Who Ate All the Pies

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January 16, 2018 04:41 UTC
Added:
September 12, 2006 10:06 UTC

Police Contact Mayor Of Liverpool To Assure Him ‘No Criminal Offence Took Place’ During Ross Barkley’s Chelsea Transfer

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Merseyside Police have actually taken time out of their busy schedule to contact the Mayor of Liverpool and assure him that there was nothing remotely criminal about Ross Barkley's recent transfer between Everton and Chelsea.

After seeing Barkley depart for Stamford Bridge for £15million, Mayor Joe Anderson (and Evertonian) was so perturbed by the low transfer fee that he started pointing fingers, even going as far as writing to the FA, the Premier League and the Police, requesting they look into possible fraudulent activity.

Stitched Up: Mischievous Brentford Fans Pay To Make Their 40-Year-Old Mate A Mascot At Griffin Park As Part Of His Stag Do (Photos & Video)

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A group of Brentford fans paid to allow their friend VIP access to the Bees' Championship tie against Bolton on Saturday as part of his stag do surprise.

Unfortunately for him, the mischievous ragamuffins cobbled together £130 to book their buddy a Junior Matchday Experience at Griffin Park, which would see him take to the pitch as an official player mascot, aged 40.

Arsenal Update Megamix: Walcott Exit Almost Confirmed, Mkhitaryan Indecision Stalling Sanchez Deal, New Contract Offered To Wilshere

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While nothing much has actually transpired as yet, it looks like January is about to get interesting at Arsenal. In fact, there's so much gubbins in today's papers that we've taken the liberty of compiling it all in this 'ere Update Megamix™.

First up, it looks like Theo Walcott has played his final game for the Gunners, with a £20million (rising to £25million) switch to Everton very nearly signed, sealed and delivered.

Carlos Tevez Jokes Botched Shanghai Shenhua Move Was ‘Seven-Month Holiday In China’ After Rejoining Boca Juniors

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Just as the prophecy foretold, Carlos Tevez returned from his worldwide wanderings to re-re-sign for boyhood club Boca Juniors earlier this month.

The Argentinian striker left Boca in December 2016 to sign for Chinese Super League side Shanghai Shenhua in a deal worth around €40million per season, promptly contributing little of note for half-a-season before falling out with coach Wu Jingui over his general lack of fitness and application.

Man Utd: Red Devils Close Gap On Man City To 12 Points After Comfortable 3-0 Win Over Stoke (Photos & Video)

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Paul Pogba pulled the strings as Manchester United cruised to victory against Stoke City at a wintry Old Trafford.

With new boss Paul Lambert watching on from the stands, Stoke struggled against an impressive United, with Antonio Valencia netting a cracking opener on nine minutes, with the full-back set up by Pogba.

Ryan Giggs’ Final Team Talk As Man Utd Manager Was As Hilariously Underwhelming As You Might Imagine (Video)

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By Jack Beresford

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Ryan Giggs' appointment as Wales manager has received a mixed reaction from fans – and it's not difficult to see why.

The Manchester United legend has spent much of the past two years complaining about the lack of Premier League managerial opportunities afforded to him, despite boasting little to no experience.

Which Popular Football Personalities Own Race Horses?

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Which Popular Football Personalities Own Race Horses?

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As a lover of football and horse racing, you'd certainly love to know how many football greats share your enthusiasm for the sport of kings. This piece looks at some of the most popular names that do not only love horse racing, but also breed horses!

Ligue 1: Referee Tony Chapron Suspended While Investigation Carried Out Into Extraordinary ‘Kick’ Incident During Nantes-PSG Match

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Ligue 1 referee Tony Chapron has been suspended after finding himself at the epicentre of an extraordinary incident that brought Nantes' 0-1 home defeat against PSG to a juddering halt on Sunday night.

Chapron tangled legs with Nantes defender Diego Carlos while sprinting after Kylian Mbappe, only to tumble, lash a kick at the Brazilian and then administer him with a second yellow card just to top it all off.

Official: Paul Lambert Appointed As Mark Hughes’ Dreary Successor At Stoke City

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With all the talk of Slaven Bilic, Quique Sanchez Flores, Martin O'Neill, Gary Rowett and Ronald Koeman, it'll no doubt come as a deflating blow for Stoke City fans to learn that Paul Lambert has been cherry-picked as the club's new manager.

Mark Hughes saw his four-and-a-half-year tenure at the Potters brought to an end nine days ago with the club lollygagging in the relegation zone of the Premier League and knocked out of the FA Cup at the first hurdle by fourth-tier opposition.

20 Thoroughly Excellent Photos Of The Late Cyrille Regis In His Prime

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With the sad passing of Cyrille Regis today, Pies thought it only right that we give the man the retrospective his brilliant career so duly warrants.

The dynamic striker spent the best days of his career attaining legendary status at West Brom, but also enjoyed successful stints at Coventry City (winning an FA Cup), Aston Villa, Wolves and Wycombe Wanderers thereafter.

RIP Cyrille Regis: West Brom Icon Sadly Passes Away Aged 59

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The awful news we're all waking up to today is that the great Cyrille Regis has passed away at the age of just 59.

You probably don't need us to tell you that Regis was a titan of the 1970s and 80s footballing landscape, thrashing in112 goals in 297 appearances for West Brom between '77 and '84 before moving on to do likewise at Coventry City and, later, Aston Villa.

Reports: Man Utd Legend Ryan Giggs Set To Be Named New Wales Boss

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Ryan Giggs is expected to be named the new Wales boss after the Welsh FA called a news conference for Monday afternoon in Cardiff.

The Manchester United legend was one of four people interviewed for the job, along with Craig Bellamym Osian Roberts and Mark Bowen.

Ligue 1: Incredible Scenes As Referee Tony Chapron Trips Over, Kicks Out At Nantes Player And Then Sends Him Off For Good Measure! (Video)

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Just when you think you've seen it all on a football pitch, Ligue 1 referee Tony Chapron goes and does something that shifts everything into a strange new dimension.

Charged with overseeing Nantes against PSG on Sunday night, Chapron became embroiled in a perplexing incident after being accidentally tripped by Diego Carlos.

‘What The F**k Was That!?’ – Jurgen Klopp Fails To Hold Back Expletive During Interview After Liverpool-Man City Barnstormer (Video)

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Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp added just a soupcon of excitable expletive to his post-match interview after watching his side blitz their way to a 4-3 win over Man City.

The Reds swarmed all over their guests as they romped to a 4-1 lead, only for Pep Guardiola's side to begin to claw their way back before eventually being beaten by the clock.

Citizens Arrest: Liverpool End Man City Unbeaten Run After Thrilling 4-3 Win At Anfield (Video)

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Manchester City's hopes of an 'Invincible' season came to a crashing halt at Anfield on Sunday, with the runaway league leaders beaten 4-3 by Liverpool.

The Reds, shorn of Philippe Coutinho, produced a superb attacking display and took the lead after just nine minutes, with a revitalised Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain firing home a thunderous effort.