Off the Post Archives for January 2011

Owen Hargreaves set to join Manchester City, reignites the Manchester billboard wars

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The posters are back Remember the heady days of the Manchester billboard wars of 2009? Well, they're back. Salford's Photoshop freedom fighters have been spurred into action by the news that released Manchester United midfielder Owen Hargreaves has undergone a medical at Manchester City. The England midfielder is no stranger to medical examination as [.

Harry Redknapp and the definition of irony

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Transfer talk And that is just one example we could have gone for any number of others. For someone who lives their life through the Sky Sports News lens and has never knowingly passed up the opportunity to name a player he wants to sign, Harry Redknapp did not win a great deal of sympathy [...]


Video: ‘Injured’ player leaps off stretcher to attack cameraman

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Reuben Noble-Lazarus? We're not sure exactly what is going on here. The footage seems to come from Israel, which would make sense. The Bible tells us that's the right part of the world to be on a stretcher one minute and jumping around the next. It seems to be a properly televised match, in a [...]


Video: ‘Injured’ player leaps off stretcher to attack cameraman

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Reuben Noble-Lazarus? We're not sure exactly what is going on here. The footage seems to come from Israel, which would make sense. The Bible tells us that's the right part of the world to be on a stretcher one minute and jumping around the next. It seems to be a properly televised match, in a [...]


Arsenal win a trophy

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That's how you do it While Arsenal were getting whipped 8-2 at Old Trafford last weekend, Arsenal Ladies were winning 3-1 at Liverpool Ladies to lift the inaugural Women's Super League title. The Gunners girls had previously won seven successive Premier League titles, meaning they have won a trophy every season since the men's team [.

Grimsby boss Rob Scott: ‘If you don’t like it, don’t f**king come’

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Mariners manager lets of some steam Grimsby Town have been thrust into the spotlight courtesy of this splendid rant from manager Rob Scott. The Mariners' gaffer was getting an earful from fans over the quality of the squad. He fronted up to the lippy supporter and advised him to cough up some money if he [.

Bari player needs stitches in salad friendly fire incident

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Who threw all the pies? Can't shoot, can't throw. Bari's Salvatore Masiello is now likely to be transfer listed after throwing a plate of salad at a colleague during a squad dinner. Although team-mate Alesandro Crescenzi blocked the missile with his arm, the plate shattered and he was required to have 40 stitches in the [.

Who Are Ya? Ulises Davila (Chelsea)

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Your whistle-stop guide to the latest Premier League arrivals Name: Ulises Davila Age: 20 Position: Attacking midfielder Signed from: Chivas Fee: £1.75m Did you know? Davila benefited from the recent Mexico national team prostitute scandal. He was called up to the Copa America squad after eight players were suspended for bringing hookers to the team [.

Premier League Name Translator: Eve Sheep (Chelsea)

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Cutting through the exotic monikers of Premier League imports The new woman on the Chelsea bench has created quite a stir since she started working with the first-team on matchdays. And she was thrust further into the limelight at the weekend when she tended to the unconscious Didier Drogba following his knockout blow from Norwich [.

Video: Didier Drogba’s sickening knockout (Chelsea v Norwich)

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Ruddy hell At one stage at the weekend it looked like a very nasty injury to Chelsea striker Didier Drogba would be the big Premier League talking point, but that was before Manchester United inflicted an equally painful blow on Arsenal. Drog turned out to be Little Boy Who Cried I'm Injured In The Penalty [.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 27-28 August

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1. Well, that was a pretty comprehensive 13-3 aggregate win in the much touted Manchester v North London double-header. 2. Arsenal players are doing their bit to undermine the manager. They are aiming to blow his "I did not see ze incident" argument out of the water by getting a player sent-off every match.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 27-28 August

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1. Well, that was a pretty comprehensive 13-3 aggregate win in the much touted Manchester v North London double-header. 2. Arsenal players are doing their bit to undermine the manager. They are aiming to blow his "I did not see ze incident" argument out of the water by getting a player sent-off every match.

Video: Cesc Fabregas scores first Barcelona goal, equals Arsenal trophy haul

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Nou boy gets medals Two games into his Barcelona career, Cesc Fabregas has scored his first competitive goal and won the same amount of trophies than during his eight years at Arsenal. Fabregas scored Barcelona's second goal in a 2-0 European Super Cup win over Porto in Monaco last night. The midfielder can add his [.

The best transfer rumour ever

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That's right, there is a defender called Mark De Man. No wonder Kilmarnock are so keen!


The FIFA 12 advert is here

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This extended advert shows you just about everything you need to know about the FIFA 12 game, including a rundown of some of the exciting new features and a look at the graphics in action.


OTP Podcast Stoppage Time: Episode 3

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Power issues With Ben still away in Hollywood moonlighting as the LA Galaxy's Robbie Keane, the skeleton OTP crew of Alex and Paddy are left to carve up the remaining Around The World action that didn't quite squeeze into the podcast. Meanwhile, the real Robbie Keane is said to be having the time of his [.

We’re telling you, Patrick Vieira’s sole job is to wind up Arsenal fans

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Annoyance development executive We told you last month that we suspected that new Manchester City football development executive Patrick Vieira's job description reads as follows: Wind up Arsenal at any given opportunity. So, consider the latest evidence. Samir Nasri signs for City. Who is the blame immediately pinned to?

Gaddafi and his unfulfilled Champions League dream

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Green Army Don't mention the war. Usually it is a good idea for an irreverent football blog to keep clear of international conflicts – they go together about as smoothly as Gervinho's scalp and dreadlocks. That said OTP has perused such a treasure trove of farcical facts on the ‘football career' of a key figure [.

Video: Shamrock Rovers knock Partizan Belgrade out of Europa League

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Rovers rock on Irish minnows Shamrock Rovers have qualified for the group stages of the Europa League after an incredible extra time win over Partizan Belgrade. The result means the Dublin-based side are officially better than all of Scottish football combined. Partizan, playing at home, took the lead before Rovers' Patrick Sullivan equalised with a [.

