The Hand of Henry

Think of all those brand names that players pick up as endorsements. And make bags of money in the process. And the team strips emblazoned with corporate logos. But maybe it's time for a new logo to be branded across the chests of our favorite soccer stars, those ones who like to dive, or use their hand to earn a goal.

The Liverpool player N'gog is a cheat and an actor worthy of nomination for this year's Oscar for Best Simulation on A Soccer Field. His dive extraordinaire, earning his team a converted penalty in Liverpool's Monday night Premier League match up against Birmingham City, will stick in the memory of opposing fans like superglue on a toilet seat.

Sir Alex Ferguson of Manchester United refers to his players as "boys" and calls them "son," when speaking to them of matters most important. His "sons" grow up to call him "father." Both Beckham and Ronaldo have described him as such. He is the last of the great British coaching daddies.

The World Cup Final, 1966: England's Geoff Hurst strikes the ball off the underside of the bar. As fast as a bullet, it lands over the line if you are English, and on the line if you are German. The referee looks to the linesman. The linesman looks to the Queen of England sitting in the stands.

From Handshake to Pile-On -Â The Evolution of the Goal Celebration

Has anyone noticed the increasing use of lying down on the grass to have teammates jump on top of you as the chosen mode of goal celebration? In a recent game, scorer Wayne Rooney flopped to the ground, and waited for the pile-on.

It's called a sitter. The ball is right in front of the goal, it's easier to score, harder to miss, but somehow the ball refuses to go home to the net. The player's face is agape in disbelief. He has missed a sitter. And he will be remembered for it. It might be the only thing he is remembered for.

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And it's Arsenal first out the Premier League gate, followed by a lively Stoke, and the confident Fulham, and here comes the big horse Man City moving up on the rail, loaded with talent, can it break through, they're heading to the first turn, Burnley and Wolves are falling behind already, and Aston Villa look like it might be lame, let's hope they don't have to put Villa down after the race.

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If you're Scottish, you are watching your football nation die. Once, a thriving field of imaginative players lived in this football worshiping country; now a dead zone, populated by footballing zombies. Scotland's 4-0 defeat against Norway in the World Cup qualifier ranks as the worst effort by a Scottish team, probably, ever.

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The USA played Mexico in the final of the Gold Cup last weekend, a home game at Giants Stadium, with a capacity of about 79,000. 78,000 were supporting Mexico. In world soccer, the USA is the only country where home means away. It's an indictment on the shallow values of so-called American sporting patriotism.

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(above: La Galaxy fans give Beckham the news...Go Away!)

Beckham's return to Los Angeles was met by a galaxy of boos. Â Expect to see Beckham playing for anyone in the Premier League within three months. It was an important moment for American soccer.

(left: the founder of a new religion the soccer SuperGod)

Is Ronaldo SuperGod? Perhaps Jesus spoke to a few hundred during the Sermon on the Mount. Maybe he carved up a dozen fish and breads for the hungry multitude but it's nothing compared to the flock who packed into the stadium last week to worship the  first soccer SuperGod, Cristiano Ronaldo.

(left- Jesus robs the ball and takes off)

Nifty work by the television director of today's big soccer game between Brazil and the United States. The Brazilians came ready with I Love Jesus t-shirts, and some quickly pulled them on, after their nail-biting victory over strong American boots.

(left) Armada sunk by the Yanks

True Grit, wasn't that a Duke Wayne movie? Well, we know he spent World War 2 on a yacht drinking martinis, and someone had to, but his tough guy persona on the big screen was replicated by eleven Americans today in South Africa, in the soccer Confederations Cup.

Momentous times for Iran, last week they were eliminated from participating in the soccer World Cup Finals in South Africa in 2010. During their fateful last game, several of the nation's players wore rebel green armbands in solidarity with their compatriots fighting in the streets. Soccer in Iran is more popular than politics and revolution.

(left Clint Dempsey the American Spirit)

The USA showed the world how to do it on Sunday in the Confederations Cup in South Africa, thrashing an Egyptian outfit that played like mummies. Needing three goals to keep hopes alive, the boys in red, white and blue did exactly that, while Brazil finished off a weak Italian effort, allowing the States to go through to a semi-final match up against current World Cup favorites, Spain.