Oh, glory, it's that time of year when the footy players on holiday pics start rolling in.

It's all we've got until the season starts up again, and we'll be clinging to vacation snaps like Michael Ballack's wet swimsuit on his nethers.

Speaking of Michael, the Chelsea midfielder is off for a break in Florida with his wife, Simone.

It's Friday, and although we always start (and finish) the day with an alcoholic beverage and/or chocolate infused with alcohol, we're quite certain we're sober enough to I.D. Arsenal's Samir Nasri on holiday with Sunderland/Marseille striker Djibril Cissé.

Their partners, tennis player Tatiana Golovin and Jude Cissé, were also in attendance and have been taking shoulder taxis throughout Miami beach.

Nothing like starting the week off with a site virus that chews through our precious man candy photos in the middle of the night.

Never mind, it could have been worse. We've fixed the problem and are mentally and emotionally recovered.

Not so for this dude who has to deal with three Chelsea boys chortling away at his man boobs and tricep tonage (or lack thereof).

See the rest of the jaw-droppingly delicious Fernando Torres and Nora photos at ONTD Football

Oh, glory, it's that time of year when the footy players on holiday pics start rolling in.

It's all we've got until the season starts up again, and we'll be clinging to vacation snaps like Michael Ballack's wet swimsuit on his nethers.

Speaking of Michael, the Chelsea midfielder is off for a break in Florida with his wife, Simone.

Edwin van der Sar and his wife, Annemarie, on vacation with their children in France. Looks like Vandy's still got it!

Portsmouth's Peter Crouch is currently enjoying his holidays in Sardinia with long-time gal, Abbey Clancy. This is a couple that is always loved up, and we likey.

We're not quite feeling the "Just cause she dances go-go, that don't make her a ho, no" bikini. But we do give full props to Abbey for having one of the best WAG bods in the business.

It's Friday, and although we always start (and finish) the day with an alcoholic beverage and/or chocolate infused with alcohol, we're quite certain we're sober enough to I.D. Arsenal's Samir Nasri on holiday with Sunderland/Marseille striker Djibril Cissé.

Their partners, tennis player Tatiana Golovin and Jude Cissé, were also in attendance and have been taking shoulder taxis throughout Miami beach.

Gigi Buffon (Juventus), little Louis and Alena Seredova (who is pregnant with the couple's second child) go for a ride in Forte dei Marmi. Image via Flynet. See more pics at Celebrity Baby Scoop

Can't move forward with your life until you know what some of the Barcelona FC boys have been up to this summer? Let us help.

We know Gerard Pique got his Vegas on at the Palms; Samuel Eto'o has been in Miami, Florida with his wife/children; and baby Bojan has been bike riding in Linyola, Spain.

We wish there was enough news coming down the wire to have a weekly Aitor Ocio update, don't you?

The Atletico Bilbao defender is our latest obsession, and he was spotted on vacation in Cadiz, Spain recently with his ex, Laura Sanchez and their daughter, Naia.

Don't panic.

Sources close to the couple say that the trip together is not a reconciliation and that there is "no chance" they will get back together.

Some of the Tottenham FC crew have headed to Miami beach for their holidays.

We give you: Tom "pinky" Huddlestone and Aaron "see my drawers" Lennon, who have been seen relaxing by the pool and taking in some sun in Florida.

Miami is definitely one of the hot spots for footballer vacations this year - and we are still waiting for our beach-based Kickettes to email us with their stalker-cam evidence of shenanigans and bad behaviour.

The Maldini family - ex-AC Milan legend Paolo, wife Adriana and sons Cristian and Daniel - are doing their best to make everyone else on the beach in Miami look unattractive.

Obviously, they are succeeding.

Paolo is also succeeding at convincing us of the importance of sunscreen in preventing premature aging of the skin, but let's not take away from this moment by pointing that out.

Footballer break season has been underway for some time, and whilst we've certainly enjoyed the onslaught of holiday photos, we have felt rather deprived from visions of metallic swim trunks and freshly waxed skin. Normally, one can rely on Sergio Ramos to come through with these such goods, but so far, he's been curiously incognito.

Kiko Macheda texts whilst tanning during a trip to Sardinia, Italy with his boys. June 23, 2009.

Barcelona back-up plan Cesc Fabregas and his girlfriend, Carla, have arrived in our favourite city for a short holiday.

As you can see, Cesc decided the faux-hawk with bleach was a no go for NYC.

Speaking of the faux-hawk, the person to blame is Cesc's Spanish NT-mate, Gerard Pique.

Lionel Messi poses with Mickey Mouse at Walt Disney World Resort. Why is the combination of footballers and people dressed as cartoon characters so damn entertaining? Catch the video here. Image via EMPICS

Isn't it supposed to be "Peace Up, A-town Down?" This looks more like "Peace Up, The Ponytail Groomer is Thataway." Not quite the same G-factor, but no matter.

Liverpool's Andriy Voronin and family are in Florida for their holiday break they've been there for a week. Curious, as we're quite sure Liverpool had a game yesterday.

Frank Lampard is still on holiday in Las Vegas.

It's been longer than 48 hours. In fact, it's been a week.