Manchester City supporting dog does the Poznan

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Pawsnan Meet Dougie the dog. Just like owner Lynn Ratcliffe he supports Manchester City, and when his team score he likes to join the rest of the fans in doing the Poznan. The video above shows Dougie debuting the Poznan during the FA Cup semi-final victory over Manchester United. And the Poznan pooch was back [.

Video: Wojciech Szczesny helps Arsenal into Champions League with superb penalty save

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Spot on Arsenal eventually secured a comfortable qualification for the Champions League group stages, but not before a nervy hour against Italian side Udinese. Veteran striker Antonio Di Natale gave the Serie A outfit a first-half lead to level the tie. A crucial away goal from Robin Van Persie on 55 minutes swung the tie [.

Manchester City believe video games are real-life, counting Samir Nasri FIFA goals

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Virtual soccer Manchester City really don't have some sort of complex regarding their neighbours Manchester United. Honestly. That's why, upon completing the signing of Samir Nasri from Arsenal, they immediately published a mock-up of him scoring his first Manchester City goal. Against Manchester United, naturally.

Who Are Ya? Juan Mata (Chelsea)

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Your whistle-stop guide to the latest Premier League arrivals Name: Juan Mata Age: 23 Position: Midfielder/Winger Signed from: Valencia Fee: £23.5m Did you know? His surname means 'He Kills', although police have not yet found any conclusive evidence.


Ruud Van Nistelrooy: ‘My hair is the only thing I’m naturally blessed with’

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OTP interviews RVN With a new Premier League campaign now underway, OTP can now reveal that towards the end of last season we were given exclusive access to one-time Premier League icon and general goal machine Ruud van Nistelrooy, to talk to him about all things Champions League, scoring goals, and of course hair styling [.

Video: Charlton fans enjoy some bum fun behind Sky Sports’ Johnny Phillips

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Who says nobody takes the Carling Cup seriously? Relatively speaking, Johnny Phillips is probably just about Sky Sports News' most straight-laced roving reporter. Well, that was until a bunch of Charlton fans decided to turn his update from the Addicks' Carling Cup match against Reading into a low-budget adult film.

Fulham’s Philippe Senderos expects Newcastle midfielder Joey Barton to come in his face

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Senderos gets lost in translation... we think Fulham defender Philippe Senderos gave some insight into why Joey Barton is not the most popular figure among his fellow professionals by revealing a rather unusual tackling technique live on ESPN. Senderos said: "I think with Joey Barton you know what to expect.

Andy Carroll arrives at Manchester City

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Striker grout-of-favour with Kenny Dalglish But don't fret, Liverpool fans. He's just got a spot of tiling to do and then he will be on his way back to Anfield.


OTP Podcast: Episode 2 – Wenger Worries

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Took it in, beat two men and opened his body and just caressed it. He did Salgado twice. Ep.2 Wenger Worries by Off The Post on Mixcloud As the new Premier League season gets into its stride, the OTP Podcast continues to shake out the pre-season cobwebs and just about put a vaguely coherent show [...

Getafe advocate mass sperm donation to bolster their support

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NSFW This crazy advert for La Liga side Getafe begins with a fan stood in the stadium and pondering the club's problem: there aren't many supporters. The man immediately hatches a plan to boost season ticket sales by heading to a sperm bank to provide multiple donations of his Getafe-supporting swimmers.

Video: Young Sunderland fan’s prediction powers let him down during Newcastle match

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Taylor made for Newcastle supporters You'll need your volume on to hear Mystic Mackem in full flow.


Top five conclusions: Manchester United 3-0 Tottenham (with highlights video)

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1. Wayne Rooney's new fringe has magic powers. 2. Manchester United's new star striker deserves a new double-barrel name: Danny Welbeck-heel. He certainly does backheel well. 3. Tottenham seemed less interested about winning the match and more intent on causing irreparable damage to David De Gea's reputation.

Video: Turkish side Karsiyaka kill a camel and smear its blood on their players

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Pre-season sacrifices We all know that you supposedly have to make sacrifices in order to make the grade as a professional footballer, but this might be taking things a bit too far. Fans of second-tier Turkish side Karsiyaka have got the hump at being forced to celebrate their centenary outside the Super Lig, so they [.

GIF It: Raul Meireles gives Liverpool team-mate Lucas the finger

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Liver bird A strange moment from Saturday's match between Liverpool and Arsenal saw the Reds' Portuguese midfielder Raul Meireles offering up a middle-finger salute to team-mate Lucas Leiva. The word from Liverpool supporters is that Arsenal midfielder Emmanuel Frimpong has made a similar gesture to Lucas earlier in the match and that Meireles decided to [.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 20-21 August

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1. Arsene Wenger might be feeling under a little bit of pressure. 2. Match-winning goals from Edin Dzeko and 25-yard curlers from Gareth Barry? Surely nothing can stop Manchester City now. Next Mario Balotelli will publicly declare his love for Manchester and his pride at being part of the squad. 3. Only kidding.

GIF It: Arsene Wenger’s mad hair rub (Arsenal v Liverpool)

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Wenger's wet dog impersonation Arsene Wenger was once again unable to contain his frustration as Arsenal lost at home to Liverpool on Saturday. And this was when the score was still 0-0. The Frenchman found a handy way to remove some excess rainwater and some stress at the same time.


Football Lookalikes: Darth Maul and Mario Balotelli

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Sulky sub Reluctant Manchester City substitute Mario Balotelli decided to make yesterday's trip to the Reebok Stadium a fancy dress affair. The Italian striker was channelling the spirit of Star Wars character Darth Maul as he sat with his hood up and a menacing look on his face. Mario was more death stare than Death [.

Mike Ashley comes up with unique solution to the Newcastle left-back dilemma

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Is there a John Beresford in the house? Newcastle seem to have found a dramatic last-ditch solution to their left-back problem. Having sold Jose Enrique to Liverpool, the Magpies were heading into this weekend's Tyne-Wear derby with the unproven and in most people's opinions too attacking Shane Ferguson as their only recognised left-back.

