Off the Post Archives for January 2012

Olympics Football Photo Special: Great Britain 3-1 UAE

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Like most people, OTP tickled our overdraft gag reflex by applying for a shedload of Olympic tickets last year. Apart from the promise of a few eastern Europeans smothering each other in their own sweat (Greco-Roman wrestling), we also snaffled a pair of tickets to the Great Britain v United Arab Emirates match.

Are QPR trying to form the greatest ever veterans team?

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Just what are QPR up to? They have clearly been backed by a great deal of money, and yet have seemingly ignored the idea that teams need young fresh players. Instead, they are working on the principle of 'experience is key'. At the end of last season they had 32 players in their first team [...]


Manchester United star Ryan Giggs and his imaginary long, successful Team GB career

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Goal Ryan Giggs for Great Britain!!! by stvolfd Poor old Ryan Giggs. There comes a time in a footballer's life when they start to become a bit old and confused. The mind starts playing tricks. That time appears to be upon 38-year-old Ryan Giggs. Speaking after he scored his first goal for Great Britain in [.

Rivaldo shows he still has it with classy hat-trick

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In the last five years Rivaldo has embarked on something of a world tour, and his last four clubs were in Brazil, Greece, Uzbekistan and Angola. He joined Angolan club Kabuscorp earlier this year, but his advancing years (the man is now 40!) have meant that he only appears on an irregular basis, taking to [.

Manchester City assistant coach David Platt scores spectacular overhead kick in training

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David Platt showed he's still got as he rolled back the years during a Manchester City open training session. The former England international, now an assistant to Roberto Mancini, showed great skill as he found the net with an incredible overhead kick. OTP would be happy enough to scoring those aged 46.

Manchester City assistant coach David Platt scores spectacular overhead kick in training

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David Platt showed he's still got as he rolled back the years during a Manchester City open training session. The former England international, now an assistant to Roberto Mancini, showed great skill as he found the net with an incredible overhead kick. OTP would be happy enough to scoring those aged 46.

Arsenal could do worse than bringing back Thierry Henry (again)

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After Arsene Wenger's close season signings of Lukas Podolski and Olivier Giroud, things were beginning to look up at the Emirates. But then came Robin Van Persie and his earth-shattering 'message' for the fans on his personal website revealing his desire to leave north London. Suddenly optimism turned to gloom, frowns remaining upside down for [.

Arsenal could do worse than bringing back Thierry Henry (again)

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After Arsene Wenger's close season signings of Lukas Podolski and Olivier Giroud, things were beginning to look up at the Emirates. But then came Robin Van Persie and his earth-shattering 'message' for the fans on his personal website revealing his desire to leave north London. Suddenly optimism turned to gloom, frowns remaining upside down for [.

Why does Liverpool’s Charlie Adam hate Tottenham’s Gareth Bale?

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Liverpool's Charlie Adam continued his mysterious personal crusade to obliterate the ankles of Tottenham's Gareth Bale during a pre-season friendly in America. The Scotsman may have just been unhappy at the Welshman's refusal to turn out for Team GB at this summer's Olympics, but given the pair's previous something sinister could be lurking underneath the [.

Video: Team GB 3-1 UAE

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Great Britain eventually eased to victory against the United Arab Emirates... but not before the skillful Middle East side had given them a few scores. Team GB took the lead when targetman Ryan 'Big Ry' Giggs nodded in a trademark header at the back post. Rashid Essa equalised after an hour, before GB coach Stuart [.

Manchester United players celebrate as coach driver avoids arrest

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Manchester United's players dedicated a chant to their coach driver after he smooth-talked his way out of trouble with Chinese police. United's coach was stopped on a busy road in Shanghai by police after reportedly using the wrong lane. Officers hauled the driver away for questioning. The coach was surrounded by fans while the driver [.

Ibrahimovic scores golazo three minutes into PSG career

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There isn't all that much to say about Zlatan that hasn't already been said, so we will stick to this: He's a bloody good striker isn't he?! And three minutes into his PSG debut, in a friendly against DC United, the Swede played a one-two with Jeremy Menez that put him through on goal. Ibra [...]


‘Do are ya? Chelsea’s David Luiz meets Carlos Valderrama

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Daydreaming about seemingly impossible pairings in football is one of the many pleasures of being a football fan. (We pray every morning for a Zlatan Ibrahimovich and Mario Balotelli striking partnership to one day occur) Happily, fantasies sometimes become a reality. The two most famous permanent perms in the game collided yesterday when Chelsea's David Luiz met [.

He’s back again! Owen Hargreaves starts training with Queens Park Rangers

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He has seen more stretchers in the last few years than St John Ambulance, but Owen Hargreaves has resolutely refused to do what every creaky knee ligament in his body is telling him and hang up his boots. In his latest attempt to defibrillate life back into his football career, the former England international has [.

Beatles icon Paul McCartney calls Stuart Pearce an “idiot” for refusing to select David Beckham for Great Britain football team

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Last night ex-Beatle Paul McCartney headlined the London Olympics opening ceremony with a rousing and occasionally shaky rendition of Hey Jude. Another equally classic song in his considerable repertoire is Live and Let Die an appropriate title when you consider his resentful outburst at Stuart Pearce at the end of last week.

David Beckham arrives at the London Olympics opening ceremony…on a speedboat

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Blending the look of Milk Tray Man and James Bond, a tuxedo wearing David Beckham transported the Olympic torch to last night's opening ceremony in London via a flashy speedboat a super-slick looking journey that included whizzing under Tower Bridge with spectacular fireworks leading his way. Everybody predicted that Ex-England captain David Beckham would [.

Fulham find novel way to avoid losing Moussa Dembele

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There are rumours that Manchester United have begun sniffing around Fulham's Belgian star Moussa Dembele, and will commence a process to sign the midfielder for around £15million. Clearly Fulham will be loathed to lose Dembele as he has given the West London club some impressive performances over the last two seasons, and OTP can exclusively [.

GIF It: Arsenal defender Thomas Vermaelen the envy of Andy Gray after Sian Massey tumble

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Assistant referee Sian Massey has already seen off the Sky Sports careers of Andy Gray and Richard Keys. Now she's getting Arsenal defender Thomas Vermaelen into trouble. Her feminine wiles resulted in the Belgian embracing Massey in a somewhat compromising position during yesterday's friendly between the Gunners and Manchester City.

Video: Zlatan Ibrahimovic takes out three PSG team-mates in one training session

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Hurricane Zlatan announced its arrival at PSG in one brutal training session. Swede Ibrahimovic managed to injure three of his new team-mates in a practice match ahead of his debut against DC United. With coach Carlo Ancelotti presumably wanting his new signing to gel with their team-mates rather than hospitalise them, Ibra's bull-in-a-china-shop approach might [.

Idrissa Gueye ‘does a Nicklas Bendtner’ with his Pull-In pants (Great Britain 1-1 Senegal)

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Senegal's Idrissa Gueye managed the first in-competition ambush marketing of the London 2012 Olympics by showing off his pants while being substituted during last night's 1-1 draw with Team GB. The offence appeared to be far more inadvertent than Nicklas Bendtner's efforts at Euro 2012. Nonetheless, the guys at Pull-In underwear won't be complaining too [.

Idrissa Gueye ‘does a Nicklas Bendtner’ with his Pull-In pants (Great Britain 1-1 Senegal)

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Senegal's Idrissa Gueye managed the first in-competition ambush marketing of the London 2012 Olympics by showing off his pants while being substituted during last night's 1-1 draw with Team GB. The offence appeared to be far more inadvertent than Nicklas Bendtner's efforts at Euro 2012. Nonetheless, the guys at Pull-In underwear won't be complaining too [.

Ability to swear on FIFA 13 does little for Respect campaign

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With players using Xbox Kinect able to interact with characters within their device, creators of FIFA 13 have decided to add a feature within the game whereby you can call the referee a w****r. That all seems wuite funny and twee until you remember that we have had a fairly high-profile court case recently in [.

