*** Qatari Prime Minister admits no knowledge of football. Qatari PM Hamad bin Jassim bin
Jabr al Thani ("Tim" for short) explained in a press conference that he had no knowledge about the
sport. Fortunately this is not expected to negatively impact the planning for the 2022 World Cup
because it appears unlikely that any Middle Eastern governments will remain in power by month's
end.
*** FIFA to investigate claims of match fixing for international friendlies. Last Wednesday,
the Turkish resort town of Antalya hosted two matches: the first, between Bulgaria and Estonia,
ended in a 2-2 draw, and the second saw Latvia defeat Bolivia, 2-1. All seven goals were made
from the penalty spot.
Denver, Colorado The Colorado Rapids are out to set the record straight. It seems most
long-time area residents refuse to believe that they are in fact the defending MLS champions.
It seems the confusion began this January when are residents who had previously bought
single-game tickets received direct mailings offering season ticket pages for "your defending
champion Colorado Rapids.
*** Zinedine Zidane claims, in interview with sports daily L'Equip, that he backed Qatar's
2022 World Cup bid to help grow the sport in the Middle East. Zidane denied that his involvement
was purely for the money. In fact, he claimed to have received no personal benefit at all,
stating that the millions of Euros he received were distributed entirely to charities, such as the
Zinedine Zidane Tahitian Beach House Foundation, and the Zinedine Zidane Center for the
Furtherance of his Personal Automobile Collection.
Chicago, IL Last week, the Chicago Fire announced the signing of 25-year-old Uruguayan striker
Gastón Puerari. With that announcement came a flood of searches on Wikipedia for information
about Mr. Puerari. However, there was no entry for him on the Internet encyclopedia. That would
not last long.
*** Sepp Blatter hints that 2022 World Cup will be played during the summer. During a BBC
radio interview, Blatter explained that the question of whether the 2022 World Cup would be held
during the summer was "settled" and that the matches would occur at their normal time. Supporters
who die of heat stroke can thank him later.
*** The FIFA Appeal Committee has confirmed the decisions taken by the Ethics Committee to ban
former FIFA executive committee members Reynald Temarii and Amos Adamu. Both Temarii and
Adamu had been found to have violated FIFA rules in connection with the 2018 and 2022 World Cup
bidding. Fortunately, this corruption was identified well before the bidding occurred and
therefore erased any suspicion whatsoever about the ultra-secretive process that resulted in
those World Cups being awarded to dictator-led petrogiants with reputations for cracking down
violently on media keen on investigating corruption.
Chicago, IL Andrew Hauptman, owner of the Chicago Fire, has all but declared his intentions to
move the team to Miami, Florida. Unfortunately for him, however, his lease to Toyota Park
provides only one escape clause: extremely poor attendance.
Together with general manager Frank Klopas, Mr.
Birmingham, UK Rumors have surface that up and coming American defender, Eric Lichaj will be
loaned by Aston Villa to a yet-unnamed Polish club. Anonymous team sources said that "Lichaj"
was too hard for supporters to pronounce, much less incorporate into song. Such move would
likely allow Lichaj more playing time and greater reception by the local supporter base.
Chicago, IL Chicago Fire's roster woes have been well documented on these pages. Barely able to
field a side for a 7 v. 7 exhibition, Technical Director Frank Klopas has been pulling out all of
the stops to replenish his squad. Just this week, rumors swirled that they were on the verge of
signing the winner of the World Cup golden boot.
Today, MLS Commissioner Don Garber announced that MLS had reached a deal to bring hundreds of
Nigeria's most talented youth prospects to American shores with little or no cost to the league.
"Not to toot my own horn, but I single-handedly doubled nay, tripled - the talent level of MLS
today," explained accomplished horn-tooter Don Garber, "It all started when I received an e-mail
from a group of Nigeria's leading football scouts.
*** Hundreds of ticket holders were locked out of Qatar's Khalifa Stadium for the AFC Asian Cup
final between Japan and Australia on Saturday. The Qatari organizers acknowledged that the
gates to the stadium had been shut well in advance of kick-off, causing many fans to be denied
entry and miss the entire match.
***Qatar unveils plans for "sustainable" World Cup 2022 stadiums. Today Qatar and German
design firm AS&P revealed plans for three stadiums for the 2022 World Cup that are intended to be
environmentally friendly. Paying for those stadiums will be countless barrels of oil which will
be drilled from deep within the Earth, which will then be sold, transported on a oil-burning
tanker, processed in a pollution spewing refinery, transported on diesel-burning trucks, and then
resold to end-users for them to burn in their SUVs.
Moscow, Russia Upon waking early this past tuesday morning, journalist Oleg Pogrebizhskaya
apparently thought to himself "It is awful dim in here. I really wish my body emitted a gentle
greenish-yellow glow."
Mr. Pogrebizhskaya might just get his wish. Yesterday, he published an article raising
questions over Russia's 2018 World Cup security in the wake of the recent Moscow Airport bombing
and now, officials in Russia's Information Ministry have hinted that it will only be a matter of
time before Oleg's pickled herring is seasoned with polonium 210.
*** Five-time FIFA Women's World Player of the Year Marta is reportedly joining the Western New
York Flash, the club announced Wednesday. This means that the Flash will at least register some
spectacular goals before their eventual bankruptcy.
***FIFA announces rights agreements with Al Jazeera.
