Off the Post Archives for January 2009

Video: Anderson’s crazy antics to aid Ryan Giggs’ goal against Wolfsburg

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Pulling funny faces - a sure-fire way to Champions League success Don't watch Ryan Giggs' deflected, important, but fairly unimpressive 150th goal for Manchester United. Instead, keep your eyes on Anderson. He positions himself in front of the keeper, takes up his best zombie pose and pulls faces at the goalies.

The Nicklas Bendtner car crash conspiracy theories begin…

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'Accident', indeed Courtesy of the very talented Chris Toy at Studs Up


Liveblog: Manchester United v Wolfsburg

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Join us at 7.45pm-ish for our random in-match thoughts Manchester United v Wolfsburg


Sepp Blatter admits he is a diving cheat

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FIFA president gets his kicks from a bit of simulation Sepp Blatter has confessed that he is a diver. Normally, a headline like this on OTP would be a twisted quote or a piece of cutting edge satire. Not this time. This is 100 per cent the truth. Blatter has admitted that he used to go [...]


Sven Goran Eriksson next to quit his Notts County post

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But it's only temporary! Sven Goran Eriksson is ready to follow Sol Campbell in qutting Notts County - but only for a week. The ex-England boss is giving students who think they can do a better job than him to take up his director of football role at Notts County. His offer is part of Colleges [...]


Video: Sir Alex Ferguson urges Jonny Evans to get married… during a press conference… attended by his girlfriend

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Man Yoo marriage gaffe Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson left defender Jonny Evans red-faced when he suggested it was time for the Northern Ireland international to get married. Fergie wasn't aware that Evans' girlfriend, Kate Wathall, was sat among the assembled journalists. Evans said: "I don't really want to talk about that here.

Don’t you hate it when Getty Images copyrights photos of you?

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Darren Bent's Twitter ruined by watermarks Darren Bent's plans for a shiny new Twitter background have been scuppered by pesky Getty Images' copyright watermark. Whether the Sunderland striker wants to fight a lengthy legal battle over his image rights or use one of the many photos on the internet which don't have words written all over [.

An open letter to Fabio Capello: A secret weapon to win the World Cup

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A suggestion for World Cup success Dear Mr Capello, An idea. OK, so it may be a tad premature but if we're going to finally win another World Cup, we need some cutting edge ideas. The Argentinians had a Hand of God in 1986, the Germans perfected the noble art of diving in 1990, the Brazilians learned [.

Chelsea v Liverpool - the Nigerian gangster film version (starring Frank Lampard’s back)

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What if Danny Dyer was Nigerian? Machine guns, bad actors clad in Chelsea and Liverpool shirts, and a soundtrack by 2Unlimited and Kool and the Gang. It sounds like a fantastic film, no? But I'm just not sure this quite works. This fine effort is the work of Nollywood. *Adopts gruff American accent*.

Burnley fan’s 50-mile away trip to his own doorstep

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Away from home A Burnley fan who lives near rivals Blackburn Rovers' ground has been told he will have to make a 50-mile away trip to Ewood Park for Saturday's Lancashire derby. Jason Taylor is the victim of tight restrictions on the movement of away fans following the violence at the recent West Ham and Millwall game.

Video: Remi Mareval scores incredible goal after nine seconds

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Mareval-ous strike French outfit Nantes took a very early lead in their clash with Nimes at the weekend. Remi Mareval struck after just nine seconds as an awkward bounce at the end of his punt caught both the goalkeeper and the cameraman napping. When the goal is scored, the television coverage hasn't even bothered to zoom [.

The Nani State - replacing Cristiano Ronaldo

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Job vacancy: Portuguese winger, Manchester area Filling the void left by Cristiano Ronaldo's departure was never going to be an easy task, but with a comparable upright style, similarly rapid stepovers and a reminiscent penchant for powerful ranged shooting, this should be the season for Nani to step up and show that he can replicate the [.

Hard Tackle: Matt Taylor and the steward

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Goal celebration kicks for people with fluorescent vests Matt Taylor got a bit frisky during the Bolton celebrations on Saturday, and found himself in the crotch of a steward. The steward in charge of restraining the celebrations showed little sign of personal restraint. Perhaps he should pick his partners a bit more carefully.

Has under-fire Hull boss Phil Brown got alternative employment lined up?

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Tiger-themed massage mobile Hull City boss Phil Brown is looking particularly sackable following his side's drubbing at Liverpool at the weekend. But on this evidence the permatanned one has already got a new job in the pipeline. OTP spies spotted this Phil Brown Massage car decked out in Hull colours.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 26-27 September

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1. Chelsea are beatable after all. 2. And Wigan are capable of beating one of the Big Four after all. I don't think too many people would have backed them to break their 34 game duck against Carlo Ancelotti's unbeaten side. 3. One little slip and suddenly Manchester United are top again. You'll have to watch them, [.

Dwight Yorke learns the hard way not to send nice texts to Roy Keane

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Ex-Sunderland manager's abusive text reply Dwight Yorke has revealed how his former Sunderland manager and Manchester United team-mate Roy Keane sent him an nasty text message. Yorke texted a message of commiserations to Keane after the latter's departure from Sunderland, but was shocked by the reply he received.

‘Do Are Ya? Kieran Richardson

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And the award for the world's tiniest ponytail goes to... Kieran Richardson has gone from being a bit-part Manchester United player with an afro to being a Sunderland regular with a bit-part ponytail. We've sent a Twitter request to our good friend Darren Bent asking him to chop it off.


