"I did not see the manager..."

After Arsenal's 'kids' lost 3-0 to Man City in the League Cup quarter final, Arsene Wenger stormed off down the tunnel at Eastlands without – shock, horror! – shaking hands with Mark Hughes.

This is the perfect ammo for the tabloids to have a xenophobic pop at "rude, ungracious Wenger", and while the Gunners' gaffer should have risen above Sparky's aggressive touchline behaviour, I can understand his frustration at being beaten by the team that poached Adebyor and Toure from under his nose.

It's good to see footballers fall on their arse, says The Double D. That's good enough for me, Danny, you cockernee slaaaaag. I've been saying that for years.

If you feel the same way, and the sound of Dyer's voice doesn't make you want to drive into the sea, buy his new Football Foul-Ups DVD.

Can sheep really write?
Tevez a Rooneyphile?
When will the Arse learn how to turn their wonderful interpretation of the game into a consistent invincibility?
Have you heard the one about the joking Italian?
Does he really think we are that stupid?
Answers on a postcard please.

Ok, I have done this to death, but Arshavin is really starting to cheese me off, big time. A few months ago Kelsey suggested Audrey really wanted to be at another club and I thought he was so wrong. Well sorry Kelsey, I now see exactly where you are coming from, and just maybe you are right.

Arsenal salió con mucha autoridad y mente fría a no dejarse avasallar por el puntero del campeonato Newell's Old Boys. Increíblemente, el cuadro rosarino fue una sombra en los 90 minutos de juego y fue fácilmente superado por la propuesta del Viaducto, efectiva y precisa, arriesgando sólo lo justo y necesario para aprovechar los constantes errores del rival, fruto del nerviosismo por la gran chance de salir campeón que se estaban jugando.

If you're a footballer and you don't own anything by Louis Vuitton, there will be hell to pay.

We're quite certain you're fined by FIFA, forced to write "Football is my life but Louis Vuitton is my religion" using a limited edition diamond-encrusted Mont Blanc pen across your lowly Gucci wares and then beat across the arse with a Monogram Murakami Canvas Clutch until those creepy anime characters mock you into repentence.

If you're a footballer and you don't own anything by Louis Vuitton, there will be hell to pay.

We're quite certain you're fined by FIFA, forced to write "Football is my life but Louis Vuitton is my religion" using a limited edition diamond-encrusted Mont Blanc pen across your lowly Gucci wares and then beat across the arse with a Monogram Murakami Canvas Clutch until those creepy anime characters mock you into repentence.

Did the title get your attention? I usually find insulting headlines draw more comments. Wonder why that is? Too many trolls I guess.

Right, I have decided, as the rest of you seem obsessed with other things, that this shall be my next crusade. These things just find you, you know?

Can you ID the defender in this old-arse school photo?

We're not giving any hints away just yet, but this second photo makes it a little bit easier. (Just look for the biggest geek.) We'll reveal tomorrow, though we suspect he'll be outted by an eagle-eyed reader pretty quickly.

Can you ID the defender in this old-arse school photo?

We're not giving any hints away just yet, but this second photo makes it a little bit easier. (Just look for the biggest geek.) We'll reveal tomorrow, though we suspect he'll be outted by an eagle-eyed reader pretty quickly.

Ever since Australia's untimely exit from the 2006 WC (yes, I'm still harping on about that incident!), I've had an insatiable hatred for all teams Italian, so I really didn't care that Juve took the lead last night and then in true German style, had their arse's carved out of ...

Last night's match turned out a lot differently than I thought it would. OK, so I was pretty sure we'd lose, but I thought we might see the kids gets a spanking and genuinely feared for them. Instead, we were left happy with 1-0, safe in the knowledge that we should have/could have won the game an dthe kids coped more than admirably.

Bloody hell man. I am most *boilked* indeed. I was at the wedding of some chums last night. A beautiful couple they were, shame about the rest of us, although I was told a couple of times that I looked like a contract killer in my quite sharp indeed suit. It's something I'm considering if this recession gets any worse.

I don't think I can quite believe it. We went in to a game Wenger described as 'must win' and we won, while being as far from our best as the Spuds will be from the top of the table come the end of the season. We did what Champions do. Laugh if you want, I've listened to laughter from others all season.

Catalonia head coach Johan Cruyff has included Arsenal star Cesc Fabregas in his squad for the friendly against Argentina later this month against the wishes of Arsene Wenger.

However, the Arse are under no obligation to release their skipper as Catalonia are not recognised by FIFA.

Right, Man City at the Lane tonight and our first chance of the season to test ourselves against the financial cream of the crop. They may not be amongst the Premier League's elite quite yet but with their spending power and monetary clout and the fact that, in reality, they're in direct competition with us for the same spots, their visit has more spice about it than usual.

7:45am, live in the US on espn2
Last 4 head-to-head:
3-2 Liverpool (a) 02.07.09
1-0 Liverpool (h) 10.29.08
4-1 Liverpool (h) 12.22.07
0-0 (a) 09.15.07
Last three matches:
Liverpool: 2-1 Wigan (h); 1-2 Arsenal (h); 1-2 Fiorentina (h)
Pompey: 1-2 Chelsea (a); 1-1 Sunderland (a); 2-0 Burnley (h)
Goalscorers (league):
Liverpool: Torres 11; Kuyt 5; Benayoun, Gerrard, Ngog 4; Babel, Johnson 2; Skrtel 1
Pompey: Dindane 4; Boateng, Kaboul 3; Piquionne 2; Hreidarsson, O'Hara, Yebda 1
Referee: Lee Mason
Guess at a squad:
Reina
Johnson Carragher Agger Aurelio
Lucas Mascherano
Kuyt Gerrard Benayoun
Torres
It's almost the same line-up I guessed last time out, except no Aquilani, which I'm sure will be well received.

About this time last year if you were asked whether you wanted Klaas-Jan Huntelaar in your team you'd probably have been pretty excited by the prospect.
The man was a goal-machine, albeit in a weaker Dutch league, but was untested in a stronger European one. However, he has a strong goal-scoring record at international level.

Greetings, merry men. It's been a fairly hectic few days and, as the holiday season wears on, it's bound to stay the same.

While I was away, a few things happened and among those few things included United losing its fifth game of the season; this time a 3-0 loss to Fulham. I wasn't home that day, and missed the match.

A couple of days before Christmas Gooner Junior brought some wood over for us.
My Lover fed him mince pies.
As he was leaving, My Lover said to him "I think there is a very real possibility that The Arse may win the Premiership this season. I wish you luck mate."
"I can't believe you said that," I said after he had left.

Cometh the end of 2009. And whilst it wasn't strictly an annus mirrabilis for Harry Redknapp's men, it was certainly a year of overriding positives. As we sit healthily in 4th place going into the turn of the decade, there's a sense that the only way is up.
Even the traditionally difficult Christmas period has been kind to us.