Imagine spending £80 million on a new player only to find out he can’t even do keepy-uppies and likes kissing little boys

Cristiano Ronaldo shows off his ball skills at presentation ceremony Cristiano Ronaldo was unveiled at the Santiago Bernabeu last night and showed that, just like English, he can only speak Spanish if he says all the letters the Portoogisch way, that he can't do keepy-uppies and that he enjoys passionate moments with young boys.