Ability to swear on FIFA 13 does little for Respect campaign

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With players using Xbox Kinect able to interact with characters within their device, creators of FIFA 13 have decided to add a feature within the game whereby you can call the referee a w****r. That all seems wuite funny and twee until you remember that we have had a fairly high-profile court case recently in [.

Video: Great Britain 1-1 Senegal (London 2012 Olympics highlights)

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Team GB were held to a 1-1 draw by a tough-tackling Senegal side in their London 2012 opener. Great Britain took the lead in the first-half when the ball dropped kindly for Craig Bellamy after a free-kick had been whipped into the box. The game was flat for large chunks of the second-half, before a [.

Jackie Chan becomes a Manchester City fan

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Manchester City's plan for world domination is definitely on track: they've now recruited movie star Jackie Chan as a fan. The Chinese legend pledged his solemn allegiance to 'Manchester' after joining City's squad for a corporate event. Chan said: "When I was young, I was a fan of a football team. Sometimes I support Hong [.

Video: Admir Mehmedi’s worst miss ever (Switzerland 1-1 Gabon)

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The opening day of the men's football at London 2012 included a big upset, some terrible tackles and the worst miss ever. Switzerland's Admir Mehmedi was the man responsible for the latter. Presented with an open goal at the back post, four yards out, Mehmedi some how managed to scruff the ball with the inside [.

The not-so-beautiful game? Public proclaim Ireland to have the worst European football shirt ever!

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After three weeks of voting, the 1995-6 Republic of Ireland goalkeeping jersey has been selected by the public as the worst European national football shirt of all time. Registering 23.8% of the vote in the survey held by scotts Menswear, the purple, yellow, orange and green monstrosity comfortably topped the poll of over 500 voters.

Kitman: New Chelsea third kit revealed

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Chelsea have unveiled their new third kit. The reigning European champions will be hoping the sun shines on them again this season... with this sun-themed third kit. The kit is described as being black and flaming sun yellow and, according to manufacturers Adidas, features a "striking sun graphic". The Premier League has a fine tradition [.

Olympic men’s football tournament: Five players to watch

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OTP chose five women yesterday in the tournament to keep your eye on, and they scored a total of five goals between them in the first round of games, so that went quite well. Today it's the turn of the men, and we've self-imposed a one player from each country rule. Otherwise, it'd be full [...]


First photo of Oscar in a Chelsea kit

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And the Academy Award for best Photoshop goes to @FeintZebra For a less silly lowdown on Chelsea's new signing, head to this post.


First photo of Oscar in a Chelsea kit

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And the Academy Award for best Photoshop goes to @FeintZebra For a less silly lowdown on Chelsea's new signing, head to this post.


GIF It: South Africa’s Portia Modise scores from 45 yards at the Olympics

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South Africa women's first game at the 2012 Olympics didn't go particularly well, losing 4-1 to medal prospects Sweden, but it was lit up by a wonder strike from midfielder Portia Modise. After Banyana Banyana (a wonderful nickname) had let in three first half goals in addition to allowing Sweden to hit the woodwork three [.

GIF It: South Africa’s Portia Modise scores from 45 yards at the Olympics

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South Africa women's first game at the 2012 Olympics didn't go particularly well, losing 4-1 to medal prospects Sweden, but it was lit up by a wonder strike from midfielder Portia Modise. After Banyana Banyana (a wonderful nickname) had let in three first half goals in addition to allowing Sweden to hit the woodwork three [.

Who Are Ya? Oscar (Chelsea)

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Your whistle-stop guide to the latest Premier League arrivals Name: Oscar dos Santos Emboaba Junior Age: 20 Position: Midfielder Signed from: Internacional Fee: £25m Did you know? Oscar walked out on Sao Paulo to join Internacional amid claims that he had not received the wages he had been promised.

North Korea women’s team walk off the pitch after Olympics flag mix-up

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The Olympic women's football match between North Korea and Colombia was delayed for more than an hour this evening after a Korean flag faux pas. North Korea's players walked off the pitch at Hampden Park after noticing that the stadium's big screen was displaying their photos next to South Korea's flag.

Video: Robbie Keane’s inappropriate groping of Jake Livermore (LA Galaxy 1-1 Tottenham)

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LA Galaxy striker Robbie Keane chose last night's friendly against former club Spurs as the perfect opportunity to unveil his new inappropriate touching tackling technique. The Republic of Ireland international had a quick grope of midfielder Jake Livermore rather than opting for one of the more proven methods of dispossessing an opponent.

Liverpool have £13.5m bid for Swansea’s Joe Allen accepted

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Following the success of last year's experiment of paying hugely inflated transfer fees for British players, Liverpool have made a successful £13.5million offer for Swansea midfielder Joe Allen. The 22-year-old, currently on Olympics duty with Team GB, is set to link up with former Swans boss Brendan Rodgers at Anfield.

Olympic women’s football tournament: Five players to watch

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Although the Opening Ceremony is not until Friday, the Olympics gets underway today with the women's football group stages. Here are five women to keep an eye on (not like that, perv): Marta A decent career containing five World Player of the Year awards in succession for the Brazilian considered to be one of the [.

Gareth Bale completes miracle recovery

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On the 29th June it was announced that, due to injury, Gareth Bale would not be fit to play in the Olympics, a huge blow to Team GB's chance of success. The Welsh winger had aggravated an old injury in his back and hip whilst on a training run to stay fit for the games. [...]


Who Are Ya? Thorgan Hazard (Chelsea)

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Your whistle-stop guide to the latest Premier League arrivals Name: Thorgan Hazard Age: 19 Position: Midfielder Signed from: RC Lens Fee: Undisclosed. Did you know? Thorgan's older brother Eden joined Chelsea earlier this summer, but it's hardly surprising given their pedigree. Both their mum and dad were footballers.

Video: Peek-a-boo! David Beckham ambushes unsuspecting Team GB fans

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Far from chaining up Stuart Pearce to a radiator in a disused warehouse for the next fortnight, Adidas have come up with another method of getting David Beckham back in the Olympics frame a superb viral which sees the former England captain jump out on Team GB fans posing for pictures in the Adidas [.

Former Stoke jailbird Jermaine Pennant stranded US visa for pre-season tour

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Stoke City winger Jermaine Pennant has been forced to miss the start of their pre-season tour of the USA after a delay in his visa application. The convicted drink driver was not allowed to join the rest of the Potters' squad for a match against Columbus Crew in Ohio. Pennant's criminal record meant his visa [.

Video: Gareth Bale – not fit for the Olympics – scores for Tottenham against LA Galaxy

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Tottenham star Gareth Bale opened the scored for his side against MLS side LA Galaxy last night despite withdrawing from the Team GB squad with an injury. The Wales international pulled out of Stuart Pearce's Olympic squad with an injury problem... but has now played a friendly for his club side before the Olympic [.

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger currently being outwitted by a Malaysian man who stole his hair

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At the time of writing, Arsenal are trailing 1-0 to a Malaysian XI side. That side is being coached by K. Rajagopal, a man who appears to base his hairstyle on the Arsene Wenger look. Here's the goal from Azmi Muslim that is doing for the Gunners at present.


Joey Barton’s new website attempts to explain away past actions

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If you didn't know that Joey Barton had a new website then apologies for raising your curiosity, but you will be able to guess what it is about: Joey Barton. At http://www.joeybarton.com/ you can read Joey's views on politics, culture, life at QPR and footballing matters in general. Latest blogs include his thoughts on the [.

David Beckham deserved Team GB Olympic spot, says Alexi Lalas

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Team GB might have damaged their Olympic medal hopes by omitting David Beckham, reckons the man who helped to take him to the USA. Former LA Galaxy general manager Alexi Lalas told OTP that Becks could have played a vital role for Stuart Pearce's side and thinks it was a mistake to leave him out [...

OTP’s request granted: Manchester City star Mario Balotelli made into a Subbuteo figure

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Well they say if you don't ask, you don't get. At the weekend we marvelled at the creation of a Rene Higuita scorpion-kicking Subbuteo figure, and allowed ourselves to dream of other fantasy football figurines. Top of the list was a pec-pulsating Mario Balotelli a homage to his memorable goal celebration after melting a [.

