Off the Post Archives for January 2009

Video: Felipe Felix takes a knockout blow to the head

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If you can't reach the ball with your overhead clearance, try the attacker's face There was brief panic in Tuesday's Champions league match between Azerbaijani champions FK Baku and Bulgaria's Levski Sofia. Baku striker Felipe Felix took a boot to the face as he tried to race onto a loose ball in the Levski penalty area [.

Watch out for Fulham players infiltrating your mum’s keep-fit class

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Cottagers turn to Pilates for pre-season fitness Danny Murphy has revealed Fulham have taken up girly exercise classes to prepare them for the Europa League. The ex-England midfielder and his team-mates have been doing Pilates to improve their endurance for the season ahead. But Murphy insists that their high-powered intensive brand of Pilates is a far cry [.

Video: Manchester United do the Cadbury’s eyebrows advert

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City fans suspect they've struck a nerve After their club successfully provoking Sir Alex Ferguson into a rant with their billboard campaign, Manchester City fans have decided to strike while the iron is hot. City fans were so delighted to see Fergie getting worked up that they have put together this tribute to the Cadbury's eyebrow [.

Video: Anderson scores his first goal for Manchester United

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Q. Why has it taken Anderson so long to score for United? A. Because Cristiano Ronaldo wouldn't let him take any free-kicks. Anderson scored his first goal for Manchester United with a nice free-kick against Boca Juniors in the Audi Cup. He had previously failed to score in more than 80 matches for the club.

COMPETITION: Win FIFA Sony Ericsson W995 (and possibly World Cup tickets)

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Your chance to get tickets for South Africa! OTP has a FIFA-branded Sony Ericsson W995 worth £500 to give away to one lucky reader. The winner of the phone will then be able to enter a special Willy Wonka-style Golden Ticket draw which could see you win tickets to see EVERY SINGLE MATCH of a country [.

AC Milan central defensive partnerships you never thought you’d see: Oguchi Onyewu and Michael Mancienne

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Italian giants set for unusual looking defence Following their surprise signing of USA international Oguchi Onyewu, AC Milan are now being linked with a transfer that would see young Chelsea defender Michael Mancienne join him at the San Siro. Highly-rated Mancienne is being touted as a possible makeweight in Carlo Ancelotti's plans to bring Andrea Pirlo [.

Alan Shearer finally gets his job sorted

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But it's at MOTD Match of the Day presenter Gary Lineker expects pundit-turned-manager-turned-man-in-limbo Alan Shearer to be snuggling up to him on the sofa this season. The ex-England striker says he believes the, erm, ex-England striker will be joining him on the BBC's football coverage. He said: "Shearer will be in the studio with us unless something [.

Video: Cristiano Ronaldo’s first useful dive for Real Madrid

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CR9 bags his first goal for Real Cristiano Ronaldo's fledgling Real Madrid career has thus far been noticeably lacking in the dubious penalty area tumbles and successfully converted spot-kicks that the Spanish giants spent £80 million to obtain. C-Ron changed all that last night with this effort against Ecuador's LDU de Quito.

Video: Chinese team chases referee out of stadium

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Seeing red in more ways than one I don't recall Jose Mourinho-era Chelsea starring in any Benny Hill films, but if they had it would probably look a lot like this. This Chinese team did not take too kindly to having two of their players dismissed and chased the referee out of the stadium. But not [.

Phil Brown doesn’t read Off The Post…

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... but he ought to start Yesterday, we wrote a piece taking a light-hearted dig at Phil Brown's love of giving interviews detailing every precise detail of his transfer dealings. In particular, we suggested that the Hull boss' propensity for telling the media which players he is interested in, whether they have had talks with him, [.

Darren Bent taken from Spurs’ plane to sign for Sunderland

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Overpriced striker saved from boring safety talk We are not sure whether the air hostesses on Spurs' flight to China last night got as far as informing the squad that there were exits at the front and rear of the cabin, but if they did then the information was immediately useful to Darren Bent. The England international's [.

