Inthestands.co.uk Archives for January 2009

Best Football Advert Ever… The Toon Honey Monster

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I'm rolling back the years here to an advert from 1996. It is Kevin Keegan giving the Sugar Puff's Honey Monster a run out at Wembley for the Toon Army and the big man grabbing a powerful header on the backstick. Classic...

Produced at a time when Newcastle were at the height of their popularity across the country, as they played some of the best football around and Keegan's men were pushing for the title.

This diving business is becoming a joke…

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I was browsing over at 3nil when I found this joke of a dive, it is taken from Shakhtar Donetsk vs Dynamo Kyiv in the Ukrainian league. The Kyiv player Vukojević (in white) gets sent off for this prod in Kucher's back, but it is the Shakhter players response that is an absolute joke.

It appears that reputation has come before Ognjen Vukojević of Dynamo Kyiv, as he is known as the Croatian equivalent of Gattuso.

Two Barnsley fans have the experience of a lifetime…

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Scoring against Manchester United is something many players dream of, but two Barnsley fans invaded the pitch in the Carling Cup match last night against the Red Devil's and got to experience that feeling...

2-0 down and only 3 added on minutes left of the match two of Barnsley's finest pinch the ball off Ben Foster and the fat bald one has a great first touch before volleying home, to the Barnsley fan's initial delight.

Bundersliga Review

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It's starting to get interesting in the Bundesliga. With the weekend being eclipsed by a thrilling 3-3 draw. Schalke needed a last gasp goal from Kevin Kuranyi to make the game even stevens after Hamburg had led, 2-0, 2-1 then 3-2. Markus Berg and Kevin Kuranyi scored two goals each with Lucas Schmitz and Piotr Trochowski both on target in a 3-3 draw which had everything, including a red card for Hamburg's David Rozehnal.

Top 10 of the week – Top 10 A-Lister fans!

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Having just discovered that Barack Obama is no longer a fan of West Ham from the Mail (don't worry I read it to take the piss) and is now a fan of Al Wasl's (maybe to align himself with dealers of Oil, yes ITS is getting political), I thought I would do an A-Listers top 10 this week. Enjoy!

Serie A Review

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With the biggest game probably being at the Artemio Franchi between Fiorentina and Napoli, Serie A did not present too much interest this weekend. However Sampdoria were hoping that Inter would drop points to jump above them to the top the table. Juventus needed a change in fortunes after not winning in four while AC Milan wanted to continue their two game winning streak against Chievo.

Is this the worst miss of the season?

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In what ended up being a 2-2 draw between Manchester City and Fulham, Bobby Zamora probably had the worst miss of the season thus far...

Looks like he is living up to his chant;

"When the ball hits your head
And you're sat in Row Z
That's Zamora!"

It happens to the best of us Bobby, I have missed from 5 yards out many a time.

Pottinger tackles… West Ham Billboards

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Okay, okay, they got away lightly on Sunday with Arsenal once again showing less bottle than an English penalty taker, but something at Upton Park concerned me.

Now I may be wrong (And correct me if I am) but I'm pretty sure, as Arsenal were 2-0 up, that odds on the match were scrolling along the billboards on the pitch.

Best Football Advert Ever… Cesc Fabregas – Total Control

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Yet another advert hot off the Nike production line and this one has Cesc Fabregas advertising the new CTR360 Maestri boots.

It's genius in my opinion as it shows Cesc being the midfield maestro that he is, but in a Bond Villain-esque way. The boots are apparently not bad either as my captain (and centre half) has said that he's tempted to get rid of all his shoes and just wear these boots, as they are the most comfortable shoes he's had.

For he’s a jolly good fellow

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Arsene Wenger is 60 today. The man is regarded by most as a legend and even his rivals have a begrudging respect for him. Arsenal's most successful manager has turned a team once known for George Graham's ‘One Nil to the Arsenal' style play into a team that plays the most attractive football in the division.

Managers and there Hand Gestures

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Ever wondered what the hell managers are on about on the touchline? well this very well made sketch gives all the answers.

Bought to you by What's funny about 1431 and actors Matthew Steer and Jamie Glassmore.

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Related posts:

  1. Did I Just See That.

Serie A Review

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As reported in my last Serie A review, there were two big games this weekend with Milan taking on Roma at the San Siro and Juventus taking on Fiorentina at the Olimpico. Milan needed victory if Leonardo was to remain as manager for at least another week, while Juventus needed a win to restart their title bid after failing to win in their previous three games.