OTP’s request granted: Manchester City star Mario Balotelli made into a Subbuteo figure

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Well they say if you don't ask, you don't get. At the weekend we marvelled at the creation of a Rene Higuita scorpion-kicking Subbuteo figure, and allowed ourselves to dream of other fantasy football figurines. Top of the list was a pec-pulsating Mario Balotelli a homage to his memorable goal celebration after melting a [.

Real Madrid’s Galacticos and the most expensive wall of all time

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Sometimes Twitter heralds breaking football news, sometimes the social media platform plugs incorrect rumours and sometimes it throws up some down right pictorial corkers. This image from @SillyFootball shows the most expensive wall of all time, during Real Madrid's era of Galacticos. The five players in question are Raul, Luis Figo, David Beckham, Ronaldo and [.

Real Madrid’s Galacticos and the most expensive wall of all time

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Sometimes Twitter heralds breaking football news, sometimes the social media platform plugs incorrect rumours and sometimes it throws up some down right pictorial corkers. This image from @SillyFootball shows the most expensive wall of all time, during Real Madrid's era of Galacticos. The five players in question are Raul, Luis Figo, David Beckham, Ronaldo and [.

Adelaide United offer trial to the new Ali Dia: Dexter Rosales

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A-League side Adelaide United have fallen victim to a prankster as they desperately attempted to bolster their squad. Their recruitment process seemingly followed the dubious process of scouring the internet for potential leads... and then proudly inviting them for trials at the club. Adelaide's extensive Googling threw up two names.

Adelaide United offer trial to the new Ali Dia: Dexter Rosales

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A-League side Adelaide United have fallen victim to a prankster as they desperately attempted to bolster their squad. Their recruitment process seemingly followed the dubious process of scouring the internet for potential leads... and then proudly inviting them for trials at the club. Adelaide's extensive Googling threw up two names.

Don’t mention the Modric: Tottenham gag Gareth Bale over AWOL Luka

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Spurs appear to have banned their players from talking about Luka Modric's absence from their US tour if this footage from Sky Sports News is anything to go by. As soon as the subject is brought up by the reporter, a member of the White Hart Lane media team swoops in to whisk Gareth Bale [...]


Don’t mention the Modric: Tottenham gag Gareth Bale over AWOL Luka

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Spurs appear to have banned their players from talking about Luka Modric's absence from their US tour if this footage from Sky Sports News is anything to go by. As soon as the subject is brought up by the reporter, a member of the White Hart Lane media team swoops in to whisk Gareth Bale [...]


Take Cristiano Ronaldo from the streets of Madeira to international stardom in new Real Madrid app

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Real Madrid have launched a free iPhone and iPad app which challenges you to take three of the club's stars from childhood kickabouts to the Santiago Bernabeu. The game features Cristiano Ronaldo, Mesut Ozil and Zinedine Zidane. You control one of the characters from their formative years in their hometown and complete a series of [.

Arsenal’s decision not to pursue Yann M’Vila… and five other Arsene Wenger transfer fiascos

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Newspaper reports suggest Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has cooled his interest in French midfielder Yann M'Vila because he feels his squad is already adequately prepared in that department. Despite rumours claiming Jack Wilshere may not play again until October, Wenger believes that signing M'Vila would have an adverse effect on the potential of the injury-prone [.

QPR’s Joey Barton set to join League Two team Fleetwood Town

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The prolifically infuriating bad boy will be training with Fleetwood Town for at least a week, whilst his regular teammates are rewarded for not concussing the opposition by being served up a relaxing and lucrative tour of Asia. After elbowing, head-butting and snarling his way to a 12-game ban at the end of last season, [.

Video: Valerenga striker Marcus Pedersen in trouble over oral sex goal celebration

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Valerenga's Marcus Pedersen was probably aware that his controversial goal celebration idea would possibly land him in hot water with the authorities. But he decided to just suck it and see. Sure enough his lewd gesture towards Stabaek fans during his side's 3-1 win on Sunday has caused a big stir and is likely to [.

Who Are Ya? Raphael Spiegel (West Ham)

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Your whistle-stop guide to the latest Premier League arrivals Name: Raphael Spiegel Age: 19 Position: Goalkeeper Signed from: Grasshoppers Fee: Undisclosed Did you know? Perfectly suited to the vanity of the Premier League, his surname translates as 'mirror'. What's the deal? The Swiss under 20 international has signed a three-year deal, with an option for [.

Alexi Lalas’ idiot’s guide to MLS All-Stars v Chelsea

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Chelsea take on an MLS All-Stars side in Philadelphia on Wednesday. As is customary in American sports, a rag-tag bunch of representatives from the league will come together for one night only. And on this occasion they'll be facing the reigning European champions. OTP doesn't profess to be expert on all matters MLS we [.

Manchester City’s Carlos Tevez caddies for Andres Romero at The Open… calamitous duo come rock-bottom last

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When he is not going AWOL or petulantly anchoring his buttocks to the bench, Manchester City forward Carlos Tevez is known for carrying a club or two in his career. Yesterday, he took that dusty accolade to its literal end: carrying a set of golf clubs for his professional golfer pal Andres Romero.

Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli records the biggest ever bill Gary Lineker’s brother’s Ibiza club

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Mario Balotelli has made a record-breaking start to the new season by totting up the biggest bar bill ever seen at an Ibiza bar. The Manchester City striker hit the Ocean Beach Club, owned by Gary Lineker's brother Wayne, for a holiday night out. The venue has hosted the likes of Joe Hart, Andy [..

Michael Owen makes the mistake of carrying out Twitter Q & A

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Twitter is a wonderful social medium that allows fans to fell closer to their heroes by asking them for retweets or opinuions on certain topics. But it doesn't always end well. Michael Owen carried on the current trend for celebrities offering question and answer sessions (Gary Neville does one called #askgary on a daily basis) [.

Chelsea’s Ashley Cole arrives on Twitter, slaps down Arsenal fans with immediate effect

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Chelsea left-back Ashley Cole followed in the footsteps of Rio Ferdinand, Wayne Rooney and co yesterday by joining the Twitter ranks and it is fair to say he received a fairly frosty reception from Arsenal fans, who still feel somewhat tetchy about the defender's acrimonious departure from the north London club.

Manchester City’s last day antics caused Manchester United legend Eric Cantona to kung fu kick a coffee table

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Eric Cantona unleashed his infamous kung fu kick when Sergio Aguero's last-minute goal handed the Premier League title to Manchester City. According to the Manchester United hero's son, having the title cruelly snatched away was too much for Cantona to take. And a coffee table bore the brunt of his frustration.

Mexican Fabian shows off his skills with his own chewing gum

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When Mexico took on Japan in an Olympic warm up at Nottingham Forest's City Ground, it was presumed that the game would be a damp squib. However, Mexican Marco Fabian showed off an impressive skill pre-kick off by spitting his chewing gum out of his mouth, doing a kick up and then volleying his gum [.

Bebe responds to Off The Post’s criticism with goal

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Football players get a lot of criticism, so it is pleasing when one responds to any negativity. Manchester United's Bebe is the latest player to do so. Just ten days ago, we named Bebe as the worst Manchester United signing in Premier League history, and in the piece said that his move was the worst [.

Scorpion-kicking Rene Higuita immortalised in Subbuteo model form

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There are many truly iconic moments in International football the Marco Van Basten volley, Andrea Pirlo's recent Euro 2012 panenka penalty, and Paul Konchesky earning an England cap come immediately to mind. However, few have put a bigger smile of football fan's faces than the unforgettable acrobatics of Colombian goalkeeper Renee Higuita.

Reading turn down chance to buy AC Milan legend and offside king Filippo Inzaghi

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Italian poacher extraordinaire Fillipo Inzaghi has several fine accomplishments to his name, including the record for most hat-tricks scored in Serie A, and is the second most prolific scorer in European club competitions. But that fine pedigree was not quite enough to turn the shiny head of Reading manager Brian McDermott, who passed up the [.

