Off the Post Archives for January 2010

GIF It: Iker Casillas and his magic horse lips

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Strange keeper antics Spain goalie Iker Casillas provided one of the comedy highlights of last night's victory over Portugal with his rather bizarre massive quivering lips.


Top five Premier League stars who haven’t let themselves down at the World Cup

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Six reputations that remain intact It has not been a great World Cup for the Premier League talent on display. The English-based players have generally looked tired, off the pace and out of sorts. Here's six players who have successfully flown the flag for the league. 1. Carlos Tevez The Manchester City striker has been one of [.

Video: Cristiano Ronaldo’s post-match spit towards camera

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World Cup's most despicable green since Robert Cristiano Ronaldo put the icing on a disappointing World Cup for him by seemingly spitting towards a TV camera as he left the pitch following Portugal's defeat to Spain. Although he didn't spit at the camera or cameraman, he did appear to make a point of staring down the camera [.

Adidas F50 Adizero is World Cup’s top goalscoring boot

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Adidas footwear best at dealing with Adidas Jabulani As we head towards the World Cup quarter-finals, it has emerged that the Adidas F50 Adizero is currently topping the scoring charts. The players might be battling it out for the Golden Boot, but meanwhile the boot manufacturers are desperate to prove their footwear has the golden touch.

Top five conclusions: Spain 1-0 Portugal

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1. Sometimes the good guys do win. Or at least the attacking, exciting, don't-want-10-behind-the-ball guys. 2. Barcelona will be delighted they signed David Villa before his value doubled after the tournament. 3. Cheating Spaniards, putting a tall striker on who can't be bullied. That is not allowed.

Top five conclusions: Paraguay 0-0 Japan (5-3 after penalties)

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1. We got to see the first penalty shootout of South Africa 2010. The price was watching the worst match of South Africa 2010 first. 2. Putting yourself in the shoes of a Paraguayan, it is hard to suggest that the ends didn't justify the means. A first ever World Cup quarter-final for them. 3. It has [.

Carlos Tevez comes out with unnecessary confession about his offside goal

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Carlitos 'fesses up Carlos Tevez has revealed that he knew he was offside when he scored Argentina's opening goal against Mexico on Sunday. The controversial goal - the second poor refereeing decision that day, if I remember correctly - caused Mexican outrage when it was replayed on the big screen in the stadium.

Chucho Benitez’s Premier League career in doubt after failing second English test

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Visa debit Ex-Birmingham loanee Chucho Benitez's hopes of a Premier League return have been dealt a blow after he failed his work permit English test for the second time. The Blues wanted to re-sign the Ecuadorian and West Ham were reportedly interested. Despite living and working in the country for a year, Benitez failed the required test [.

Give us your World Cup predictions

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Over halfway through - who's got your backing? The cop out answer of 'this could be England's year' is, alas, no longer applicable. With that in mind, we are eager to conduct a quick survey as to whose year you think it might be. So as we hurtle towards the quarter-finals we want to get your [...]


Top five conclusions: Brazil 3-0 Chile

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1. Brazil can polish off slick attacking sides as well as the ones that want to park the bus. 2. I hope the Chile camp convince Marcelo Bielsa to seek medical help before the set off home. He looked on the verge of a coronary. 3. I'm not sure the Brazilian tactic of two players standing behind [...]


Video: Germany coach Joachim Loew picks his nose and eats it

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50-year-old man engages in nursery activities Frank Lampard's effort was the only thing that definitely crossed the line yesterday. Germany coach Joachim Loew crossed the line of common decency by picking his nose and eating it on his bench. That's right: he dug one out in the dug out. Spotted on The Spoiler


Dan O’Connor’s World Cup travel diary, part two

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When OTP roving reporter Dan O'Connor found out the World Cup was coming to a new continent for the first time, he knew he had to witness it for himself. Unfortunately, he arrived in Asia eight years too late. And he went to the wrong part of Asia. But here is the first instalment of [...]


Top five conclusions: Holland 2-1 Slovakia

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1. A dull performance with little to report and Holland take their place in the quarter-finals. What wouldn't you give?! 2. You could have got pretty good odds on Robert Vittek being the joint-top scorer ahead of the quarter finals before the tournament started. 3. Arjen Robben successfully underlined what a luxury it is to be adding [.

Video: Steve McManaman’s Dr Evil-esque world population estimates

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Ex-England star attempts to over-populate the planet Steve McManaman was discussing the pressure of taking a kick in a penalty shootout on ESPN when he unwisely decided to introduce some figures he plucked from thin air into his argument. The former Liverpool and Real Madrid man warns that it is much more difficult to take a penalty [.

Marcel Desailly holds Jim Rosenthal’s hand, dances with him

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The most patriotic Ghanaian to shun his country gets over-friendly Marcel Desailly's work for ITV has undoubtedly been among the most entertaining broadcasts of the World Cup. You can usually rely on him to be extraordinarily happy and excited to the point of incomprehension when Ghana are around. But his efforts following Ghana's win over the USA [.

Top five conclusions: Argentina 3-1 Mexico

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1. Another match, another reason for video technology. Even the linesman wanted to change his decision after spotting a replay of Carlos Tevez's offside goal. 2. You can complain about Tevez's first, but not his second. Just an unstoppable strike. 3. Don't get too close to Gabriel Heinze with a camera.

Sepp Blatter uncovers evidence that Frank Lampard’s goal didn’t cross the line

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Who needs technology? It turns out the referee got his decision absolutely spot on earlier when he disallowed Frank Lampard's effort against Germany. Sorry we ever doubted you ref and Sepp.


GIF It: Gabriel Heinze attacks cameraman

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Take that, FIFA broadcast Uploaded with ImageShack.us Apart from Ricardo Osorio, whose howler let in Gonzalo Higuain, the fall guy of Argentina's second goal was the cameraman who ended up taking a couple of whacks from Gabriel Heinze. The cameraman was firstly headbutted by Heinze as he filmed the goal celebrations.

Top 10 conclusions: Germany 4-1 England

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1. That was absolutely atrocious. Venting your anger might help, but it was so poor that I'm struggling to find the enthusiasm to remind you all how bad it was. 2. A heartbreaking penalty shootout defeat would have been absolute heaven, it really would. 3. Surely Sepp Blatter must be sparked into life by embarrassment by Frank [.

Video: Emmanuel Eboue speaks Korean

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Ivory Coast star's comedy mind-games Premier League fans will already know that Arsenal's Emmanuel Eboue is as mad as a hatter. But he has been bringing his unique brand of humour to the world stage at the World Cup. The Ivory Coast man listened in while North Korea coach Kim Jong-hun passed instructions onto his players, nodding [.

Video: Can you spot the serving soldier in the South Korea team?

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He's not wearing combat gear That's right: Kim Jung Woo is currently part way through his national service. That's why he was obliged to salute during the national anthem before South Korea's loss to Uruguay yesterday.


Top five conclusions: USA 1-2 Ghana

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1. A fantastic result for Ghana and (sorry American readers) the tournament. Maintaining an African interest into the quarter-finals is a big bonus for the World Cup. 2. Good to see Ghana conceding a penalty instead of winning one for once. 3. Bob Bradley might have got a couple of selection decisions wrong, but I don't think [.

Top five conclusions: Uruguay 2-1 South Korea

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1. Until the last 10 minutes this was a tale of two curious goalkeeping decisions. Both teams openers came when the keeper came needlessly a-wandering. 2. But Luis Suarez's late curler was worthy of winning any game. Just beautiful. 3. England would not mind taking on someone like Brazil in those sort of conditions.

