Off the Post Archives for January 2010

John Terry alleged to have had affair with Wayne Bridge’s girlfriend

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Court lifts ban on allegations of JT playing away An injunction banning reports that England and Chelsea captain John Terry had an affair with the ex-girlfriend of England team-mate Wayne Bridge has been lifted. Terry's lawyers managed to get the reports banned after a court hearing last Friday when he heard that a Sunday newspaper planned [.

Premier League Name Translator: #5 Albert Eagle

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Cutting through the exotic monikers of Premier League imports so you can judge the player, not the name This is arguably the most mistranslated name in Premier League. Waterline? Watercarrier? Watermelon? No, it is eagle-related. Either that or your ancestors used to live in the town of L'Aquila (which means The Eagle in any case).

Video: Algeria keeper Faouzi Chaouchi aims headbutt at referee

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The hidden pain of a stuttering penalty run-up The African Cup of Nations semi-final between Algeria and Egypt descended into a bit of a crazed farce last night, not least because Algeria keeper Faouzi Chaouchi aimed a headbutt at the referee, possibly making slight contact. Chaouchi received just a yellow card for the assault and had to [.

How the FA could really get one over on frivilous Rio Ferdinand

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Ban him again 1. Rio Ferdinand smacks someone in the face with his arm. 2. Rio Ferdinand banned for three matches. 3. Rio Ferdinand appeals against ban so he can face Manchester City in Carling Cup semi-final. 4. Rio Ferdinand smacks someone in the face with his arm. 5. Rio Ferdinand banned for extra match for frivolous appeal.

Manchester City fan left with two useless tattoos

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Citeh supporter who wishes he'd never gone for a Brazilian Manchester City fan Chris Atkinson has been stung not once, but twice by his club's transfer policy. Upon hearing the hype surrounding City's chase for Kaka, Chris wisely decided to get the player's name tattooed on his chest. Before the player had signed anything, naturally.

BBC Gossip Column develops its Poker Face

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Gaga ooh-la-la Manchester City are planning a poptastic transfer swoop, according to the BBC's Gossip Column. Apparently, they are making a bid for Fernando 'Lady' Gaga. Or is that Gago? Thanks to OTP reader Rob Rowland for the spot.


Premier League Name Translator: #4 Second Castle

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Cutting through the exotic monikers of Premier League imports so you can judge the player, not the name Our Name Translator produce so far has been taking pretty exciting sounding names and made them seem very plain. That can't be said of today's contribution. So if you had ever wondered what Mick McCarthy had in common [.

Craig Bellamy hit by a coin, very nearly knocked out by a bottle

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Other beer companies try to muscle in on Carling Cup Manchester City striker Craig Bellamy clutches his head after being hit by a coin while the invisible man pours beer into the wound. Or something like that. The Welshman was clearly in a bit of discomfort after being struck by a coin thrown by a Manchester United [.

Video: Archie Thompson celebrates by humping the corner flag

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That's how they do it Down Under Melbourne Victory striker Archie Thompson produced a very special celebration after scoring against Wellington Phoenix. WAGs are a little harder to come by in the A-League, so Thompson had to settle for a corner flag, which in fairness does bear a passing resemblance to Posh Spice.

Video: Man City boss Roberto Mancini quotes Oasis ahead of Carling Cup semi-final

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Citeh boss employs the tactics of the Gallagher brothers Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini has urged his players to heed the words of two of the club's most famous fans ahead of tonight's Carling Cup semi-final second leg against Manchester United. Eager to take the sting out of the grudge match, Mancini told the press: "Don't Look [.

Premier League Name Translator: #3 Joe Queen

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Cutting through the exotic monikers of Premier League imports so you can judge the player, not the name The latest overseas player to go through our Premier League Name Translator is a goalkeeper with a very regal or very camp name depending on your point of view. That's right, Pepe Reina is Joe Queen.

Scientists find that referees pick on tall players

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Peter Crouch arguably the most hard done by man in football People, who if I was writing for a tabloid newspaper I would be obliged to describe as 'boffins', have discovered that referees are heightist and frequently unfairly punish taller players. Researchers at Rotterdam School of Management found that in clashes in which it was not [.

Video: Owen Coyle delivers first evidence that Bolton are better than Burnley

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Coyle leads Trotters to victory against his old club Bolton emerged with a mere three points from last night's relegation six-pointer against Burnley as Owen Coyle secured victory against his former club. Le Chung Yong's first-half strike bounced off the crossbar and over the line, and there was no need for goal-line technology on this occasion.