Mark Bright offers South American pronunciation tips

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We are costantly spoonfed the concept that Team GB are taking the Olympic football tournament seriously, but can we really believe that the BBC are doing the same by using Mark Bright as a co-commentator? Usually saved for minnow FA Cup games and Football Focus appearances, the BBC rolled out their B team for the [.

Marco Verratti: Italy’s next big thing gets overshadowed by Zlatan at PSG

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Perhaps the biggest disappointment to come out after Italy's excellent showing at Euro 2012 was the news that talented young playmaker, Marco Verratti, has left recently promoted Pescara for the nouveau-wealth of Paris Saint German. Verratti has already been lazily billed as the next Andrea Pirlo, after the Juventus midfielder reminded the English media he [.

Marco Verratti: Italy’s next big thing gets overshadowed by Zlatan at PSG

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Perhaps the biggest disappointment to come out after Italy's excellent showing at Euro 2012 was the news that talented young playmaker, Marco Verratti, has left recently promoted Pescara for the nouveau-wealth of Paris Saint German. Verratti has already been lazily billed as the next Andrea Pirlo, after the Juventus midfielder reminded the English media he [.

Neymar gets bored waiting for Swansea defender Neil Taylor’s shirt (Brazil 2-0 Great Britain)

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Having already ran rings round them during the match, Brazil star Neymar soon discovered that Team GB weren't even capable of getting undressed as well as him. The young talent's shirt was quickly snapped up by Swansea left-back Neil Taylor at the final whistle. But there then followed an awkward wait while Taylor Neymar's [.

Kitman: New Manchester United away kit launched

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The main thing Manchester United's new away kit has going for it is that it's not their new home kit. But the table cloth gingham that features so prominently on the home shirt puts in an appearance on the shorts here. It does give a slight sense of George at Asda boxers. As for the [...]


Team GB Olympic football preview

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With the Olympics drawing every closer, like the impending visit of a large irritating relative, OTP poses the question: if the British media clamours so much for the national team to succeed, does the Olympic football team offer a greater chance of success? For far too long now, the tabloid media has whipped the country [.

Who Are Ya? Michu (Swansea)

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Your whistle-stop guide to the latest Premier League arrivals Name: Michu (Miguel Pérez Cuesta) Age: 26 Position: Midfielder Signed from: Rayo Vallecano Fee: £2 million. Did you know? Michu was La Liga's highest scoring midfielder last season with 15 strikes. What's the deal? The Spanish midfielder had widely been tipped to join Michael Laudrup's Swans.

Justin Bieber wants to create the world’s most hated football team

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Football fans can sort of handle Justin Bieber. There is very little crossover between Bieber fans and football fans, so he can stay very much off our radar, which is absolutely ideal. But maybe not for much longer. The woefully cheesy Canadian moron is considering setting up his own football team, and to make it [.

Tottenham manager Andre Villas-Boas releases his life after Chelsea summer video diary

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With the odd snipe here and there over the summer, it's easy to get the impression that Andre Villas-Boas hasn't quite got over his Chelsea exit and now we have the video evidence to prove it. Well sort of. Off The Post contributor Will Watson, who served us up a tasty FA Cup exclusive [...]


Barcelona striker David Villa bruises keeper Jose Manuel Pinto, signs his injury

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David Villa's long injury layoff doesn't seem to have affected his shooting power. The Barcelona star, out of action since breaking his leg last December, has been back in training and pelting the ball at reserve keeper Jose Manuel Pinto. He might not yet have his accuracy, but he's got the power. A shot that [.

Barcelona striker David Villa bruises keeper Jose Manuel Pinto, signs his injury

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David Villa's long injury layoff doesn't seem to have affected his shooting power. The Barcelona star, out of action since breaking his leg last December, has been back in training and pelting the ball at reserve keeper Jose Manuel Pinto. He might not yet have his accuracy, but he's got the power. A shot that [.

AC Milan’s Kevin Prince Boateng and Robinho do pre-season their way: a dance off

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Pre-season is supposed to be tough, right? An unpleasant experience, which mainly involves running around until you're on the verge of throwing up. Well, at AC Milan you can take away their footballs... BUT YOU'LL NEVER TAKE THEIR RHYTHM. Kevin Prince Boateng and Robinho took some time out from whatever they were supposed to be [.

AC Milan’s Kevin Prince Boateng and Robinho do pre-season their way: a dance off

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Pre-season is supposed to be tough, right? An unpleasant experience, which mainly involves running around until you're on the verge of throwing up. Well, at AC Milan you can take away their footballs... BUT YOU'LL NEVER TAKE THEIR RHYTHM. Kevin Prince Boateng and Robinho took some time out from whatever they were supposed to be [.

Barcelona star Gerard Pique cheats on Shakira… with a killer whale

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That's right, Barca defender Gerard Pique has been brazenly kissing killer whales in public. The Spain international cuddled up to the amorous sea-dweller, who even slipped him the tongue. Pique's popstar girlfriend Shakira was forced to sit and watch the outrageous public display of affection towards her man.

Don’t fall asleep in front of Manchester United goalkeeper David De Gea

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Until now David De Gea has only been making his Manchester United team-mates feel uncomfortable when they were forced to watch him underneath the high ball. But it now emerges that they should also be uncomfortable if they nod off in front of him. De Gea showed a total lack of respect for fellow Olympian [.

Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson reckons Liverpool sacked Kenny Dalglish over Suarez

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Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has spoken out on Kenny Dalglish's departure from Liverpool and he reckons his fellow Scot was sacked for his poor handling of the Luis Suarez racism row. Widespread public outrage of Dalglish's dogged defence of Suarez even after he was found guilty of racially abusing United left-back Patrice [.

Top five embarrassing Panenka penalty misses

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Missing a penalty is humiliating at the best of times. Just ask Ashley Cole and Ashley Young. But what makes it that much worse is if you do something stupid when taking the pen and it doesn't come off. Then you don't just lack bottle, but you're also an idiot. Although Andrea Pirlo and Sergio [...]


Ex-BBC pundit Lee Dixon and other former Arsenal stars’ sofa performances rated

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Ex-Arsenal right-back-turned-pundit Lee Dixon tweeted earlier this week that he was to leave the BBC after an encouraging couple of seasons on the sofa with Gary Lineker and Co. Dixon posted a message saying: "Sad to be leaving BBC. Nothing lasts forever. New challenges ahead. Loved my time there. Wonderful people", about his relationship with [.

Martin O’Neill meets Ken Bates about Leeds manager job

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Here at OTP we like to bring you the breaking news as it arrives. So we are fairly sure that the above photo is hard evidence that Martin O'Neill and Leeds United chairman Ken Bates met up and travelled to Elland Road to discuss the manager's job. Not sure Neil Warnock will be too happy. [...]


Bernard Manning Jnr takes credit for putting West Brom’s Craig Dawson on the road to Olympic gold

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The son of late comedian Bernand Manning reckons he set Team GB centre-back Craig Dawson on the way to Olympic stardom by telling him he was too good to be collecting glasses. Dawson was working in a pub at the time when Bernard Manning Jnr, the majority shareholder in Radcliffe Borough, told him he [.

Video: Arsenal defender Thomas Vermaelen becomes a kung-fu warrior

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The Premier League elite are always falling over themselves to appeal to the Far East market... but this is taking it to the next level. Apparently, on a trip to China last year the Gunners spotted a poster depicting centre-back Thomas Vermaelen as a kung-fu warrior. Naturally, Arsenal wanted to make this happen.

How Paris Saint Germain’s new Galacticos could line-up next season

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With oil-rich Paris Saint German embarking on a summer spending spree that makes Manchester City look frugal, their Galactico-looking squad looks set to be a major force on domestic and European fronts next season. Having grabbed the attention of the football world with the €62m capture of AC Milan duo Thiago Silva and Zlatan Ibrahimovic, [.

Japanese FA shows it has no class whatsoever

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The Japanese FA has proudly announced that the women's team heading to the Olympics would be upgraded to 'premium economy' on their flight to England. What's wrong with that, you say? Well, the men's team is being despatched business class. On the very same flight. Yes, that's a male team of under 23s that, frankly, [.