Video: Ronaldo free-kick FAIL ends in broken hand

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Chubby Brazilian's wrist can't withstand weight of chubby Brazilian How the mighty have fallen. Literally. Originaldo is facing five weeks on the sidelines after breaking bones in left hand taking this disastrous free-kick for Corinthians against Palmeiras. The hefty striker might have shed a couple of pounds since he started playing regularly again, but it seems he [.

Video: Japanese team score while opponents watch ref eat grass

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Play to the whistle This J-League craziness comes from a match between Sagan Tosu and Mito Hollyhock. Mito scored their second goal in a 3-1 victory after the referee tripped over. Concerned Sagan players stopped in their tracks to stare at the sprawled official. Mito's Kim Tae-yeon did not share their worries and instead smashed the ball [.

Video: Streaker gets nutmegged in England v Germany match

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He's let it run between his legs (in many ways) The beauty of the increasingly frequent veterans matches, like yesterday's Sir Bobby Robson Trophy match between England and Germany, is that you don't have to stop play for something as insignificant as a streaker on the pitch. The naked man kindly avoids interfering with play, shows [.

You’re watching Phil Brown Sports News

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Someone should tell Hull that life in the Prem isn't a reality TV show Maybe I just have a very unfortunate sense of timing, but every time I turn on Sky Sports News at the moment the permatanned mug of Phil Brown is staring back at me. Enough to make you turn it off again straight [...]


Shaquille O’Neal issues Twitter challenge to David Beckham

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Basketball star wants penalty shootout with celebrity soccer fan provoker David Beckham has been challenged to a penalty shootout by basketball player Shaquille O'Neal. In a bid to promote his new TV show get Beckham roused for the contest, O'Neal chose the very personal medium of Twitter to throw down the gauntlet.

Video: Ronaldinho nearly sent-off by referee red card blunder

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Ref gets his pockets confused AC Milan star Ronaldinho was very nearly treated to an embarrassing pre-season red card against rivals Inter Milan after a refereeing cock-up. Busy exchanging a bit of verbal with the goofy Brazilian, the referee got in a bit of a muddle and reached into his pocket pocket for a yellow card.

Sir Alex Ferguson wades in on the Manchester poster wars

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Man Utd boss hits out at "small" Citeh Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has taken a swipe at Manchester City over the poster campaign we told you about last week. Fergie has criticised City for a billboard campaign featuring Carlos Tevez and the slogan 'Welcome to Manchester', which has spawned a series of spoof follow-up [.

Steven Gerrard cleared of a affray

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Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard found not guilty at Liverpool Crown Court Thank goodness justice was done and seen to be done today at Liverpool Crown Court. Liverpool skipper Steven Gerrard was cleared of affray after admitting punching a man he thought might be about to punch him but now admits wasn't about to punch him.

Video: Manchester City sing Happy Birthday to Nelson Mandela

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Gareth Barry and co enjoy a sing-song for an esteemed audience Apologies for the atrocious quality of this video, but it is worth posting regardless. Manchester City took time out from their pre-season tour to South Africa to pay a visit to a national legend. The Citizens popped round to see Nelson Mandela and wish him [.

Video: Aston Villa’s Curtis Davies shocks himself with the lack of imagination of his nicknames

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Who needs wit when you could have a 'y' Poor old Curtis Davies. The Aston Villa defender was caught out being interviewed by Sky Sports News when he realised he didn't yet have a friendly surname-related nickname for new team-mate Stewart Downing. But Curtis soon improvised and christened the winger with a brand new moniker.

Lookalikes: Liverpool transfer targets separated at birth?

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Least likely lookalike of the year OTP wouldn't have thought it was possible for Peter Crouch to look remotely Spanish, but this works in a sort of guess-which-brother-got-the-looks way. Today's papers reckon Liverpool are looking at bringing Crouchinho back to Anfield and are also trying to secure Valencia's David Silva, his suntanned doppelgänger.