Top five conclusions: Spain 2-1 Chile

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1. It would have been really interesting to see how this would have finished if Chile had finished with 11 men. 2. Chile keeper Claudio Bravo provided a text book example of the phrase 'rush of blood to the head'. Chile were on top before he gifted David Villa a goal. 3. Referring back to a previous [.

Top five conclusions: Brazil 0-0 Portugal

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1. This game promised so much and delivered so little. 2. Jabulani exists in a parallel universe where Japan are the world's best free-kick takers in the world and the likes of Cristiano Ronaldo are clueless. 3. Since a draw was enough for both teams to go through, perhaps this result was always on the cards.

Top five conclusions: Denmark 1-3 Japan

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1. At last! A team that knows how to take free-kicks with the Jabulani. 2. Japan are obviously a much better team than people gave them credit for pre-tournament. 3. Jon Dahl Tomasson probably couldn't have picked a worse game in which to break Denmark's all-time goalscoring record. 4. It wouldn't be a surprise to see a [.

England to play in all red against Germany

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Potentially lucky kit gets another outing England and Germany will line-up in the same colours as in 1966 when they meet in their World Cup second round clash on Sunday. The all-red kit which saw England to victory against Slovenia, after two draws in white, will get another outing to test whether it truly is a lucky [.

Video: Nicklas Bendtner colours in his socks with a felt-tip pen

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Strange kit artistry Denmark striker Nicklas Bendtner was spotted colouring in the white section of his socks with a red felt-tip pen last night. If the bizarre artwork was supposed to bring some sort of luck then it failed miserably as his side crashed out following defeat to Japan. Spotted on 101GG


Algeria player Rafik Saifi hits female journalist

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Keeping the media in check Algeria vetern Rafik Saifi slapped a female journalist after his side's defeat to USA yesterday. The 36-year-old spotted reporter Asma Halimi, of Algerian newspaper Competition, as he walked through the interview zone after the match and hit her with an open hand in front of several witnesses.

Top five conclusions: Slovakia 3-2 Italy

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1. Playing in a World Cup final mustn't be that great: neither of the previous finalists seemed very bothered about it. 2. That was one of the most exciting matches of the tournament so far. End-to-end in the second half and it really could have gone either way. 3. There was something cruelly satisfying about watching Italy's [.

The Guardian World Cup coverage

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Video: John Terry and fickle England fans

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I hate that John Terry The talented Jack Hussey of In-ger-lund has created this video looking at the love-hate relationship between the average football fan and John Terry.


Entire USA squad doubtful for Ghana match with horrific pile-on injuries

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Has anyone seen squashed Landon Donovan? The USA left it late against Algeria before Landon Donovan grabbed the injury-time winner that took them through to the next round at Slovenia's expense. The squad celebrated the last-gasp goal in true playground style with a pile on. See the goal after the jump.

Beer is the secret to England’s success against Slovenia

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Booze, don't lose England's more relaxed playing style against Slovenia was down to a pre-match pint, according to Fabio Capello. The England coach relaxed his strict rules ahead of the match to allow his squad to have a beer the night before the match. The Italian was convinced to change his approach after England's tense opening two [.

Video: Jermain Defoe wants a bareknuckle fight with Sven-Goran Eriksson

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A close contest, no doubt England goalscoring hero Jermain Defoe has said he would like a bareknuckle brawl with former coach Sven-Goran Eriksson. The Tottenham striker was talking to James Corden's World Cup Live while taking part in a sparring session with the Gavin and Stacey star. When Corden suggest the punchbag was Sven on the day [.

Top five conclusions: Ghana 0-1 Germany

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1. Arguably the most jubilant celebration of a 0-1 defeat ever. 2. How refreshing that, in a game that could have seen either side go out, they both went flat-out for victory. 3. Mesut Ozil is a joy to watch. His goal was an outstanding strike. 4. Jerome got one over Kevin Prince in the battle of the [.

Top five conclusions: Slovenia 0-1 England

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1. We are through. That's the main thing. 2. Another startlingly accurate performance from the Wembley branch of the Italia 90 Re-enactment Society. 3. John Terry has definitely redeemed himself for his press conference catastrophe with some trademark brilliant defending and blocking. 4. This was a satisfying result in that it wasn't a scraped, undeserved 0-1 win, [.

Video: John Terry’s attempted diving defensive header

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Sheer class If England fans had been screaming out for more passion from the players following the dire 0-0 draw with Algeria, then the improvement in this department was neatly summed up by this ridiculous attempt at a clearance from John Terry. The ex-skipper, eager for personal redemption after blotting his copybook this week, attempted to clear [.

Video: Ayegbeni Yakubu achieves one of the worst misses of all time

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The word 'sitter' doesn't do it justice Nigeria striker Yakubu somehow missed an open goal from four yards with a side-footed shot during last night's 2-2 draw with South Korea. The miss was so bad that it would have been sickening wherever it happened, but given that Nigeria would have qualified for the second round in [.

Classic England v Slovenia: England 2-1 Slovenia, 2009

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That would do it Ahead of England's crunch match against Slovenia this afternoon, it is worth bearing in mind that these two sides met at Wembley less than a year ago. On that occasion it was England who emerged 2-1 winners. The game featured a bad dive from Wayne Rooney (for which he was rewarded with a [.

Video: Fabio Capello spouts nasty abuse towards England squad

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You are what now? Following his spat with John Terry, England boss Fabio Capello does not seem to have forgiven his squad. He used his latest press conference to hurl abuse at the players (and possibly himself).


Top five conclusions: Argentina 2-0 Greece

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1. Lionel Messi will probably be stalked to bed tonight by Sokratis Papastathopoulos. 2. Hopefully the Greek FA will realise now that Euro 2004 was a total fluke and that dour, defensive performances with 10 men behind the ball don't generally win tournaments. 3. Once again Diego Maradona's celebrations were probably the highlight of the match.

Video: Thierry Henry tries out his handball trick against South Africa

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Lightning doesn't strike twice for Tel France's short stint at the World Cup ended in the same fashion as their qualification campaign concluded: with a Thierry Henry handball. His attempt against South Africa didn't quite work out as well as the one against the Republic of Ireland. On this occasion Henry's basketball skills were spotted by the [.

Top five conclusions: France 1-2 South Africa

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1. 'It's the taking part that counts,' doesn't usually wash at top-level sport, but it was something of a relief that France turned up for this. 2. 'Vlad' Mphela just isn't as lethal as his name might suggest. South Africa had the chances to make Mexico sweat a bit more. 3. It seems Yoann Gourcuff really is [.

Video: France boss Raymond Domenech refuses to shake hands with South Africa’s Carlos Alberto Parreira

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Domenech offers the wagging finger of friendship Concerned that his squad has not come out of the World Cup looking petty and childish enough, France coach Raymond Domenech refused to shake hands with his South African counterpart Carlos Alberto Parreira at the end of the match which saw them both crash out of the tournament.

England show fear in the World Cup

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After Slovenia and the USA drew 2-2 earlier on in the day on Friday, what was needed from the England team that walked out onto the pitch at Cape Town was a display of confidence and a willingness to rise to the occasion. That simply did not happen. What we got was a woeful performance [...]


Lionel Messi discovers little-known band called Oasis during World Cup

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Argentina squad gutted to discover band's split Lionel Messi has broadened his musical horizons during the World Cup after finding out about an exciting new band called Oasis! And Messi and his team-mates have offered the Gallagher brothers a blank cheque to reform and play at a celebration party if Argentina win the World Cup.

Terry Butcher thinks Lionel Messi is better than Wayne Rooney

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Top five conclusions: Portugal 7-0 North Korea

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1. This one probably won't be getting broadcast in North Korea (unless they stick to long shots showing the team in red scoring lots of goals). 2. Talking of which, never mind national pride - I'm fearful for the white away kit as it goes to be washed. 3. Cristiano Ronaldo is flash even when he doesn't [.