OTP Rebounds: Fulham make official club video, Wenger’s pub revelation, and Tevez’s Latin band

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Silva's Spanish selections Carlos Tevez looks for silverware in The X Factor [The Spoiler] Fabio Capello gives second chances [Mirror Football] A match made in heaven [Dirty Tackle] 'Is your team' or 'are your team'? - the is/are debate rages on [The Offside] Arsene Wenger learnt his trade from pubs [FourFourTwo] Fulham's official club video [The Original Winger] [.

Tango-tastic viral

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Sir Alex Ferguson tries his hand at being the fourth official

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Last Manchester derby gag (we think) Thanks to serial spotter Tom Commins for sending this our way.


Video: Hilarious off-the-ball ‘tackle’ from Norway

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And we use the term loosely (tackle, not Norway) Were you watching the ball? Yeah, you would have missed Aalesund's Kenneth Dorken's wild off-the-ball assault on Johan Arneng of Odd Grenland in that case. Calm, calculated, and comical. Cheers to Garreth Cummins of the Football Supporters' Federation for the heads up.

Manchester United have the final word in the billboard wars

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The end of the campaign Remember the Manchester billboard/Photoshop wars? Well, United fans have had the final say on it (for now, at least) after being presented with the perfect picture to do so. Winning goalscorer (and billboard star) Little Mickey Owen took a trip past fellow protagonist Carlos Tevez during his celebrations.

Darren Bent contacts us on Twitter

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He likes our artistic skills Sunderland striker Darren Bent has been in touch with us - as you can see above - to compliment us on our design skills. The England international was pleased with the mocked up picture we used to illustrate his Twitter battle with boxer Tony Jeffries. The duo are fighting it out [.

Video: The chocolate David Beckham

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If you thought Becks was sweet enough... I don't know whether Tutankhamun ever experimented with designer stubble, but if he did he might have looked a bit like this chocolate sculpture of David Beckham. A Manchester chocolatier had the bright idea of creating a tasty tribute to the ex-England skipper.

Video: Swedish goalkeeper’s literally moves the goalposts

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A blatant attempt to con the referee If you think the Premier League is full of cheats and players setting out to con the referee, perhaps you should divert your attention to the Swedish League. Never mind players diving or playacting - some of the more conventional ways to cheat as far as a footballer is concerned [.

Darren Bent back on Twitter and stirring it up again

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Sunderland striker's candid social networking antics resume Darren Bent has reactivated his Twitter account and is fighting battles on all fronts. The then Tottenham striker caused a major controversy in July when he published Tweets criticising Spurs chairman Daniel Levy. His account was subsequently removed, but having settled in at Sunderland he has now made his big [.

Phil Jagielka robbed at knifepoint

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England defender latest victim of the Merseyside footballer's curse Everton defender Phil Jagielka was held at knifepoint and forced to hand over jewellery in a raid on his Cheshire home. It is suspected the daft robbers struck at 8pm last night because they thought the player would be on Carling Cup duty against Hull, but they [.

Video: Evidence of Sir Alex Ferguson meddling with time, Mark Hughes’ trophy-thieving plans thwarted

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The cheeky chappies at talkSPORT alter reality Spotted on The Spoiler


Sol Campbell is not returning to Tottenham, says Harry Redknapp

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Putting an end to the rumours Harry Redknapp has managed to spin a paid column out of felt the need to set the record straight over rumours that he was about to bring Sol Campbell back to White Hart Lane. The Tottenham boss used his column in The Sun to reassure Spurs fans that he had [...]


Video: Cristiano Ronaldo scores stunning goal against Villarreal

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Five goals in his first four La Liga games for C-Ron Cristiano Ronaldo has become the first Real Madrid player ever to score in his first four La Liga appearances - and his did it in style. The world's most expensive player went on powerful run from inside his own half before shooting from outside the [.

Sol Campbell manages to wreck Notts County team photo before quitting

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Fear of flash photography possibe reason for sudden departure Sol Campbell was happily posing for Notts County's team photo just hours before he walked out on the club. That's if you count a half-smile and a furrowed brow as happiness. We certainly do. The ex-England international went through the niceties of the team photo on Tuesday before [.

Rumour: Sol Campbell could be on his way back to Tottenham

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Is Judas returning to, erm, Jesus? Have stranger things happened? This time I am unsure. Former England centre half Sol Campbell caused more than a few headlines earlier this season when he agreed to join Sven Goran Eriksson's mega-rich Notts County. But after just one rather disappointing appearance in the 2-1 defeat at Morecambe, Campbell could [.

Top five bizarre Sol Campbell moments

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1. The half-time walkout Campbell's decision to leave Highbury at half-time after being substituted during Arsenal's defeat to West Ham in 2006 remains his most bizarre decision to date. Cue lots of murmurings about difficult periods and personal problems. 2. Joining Arsenal OK, he is free to do whatever he wants to do but this decision hardly [.

OTP Rebounds: Bellamy’s worst, relieving ref, and the Old Trafford mystery

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Pepe's Portuguese picks Scientists to investigate rift in Old Trafford time continuum [NewsArse] Top 10 controversial celebrations [FourFourTwo] Hyperbole of the day [TribalFootball] Craig Bellamy's wall of shame [MirrorFootball] Daniel De Rossi finds an unexpected lover [YouTube]


Fleetwood Town go on the away trip from hell

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And it was only 65 miles Non-league outfit Fleetwood Town had a disastrous away trip they travelled to Hyde last Saturday. The trouble started on the way there when the team coach suffered a tyre blow-out. The squad and coaching staff were left stranded on the hard shoulder of the M61. Fortunately - and it's just about [.

Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger now parodying himself

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Gunners manager didn't so much as smell the Thomas-Wilshere spat West Brom's task of beating the Arsenal youth team was made considerably more difficult last night when ex-Gunner Jerome Thomas was sent-off just before half-time. Thomas clashed with Arsenal youngster Jack Wilshere, and was dismissed after slapping him.

Video: Referee pees on the pitch

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Official relieves his bladder during game This footage comes from the Qatari league match between Al Ghafarah and Al Khor. While waiting for a corner to be taken, the referee turned groundsman and decided to hose the pitch. Aside from the fact that he didn't seem to think anyone would notice the most disturbing thing about [.

Chester turn their season round to smash Blue Sq points record

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In the eyes of some bookies, at least Troubled Blue Sq Premier League outfit Chester City have put their points deduction worries behind them and shot to the top of the table. That's according to the FreeBetting.net site anyway. Thanks to Matt Fairgrieve for the spot.


Lionel Messi and his kitchen roll contracts

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How Joan Laporta keeps his stars happy With Barcelona star Lionel Messi signing a new deal that extends his contract from 2014 to 2016 and makes him the highest paid player in La Liga, cult Catalan football comedy show Crackovia could not resist showing its version of the negotiations. I don't think you need the lingo to [.

Champions League final referee banned for middle finger salute

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Respect this ref The Swiss referee who took charge of Barcelona's Champions League final victory against Manchester United has been banned for three matches for sticking his middle finger up at fans. Massimo Busacca was pictured making the gesture during a match between FC Baden and Young Boys. The official claims he was provoked by "verbal abuse" [.

Video: Outrageous handball goal from Brazil

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Making Maradona look like a saint This action comes from the Brazilian second division match between Ceara and Parana. Parana's Wellington Silva is desperate to get on the end of a speedy cross, so he stuck out his arm and knocked the ball into the net. To the surprise of everyone in the stadium except referee Charles [.

Video: Kasper Schmeichel nearly scores with crazy scissor kick

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Keeper close to scoring best goal by a goalie ever! Notts County (with new boy Sol Campbell making his first start) were trailing 2-1 to Morecambe in the dying minutes of their League Two encounter on Saturday. Goalkeeper Kasper Schmeichel decided to set up camp in the Morecambe penalty area during a sustained spell of pressure.

Had Sir Alex Ferguson had a little Dutch courage before Sir Bobby Robson’s memorial service?

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Fergie a tad more slurred and incoherent than usual "AnasIsaid at the beginnin'... he iffluenced me theeen an'llwalways iffluence me."


Video: John Motson goes falsetto during Chelsea v Spurs

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Motty squawks at Aaron Lennon We already noted in our Top 10 conclusions that Motty was getting a bit camp during yesterday's Chelsea-Spurs game. And this example is no exception. With Aaron Lennon on the counter attack, Motty adopts his best teenage boy falsetto to proclaim: "He's going all the waaay.

Video: Awesome advert for FIFA 10

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National heroes: Craig Bellamy and Brian Clough

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Video footage of the Bellamy incident After the jump you can watch the Brian Clough punch-up which Mark Hughes compared the incident to. Hughes said: "I did not see it but the guy should not have been on the pitch. That is not acceptable. Brian Clough clipped someone's ear. He was lauded a national hero.

Video: Sir Alex Ferguson’s dance celebration against Manchester City

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Fergie invents the Kangaroo Skank All the cool kids are doing the Kangaroo Skank, folks. Well, Gary Neville is trying but he lacks Fergie's experience. Give him time and he will be busting moves just like his uber-cool manager. Ferguson does have a track record of dodgy pitchside dances, but we think this might just be the [.

Top five Manchester United injury time incidents

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Time added on... and on... and on "Historically it has happened before. I was in teams here where we always had a little bit of benefit," said Manchester City boss Mark Hughes. A tantalisingly suggestive statement after he witnessed a thrilling Manchester derby defeat to a ninety-sixth minute Michael Owen winner.

Steven Taylor’s X-Factor goal celebration reaction to white teeth jibe

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Newcastle defender hits out at yellow-toothed coaching staff Steven Taylor has revealed his X-Factor goal celebration after scoring against Plymouth on Saturday was in response to suggestions that he has had his teeth whitened like Simon Cowell. Newcastle's coaching staff have been spreading rumours that Taylor had opted for similar dental treatment to the X-Factor judge.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 19-20 September

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1. 4-3: the internationally recognised hallmark of a Premier League corker. 2. Michael Owen has now proved he was worth every penny of his free transfer. 3. Millions of pounds can buy you a new squad of players, but it can't buy you control of Sir Alex's special Old Trafford timekeeping clock. I'm kidding, of course.

Least surprising news ever

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Real Madrid have spent a lot of dosh The silent victims of the Florentino Perez revolution: Real Madrid's accountants. You won't be surprised to read that Real's spending this summer has more than doubled their debt from this time last year.


Hard Tackle: Birmingham’s Garry O’Connor and Keith Fahey enjoy a sneaky kiss

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No tongues, boys Birmingham duo Garry O'Connor and Keith Fahey let their emotions get the better of them after the former grabbed the winning goal against Hull on Saturday. We don't know what they will get up to if they score against half-decent opposition.