Top five worst directors of football

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The men Sven won't want to emulate 1. Dennis Wise Not just a director of football, but Executive Director (Football). Regardless, the rat-alike failed to set the world alight with his recruitment policy. Since he was younger, less experienced and less famous than Newcastle's then manager, Kevin Keegan, you do have to question Mike Ashley's logic in [.

Click me please

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Phoenix Nights actor to bring Rafa Benitez to the big screen

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But not the one you expected Liverpool's dramatic 2005 Champions League victory is the subject of a new short film. Fifteen Minutes That Shook The World will take a comic look at the Reds' famous comeback against AC Milan in Istanbul. Steven Gerrard (assuming he is not behind bars), Jamie Carragher and Dietmar Hamman are among [.

Dimitar Berbatov experiences Beatlemania with Manchester United

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Berba feels like Fifth Beatle on Far East Tour Here come old Berbatov. He come grooving up slowly. He got joo-joo eyeball, he one holy roller He got hair down to his knee, Got to be a joker, he just do what he please. Sorry about that. Dimitar Berbatov has revealed being on Manchester United's pre-season tour to the Far [.

Manchester City fans send round Welcome to Stretford poster spoof

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Manchester's billboard wars escalate! Manchester City supporters have made the latest move in a poster battle with United fans. A spoof email featuring the slogan 'Welcome to Stretford' and a hobbling Michael Owen has been doing the email rounds. City started the war with a provocative 'Welcome to Manchester' advertisement featuring Carlos Tevez shortly after capturing the [.

More Adidas-flogging from Zinedine Zidane and Lionel Messi

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Zizou and Lizou back for their encore var sid=315;var vid=20158; You can watch the other three virals which made up the campaign here.


Video: Sven Goran Eriksson’s first Notts County press conference interrupted by his mobile

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"Not now, Ulrika!" Sven Goran Eriksson's big English football comeback speech lasting approximately two sentences before he was cut off by his very dull mobile ringtone. The Swede said: "Hello everybody! It's great to come back to England..." But the ex-Mexico manager was stopped in his tracks by his noisy pocket communicator.

Video: Don’t share your food with Fernando Torres

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Nando and Riera enjoy a Lady and The Tramp moment Driven to distraction by watching his team-mates play out 50 minutes of goalless football against Rapid Vienna, Fernando Torres decides to create his own entertainment by shovelling as much of Albert Riera's packed lunch into his mouth has possible. Meanwhile the winger scavenges around Torres' slobbery [.

Video: The FA spoofs Nike for new viral

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Football Association in sense of humour shocker! The FA has produced a spoof of a Nike viral to encourage more people to take up 11-a-side football. They reckon the full size version of the beautiful game is facing dwindling numbers at grassroots level (presumably because it is easier to haul your beer gut around a five-a-side [.

Sven Goran Eriksson appointing at Notts County!

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Beware ladies of Nottingham: Svennis is coming OTP did give you the heads-up on this one yesterday, but I don't think we expected the rumour to become reality. And yet Sven Goran Eriksson has been appointed at Notts County in a director of football post. Long-term ally Tord Grip also joins the Magpies' payroll.

Video: Steven Gerrard court CCTV footage

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Liverpool skipper might struggle to explain this one... As you will have heard, Steven Gerrard is at Liverpool Crown Court this week defending himself against a charge of affray. The Liverpool captain was arrested last December following an incident as he celebrated his side's victory over Newcastle with friends.

Magpies to appoint Sven-Goran Eriksson as manager

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Sven to takeover at Notts County. Really? What? You thought Newcastle had made a declaration of intent of some kind? Don't be so silly. It is actually Notts County who are rumoured to be chasing after Sven like a dirty old man chasing after... oh... bad analogy. Is there an ounce of truth in this story, originally [.