We didn't think it was possible to "do" Vegas for that long without dying of alcohol poisoning or catching something that requires a prescription. But it would seem Lampsy is in his element: sun, poolside drinks and skanky chicas as far as the eye can see.

Images via Sergio-Ramos.com

Just 24 hours after our concern for the well being of everyone's favourite fashion plate, we have located Sergio Ramos.

He is tanning. He is topless. He is with a random blonde. All is right with the world.

Apparently, Sergio has been laying low because he feels his "glamorous" life has done damage to his image.

Images via Sergio-Ramos.com

Just 24 hours after our concern for the well being of everyone's favourite fashion plate, we have located Sergio Ramos.

He is tanning. He is topless. He is with a random blonde. All is right with the world.

Apparently, Sergio has been laying low because he feels his "glamorous" life has done damage to his image.

There are several things we could discuss about Mr and Mrs Rooney doing the holiday thing in France:

Coleen's jet-ski action;
Coleen's cute bikini;
Wayne's inability to tan;
Etc

But we find that the only thing we can focus on is science. In particular, human skin and its ability to stretch to baby-sized proportions.

Gigi Buffon (Juventus), little Louis and Alena Seredova (who is pregnant with the couple's second child) go for a ride in Forte dei Marmi. Image via Flynet. See more pics at Celebrity Baby Scoop

This right here?

It's how it's meant to be, Kickettes.

John and Frank. Frank and John. In the pool, slightly sloshed after a drink or two, soaking up all the afternoon UV rays in full, skin-scorching effect, bonding over the sweet intoxicating aroma of chlorine. Life is good.

If you can bring yourself to get past any deep rooted fear of the elderly in swimming trunks and click play, you'll be rewarded with a video of the Manchester United boys in the pool. We see you, Berba!

[ONTD via The Spoiler]

Kiko Macheda texts whilst tanning during a trip to Sardinia, Italy with his boys. June 23, 2009.

(Summary is not available.)

Andrea Dossena is an Italian semi-pocket sizer who plays for Liverpool FC, though he may make a move to a European club this summer. He's currently on holiday in Italy, sunning it up in the beautiful Capri.

We'd like to expand on this story with some sort of interesting anecdote, factual information, or even a clever limerick.

Federico Macheda works his rhythm sticks and (ouch) sunburn in Sardinia. Go Kiko! July 1 2009

Footballer break season has been underway for some time, and whilst we've certainly enjoyed the onslaught of holiday photos, we have felt rather deprived from visions of metallic swim trunks and freshly waxed skin. Normally, one can rely on Sergio Ramos to come through with these such goods, but so far, he's been curiously incognito.

We wish there was enough news coming down the wire to have a weekly Aitor Ocio update, don't you?

The Atletico Bilbao defender is our latest obsession, and he was spotted on vacation in Cadiz, Spain recently with his ex, Laura Sanchez and their daughter, Naia.

Don't panic.

Sources close to the couple say that the trip together is not a reconciliation and that there is "no chance" they will get back together.

Paolo Maldini and his family take in a little lunch at Pastis in New York's Meat Packing District. Aug 9, 2009. Why do they keep rejecting our adoption request? We promise we'll wash the dishes and keep our room tidy.

It's that special time of year, Kickettes.

No, not the time when you can finally justify spending your rent money on a pair of over-the-knee boots because it's fall well, that too but, because it's Oktoberfest. Cue dozens of footballers photographed taking part in beer swilling and much lederhosen merriment.

David Bentley invokes the "British Man Dance Clause of 1997", which allows for hip shimmys and erect thumbs as common and acceptable forms of dance movement when abroad. June 9, 2009, Marbella, Spain.

David Bentley invokes the "British Man Dance Clause of 1997", which allows for hip shimmys and erect thumbs as common and acceptable forms of dance movement when abroad. June 9, 2009, Marbella, Spain.

Chelsea star Ashley Cole and his wife Cheryl head for a break from Heathrow Airport, June 11, 2009

Chelsea star Ashley Cole and his wife Cheryl head for a break from Heathrow Airport, June 11, 2009

Some of the Tottenham FC crew have headed to Miami beach for their holidays.

We give you: Tom "pinky" Huddlestone and Aaron "see my drawers" Lennon, who have been seen relaxing by the pool and taking in some sun in Florida.

Miami is definitely one of the hot spots for footballer vacations this year - and we are still waiting for our beach-based Kickettes to email us with their stalker-cam evidence of shenanigans and bad behaviour.

Usually we find Rio Ferdinand's sense of dress to be high on style and approval points.

Today, we are hoping to receive information that he was asked to wear this cut-off multi-fruit-flavoured vest whilst on holiday in Israel because he lost a very serious bet. Or, perhaps he has contracted some sort of heat virus that has already affected his decsion-making ability.

The Maldini family - ex-AC Milan legend Paolo, wife Adriana and sons Cristian and Daniel - are doing their best to make everyone else on the beach in Miami look extremely unattractive.

Obviously, they are succeeding.

Paolo is also succeeding at convincing us of the importance of using sunscreen in preventing premature aging/leathering of the skin, but let's not take away from this moment by pointing that out.