In honor of Ryan Cochrane's new lip monster...
...it's time to review some of the great mustaches in football history. Feel free to suggest others.
Carlos ValderramaHis look just wouldn't be right without it, the 'stache completes him.

Thierry HenryHe like to get handsy with it.

Lately, when it comes to Cristiano Ronaldo, we feel like we've been watching the longest episode of Punk'd ever made. We've never wanted to mase Ashton Kutcher as bad as we do now.

Low and behold, the latest rancid rose to be shat from Ronaldo's blingtastic bowels: a luxury hotel and golf course bearing his name.

I'm just going to put this out there. There is a good chance that if you live in an MLS market the weather outside is frightful. Here in New York it's as if God spilled his clear, lemon-lime Slushie all over the city. It's disgusting and it makes you question why anyone lives anywhere in this country other than Southern California and South Beach.

It was a wonderfully WAGalicious weekend, Kickettes. Our weekend gossip cheat sheet is never meant to make you feel inadequate, but we understand if you can't help feeling that way today. Images: Vendula Fantová for Idnes.cz.

Saturday

Former Miss Czech Repubic, occasional weather girl and the girlfriend of Arsenal 'baller Thomas Rosicky, Radka Kocurova, has linked up with two other former Czech beauty queens to help shill shresses (Ed Note: tops that double as extremely short dresses) for The Good Deeds Organisation.

Former PUNK'D and That 70s Show star Ashton Kutcher has joined SB Nation as a member of the company's board of advisors.

Business Insider is reporting that Kutcher will be paid in company stock and joins SB nation to give advice on technology and sports, both of which the 33-year-old actor is apparently very passionate about.