Soccer Plauged At Giants Stadium

After a dismal 2009 Red Bull season, and a beating and a half at the hands of Mexico, members of the Center for Disease Control (CDC) were contacted to analyze the pitch at Giants Stadium. The findings were astounding.

Dr. Neverwin took samples of the plastic grass on the rubber pitch and found a new viral strain, which only attacks and deteriorates the area of the brain that controls "soccer IQ" cells.