How to look a prat as you score your first Premier League goal Woah! I thought young Premier League footballers surrounded themselves with agents and club advisers to stop them doing daft things like this. We are not quite sure who talked Newcastle youngster Andy Carroll into doing an Elano, but when he looks back to [.

Big mistake, pal.
Tyneside (AP) Newcastle manager Joe Kinnear fumed during over Alan Wiley's decision to disallow Andy Carroll's goal for 'inappropriate cornrows' after Newcastle's 2-1 loss to West Ham United on Saturday afternoon. The defeat leaves Newcastle in sixteenth place in the Premier League table.

This team would win neither titles nor plaudits.  But, they certainly would entertain.  They may even possibly scare small children.  Without further delay, here is the most follically challenged/enlightened team in the English Premier League. Manager: Joe Kinnear (Newcastle) Joe Kinnear is old school and tempestuous, his hair coincides.

Team-mates' training ground scrap Newcastle team-mates Andy Carroll and Charles N'Zogbia came to blows during a training ground bust-up yesterday. Frenchman N'Zogbia, who has made his desire to leave the club well-known, took exception to a tackle from 20-year-old Carroll. The fight took place with a bewildered contingent from Carlisle United - who were at Newcastle's Benton [.

Well that's certainly how it felt. I'll cut to the chase on this one because I've got my GNR preparations and an early night ahead of me. And frankly most of today's game was instantly forgettable. From Enrique's elaborations, to Joey Barton's wonky radar and then over to a lop-sided and blunted formation, there was [.

As voices of discontent gathered at the back of the Milburn stand before the game, they were equally as vociferous in their support for their team once they got inside the ground. The second largest attendance of the day (43,067) certainly made their feelings known.

The Newcastle fans had something to shout about other than the owner as Jonas Gutierrez ran from the halfway, and finished with a shot that went past 'Keeper Joe Lewis.

Toon duo set to fight to the death, or summat The training ground bust-up between Newcastle pair Charles N'Zogbia and Andy Carroll is apparently far from over. The Sun (I know) is today reporting that the players can't wait to scrap it out properly. A rent-a-quote said: "This one is getting out of hand.

Newcastle's first game back, and the entire nation were waiting for them to slip up against promotion favourites West Bromwich Albion. The prelude to the game saw Alan Shearer go on record to say that he would "dearly love" to be manager of Newcastle United.

Rumours of a bust-up within Newcastle's camp saw Joey Barton (surprise surprise) demoted to the subs bench.

There are rumours that Newcastle United will make an announcement about the sale of the club on Monday, although I can't find a direct quote from anyone at the club about this announcement. Other rumours suggest it may be late next week before we find out anything. Sky Sports claims that talks are continuing with Barry [.

Apparently the Sheard-fronted US bid is in trouble. According to The Chronicle, the talks between the bidders and Seymour Pierce broke down after the US consortium failed to provide proof of funds. That's not quite the end of things though as Derek Llambias has been teleconferencing with them, although no progress has been made.

Just when you thought we'd turned some sort of corner, Blackpool go and 'tango' us. Well admittedly, I had to rely on the eyes of the commentating duo of Mick Lowes and John Anderson but the performance sounded as bleak as the conditions and there was nothing pleasurable about the trip to this beach.

! Article Start >Alan Oliver is running an article in The People claiming that all the money from the stadium naming rights will go straight to Chris Hughton to spend on the Newcastle United squad. Ashley has apparently insisted the naming rights won't go cheap and he's looking for £6m a season before he'll sell off [.

! Article Start >Well here it is, the third and final chapter of my first term, first team player review. And not a moment too soon it would seem, to take the focus off Llambias' less than convincing SSN interview. The No.9 shirt is almost as synonymous with Newcastle United, as St James' Park, the black and white [.

Newcastle, unbeaten this season travel down to London to take on Crystal Palace at Selhurst Park. Last week, Neil Warnock, Palace's manager was justifiably infuriated by the goal scored by young Spears which was disallowed. Let's hope the refs will be equally in our favour tomorrow!

NUFC Team News: Barton won't feature for the Toon, while young Andy Carroll and Nicky Butt are expected to take some part in the game.

We're somewhat bereft of strikers at the moment with Ameobi definitely out due to a foot injury and question marks over the fitness of both Carroll and Xisco. The Mirror is reporting that Hughton has asked Everton if he can have James Vaughan on loan to plug the gaps. Vaughan is Everton's youngest ever goalscorer but has [.

It was rumoured a few weeks back that Harewood was one of Hughton's targets to beef up his injury-stricken strike force, but the deal was reputed to be off a few days ago amidst doubts about Harewood's fitness. However it now seems the deal might be back on again. Apparently Hughton has received reassurances from the [.

The slant on this is two-fold. I'm talking both about the new found optimism and feel-good factor surrounding the team on the pitch, and also about our ability to keep that pitch chock-full of experienced professionals. Clearly our start to the season has given cause for genuine surprise throughout the football world, none more so than [.

Newcastle can regain the top spot with a point at Blackpool, although we should be expecting 3 points from our visit to Bloomfield Road if we want to match West Brom and Middlesbrough who both won last night. Blackpool are lingering in the middle of the table having taken 7 points from 6 games. They've only [.

Newcastle United climbed up to second place in the Coca Cola Championship after their 3-1 win over Plymouth Argyle. Newcastle made hard work of this win though and were very lackluster in the first-half. Going in 1-0 up at half-time thanks to a Steven Taylor header, Argyle came out for the second half like a team on a mission.

According to Sky Sports, Hitman Harewood is likely to complete a 3-month loan move to Newcastle by the end of the week. Phil Sproson, the striker's representative, said: "I believe we are close to agreeing everything and hopefully the move can be finalised later this week. "Talks are ongoing between both clubs and I think they are keen [.