Warning: signing for Manchester United can cause paranoia and insomnia

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Red Devils' new striker goes into denial over move New Manchester United signing Mame Biram Diouf thought his transfer to Old Trafford was a wind-up. The Senegalese young striker will join from Norwegian outfit Molde in January in a £2 million deal. But the 21-year-old thought the deal was too good to be true.

Manchester United fan stabbed for celebrating Michael Owen’s debut goal

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Malaysian fan should have left early to beat the traffic A Manchester United fan was allegedly stabbed by his wife after returning home late from his side's victory against a Malaysian XI on Saturday. The Malaysian man was presumably in high spirits having witnessed Michael Owen's first goal for the club, but his missus was less [.

Ever wondered what an £80 million free-kick looks like?

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Wonder no more Cristiano Ronaldo made his Real Madrid debut against Shamrock Rovers last night. But the £80 million man put in a rather disappointed 45-minute shift and was eclipsed by fellow debutant Karim Benzema, who grabbed the winning goal. Ronaldo admitted in a post-match interview that he was no 100 per cent fit but said he [.

Video: Another day, another easy Michael Owen goal

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Two in two for Little Mickey At least if his Old Trafford move doesn't work it we know that Michael Owen is still capable of taking the Malaysian league by storm. The 29-year-old marked his second Manchester United appearance with his second Manchester United goal. Like his debut goal, it is difficult to tell from this scrappy [.

Video: David Beckham confronts angry LA Galaxy fans

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Becks picks fight with Riot Squad David Beckham had a half-time confrontation with LA Galaxy fans in his first home match since returning from his loan spell at AC Milan. Conveniently the match was against AC Milan, just to focus the anger of LA Galaxy's lamely named Riot Squad hardcore support. Becks version of events, which do [.

Villarreal tonk part-timers 27-0 in pre-season opener

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Spanish club in football equivalent of bullying Villarreal got their pre-season under way in style or in bad taste depending on you viewpoint. The La Liga side thrashed amateur side Navata 27-0 in a match that has caused outrage among some online fans. The Yellow Submarine strikers helped themselves to a hatful, with Jonathan Pereira grabbing seven [.

Football on the moon? Expect Stoke City to flourish

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German news agency ponders moon football It is football's silly season and one news agency has filled the gaping holes in its editorial content by investigating the possibility of football being played on the moon. Deutsche Welle's findings suggest Stoke and Bolton could be just a short spaceship journey from football domination.

Carlos Tevez fined by Manchester United for allegedly trashing his house

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City signing docked wages for broken furniture and dog damage Carlos Tevez had his last wage packet from Manchester United docked after club officials found £30,000 worth of damage to the house they rented for him. The Sun reports that Manchester City's new signing had money taken from his pay to cover the cost of the [.

Video: Michael Owen scores on Manchester United debut

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Take that, Malaysia XI! No, it probably wasn't the most difficult finish of his career but nonetheless Michael Owen has a 100 per cent strike-rate for Manchester United. And his brochure was right: he is young when the comparative measure is Ryan Giggs!


Noel Gallagher doesn’t want ‘Cockney cry baby’ John Terry at Manchester City

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Oasis guitarist pours cold water on most of Citeh's transfer activity John Terry has been told he is not wanted at Manchester City by the club's most vocal celebrity fan. Noel Gallagher revealed he had disliked the England captain and wouldn't want to see him at Eastlands. "I don't like John Terry and I never have.

Video: New Wolves signing James McCarthy not rated by every pundit

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Premier League's newest star is a "numpty" This clip is the work of cult Scottish football sketch show Only An Excuse. Their version of BBC pundit Chick Young is not too generous in his praise for Wolves' new signing James McCarthy.


Cristiano Ronaldo admits he dresses like a girl

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Real Madrid star bases his wardrobe on his mum and sisters' outfits Cristiano Ronaldo has finally confessed that he loves to dress like a girl. The Portuguese winger revealed during a press conference in Ireland that most of his style tips have been picked up from his mum and sisters. He said: "I'm always trying to copy [.