Ex-Benfica striker Mats Magnusson entertains crowd at Haiti charity match… by being fat

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Chubby former pro has forgotten how to play football Former Benfica striker and Sweden international Mats Magnusson hung-up his boots in 1994 and it doesn't look like he has played much football since then. Actually, it doesn't look like he has left his sofa much since then. Magnusson returned to action for the Benfica v Zidane XI [.

Video: Harry Redknapp shows journalist his sarcastic side

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Spurs boss reflects on the prospect of a midweek trip to sunny Leeds Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp decides that a silly question deserves a silly answer when a journalist asks whether he had wanted an FA Cup replay against Leeds. In case your sarcasm detector isn't working, he didn't really want a replay.

Premier League Name Translator: #2 Paul Blacksmith

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Cutting through the exotic monikers of Premier League imports so you can judge the player, not the name A Portuguese full-back might sound like a luxurious commodity on your team-sheet, but would you have the same expectations of him if his name made him sound more at home over an anvil than overlapping the winger?

Sunderland target Salvador Cabañas shot in the head

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Paraguay striker attacked in Mexico City bar Club America striker Salvador Cabañas, a transfer window target for Steve Bruce's Sunderland, has been shot in the head in a bar in Mexico City. The Paraguay international has undergone seven hours of emergency surgery and is now in a critical but stable condition in intensive care.

Video: Egypt’s Ahmed Hassan scores phantom goal against Cameroon

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African Cup of Nations now marred by lack of goal-line technology The 2010 African Cup of Nations was never destined to go down as one of the great tournaments of all-time, but a dodgy phantom goal in a quarter-final match was the last thing it needed. Egypt were leading Cameroon 2-1 in extra time when Ahmed [.

Win a No.1 Fan all singing, all dancing footie fan

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Get your hands on a vocal football souvenir We have got four


Premier League Name Translator: #1 Charles Candle

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OTP's new feature cuts through the exotic monikers of Premier League imports to make sure you judge the player not the name Kicking off this feature is Arsenal's Mexican whizzkid who Arsene Wenger fought hard to sign and promptly sent out on loan to circumnavigate work permit issues. His time on the pitch is increasing but [.

Video: Louis Van Gaal celebration FAIL!

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Bayern boss takes a tumble Arjen Robben's winner for Bayern Munich against Werder Bremen was so good that coach Louis Van Gaal felt the need to run headfirst into the ground. Luckily they didn't add a fourth and the Dutchman didn't get the opportunity to inflict further self-harm. Spotted on 101GG


Kitman: Arsene Wenger stops Andrey Arshavin from playing in his hat

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Russian's fashion statement thwarted Yoink! Arsene Wenger wants all the post-match attention to be on his team selection and the subsequent humiliating defeat, not some silly Russian attacker taking to the pitch wearing his woolly hat.


Video: Robbie Savage relives getting smacked by the ball while commentating

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Derby team-mates help re-enact hilarious moment Remember Robbie Savage getting smacked in the face with the ball while commentating for Radio Five Live? Still laughing about it? Us too. Well, the Derby midfielder has been reliving the moment from the comfort of... a chair in the middle of a goal while his team-mates pelt him with shots!

Video: Cristiano Ronaldo sent-off for breaking opponent’s nose

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The flailing elbow of C-Ron Cristiano Ronaldo picked up the second red card of his fledgling Real Madrid career for elbowing an opponent in the face. Malaga's Patrick Mtiliga was left with a broken nose after the incident. Fortunately for Ronaldo, he had already secured all the points with his two goal, including a strike from 20 [.

Top 10 conclusions weekend 23-24 January

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1. If Arsene Wenger thought playing a pensionable central defensive partnership would provide the experience to deal with Rory Delap's long-throw, he thought wrong. 2. 2010 is turning out to be the FA Cup year of Jermaine Beckford. More fantastic entertainment from Leeds. 3. Having said that, since the Premier League's elite seem content to capitulate at [.

BBC award Leeds victory over Spurs

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League One outfit secure points victory Leeds are through to the quarter-finals of the FA Cup after the BBC handed them victory over Spurs. Like most viewers watching the match, OTP thought that Jermaine Beckford's late penalty was an equaliser but it is now being lauded as the "matchwinner". Spotted on A Football Report [.