Spain’s plan to avoid France meltdown

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Keep it zipped Spain coach Vicente Del Bosque has devised a cunning method to avoid any Nicolas Anelka-type outbursts from his squad. He trialled his new technique on defender Gerard Pique during last night's victory over Honduras. Expect this to be rolled out for the whole team for their final group game against Chile.

Top five conclusions: Spain 2-0 Honduras

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1. Spain probably aren't crap after all. 2. David Villa took the opportunity to show Barcelona fans what £35m of striker gets you. 3. Unfortunately, it apparently doesn't get you penalty-taking ability. 4. Gonzalo Higuain perhaps has Uri Geller-esque ability to make people miss penalties. 5. Gerard Pique is in the wars.

Kitman: North Korea show off their Communist pink kit

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Dye for the cause Given the drawn-out process to settle on North Korea's kit for the World Cup, you would think that they would want to look after it now they have got it. But apparently not. The Dear Leader may provide many good things but it would be difficult to mount a case that washing [...]


Video: Robert Green’s howler against USA gets edited out

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Airbrushing history Oh sweet video editing software, you can make all of the bad things disappear. Like Robert Green's disastrous goalkeeping clanger against the USA, for instance. All gone away with a few clicks of buttons and some digital trickery. Now that's more like it! Video via 101GG


World Cup Kitman: Holland t-shirts give you a very post-modern goal celebration

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Collect your yellow card with this orange t-shirt We like these. To the untrained eye it is just a run-of-the-mill Holland retro t-shirt. But burst into your Fabrizio Ravanelli celebration and you are instantly transformed into your favourite Oranje player mid-goal celebration. See more designs here.

Video: Second World War leaders give their World Cup team-talks

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Dead dictators and co share their tactics This spoof by Spitfire Ale mixes in some modern footballing cliches with some wartime rivalries to create a humorous World Cup advert. There's a variety of historical figures involved not all of whom history looks upon favourably.


Top five conclusions: Brazil 3-1 Ivory Coast

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1. If there is any justice FIFA will overturn Kaka's red card. And then call a press conference at which Kaka is allowed to elbow Abdelkader Keita in the head repeatedly until he sustains the injuries he feigned. 2. Luis Fabiano managing to weigh in with two goals which showcased both his football and volleyball skills.

Video: Patrice Evra’s training ground bust-up with coach as France go on strike

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What does farce descend into? Now you know we are not ones to stereotype here at OTP, but if you had to pick a World Cup squad that would fall-out over a heated debate which would esculate and eventually result in a strike you could probably a hazard a guess that the team involved was France. In [..

Top five conclusions: Italy 1-1 New Zealand

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1. Daniele De Rossi has the most sensitive shirt ever. 2. Italy know how to win World Cups and they seem to think two draws was the way to start off. So well done England - sorry we doubted you. 3. New Zealand must -and should - be absolutely delighted with their World Cup. It was difficult [...]


Top five conclusions: Slovakia 0-2 Paraguay

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1. Slovakia have been really poor in their two games. And they topped Slovenia's group in qualification. Nuff said. 2. Paraguay, like Chile, Uruguay and the South American teams that go without saying, are very watchable. 3. Wigan seem to have made a very good signing in Antolín Alcaraz. On the scoresheet against Italy and now [.

Top five conclusions: Cameroon 1-2 Denmark

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1. We can safely stand by our earlier conclusion that Cameroon are not Africa's great hope at this World Cup. 2. The awful defending, end-to-end football and exciting action was the perfect antidote to some of the drab games we have seen over the last couple of days. 3. It was a bittersweet afternoon for Christian Poulsen.

Top five conclusions: Ghana 1-1 Australia

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1. Australia can feel really hard done by. They would have won this match without the very harsh red card for Harry Kewell (the ref was chronic in general, by the way). 2. The World Cup goalkeepers ought to be ashamed that even Harry Kewell can get more of his body behind the ball than them. 3. [...]


Top five conclusions: Holland 1-0 Japan

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1. For a while these two looked like they were attempting to out-bore England and Algeria, but at least they mustered a goal between them. 2. And that goal featured some goalkeeping that Robert Green could be proud of. 3. Holland can be quietly pleased about their six points without Arjen Robben even leaving the comfort of [.

Calling all football super fans

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Dan O’Connor’s World Cup travel diary

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When OTP roving reporter Dan O'Connor found out the World Cup was coming to a new continent for the first time, he knew he had to witness it for himself. Unfortunately, he arrived in Asia eight years too late. And he went to the wrong part of Asia. But here is the first instalment of [...]


Video: Wayne Rooney’s blast at England fans

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Wazza gets angry with supporters Wayne Rooney vented his anger at booing England supporters as he left the pitch following last night's disappointing 0-0 draw with Algeria. Rooney and his England team-mates were booed off the pitch after the awful performance. But the Manchester United striker took exception to the treatment and said into a nearby camera: [.

Top five conclusions: England 0-0 Algeria

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1. It might not have been the worst result, but for lack of imagination, lack of creativity, lack of energy and lack of decent chances that was the worst England performance in a very long time. 2. That was not the birthday present that Fabio Capello would have wanted or expected. Sadly there's no gift receipt [.

Top five conclusions: Serbia 2-2 USA

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1. USA were robbed in the end. Absolutely nothing wrong with Maurice Edu's would-be last-gasp winner. 2. Great result for England though (depending on what Germany are planning on doing over the next few days). 3. Pah! Michael Bradley's only in the team because he is the coach's son... 4. Best goal so far from Valter Birsa?

Top five conclusions: Germany 0-1 Serbia

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1. Having been the only team to impress in the opening round of matches, Germany obviously decided they were doing things the other way round to everyone else. 2. Germany's strikers missing penalties: it could be a sign the end is nigh! 3. Loved Milan Jovanovic's disappearing man celebration. Don't think he realised the drop was quite [.

Video: What if ITV had broadcast the 1966 World Cup final?

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They think it's all over... It will be very interesting to hear the viewing figures for ITV HD's coverage of England v Algeria this evening. Perhaps a few people will be having second thoughts on their new technology. For anyone wavering, here is an amusing interpretation of the 1966 World Cup final as broadcast by ITV.

Pringoooals’- Fans’ goal celebrations

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France master looking old and disinterested

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French subs' vigorous warm-up routine France's squad didn't have to work hard to look like their didn't give a damn about last night's match given that Patrice Evra's tear was the closest anyone came to breaking into a sweat. Nonetheless, they truly have made it an artform. Stopping critics who say the squad is too old in [.

Who stole England’s Adidas Jabulani balls?

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Rob Green eliminated from our enquiries England missed the chance to practice with the controversial Adidas Jabulani World Cup match ball because a package delivered to Wembley was mysteriously lost. Adidas sent 25 balls to Wembley, which were signed for but then disappeared. England's squad lost a possibly vital three months of become accustomed with the ball's [.

Video: Patrice Evra crying during France national anthem

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The strange irony with this one was that after sobbing through the national anthem, France's players didn't really seem to care if they won the match or not. Captain Patrice Evra lacked the raw emotion of North Korea's Jong Tae Se. Video via 101GG.


South Africa’s World Cup warms up

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Sponsored post South Africa geared up for the first ever World Cup to be held in Africa and so far there's a lot of excitement with football fans from around the world. Bookmakers and online casino providers are also noticing a rise in activity among people interested in sportsbook betting on the tournament.