Manchester City players receive end of season bonus

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Citeh players can now count-down injury time in style Is there a better job than one that not only pays you ridiculously high wages for doing very little (and as far as players such as Benjani and Elano, simply seating on your rear-end) but also pays you a bonus for an unsuccessful year, filled with huge [.

Manchester City players recieve end of season bonus

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Citeh players can now count-down injury time in style Is there a better job than one that not only pays you ridiculously high wages for doing very little (and as far as players such as Benjani and Elano, simply seating on your rear-end) but also pays you a bonus for an unsuccessful year, filled with huge [.

Michael Owen: identity fraudster

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"Are you sure these are all yours, sir?" Alternative caption: Michael Owen is forced to ditch his collection of pet passports after learning his horses will not be allowed to accompany him on Manchester United's tour of Asia. Got a better caption? Let us know below.


Video: Marquinhos gets into a muddle with his shorts

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Kit mishap from Japan The notion that all footballers are thick might be a nasty stereotype, but incidents like this really don't help. Kashima Antlers' Brazilian striker Marquinhos is preparing for the kick-off with Shinzo Koroki when he notices that his team-mate's shorts have all sorts of nice accessories like ties, a logo and a squad [.

Video: Zinedine Zidane and Lionel Messi front Adidas campaign

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Two superstars, three stripes, three videos var sid=315;var vid=20106; Adidas' latest campaign rolls out their big guns old and new. Zinedine Zidane and Lionel Messi are the stars of this three-video viral campaign. See the other two after the jump. var sid=315;var vid=20108; var sid=315;var vid=20107;


Carlos Tevez to buy Cristiano Ronaldo’s mansion

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Argentinian makes first step on the Cheshire property ladder Who said the property market is in meltdown? The happy chap pictured above is a first-time buyer about to get himself onto the property ladder by purchasing a modest £5 million mansion. Carlos Tevez's potential new pad has one careless former owner: former team-mate Cristiano Ronaldo.

Micah Richards recovers from swine flu

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It's good to know for future reference that is possible Manchester City youngster Micah Richards is on the road to recovery after picking up swine flu, according to his official website. The England international contracted this season's must-have illness while on holiday in Cyprus. But MicahRichards.

Jonathan Woodgate’s heading to Ibiza

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Michael Jackson finds an unlikely successor in Spurs centre-back The summer is well under way and with many Brits heading abroad for the party season it seems so too are our football superstars. Jonathan Woodgate owns a lavish crib on the infamous club island of Ibiza and he's spent thousands of pounds blinging up his holiday [.

Video: Footballers throw themselves at a chicken

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Thierry Hen-ry? This classic clip comes from a 1986 European Cup Winners' Cup clash between Dynamo Kiev and Atletico Madrid. The match is briefly held up early in the second half when a chicken decides to launch a pitch invasion. Ah, the days when you could take your chicken along to the match... Anyhow, enjoys the bizarre [.

Joe Kinnear set to take charge of Newcastle again. Is it funny or sad?

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Newcastle continue to make life difficult for themselves For most clubs, pre-season is now well under way and serious preparation beginning for the season ahead. Newcastle, on the other hand, are still owned by someone who doesn't want to own the club, have a squad of overpaid players who don't want to stay at the club [.

Wayne Rooney’s career fall-back option: become a priest

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Roo reveals his extremely well hidden religious side Wayne Rooney claims he would have become a priest if he hadn't have made the grade as a footballer. The Manchester United star said his lack of academic prowess would probably have limited his career options, but his love of religious studies lessons might have pushed him towards [.

Obafemi Martins, erm, Jnr ruled out of Under-17 World Cup

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Nigeria cracks down on over-age players The Nigeria Football Federation has announced it will be checking out its players bones to catch cheats. Nope, it's not dubious dressing room shower activities but MRI scans to find over-age players trying to gatecrash the Under-17 World Cup. Nigeria's youth squads have long faced accusations of fielding ineligible players in [.