Player knocked out, rushed to hospital, then ambulance crashes

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Not the sort of first aid you want Universidad de Chile striker Juan Manuel Olivera was having one of those days on Thursday. He was knocked unconscious during the game against O'Higgins after a clash with opposition goalkeeper Jorge Rivera. The Uruguayan striker was taken to a nearby clinic and regained consciousness during the journey.

Video: Fan runs onto pitch, takes penalty and scores!

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Pitch invader is spot-kick expert Fantastic action from the Russian league this weekend. Spartak Moscow's Alex was steadying himself and centring his Zen as he prepared to take a penalty against Saturn. A pitch invader with little patience and a decent left peg took the opportunity to enter the field of play and put the ball [.

Photo of Craig Bellamy landing a punch on the kisser of a Manchester United fan

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Shy, reserved Welshman reveals hidden violent streak The pulsating Manchester derby is in danger of being overshadowed by this photograph, which appears to show Manchester City striker Craig Bellamy landing a punch on a Manchester United fan who is being restrained by stewards. Normally we would not associate such a classless act with Bellamy, but the photo [.

Diego Maradona’s earrings seized by police

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Argentina boss hands over jewellery to Italian cops Diego Maradona has had his earrings seized by Italian police determined to make him pay a €37m tax bill once piece of bling at a time. The Argentinian legend has the unpaid taxes hanging over him from his time at Napoli between 1984 and 1991. The jewellery, worth [.

Beating the recession, armchair fan style

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Rupert Murdoch helps address the need for a social life Let's face some facts. We are closing in on the end of the month. Anyone who shares my monthly fiscal philosophy of ‘two weeks living well, two weeks scraping by' will be looking forward to a weekend on the sofa with any remaining cash spent at [.

Manchester City’s days as a major spending force are over

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So say Manchester City Manchester City have drawn a line under their spending spree and will now invest in youth development, according to executive chairman Garry Cook. The club has spent nearly £200m on new players since the takeover by the Abu Dhabi United group. But Cook has warned that City will not continue to spend at [.

Martin O’Neill and Nigel Reo-Coker wrestle each to the ground

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Aston Villa midfielder and coach in training ground bust-up Martin O'Neill and Nigel Reo-Coker grappled each other to the ground during a heated row at Aston Villa's training ground yesterday. The duo allegedly got into a heated exchange over Reo-Coker being substituted during last weekend's Birmingham derby.

Chelsea make their first signing since being banned from transfers

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Blues find their first way of circumnavigating the rules Chelsea have beaten their transfer ban to sign Croatian goalkeeper Matej Delac, according to the player's current club. A deal has been struck which will see the 17-year-old remain with Inter Zapresic until 2011 with Chelsea paying his wages. Delac will reportedly travel to the UK whenever possible [.

Video: Michel Platini marks revamped Europa League by scoring against Fulham

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Fate favours Uefa president Michel Platini's name was already destined to be written into the Europa League's brand spanking new history book given that he oversaw its introduction, but he made doubly sure last night by finding the net against Fulham. Well, his namesake at least. Brazilian striker Michel Platini Ferreira Mesquita found the perfect opportunity to [.

New Nokia N900

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Europa League: New name, same old shite?

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Champions League Division Two gets under way It is an exciting week in football. We have already seen all the fun of the Champions League, a tournament which despite all the thrills and spills it often produces, sometimes makes two exciting teams play out dull games, as Inter and Barca displayed last night.

Video: Inter Milan’s Marco Materazzi gets nutemegged by keeper Julio Cesar

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The ultimate humiliation Nutmegged in training by your own goalie. Dear, oh dear, Marco Materazzi. Still, you have got to admire Julio Cesar's skills. Whether they will be quite so slick with the two broken legs Materazzi has probably since inflicted remains to be seen. Spotted on 101GG


Disgruntled France fans send texts to Raymond Domenech

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Website launched to SMS bombard French coach France fans have been given the chance to give Raymond Domenech a piece of their mind thanks to a new website. The Un SMS Pour Domenech has been launched following the France coach's comments after their recent draw with Serbia. Domenech said: "I just want to thank all the people [.

Top 10 Wednesday night Champions League musings

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No conclusions today, only questions 1. Was giving Standard Liege a one-goal headstart part of a deal cut between Eduardo and Uefa to overturn his diving ban? 2. Why are the best games on paper always the worst in reality? I'm looking at you, Inter and Barca. 3. If Arsenal had lost 3-2, having led 2-0, and conceded [.

Live blog: Liverpool v Debrecen

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Liverpool v Debrecen


OTP Rebounds: Crazy fans, the new Tinkerman, and more Emmanuel Adebayor

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Adrian Mutu takes some time off cocaine to sniff out these links One less fat bastard for football. Are you watching Sepp Blatter? [Chelsea FC] The boyhood teams of some the game's biggest names [The Spoiler] Besiktas fans are no joke [The Original Winger] How Dunga finally got his team right [See The Cup] The Mirror's own version of alternative [.

Top six Wayne Rooney tantrums

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Roo's rages No one likes being subbed, particularly after a poor performance. I recall once being hauled off with ten minutes left in a cup semi final; I'd just stuck a one-on-one wide and was not in the best of moods. Like the Manchester United striker I chucked my boots off in disgust. This outburst was [.

Liverpool’s opponents Debrecen benefit from classic comedy own goal

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An all time great OTP can't pretend to be experts on the ins-and-outs of Hungarian football... but we do know a great own goal when we see one! Liverpool will be hoping not to gift Debrecen too many like this when they meet in the Champions League this evening. FC Fehervar were the very obliging opponents [.