Top five conclusions: France 0-2 Mexico

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1. Ah, France humiliated by a team in green. Like little Latin leprechauns. That's karma, folks. 2. France have been so unbelievably poor in both games so far that going home after the group stage is exactly what they deserve. 3. I'm surprised Cuauhtémoc Blanco didn't call a taxi for that penalty run-up at his age.

Video: Diego Maradona thinks you think he’s gay

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I like women, I like women It is par for the course that Diego Maradona's press conferences descend into fits of giggles, but this was unusual even by his standard. A rather unusual question from an English journalist about Maradona's hugs and kisses with his Argentina squad doesn't translate very well into Spanish.

Top five conclusions: Argentina 4-1 South Korea

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1. If you had a bet on Gonzalo Higuain to win the golden boot you are looking pretty good at the moment. 2. It is reassuring that one of the big-guns other than Germany is eager to make an impression on the tournament. 3. It is equally reassuring that for all their attacking flair, Argentina look very [.

National pride and friendly rivalries

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Sponsored post Every summer, poker players and gamblers from all over the world converge on the Rio All-Suites Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, NV for the World Series of Poker. While this year is no different in regards to poker player turnout, the atmosphere is a bit different as World Cup fever has hit the [.

Top five conclusions: Nigeria 1-2 Greece

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1. Congratulations to Greece for winning their first World Cup match ever. I can't imagine a less deserving team though. 2. Nigeria's players will probably have plenty to say to Sani Kaita. It was pure stupidity that led to his sending off and stopped his side cruising to victory. 3. Well done to Chinedu Obasi.

Make your own Luis Suarez teddy bear

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Stuff ya! Come down to the Luis Suarez Teddy Bear Workshop and build your very own cuddly Suarez. Be sure to put the stuffing in properly as we have had instances of it overflowing through the mouth. Also, incorrectly stuffed bears are not very steady and may fall to the ground repeatedly. [..

Competition: What can you conclude after the first round of matches?

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Tell us your conclusions, win a t-shirt Hopefully you have been enjoying OTP's conclusions on the World Cup matches so far. Now you have seen all the teams in action we are throwing it over to you. Our friends at ShotDeadInTheHead have given us one of their fantastic t-shirts to give away to the author of the [.

Top five conclusions: South Africa 0-3 Uruguay

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1. The euphoria of hosting a World Cup can only carry you so far. South Africa were really poor tonight. 2. Diego Forlan is a better footballer than we thought. We knew he could score goals, but he completely bossed the game this evening and weighed in with a great strike and a penalty. 3. Luis Suarez's [.

Top five conclusions: Honduras 0-1 Chile

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1. 3-1-3-3 is where it is at! Attack is the best form of defence, after all. 2. Germany v Chile for the the final. The beautiful game will prevail! 3. The beautiful game doesn't always get you goals though - only a deflection off Jean Beausejour's midriff broke the deadlock. 4. Rodrigo Millar will definitely have to [.

Top five conclusions: Spain 0-1 Switzerland

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1. Football truly is a funny old game. I don't think any of us saw that one coming. 2. The greatest sporting competition on earth and the goal that defeats the favourites would have made most Sunday League goals look classy. 3. Spain's fitness issues look to have hit them hard. Too many players looking off the [.

Top five things to hate about the World Cup so far

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Don't get us wrong - we love the World Cup. But a little bit of critiquing won't do any harm 1. People who haven't got a clue about football talking about the World Cup It is nice that people who don't their Assou-Ekotto from their Eboue suddenly find football interesting for four weeks every four years, but [.

Video: Fan gets thrown over tier of stand at Brazil v North Korea

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Splat! Keep your eyes above the 'J' of Johannesburg to see a disgruntled man with a rucksack picking up a fan who is jumping up and down at the bottom of the stand and throwing him over the edge of the tier. We know the stewards are striking, but vigilante crowd control is a bit over the [...]


Merry Christmas 1993, love Dunga

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Brazil boss' unusual touchline fashion Brazil coach Dunga knew he had a special occasion to attend yesterday. Unfortunately he got confused and thought he was going Christmas shopping in 1993, not managing Brazil against North Korea in 2010.


Top five conclusions: Brazil 2-1 North Korea

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1. Insular communist states can produce a well-organised, effective football team. On the evidence of their match earlier, Portugal and Ivory Coast both have cause for concern. 2. Brazil look beatable, but their two goals were both moments of pure class. 3. Protractors are not issued to Brazilian full-backs at school.

Video: New Zealand keeper Mark Paston’s calamitous clearance

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Oops New Zealand goalie Mark Paston put in a performance that David James would have been proud of in his prime as his side managed a 1-1 draw with Slovakia. This near-disastrous sliced clearance was probably the pinnacle of his list of clangers and unusual decisions. Video via 101GG


Video: North Korea’s Jong Tae Se cries during national anthem

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Tears from Tae Se It turns out the 'People's Wayne Rooney', Jong Tae Se, is more like the People's Gazza. The North Korea striker was emotional wreck during the national anthems before his side's clash with Brazil. The 26-year-old could probably teach us a few things about pride at playing at the World Cup, but we [.

Top five conclusions: New Zealand 1-1 Slovakia

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1. Wow, New Zealand are so much better at football than Old Zealand. That was a great result to score their first ever World Cup point. 2. Keeper Mark Paston is laugh-a-minute dodgy goalkeeping at its best. Highly watchable. 3. Fair play to New Zealand for providing a bit of excitement lacking in so many of the [.

Top one conclusion: Ivory Coast 0-0 Portugal

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1. That was absolutely awful.


World Cup Name Translator: Martin Prickly Mountain

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Making sure you know your Thierry Henrys from your Terry Henrys What is a prickly mountain? We are not really sure, but it is definitely bigger than a spiky hill. It sounds like it would be pretty useful to plonk in front of your goal in any case. That's right, Martin Prickly Mountain is Maarten Stekelenburg.

England’s kit for Algeria match gets covered in sewage

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Sewer spill at England base If you thought England looked a bit poo against the USA, that is nothing compared to the forthcoming Algeria match. The Three Lions' kit had to be rewashed after a sewage pipe burst over the kit causing a bit of a stink. The kit was washed, ironed and neatly folded, and had [.

‘Do Are Ya? Rigobert Song

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Blonde bombshell As practical jokes go, whoever mocked up the invitation from Sepp Blatter to Rigobert Song claiming that the 2010 World Cup was Abel Xavier-themed fancy dress did pretty well. In fact, the veteran defender is supposed to look like the Indomitable Lion from Cameroon's crest, apparently.

How to keep Americans interested in the soccer World Cup

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What a day for Landon Hey, don't forget to check out the Lucky Charms Rainbow Tracker to see just how far Tim Howard's goal kick travelled.


Top five conclusions: Italy 1-1 Paraguay

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1. It is very reassuring to see the reigning world champions pick up an underwhelming 1-1 draw in their opening match. 2. Given some of the softer red cards so far in the World Cup, a few players can allow themselves to look at Cristian Riveros' unpunished studs up leg-breaker on Riccardo Montolivo and scratch their [.

Benoit Assou-Ekotto shows off his girly hair and crazy pants

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Spurs full-back's fashion statement(s) Cameroon defender Benoit Assou-Ekotto forgot that he wasn't a woman when he booked in for his hair appointment and accidentally order a high ponytail in a sort of bun. Realising his error, he promptly flashed his psychedelic pants to distract the photographers.

Top five conclusions: Holland 2-0 Denmark

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1. Contrasting fortunes for the Liverpool representatives. Dirk Kuyt and Daniel Agger both got themselves on the scoresheet, but both for Holland. 2. The first comedy own goal of the World Cup. A true landmark moment for OTP. 3. But Kuyt's hair was definitely the biggest own goal on display. 4. Eljero Elia is much less [.