Notts County manager Martin Allen appeals for whistling teacher

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You can whistle for it Notts County boss Martin Allen has made an unusual request on his club's website: he wants someone to teach him how to whistle. Allen believes his inability to whistle is affecting his ability to communicate with his players during matches. He wrote: "I am desperately trying to find somebody that [.

German police on the scent of Cologne fans after dirty riot

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Pew, what's that new Cologne? Police in Germany are hunting a small group of fans of FC Cologne who are believed to be responsible for throwing cups of urine and faeces at rival supporters during a league match last weekend. Trouble started early on matchday 2 when a group of Cologne fans pelted police with [.

OTP Podcast Stoppage Time: Episode 2

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The OTP Podcast: now with added face Much like QPR's foray back into the big time, a lack of talent, equipment, or experience isn't holding the Off The Post Podcast crew back. So despite an outtakes reel long enough to fill an entire series of You've Been Framed, they've gone in front of the camera [.

Video: Scottish Football 0-5 Tottenham Hotspur

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Disheartening Spurs dealt a footballing lesson to Hearts in their Europa League qualifier first-leg last night. Harry Redknapp's side eased to a 0-5 victory over Hearts with goals from Rafael Van der Vaart, Jermain Defoe, Jake Livermore, Gareth Bale and Aaron Lennon. Redknapp was gracious in pointing out the bigger budget at his disposal.

Bangor Ladies FC secure sponsorship deal Sepp Blatter would be proud of

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Blat'll do As we know, it is not easy for women's football clubs to gain the same level of attention as their male counterparts. FIFA president Sepp Blatter has argued that the ladies ought to be sexing up the sport in order to generate more publicity. OTP would argue that, given that their name is [.

Kitman: Young Arsenal fan shows resourcefulness in face of impending Samir Nasri exit

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Personalised shirt Is this the fickleness of youth? Or a youngster, wise beyond his years, showing excellent crisis management skills? Either way, it is difficult to not raise a smile at this DIY approach to dealing with the loss of your former favourite player. Perhaps there is a message here for all Gooners: get a [.

Meet Aston Villa’s slightly racist former mascot

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A tad un-PC Aston Villa's mascot is currently Hercules Lion. He is everything you want in a mascot: jovial, sporty and a bit of cheeky chap. While there is a theme of African heritage running through the narrative of Villa mascots past and present, this wasn't always portrayed in quite as politically correct or positive [.

Video: Cesc Fabregas makes his Barcelona debut, get warm welcome from Marcelo

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Trophy number one: tick Cesc Fabregas made his Barcelona bow last night and has already won nearly as many trophies as he picked up during eight years at Arsenal. The midfielder made an eight-minute cameo appearance at the end of the match as Barca secured a Supercopa de España victory over Real Madrid.

Sporting KC keeper Jimmy Nielsen hit by Omar Bravo bobblehead

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Bring me the head of Omar Bravo Sporting Kansas City goalkeeper Jimmy Nielsen received a nasty cut to the head after being struck by the head of an Omar Bravo doll thrown by his own fans. Nielsen was hit when he ventured to the side of his goal for a drink of water after his [...]


Video: Real Madrid boss Jose Mourinho eye gouges Barcelona assistant manager

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Last night's El Clasico between Barcelona and Real Madrid was ill-tempered to say the least (as if there's any other sort of El Clasico). There were three red cards and an infinite number of talking points, but once again Jose Mourinho managed to steal the show. During a brawl at the final whistle, the Special [.

Watch the FA Cup live on Facebook

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Social media soccerball Farmville crops are set to be left to their own devices for 90 minutes this Friday when a sports broadcasting first takes place. New FA Cup sponsors Budweiser and the Football Association are broadcasting the opening match of this season's competition live on Facebook. Alas, they seem to be branding as the [.

Video: Manchester United legend Sir Bobby Charlton dancing to Beyonce

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Yes, sir, Bob can boogie An early contender for strangest video of the season comes in the form of this footage of Sir Bobby Charlton dancing to a Beyonce track at a charity event. The Manchester United legend and World Cup winner, now aged 73, showed off his moves as he joined in with a [...]


Arsenal striker Robin Van Persie reveals he has a bespoke pre-match motivational song

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Robin Van Persie has been back to his roots in Rotterdam to recall his early days of playing football. He reveals that before all his matches he listened to a track composed for him by Dutch freestyle footballer and musician Soufiane Touzani. He said: "Because he was inspired he made that song and that song [.

Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp gets increasingly desperate in hunt for new striker

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Harry Redknapp has become so frustrated at his inability to lure a new striker to White Hart Lane that he has begun running scouting missions on retired footballers. The Tottenham boss ran the rule over former Holland forward Patrick Kluivert at very close quarters yesterday evening. Filed under: 'If I haven't got anyone else in [.

OTP Podcast: Episode 1 – Up and Running

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Gervinho's hair: more questions than answers Ep 1 Up and Running by Off The Post on Mixcloud Just like the new season, the Off The Post podcast is back, full of (most probably short-lived) optimism and hope for the campaign ahead. Ben is away this week on his own money-spinning pre-season tour of America, [.

Tottenham’s Europa League plans hit by Edinburgh Fringe festival

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If Europing to stay here, think again Have you heard the one about the football club with no hotel? Tottenham have been forced to base themselves an hour away from the stadium for their Europa League qualifier against Hearts tomorrow. Every Edinburgh hotel is currently fully booked for the Edinburgh Fringe comedy and arts festival, [.

‘Brainiest’ footballer Clarke Carlisle charged with drink driving

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Clarke of the court Football's cleverest player Clarke Carlisle has been charged with drink driving. The Preston defender, who made the headlines with his appearances on Question Time and Countdown, was stopped by police and breathalysed last month. A spokesman for Greater Manchester Police said: "A 31-year-old man has been charged with driving with excess [.

