Buckle up! The three-way duel between Ibrahimovic, Jose Mourinho and Pep Guardiola has reached a new level of absurdity and to be honest, even a cotton-candy machine makes more sense than these three grown men.

Following Milan's elimination from the Champions League two nights ago, Ibrahimovic declared that he finally knew why Jose Mourinho was "always angry about playing at the Camp Nou", suggesting that the referees were biased.

The transfer rumours started off quite sensibly this week with Spurs linked to long term target Jan Vertonghen but they seem to have hit a high level of absurdity with the suggestion that Harry is about to make a bid for Theo Walcott.

The story seems to have emerged from either the Daily Express or the Daily Mail and seems to be based on a claim from a ‘close friend' of Harry's who is quoted as saying,

"Harry loves Theo.

Didier Drogba to the Chicago Fire. I'm not sure how it even started but now we are really getting into absurdity.

Chicago Fire confirm talks with Chelsea's Drogba

Thanks for the big headline Tribal Football. On yesterday's conference call, Chicago Fire head coach Frank Klopas did say all of the following: "Drogba?

This'll probably be the end of this site. Who the hell lets a Chelsea fan write on their Spurs blog, anyway? Well put the flaming torches and pitch forks away, folks. This one cometh in peace and he's here to save the world. One person at a time. Trailer Trash's Harry Thompson talks racism...

This being a Spurs site, and I, ahem, being a Chelsea supporter, I understand the absurdity of the task writing for an audience that already hates me.

We are only days from the opening of the January transfer window. The rumor mill has already been spinning out of control over the past few weeks but, of course, as the new year approaches the links with a Chelsea clearly in need of something special will reach new levels of absurdity.

So, with that being said, why not take the absurdity to new heights ourselves?

Na tactics can compensate for individual mistakes. Bayern's 3-0 win over Cologne was rich in absurdity. Ribery blew a fuse. The match ball blew out. Cologne blew a one man advantage. You could add Solbakken's one-off idea to bring back the five man backline to this list. Except, that it actually worked out pretty well to frustrate Bayern most of the time.

I think many of us were looking forward to seeing the face of Michael Essien on English Premier League pitches some time this holiday season. It looks like we're going to have to wait a bit longer, however.

Not quite ready

Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas, speaking at his pre-Wigan press conference, touched on Essien's progress or lack thereof.

"The goal stands!" exclaims Martin Tyler as the crowd at the Santiago Bernabéu rains exaltations of joy over the pitch. Cristiano Ronaldo shakes his head in frustration; the keeper retrieves the ball, and sets up for a goal kick.

The above sequence has never happened in an actual soccer match, but it happens too often in EA Sports's latest approximation of actual soccer, FIFA 12.

How Mario Balotelli beat the racists to become an all-Italian hero

MirrorFootball has teamed up with some of the blogosphere's best new writers to bring you even more great football reads every single day. Today it's our new Serie A blogger, footballitaliano.co.uk's Mina Rzouki, with her take on the week's big issues in Italy.

Via Needs More Kittens, MLS decided that its annual MLS Cup arrival photo-op should include a couple of scantily clad women at the side of the cup.

I'm a little confused as to why the women are even there. Because when they did the MLS Cup arrival photo op in Seattle two years ago, it was just myself, Chris Henderson, and some politician.

Editors Note: A two-for this week from "The Other 87" in contributions. This article by Eric Betts was just too good to not feature on the hallowed site. Agree? Disagree? Let us know!
At The Other 87 believe that there is an art, or rather, a knack, to creating a good soccer commercial.

What a game of football that was. Astonishing, really.

That being said, it's likely to be remembered more for the misses than the goals themselves. There were plenty to go around. How that match remained goalless over the final 45 or so minutes is something that will never be understood, at least in this household.

Photo: Nicolae Stoian

Hurricane Irene closed airports, flooded roads and rails, and generally made it impossible to get aroun on the east coast.

Despite this disrupting natural disaster, it will be hard for MLS's Eastern Conference teams to argue that the storm was the reason they didn't show up on Saturday night.

The more something is hyped, the more difficult it will be for that thing to live up to said hype. Even allowing for the excesses if the media over the last couple of weeks or so, though, the new Premier League season started with a faintly ridiculous raspberry noise rather than a bang. Five of the eight matches played ended in draws, all of which made the league table look even more ridiculous than it usually does at this stage of the season.

The mainstream football media are convinced that there is a ‘new Mourinho' at Chelsea. Although I'm inclined to agree, I'm not entirely sure who this ‘new Mourinho' actually is.

Of course, to even ask who this ‘new Mourinho' is implies a form, a Mourinho, from whom to begin. José Mourinho was a Chelsea manager, young, Portuguese, poached from Porto after a blistering season domestically and in Europe, who was expected to grasp a small but ambitious club by the horns and haul it that final step which it couldn't take under its previous (Italian) coach.

A tremendous game today: the polar opposite of U.S.-Brazil, and indeed of France-England, but as riveting in it's way. That was a relief, since I'm not sure I could have handled the kinds of emotional ups and downs that this past weekend delivered. Tonight, instead of the drama of confusing calls and the absurdity of penalty kicks, we had a clean, flowing game, one won through determined and brilliant play-making by the U.

Sure, news of Andre Villas-Boas' imminent and no doubt suave arrival at Stamford Bridge is monopolizing headlines. Rightfully so.

However, such is the ridiculousness of this rumor that I needed to offer some initial thoughts on it.

Catalonia? Please.

Apparently Barcelona has been sniffing around the private space of one David Luiz in recent weeks.