Bring me the head of Joey Barton

Last night, as I walked through the not so mean streets of Dublin with the Mugsmasher, football did not enter the conversation once.

Well, real football did. The kind we play, but not this artificial playground stuff that we get on our tellies. At no point did we discuss his team's fantastic new blue tinted away kit which will no doubt draw Vancouverian riots or Arsenal's problems, most obvious of which is our lack of players who can put out a cigar in somebody's eye.

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