On How Our Squad is as Deep as a Kiddie Pool

Bad news. Our list of the fallen is now about as long as Peter Crouch's leg. The BBC so kindly tells us that we're missing Rio Ferdinand, Steven Gerrard, Ashley Cole, David James, Theo Walcott, Emile Heskey, David Beckham, Aaron Lennon, Carlton Cole, John Terry, Frank Lampard, and Glen Johnson.