Top five conclusions: Japan 1-0 Cameroon

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1. Perhaps Cameroon are not Africa's great World Cup hope after all. 2. Rangers fans no doubt enjoyed Paul Le Guen's outstanding tactical display. Good old nostalgia. 3. England's stuttering friendly performance against Japan might not have been as disappointing as we thought. 4. Thousands more empty seats: I hope Blatter and co are beginning to see [.

Video: Emmanuel Adebayor’s phone rings live on BBC

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No, I'm on TV mum Manchester City striker and BBC World Cup pundit Emmanuel Adebayor suffered on-air embarrassment when his phone rang as he was talking to Gary Lineker live on BBC1. The phone rang twice leaving the Togo international attempting to discreetly turn his phone to silent mode. Spotted on 101GG


‘Do Are Ya? Dirk Kuyt

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WANTED: Dirk Kuyt's sideburns We are not sure whether Holland's pre-World Cup camp involved lawnmower wrestling, but something peculiar has certainly happened to Dirk Kuyt's hair. The Liverpool striker seems to have let someone hack away around his ears for a very interesting look. It does draw attention from his face a bit, we suppose.

An explanation for why Diego Maradona picks Jonas Gutierrez at right-back

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He's only bloody scared of him If you had been baffled by the inclusion of Newcastle midfielder Jonas Gutierrez in Argentina's World Cup squad and then in their starting line-up as a defender then be baffled no more. It turns out Diego Maradona is petrified of the man they call Spiderman. The Argentina coach inadvertently let this [.

Cristiano Ronaldo compares his goalscoring to tomato ketchup

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Heinz Meanz Goalz Saucy Cristiano Ronaldo might be a Real Madrid player these days, but he's still a red at heart. The Portugal winger, without an international goal for 16 months, has compared finding the net to tomato ketchup. He said: "Goals, as a football legend once told me, are like ketchup. Sometimes, as much as [.

Barack Obama laughs at England’s misfortune

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US President enjoys David Beckham's distressed face Barack Obama took a break from his presidential duties to enjoy Robert Green's howler against the USA and particularly David Beckham turning into Mr Angry afterwards. It is Photoshopped, of course, before anyone starts hacking away at any oil pipelines.

Top five conclusions: Germany - Australia

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1. Best match of the World Cup so far and best team performance of the World Cup so far. That was a real masterclass at times. 2. Mesut Özil is not going to be playing for Werder Bremen next season. 3. I hope that Little Dracula referee doesn't get anywhere near an England match. I bet he [...]


Video: North Korea’s bizarre training routine

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Communist stuck in the mud While most teams at the World Cup are brushing up their tactics, working on set pieces and focusing their minds on the task in hand, North Korea appear to be ensuring that their playground games are up to scratch. But this rather unusual stuck in the mud/tunnel/worm game was not without its [.

Top five conclusions: Ghana 1-0 Serbia

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1. I wish we could conclude what was going through Zdravko Kuzmanovic's head when he conceded a late penalty, but we still have no idea what he was thinking. 2. Congratulations to Asamoah Gyan for breaking the record for the world's longest goal celebration. 3. The award for most appropriate World Cup benchwarmer goes to Neven Subotić.

Video: Algeria’s Abdelkader Ghezzal ridiculous handball and red card against Slovenia

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Hand of daft sod Abdelkader Ghezzal managed to pick up the fastest red card for a substitute for two bookable offences in World Cup history with this crazy attempt to control the ball with his hand. He had earlier become the third fastest substitute booking at a World Cup when he was yellow carded for shirt-pulling [.

Ghana fan’s rather interesting picnic

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Not quite as handy as a half-time pie FIFA don't need random drugs tests to detect this sort of pothead - you would have thought security might have seen him on the way into the ground! This disgruntled looking chap was cheering on Ghana against Serbia. Via @FootballRamble


Top five conclusions: Algeria 0-1 Slovenia

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Link: 1. Algeria are probably wishing Faouzi Chaouchi's suspension had not been overturned. Maybe he will deflect a bit of attention away from Robert Green. 2. That made France-Uruguay look like a nail-biting thriller. 3. Abdelkader Ghezzal is not Diego Maradona. His ridiculous handball was thoroughly deserving of his red card for being so stupid.

Video: John Travolta embarrasses himself and Australia squad

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You're the one that I want, roo, roo, roo John Travolta picked up the latest pay cheque from his financially rewarded but ultimately humiliating business relationship with Australian airline Qantas by flying in his plane to wish the Socceroos well ahead of their opening match against Germany. The Grease star did some rather strange dancing before delivering [.

‘Do Are Ya? Faouzi Chaouchi (Algeria)

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The Slim Shady of the Desert Foxes Hey! It's everybody's favourite referee-butting goalkeeper Faouzi Chaouchi. The Algerian is mainly sporting the balding, spiky, peroxide undercut look at the moment. It's lovely.


Video: ITV HD cut to advert, miss England goal

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ITV has been forced to apologise after a technical balls-up led to viewers of its HD channel misssing Steven Gerrard's opening goal during last night's 1-1 draw with USA. During the build up to England's first World Cup goal, the channel cut to an advert for Hyundai. Coverage returned to the match just in time to [.

Top five conclusions: England 1-1 USA

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1. From an editorial point of view, I have to include a clip of that goal but I won't be clicking it and would be quite happy to never see it again after all those replays last night. 2. After five minutes you had to wonder if this was really England in a major tournament. All [...]


Patrice Evra blames vuvuzelas for France’s 0-0 draw with Uruguay

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Man Utd left-back finds scapegoat Patrice Evra has become the first player to blame a poor World Cup performance on vuvuzelas. The left-back managed to pack two excuses as to why the droning trumpets were responsible for France's disappointed 0-0 draw with 10-man Uruguay into a short quote. He said: "We can't sleep at night because of [.

Useful tips for Robert Green from the advertising hoardings

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These are tears of laughter. Honest. Not even subliminal messaging from the advertising boards could help Robert Green to keep Clint Dempsey's speculative effort.


Top five conclusions: Argentina 1-0 Nigeria

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1. Another couple of performances like that and Vincent Enyeama will be playing Premier League football next season. 2. Diego Maradona: World Cup player, World Cup manager, and now World Cup ball boy. 3. The tournament's better teams, such as Spain and Brazil, must be slobbering at the prospect of facing Jonas Gutierrez at right-back.

World Cup Songs: #11 Three Shirts On My Line by Frank Sidebottom

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More World Cup tuneage Manchester comic Frank Sidebottom has launched his very own unofficial World Cup songs titled Three Shirts On My Line. It is a parody of a very well known World Cup anthem, but we will let you guess which one. The song is inspired by Frank's England shirt collection – home, away and goalie [.

Top five conclusions: South Korea 2-0 Greece

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1. Ji-Sung Park's suave new haircut has superpowers. 2. If Greece find themselves without a point at the end of the group stage they can always rely on a points bailout and borrow some from Germany. 3. Way too many empty seats. FIFA needs to reassess its pricing or at least increase the cheaper/freebie allocation for the [.

American striker Taylor Twellman gets bitchy about Greece on Twitter

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Revolution striker has dirty telly New England Revolution striker and one-time USA World Cup hopeful Taylor Twellman was seemingly unimpressed with Greece's performance in their opening World Cup match against South Korea. According to the American: "The Greeks just s**t all over my tv." Hopefully he is talking metaphorically and hasn't just got some very ill-mannered Mediterranean neighbours.

Classic England-USA: Baddiel and Skinner recreate Alexi Lalas’ goal, 1993

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Humiliating defeat number two When your are casting your mind back over England-USA games, it is the humiliating defeats that stick out. Like this one from 1993, when Alexi Lalas headed home the USA's second goal. David Baddiel and Frank Skinner met up with Lalas (before he went corporate) to relive the goal for Fantasy Football's Phoenix [.