Esteban Granero’s reading list shames English footballers

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Whilst our footballers have been arguing over whether someone called someone else a 'black c*nt', whislt all agreeing that it was fine to call someone just a c*nt, the one conclusion we can all draw is that our players are petty, childish and unintelligent. But not all footballers are the same. Real Madrid's Esteban Granero [.

Spanish pornstar makes music video to help ex-Barcelona president Joan Laporta get re-elected

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Former Barcelona president Joan Laporta is reportedly plotting a return to the Camp Nou top job. So, how does he kickstart his re-election campaign? With a promotional music video by his pornstar lover, of course. Adult actress Maria Lapiedra is throwing her weight behind Laporta's campaign and has recorded the song 'Laporta, mi hombre' ('Laporta, [.

Manchester City sports scientist Tom Parry wows Yaya Toure with his dance moves

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There's not a great deal of entertainment around at Manchester City's quiet Austrian pre-season base, so an impromptu dance performance from the club's sports scientist, Tom Parry, provided some welcome relief for an exercise bike-bound Yaya Toure. "You can't teach that, you can't teach it, it's natural, that.

Who Are Ya? Modibo Maiga (West Ham)

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Your whistle-stop guide to the latest Premier League arrivals Name: Modibo Maiga Age: 24 Position: Striker Signed from: Sochaux Fee: Reported to be £4.5 million. Did you know? Maiga went on strike last season in a bid to force through a transfer to Newcastle, but later failed a medical at St James' Park.

Liverpool star Luis Suarez cried over racism row with Manchester United’s Patrice Evra

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Luis Suarez says he cried a lot during his racism row with Manchester United defender Patrice Evra. And the Liverpool striker reckons it was United's political sway that resulted in him being banned. In an interview with Uruguayan TV show RR Gol, Suarez confirmed that Anfield's hierarchy had asked him not to discuss the Evra [.

Video: Drunk Germany fans cheer a woman as she parks her car

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It's probably safe to assume that this footage comes from Euro 2012. All beered up and with no match to go to, these Germany fans throw their support behind a woman who's attempting to parallel park her car. With plenty of vocal support and even the odd driving tip, the vehicle is parked in no [...]


‘Sexy’ Manchester City are the most beautiful team in the Premier League, says Aleksandar Kolarov

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Manchester City are the best looking team in the league, according to full-back Aleksandar Kolarov. Asked to pick his best-looking team-mate, the Serbian struggled to narrow down his options. He said: "I need to say that we are the most beautiful team in the Premiership, for sure. "We have a couple of guys who are [.

Bangor City’s Les Davies battles Messi and Ronaldo to become the best player in Europe

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Bangor City winger Les Davies is on a 32-strong list of players vying to be named as Uefa's best player in Europe. The 27-year-old is one of the most unlikely names on the list. He goes head-to-head with the likes of Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo. His unexpected inclusion is believed to be a quirk [.

Video: Team GB Olympics team suffers behind-closed-doors defeat to Mexico

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Team GB fell to an almost unmentioned 1-0 defeat to Mexico on Sunday as they prepared for the London 2012 Olympic games. Stuart Pearce's side played the behind-closed-doors friendly at the new St George's Park training centre, in Burton, with the media excluded from the match. Footage of the game has eventually leaked out though, [.

Once Municipal score a dreamy volleyed Golazo

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1. We all love a volley 2. We all love hoof ball turning into majesty 3. We all dream of scoring a goal where the ball doesn't touch the floor With that in mind, Once Municipal's players understandably went a little mad after their goal against Juventude Independiente. After the ball was launched upfield by [.

Enzo Francescoli (50) scores four in Ariel Ortega’s testimonial

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We all know the remit for testimonials. No players are to dive into tackles or get too fierce, the star of the show should score the most goals, and if that player happens to be a goalkeeper then he should take a late penalty to sign off the night perfectly. Argentinian legend Enzo Francescoli hadn't [.

Ukranian team Goverla begin their season with a wonderful own goal

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Your club has been promoted to the top division, and you are away for your first game of the season. The manager sits you down and tells you to just keep it tight for the first half. A point is by no means a disaster, and you can begin to push on in the second [...]


Portland Timbers v LA Galaxy – A match made in the Premier League

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It reads like a crap joke: An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman took to the field, and all scored doubles. I wouldn't normally advocate watching 11 minutes worth of highlights from an MLS game, but it's Sunday morning and there's not much football on at the moment, so get yourself a cup of tea [.

Portland Timbers v LA Galaxy – A match made in the Premier League

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It reads like a crap joke: An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman took to the field, and all scored doubles. I wouldn't normally advocate watching 11 minutes worth of highlights from an MLS game, but it's Sunday morning and there's not much football on at the moment, so get yourself a cup of tea [.

Didier Drogba arrives in China to a pop star reception

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We all knew that Didier Drogba would be a sensation in China, but the reception in Shanghai's airport must have surprised even the Ivorian. As he made his way through customs, adoring fans sung the striker's name, and as he exited the airport building hundreds of supporters surrounded a chauffeured car waiting to take him [.

Top 10 worst Premier League signings: Leeds United

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OTP revisits some of the transfers that the country's largest clubs would rather forget... 10. Danny Granville Signed from Chelsea for £1.6million, Granville never really made a significant impression on the Leeds first team, and was sold after just one season for an £800,000 loss to Manchester City, who were not in the Premier League.

Chelsea captain John Terry cleared of racially abusing QPR’s John Terry

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Chelsea's John Terry has been acquitted of racially abusing QPR defender Anton Ferdinand. The former England captain's explanation that he was repeating the words he thought Ferdinand was accusing him of saying was accepted by Westminster Magistrates' Court. Chief Magistrate Howard Riddle said: "The prosecution evidence as to what was said by Mr Ferdinand at [.

Rory McIlroy has a go at the crossbar challenge

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If this is real, it's a ridiculous attempt. Golfer Rory McIlroy has been promoting the new PGA Golf '13 computer game, and took on Soccer AM's crossbar challenge by hitting a ball from 150 yards away. You can see the results for yourself, but it truly is an impressive achievement, worthy of keeping Caroline Wozniacki [.

Top 10 worst Premier League signings: Bolton Wanderers

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OTP's guide to some of the impending, probable and possible transfer moves at every Premier League club. 10. Blessing Kaku Signed from FC Ashdod in Israel, Nigeria international Kaku made just one substitute appearance for Bolton over a year long period, before being released to join Derby. His transfer was also examined by the Stevens [.

Crystal Palace find a novel (navel) way to plug season tickets

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With it not being easy to shift season tickets in London, with city rivals Spurs, Arsenal, Chelsea, Fulham and West Ham all taking the volume, Crystal Palace decided to resort to good old-fashioned perving to try and get bums on seats. The club asked their cheerleadering troupe The Crystals to make a dance video involving [.

Kitman: Everton release new home kit, all very traditional

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Everton's new home shirt has been released, and it's fair to say that they have used the principle of 'if it ain't broke don't fix it'. However, they have used new kit sponsor Nike for their first campaign with the manufacturer. The kit will be displayed for the first time on Saturday as Everton face [.

Kitman: Arsenal’s new purple and black striped away kit

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Arsenal fans know that their team will always be running out at the Emirates in red and white, but their away kit is sometimes less than predictable. In previous years they have had bright yellow and blue options, but this year the club have opted for a purple number, with horizontal black stripes completing the [.

Claus Lundekvam claims that many players colluded on pre-match bets

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Claus Lundekvam scored a few own goals in his time in the Premier League, and now maybe we know why! The Norwegian defender, being interviewed for a television show in his native country, has claimed that he knows of many different Premier League players that won thousands of pounds in spot-betting within football matches.

Top 10 worst Premier League signings: Blackburn Rovers

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OTP revisits some of the transfers that the country's largest clubs would rather forget... 10. Per Pedersen Pedersen became the most expensive player sold by a Danish club when he joined Blakcburn for £2.5million in 1997, but he simply didn't settle in the North West. He scored one goal against Chelsea, but played just 11 [.

