Americans Outsourced to Europe - Recent posts
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Here's the glorified-public access profile on Detroit-bred Molde striker Josh Gatt that we've all
been asking for. All jokes aside, I know precious little about this kid other than what I read in
random yet seemingly regular tweets when scores so I, for one, could use the education.
Also please try to make it to the end of this clip if you can because the sign off is absolutely
classic.
Damn y'all. U.S. Soccer just went in on the Afro-Germericans™. Between the senior and U-23
callups there are 10 of 'em ready to suit up for the Yanks. Crazy. This has to be the biggest piece
of Afro-German news since Milli (or was it Vanilli?) passed away.
I want to got to Tim Howard's dinner party. Sounds like it would classy as hell.
Who the hell is Royal-Dominique Fennell? I have no idea and you probably don't either unless you
are Brian Sciaretta, Philneezy or German. Apparently though he plays for Stuttgart Kickers, his dad
is (surprise!) a U.S. serviceman and he's been called up to Caleb Porter's U-23's. That's pretty
much all you need to do to be named Afro-Germerican™ of the Moment so congrats Royal-Dominique.
Y'all remember when Young Jozy signed my pumpkin? That was a fun night replete with Bruce Arena's
smirks and tequila shots with Joey Vide. Jozy was just a baby then, hadn't even suited up for the
Nats yet if I recall correctly. My how s*** done changed for him (and his former club but that's
another topic entirely).
Another Europa League match day, another Jozy Altidore goal. I've honestly lost count of how many
he has now with AZ Alkmaar. Can't say I've ever had that issue with an American Outsourced to
Europe™ before; it's a nice problem to have.
According to the good people at Complex magazine, Carlos Bocanegra is One Stylish Latino-American.
That's cool becuase while most folks know Boca is stylish they don't know that he was
Latino-American. You learn something new everyday.
Bam! There's another Afro-Germerican™ out there, which now leaves me one man shy of having enough
players for a Starting XI (thanks for the tips). His name is Jann George, he's 19 and he scored the
other day for Nurnberg's U-23's; I know this because Brian Sciaretta, czar of Americans Outsourced
to Europe™ reporting, says so.
Who is Terrence Boyd? Oh you know just another member of the nü wäve of young
Afro-Germericans
™ that is doing his thing in Deutschland. Things like scoring 6 goals in 6
games for the Borussia Dortmund reserve team. It may only be the reserves but since the only other
striker on the planet with an American passport and club form like that right now is Jozy Altidore
I'm going to big him up.
Fact: Brussels is Europe's most boring city. I spent some time there back in my single days and the
only good things were A) seeing Darren Emerson DJ and B) making out with an English lady I had had
my eye on for a while. Other that that is was whack as hell.
Our Sacha and his Jamie Lee seem to be having a much better time of it though.
So it's been what, a week since the U.S. roster was announced? Where is the good, deep "So who is
this Fabian Johsnon" article? If there is one out there please forward it on. Otherwise I'm going
to be forced to play make believe and create a personality for him. A very youthful, "Taylor Gang
or Die"-American personality.
I'm just going to put this bit of ignorance out there to start the day: every town in Italy looks
exactly the same. Or at least my never-been-to-Italy ass thinks so. Seriously, this looks like an
interview sequence from the current, Florence-filmed season of Jersey Shore; I half-expected to see
a cut of Sammi drunk & crying and a coked-out Situation making "that face" as he looks out over the
top of his sunglasses before the whole thing was over.
I forgot to mention this piece from The Shin Guardian the other day. Looks like Baby Bradley is in
that weird European wilderness/limbo period that hit Jozy & Freddy. Shame that. The Free Michael
Bradley Movement starts now!
From the more obscure corner of the Americans Outsourced to Europe™ file comes this fine display
of 18 yard-box badassitude. Young Euan Holden may be best known for being Stuart's brother but the
kid showed some balls on this one. Go on son.
Since Young Jozy, our Sacha and everyone else who plays on The Continent tried to get on the new
boss' good side this weekend by throwing out a goal, here's another club from the land of World
Wars: Mixx Diskerud getting one in for Stabæk. Watch it because I went threw a lot of trouble to
make the "æ" in "Stabæk.
Belgium is kind of boring. So are PK's. But hey a goal is a goal, particularly when it is scored by
a Yank in Europe. So watch Sacha Kljestan get hacked in the box, score the ensuing kick from the
spot and do a silly celebration dance if only so that you can say you to yourself "I already saw
that" when it shows up in your Twitter feed.
Now that's how you start out on the right foot. Go on son.
Who's Josh Gatt? Some U.S. U-20 kid from Michigan who plays in Norway and just balled out on this
goal for Molde. Watch the defender fall when he gets into the box; fool looks like he was pushed
down by a ghost. Needs to be a .gif.
Just two days ago I asked someone where the hell Eddie Johnson was. Apparently the answer is "in
hot water with his missus." Who knows what was playing on the car stereo at the time but Big Pun
might be back in rotation this morning.