Video: Cristinao Ronaldo scores two free kicks for Real Madrid against FC Zurich

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C-Ron's set-piece bullets still in working order Cristiano Ronaldo grabbed two goals as Real Madrid beat FC Zurich 2-5 last night. Both of his goal came from free-kicks. The first was absolutely unstoppable and the second was a horrendous goalkeeping error.


Video: Tennis star Andy Murray visits Everton for a kickabout

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This training ground ain't big enough for two miserable Scots We already knew Andy Murray had decent footy skills, but he called in to Everton's training ground yesterday to emphasise the point. Murray is in Liverpool for Great Britain's Davis Cup tie against Poland. He was given a bit of tour by David Moyes before joining the [.

Video: Wayne Rooney’s tantrum after being substituted against Besiktas

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Shrek strop Manchester United's Wayne Rooney was not best pleased at being hauled off during last night's Champions League clash with Besiktas. Wazza was replaced by Michael Owen shortly after the hour mark with the score still at 0-0. Rooney shook his head in disgust as he made his way to the dugout before taking off [.

Emmanuel Adebayor celebrates training goal with spoof of Arsenal celebration

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The actions of a remorseful man Emmanuel Adebayor was apologetic personified after his crazed sprint to celebrate his goal for Manchester City in front of Arsenal's supporters. But he is not going to let the terrible guilt he feels deep down inside get in the way of a bit of training ground banter. Having found the net [.

Champions League preview: Potential winners

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The Champ-yaaarns do do do-do doooooo Its back. The biggest tournament in club football, the ultimate prize: The Champions League. Although we've already had the qualifying rounds, this week is where we really get under way with the group stages. The majestic theme music, the multi screen coverage and, thankfully, this season no David Pleat commentary.

Top 10 video games for England’s World Cup squad

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With Fabio Capello demanding a video games room for England's World Cup squad, OTP suggests what it should be stocked with. 1. Joleon Lescott - Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? 2. Glen Johnson - Grand Theft Toilet Seat Auto 3. Steven Gerrard - Street Fighter 4. Wayne Rooney - Shrek 5. Ashley Cole - Cashley Bandicoot 6.

Video: Arsenal fan burns his Emmanuel Adebayor shirt

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I love the smell of polyester in the morning Well, I say 'his'. It does look a tad on the small side so perhaps he stole his little brother's Emmanuel Adebayor shirt and burnt that instead! The man breathing the toxic fumes is Aussie Arsenal blogger Spanish Fry. He wrote: "After Emmanuel Adebayor's 'performance' against Arsenal I [.

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Video: David Beckham breaks someone’s neck

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Your dose of Becks related hyperbole Among the first things I read yesterday morning were a few reports of David Beckham viciously grabbing FC Dallas' David Hernandez by the neck to protect team-mate Landon Donovan. Sounded interesting. Footage was a bit thin on the ground at the time but it has now been tracked down by [.

Eduardo dive ban overturned by Uefa

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Take back your boos, England fans Arsenal striker Eduardo has had his two-match ban for an alleged dive in the Champions League qualifier against Celtic reversed. Uefa has performed a U-turn stating that they could not prove that the Croatian international had deliberately deceived the referee after the Gunners appealed.

Real Valladolid joined at training by a performing bear

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Spanish club play with cuddly creature beaten until it walks on half its legs Who needs cardiovascular workouts and five-a-side kickabouts with the gaffer when you could spend time watching a bear wearing your club's shirt doing forward rolls around the pitch. That is the logic applied by Spanish outfit Real Valladolid, and right now we [.

Emmanuel Adebayor and Robin Van Persie: happier times

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Any excuse really!


‘Do Are Ya? Franck Queudrue

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Brum's blonde bombshell Birmingham defender Franck Queudrue decided the derby match against Aston Villa was decidedly lacking in peroxide and took it upon himself to change this.


Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 12-13 September

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1. Emmanuel Adebayor certainly got his own back for any perceived treatment he received from the Arsenal faithful. You'll have to ask him whether victory, scoring a goal, celebrating in front of Arsenal's fans, making a goal-line clearance or raking Robin Van Persie's face was most rewarding. 2. After all the talk of which of the [.

Video: Stoke’s Abdoulaye Faye and Ricardo Fuller place their entry for Goal Celebration of the Season

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Stoke's set-piece fastidiousness extends to celebrations This gem of a goal celebration comes from Stoke's match at home to Chelsea on Saturday. Having taken the lead, the Potters were going to go to town in case the Blues spoiled their afternoon. Abdoulaye Faye and Ricardo Fuller rightly threw out these well choreographed moves before it was [.

Top five most fitting punishments for Emmanuel Adebayor

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Forget boring three-match bans, what's the best action to take against Emmanuel Adebayor? 1. Ceremonial face-raking by Anders Limpar before kick-off in City's next match. 2. Twenty eye-bulging full-pitch sprints complete with a pelting of pies at each turn. 3. Enforced Robin Van Persie quiff hairdo for 12 months.

OTP Rebounds: Football noobness, Barca’s 7 year old acquisition, Berbatov makes startling revelations (again)

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Filipo Inzaghi brings you freshly poached links 10 things a football newbie would say [Goal] Barcelona sign 7-year-old [Dirty Tackle] Dimitar Berbatov's uncle is an exorcist (with special Hard Tackle photo) [The Sun] Pepe Reina says league title is unrealistic this season [BBC] One of many rants on Adebayor by Arsenal fans [Caught Offside]


OTP Rebounds: Hoddle on Maradona, Benylin-Bill and Jo Yobo isn’t partying

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Showing off our link-up play Glenn Hoddle on the injustice of the Hand of God. He must have sinned in a previous life. [Channel Bee] The latest editon of the often hilarious and always disturbing Artur Boruc's Friday Rage List [Dirty Tackle] A decent long-range strike was one of six goals Germany's women put past England to win [.

