Well, at least "The Sun" didn't go with "The Hand Of Frog" as their headline. This, however, was about the best thing that could be said for the media hysteria over Thierry Henry's handball for France against Ireland last night. First of all, though, we may as well take a quick look at the incident itself.

This week's Shit Shot Mungo sees the financial crisis at Heart of Clackmannanshire deepen still further, as the £30 fine imposed by the authorities for playing a match when their entire squad knowingly had swine flu proves to be the final nail in their coffin. The club is forced to put all of its players on part-time wages, but one man (who has been earning £190,000 per week for as long as anyone can remember) may be able to save the day.

It's a rivalry that goes back decades. Some say that it's political, whilst others point at matches from the past that have inflamed sensibilities in a world that seems to consider the art of taking offence to be the next step in the evolutionary chain. Both sides of the divide sees the other as being the absolute opposite without ever seeming to take the similarities between their two nations into account.

That Bradford City should be yet again linked with a move away from Valley Parade should come as no surprise. This time, the local council want them to move to a "sports village" at Odsal Stadium, which they will share with local rugby league club Bradford Bulls. Many Bantams supporters, however, are struggling to see what exactly the benefits of moving to Odsal would be to the football club.

Statutory demands are curious documents which have caused some degree of controversy in recent months in the world of debt recovery. They are served under the Insolvency Act of 1986 and are the first step in the process of petitioning somebody's bankruptcy or issuing a winding up order against a company.

For a couple of years, it looked as if "100 Greatest" or "50 Greatest" television programmes might just eat up the whole of the schedules in Britain. Channels gave over whole evenings to raiding their archives and there was hardly a subject that they didn't broach. The results, perhaps predictably, were often mixed but occasionally they got it just about right and this is what happened with "The 100 Greatest World Cup Moments".

The title of ‘most repugnant man in world football' isn't hotly contested. Anyone remotely aware of FIFA Vice-President Jack Warner knows that he'd have got to keep any trophy years ago, and that he'd keep it anyway, even if he was supposed to give it back. To sum up his football administration career, he's a ticket tout and swindler an arrogant, ignorant, thuggish, loutish, borderline racist, dictatorial, political failure.

In the olden days, local aldermen and dignitaries would be the people that kept football clubs going. These butchers, bakers and candlestick makers were far from perfect they were often autocratic, completely insular and frequently treated the supporters of their clubs like dirt but, for the most part, they partly ran their clubs for the honour of their local communities.

It requires some planning, quite a lot of peering of timetables and unintelligible weather forecasts, but we decided to go in the end. The bus chunters up through Kemptown and Hanover, eventually depositing us in the centre of Whitehawk, which feels like the very top of the world. The wind is gusting at sixty to seventy miles per hour and as we walk down to The Enclosed Ground the heavens open and rains falls horizontally, a lacerating experience made all the worse for the creeping suspicion that Whitehawk FC is hiding from us.

It has taken twenty-eight years, but New Zealand are back on the global stage in world football. Their 1-0 win against Bahrain this morning saw them through to the World Cup finals next summer. A record crowd for a football match in the country of over 35,000 packed out The Westpac Stadium in Wellington.

Weymouth Football Club, one of the ongoing financial basket-cases of the last three years in non-league football, might have finally reached the end of the line. Reports on the BBC this morning confirmed that, with talks with new buyers having collapsed, the club's administrators are planning to wind the club up this morning.

Phil Gartside's plan to revolutionise the Premier League (any personal gain from which to him or his club Bolton Wanderers would, of course, be entirely coincidental) has failed, for now. The issue of relegation from Premier League Two can be stored away for another day (in December 2010, to be precise), and Bolton Wanderers can get on with the small matter of avoiding the relegation that Gartside is so scared of.

After last week's swine flu debacle, Heart of Clackmanannshire Football Club find themselves in court in this week's Shit Shot Mungo, accused of deliberately and maliciously spreading the virus through playing an infected team in a recent match. A draconian punishment awaits them, unless Mungo McCrackas or Sir Roddy Bulbs can save the day.

It has been one of the quieter football revolutions of the last decade Peterborough United have, over the last couple of years, gone from being also-rans in League Two to being back in the Championship for the first time (if we gloss over the various name changes) for the first time since 1994.

The death of Hannover 96 and Germany goalkeeper Robert Enke at the age of just thirty-two would have been a savage shock to anybody interested in international football regardless of the circumstances. The fact that his death is being widely reported as suicide is numbing. Our thoughts obviously are with his family and his friends at this time, and it would not be appropriate at this time comment much further on the specifics of what has happened this evening.