Champions League Results, Pt II: Naked But Numb

Your PFA Player of The Year? Image: Getty Images/Zimbio

Having studied the habits of Kickette staff over the last four years, our data has demonstrated that emotional stress causes increased ingestion of cookie dough and white wine. As we approach the business end of the season, a review of our orders to the bakery suggests that we're in for a record year, and we predict that unfulfilled threats to join a gym will spike in late May.

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