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Police make enquiries over Matt Le Tissier betting scam

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Old Bill talk to FA about failed spread betting rip-off Police have been in contact with the FA over Matt Le Tissier's admission in his autobiography that he took part in a failed betting scam. OTP thought that giving the book the criminal title Taking Le Tiss was a more heinous offence, but what do we [.

Ivan Klasnic v John Terry: whose alleged behaviour was worse?

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Is it worse to spit at someone or punch them in their dodgy kidney? Croatia striker Ivan Klasnic has allegedly confessed to his new boss Gary Megson that he did spit at England skipper John Terry - but he claims he only did it because Terry punched him in the kidney. Bolton's new signing had two [..

The highs and lows of being a football fan: 45 seconds with Luton Town

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One of those 'why do I put myself through this?' moments As far as the emotional rollercoaster of being a football fan goes, Luton Town fans have had their fair share of rides over the last few years. The Hatters' match against Oxford United on Tuesday night gave a neat little 45-second synopsis of this.

OTP Rebounds: Timeless Bergkamp, Rio’s cheap holiday and the smell of Carlos Tevez

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Showing off our link-up play Age does nothing to Dennis Bergkamp's ability to chip a football [101GG] Rio Ferdinand goes caravanning [BBC] Nemanja Vidic on how he tries not to expose himself [Red Rants] The smell of Tevez [Studs Up] Dive into the Guardian Gallery of Eduardo [Guardian]


Video: Gael Kakuta in new tapping up scandal

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Controversial Chelsea youngster keeps hitting on other people's girlfriends The player at the centre of the Chelsea tapping-up storm has been making a few illegal approaches. Chelsea's Gael Kakuta is always attempting to chat up women with boyfriends on nights out, according to his academy team-mate Jacob Mellis (1min 55secs).

Derby County’s Jermaine Johnson hooks up with wrong club for loan move

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Confused youngster tries to loan himself to different team Derby County defender Jermaine Johnson joined up with the wrong team as he attempted to begin a loan spell at Stafford Rangers. The 19-year-old introduced himself to his new 'team-mates' from Tamworth at a motorway service station and began the settling in process when a call to [.

China marks FIFA FairPlay day in its own unique style

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Respect campaign has not yet reached Far East We already know that there are some bizarre goings-on in Chinese football, but at least we now know they retain a sense of irony. On the day the Chinese Super League (CSL) observed FIFA's international Fairplay Day, there were boots thrown at referees, spitting at referees and verbal abuse [.

Peter Reid is an ass. It’s official.

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Twitter character limit strikes again We had no idea this position was vacant at Stoke City but an, erm... opening must have come up. Now we just have to decide if becoming an ass is a promotion of demotion from managing Thailand.


Top 10 conclusions: England 5-1 Croatia

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1. What a disappointment. Where was the nailbiting last gasp qualification securing goal/hard fought 0-0? Two games to spare? Give us a break, Capello. 2. Only kidding! We're going to South Africa. And what an emphatic way to make sure. 3. Composed passing play, coherent attacking play, neat angles and positioning.

Ian Wright denies being a ‘rapist’ kiddy snatcher

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Wrighty defends his academy investments Ex-Arsenal star Ian Wright has hit back at suggestions that he is exploiting South African children at a football academy. The head of the South African FA accused him of "raping the country, then running away". Wright is one of a group of investors in the Cape United academy.

Pre-order your Manchester City treble winners’ commemorative plate

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The Manc Photoshop wars hit Radio Times territory Manchester United fans have once again taken to their PCs in an attempt to burst any bubble surrounding Manchester City's unbeaten start to the season. Thanks to OTP reader Tom Commins for the spot.


Video: Steve McClaren sings Umbrella (talkSport remix)

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Last time England met Croatia at Wembley... ...it all ended in tears. Here is the way talkSport chose to commemorate that fateful night's events.


Video: Referee stops play because his car is being stolen

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Official suspends match to talk to police The Spanish third division match between Jumilla and Puente Tocinos last weekend was halted when the referee answered a tannoy announcement about his car. The official waited for a break in play before heading to the touchline to talk to police. According to reports, the ref's Audi had its windows [.

OTP Rebounds: Fatal own goal, Chelsea groins and Liverpool caught not breaking any rules

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Rory Delap throws some links at you If footballers were star signs [The Sun] Liverpool join Chelsea, Manchester United, and City in poaching accusations [The Spoiler] Adrian Mutu leaves long trail of dirt [The Independent], appeals to Chelsea with open letter [Caught Offside] Chelsea choose peculiar pose for team photo [MRWF] Czech player dies after scoring own goal [Dirty Tackle] [.

Republic of Ireland sell tickets using photos of players who won’t be playing

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Which one of these people will be at Thomond Park, Limerick, tonight? Someone in the FAI marketing team has been watching re-runs of Bullseye because *clears throat* this is what you could have won... if you had bought tickets to a World Cup qualifier instead of a friendly. Republic of Ireland fans who print off the FAI's [.