Thanks to a late goal from new loan signing Marlon Harewood, Newcastle United managed to avoid defeat, and with it, go three points clear at the top of the Championship.

It wasn't all plain sailing though and QPR proved they were no pushovers. They went in front on the 7th minute after a mistake from Jose Enrique allowed Ben Watson to slide the ball past Steve Harper.

In a game that appears to bear the hallmark of our 'The Entertainers' period, with breathtaking attack and heart-attack inducing defending, England U21s nonetheless came out victors with Newcastle's Andy Carroll playing a starring role in a 6-3 win. The game was played at Coventry's Ricoh Arena and a reasonable crowd of 20,000+ turned out to [.

Well what a miserable bloody night.....stuck in a pub where I could only just about see and hear the game in the first half and where the locals seem to treat the bar as a place to lounge rather than a place to buy a drink. I was already hacked off before the game kicked [...]

Uh-oh! Newcastle left Glanford Park with absolutely nothing tonight as Scunthorpe took all three points with a 2-1 win, and it would take a brave man to suggest the St James' garden is rosy right now. Despite having plenty of possession and creating a number of decent chances, Newcastle spurned several of them and were [.

For such a relatively average game, this one managed to have a little bit of everything. And yet for the majority of it, Newcastle fans were once again left wondering whether this was going to be another long, hard season. With inept displays from Harewood, Carroll and in particular Gutierrez in the first half and [.

! Article Start >Once again, Newcastle United managed to leave us feeling slightly underwhelmed, and yet still went top of the league after taking all three points at Bramall Lane. The fact that we managed to grind out a 1-0 win against the red and white half of Sheffield was largely down to luck at [.

There aren't many things worse than what's happened to our club over the past week or so, and I was hoping that it wouldn't have too much of an impact on the NUFC players. Fortunately (and rather fortuitously), they battled to a hard fought victory over Sheffield United.

The Blades made the Newcastle players work hard for this victory, which on another day, could so easily have gone against us.

strong>At one point during this game, I thought my match write-up might be best illustrated by a big daft grinning smiley. Because at one point, that seemed to sum up the sort of mood around the ground today among Newcastle fans despite all of the ill-feeling toward the current incumbent. This also despite the fact [.

! Article Start >Chris Hughton has been speaking about Andy Carroll, relegation, and the chances this has given to Newcastle United's younger and more inexperienced players in the wake of the great exodus of 2009. Hughton concentrated mostly on Gateshead hitman, Carroll. The 20 year old is now one of the more 'experienced' of the [.

strong>Poor attitude, poor touch, just in it for the money. But enough about my career as a masseur, I'm talking of course about our half-hearted centre forward Marlon Harewood. Currently loaned to Newcastle by Premiership outfit Aston Villa, judging by performances so far, it would seem to most fans there were no flies on Martin [.

As a portion of the football world still await us tripping up and falling flat on our faces, Newcastle United continue to do what we've done best so far this season. A clean sheet and three points in the bag! Tonight's 2-0 victory over Coventry City, meant it was our fourth clean sheet in a [...]

To Anfield, where football was not the most important thing on the agenda for once. Paying respect to those who sadly lost their lives in the Hillsborough disaster, 20 years ago this Wednesday, was at the forefront of everyone's mind. A minute‘s silence, impeccably observed. What followed was fitting; a comprehensive feast of flowing football saw Liverpool sweep Blackburn aside with ease.

Thanks to last night's win over Sheffield Wednesday we go 3rd in the Championship, behind Cardiff and 'Boro on goal difference, sharing 7 points with 5 other teams. Chris Hughton said of the game: "I don't think it was the prettiest win, but nonetheless it was very pleasing. "I think we needed that second goal for the [.

Rumours abound that Andy Carroll may leave the Toon before the transfer window closes tomorrow. As far as I can tell these rumours emanate from The Mirror, which might be good news if we apply the oft used yardstick that the red-tops can be taken less seriously than the broadsheets, but they claim that Carroll is [.

Newcastle United climbed up to second place in the Coca Cola Championship after their 3-1 win over Plymouth Argyle. Newcastle made hard work of this win though and were very lackluster in the first-half. Going in 1-0 up at half-time thanks to a Steven Taylor header, Argyle came out for the second half like a team on a mission.

Newcastle United have a great opportunity to extend their lead at the top of the table but QPR will make for stiff opposition. The three teams below us failed to win last night. West Brom suffered a surprise defeat by Barnsley, Preston lost at home to Reading and Middlesbrough lost at home to Leicester.

If Hughton is thinking about Newcastle United's striking options on Saturday and getting a headache, I'd implore him to take five minutes out to rest his weary head and then make an informed decision. To partner Nile Ranger and Marlon Harewood upfront. That's not a reflection of Andy Carroll's recent form, which has been good and [.

You could be excused for forgetting there was a football match going ahead this afternoon. After the findings of the arbitration yesterday, all the talk has been of last summer and deliberation over whether everyone is happy with the outcome of 'the affair'. Well I took full advantage of my dodgy knee and got to [.

There are plenty of things going at St James' Park at the moment. Some of them have an indirect effect on events on the pitch, and others slightly more direct. One of those which is plainly obvious to some of us, is the direct effect the exclusion of Nile Ranger is having on Newcastle's first [...]

! Article Start >It's a bit early for Christmas shopping, although I've seen some decorations up in Spennymoor when passing through recently(I mean howay........). And of course we've started the panto early up at The Stadium Formerly Known as St James' Park, but according to the rumours, it hasn't stopped Bolton gaffer Gary Megson adding Andy Carroll [.