Advertising legend Pele turns pizza delivery boy in Santos marketing stunt

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Pele has never knowingly shied away from a commercial opportunity, so when former club Santos approached him about starring in a new marketing stunt he could hardly say no. The Brazilian great donned the uniform of a pizza company and set about putting in a shift. He spent the evening delivering tasty meals to unsuspecting [.

Police called to Port Vale players urinating in a park during pre-season training

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Port Vale players are under police investigation after urinating in a park in a pre-season training session. The unnamed players were caught relieving themselves by a park warden at Hanley Central Forest Park. The warden, who also claimed he was verbally abused by Vale players, complained to Stoke-on-Trent City Council, which called in Staffordshire Police.

Wales manager Chris Coleman will ask Arsenal’s Aaron Ramsey before calling up Stoke defender Ryan Shawcross

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Wales manager Chris Coleman will consult captain Aaron Ramsey before deciding whether to invite Stoke defender Ryan Shawcross to join the squad. It's safe to say there's a bit of history between the pair Shawcross broke Ramsey's leg in six places in 2010 and Coleman is reluctant to upset his skipper.

Who Are Ya? Chico (Swansea City)

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Your whistle-stop guide to the latest Premier League arrivals Name: Chico (Jose Manuel Flores Moreno) Age: 25 Position: Centre-back Signed from: Genoa Fee: £2 million. Did you know? Whenever he enters the field of play, Chico crosses himself in memory of his grandfather, the man who gave him his nickname.

New Swansea signing Chico Flores stars in a Spanish music video

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It really is Chico time! The headline writers have rolled out the old slogan to mark Swansea City signing Chico Flores but it turns out that the centre-back has a musical heritage to match that of his X Factor contestant namesake. The 25-year-old has recently been moonlighting in the official video for Olvídala, a [.

Top 10 worst Premier League signings: Wigan Athletic

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OTP revisits some of the transfers that the country's largest clubs would rather forget... 10. David Cotterill He was named Bristol City's young player of the season in 2005/6, but for Wigan to pay £2million for a League One midfielder was always a gamble, and one that didn't pay off. He played only 18 league [.

Manchester City squad get €1,000 custom-made mattresses for pre-season comfort

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Manchester City's players had special €1,000 mattresses shipped in to their Austrian pre-season base to ensure they get a comfortable bed as they plot to defend their Premier League title. The Hotel Klosterbrau, in Seefeld, had 54 high-density mattresses hand-made in Rome and imported for City's visit at the club's request.

Hard Tackle: Germany and Borussia Dortmund youngster Mario Götze gets over-excited on holiday

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Unlike his Germany international team-mates, Mario Götze got well past a semi this summer. The Borussia Dortmund youngster Got-ze all hot and bothered on his holiday. While frolicking on a boat with his girlfriend, the 20-year-old treated the watching photographers to a visual demonstration of his excitement.

Top 10 worst Premier League signings: West Ham

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OTP revisits some of the transfers that the country's largest clubs would rather forget... 10. Rigobert Song Song had not impressed at all in three years at Anfield, so it was a strange decision for West Ham to pay almost exactly the same price Liverpool had paid for the defender. Even weirder was the claim [.

Video: Newcastle legend Alan Shearer, Iain Dowie and Graham Fenton spoof the ‘FENTON’ viral

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The internet is a funny old place. Not only can it transform a man desperately attempting to stop his dog chasing deer into an overnight viral sensation, it can also encourage three 1990s football veterans to mimic said viral. Newcastle hero Alan Shearer, ex-Southampton pretty boy Iain Dowie and former Aston Villa, Blackburn and Leicester [.

Who Are Ya? Fabio Borini (Liverpool)

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Your whistle-stop guide to the latest Premier League arrivals Name: Fabio Borini Age: 21 Position: Forward Signed from: Roma Fee: Not yet agreed (rumoured £8 million). Did you know? If the move goes through, it will be the third time Borini has worked with Liverpool boss Brendan Rodgers. The first linked up at Chelsea reserves, [.

Carlos Tevez in new bust-up with Manchester City coaching staff

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Carlos Tevez has again fought with Manchester City's coaching staff but this time it's all above board. The Argentine striker donned boxing gloves for a pre-season sparring session with City physio Lee Nobles. At points last season, there were a few people at the Etihad who would have loved five minutes in the ring [.

Video: Russian cameraman’s painful camera faceplant

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This hilarious footage comes from the Russian second division clash between Yenisey Krasnoyarsk and Shinnik Yaroslavl. The teams are about to start the pre-match rituals when the anthem starts booming over the PA system. The cameraman, not yet in position for the traditional walk along the line, starts to run, slips on the grass and [.

Everton’s John Lundstram and Tottenham’s Harry Kane fire England under 19 to Euro semi-final

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England under 19s have gone one step further than the senior squad by reaching the semi-final of the European Championship semi-final. Goals from Everton youngster John Lundstram and Harry Kane, of Tottenham, were enough to give England a 2-1 win over France last night. Lundstram scored from outside the box after a distinctly un-English passing [.

Preston boss Graham Westley has been texting again, tells eight players to stay away from training

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Bizarre late night texting fanatic Graham Westley has been up to his old tricks again. The Preston manager contacted eight of his players telling them to stay away from the club while the rest of the squad started their pre-season training. Barry Nicholson, Paul Coutts and Iain Hume are believed to be three of the [.

Top 10 worst Premier League signings: Sunderland

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OTP revisits some of the transfers that the country's largest clubs would rather forget... 10. Connor Wickham Although Wickham may yet prove me wrong (and I hope he does), the £8million spent on him a year ago (with the potential to rise to £12million) does not look great business right now. He is still 19, [.

Top 10 worst Premier League signings: Tottenham Hotspur

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OTP revisits some of the transfers that the country's largest clubs would rather forget... 10. Heurelho Gomes Whilst the Brazilian has played almost a hundred games for Spurs, he still makes our list. Cost a staggering £10million, and the fact that Spurs bought a 39-year-old to replace Gomes in the short term does not give [.

Homesick Richard Wright leaves Preston North End after one week at the club

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England international goalkeeper Richard Wright has quit Preston just a week after moving to Deepdale, citing homesickness. The former Arsenal man needed just a few days in Lancashire to decide that it was no Suffolk. He told Preston's website: "It might seem somewhat dramatic, but I have only been away from my home in East [.

Former Spain keeper Santiago Canizares posts naked photo of his wife on Twitter

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Ex-Spain and Valencia goalkeeper Santiago Canizares found himself trending on Twitter at the weekend after posting a naked picture of his wife on the microblogging site. The Spanish TV pundit somehow managed to post a picture of his wife showering. He spotted his error 10 minutes later and deleted the image, but by that time [.

Who Are Ya? Jan Vertonghen (Tottenham)

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Your whistle-stop guide to the latest Premier League arrivals Name: Jan Vertonghen Age: 25 Position: Centre-back Signed from: Ajax. Fee: Undisclosed (rumoured £9.5 million). Did you know? The move is likely to go ahead despite the best efforts of the Eredivisie trophy to make Vertonghen fail his medical.

Who Are Ya? Gael Bigirimana (Newcastle United)

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Your whistle-stop guide to the latest Premier League arrivals Name: Gael Bigirimana Age: 18 Position: Midfielder Signed from: Currently undergoing medical ahead of move from Coventry City. Fee: Rumoured £1million. Did you know? Bigirimana is a refugee from Burundi. He was spotted aged 11 by Coventry's then academy recruitment officer Ray Gooding knocking around outside [.

Metro newspaper quotes Everton fanzine When Skies Are Grey as ‘disgruntled Liverpool fan’

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The Metro newspaper demonstrated just how unhappy Liverpool fans are with their horrendous new third kit... by anonymously quoting an Everton fanzine. When Skies Are Grey is a popular Toffees fanzine which has been around since 1988. But today's Metro describes it as a "disgruntled Liverpool fan". A Metro journo was obviously trawling Twitter for [.