Who’s going to win: Arsenal or Stoke?

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FA Cup fourth round tie preview


Cricket fans advise England supporters planning on going to the World Cup

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Barmy Army turn out to be the Bleeding Obvious Army England's travelling mob of cricket supporters, the Barmy Army, have teamed up with the Foreign Office to offer tips to footy fans planning to make the trip to South Africa this summer. The Barmy Army have been following England's cricketers on their tour of the country, [.

I hate football!

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The angry rant of a mildly disgruntled QPR fan This hilarious, if worryingly accurate, rant on the state of football is doing the rounds (thanks to Russ Anderson for sending it our way) after being posted on an internet forum by a QPR fan. He rants: "I take more pleasure in seeing Chelsea lose than I do [.

Arsenal go top of the league after Bolton comeback

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Gunners survive Trotters scare Arsenal came from two goals down to win 4-2 against Bolton and move top of the Premier League. Owen Coyle's side took an early lead through Gary Cahill's goal and a Matt Taylor penalty. Tomas Rosicky put the Gunners back in contention just before half-time, before Cesc Fabregas scored a controversial equaliser.

Have Manchester United banned their players from Twitter?

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Red Devils are not social Manchester United has announced that none of its players are currently using social networking sites amid rumours of an enforced Twitter ban. A news story on the club's official website claimed that no United player is an active social networker. The statement said: "The club wishes to make it clear that no [.

Carlos Tevez claims ear-cupping not aimed at Fergie

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Blame it on the puppet Carlos Tevez claims his ear-cupping celebration of his second goal against Manchester United in front of Sir Alex Ferguson was actually a tribute to a television puppet. The Manchester City striker has rejected accusations that he was baiting the United boss over his refusal to sign Tevez on a permanent deal.

Robinho receives subtle subliminal message from Manchester City ground staff

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A plea to lazy forward One of those moments when a photographer spots an opportunity to hit the jackpot. Spotted in the Daily Mail.


Kitman: Shay Given struggles to pull of that Roberto Mancini look

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Everybody want to look like City boss Manchester City keeper Shay Given gives his own Donegal twist to the Roberto Mancini scarf craze that is sweeping the blue half of Manchester.


Video: Arjen Robben’s training ground scuffle with Philipp Lahm

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Clash of the slight 'uns Bayern Munich winger Arjen Robben had a spot of handbags with team-mate Philipp Lahm after the Germany international tried to return him to his natural habitat of the treatment room. Lahm's crunching tackle did not best please the delicate Dutchman, who dished out a couple of brutal pushes and a shrug [.

PE teacher breaks record for longest throw-in

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Can we have our ball back, sir? A PE teacher from Yorkshire has set a new world record for the longest football throw-in. Danny Brooks, aged 28, launched the ball 49.78m with his gymnastic flip-throw. Explaining how he discovered his talent, Danny said: "A friend asked me ifdI coulf show him how to do a headstand.

Video: Carlos Tevez’s goals and ‘respectful’ celebrations against Manchester United

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R.E.S.P.E.C.T - find out what it mean to Tev Carlos Tevez returned to haunt Manchester United with two goals for Manchester City in the big Carling Cup semi-final derby. No over to Carlos to talk you through this video: "It's normal for me to celebrate a goal, but if I score I will do so with respect [.

The Renegade Ref

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Video: Grieving Peter Lovenkrands scores emotional equaliser for Newcastle

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Newcastle striker dedicates West Brom goal to his dad Peter Lovenkrands scored a goal against West Brom to maintain Newcastle's unbeaten home record in the Championship - just three days after his father died. The Danish striker had originally planned to stay away from St James' Park last night to be with his family.

Robbie Savage gets smacked by a ball while commentating

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Carlos Cuellar dishes out a healthy dose of karma Derby midfielder and all round irritating so-and-so Robbie Savage was hit in the face with a ball while commentating on Aston Villa's game at home to West Ham. Co-commentator John Murray has about as much concern and compassion as BBC Radio Five Live's average listener (that's zilch, [.

Liverpool manage to pick themselves back up

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A cartoon-accompanied gag Liverpool players took time out from training yesterday to pay a visit to Alder Hey Children's Hospital. "It's just nice to be able to put a smile on the faces of those less fortunate than ourselves who are facing an uncertain future at the moment" said James Wilson, aged nine, from Kirby.