Swindon Town vandals burn ‘STFC’ into Oxford United’s pitch

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1-0 to the arsonist Swindown Town-supporting vandals have broken into the stadium of rivals Oxford United and burnt the letters 'STFC' into the pitch. The playing surface at the Kassam Stadium was targeted on Friday night. CCTV footage shows the men entering the stadium and setting the pitch alight to create the lettering.

Mario Balotelli customises t-shirt to clarify that he doesn’t love Manchester

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Mario's artistic side Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli might be a nutcase, but he is not a hypocrite. And he's also surprisingly media savvy. Well, that's one way of viewing his latest antics. City's players we given 'I ♥ MCR' t-shirts to show solidarity with the city in the wake of last week's riots.

Video: Gary Neville’s painful interview with Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini

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Nevsnight with Jeremy Paxman Former Manchester United player Gary Neville made his Monday Night Football debut last night. Nervous Nev struggled to get to grips with his new job, as indicated by the fact that he looks like he is desperate for the toilet for most of this video. But by far the worst moment [.

Robbie Keane signs for boyhood heroes LA Galaxy

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Dreams can come true Robbie Keane, a footballer who has had more dreams come true than Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, has completed a move to LA Galaxy, claiming you guessed it that the transfer was a dream come true. After finalising his move from Tottenham to link-up with David Beckham, Keane [.

Video: Sergio Aguero’s near-perfect Manchester City debut

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£40 million well spent szólj hozzá: www.1Goals.com MC 4-0 SC Sergio Aguero announced his Premier League rival with a spectacular debut for Manchester City. Coming off the bench on the hour mark, the Argentine striker scored two and set-up another in a 4-0 win over Swansea City. It was Aguero's second goal that really [.

How is Joey Barton spending his Monday?

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What's big, bad Barton up to today? Dislocating the shoulders of small children, of course. Left to train on his own, Barton is entertaining himself by finding young Newcastle fans whose arms he can rip out of socket. We jest, of course. This photo comes from the end of last season (when he was free [.

Chelsea midfielder John Obi Mikel’s father kidnapped in Nigeria

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No ransom yet Chelsea star John Obi Mikel took to the field for his side's season opener against Stoke City before being told before kick-off that his father had been kidnapped in Nigeria. Transport firm owner Michael Obi disappeared in the city of Jos last Friday. His son played 90 minutes at the Britannia Stadium [.

First look at Football Manager 2012

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It's coming SEGA and Sports Interactive have today announced if you can announce an annual event that Football Manager 2012 will be hitting stores in time for Christmas. And to whet your appetite they have released a couple of videos. The footage above shows the new game's match engine. And get your first [.

Barcelona confirm signing of Cesc Fabregas

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Cesc signs Barcelona have confirmed that Cesc Fabregas has signed a five-year deal at the club. The ex-Arsenal captain has completed his move to his boyhood team. And after months of wrangling over how much the midfielder was worth and haggling down Arsenal's asking price, the European champions have slapped a €200 million release clause [.

Swansea sponsors 32RED back their team for relegation

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Sponsor doubts Swans can stay afloat Online bookmakers 32Red, shirt sponsors of Premier League newcomers Swansea City, have suggested they think they are backing the wrong horse this season by tipping the Swans for relegation. Despite backing the club financially, they will not be backing Swansea in the betting market having made them 4/6 favourites [.

Football Lookalikes: Cheick Tiote and The Brain from Pinky and The Brain

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Tiote and The Brain Bulbous headed Newcastle cult hero Cheick Tiote's rather unusual cranium probably opens him up to a host of possible lookalikes. But combine the bulging head with that scowling forehead and OTP reckons you get The Brain from 1990s cartoon Pinky and the Brain.


‘Do Are Ya? Alex Song

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Song's noteworthy barnet Arsenal midfielder Alex Song has ditched his distinctive blonde afro to allow him to inconspicuously go about his stamping undetected this season. The Gunners hardman the only Gunners hardman has opted for a gingery orange mohican for the new season. Surprisingly, it does seem to be doing the job so [.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 13-14 August

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1. The real winners this weekend were the Football Pools coupons: not a single home win in the Premier League. 2. All those Spanish pundits were right: David De Gea is always susceptible to those 10-yard wonderstrikes. 3. You can always trust Joey Barton to keep his head down after an unexpected reprieve from his [.

Arsenal agree deal to sell Cesc Fabregas to Barcelona

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It's over, it's finally over! Arsenal have accepted on offer from Barcelona for captain Cesc Fabregas, manager Arsene Wenger has confirmed. The 24-year-old midfielder will return to his boyhood club after the Gunners confirmed on its website that it had "reached an agreement in principle" with the Catalan giants.

Chelsea’s secret tactics: try to find the moles

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Blues drop points but no need to make a mountain out of a molehill Chelsea skipper John Terry dished the dirt on new boss Andre Villas Boas' secret tactics following their 0-0 draw at Stoke. The new Portuguese gaffer has sent his new charges on a cruel hunting spree. According to Terry, Villas Boas' [.

GIF It: Chelsea boss Andre Villas Boas does an excited dance with Didier Drogba

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Go Andre Today we got our first glimpse at what sort of manager Andre Villas Boas is going to be as Chelsea opened their season away at Stoke. It turns out the Portuguese boss will mainly be performing hip-hop dance moves while caressing the chest of Didier Drogba. A near miss from Nicolas Anelka prompted [.

Is Wigan defender Adrian Lopez the sorriest sight in Premier League history?

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Adriaaaaaaaan We'll say yes, he is. Wigan's Spanish defender Adrian Lopez had pretty daft hair at the start of yesterday's match again Norwich. But his bandage really set-off the bouffant look. Throw some Terry Butcher-esque blood into the equation and it is quite a striking appearance.


Video: Gervinho / Joey Barton red card incident (Newcastle v Arsenal)

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More trouble newbartonincident by arsenalist Never one to knowingly keep his head down, Joey Barton was in the thick of things in this evening's match between Newcastle and Arsenal. After Alex Song should have been dismissed for a stamp on Barton which the match officials missed, Barton decided to correct the unfair numerical parity by [.

