Oh dear. Our friend Dimitar Berbatov is tangled up in a web of jealousy, deceit, and threats of violence with a couple that also meant trouble for former Liverpool backup goalkeeper Nikolay Mihailov, who publicly made fun of former girlfriend and 2006 Playmate of the Year Nikoleta Lozanova and ended up going into hiding after getting his Ferrari doused in acid at orders of her current boyfriend, Bulgarian mob boss Georgi ‘The Head' Stoilov.

Italian hardman shows off his Y-fronts It is a good job this didn't happen every time Jurgen Klinsmann hit the deck in this fashion or he would probably be on the Sex Offenders Register by now. During last night's defeat to Egypt, Italy midfielder Gennaro Gattuso somehow ended up with his brown shorts around his ankles [.

After 120 minutes of play, a few things are expected on the pitch from players competing at a high level; fatigue, sweat, determination and things of that nature. But watching the a bouncing ball amongst thye walking wounded out there (and I am not just speaking of David Beckham), I have one message to the rest of the league:

Now you know the hell that is artificial turf.

Before we get to the award, an announcement...
Over the next two and a half weeks, we'll be running a contest here with some pretty cool prizes to give away. And to win them, all you have to do is vote for the Benny Awards! The team's hooked me up with the following prizes: a DC United/Volkswagen team scarf, the 2009 DC United media guide, and a Gatorade/MLS towel.

In St. Truiden's 2-0 win over Standard Liege on Sunday, Standard's Reginal Goreux (teammate to king of the dirty tacklers, Axel Witsel) attempted to decimate the ankle of Wim Mennes, but it didn't work.

Not only did Mennes' ankle not turn to dust, it was even functional requiring nothing more than an ice pack wrapped to it as he walked back to the dressing room.

I got in trouble that last time I posted something unconfirmed, but under my new charter of "being unofficial, being irresponsible, and being the first to report stuff", I'll give it a go anyway.

I just heard from my source (the same one that said the Real Madrid was confirmed, and then it was later on in the week he said it would happen), that Ben communicated to a confidant that he was done playing due to the pain he was experiencing.

If Edin Dzeko didn't want to leave Wolfsburg before, he might be thinking about it now.

Nothing says welcome back to training like your own teammate (Andrea Barzagli) taking you out at the ankles and causing a ligament injury that will rule you out for two weeks.

I've been feeling this way for a while now, but haven't had the courage to come out and say it. I know it's only three little words, but what if it's not reciprocated? What if I'm laughed at? The words, of course, are those that goes through my mind increasingly each time I see Chelsea play, so here they go.

We've had lots of Arsenal fans on here over the past couple of days telling us that Wayne Rooney dived, just like Eduardo, to earn United their equalising goal and way back in to the game. We have been accused of wearing red-tinted specs (something I happily admit to and challenge any passionate football fan to view a game from any perspective other than biased towards their own team!

Oh how different one week makes...last week's review had me raving about Liverpool's form and their attacking potency, I then had the displeasure of watching Liverpool lose in the Champions League against Fiorentina and the gut-wrenching loss to Chelsea, the team I disliked the most. The media is already writing off Liverpool's chances but I will defer my opinions until after the Christmas/New Year matches.

TORONTO - Age appears nothing but a number for the beloved Captain of Pistolas FC Charles Eppich, as he continues to score goals in limited games, and remains the All-Time Goalscorer.
In fact he scored 2 goals in the finals to bring his 2009 tally to 6 and his all-time tally to 12.
But his absence from the roster during the Toronto Cup - an absence not brought on by availability - left many teammates and fans wondering about the status of our fearless leader.

CRISTIANO RONALDO does not have to be operated, for the moment.Dr. Dijk, Dutch & World specialist on ankles, has recommended another15 days of complete rest & a return to his Consultancy to determine theevolution of the injury. If there is no improvement, operating maybe become the option, although Dr.

Bendtner - caught with his trousers down.

It is one of the more unsavoury sides of English football. The tabloid headlines and pictures outlying in detail the drunken antics of professional footballers.

Court appearances, suspensions, rehab visits, it isn't what a manager needs when planning a big game, let alone the far reaching impact such problems can have.

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me standing here and casually leaning against this...thing. I am The Berba.