Championship Weekend Review

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West Brom moved top this weekend, capatalising on Newcastle's away loss to Forest. Cardiff closed in on Middlesbrough, before climbing up to third with a win on Tuesday. Could this be the bluebirds season? At the other end of the table Ipswich drew again, quickly levelling having gone behind to an early Beattie goal.

Pottinger tackles… Boro sack Southgate

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Well it looks like the Middlesbrough Boo Boys have finally had their way, Gareth Southgate has been sacked as manager of Middlesbrough.

This is absolutely ridiculous. As a Middlesbrough resident (But not a fan) I know how completely fucking fair weather the fans there are.

Cristiano Ronaldo to retire within four months!

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You heard it here first! Unless you have been on the dailymail site prior to this which would make us second. But a worthy second I reckon.

And I hear you saying HOW? How could Ronaldo, the current World player of the year, be retiring in four months time. Well apparently a witch has placed a hex on the former Man Utd man after a former girlfriend hired him (lol, a man witch, gay).

England players mock Gary Neville’s unfortunate face

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The boys over at talkSPORT have come up with an absolute gem of a video, the editing and syncing is spot on and this interview is a must see.

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Related posts:

  1. Phil Neville showing his age...
  2. As Seen By A Woman... Players Behaving Like Drama Queens
  3. A picture says a thousands words.

Bendtner tripping himself up

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This happened during the recent international break, in training Nicklas Bendtner chips the keeper with an epic finish and then on his next attempt floors himself, the reaction of the other player had me in stitches

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Related posts:

  1. Nicklas Bendtner.

Liverpool lose with help from a beach ball…

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My day could not be made any better, following Chelsea's loss to Villa and Manchester United eventually getting past Bolton, Liverpool suffer their fourth defeat from nine matches will send me to sleep happy. The manner of how Liverpool conceded the goal just makes it that bit sweeter...


But bétisier Sunderland Liverpool
Uploaded by alloelo.

Millions of Scouser’s to track this man down…

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Following Darren Bent's goal against Liverpool set up by this beach ball there is one Liverpool fan who will want the whole episode to go away. The BBC did the decent thing and blurred out the lads face on Match Of The Day... enter The Sun.

Unlucky for this young Liverpool fan The Sun have released a picture of his face asking for his name and no doubt he will be named, shamed and later forced to leave Merseyside and support a new team.

Best Football Advert Ever… Sky Sports – 2009 season

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This year Sky released a double header of football adverts for us to ponder our subscription over. One had the "special one" Jose Mourinho and the second was an attempt at remaking the glorious Sean Bean advert of 97...

The first one is Sky's attempt to resurrect the "we know how you feel about it, cos we feel the same" campaign.

Best Football Advert Ever… Sky Sports Advert 1997

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This advert is probably the best and the most famous football advert for those of you who have been Sky Sports fans since it was created. Sheffield United fan Sean Bean fronts this fantastic advert...

Life

It can be difficult

You know that

We all need someone to rely on

Someone who's going to be there

Someone who's going to make you feel like you belong

Someone constant

It's ectasy, anguish, joy and despair
Part of our history
Part of our country
And it will be part of our future
It's theatre, art, war and love
It should be predictable .

Links that we like.

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Darren Bent discusses Goal on Twitter Caught Offside

5 Arsenal players turn gay Never Captain Nicky Butt

Suspected Beach ball fake on ebay Ebay UK

Michael Owen on Injuries and the World Cup Daily Mail

Robinho Rips his Jeans #5 Magazine Youtube

Soccer Saturdays reaction to the beach ball goal Youtube

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Related posts:

  1. Gillette Soccer Saturday Drinking Game!

Boring boring Chelsea beaten again…

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In the early kick off today Chelsea were beaten 2-1 by Aston Villa despite taking the lead through Didier Drogba. The signings of Dunne and Collins again proving themselves to be well worth their money, as the pair notched a goal each at corners.

So far this season Chelsea have gone back to the boring efficient play last seen under Mr Mourinho and as a Man Yoo fan I'm delighted that the Blues are beatable.

Revealed… The wasp and Fabio Cannavaro

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It is probably the most famous wasp in the world, the wasp that almost cost Fabio Cannavaro his career. The Italian defender was stung last week and later treated by Juve medics however following this Cannavaro failed a drugs test.

Over the last few days Cannavaro has been cleared of any wrong doing and he has revealed more information about that sting and where it was.

Introducing the managerial sack…

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Here at In The Stands we are full of jokes that are truly hilarious and this feature is no different...

Whenever a manager should really be sacked from their job because they are just not cutting the mustard, we will point them out beautifully by pasting them into our sack.

Top 10 of the week – Championship players.