‘Do Are Ya? Raul Meireles and his new mohican (Liverpool)

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Yes, he has hair OTP was severely misled by Raul Meireles' shaved head last season. The five o'clock shadow of his receding hairline seemed to suggest that it precluding the Liverpool man from doing anything this fancy. But the Portuguese midfielder has put his widow's peak to magnificent use over the summer to fashion it [.

Crazy Chris Kamara dance anthem to get you ready for the weekend

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Papa Bouba Diop with a header! Kola Nut Papa by KentPricks OTP is going all Radio One on you by unleashing this, erm, epic weekend dance anthem. Awesome! And why is OTP, your favourite humorous football blog, bringing you dance music? Purely and simply because the track in question Papa by Kola Nut [.

OTP Podcast Stoppage Time: Episode 1

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OTP's Pod goes video Not content with assaulting your ears every week, the Off The Post Podcast crew are now attacking the eyes with our new feature Stoppage Time. Crowbar-ing in a few extra minutes of content we couldn't squeeze into the audio show, Stoppage Time brings a bonus round of planet's favourite feature [.

Video: Portuguese pronunciation lessons with Cristiano Ronaldo

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Consentrao? Real Madrid star Cristiano Ronaldo has been doing his bit to prevent his mother tongue from being butchered. The Portuguese star pulled up a journalist for his significantly less than perfect attempt at discussing Real's new left-back Fabio Coentrão. After pointing out that the player in question is not called Consentrao, C-Ron struggles to [.

Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri out of Arsenal squad, Wenger expects them to stay

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No news is good news? Over the last few days, the internet has become increasingly flooded with Arsenal fans suggesting that manager Arsene Wenger is deluded and that he is losing the plot. So today's press conference from the Frenchman will hopefully iron out a few of those concerns... Wenger has left both Cesc Fabregas [.

The real reason Jose Enrique is leaving Newcastle for Liverpool

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Pard to bear "I keep looking at him and smiling, hoping he is going to stay. He smiles but hasn't signed a contract yet." Alan Pardew, Newcastle manager That's right, Newcastle's star left-back Jose Enrique has been scared all the way to Anfield by creepy Toon manager Alan Pardew. The sight of Pardew staring at [.

Video: Mario Balotelli interrupts Thiago Alcantara TV interview to tell him how great he is

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No, you're the greatest Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli has been up to some interesting antics yet again. While on international duty for Italy last night, he hijacked Spain midfielder Thiago Alcantara's interview with Spanish channel TVE to declare that the young midfielder is the greatest. With the director no doubt sweating about what would [.

Tottenham v Everton match called off by Premier League over riot concerns

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Riots hit the top-flight The Premier League opener between Tottenham and Everton has been postponed because of ongoing worries about rioting in London. The decision was announced by Premier League chief executive Richard Scudamore this morning (we're just surprised he didn't suggest the fixture be played in Malaysia).

Video: Mexico’s Omar Arellano poos himself on the pitch

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Dirty play USA v Mexico matches are serious business. They stop for nothing not even a toilet break. In what was Jurgen Klinsmann's first game in charge of the USA, Mexico winger Omar Arellano decided to, erm, mark the occasion in pretty disgusting fashion. The Guadalajara man had a bit of an unfortunate accident [.

Video: Paddy McCourt shows why he’s called the Derry Pele (Northern Ireland v Faroe Islands)

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Pat'll do Celtic winger Paddy McCourt was the star of the show as Northern Ireland beat the Faroe Islands 4-0 at Windsor Park to keep their Euro 2012 qualification hopes alive. McCourt scored two goals on his first competitive start for Nigel Worthington's side, but it was second of his brace that really (Mc)caught the [.

Sporting Gijon defender Javi Poves retires from ‘rotten’ football

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Javs and Jav nots Sporting Gijon's Javi Poves has quit football at the age of 24 saying the game is "rotten". The defender played in the third tier of Spanish football with Sporting's B team. But he has hung up his boots in a moral protest against the financial state of the sport. He told [...]


Wycombe Wanderers sign their barman as goalkeeper

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Ooooh... you fat bar steward League One side Wycombe Wanderers have handed a one-year contract to a barman at their stadium. Jason Mooney, aged 22, was pulling pints at the club's Adams Park ground before joining the playing staff on non-contract terms at the start of the summer. After impressing in pre-season he has now [.

Video: Diego Mardona begins playing for, erm, ‘managing’ Al Wasl

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Hands on gaffer Diego Maradona has taken up his new post as manager of Al Wasl and has taken his first training session. Did we say taken? We meant he has participated in his first training session. The Argentina legend donned a red bib to line-up in a training match alongside his new charges. You [.

OTP Podcast: Season Preview – Ruud Awakening

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Tick, tick, BOOM (birthplace of Romelu Kukaku) Season Preview: Ruud Awakening by Off The Post on Mixcloud Greetings! The Off The Post Podcast is back, by no popular demand whatsoever. We've completed our money-spinning tour of the Far East and raised the Pod's profile in the USA through a series of exhibition recordings across its [.

Betting markets to follow for the 2011/2012 football season

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Where to put your money Over the past few seasons football betting has changed. No longer do football bettors merely consider results like the home banker, the away win or the draw. Today there are a vast number of betting markets that used correctly can provide significant returns regardless of the outcome.

Colombia coach Hernan Dario Gomez resigns for (allegedly) hitting date who criticised tactics

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International coach has a domestic Colombia manager Hernan Dario Gomez (aka Bolillo) has quit his post after allegedly hitting a female companion who criticised his performance with the national team. Eyewitnesses claim the boozed up gaffer left a Bogota bar with a woman on Saturday night after reportedly downing half a bottle of liquor.

Video: Stan (Arsenal remix) – Kroenke’s secret letters to Arsenal Wenger

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Emi(rates)nem This hilarious video put together by Gunnerblog reworks Eminem's Stan with the role of the protagonist handed to mysterious Arsenal major shareholder Stan Kroenke. The publicity shy American's creeping takeover left many Gooners wondering precisely who now controls Arsenal. But those concerns have been overtaken by an increasing worry at the direction in which [.