Chinese side docked three points for wearing their home shirt at home

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China: where away kits don't exist If Chelsea are still feeling a little hard done by over the Gael Kakuta saga they might want to read about the plight of Chinese Super League outfit Shenzhen. The struggling club has been handed a three-point deduction, 100,000 yuan ($14,650) and been banned from entering the league's FairPlay Award [.

Manchester City ‘target of massacre’

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Eastlands massacre threat A teenager on trial for allegedly plotting a pipe bomb and gun massacre at his school in Manchester was also considering an attack on Manchester City, a court has heard. Matthew Swift, aged 18, reportedly sent the suggestion in a computer message to co-defendant Ross Wilkinson.

No, Fernando Torres has not been involved in a stampede at Everton’s training ground

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Congratulations to the Blackpool Gazette for this sneaky headline A big round of applause to whichever internet traffic savvy employee of the Blackpool Gazette managed to plant this Trojan horse of a headline in several football news aggregation sites!


Cheryl Cole plots to buy Newcastle and sign husband Ashley

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One Ashley out, one Ashley in Cheryl Cole has said she would consider a takeover bid for Newcastle United - if she had enough money. The Girls Aloud star's £10 million fortune is unlikely to meet owner Mike Ashley's valuation of the Magpies. And even allowing for hubby Ashley chipping in some of his £3.

OTP Rebounds: Bored Thierry Henry, cross dressers and injury fakers

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Showing off our link-up play Thierry Henry publicly declares France's players are bored with Raymond Domenech [Mirror] Which player faked an injury to get out of Newcastle? [The Spoiler] Slaven Bilic knows something about England that we don't. [The Guardian] Sven Eriksson attracts cross-dressing footballers.

Video: Playing football with bulls is dangerous

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Unless you have the aid of computer graphics Last time I saw something like this I coined the phrase footbull. What can I say: they've sold out. Footbull has lost its soul. Now Sony are involved.


‘Do Are Ya? Bacary Sagna won bet to get braids

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And they were the prize not a forfeit! Arsenal full-back Bacary Sagna has revealed his trademark blond braids are the result of a bet with his father. A teenage Sagna was desperate for a new look, but papa said he could only get the peroxide plats if he scored two goals against a team of adults. He [.

Manchester United insult their fans’ intelligence/disabilities

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Miracles are banned at the Theatre of Dreams OTP field operative Matt Fairgrieve spotted this beauty on a recent tour of Old Trafford. Seemingly Man Yoo feel the need to rub their disabled supporters' faces in it a bit. Having said that, this Burnley fan will be stuffed when the Clarets visit United.

Either Stoke City are bigger geeks than we thought or the Observer is recycling old news

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Liam Lawrence still banging on about video games Stoke City's players have come up with a 'new' way of improving communication and team morale at the club, according to the Observer. The Potters players spend their evenings battling it out on online computer games Gears of War and Call of Duty. The trouble is that the Liam [.

Which WAG negotiated a £2 million pay-off for her husband?

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When WAGs stop spending their partner's cash and start earning it Richard Dunne begins life at Aston Villa £2 million wealthier than he might have after his wife demanded a pay-off from Manchester City. Helen Dunne decided to play hardball with football's latest moneybags when it became clear that he would be sold following Joleon Lescott's [.

Top five conclusions England 2-1 Slovenia

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1. Wayne Rooney would never, ever dive to win a penalty. Ever. You could have seen that coming after his comments this week! 2. It is a shame he didn't tell a press conference that he was too honest to score a goal for England so that might have acted as an omen too. Wazza had [...]


Video: A new dive for the Wayne Rooney dive compilation

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He would never intentionally dive, OK? "I have never intentionally tried to dive, there have been times when I have tried to stay on my feet and tried to get the shot off rather than going down. I have never intentionally dived. I think everyone who watches me play knows I am an honest player who [.

Video evidence of Wayne ‘I would never dive’ Rooney diving to get a penalty

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Wazza's memory loss Today's papers are filled with quotes of Wayne Rooney proclaiming his honesty as a player and saying he would never dive to win a penalty. Rooney said: "I have never intentionally tried to dive, there have been times when I have tried to stay on my feet and tried to get the shot off [.

Video: David Beckham shows off to his LA Galaxy team-mates

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Dotting the 'i' If you were wondering about the difference between David Beckham and David Bentley, one makes faked virals about making bets to display their passing accuracy while the other does it for real. The story to go with this video is that Galaxy forward Alan Gordon bet Becks he couldn't put the ball through the [.

Anyone spare a thought for Gael Kakuta?

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Big fine for a little man With every man and his dog moping on about Chelsea's transfer ban, OTP is taking it upon itself to stick up for Gael Kakuta in all this. The 18-year-old's move to Stamford Bridge from Lens is what has caused this tapping-up storm, and FIFA has come down hard on the [...]


Top five Wayne ‘I would never dive’ Rooney dives

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More of the best from Honest Wayne 1. v Arsenal 2. v Blackburn 3. v Tottenham 4. v Villarreal We can't find video evidence for this one at the present, but we trust you will take the word of a Knight of the Realm. Sir Alex said: "He apologised to me and said he didn't mean to do that. I [...]


OTP Rebounds: Rockstar celebrations, volleys, and Serbian rage

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Showing off our link-up play Viral bliss as US soccer kids get goal celebration coaching. [VWJrMasters] Guess who's first in line to buy a life-size Cristiano Ronaldo poster. [Dirty Tackle] Every seat is a good seat in these stadiums. [The Best Eleven] Uefa to charge Joey Barton for simulating a professional footballer.