England v USA - the meerkat version

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Just bizarre! With just hours to go until the England-USA match, a zoo in America has been playing its own meerkat version of the big game. Starring players including Jermain Defue, Jay DeMeerkat and (for some reason) Wayne 'fuzzy Wazza' Rooney the patriotic meerkats battled it out over a tasty meatball.

Top five conclusions: France 0-0 Uruguay

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1. You know it hasn't been a festival of football when the highlight of the first-half is the goalkeeping popping two balloons. Truly topped off by the slo-mo replay. 2. Given the circumstances of France's qualifications, Thierry Henry might have been well-advised to appeal for a handball. 3. At times like this you have to wonder how [.

Top five conclusions: South Africa 1-1 Mexico

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1. South Africa conceding is to paracetamol what South Africa scoring is to headache. 2. Cracking finish for the first goal of the tournament. Take a bow, Siphiwe Tshabalala. 3. Off The Post didn't have to wait long for its first mention of the tournament. Just ask Katlego Mphela. 4. Vuvuzelas creating faux bum notes during [.

World Cup Kitman: Chile home

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: Chile Maker: Brooks Prem personalisation: Gonzalo Jara. Verdict: Woohoo! We have finished on a high in Group H with a bit of variety. Brooks' most famous client was QPR. They currently have Sri Lanka on their books, but are mostly associated with running. It does look like a running shirt, but after the [.

Roll up, roll up for your free money

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It's World Cup time folks! If you fancy a bit of a flutter on the biggest tournament on the planet but you don't want to lose your hard-earned cash then we have the perfect deal with you. Betclic is offering a £20 free bet. So you can place your bet and Betclic will refund the £20 [...]


Classic England-USA: 1950

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USA 1-0 England England's World Cup defeat to USA at the 1950 World Cup in Brazil remains one of the biggest shocks in the national team's history. With Stanley Matthews rested, the Three Lions lost the match courtesy of a solitary Joe Gaetjens goal. Gaetjens was one of three USA players investigated after the tournament amid claims [.

Top 10 naughty World Cup names

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Schoolboy humour from South Africa 1. Hans Joerg Butt 2. Marc Planus 3. Waldo Ponce 4. Danny Shittu 5. Gaetan Bong 6. Habib Bellaid 7. Kagisho Dikgacoi 8. Shane Smeltz 9. Kum Il Kim 10. Nwankwo Kanu


The 11 greatest England World Cup anthems

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Sponsored post 11) We've Got The Whole World At Our Feet - England World Cup Squad (1986) Performed to the tune of He's Got The Whole World In His Hands and modified from Nottingham Forest's anthem for the 1980 European Cup Final, this is a quaint attempt at celebrating the World Cup with a well known tune [.

World Cup Kitman: Honduras home

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: Honduras Maker: Joma Prem personalisation: Maynor Figueroa, Wilson Palacios, Hendry Thomas. Verdict: I shouldn't like it, I know I shouldn't. And yet there is something strangely endearing about it. Perhaps it is the fact they are minnows, perhaps it is the relatively obscure kit manufactuer.

Mexico’s road to South Africa

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Sponsored post The past couple of years have not been smooth for Mexico, with three coaches passing through and more than sixty players representing the team. Recently, though Mexico have found a steadier hand in the influence of Javier Aguirre. The former Atletico Madrid coach has put together a balanced team of rising stars and established [.

Video: Billy Wingrove freestyles against HIV/AIDS

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Silky skills for a good cause var vaunit_unit_type=0; var vaunit_width=300; var vaunit_height=250; var vaunit_id=542; It's pretty damn cheesy, but since it is raising awareness of such an important cause we will let this slide without comment. Suffice to say, the irony of using viral marketing to combat HIV is not lost on us.

Video: Holland squad banned from Twitter over internet racism row

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When PES lands you in hot water It just isn't a major tournament without tension and division in the Holland camp. That's why Hamburg's Eljero Elia decided to allegedly insult Morrocans during a live internet video broadcast. Elia and Ryan Babel were filming themselves playing a Pro Evolution Soccer tournament against each other while streaming the thrilling [.

Spain’s road to South Africa

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Sponsored post Spain's performance in qualifying for the 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa was inarguably top notch. As well as winning every single one of their ten games, Spain came out as the European zone's second top scorers with twenty eight goals, and conceded only five. Having shown such a strong side during their qualifying [.

World Cup Kitman: Switzerland home

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: Switzerland Maker: Puma Prem personalisation: Philippe Senderos, Valon Behrami. Verdict: Credit the Swiss, they have managed to sneak a sponsor on their. For Credit Suisse, no less. Their position in Europe means they avoid the Africa-by-numbers efforts of some Puma kits, but it is not exactly imaginative.

Spurned Alexandre Pato formulates plan to deafen Brazil squad with vuvuzela

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Dropped striker plots vuvuzela attack Brazil striker Alexandre Pato, who did not make Dunga's 23-man squad, has revealed he will be watching his side play while brandishing football's most dangerous instrument. The AC Milan star said: "I've got my vuvuzela and I'm going to watch Brazil become world champions.

Video: Argentina smack balls at each other

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The madness of Maradona Tactical genius Diego Maradona has been teaching his Argentina players the pain of defeat this week. The losing team in a training ground match was forced to line-up on the goal-line while the winning side's firing squad pelted balls at their backsides. In crazy Diego's defence, he was among the losers in the [.

Video: England’s World Cup qualification, Lego style

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The Lego brick road to South Africa Lego recreates England's qualification for the World Cup in this reconstruction video using Lego animation. It is a nice little round-up, although Lego Wayne Rooney does look pure evil. We would also like to know the criteria for being allocated a yellow head!


Fabio Capello gets stack of motivational DVDs to help with his team talks

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DVD rental company gives Fab Cap some inspirational inspiration Fabio Capello has been sent a series of DVDs providing material for his team talks after a poll to find cinema's most inspirational speeches. DVD rental firm LOVEFiLM conducted the survey and has now shipped the top DVDs to England's base in Rustenburg.

Video: Jeff Stelling and Chris Kamara talk World Cup final fantasies

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Gillette Visa Soccer Saturday Jeff and Kammy talk about how they would spend a £20,000 World Cup final prize package. I'm sure Jeff's Countdown pay packet could cover most of these!


World Cup Kitman: Spain

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: Spain Maker: Adidas Prem personalisation: Pepe Reina, Cesc Fabregas, Fernando Torres. Verdict: Spain have ditched their traditional navy in favour of a more royal shade of blue, and we think it is better for it. The European Champions go into the World Cup in good style in one of the best kits at [.

Caption competition: what can you see?

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We've got a copy of 100 Hits Football Anthems to give away. Just come up with the best caption for this picture of England on safari Just leave your entry as a comment below. Remember to leave a real email address so we can contact you. We will pick the winner later today. You can find out [...]


Video: England squad go on safari

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Three Lions search for Big Five England took a break from training yesterday to take a safari trip. The squad visited the Pilanesburg Safari Park - a 40-minute drive from their Rustenburg base - to take in some of South Africa's wildlife. The players got a very close look at some elephants, rhino and zebra on their [.

Video: David Beckham gets told off for kicking the ball

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A love of kicking footballs: Becks' Achilles heel David Beckham got a ticking off at training as he disobeyed orders not to kick the ball. The ex-England skipper continually disobeyed orders from the squad's coaching staff and doctors as the temptation to ping the ball around a bit proved too great.