Hard Tackle: Cesc Fabregas and Matt Taylor

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Hot action from the Reebok Premier League penalty box action or gay p0rn for the visually impaired? Only Match of the Day commentator Simon Brotherton can truly answer that question.


Newry City v Larne Irish Cup tie abandoned after violence

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Cup match called off when teams get fighty The Irish Cup clash (literally) between Newry City and Larne was abandoned on 82 minutes after a mass brawl involving players, substitutes and coaching staff broke out. Two Larne players and manager Paul Millar had been sent-off when the trouble flared up with Newry leading 2-1 up.

David Moyes’ nasty programme notes have the desired effect

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Man City leave Goodison Park with no class AND no points Everton boss David Moyes used his programme notes for Saturday's game against Manchester City to take a pop at his opponents over last year's pursuit of Joleon Lescott. He said: "There is no doubt that Manchester City Football Club treated us with little respect and [.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 16-17 January

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1. Liverpool fans can be reassured by the vast improvement from defeat against Reading to drawing at Stoke. 2. And they can be pleased that all the other candidates for fourth place decided to quit winning too. 3. Roberto Mancini can ditch the scarf now. Its luck has obviously run out. 4. Hmm... were Chelsea in Seventh [.

Match magazine’s Togo balls-up

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Footy weekly's obsession with death comes back to bite it The image above is a screenshot of Match magazine's website. As you can see, it make innocent but unfortunately frequent references to Togo being in the group of death at the African Cup of Nations. (If you don't know why they are unfortunate: 1) where have [.

Video: Marouane Fellaini owns Craig Bellamy

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Bellamy in not cockiest player in five-metre radius shocker OTP readers, please open your How To Play Football handbooks and turn to page 2. And I quote: "The best form of defence is 360° spins around your opponent." This could have looked very stupid if it hadn't have worked, but it did work and, as a consequence, [.

Cristiano Ronaldo strips for Emporio Armani

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CR9 goes modelling Having followed his footsteps from Manchester United to Real Madrid, Cristiano Ronaldo is now copying David Beckham by getting his kit off to model Emporio Armani undies. For someone who previously thought Calvin Klein was the pinnacle of underwear, this represents another change of loyalties for C-Ron.

Cocky Liverpool advertised FA Cup fourth round tickets before Reading defeat

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Even the Reds' marketing team are out-of-form Liverpool sent emails to their supporters advertising tickets for a fourth round tie against Burnley before they had replayed their third round tie against Reading. The email was sent out at 5pm on Wednesday, just hours before the humiliating defeat against the Royals.

Video: Ref Phil Dowd tells Philipp Degen: ‘Not on my watch’

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And people think refs are pompous prats for some reason... You thought you could dive on Phil Dowd's watch? Nobody dives on Phil Dowd's watch, fool. Book 'em, Dowdo - or something like that. Dowd seemingly took great pleasure in booking Liverpool's Philipp Degen for misspelling his first name during last night's FA Cup defeat to Reading.

Liverpool sign Maxi Rodriguez to do this for them

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Take it to the Maxi


Brian Laws’ most significant contribution to management before joining Burnley

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Are Clarets on a (chicken) wing and a prayer? Appointing an unproven in the Premier League, recently-sacked manager was always going to be an iffy decision for Burnley to make as they strive for top-flight survival. But the fact that they chose Brian Laws as the man for the hot seat makes it even more controversial.

Got a Liverpool season ticket?

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Sound advice from the Coen Brothers There goes the last hope of any silverware this season for Liverpool fans. It's January. Is a whip-round for Rafa's compensation package in order?


Emmanuel Adebayor claims confusion led to him wearing Arsenal shirt

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Baggage-less Man City striker borrowed Gunners top Emmanuel Adebayor caused quite a stir yesterday after giving an interview about his ordeal in the Togo gun attack wearing an Arsenal polo shirt. The Manchester City star has now explained his controversial choice of fashion by claiming he is still in a state of confusion after his ordeal.

Hard Tackle: Andrey Arshavin - the Vinnie Jones years

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Arsenal star's squeezy past Andrey Arshavin is probably not destined to go down in history as one of football's all-time greatest hardmen, but here he is showing he is not averse to a hard man as he gives an opponent a Vinnie Jones handshake back in his days in Mother Russia. Thanks to OTP reader Hollis for [.