Carlos Tevez returns to England with his granny’s knitting on his head

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Either that or Man City have signed a blood-free Terry Butcher Carlos Tevez arrived at Eastlands today to be unveiled as Manchester City's new signing. And the Argentinean striker was sporting a rather fetching piece of cranial knitwear. OTP suspects Carlitos doesn't get back home too often and Grandma Tevez might have slightly underestimated the amount [.

Top seven conclusions on Manchester United’s new number 7

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Michael Owen bags iconic shirt 1. Manchester United fans are not very happy. Zae at Vital Football sums up the shell-shocked response of most United fans. He wrote: "Some might say that we're making too much fuss over a shirt number but for us it does have a special resonance and it is simply not right [.

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Video: Norwegian player scores the easiest 40-yard free kick you are likely to see

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Think this one has to go down as a goalkeeping error Sometimes goals are scored from 40 yards and the keeper can do absolutely nothing about them. This is not one of those instances. The Odd Grenland keeper isn't victim to a top corner thunderbolt, nor an awkward bounce. He simply stands rooted to the spot [.

Which goalkeeper escapes stress by playing Animal Crossing on the Nintento DS?

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USA women's keeper Hope Solo, that's who She might sound like a character from the latest sequel to Star Wars, but Hope Solo is actually a goalkeeper for the very successful USA women's team. So successful is the women's team, in fact, that Nintendo have recognised Solo's potential to sell video games to seven-year-old girls.

Sky Sports News’ ‘County’ curse strikes again

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When football club names become rude Sky Sports News might consider scrapping stories on clubs whose name includes the word County after their latest mishap. It seems reading Stockport County from an autocue is a more difficult task than it might first appear. Presenter Simon Thomas will probably just be pleased he didn't let this one [.

Six Premier League stars wait for HIV test results

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A new occupational hazard for the modern footballer Footballers from three Premier League clubs face a nerve-wracking wait for HIV test results after a woman they had all slept with discovered she had contracted the infection. Six players have allegedly taken the tests after sleeping with the groupie (reportedly not at the same time, although you [.

Top five best new Premier League kits

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After the bad 'uns, now the good 'uns 1. Arsenal third They might have nicked the design from Roger Federer, but the Gunners' new third kit is a classy number. More than a nod to the Eighties (as well as to the tennis court) it is versatile as a replica but will also look great on the [...]


Video: Mexico coach Javier Aguirre fouls Panama’s Ricardo Phillips

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Tackling from the technical area OTP has heard of managers 'kicking every ball' from the dugout, but this incident takes the mickey a bit. Mexico coach Javier Aguirre was sent-off during yesterday's draw with Panama after kicking out at Ricardo Phillips as he made a run down the wing. "I would like to apologize in order of [.

Iker Casillas: a man more at ease between the sticks than on the dancefloor

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Real Madrid keeper shows his move (singular) to some African kids Iker Casillas has been visting children in Mali to pass on some of his knowledge to them. And thanks to his efforts the youngsters are now well equipped for standing around looking awkward in European nightclubs. They still can't take penalties, but their dancing has [.

Jermaine Pennant signs for Real Zaragoza, immediately serves up backhanded compliment

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Winger shuns 'big teams' to slum it in Spain You heard it here first that Jermaine Pennant was about to sign for a Spanish club. We guessed at Espanyol, but it turns out that newly-promoted Real Zaragoza was his final destination after flying in to Barcelona. The ex-Liverpool man passed a medical at his new club yesterday [.

Sir Alex Ferguson’s phone calls allegedly hacked by News of the World

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As if managers weren't stressed enough, they now have phone tapping to deal with! Sir Alex Ferguson and Alan Shearer are among the alleged victims of the News of the World phone tapping scandal. The Manchester United boss and the in-limbo possible future/former Newcastle manager are both said to have left messages on the hacked phone [.

