By Chris Wright
On Saturday night, a chap by the name of Robin Cooper made it onto BBC Five Live's 606 phone-in
and claimed that he had in his possession the Champions League Final matchball after smuggling out
of the Allianz Arena after the game and that he was going to get it home through German customs by
labelling it as 'seismology equipment' a yarn that had host Alan Green appearing to believe every
word.
By Chris Wright
"Dzeko's been purr tonight, very purr. Which reminds me, I hate kittens..."
Anyone who happened to listen to BBC Radio Five Live's coverage of Man City's clash against
Villarreal will have probably turned off (as I did) around about the point that their insufferable,
jowly curmudgeon-in-chief Alan Green added 'orchestrated fan displays' to the long, long list of
piffling things he 'really hates' about football which came about five minutes before
kick-off (a couple of minutes after he'd already taken the time to add the City fans themselves for
having the temerity not to fill the completely fill the stadium on a Tuesday night).
It's been a while since I have come across something so hideous – downright hideous
that I might comment, "That's a deeeownright hiiiiideous decision, Mr. Clattenburg!".
But, with the Autumn leaves slowly turning from green to brown, like my children taking their
mother's surname instead of mine, I picked up a copy of The Beach Boys 11th studio album, Pet
Sounds, which made me wonder way on earth I bother getting up in the mornings.
Fed up with the brain-dead, sound bite-honking dullards at the forefront of BBC Sport? Then why
not turn them into a card game?
BBC Sport. Let's face it, it's basically dead. Once an opulent Roman empire of punditry with Des
Lynam as its silver-dusted Caesar – in the past ten years it has crumbled.