Emmanuel Adebayor wears an Arsenal shirt in interview

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Traumatised Man City striker forgets who he plays for? In the wake of the horrific gun attack on the Togo national team, Emmanuel Adebayor has given an interview to Sky Sports News recalling his experience - while wearing an Arsenal polo shirt. The Manchester City striker - who got himself into hot water for running the full [.

Video: Howler from Benin keeper Yoann Djidonou

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Mozambique benefit from generous goalkeeping Benin goalie Yoann Djidonou had already blown his side's two-goal cushion over Mozambique by getting nowhere near a corner when this happened. The keeper charged out of his area to blast the ball into touch only to find the multi-ball system had turned his decision into a balls-up.

Kitman: Get your World Cup body armour in your national colours!

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Because all the best parties require knife-proof vests If you are heading to the World Cup this summer, then don't forget to put your order in for Protektorvest personalised body armour. The company is proudly selling its range of World Cup-themed stab vests starting at $69.95. And you can add your country's flag to the front [.

Sol Campbell set for Arsenal return

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Leaky Arsenal official website breaks news Sol Campbell is on the verge of sealing a deal with Arsenal - but the club's website has jumped the gun by accidentally announcing the signing. A news story on the Gunners' website said: "Sol Campbell is back at Arsenal. The 35-year-old has re-signed for the Club he graced for five [.

West Ham 1 Weatherman 0

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Hammers match against Wolves should not have been called off West Ham's game against Wolves last weekend was wrongly called after an incorrect weather forecast. The match was postponed on Saturday when more snow was predicted for Sunday. But the snow did not arrive and the area around Upton Park was virtually clear of snow and [.

Proof that all Thierry Henry’s Arsenal training paid off for France

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Arsene Wenger reveals his handball drills Republic of Ireland fans can allow themselves a wry smile after Arsene Wenger revealed that he trains his players to handle the ball. The Arsenal boss was speaking after Saturday's match against Everton when midfielder Denilson did his best dying swan impression while in possession.

Video: Angola’s Gilberto tries to kiss the referee

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One way to get in the official's good books What's going on here? We are not quite sure. If it is a joke, then the referee doesn't seem to be in on it. Nonetheless Gilberto seems to be enjoying himself. Spotted on 101GG


Drunk Leroy Lita given £80 fine

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Boro striker in trouble with the Old Bill... again Former England under-21 international Leroy Lita was handed an £80 fixed penalty notice after being arrested for being drunk and disorderly. The Middlesbrough striker, aged 25, was taken to a police station after getting into an altercation with uniformed officers on a night out in Newcastle.

Who’s going to get relegated from the Premier League?

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Stupid punter loses £4,000 trying to win £44

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Angola teach daft gambler the dangers of odds-on betting A gambler has told an internet forum how he lost more than £4,000 backing Angola to win their African Cup of Nations opener against Mali when they were holding a 4-0 lead. The crazy fool, who calls himself Big Matt on the FM-View forum, claims to have [.

Arsenal do their best to boost the Manchester economy

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A word from their sponsor... Emirates might like to consider that just because people who live near Heathrow travel to watch Manchester United, it doesn't mean people who live near Manchester Airport will be looking at Arsenal's advertising hoardings!


Don’t take advantage of your dog or talk to pretty girls! Ian Holloway is on to you

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Tangerines boss knows how to spot fitness cheats Blackpool manager Ian Holloway has warned any of his players thinking of shirking their fitness programmes that he knows every trick in the book. With snow wiping out a lot of Ollie's training sessions, he has told his players to make sure they keep up their fitness levels.

Frank Leboeuf to tread the boards as a bank robber

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Even World Cup winners need new challenges Ex-Chelsea defender Frank Leboeuf has got a new career as an actor. The former France international is set to take to the stage in a tour of the French production L'Intrus (The Intruder). Leboeuf plays Luc Gerbier, a career villain who shoots a policeman during a bungled bank raid and [.

David Beckham strips to his pants on the pitch

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AC Milan fans get the Armani ad live-show AC Milan are certainly getting their money's-worth out of David Beckham. Just his second match for the club and he is already performing an on-pitch striptease. Away from the underwear department, it was another fine display from Becks as he grabbed an assist in a 3-0 win over Juventus.