Video: Fabio Capello becomes lasagne art

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A bit saucy A young artist has given Fabio Capello a tasty makeover with a nod to his Italian heritage by painting his portrait on lasagne sheets in bolognese sauce. Just as long as he is not left with egg on his face by the end of the tournament.


Video: Tiger Woods not so good when he’s up against a goalkeeper

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You might think Tiger Woods would be well suited to a penalty shootout. Excellent sporting pedigree, great coordination skills and more than accustomed to taking decisive shots on his own with the world watching. But throw a goalkeeper into the equation and Tiger just can't hack it!


World Cup Kitman: Portugal home

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: Portugal Maker: Nike Prem personalisation: Paulo Ferreira, Deco, Ricardo Carvalho. Verdict: Nike eventually bowed to Cristiano Ronaldo's demand for more see-through mesh on the Portugal kit. Unfortunately for C-Ron it is exclusively on the chest area and backed by the red of the rest of the kit.

World Cup Kitman: Ivory Coast home

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: Ivory Coast Maker: Puma Prem personalisation: Didier Drogba, Salomon Kalou, Kolo Toure, Emmanuel Eboue, Aruna Dindane. Verdict: With a large number of white kits on display, the Ivory Coast kit supplies some much need colour, with just a slight risk of tusk wounds to the neck.

World Cup Kitman: North Korea

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: North Korea Maker: Legea Prem personalisation: Seriously? Verdict: You won't be surprised to know that this kit has more politics behind it than any other World Cup shirt. The tale goes roughly like this: proud communist state has deal with China Hongxing during qualifying; contract expires; communist state holds out for big-money offer [.

Hearing experts warn loudest instrument vuvuzela can damage hearing

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Ear we go, ear we go The noise from vuvuzela, the trumpets set to provide the soundtrack to the World Cup, could leave fans with permanent hearing damage, experts have warned. The Hear the World Foundation - formed by Swiss hearing products group Phonak to raise awareness about hearing loss - found the trumpets were louder [.

The World Cup, according to Britain’s casual Capellos

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Adam Hawes, founder of Schport - the free grass roots team sports website, used by hundreds of teams around the UK to make organising their teams much easier - give us the thoughts of the gaffers of run-of-the-mill Sunday league teams. We got in touch with a good bunch of the Saturday and Sunday league [.

Video: Brazil star Luis Fabiano takes an uppercut from kid mascot

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Nobody messes with my cheeks In the build-up to Brazil's comfortable 5-1 victory over Tanzania yesterday, striker Luis Fabiano was getting a bit over-familiar for his young mascot companion's liking. With Fabiano finding his cute little cheeks irresistible, the youngster spins on his heels to confront him.

Video highlights: Platinum Stars 0-3 England

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100 per cent record for England's build-up England played out another frustrating but ultimately successful World Cup warm-up match as they beat South African club side Platinum Stars. Goals from Jermain Defoe, Joe Cole and Wayne Rooney secured victory. More importantly England emerged without any further injuries with a crocked Rio Ferdinand watching from the sidelines.

World Cup Kitman: Brazil home

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: Brazil Maker: Nike Prem personalisation: Heurelho Gomes, Robinho. Verdict: Much like we mentioned about the Holland kit, the Brazil home shirt is one of those that it is virtually impossible to get wrong. That gold and green was made for summer tournaments and made for fans of all nationalities whose first-choice kit is [.

One in five football fans would miss birth of first child to watch England in World Cup final

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Sponsored post More than one in five football supporters would miss the birth of their first child so they could watch England play in the 2010 World Cup final, a study has found. The survey, conducted on behalf of online bookmaker PartyBets.com, attempted to find out the lengths that football supporters would be willing to go so [.

World Cup Name Translator: Fred National Insurance Stamps

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Making sure you know your Thierry Henrys from your Terry Henrys One member of the Italian squad will be delighted to be on his nation's payroll this summer if only to live up to his name. This goalie will be earning his state pension in style by picking up his namesake National Insurance contributions.

World Cup Kitman: Slovakia home kit

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: Slovakia Maker: Adidas Prem personalisation: Martin Skrtel, Miroslav Stoch, Vladimir Weiss. Verdict: We couldn't possibly suggest that Adidas felt they had bigger fish to fry, but this does look slightly like it was designed for a mid-1990s Sunday league side.

Heroes star James Kyson Lee shows off his unusual corner-taking technique

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Soccer Aid - aiding people who don't know how to play soccer The comedy highlight of Sunday's Soccer Aid clash between England and the Rest of the World was this rather strange corner form Heroes actor James Kyson Lee, which very much resembles a throw-in. Throughout training and his substitute appearance, the US star demonstrated a first [.

Video: Prince William and Steven Gerrard battle to out-dull each other

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Come in, Rustenburg. London calling If you have ever wondered whether Steven Gerrard would talk to the future king any differently than he talks to Tony Gubba we can now confirm that he wouldn't. In his role as president of the FA, Prince William took part in a conference call with the England squad.

World Cup Songs: #10 Shout by Dizzee Rascal and James Corden

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More World Cup tuneage Oh, hello - what's this? Simon Cowell has realised a major money-spinning event was about to pass him by. Finding a spare finger to shove into the World Cup pie, he has put together Dizzee Rascal and James Corden (never knowingly underexposed) to record a reworked version of Tears For Fears' song [.

World Cup Kitman: New Zealand home

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: New Zealand Maker: Nike Prem personalisation: Ryan Nelsen, Chris Wood. Verdict: If Australia's kit looked suited to the cricket pitch, their next door neighbours' shirts inevitably scream rugby. This new home kit was one of the last World Cup kits to be launched back in May.

World Cup Kitman: Paraguay home

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: Paraguay Maker: Adidas Prem personalisation: Paulo da Silva, Roque Santa Cruz. Verdict: Nice. Possibly my favourite Adidas kit thus far in World Cup Kitman. It's bold, catches the eye and screams South America. What more could you want from a South American kit?

World Cup Kitman: Italy home

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: Italy Maker: Puma Prem personalisation: They all ply their trade in Italia. Verdict: Meh. I could take it or leave it. Its cartoon superhero muscle markings are mildly humorous. Indeed, the kit is available in a double-the-price authentic version, for those who happen to have the physique of an Italian football, and beer [.

Rio Ferdinand’s rather unfortunately titled interview

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Ouch! Talk about setting yourself up for a fall: welcome to Rio Ferdinand's World Cup survival guide.


Competition: Win a St George’s cross Azora shower worth £387

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Competition time Off The Post is giving one lucky reader the chance to win a limited edition St George's cross Azora electric shower worth £387. Patriotic footy fans can support England in the shower this summer thanks to Mira Showers. The sleek, glass-fronted shower, which features the iconic St George's cross, has been created as a one-off [.

Brazil backed to win in latest World Cup betting odds

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Sponsored post It seems that the fact that all three World Cups held outside of Europe and South America have been won by Brazil hasn't been lost on World Cup punters who have been backing Dunga's men to be successful in the first tournament to be held in Africa. Brazil are the only nation to have won [.

Telegraph journalist Henry Winter comes under attack from baboons

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World Cup primate control Top footy journalist Henry Winter had his breakfast disturbed this morning when he found himself in the middle of a baboon gunfight. Keeping his Twitter followers updated with the latest twists, the Telegraph writer has given a blow-by-blow account of the battle. The first sign of trouble came at about 7.

Top five weird Rafa Benitez moments

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OTP looks back at the ex-Liverpool boss at his bizarre best 1. The facts rant 2. You need glasses referee 3. Dancing on stage 4. The referee was perfect 5. His novelty socks Farewell, Rafael. We'll miss the madness


Rio Ferdinand ruled out of World Cup. Will the curse of Nike hit James Milner next?