Top 10 worst Premier League signings: Southampton

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OTP revisits some of the transfers that the country's largest clubs would rather forget... 10. Stig Johansen Bought by Southampton for £600,000, the striker was intended to partner Matthew Le Tissier in the Saints side, but after just six games (plus a lot of time in the reserves) he was loaned out to Bristol City, [.

Top 10 worst Premier League signings: Newcastle United

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OTP revisits some of the transfers that the country's largest clubs would rather forget... 10. Christian Bassedas Such a disappointment in England that he retired straight afterwards, at the age of 30. He played as a sweeper for Velez Sarsfield in Argentina, where he was both incredibly successful and impressive.

Video: Boca Juniors’ Santiago Silva gets over Copa Libertadores defeat by stealing a camera

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We all deal with disappointment in different ways. Boca Juniors player Santiago Silva likes to get over defeats by stealing electrical equipment. After his side's loss to Corinthians in the Copa Libertadores final, Silva helped himself to a photographer's camera. Walking down the tunnel after the game, he can be seen snatching the camera out [.

Video: Boca Juniors’ Santiago Silva gets over Copa Libertadores defeat by stealing a camera

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We all deal with disappointment in different ways. Boca Juniors player Santiago Silva likes to get over defeats by stealing electrical equipment. After his side's loss to Corinthians in the Copa Libertadores final, Silva helped himself to a photographer's camera. Walking down the tunnel after the game, he can be seen snatching the camera out [.

Video: Journalists empty a Euro 2012 media centre beer fridge in three minutes

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Why do football journalists love their jobs? They get paid to write about football, they get paid to go to watch football matches and, most importantly, they get free beer. Like greedy kids visiting a Pizza Hut ice cream factory for the first time, the journos at this Euro 2012 media centre couldn't believe their [.

Video: FK Baku keeper Agil Mammadov does his best Harald Schumacher impression

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The new season really kicked into full swing last night with the qualification stages of the Europa League getting under way. And what better way to mark the occasion than with a little attempted decapitation. The incident comes from the match between FK Baku, of Azerbaijan, and Slovenia's Mura. Baku goalkeeper Agil Mammadov charged out [.

Video guide to Manchester City, Manchester United, Arsenal, Liverpool, Tottenham and Chelsea’s pre-season friendly globetrotting

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Pre-season is that time of year when even diehard fans struggle to keep up with their team's movements. These days your team can be in a different timezone from day-to-day. Throw into the equation the fact that you've got to take your holiday some time and it can be hard to keep track. That's where [.

Top 10 worst Premier League signings: Manchester City

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OTP revisits some of the transfers that the country's largest clubs would rather forget... 10. Gerry Creaney Creaney was the catalyst for City dropping out of the Premier League, with the Citizens giving Portsmouth £500,000 and Paul Walsh for the Scottish striker. While Walsh scored for fun at Fratton Park, Creaney scored just four league [.

Meet the only man who thinks as highly of Nicklas Bendtner as Nicklas Bendtner: his agent(s)

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Fans of the Premier League betting on a likely destination for Nicklas Bendtner next season would probably put their money on a drop down for the Denmark international. He has failed to live up to his own lofty expectations at Arsenal and, although looking more at his level, didn't exactly set the world alight at [.

Top 10 worst Premier League signings: Manchester United

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OTP revisits some of the transfers that the country's largest clubs would rather forget... 10. Erik Nevland Nevland was sold to Manchester United at the age of 19 before he had even made an appearance for his club side. He stayed at the club for three seasons, but only ever made one league appearance, coming [.

Juan Roman Riquelme quits Boca Juniors for barbecues

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Boca Juniors star Juan Roman Riquelme has announced he is leaving Boca Juniors because he wants to have more time to spend at barbecues. The 34-year-old announced his decision to quit following Boca's defeat to Brazilian side Corinthians in last night's Copa Libertadores final. He said: "I can not perform 100 per cent.

Paolo Di Canio says Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli ‘deserves a lot of slaps’

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Swindon boss Paolo Di Canio says compatriot Mario Balotelli wouldn't be getting the arm round the shoulder treatment if the Manchester City star played for him. He'd be getting a few slaps round the face instead. Di Canio played down Balotelli's role in Italy's impressive Euro 2012, saying veteran Antonio Cassano deserves most of the [.

Top 10 last-ditch attempts to get Robin Van Persie to sign a new Arsenal contract

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1. Get Thierry Henry on the phone Tel could give Van Persie an assessment on the results of leaving Arsenal when you're the teams talisman. He could explain that the grass isn't always greener and he may well be looking for a loan move back in a couple of years to give him a break [...]


Kitman: Liverpool’s nasty new purple and tribal pattern third kit

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Like a politician testing the water with a controversial policy, Liverpool wisely leaked a horrific computer-generated version of this kit a while back. The finished version is pretty nasty, but it looks positively stylish in comparison to the draft version. The shade of purple has been toned down in comparison to the leaked version.

Top 10 worst Premier League signings: Liverpool

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OTP revisits some of the transfers that the country's largest clubs would rather forget... 10. Andy Carroll Time is still on his side, but after a purchase from the North East for an extortionate sum of money the best thing you could say is that the jury is still out. Didn't perform too shabbily when [.

Chelsea striker Daniel Sturridge has meningitis, confirms Roberto Di Matteo

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Chelsea's Daniel Sturridge is receiving treatment for viral meningitis. The 22-year-old fell ill at the weekend and was taken for tests at St Mary's Hospital in Paddington, London. Rumours began yesterday suggesting the player might be suffering from meningitis, and that has now been confirmed by Chelsea manager Roberto Di Matteo.

Top 10 worst Premier League signings: Fulham

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OTP revisits some of the transfers that the country's largest clubs would rather forget... 10. Gabriel Zakuani After beginning his career at Leyton Orient, Fulham decided to spend £1million on the central defender, rising to £1.5million on appearances. They needn't have worried about that extra £500,000, as Zakuani never even made a first team appearance [.

Video: Real Madrid’s Alvaro Arbeloa jumps from bus during Spain’s Euro 2012 victory parade

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A third successive major tournament victory coupled with a new Spiderman film: it all got too much for Real Madrid right-back Alvaro Arbeloa. The former Liverpool man abseiled down the side of Spain's double-decker bus as it travelled through the streets of Madrid for their victory parade. OTP doesn't have insider knowledge of Real Madrid's [.

Former Chelsea star Nicolas Anelka’s angry row with Shanghai Shenhua fan

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Shanghai Shenhua former player-coach turned very much just a player, Nicolas Anelka, has rowed with a supporter of the Chinese side over his refusal to perform a traditional post-match bow. The incident followed a 1-0 defeat at bottom-of-the-table Qingdao Jonoon. In Chinese football, the whole team usually bow at the end of the match to [.

Video: England beach footballer Matthew Evans scores own goal, kicks ball at opponent’s head

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If you've not yet had your fill of England tournament disappointment, you might like to watch the beach football team in action. Here's a quick taster for you. Matthew Evans scores an own goal against Belarus. Presumably perturbed that an opponent had caused him to head into his own net by, you know, standing in [.

Tottenham appoint former Chelsea boss Andre Villas Boas as manager

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Tottenham have confirmed that ex-Chelsea manager Andre Villas Boas is their new head coach. The announcement was made via the club's official Twitter account. They tweeted: "The club is delighted to announce Andre Villas-Boas as head coach." The 34-year-old has signed a three-year contract at the club.

Top 10 worst Premier League signings: Everton

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OTP revisits some of the transfers that the country's largest clubs would rather forget... 10. Marco Materazzi Although Everton were actually able to make a profit on the Italian, his time in England was not a success. Four red cards in his 27 games did not exactly help matters, and he was sold after just [.

OTP Euro 2012 Podcast – July 3rd: Torres-ntial Reign

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July 3rd Torres-ntial Reign by Off The Post on Mixcloud It was historic, it was beautiful to experience and it was perhaps the best display of artistry and invention in our lifetime... the OTP Pod have served up their very last Euro 2012 special. With the salivary gland on full alert, we dim the [.

