give you a rundown of who showed and who didn't.

It's day two of the Rooney family's Sin City hols at the Wynn Hotel, and they're engrossed in all the activities one would expect to see of rich people on vacay:

Coleen: lazily lounging in the sun, putting that taxing schedule on hold for another day. We've all been there chica.

Kai: Being tired, crabby and crabby about being tired.

Lionel Messi was honored in Rosario, his hometown city, as the Embosser of Rosario in the World just before the start of the New Year. His Mum, Celia (pictured above), and his brothers were on-hand to offer the Barcelona player their support.

Lionel Messi was honored in Rosario, his hometown city, as the Embosser of Rosario in the World just before the start of the New Year. His Mum, Celia (pictured above) and his brothers were also present and supporting the Barcelona player.

Read More: Maldini to join PSG as coach?

Is this an act of revenge, Kickettes?

Sergio was channeling his inner Yorkshireman when posing for a picture with 12-year-old Spanish singer, Pilar Bogado (middle).

Sergio was channeling his inner Yorkshireman when posing for a picture with 12-year-old Spanish singer, Pilar Bogado (middle).

Image: Bauer Griffin.

There once was a time that we tracked Freddie L's every move and outfit like he was Santa Claus coming from the North Pole to drop presents at our flats.

We're less inclined to do so since he started dressing like a 'Deadliest Catch' crew member.

Are we wrong, Kickettes?

Weight can be a taboo and touchy subject for we females to talk about, so out of respect for our secret stashes of junk food stuffed in our desk drawers, we won't be going there today.

We do hope the same can't be said for the following footballers, though, because we are taking them and their waistlines there today.

Image: REUTERS/Benoit Tessier.

The animal kingdom had a good weekend, y'all.

First, Chelsea's John Terry, took his wife and kids to meet characters from the movie "Madagascar" at Chessington World Of Adventures in Surrey. Then, Zinedine Zidane graced France's Disneyland Resort with his presence to launch the new Disney Dreams show as part of the theme park's 20th anniversary celebrations.

Don't most golf courses have a thing against players wearing jeans? Especially faded grey, slightly acid washed ones? Image: Clint Hughes/Getty Images Europe.

Check out the hammie striations as well as the suction cup swim trunks before seeing the answer after the jump.

Who got today's identity contest correct without cheating, Kickettes?

Note to selves: avoid the Rose nightclub in Marylebone at all costs.

When we said we'd stick with the crème de la crème of football through thick and thin, we didn't mean this thick.

Those poor buttons will never be the same again.

Georgette Eto'o, wife of footballer Samuel Eto'o, took her kids and their nannies shopping on Lincoln Road in Miami Beach, Florida just before the weekend. Sadly, they left four stores empty-handed before retreating back to their hotel.

Since we last checked up on Mrs E, she's gone shorter on top, which was a bold hair move that appears to be paying off quite nicely for her.

Chelsea won the FA Cup final 2 -1 over Liverpool on Saturday. Well done lads.

Now let's get to what we do have the authority to speak on: footballers' party habits.

To both Chelsea and LFC fans, we have the following to offer for either maintaining your good mood or improving your irritation:

- In the locker room post-match, most of the exciting action occurred over Didier Drogba's shoulder whilst he was being interviewed by Chelsea TV: Branislav Ivanovic tried to dance (0.

What would a day at the races be without a few (former and current) Manchester United players?

Probably a less profitable one, as lordy these lads like to gamble.

Only three 'ballers braved yesterday's rain in their Chester Races suited finery: Darren Fletcher (with wife, Hayley Grice), Wayne Rooney (also joined by his wife, Coleen) and ex-United teammate/current Sunderland player Wes Brown (who went without Leanne Wassell).

A bunch of RM hotties took their ladies to the annual spot-the-baller-in-the-stands tennis tourney this weekend. Image: Reuters.

Dear Lara "Miss Overkill On The Makeup" Alvarez,

Please seek some application advice from Irina Shayk at your earliest convenience.

We know. We can't believe we said that either.

Michael Owen is leaving Manchester United. Not offered a new contract. Going to take a short holiday then decide what to do next. Him, not us.

Oh, hai there. Image: EFE.

Saturday

- Our mums always said don't let a guys' wrinkled clothes or dodgy bull fight hairstyles fool you because it's what's inside their pants and underneath their shirts that counts. [ABC.es]

- Heart of Midlothian 'ballers, hang onto your 2012 Scottish Cup winners' medals.

That hotel's colour palate isn't doing Abbey's "topless millionaire WAG/model on holiday" aura any favours, now is it?

Massimo, don't you think it's time to ditch the old handmade pointer-to-pinky mobile device and upgrade to an iPhone? C'mon, everybody's doing it!

Is Queens Park Rangers striker Djibril Cisse on holiday with Rosie Roff in Miami Beach, FL or did they just happen to run into one another? Last time we saw Djibril and Jude Cisse out together was back in February at Liverpool's Playground nightclub. Still, you can probably imagine how surprised we were to see the [.

Antonio Cassano is a lefty? Righty-ho then! Saturday - Words, words, words...Gerard Pique and Shakira kissed...words, words, words...was it better or worse than seeing Iker and Sarah's kiss? - Alexandre Pato: he's back with Brazil, and he's got good hair. - Liverpool's John Henry walked, talked and sipped a caffe latte with Wigan manager Roberto [.

It's a good thing Aitor Ocio has his abs to fall back on because starting next season, he's out of a job at Athletic Bilbao. Gainful employers, now's your time to step forward and hire this man's bodily services at a cut price, no less. Image: vanitatis.

Stewart Downing and his girlfriend (?) went shopping in Manchester city centre on Monday, the 28th, which doesn't sound like normal form for a player in the midst of prepping for the Euros alongside his international teammates. We loathe ourselves for even saying this but, per The Daily Mail, England's first official day of training [.

Grrr...we hate when we have to watermark pics like this, too. We're all suckers for a man with a baby, but day-um, when it's a shirtless Fernando Torres on an Ibiza beach with two kids his son, Leo, and daughter, Nora there is no higher (or hotter) 'ballers and bubbas summit. Honestly, could [...

Images: Fame FlynetPictures. Just think: this time next week, we'll no longer have to use things like Fernando Torres' family to distract you from the otherwise lacklustre off season news, gossip and rumour mills. Score one for the universe. - GOOD WEEK Image: Fame FlynetPictures. Big Fish, Little Fish: Manchester United are reportedly circling Crewe [.

Shakira's boyfriend ventured into a Barcelona hair salon today to shape up his coif. Style options were shave it, trim it or just invest in a decent dry shampoo. Pique's "before" or "after" shots weren't available, which means it's anybody's guess as to how things turned out. We, for one, never took issue with his [.