Who Are Ya? Romelu Lukaku (Chelsea)

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Your whistle-stop guide to the latest Premier League arrivals Name: Romelu Lukaku Age: 18 Position: Striker Signed from: Anderlecht Fee: £20m Did you know? His dad Roger played for Zaire in the 1990s, taking part in the 1994 World Cup qualifiers and a couple of African Cup of Nations tournaments.


Top five best Premier League kits 2011/12

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1. Manchester City away Very nice, Citeh. A successful return to the reliable red-and-black stripes after a two-season break. And very classy it it too. 2. Liverpool third Narrowly beats the Liverpool away kit, which despite being rather nice and arguably the first football kit that could be successfully teamed up with a bowler hat, [.

Looters left severely disappointed in hunt for precious metals in London riots

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Covering all the bases Version of the story for non-Tottenham fans: Rioters in London were forced to flee empty-handed after one failed attempt at looting. A gang smashed its way into Tottenham Hotspur's office, but left moments later after being unable to locate any silverware worth taking. Version of the story for Tottenham fans: Rioters [.

OTP’s mildly humorous season preview 2011/12

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Watch all the biggest fixtures throughout the 2011/12 Premier League season on Sky Sports HD. ARSENAL Arsene Wenger's kids are now hitting their mid-20s and demanding moves elsewhere, so they can win trophies and stuff. With the Professor still sticking to his various principles on how football should be played, how much footballers are worth, [.

Video: Romelu Lukaku predicts his transfer to Chelsea during school field trip

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Dreaming? This amazing video shows (all but the formalities) new Chelsea signing Romelu Lukaku foreseeing his move to the club on a school visit to Stamford Bridge. The Belgian youngster visited the stadium during a field trip to London, and was visibly mesmerised by the ground. He proudly told a teacher who attempted to round [.

Top five Community Shield conclusions: Manchester United 3-2 Manchester City

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szólj hozzá: ManC 2-3 ManU All 1. For our first conclusion we couldn't do any better than a text doing the rounds: Blue Moon / You started singing too soon / You had a two goal headstart / But three were put past Joe Hart. 2. David De Gea hopefully treated Nani to a couple [...]


Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini gets the sack eyebrows

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The furrowed brow of doom No Premier League manager has ever been publicly sacked through the medium of eyebrows, but Manchester City boss Roberto Mancini came dangerously close to become the first yesterday. He got this ominous look after Manchester United turned around a 0-2 deficit to triumph 3-2 over City in the Community Shield.

Who Are Ya? Oriol Romeu (Chelsea)

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Your whistle-stop guide to the latest Premier League arrivals Name: Oriol Romeu Age: 19 Position: Midfielder Signed from: Barcelona Fee: £4.35m Did you know? Romeu is seen as the new Sergio Busquets, but since the current Sergio Busquets is only aged 23 he was surplus to requirements at the Camp Nou.

End of the dark times at the Stadium of Light?

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Sunderland set to gain a Brucey bonus? We live at a time in which constant improvements are deemed necessities. More reliable cars, faster computers, cheaper travel. And football, as with so many of our national traits, displays these demands palpably. After promotion we expect survival. After survival consolidation.

Wolves decide to Photoshop their team photo

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The Wanderers return Wolves have humorously Photoshopped their squad photo after three of their first-team players missed the photoshoot. David Edwards, Christophe Berra and Adlene Guedioura were all added to the photo afterwards, looking a bit like massive-headed Corinthian figures. The trio were each excused from the photocall due to a funeral, illness and injury, [.

Video: Stoke City progress in Europa League after late own goal

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One Shotton target szólj hozzá: Ha 0-1 Sto Who should we feel most sorry for after this: Hadjuk Split or Ryan Shotton? After a backs to the wall job in Croatia, Stoke City secured their progress in the Europa League with a late goal giving them a 0-2 aggregate win. At the time the goal [...]


Bet’s be ‘avin you: Football betting tips for the 6-7 August

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The wait is over Congratulations, my friends, for we have made it. It seemed a long journey at the end of May but by taking each small step we have achieved our goal. Domestic football is back. Always difficult to predict games at the beginning of the season (I know, I managed two minutes without [..

Top five worst new Premier League kits 2011/12

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OTP gives you a run down of some of the kits that will be assaulting your retinas on Match of the Day this season. 1. Newcastle United home As we have previously discussed, the new Newcastle shirt looks like one of those waistcoat and tie printed t-shirts that you could pick up from a super [...]


Video: MLS side Chivas USA spoof Old Spice advert

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Hello ladies Chivas USA midfielder Michael Lahoud has been drafted in to help the club shift more tickets by spoofing the cult/irritating Old Spice advert. No doubt you have seen the once hopelessly unfashionable deodorant makers' impressive attempts at rebranding on your TV screens. Now the MLS outfit has produced a hilarious homage to the [.

Video: Paul Scholes scores a trademark goal in his testimonial (Man Utd v New York Cosmos)

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He scores goals Paul Scholes bowed out of football in style last night with a trademark 25-yard piledriver in his testimonial match. Scholes' Manchester United side beat prospective MLS expansion side New York Cosmos 6-0, and the veteran midfielder unleashed a Paul Scholes special to start the rout. Full highlights of the match after the [.

Unlikeliest photo ever: Gary Neville tackling a Manchester United player

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Turncoat File under 'things you thought you'd never see'. Here is New York Cosmos defender Gary Neville challenging Fabio, of Manchester United, for the ball. When we heard Neville was lining up for the opposition in Paul Scholes' testimonial match, OTP predicted he would spend most of the match attempting to score own goals.

Video: Robbie Savage wears all 72 Football League club shirts (at the same time)

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Getting shirty Recently retired Derby midfielder (and massive OTP fan) Robbie Savage has helped to launch the new Football League season by donning all 72 shirts of the Championship, League One and League Two clubs at the same time. Giving us an insight into what he will probably look like after six months without professional [.