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Don't play to be remembered Nike's mock-Mount Rushmore advertisement seems to have struck again with Rio Ferdinand ruled out of the World Cup. If you thought Emile Heskey wasn't going to have much of an impact at the tournament, you were wrong. He has already made a big impact on his captain's knee which has left [.

North Korea striker only allowed to play in goals at World Cup

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Because admin errors happen in even the smoothest communist machine North Korea striker Kim Myong-Won will not be able to take part in the World Cup unless he is used as a goalkeeper, FIFA has said. The minnows decided to take a gamble with their squad by taking an extra striker rather than a third goalkeeper.

Rumour: Football’s worst kept secret to cease being a secret on Sunday

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Tabloid reportedly ready to go to town on World Cup star Apologies for the cryptic nature of this post, but I don't fancy going head-to-head with the very best lawyer a well-paid footballer can buy. Any of you who indulge even occasionally in football tittle-tattle will probably have heard the tale of the married, reportedly hotel-dwelling [.

Video: Jack Rodwell’s cheesy striptease launches new Everton away kit

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Pretty in pink We know Jack Rodwell isn't averse to getting his kit off, but this viral to launch Everton's new away kit is downright bizarre. Its hard to see how the Toffees thought the right way to reach their target demographic was to have a nervous looking Rodwell staring down a camera and ever-so slowly [.

World Cup Kitman: Cameroon home

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: Cameroon Maker: Puma Prem personalisation: Benoît Assou-Ekotto, Sébastien Bassong, Alexandre Song. Verdict: It's an African shirt. That inevitably means Puma and equally inevitably means literal visual representation of the team's nickname. As lions go, the one on the shoulder of this shirt looks pretty damn indomitable.

World Cup Kitman: Japan home

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: Japan Maker: Adidas Prem personalisation: Nothing doing. Verdict: Nothing particularly noteworthy from this kit-by-numbers from Adidas. We know from its test runs that it might cause the wearer to want to fire crosses past their own keeper. It also comes complete with a handy rice bowl-sized napkin included.

England squad travel to South Africa

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23 lions head to Rustenburg England's World Cup squad set off for South Africa last night. Their flight took off from Heathrow at 9pm. They will arrive in Johannesburg this morning before making their way to their World Cup base at Royal Bafokeng Sports Campus, in Rustenburg. The 23-man squad posed for the traditional pre-flight photos on [.

Video: Mark Schwarzer plays dead on TV

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Collapsing keeper Australia keeper Mark Schwarzer clearly not only has a good sense of humour but also bat-like ears. The Fulham man's comedy timing was impeccable as he pretended to collapse at the precise moment a Channel 10 News team was asking the Socceroos' doctor about the medical effects of playing at altitude.

Video: Wayne Rooney gets some help with his goal celebrations from James Corden

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Can I call you Wazza? Comedian James Corden has been helping Wayne Rooney to develop a new, iconic goal celebration ahead of the World Cup. The Gavin and Stacey star struggles to get the necessary enthusiasm from Rooney, before coaxing the England star out of his shell with a little routine of his own.

England manager Fabio Capello checks out air hostess

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You can take the boy out of Italy... All aboard the pervy plane. Destination: creepiness. With the world's media watching, Fabio Capello's attempts to have a sneaky look at an air hostess' backside did not go unnoticed. The England manager appeared fairly content with the appraisal.


Time to welcome Darren Bent back to Twitter

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Home, tweet home Darren Bent's on-off relationship with Twitter is back on. The Sunderland striker has been in and out of the social networking craze more often than he's been in and out of Fabio Capello's plans. We brought you the news back in February that Bent has become so enthralled with tweeting that he had to [.

World Cup Kitman: Denmark home

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: Denmark Maker: Adidas Prem personalisation: Thomas Sorensen, Daniel Agger, Nicklas Bendtner. Verdict: After the devastating news that Serbia had nicked their flag came the further blow that Adidas had fobbed them off with a design featuring a Pong convention.

World Cup Songs: #9 The England Fan by iKid

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More World Cup tuneage There are plenty of World Cup songs about this summer, but OTP is going to confidently predict that this is the only reworking of a Tears For Fears track by an eight-year-old child. His name is Luke, but he is going by the rather dubious moniker of iKid as he releases his song [.

Bar staff change their names to Wayne Rooney

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What's in a name? Workers at a pub in Manchester have had their name changed by deed poll to Wayne Rooney. There are now 10 Rooneys behind the bar at the Shakespeare Inn in Manchester city centre. Landlord Chris Hilditch has ensured he continues to keep his staff in check though - he has changed his name [.

Video: Australia fans don lucky pants to support Socceroos

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Y-fronts offer support If you thought World Cup advertising fever was getting a bit much in England just be grateful that John Barnes is only demanding you buy a Mars bar and not attempting to influence your choice of underwear. Australia fans are being steered towards these gold Game On pants.


World Cup Kitman: Holland home

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: Holland Maker: Nike Prem personalisation: John Heitinga, Nigel de Jong, Ryan Babel, Dirk Kuyt, Robin van Persie. Verdict: Nike had a pretty easy job with this one. The Holland home shirt is one of those football kits that is so iconic it is almost impossible to do badly.

Top five conclusions: England World Cup squad final 23 announced

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Who's off to South Africa, and who's not 1. Fabio is a fibber He claimed his opinion had not been swayed by the two warm-up games, but you would have to suspect that Theo Walcott's omission was very much based on that. 2. Leighton Baines will probably bite his tongue in future You have to wonder whether publicising the [.

Video: Nike’s Theo Walcott Mount Rushmore FAIL

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Don't play to be remembered A Nike advertising stunt has hit the skids thanks to Fabio Capello. A giant rock carving billboard featuring Theo Walcott has been placed alongside Wayne Rooney, James Milner and Rio Ferdinand on London's Cromwell Road. The words Play To Be Remembered are carved into the huge advert.

Watch the World Cup final with Jimmy Greaves

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World Cup Kitman: Ghana home

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: Ghana Maker: Puma Prem personalisation: Kevin-Prince Boateng, Richard Kingson, John Mensah, John Paintsil. Verdict:Ghana's kit is simple but effective. Puma's habit of hiding a symbol of the team's nickname on the shoulder works better for the Black Stars than some other teams.

World Cup Kitman: Serbia home

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This summer's hottest footy fashions Team: Serbia Maker: Nike Prem personalisation: Vladimir Stojkovic, Branislav Ivanovic, Nemanja Vidic, Zoran Tosic, Nenad Milijas. Verdict:We reckon Nike had planned to woo Denmark with this kit, but when they decided to go with Adidas instead it was foisted upon Serbia instead.

World Cup Songs: #8 Mr Capello by The Defenders

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More World Cup tuneage This track's claim to fame is that it is the first remotely produced World Cup song. Mr Capello was put together by a music producer from the north west, video production team from the north East and band from Yorkshire who had just one face-to-face meeting and put everything else together over [.

Top five conclusions: Japan 1-2 England

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1. If Fabio Capello's plan is to lift all expectations from England going into the tournament then he is a tactical genius. 2. Things are looking bad when your opponent's centre-backs are more clinical than your strikers. Three goals between them, while Rooney, Bent and Heskey left empty-handed. 3. You know it is a World Cup year [.

Top five ways England can ensure penalty shootout success

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Time for some revision, Frank Scientists reckon they have finally cracked the secret to taking a successful penalty kick. Research conducted by Lucozade Sport worked alongside football analysts Prozone suggests there are a number of things England's players can do to help conquer their penalty shootout curse.

Stuart Pearce gets some advice from Sleevey the tactically astute puppet

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"Try 4-2-3-1, Stu" Little known fact: Fabio Capello is a talented ventriloquist.