Sensational new football signing

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Proof that Manchester City no longer have any use for a trophy cabinet

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Mark Hughes loves to talk about his sideboard It has been so long since Manchester City won any silverware that the club seemingly no longer has a trophy cabinet, let alone a trophy room. That is if manager Mark Hughes' comments are anything to go by. Sparky appears to be obsessed with picking up a trophy to [.

Coronation Street gets shifted for footie

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ITV soap loses its Wednesday night primetime slot If any indication of the power of football was needed, surely this is it. ITV bosses are moving long-running soap Coronation Street from its traditional Wednesday evening 7.30pm slot to ensure that they can bring you coverage of Steve Rider's cardboard hairdo whenever they like.

Is secretive Jermaine Pennant moving to La Liga?

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Former Kop star makes hush-hush visit to Barcelona Ex-Liverpool winger Jermaine Pennant could be on his way to the Spanish league after making a secret trip to Barcelona. OTP spies spotted the 26-year-old on an Easyjet flight from Liverpool to Barcelona yesterday evening. But Pennant was reluctant to talk about his trip as he arrived in Spain.

Emmanuel Adebayor gets his own spoof marketing brochure

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Arseblog does its best to shift Ade Emmanuel Adebayor is following in the footsteps of Michael Owen and his ultimately successful advertising brochure with his own promotional leaflet. The tongue-in-cheek document has been produced by Arseblog. You can click here to view the other pages.


Video: Norwegian player gets his eye poked during goal celebration

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Another hilarous celebration from Scandinavia During the recent match between Bryne and Stavanger, Bryne's Karl Morten HÃ¥land's involvement in the team's goal celebration was abruptly cut short when he was poked in the eye by a leaping Christian Gauseth. Equally funny as the incident itself was Gaulseth's post-match comments.

Has nobody told Arjen Robben that, in fact, he is Real Madrid’s 12th man?

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Ironic Real advertising campaign Fans of Arjen Robben's shiny cranium, this new Adidas viral is a real treat for you. As you have probably noticed, the big Adidas-supplied teams are putting out these 12th man campaigns, supposedly alluding to the fans. The irony is that after Real Madrid's big-name attacking signings, Robben himself is not likely to [.

Top five worst new Premier League kits

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The nastiest new shirt designs 1. Bolton home Wanderers have been churning out some pretty awful home kits in recent years, and this is the worst of a bad bunch in OTP's opinion. As we already mentioned, it looks like Bolton will be fulfilling the Premier League's barcode quote in Newcastle's absence.

Lookalikes: Roger Federer’s Wimbledon-winning top and Arsenal’s new third kit

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A tennis-themed Nike-a-like A pretty close match, we are sure you will agree. The only difference being that Roger Federer wore his for his biggest game of the season, whereas Arsenal will wear this shirt when they play away from home against a team whose home shirt is red and navy (ie not too often over [.

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Video: Real Madrid fans try to mob Cristiano Ronaldo

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More Cristiano Ronaldo presentation footage Cristiano Ronaldo was forced to flee, or at least break into the Peter Kay dad run, after Real Madrid fans decided they would like to give him a personal welcome to the club with their hands. There was chairs flying aplenty as pitch invaders took on the security team in an [.

BBC makes Marcus Berg the oldest European Under 21 Golden Boot winner ever!

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That hardly seems fair If you were wondering why Sweden U21 striker Marcus Berg was running rings around most defenders he came up against at the recent European Under 21 Championships it was because he was about four years older than most of the other players in the tournament. That's according to the BBC gossip column, [.

Nike help Manuel Almunia to stop conceding goals

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Oh! He's just managed to Photoshop it over the bar! We are a bit late to the party on this one having being dragged away from OTP Towers yesterday, but our friends at Twofootedtackle have dug up this gem. Nike's crack squad of marketeers and Photoshoppers decided this image of Manuel Almunia hanging in mid-air was [.

Imagine spending £80 million on a new player only to find out he can’t even do keepy-uppies and likes kissing little boys

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Cristiano Ronaldo shows off his ball skills at presentation ceremony Cristiano Ronaldo was unveiled at the Santiago Bernabeu last night and showed that, just like English, he can only speak Spanish if he says all the letters the Portoogisch way, that he can't do keepy-uppies and that he enjoys passionate moments with young boys.