Top six conclusions Premier League weekend 9-10 January

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1. Snow makes it harder to reach conclusions. 2. Perhaps the African Cup of Nations won't be so difficult for Chelsea if they sit out the snow and wait for Manchester United and Arsenal to drop points. 3. Sometimes not even six minutes of Fergie injury time is enough. 4. There is no greater exponent of the [.

Tom Hicks Jnr’s sweary email to Liverpool fan

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Liverpool owners do their best to get fans back onside The son of Liverpool owner Tom Hicks has become further embroiled in his father's dispute with Liverpool supporters after sending an abusive email to a Liverpool fan. Tom Hicks Jnr sent the foul-mouthed response to a supporter who forwarded an article questioning the actions of the [.

Jamie Carragher doesn’t know how old his son is

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But he knows he wants to take him to Wembley Liverpool defender Jamie Carragher managed to turn a simple interview with FIFA's website into a family row after forgetting his son's age. Carra was saying how much he would love to play at Wembley and take his son along when he decided to mention his son's [.

Emmanuel Adebayor’s Togo team bus hit by gunfire, two players injured

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City striker involved in nasty incident on international duty The Togo national team's bus has been attacked by gunmen, injuring two players. The coach was carrying Manchester City's Emmanuel Adebayor, but the identity of the injured players is not yet known. There are reports that the injuries are serious.

The good people of Estonia would like to know why so many football matches are cancelled this weekend

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We're guessing there's no word for postponement in Estonian The vast majority of this weekend's fixtures were called off as early as yesterday. Depending on your viewpoint this video either shows precisely why they have been postponed or indicates that footballers are too soft in this country. The footage is from last year's friendly between Estonia and [.

Do Are Ya? Boca Juniors youngsters get bullied by senior squad

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Ah, the inverted monk and the X marks the spot Young footballers are always wondering whether or not they will make the grade, but youth players from Argentine outfit Boca Juniors know they are on the right track when they get a Grade 1 from the first-team squad. Apparently, this pretty visible form of bullying is [.

OTP Rebounds: Dribbling Indonesian pitch invaders, Pompey transfer inconsistencies, and howdy Landy

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Meanwhile, elsewhere in cyberspace An Indonesian pitch invader goes an a mazy dribble to show his national team how it's done. Love how it seems to be the Oman keeper's highlight of the match, nay his career. [101GG] Portsmouth don't need to sell any players [BBC] Except the whole squad [Daily Star] Landon Donovan follows Becks to Europe.

Patrick Vieira arrives at Manchester City… LET’S PLAY DARTS!

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Pat 'The Dog' Vieira We know Patrick Vieira might be carrying a few more pounds than in his Arsenal heyday, but the BBC's coverage of his possible move to Manchester City is a bit excessive. Thanks to OTP reader Tom Commins for the spot.


Scott Carson finds a snowman in his car

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West Brom keeper gets a frosty reception from his passenger Ah, the high jinx and japes of life as a professional footballer. West Brom keeper Scott Carson finished training to find a snowman in the passenger seat of his car. Sky Sports News conducted a full investigation into the incident while breaking the world record for [.

Nouveau cliche: “A free-kick in David Beckham territory.”

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Becks has quite a lot of territory To celebrate David Beckham's return from blackhole MLS, we are continuing our Nouveau cliche feature with a suggestion from OTP reader Dave Macbeth. His most irritating new football cliche is 'David Beckham territory'. As far as he can tell, the average commentator believes Beckham territory (also known as the [.

Football Lookalikes: Mark Clattenburg and Bear Grylls

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Man who beats nature looks like man who beats baldness Premier League referee Mark Clattenburg is so passionate about his post-football career as a Bear Grylls impersonator that he had a hair transplant just to maintain the resemblance. And OTP reader Matt Fairgrieve is so passionate about this lookalike that he emailed about it twice!

Liberal Democrats drag Chelsea star into ID card debate

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It's a f***ing disgrace! Liberal Democrat shadow home secretary Chris Huhne has put Didier Drogba at the centre of immigration policy. The politician name-checked the Chelsea striker as he responded to Home Office plans that skilled migrants will have to apply an identity card when their current visa expires.

TalkSPORT’s spoof of the Jamie and Louise Redknapp advert for Thomas Cook

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We all regretted it Yesterday we blighted you with the real thing. Now we can bring you talkSPORT's reworking of the advert that is sure to make you cringe. Spotted on 101GG


David Beckham’s comedy Italian accent is back. RESULT!