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Now that the championship season is well underway I thought it would be fitting to give you a list of the ten top players who have set alight the championship this season. The quality of the championship is phenomenal these days and has become a training ground for top up and comers, as well as one of the most entertaining leagues in the world.

The Price of Success

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I remember reading in the FourFourTwo season preview that around half of fans wish for the season was that their club would be taken over by a foreign billionaire.

There are plenty of examples where clubs have improved greatly under new investment, whether from abroad or overseas.

El Hadji Twat

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Blackburn Rovers' striker El Hadji Diouf unveiled his latest motor yesterday, a shiny gold Cadillac Escalade, but it does seem to missing an "im shit" sticker on the side.

The 28-year-old is already the proud owner of an impressive haul of motor cars, including a white Cadillac Escalade, a show-stopping chrome Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren a pinch at £420,000 and a white BMW X6, to name but a few.

FourFourTwo Top 100 List

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So FourFourTwo have released their list for the top 100 players in the world today. We all know who the top two will be but in which order? And how many spanish players will make the top 20 following their Euro 2008 triumph and 100% World Cup qualification record?

I cant be bothered to put the full list on here because personally I couldn't give a toss if Darijno Srna is the 66th best player in the world.

Teddy’s found himself a new job…

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Teddy Sheringham shows that footballers can do more than just play the game as he pocketed a cool £40,481 from the World Series of Poker Europe tournament in London last weekend.

It's not been long since Sheringham retired from the game but he's shown here that he's already found another job that pays well.

Michael Jackson’s 02 Arena shows scaled down

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On the football league show this weekend this man popped up completely unmentioned. Saturday was Crystal Palace's family day for the match against Blackpool. I think family days are a great way to bring the children in and get young lads and lasses hooked on live football. I'm sure they all had a great time with the sun shining and Palace winning 4-1.

Links we like…

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Well done to Sutton for winning his first game in charge at Lincon.

Lampard not worried about his lack of goals (Never Captain Nicky Butt)

A lovely addition to the WAG index (Who Ate All The Pies)

Braveheart Paul Hart (Guardian Via 3 nil)

Who is England's number one?

Bundesliga Review

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Bayern seem to have crashed and burned in the last two week, picking up only one point out of 6.

After loosing to Hamburg last week Bayern could only muster a 0-0 draw against league strugglers Colonge. As a result they dropped to 8th in the table and are now 8 points behind join league leaders Bayer Leverkusen and Hamburg, who both added to their points tally this weekend (they now both have 20 points from 8 games)

Bayer Leverkusen thumped relegation candidates Nurberg 4-0, with goals from Toni Kroos, Simon Rolfes, Eren Derdiyo and the in form Stefan Kießling.

Championship Review

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So far the Premiership old boys are showing their class, occupying the top 3 places. After paying out £2 million compensation to Keegan Newcastle failed to score for the first time this season against Bristol City. Fans can only hope that any takeover, made more likely by the compensation pay out, causes minimum disruption.

Serie A Revii

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Here we are seven league games into the season and with Juve, Inter and Sampdoria the early pace setters,who will be top of Serie A. Can Milan improve after a very poor start to the season and Roma will be hoping for a victory over Napoli to push up the table.


Bari 0-0 Catania

Inter Milan 2-1 Udinese

Roma 2-1 Napoli

Bologna 1-3 Genoa

Siena 0-0 Livorno

Atalanta 1-1 Milan

Cagliari 1-2 Chievo

Sampdoria 1-1 Parma

Fiorentina 0-0 Lazio

Palermo 2-0 Juventus

Inter Milan gained a creditable victory against Udinese although Di Natale continued his rich vein of form by netting his ninth goal of the season.

Never Forget…That oh, so important free kick.

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Let me paint you a picture, it's the 92nd minute, England are down 2-1 to Greece and as it stands our Lions are staring down the barrel of a gun, in terms of qualifying automatically...Step up David Beckham!

Goals don't get more important than that...6th October, 2001.

Pottinger tackles… They think it’s all over

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Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

It isn't yet...

Reading some of this shit just makes my brain explode. How on Earth is Ken Bates Leeds' Chairman? He doesn't own the club? He doesn't know anyone who owns the club? It wouldn't suprise me if Leeds were actually owned by Harry Potter, or those fucking dogs playing cards in that picture.

Pottinger tackles… Footy-Boots.com

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Ladies and Gentlemen, the good people at Footy-Boots have been kind (See also: foolish) enough to give me a column there and promote our lovely INTHESTANDS blog. Get over there and check out my stuff as well as the very latest gossip from the world of football boots (Including the brand new, god awful looking Nike CTR 360s)

Click here tosee my new boot, aimed directly at diving players.