Video: Robbie Savage wears all 72 Football League club shirts (at the same time)

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Recently retired Derby midfielder (and massive OTP fan) Robbie Savage has helped to launch the new Football League season by donning all 72 shirts of the Championship, League One and League Two clubs at the same time. Giving us an insight into what he will probably look like after six months without professional football, Savage [.

Unlikeliest photo ever: Gary Neville tackling a Manchester United player

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Turncoat File under 'things you thought you'd never see'. Here is New York Cosmos defender Gary Neville challenging Fabio, of Manchester United, for the ball. When we heard Neville was lining up for the opposition in Paul Scholes' testimonial match, OTP predicted he would spend most of the match attempting to score own goals.

Video: Paul Scholes scores a trademark goal in his testimonial (Man Utd v New York Cosmos)

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He scores goals Paul Scholes bowed out of football in style last night with a trademark 25-yard piledriver in his testimonial match. Scholes' Manchester United side beat prospective MLS expansion side New York Cosmos 6-0, and the veteran midfielder unleashed a Paul Scholes special to start the rout. Full highlights of the match after the [.

Video: MLS side Chivas USA spoof Old Spice advert

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Hello ladies Chivas USA midfielder Michael Lahoud has been drafted in to help the club shift more tickets by spoofing the cult/irritating Old Spice advert. No doubt you have seen the once hopelessly unfashionable deodorant makers' impressive attempts at rebranding on your TV screens. Now the MLS outfit has produced a hilarious homage to the [.

Top five worst new Premier League kits 2011/12

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OTP gives you a run down of some of the kits that will be assaulting your retinas on Match of the Day this season. 1. Newcastle United home As we have previously discussed, the new Newcastle shirt looks like one of those waistcoat and tie printed t-shirts that you could pick up from a super [...]


Wolves decide to Photoshop their team photo

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The Wanderers return Wolves have humorously Photoshopped their squad photo after three of their first-team players missed the photoshoot. David Edwards, Christophe Berra and Adlene Guedioura were all added to the photo afterwards, looking a bit like massive-headed Corinthian figures. The trio were each excused from the photocall due to a funeral, illness and injury, [.

Video: Stoke City progress in Europa League after late own goal

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One Shotton target szólj hozzá: Ha 0-1 Sto Who should we feel most sorry for after this: Hadjuk Split or Ryan Shotton? After a backs to the wall job in Croatia, Stoke City secured their progress in the Europa League after a late goal gave them a 0-2 aggregate win. At the time the goal [...]


Bet’s be ‘avin you: Football betting tips for the 6-7 August

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The wait is over Congratulations, my friends, for we have made it. It seemed a long journey at the end of May but by taking each small step we have achieved our goal. Domestic football is back. Always difficult to predict games at the beginning of the season (I know, I managed two minutes without [..

End of the dark times at the Stadium of Light?

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Sunderland set to gain a Brucey bonus? We live at a time in which constant improvements are deemed necessities. More reliable cars, faster computers, cheaper travel. And football, as with so many of our national traits, displays these demands palpably. After promotion we expect survival. After survival consolidation.

Who Are Ya? Oriol Romeu (Chelsea)

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Your whistle-stop guide to the latest Premier League arrivals Name: Oriol Romeu Age: 19 Position: Midfielder Signed from: Barcelona Fee: £4.35m Did you know? Romeu is seen as the new Sergio Busquets, but since the current Sergio Busquets is only aged 23 he was surplus to requirements at the Camp Nou.

Video: Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson gives Daily Mail journalist the hairdryer treatment

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"You and your paper can f**k off!" Footage of Sir Alex Ferguson giving a journalist from the Daily Mail a piece of his mind during their US tour has come to light. Fergie picked a row with reporter Bob Cass over a piece he had written on the Wesley Sneijder transfer saga. In the article [...]


What’s the difference between Mario Balotelli and Cristiano Ronaldo?

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Pre-season: a time for demoralising those less talented than yourself Well, there are a few differences, OTP fans. But the one we are interested in today is that, unlike Balotelli, Cristiano Ronaldo pulls off his arrogant backheels against inferior opposition. The Real Madrid star rolled out a backheeled pass and a backheeled goal during his [.

Video: Icelandic women’s U17 keeper gives perhaps the worst goalkeeping performance ever

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What's the collective noun for howlers? In the days before YouTube it is safe to say that the Women's U17 World Cup was not subject to the same level of scrutiny as it is in the digital age we now inhabit. So we can assume that Iceland goalkeeper Arna Lind Kristinsdottir is wishing she lived [...]


Video: Icelandic women’s U17 keeper gives perhaps the worst goalkeeping performance ever

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What's the collective noun for howlers? In the days before YouTube it is safe to say that the Women's U17 World Cup was not subject to the same level of scrutiny as it is in the digital age we now inhabit. So we can assume that Iceland goalkeeper Arna Lind Kristinsdottir is wishing she lived [...]


Mike Ashley brings his transfer policy to Newcastle website

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Everything/Everyone must go Less than a month left until the transfer window closes and Mike Ashley is facing up to the prospect of not being able to sell Newcastle's best players again until January. So he is now using the club's website homepage to shift a few more first-team members before the end of August, [.

Video: Steven Whittaker sent-off for throwing ball at opponent (Malmo v Rangers)

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On yer head, son Rangers defender Steven Whittaker was sent-off for chucking the ball at a Malmo player as the nine-man Scottish champions crashed out of the Champions League. Ally McCoist's side still took the lead in the match after Whittaker's rush of blood to the head through Nikica Jelavic. They were reduced to nine-men [.

Massimo Ambrosini: ‘AC Milan are getting old, but we can still win the Champions League’

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AC Milan captain Massimo Ambrosini believes his club needs an injection of youth but their ageing squad is still capable of going all the way in Europe this season, he told OTP in an exclusive interview. Ambrosini lifted the Scudetto last season after leading the side to a first Serie A title since 2004.

Who’s buying Newcastle defender Danny Simpson’s new app?