Video: Luka Modric plays 1980s dress-up for new advert

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Crocked Spurs star gets new sideline Remember we told you a while back about Luka Modric and Eduardo developing an uncanny resemblance to pop duo Hall and Oates for a new commercial? Well, the Luka Modric ad has finally surfaced and here it is. Roll on, Eduardo.


Hard Tackle: Real Madrid’s new signings settle in

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This is how we do team photos here There was some interesting facial expressions on display as Real Madrid got themselves into position for a team photo as they kicked off their La Liga campaign against Deportiva La Coruna. Real stalwart Raul directs proceedings, while Lass has prime position.


Video: DC United keeper Josh Wicks’ crazy stamp on Seattle Sounders’ Fredy Montero

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No clean sheet and dirty temperament No goalkeeper likes to concede a goal, but most take a more philosophical view of the situation than DC United's Josh Wicks. The keeper was not best pleased at conceding the opening goal in the US Open Cup final against Seattle Sounders. As the ball nestled in the back of the [.

Matt Le Tissier admits planning betting scam

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Saint turns sinner Southampton legend Matt Le Tissier has confessed he hatched a plan to cheat bookies out of £10,000 during his playing days. The Sky Sports pundit got his mates to place bets on the first throw-in of a 1995 Premier League match coming within 60 seconds. Le Tissier planned to get the ball straight from [.

Video: Clarence Seedorf’s flip-flops get Gennaro Gattuso sent-off in Milan derby

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Comfy footwear + fiery temperament = red card Milan captain Gennaro Gattuso was sent-off in peculiar circumstances during their 0-4 derby defeat to Inter at the weekend. With the score still at 0-1, Gattuso took the interesting decision to carelessly haul down Samuel Eto'o just inside the penalty area.

Dimitar Berbatov warned by gangster over flirty texts

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Man Yoo striker's mobile could threaten his mobility Dimitar Berbatov has got himself on the wrong side of a Bulgarian gangster by sending suggestive text messages to his girlfriend, according to The Sun. The 28-year-old is reported to have received unexpected replies to his flirty messsages to Playboy model Nikoleta Lozanova from mob boss Georgi 'The Head' [.

Crystal Palace forced to apologise over Preston ‘Lancashite’ jibe

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Eagles sorry for press release blunder Crystal Palace have issued an apology after dubbing Championship rivals Preston a "Lancashite outfit" in a press release. The Eagles' press office were so eager to tell the world they had signed Claude Davis from Derby County that they neglected to check their press release for typos, and allowed an absolutely [.

One way of avoiding a transfer to Stoke…

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... go into hiding Bayern Munich defender Christian Lell came up with an ingenious plan to avoid a move to Stoke City. The 25-year-old went into hiding until the transfer window was safely shut and his proposed move to the Potteries scuppered. Tony Pulis was keen to meet Bayern's £3 million asking price, but the player himself [.

OTP Rebounds: Burger King, Bulls, and Berbatov

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Today's links brought to you by Emmaneul Adebayor. MUTV make Dimitar Berbatov look like a revelation. [101GG] E.On not to renew FA Cup sponsorship [Daily Mail] Marco Materazzi doesn't like being the butt of a joke. [The Mirror] Ronaldo takes on Gattuso a bull. [YouTube] Football struck by lightning while playing, has leg amputated.

Hard Tackle: Sylvain Distin announces his arrival at Everton

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I'm right behind you, buddy Following his transfer from Portsmouth, Sylvain Distin announced his arrival in Everton with a bang warm hug and boob grope in the soaking rain to congratulate teammate Louis Saha for opening the scoring against Wigan. Nice gesture, no doubt, but the look on Saha's face suggests he'd rather drown [Or that [.

Video: Cristiano Ronaldo and Usain Bolt’s arm wrestle battle

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Fastest man in world meets orangest man in world Cristiano Ronaldo and Usain Bolt resumed their friendly rivalry with an arm wrestling contest this week. The pair's paths continue to cross as supposed Manchester United fan Bolt followed up a trip to Carrington in May by dropping in on Real Madrid. C-Ron didn't look particularly impressed last [.

Sky Sports in mysterious search for passionate fans from all 92 league clubs

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What for? We have no idea Like an Arsenal attacking move circa 2007, this new advert from Sky Sports meanders around all sorts of exciting places and at the end you are still not sure of what the point was. Rupert Murdoch and co are on the hunt for stark, raving, mad passionate fans from England's [.

Dimitar Berbatov and Roman Pavlyuchenko suffer identity crisis

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Spot the flop To paraphrase the old Eric Morecambe gag, The Sun is using all the right images but not necessarily in the right order. Someone got East European Transfer Flop 1.0 and East European Transfer Flop 2.0 in a bit of a muddle. Thanks to OTP reader Ang Jinhao for the spot.


Video: Axel Witsel inflicts horrific leg break on Marcin Wasilewski

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Bad breaks from Belgium Standard Liege's Axel Witsel dealt out the ultimate footballing humiliation to Anderlecht's Marcin Wasilewski over the weekend by breaking his leg so badly that he inadvertently kicked himself in the balls. This is one of those sickening leg breaks that we get every so often in football.

Video: Abou Diaby’s comedy own goal gives Man Utd victory over Arsenal

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Probably shouldn't have done that, son I'm still catching up with the latest goings on in the wacky world of football after my little break, but as far as I can gather the main things I have missed are: Arsene Wenger has kicked the bucket, Eduardo has been victimised for taking evasive action as he battled [.