You know your nuptials were epic when there is a trailer for the wedding video. Congrats to Brad G.
on his marriage but I think D.J. Countess still holds the crown for the Most Baller-Ass Wedding
Video Ever By a Former MLS Goalkeeper™. But then again Brad is playing in the EPL and all right
now so we'll call it a draw.
Here we find USMNT keeper Marcus H. playing the role of country gentleman on his ancient English
estate filled with cattle, chickens, a good dog and a garage (pronounced: "gar-ridge") full of
high-end bicycles. Dude seems like something of a ruralist. I can dig that. A couple more years of
living like this and he'll be saying "get orf moi land" with the best of 'em.
I graduated high school in dusty, flat Amarillo, TX, a place far removed from the bayous of
southern Louisiana and woods north Texas that I grew up in. You know why? Because my old man was
transferred at his job. I don't resent having to move but it did change my life in both positive
and negative ways.
I love it when our Stuart talks like a Scotsman. It's like he's bilingual but without all the
hassle of having to learn new words for things that you already know what they are. I also love
that Zat Knight is f***ing with all of us Fulham fans with a claim that he's coming to America. Too
bad he'll be 34 then; retire in Florida cousin, not in MLS.
If the papers are to be believed this video, which was released today, is already outdated. Damn
you speedy news cycle.
According to the Steven Goff, our DaMarcus is in Mexico meeting with Pachuca. I'm not him and I'm
not a player but if the numbers in Goff's piece are to be believed I kinda think I'd stay in
Germany and collect my check or come home and play for less money before I'd go to Mexico.
Pachuca's a fine club, my favorite in Mexico if I have one, but something about that league as a
whole just seems like the DMZ between playing domestically and playing abroad.
I won't front and pretend that I pay attention to what's going on in Sweden because I don't. Hell,
I'm barely concerned with Spain or England these days. But I know baller-assed performance when I
see one --or 1:20 of one at least-- and Alejandro Bedoya gave one this weekend against FK Viking
Ikea 1645.
USMNTer Alejandro Bedoya is trying to make like The Jeffersons and move on up; dude has left Orebro
SK in Sweden and is on trial with Birmingham City. If he ends up moving there I'm calling for a
straight up, All-American party house in Birmingham with Bedoya, Eric Lichaj, Michael Bradley and
The Brads complete with off-season keggers and a deportation-worthy 4th of July party.
Last night while sipping Oban with my dude Brent in the bar at the Hudson Hotel I did something
truly rare: I thought of John O'Brien. This was because Brent brought him up when waxing nostalgic
about about the 2002 World Cup, JOB's command of the U.S. midfield against Portugal while Claudio
Reyna sat the bench and the feeling among many U.
Young Jozy arrived at his new club in Turkey today and was greeted at the airport by reporters and
a f*cking oboe player. Does anyone actually like the oboe? And is that the appropriate way to greet
The Boy King of New York & Jersey™? Dude needs to hear "6 Foot 7" or "No Hands", some sh*t
he can swag off to not snakecharmer music.
I haven't seen Michael Bradley smile in...maybe ever actually. Some people call him Robocop because
of his all-business demeanor & chrome-dome but I'm sure the guy has a laugh every now and then
-possibly when people report that his old man has given a farewell speech to a team he's not been
fired from for instance.
Damn Charlie Davies, you just put the c***block on the All Star Game announcement. Well no, you
didn't at all actually --Steven Goff maybe did just a 'lil bit though-- but news of your possible
move to D.C. United dropping about 10 minutes after the All Star Game announcement was like a
clusterbomb of MLS-related Twitlines.
Shout out to Micheal Bradley for his loan to Aston Villa. With 4 Yanks now on the books the
Villains have moved well beyond Fulham in the "we'll sign anyone with a whiff of light beer &
cheeseburgers about them"-race and that's kinda special. Keeps it interesting.
I'll tell you this as well: if Baby Bradley plays for Villa as well as he's played Heerenveen and
Borussia MonchenGladWrap I guarantee you he will not be there long before his loan goes permanent
or he gets snatched up by one of the EPL's glamor clubs.
So Philly's being all coy & whatnot by stonewalling on the identity of five trialists they have in
camp right now. But a pair of them have been IDed by some local soccer sleuths and one of them is
none other than American soccer's prodigal son/FC Delco product Jeremiah White. Surprising, but a
good get if Philly can keep him.
Edson Buddle scored in his German debut today. You probably read about it on Twitter but in case
you didn't see it, here it is. And as an aside the Duisburg keeper he scored on was American David
Yeldell; kinda cool, kinda not cool if you know what I mean. It's like the American-abroad
equivalent of black-on-black crime (we're heading for self-destruction y'all).
Nice goal by Mo. It's all about the juke though...that's some vintage Emmitt Smith sh*t right
there.
Oh it's not finished...it's just Finnish. So it's official: America's leading exports are tobacco,
civilian aircraft, whiskey, tween stars, hip-hop and goalkeepers. Y'all welcome.
