Infographic by Football Banter

There are some seminal moments that all Manchester United players experience in their time at the club. Their first appearance at the wondrous Theatre of Dreams, their first hot yoga session with the ageless Ryan Giggs and, most memorably, a disintegrated eardrum at the hands of a knight of the realm.

Norwich superstar Grant Holt has played down his England prospects in what sounded like an angry response to suggestions that he's getting a bit frisky. Believe it or not, Holt was asked if he was expecting an England call-up and not whether he was molesting himself when he said: "I'm not holding my phone tightly [.

Norwich superstar Grant Holt has played down his England prospects in what sounded like an angry response to suggestions that he's getting a bit frisky. Believe it or not, Holt was asked if he was expecting an England call-up and not whether he was molesting himself when he said: "I'm not holding my phone tightly [.

Name: Eike Immel In his 1990s prime for: Manchester City Lowdown: Although arriving in the Premier League at the impressive age of 35, German goalkeeper Immel had already enjoyed a fairly illustrious career. He was only 17 when he succeeded Horst Bertram to become Borussia Dortmund's number one, as far back as 1978.

Name: Eike Immel In his 1990s prime for: Manchester City Lowdown: Although arriving in the Premier League at the impressive age of 35, German goalkeeper Immel had already enjoyed a fairly illustrious career. He was only 17 when he succeeded Horst Bertram to become Borussia Dortmund's number one, as far back as 1978.

Premier League chairmen usually undermine their managers by entering the dressing rooms. QPR owner Tony Fernandes is opting for the pub instead. The Air Asia chief is hitting west London's finest boozers ahead of the Hoops' next home match against Everton. Fernandes will be acting as a sort of anti-Mark Hughes agony aunt for disgruntled [.

It's turning into National Jamie Carragher Day around here. This time it's the moment that Sky Sports reporter Andy Burton attempts to coax some sort of post-euphoria retirement announcement from the Liverpool legend. Pointing out that Carra had been partaking in a spot of Wembley photography, was no longer a regular starter under Kenny Dalglish [.

And is he bothered? Not in the slightest. He's going to celebrate Liverpool's Carling Cup win like a madman and worry about his shiner in the morning.

No Premier League manager has ever turned handshakes into such a pullava as Mark Hughes. In fact, if Mark Hughes and Luis Suarez are ever in the same room, a magnetic handshake field causes them to repel. The QPR boss is always turning basic post-game etiquette into minor diplomatic incident. Here's six of Sparky's best [.

1. Yet another crazy top-of-the-table clash in the Premier League. Before long we'll have commentators observing these 5-2 and 6-1 type results and saying: "Well, these things do even themselves out over the course of the season." Yesterday was Tottenham's turn. 2. (La)Sagna got Tottenham on the run once again.

1. All the pre-match talk was of the Gerrard cousins pretending to be Hristo Stoichkov in their nan's garden during the 1994 World Cup. It would seem they caught a bit of Diana Ross' performance at the opening ceremony too. 2. Dirk Kuyt's determination to win a medal should not have been underestimated.

It turns out it was quite a comedic cameo from Jamie Carragher in yesterday's Carling Cup final victory over Cardiff. As well as his rugby efforts, Carra also celebrated the penalty shootout win with this high five disaster with keeper Pepe Reina. If Kenny Dalglish ever finds himself needing to explain why the stalwart is [.

Liverpool veteran Jamie Carragher was clearly not impressed at England's disallowed try late in their Six Nations clash with Wales on Saturday. Come Sunday, and faced with Welsh opposition, Carra took things into his own hands. Literally. Picking up the ball and driving forwards, the defender obviously got the halfway line confused with the tryline [.

An interesting day to be a Bournemouth fan. Their side was beaten 1-0 at home by MK Dons, but that was very much the start of the craziness. Towards the end of the game rumours began to surface that the wife of the club's billionaire Russian owner had forced herself into the home changing room [...]

The debate that just will not disappear. We have seen many incidents that have heightened the clamours for the introduction of goal-line technology, but on Saturday there was probably the most high-profile instance since Frank Lampard's ghost goal in the 2010 World Cup. With AC Milan and Juventus sat first and second in Serie A [.

We've already seen Mario Balotelli celebrating a goal by revealing a t-shirt asking 'Why Always Me?'. Now he's changed tack and language to declare his love for girlfriend Raffaella Fico. After scoring against Blackburn in today's late kick-off, Balotelli lifted his shirt to show the message: "Raffaella Ti Amo.

Plans for Liverpool to once again don white suits for a trip to Wembley have been shelved after an intervention by star striker Luis Suarez. The Reds famously wore white Emporio Armani suits for their last trip to Wembley in 1996, and were planning to recreate the look for tomorrow's Carling Cup final clash with [.

The video above shows a personal message from Portsmouth manager Michael Appleton to fans of the club. When a club goes into administration, it is usual that all elements of the club pull together in an effort to save the sporting institution. But this community spirit has not been lost on Portsmouth's players this week, [.

Doncaster Rovers manager Dean Saunders gave a strange interview to this morning's Soccer AM in which he found some very strange ways of preaching against xenophobia in football. We think. Responding to a question from Helen Chamberlain about how his experiences playing overseas help him as a manager (we think she was expecting something about [.