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No-er, it's-er David-er Beckham-er For someone who is used to littering his interviews with 'erms', adding an 'er' suffix to every word probably comes quite easily. On the pitch, Becks was far more assured as he put in a very impressive 76-minute shift on his return to AC Milan as they ran out 5-2 winners against Genoa.

Video: Inter Milan’s Cristian Chivu fractures his skull

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Serie A-aaaagh! Inter Milan defender Cristian Chivu is in hospital and requires an operation after fracturing his skull in a clash of heads with Chievo's Sergio Pellissier. The Romanian will require an operation. Inter boss Jose Mourinho said: "I hope he will be back as soon as possible, but I think he will be out of action [.

Jamie Redknapp takes up topless golf

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'Arry's lad adds to his cheesy ad portfolio This advert starring Jamie and Louise Redknapp has been the source of a great amount of discussion over the past few days. Topics include: Who plays golf without their top on? Is he aiming for the horse? Once you are playing topless beach golf, why bother putting a suit on for [.

Manchester City linked with £7m move for United flop Juan Sebastian Veron

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Juan transfer they should pass on? If you thought Manchester City's secret ambitions was to emulate all the successes of rivals Manchester United, you were wrong. They want to copy their failures as well! That is why Roberto Mancini is lining up a £7m move for ex-United player Juan Sebastian Veron.

Three footballers arrested for molesting an air hostess

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Goa outfit grounded after three players detained Indian champions Churchill Brothers were thrown off a flight and three of their players arrested for allegedly molesting an air hostess as they flew to Kolkata for an away match. Captain Odafa Okolie, midfielder Kalu Nnanna and goalkeeper Arindam Bhattacharya were arrested when the flight landed in Mumbai at 10.

Who’s going to be the Premier League’s top scorer?

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Video: Inside Owen Coyle’s head, Trainspotting-style

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Choose Bolton with Owen


Liverpool frolic in the snow at training

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School's closed and the Reds are up to no good He may be the new kid on the block, but Alberto Aquilani is not going out of his way to make a good impression on his Liverpool team-mates. In fact, he definitely seems to have mischief in mind. It seems that even in the cut-and-thrust world [...]


Michael Owen advised to used Feng Shui to find his form, by Geoffrey Boycott

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Lil Mickey needs to get his bed in the right place to find the net Michael Owen's increasingly tenuous World Cup dream has been offered another straw to clutch. Former England cricketer Sir Geoffrey Boycott has written to the misfiring Manchester United star to recommend the Chinese art of Feng Shui.

What if Japanese girl groups sang about famous footballers?

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Please don't dive mister. That's embarrassing mister. Meet the internet-imagined Japanese girl group Kara. Each of the singers have a favourite footballer and they just love to fill their song with references to their 'baller of choice, be that cute chubby Frank, Mr Spice Girls or another football superstar.

Francesco Totti kicks off a New Year row with Mauro Zarate

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Serie A-ttitude Roma veteran Franceso Totti has been busy proving you are never too old to get into a childish football spat by sparking a row with Lazio striker Mauro Zarate. Totti claimed the ex-Birmingham man was "not a champion." The Argentine fought fire with fire. He said: "Totti talks too much, but he forgets that he [.

Video: Blackpool manager Ian Holloway gets sent-off against Ipswich, strips off in anger

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Ollie beats the winter freeze to get hot under the collar Blackpool boss Ian Holloway was so incensed at seeing his side reduced to nine men in their FA Cup clash against Ipswich, that he chose to convey his anger through the medium of striptease. Not convinced that the fourth official had understood the meaning behind [.

Top 10 conclusions FA Cup third round weekend

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1. Leeds' victory should be dedicated to all the pompous pundits who got on their soapboxes to claim the FA Cup was dead on Saturday evening. That includes you, Mr Collymore. 2. Sir Alex Ferguson is either a very sore loser or must have thought the BBC still had the FA Cup rights! 3. Portsmouth might have [.

Top 10 things you can look forward to for 2010

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Happy New Year, OTP fans! Here's a handy little list of some of things you can look forward to for the year ahead. We would be delighted to find out what else you are looking forward to in 2010. 1. The full-throttle footy mania of a World Cup year. 2. The tightest top-flight title race for years. 3.