TheOffsideRules.blogspot.com is over. As of today TOR will move exclusively to TheOffsideRules.com. I'll keep this address as an archive of good times-past and as a parachute in case both you and I agree that the new look is whack in the long run.
Pretty much the only thing that is changing is the layout/user experience, which is kind of a big deal but not really.

Things are going to get real weird around here in a little while & you may well hate me for it.

Portland's debut MLS season may have come to a halt but the misty-eyed memories and goosebump-inducing flashbacks live on in Portland Timbers, We Adore You. A no-narration documentary chronicling JELD-WEN Field's inaugural MLS match, the seven-minute film drips with both tasteful camerawork and nostalgia for the recent past.

How's your French? Merde? Better ask for Rosetta Stone for Christmas then because if you really want to know what's what with the Impact you're going to need to read and listen to a lot of it. But if you are like me and only speak French after a bottle & a half of Bordeaux (and poorly even then) you can check out the latest episode of the SoccerPlus podcast because it features an English-language interview with Montreal coach Jessie Marsch.

Wrong. Just wrong.

Here's the glorified-public access profile on Detroit-bred Molde striker Josh Gatt that we've all been asking for. All jokes aside, I know precious little about this kid other than what I read in random yet seemingly regular tweets when scores so I, for one, could use the education.
Also please try to make it to the end of this clip if you can because the sign off is absolutely classic.

OK boys fess up. Which one of you wannabe ballers from SD posted this on Craigslist?

Galaxy MLS Cup 2011 - $20 (home depot)
WELL, THE GALAXY MADE IT TO THE FINAL FOR THE MLS CUP.. I BOUGHT MY TICKETS LIKE 2 WEEKS AGO.. THESE ARE SECTION 231.. THEY ARE LIKE MIDDLE SECTION.

Here we are with one game left to go on the MLS calendar and it's an all-AEG affair with the Galaxy pretty much hosting the Dynamo. So we can all rest assured that Tim Leiweke will be standing on a podium with a trophy, named after Uncle Phil Anschutz himself, at the end of 90 minutes come hell or high-water and I ain't mad at that.

Typically I restrict myself to talking about wet, hot America soccer but if there is a player with no North American angle that I can make an exception for it is Zidane. Have you seen the Zizou shirts from 3NIL? So necessary. I'm going to cop one in hopes that it will make me look worldly.

Gastown FC is kind of like the Canadian version of Chinatown FC: an amateur squad of urban, arty-types with more style and merch than most professional clubs. And God bless them for it because they provide some excellent options for those who what to rep the game without going to obvious; there are some times, some places when a jersey just isn't the best look.

Sweet Cobi Jones' ghost the promos for the #LAvRSL match are sexier than a couple of MFers. Even Bruce Arena looks like a badass. Can. Not. Wait.

Should the Impact place their maiden MLS voyage in the hands of the elderly? One Montreal writer dares to brave the icy, Italian-flavored waters of the DP dilema and what it could mean for the 2012 expansion side if they dare to splash the cash on a slew of Azzurri players old enough to get birthday shout-outs from Willard Scott.

Last night Funkmaster Flex debuted the soon-to-be released Amy Winehouse - Nas collabo "Like Smoke" and it is fire. Straight, hot, Camden-to-Queensbridge fire. Makes me remember how much I'm going to miss her voice and just how ill(matic) Nas can be when he wants to be. They "bodied" this.

When I watch this clip I can't help but think that the visual makes people want to score goals against a club they hate while the music makes people want to score ecstasy at a club in Vegas. That's possibly the most Deadspinish thing I have ever written but c'mon, you know I'm right.

Apparently beheading is still "a thing" among the English. Or at least that's the impression RBNY's Luke Rodgers gave when he almost Ned Stark-ed a lady with expensive pitchside seats at the HDC tonight.
Look how close that ball is to the side of her head. She could probably hear New York's MLS Cup hopes gently whispering "buh-bye" in her ear as it sailed past.