Fear and loathing at Coronation Park: what is going on at Eastwood?

Something may or may not be going on at Eastwood Town Football Club but it's increasingly difficult to make any sense of the situation.

To quote Donald Rumsfeld:

"There are known knowns; there are things we know we know.
"We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know.