(Summary is not available.)

(Summary is not available.)

It is now part of Some People Are On The Pitch.

They say that records are there to be broken and few would argue that more vociferously that Nurnburg. Bavaria's other club established their own record this weekend by being the club relegated the most times from the Bundesliga as they submitted to Schalke 2-0 at home and are demoted for the seventh time in their history.

First of all, please accept my apologies for not updating lately. I have been consumed by the Onion Bag's fifth anniversary celebrations. Add to that the unexpected entry of my first love Crystal Palace into the English Championship play-off and I've been a little pre-occupied. Anyhoo, with Palace out of the picture, and my consequent writer's blockage cleared, I can return to matters Bundesliga

I think we can call it for Bayern now don't you? Ribery's virtuoso second half performance against Champions Stuttgart hasn't sealed the title for Munich but the Bavarians are mighty close. It was 1-1 at the Allianz and half time. Luca Toni, a player who's name has been ubiquitous on the score sheet this season opened the festivities.

On some issues, the word of Mrs Duffman is law. For instance when a dinner part with some some friends was planned and the date happened to coincide with the German Cup Final between BVB and Bayern, I swallowed my protests resigned to the fact that any appeal would fall on deaf ears. Mrs Duff rarely intervenes on my football watching activities, so on this occasion I relented to an evening of

It is very easy to form opinions about a foreign league based on your own experiences watching football in your domestic competition. Take Energie Cottbus for instance. Here was a team that seemed to be jealously guarding the bottom place in the Bundesliga table which the sort of determination that would have Derby County nodding with approval.

"There's no change in that pocket" said the commentator on Bundesliga Highlights on Setanta last nights. In fact there was no pocket in those shorts, Just a pair of goolies, Markus Schuler of Bielefeld's in fact. Schuler was playing against Hamburg and found himself involved in an altercation with one David Jarolim who had just got up from one his frequent trips to the ground.

The field is opening up nicely for Bayern. The mark of a true champion after such a defeat as their comic collapse to Cottbus last week, is to pick themselves up, straighten their tie and jolly well stick it to the next poor sap who comes their way. As it happens their opponents last week were as far from saps as fast food is from the rain forest (that gag may not work.

Lets not be cute this week eh? Cottbus' victory over Bayern was staggering. Branko Jelic bagged a brace and keeper Gerhard Tremmel saved a penalty from Ribery. The win lifts Cottbus out of the bottom three for the first time since 1956 and would have given title challengers Bremen the perfect opportunity to make up some ground.

Back in the early '90s, I owned a VHS copy of a Danny Baker video called "Own Goals And Gaffs". It was, at the time, a revolutionary idea of a video which, rather than showing endless clips of classic goals, marvelous dribbles and awesome saves, showed nothing but hideous, calamitous OGs and similar moments of humiliation.

Well who would have thunk that a European round up was even necessary at this stage of the season. The Bundesliga club's displays in the Champions League were nothing short of abysmal. Bremen, Schalke and in particular Stuttgart, who managed to lose to a Scottish team, took maybe three or four or zero games to settle in and by then it was mostly too late.

Your correspondent must confess to a certain degree of computer fatigue this week. To compensate, I am indulging in some early 80's Level 42 in the hope that it will drive me onto blogging success. The principal being the sooner I finish the sooner I can turn it off... I'm joking of course. Someone else in need of a little regressive therapy is Schlake coach Mirko Slomka.

Live Bundesbag Twitter updates will appear at the bottom of this page. If you are going to a match this weekend, why not send match updates. Click here to find out more.