Who Ate All the Pies

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March 27, 2017 04:21 UTC
September 12, 2006 10:06 UTC

Horror Hair: Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang Debuts New ‘Glow In The Dark’ Five-Star Dye Job (Video)

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There is a common hypothesis that professional footballers, particularly at the upperend of the spectrum, have too muchdisposable income anda surplus of free time in which to fritter it away frivolously.

To that end, Borussia Dortmund striker Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang has been showing off his newluminescent haircut on Instagram.

Shit Football Kits: Man Utd’s Purported New ‘Holy Trinity’ Third Kit Is A Magnificent Grey Eyesore (Leaked Photo)

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An image of what is purported to be Manchester United's new third kit for next season has been doing the rounds today and, should it transpire to be genuine, then we can only offer fans our sincerest commiserations.

The leaked photo shows a dreary grey kit, livened up with a Corel Draw III clip-art image of the 'Holy Trinity statue' of Sir Bobby Charlton, George Best and Denis Law that stands outside Old Trafford.

Sunday League Special: Hapless Team Try And Gloriously Fail To Overcome Unorthodox Defensive Approach (Video)

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Presenting: The Helm's Deep approach to defending corners...

Soon to be adopted in the upper echelons, here we see a hapless Sunday League side attempting to overcome their opposition'sunorthodox strategy for defending against corners.

Indeed, the defending team opted tobarricade their entire outfield into the goalmouth, thus allowing the goalkeeper to roam free around the 18-yard box and smother the strikers if possible.

Argentina Fan Gets Tattoo Tribute To Infamous Sliding Tackle That Split Javier Mascherano’s Anus In Twain (Photo)

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Javier Mascherano was forced to relive painful memories over the weekend when he came face to face with a tattoo tribute to his goal-denying sliding tackle at the 2014 World Cup.

With the score locked at 0-0 and mere seconds of normal time left to play in Argentina's drab semi-final against the Netherlands, Mascherano made up several metres on Arjen Robben to slam the door shut in dramatic fashion.

Scunthorpe Defender Murray Wallace Makes Heroic Last-Gasp Block While Sitting On His Backside (Video)

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Scunthorpe United pulled off a 3-2 victory over Bradford City on Sunday afternoon to move up into fourth in League One, but they had to rely on the magisterial talents of Scottish defender Murray Wallace to keep it that way in the dying seconds.

With the game about to tick over into the 93rd minute, Wallace produced a fantastic point-blank block to deny Bradford alate equaliser, and did so whilst sitting square on his backside.

Shane Long Used Pregnancy Breathing Techniques To Help Calm Seamus Coleman After Gruesome Double Leg Break

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Itwas quite possibly the tenderest scene Pies have ever witnessed on a football pitch the sight of Shane Long rushing to cradle teammate Seamus Coleman after the latter suffered a grim double leg break in the Republic of Ireland's recent 0-0 draw against Wales.

It's since been revealed that, in an attempt to keep Coleman as relaxedas possible in the immediate aftermath, Long actually implemented soothingbreathing techniques he'd learned while assisting his wife Kayleah with her pregnancy.

FAIL: Ex-Sevilla Striker Luis Fabiano Sent Off After Referee Feigns Headbutt During Brazilian Match (Video)

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Luis Fabiano found himself the recipient of one of the softest red cards theCampeonato Carioca has ever seen when the veteran striker was dismissed during the 54th minute of Vasco da Gama's 2-2 draw with Flamengo on Sunday evening.

Having already picked up a yellow earlier in the match, Fabiano made the mistake of getting all up in the referee's business only to find that the official had been taking pointers from his hero, one Paul Alcock.

Shit Lookalikes: Jamie Vardy (With Black Eye) & Alex From ‘Clockwork Orange’

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Top spot from Pies fan Luke W, who viddied that Jamie Vardy looks like a certain troublesome young droog with the addition of a black eye...

As revealed by the man himself after England's win over Lithuania, Vardy's shiner wasn't the result of a bit of good old fashioned ultra violence, rather being hit in the face by a stray football during a training session.

World Cup Qualifying: Chris Martin Nets Late Winner v Slovenia To Keep Scotland’s Slim World Cup Hopes Alive (Video)

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Manager Gordon Strachan described Scotland's World Cup qualifier against Slovenia on Sunday as a must-win game and his side duly obliged, albeit courtesy of alate winner.

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After their embarrassing draw withCanada on Wednesday, Scotland were in need of a good performance against Slovenia and in the first-half, they produced a fine attacking display, with Russell Martin, among others, going close against an opposition who rarely threatened the Scottish goal.

World Cup Qualifying: Jermain Defoe On Target As England Ease To Victory v Lithuania (Photos &

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Jermain Defoe justified his re-call to the England side with a goal against Lithuania on Sunday, with the Three Lions cruising to a 2-0 win against a mediocre opposition.

Defoe has been one bright spot in Sunderland's dismal Premier League campaign, with the 34-year-old scoring 14 goals for the Black Cats this season.

Keith Gillespie Elbow Hospitalises Opponent During Man Utd Legends Charity Game (Video)

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A Manchester United Legends team which included Paul Scholes, Dwight Yorke and Bryan Robson lined out against an Australian XIthis weekend, in a charity game in honour of West Ham youngster Dylan Tombies, who died after a long battler with cancer in 2014.

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However,one incident in the game was anything but charitable, with ex-Man Utd, Newcastle and Blackburn winger Keith Gillespie hospitalising an opponent with an inexplicable elbow.

Greek Tweak: Belgium Forward Dries Mertens Picks Up Weirdest Yellow Card Of The International Break (Video)

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Saturday night's World Cup qualifier between Belgium and Greece was a feisty old affair, with the away side ultimately finishing the night with nine men on the pitch.

The game also saw a blizzard of yellow cards administered throughout, though you'll have to go some way to find an infringement weirder than the one that landed Dries Mertens in the book.

Steven Gerrard Scores Impressive Volley As Liverpool Legends Edge Out Real Madrid Counterparts (Video)

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Liverpool Legends edged out their Real Madrid counterparts in a 4-3 win at Anfield, raising thousands of pounds for the Liverpool FC Foundation in the process.

As is scripted beforehand, it was Steven Gerrard who popped up with the decisive goalfor the Reds, ramming home a 78th-minute volley after setting himself up with a smart first touch.

Seamus Coleman Suffers Double Leg Break, Expected To Be Out For At Least Six Months

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It has been reportedtoday that poor Seamus Coleman suffered a double leg break in Republic of Ireland's goalless draw against Wales on Friday evening.

Colemanwas nobbled by a dreadful reckless lunge from Neil Taylor that left the Irish defender writhing in agony on the turf and his Welsh counterpart on the receiving end of a straight red card.

New San Diego Football Club Make Mistake Of Asking Fans To Decide Team Name As ‘Footy McFooty Face’ Leads Vote

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Image: Soccer City San Diego/NBC

San Diego are currently in the midst of an £800million projectto create a new MLS team and an entire football-centric 'mini-city'in which to base them.

Indeed, located in Mission Valley, the 55-acre Soccer City San Diego complex will be centred around a custom-built 30,000-seater stadium and also feature a variety of training facilities, academies, and office buildings.