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From glen to glen If, like OTP, you often find yourself thinking that the one thing missing in your life is a Mario-style app for your phone in which you take on the role of Newcastle United right-back Danny Simpson, then we have good news for you. Salvation is coming! The ex-Manchester United has begun [.

Who’s buying Newcastle defender Danny Simpson’s new app?

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From glen to glen If, like OTP, you often find yourself thinking that the one thing missing in your life is a Mario-style app for your phone in which you take on the role of Newcastle United right-back Danny Simpson, then we have good news for you. Salvation is coming! The ex-Manchester United has begun [.

The Premier League 2011/12 – How the season unfolds

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It's written in the stars... We are regularly told that the Premier League is the most unpredictable league in the world, but is that really true? Because through a weekend of watching golf on the sofa, I think I've got it nailed. P.S. It can't be biased if you have a go at everyone. August [...]


Video: The secret to beating Barcelona

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Sign a dolphin It turns out that when Real Madrid attempted to close the gap on rivals Barcelona, they splashed out on the wrong slick creature with a penchant for throwing himself around. While they broke the world transfer record by signing Cristiano Ronaldo, they should have been snapping up this Miami-based dolphin.

Did Chris Hughton go to Cardiff City interview with his West Ham PowerPoint presentation?

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Logo FAIL Rumours circulating among Cardiff City fans suggest that new Birmingham boss Chris Hughton was overlooked for their manager's job after giving a PowerPoint presentation featuring the logo of Championship rivals West Ham. The ex-Newcastle boss is said to have recycled the presentation he gave at his previous interview for the Hammers' job [.

Celtic striker Anthony Stokes’ family pub burnt down

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Stoking the flames A Dublin pub owned by the father of Celtic striker Anthony Stokes has been set ablaze following an armed robbery. The fire and reported robbery in which a member of staff at The Players Lounge was tied up is being investigated by Gardai. John Stokes' controversial pub was raided at [.

FC Twente’s Peter Wisgerhof does the least convincing dive of all time

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Delayed reaction FC Twente player Peter Wisgerhof announced himself as one of football's worst divers with this awful attempt in the Dutch equivalent of the Community Shield against Ajax. Wisgerhof joins the likes of Theo Walcott as players who tried their luck at simulation, only to find that they are not cut out for a [.

Didier Drogba, Paulo Ferreira, Petr Cech and Florent Malouda form the Chelsea club band

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Singing the Blues Not content with buying Fernando Torres, Chelsea have set about stealing another Liverpool legend by forming their own version of The Beatles. Fronted by the Blues' club chef, the Fab Five also features Didier Drogba on tambourine, Paulo Ferreira on percussion, Petr Cech on drums and Florent Malouda on bongos.

Bradley Barraclough earns contract at Lincoln City with YouTube video

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Bombastic YouTube videos work! Lincoln City have signed striker Bradley Barraclough on a one-year deal after being impressed by his YouTube highlights reel. The 22-year-old was invited for a trial on the basis of his video and has now signed a one-year deal at the club after backing up his online presence with a good [.

Video: Mario Balotelli slags off Manchester

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Mad Mario not a happy Manc It is becoming a grand tradition for Manchester City strikers to give interviews to TV programmes from their homeland in which they basically say there is nothing to do in Manchester. Hot on the heels of Carlos Tevez telling Argentine TV that he would not return to Manchester, not [.

Video: Japan’s answer to Dion Dublin scores cheeky goal

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He's behind you Cerezo Osaka goalkeeper Kim can take heart from the fact that a very similar incident didn't do Shay Given's harm in the long-term. In that incident, Dion Dublin's played the role of the sneaky striker intent on humiliating the goalkeeper. On this occasion, Kashima Antlers forward Yuzo Tashiro was the goalscorer/pantomime video.

Joey Barton released by Newcastle over Twitter outbursts

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Chased out of Toon Newcastle have given midfielder Joey Barton a free transfer over his repeated outbursts against the club's hierarchy on Twitter. The ex-Manchester City man had 12 months remaining on his current contract. Both parties had made it clear that Barton would not be signing a new deal at the club after contract [.

Fat Ronaldo: now available with captions

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Ronaldo's World Cup mood draw Poor old Fat Originaldo. He can't even before his dignitary duties without people poking fun at him. But if he was in need of a mid-World Cup snack we can recommend the Turkey or a bowl of Chile. Spotted on Pies


Video: Dynamo Dresden fan falls from stand

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Fan FAIL Dynamo Dresden caused a massive upset in the German Cup by knocking out Bayer Leverkusen. While that was undoubtedly cause for celebration, one Dresden fan woke up yesterday with a worse headache than most. The unfortunate supporter managed to clear the safety fence to fall from the stand and try to make an [.

Video: Dynamo Dresden fan falls from stand

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Fan FAIL Dynamo Dresden caused a massive upset in the German Cup by knocking out Bayer Leverkusen. While that was undoubtedly cause for celebration, one Dresden fan woke up yesterday with a worse headache than most. The unfortunate supporter managed to clear the safety fence to fall from the stand and try to make an [.

Sheffield United striker Ched Evans charged with rape

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Wales international in trouble Sheffield United and Wales forward Ched Evans has been charged with rape. The 22-year-old was arrested in relation to an incident in Rhyl on May 31. The striker, born in nearby St Asaph, will appear before Prestatyn magistrates on August 8. The player's legal representatives made a statement on the Blades' [.

Video: Thierry Henry rolls back the years against Arsenal

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Titi returns Arsenal arranged for a special visit from Thierry Henry yesterday to show Cesc Fabregas that if he moves to Barcelona he will probably be in the MLS within a couple of season. Gunners legend Henry faced his former club in the Emirates Cup. His new side New York Red Bulls beat Arsene Wenger's [.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic: duck keeper

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Zlat is quackers File this one under 'strange things your hear at AC Milan training sessions'. Apparently, Swedish striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic is a keen keeper of ducks. Whether the big man has a dream of living The Good Life-style sustainability by working the land and keeping animals or has simply begun keeping poultry in honour [.