You might remember me from such places as: under your bed, hiding in your closet with a video camera, or the man in scuba gear waiting for you in your bathtub.

Reina
Arbeloa Carragher Agger Insua
Benayoun Alonso Mascherano Riera
Kuyt
Torres
Goals:
Torres 5' 33'
Agger 83'
Ngog 90'
That's an acceptable response to Wednesday. It looked like it'd be a 2-0 hammering for the majority, but two more in the last ten minutes made the scoreline representative of the match.

It didn't take long, did it? Two years after losing Congress and only five months after Bush left office and it's in shambles. Yeah, and they called Al Gore a sore loser. I also think it's cute that they've embraced identity politics at the same time that we're supposed to have moved beyond that, but that's besides the point.

TORONTO - With many regulars out of the lineup for this Sunday's Semi Final, the challenge falls upon two silent workhorses to up their games, and provide the spark to victory.
Both Conrad Chan and Ivano the Raging Bull have missed their fair share of matches to both injuries and personal reasons.

What better way to promote a new pair of boots than by wreaking havoc against your old team and literally tearing them apart! Getting stuck into Fabergas' ankles, taking a chunk out of Van Persies face and then basking in glory in front of the Arsenal fans when scoring have ...

Photo by ISIphotos.com

One of the longest tenured MLS players called it a career today, as D.C. United midfielder Ben Olsen officially announced his retirement from professional soccer at a press conference at RFK Stadium.

It's Quarter Final time and you know what that means folks... over the next two weeks, somebody gonna get a-hurt real bad! Well not like Santi Cazorla's broken ankle hurt but more like a bruised ego or battered feelings... like the time I was caught with my pants around my ankles at the school dance and everyone was staring, pointing and laughing.

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me standing here and casually leaning against this...thing. I am The Berba.

You might remember me from such places as: under your bed, hiding in your closet with a video camera, or the man in scuba gear waiting for you in your bathtub.

AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:

1. ROMANIAN RIOTS IF A FAN EVER CAME ON THE PITCH AND TRIED TO SCORE A GOAL ON ME I WOULD SNAP HIS ANKLES LIKE BREADSTICKS!!!! I WOULD ALSO LECTURE HIM ON THE DANGERS OF INVADING THE PITCH BUT THAT WOULD BE FAR LESS INTERESTING!

Let's start with the good news and the 2-0 win last night means we've qualified for the knock-out stages and won our group. With games coming thick and fast the manager will have the luxury of being able to rest players for the trip to Greece in a couple of weeks time. I suspect we'll see an almost Carling Cup selection for that one.

Featuring the most fleeting glimpse of Sparky's incredibly naff trophy cabinet/sideboard...

"Boof. Stick that in your technical area, Arsene!"

See, Hughes could play a bit, with his famously strong ankles. Shame he's turned into one of the most colourless, dour managers around, and a bit of a wind-up merchant too.

Morning all, a quick Saturday round-up for you. Who wants a lengthy round-up anyway?

The team news ahead of tomorrow's epic crunch battle with the smashers of mugs is that Abou Diaby is probably back. And that's about it. Nobody else. So no Eduardo, as far as we know. Normally the team news is quite definitive, it's all a bit up in the air really.

Lionel Messi will not play this weekend in Barcelona's league match against Espanyol. The star Argentine forward suffered a fairly serious ankle injury earlier in the week when Barcelona faced-off against Dynamo Kyiv in Champions League competition.

And just to make the young superstar's luck a little bit worse the injury transpired in the last few minutes of the match on a hard tackle from an opposing player.

Though Boulogne's Adefemi Olubayo was already shown a yellow card in the second half of his side's 2-0 loss to Marseille two weeks ago, he was still shown a straight red for this attempt to slide right through Hatem Ben Arfa's ankles like they were bowling pins. To his credit though, after starting to trot off the pitch following the red card, Olubayo turns around and gives Ben Arfa a handshake and a hug for almost removing his feet from his body.

It was late Saturday night. Not a creature was stirring, not even my chocolate lab puppy.

When all through the house there was a shout; Estudiantes had--again--almost knocked Leo Messi out.

Nobody in football takes more knocks than Messi. Hello, Manny Paquiao doesn't get hit as much as Messi.