Top 10 worst Premier League signings: Chelsea

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OTP revisits some of the transfers that the country's largest clubs would rather forget... 10. Robert Fleck Fleck is one of those strange players that almost becomes legendary with a club's fans for being poor (in the Jason Lee mould), and Chelsea fans still sing to the tune of Yellow Submarine about the Scottish striker.

Video: Spain captain Iker Casillas pleads for Italy to be put out of their misery

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While heartless Fernando Torres was busy using Italy's misfortune to bag himself the Golden Boot, at the other end of the pitch Spain goalkeeper Iker Casillas was begging the match officials to blow for full-time. With the Italians trailing 4-0, down to 10 men and completely out of steam, Casillas asked for the match to [.

Video: Liverpool keeper Pepe Reina gives safety demonstration on Spain’s flight home

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Ladies and gentlemen (and OTP readers), please take a few moments to watch this short safety video from your flight attendant Pepe Reina. Even if you are a frequent flyer, we have no doubt that you find this video both informative and entertaining. We'd appreciate your full attention.


Basque-ing in the glory: Athletic Bilbao’s Javi Martinez thrown out of Real Madrid Euro 2012 photo

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Spain's squad might have put their geographical divides behind them to great effect over the last four years, but their are still cliques in the squad. This was neatly demonstrated when Athletic Bilbao midfielder Javi Martinez inadvertently gatecrashed a 'Real Madrid only' photo during the Euro 2012 victory celebrations.

Who Are Ya? Karim El Ahmadi (Aston Villa)

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Your whistle-stop guide to the latest Premier League arrivals Name: Karim El Ahmadi Age: 27 Position: Midfielder Signed from: Feyenoord Fee: Undisclosed (rumoured £2 million) Did you know? El Ahmadi fancies himself as a bit of a clothes horse. He's currently shortlisted in the Dutch edition of Esquire magazine's hunt to find the Netherlands' most [.

New Premier League ball Nike Maxim revealed

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Nike have unveiled the ball that will be used in the Premier League, La Liga and Serie A next season. The Nike Maxim will be flying into nets up and down the country from August onwards. And, let's face it, it's about time we had some football around here. The bright colours in use on [...]


Video: David Beckham’s amazingly accurate, long-range petulance

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David Beckham celebrated being left out of the Team GB squad for the London 2012 Olympics by picking a fight with just about anybody he could during LA Galaxy's match against San Jose Earthquakes. Typically of the man, he couldn't even give a petulant display of dissent without showing off the accuracy of his passing.

Video: Mario Balotelli not a fan of clipboards

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Manchester City staff already on the lookout for ways to keep Mario Balotelli out of trouble next season might like to note the need to keep clipboards away from him after a defeat.


Top 10 worst Premier League signings: Arsenal

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OTP revisits some of the transfers that the country's largest clubs would rather forget... 10. Jermaine Pennant Although Pennant has established himself as a half-decent Premier League winger with Liverpool and Stoke, his time at Arsenal was blighted by a series of personal problems. Arsenal paid £2million for a 15-year-old, and were left with an [.

Top 10 worst Premier League signings: Aston Villa

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OTP revisits some of the transfers that the country's largest clubs would rather forget... 10. Najwan Ghrayib The Israeli defender was being chased by Spurs until John Gregory snapped up the player for Villa, following the recommendation of his scout that Ghrayib was the "best left back he had ever seen".

Video: Alan Shearer puts Spain’s Euro 2012 victory down to ‘an unbelievable amount of sex’

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How do you motivate the national team that's already won everything? With "an unbelievable amount of sex". That's the verdict of ex-England captain Alan Shearer anyway. The BBC pundit had a minor slip of the tongue during the post-match festivities which led to him crediting Shakira, Sara Carbonero and the rest of Spain's WAGs with [.

All our dreams come true: it’s Wolves’ George Elokobi in a YouTube fitness video

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Wolves defender George Elokobi is a player who's always fascinated OTP. As wide as he is tall, the Cameroon international looks like he'd make a better nightclub bouncer than a football. Perhaps he would, but he's still giving football a fair crack of the whip. Built like the proverbial brick outhouse and with a neck [.

Top 10 Euro 2012 final conclusions: Spain 4-0 Italy

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1. Congratulations, Spain. We would have liked to see you head-to-head against Germany, but we're more than willing to accept that you were far better than anyone else in this tournament. 2. Who needs a striker when your 5ft 8in midfielder scores headers and your left-back races onto through-balls to find the net?

Revealed: The confidence-boosting training sessions that helped Fernando Torres rediscover his form

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Take note, Roberto Di Matteo. This is how you nurse Euro 2012 Golden Boot winner Fernando Torres back to top form. Let him have a few training sessions with team-mates who look up to him.


OTP’s Howard The Psychic Duck predicts… Spain v Italy

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It's time. Howard might have foreseen Germany lining up against the holders this evening, but what are you going to do. There's only a Mario Balotelli inspired Italy between Spain and their third straight major tournament, so which way has our feathered soothsayer called it? Our amphibious friend bows out tonight, and he'll either be [.

Copycat: Japanese striker mimics Mario Balotelli’s muscle rippling goal celebration

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Imitation is the greatest form of flattery and it's never more entertaining than when you are imitating Mr Mario Balotelli. On Saturday a honourable homage to the Italian's muscle clenching celebration against Germany was provided by Ken Tokura in the J-League. The Vissel Kobe forward bagged the winner against Kawasaki Frontale by sauntering in to the last third [.

Rule book revelation: Disastrous Portugal penalties could have been taken in any order

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Maybe watching over 30 games of football in the last three weeks has left us a little frazzled between the ears, but we worked under the assumption that there was a fixed order of penalty takers to keep to in a shootout scenario. Apparently not so according to former-Premier League referee Graham Poll.

Crazy Spanish referee belts a 30 yard shot at goal during youth match

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We've long believed that many referees are frustrated footballers, and it would appear our suspicions are confirmed, at least when it comes to observing this Spanish official. With Unión Deportiva Móstoles destroying Aravaca 13-0 in the Madrid South Youth Cup and time ticking down, the match referee shows some great tenacity to dispossess a player and duly spank the ball at [.

Police force provide superb crime-related twitter commentary during England v Italy quarter-final

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After hearing that Ashley Cole and Ashley Young were racially abused on Twitter after England were knocked out of Euro 2012, you could be forgiven for re-evaluating the worth of the popular social networking platform. Thankfully, our 140-character  faith was restored when we heard this story. On the night of the England v Italy quarter-final, [.

Manchester United’s Ashley Young dropped from Lucozade ads the morning after he missed Euro 2012 penalty

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They often say that things will feel better in the morning, but that can't have been the case for Ashley Young the day after his missed penalty against Italy. With front and back pages across the nation showcasing the Manchester United forward's wayward spot-kick, his sponsor Lucozade tried to hush up any public association with [.

OTP Euro 2012 Podcast – July 1st: Final Countdown

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July 1st Final Countdown by Off The Post on Mixcloud With Ben all footballed-out, he's gone to get away from it all in the last place anyone would be talking about Euro 2012: Scotland. So it's fallen to Alex and Paddy to wade back through the tense, swampy waters of both semi finals, and [...]


Premier League teams should shop Czech and Greek to get value for money

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Premier League chairmen should turn their back on overpaid English players and do their summer transfer business in Greece, Czech Republic and Denmark. That's the finding of an index looking at the value of players at Euro 2012. The Bwin Player Value Index compared the relative performance of nations competing at Euro 2012, factoring in [.

SPOOF: FA fury at Euro 2012 failure to camera perv on England female fans

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The English Football Association today issued an official complaint to UEFA after no English female fans were gratuitously zeroed in on during the European Championships. Despite a bounty of beautiful and often scantily clad female fans being caught on camera at breaks in the game over the past few weeks, there was a distinct lack [.

SPOOF: FA fury at Euro 2012 failure to camera perv on England female fans

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The English Football Association today issued an official complaint to UEFA after no English female fans were gratuitously zeroed in on during the European Championships. Despite a bounty of beautiful and often scantily clad female fans being caught on camera at breaks in the game over the past few weeks, there was a distinct lack [.