Sir Alex Ferguson’s replacement for Cristiano Ronaldo might be a bit too old

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Fergie shows first signs of C-Ron withdrawal symptoms It looks like Sir Alex Ferguson thinks he has found the perfect replacement for Cristiano Ronaldo. Some one with a profile nearly as high as Ronaldo's, better looks than Ronaldo, and seemingly the same fashion sense as Ronaldo. He couldn't quite bring himself to go as far as [.

10-year-old Cristiano Ronaldo’s registration card (with photo)

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Baby Ronaldo's registration with his local FA Real Madrid might have just secured Cristiano Ronaldo's registration forms, but once upon a time they were the property of Andorinha of C-Ron's native Madeira. The handsome young chap sporting a fine Wafro and looking a bit like a young Napoleon Dynamite is the world's most expensive footballer when [.

Video: Germany U21s are the best in Europe, but they can’t take a free-kick

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Set-piece fail Here's a funny clip from the recent European Under 21 Championships that we missed. Mesut Özil might have been England's tormentor in the final, but against Spain he was only tormenting himself. Özil and team-mate Marko Marin could not conjure up a free-kick between them. They found at a bit too late that they [.

Video: Cristiano Ronaldo passes his Real Madrid medical

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A good look at football's most expensive thumb Apologies for the lack of posts on OTP today: we've had other business to attend to. But here is Cristiano Ronaldo passing his medical at Real Madrid and proudly parading his thumb afterwards. A crowd of Spanish photographers desperately try to get the thumb pointing in their direction.

Michael Owen signs for Manchester United

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File under 'things you never thought you'd see' It still feels like a Photoshop somehow. Perhaps an entry into The Guardian's Gallery on the theme of Michael Owen's dreams. But no, it's true: Sir Alex Ferguson has snapped up the ex-Newcastle man before he had even had chance to sign-on this week. United were clearly attracted to [.

Top 10 English football exports to Turkey

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As Darius Vassell mulls over a move to Turkey, we look at those who have blazed the trail for him. 1. Colin Kazim Richards CKR - the Coca Cola Kid - not only made himself at home in Turkey, he bagged a Champions League goal for Fenerbahce against Chelsea and broke into the Turkish national team. He [.

Video: Michael Owen appears on Dragons’ Den

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I'm out. Everyone's out Spotted on 101GG


Video: Is this madman Cristiano Ronaldo?

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Footage of the window-kicking incident Remember we told you Cristiano Ronaldo had smashed a car window over a 17-year-old who was filming him? Well, this is supposedly the footage. The alleged Ronaldo, dressed up in a crisp white shirt as he headed to, erm, and Elton John concert, is seen racing towards the camera like a lunatic.

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Newcastle find out David Edgar had moved to Burnley via Sky Sports News ticker

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Canadian defender couldn't think of anyone to tell he was leaving Newcastle found out defender David Edgar has left after eight years at the club via the television. The 22-year-old said he felt forced to leave the club and didn't even know who to contact to say he was departing for newly-promoted Burnley.

Video: Exquisite backheel flick own goal

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Scandinavian defender imitates Zlat Lars Ovrebo (not sure if he is related to the death threat ref) of Norwegian outfit Mosse scored this beautiful own goal in a recent match against HamKam. It is reminiscent of goals scored at the right end of the pitch by Zlatan Ibrahimovic. We are not sure whether this guy bottles it [.

This week’s other over-hyped unveiling… Darius Vassell

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Darius Vassell is more than a player Kaka might have attracted 50,000 to the Bernabeu, but Darius Vassell brought in a respectable 3,000 punters to urge him to sign for Turkish outfit Ankaragucu. The fans came armed with banners, placards and a level of vocal support more befitting the Second Coming than the arrival of a [.

Cristiano Ronaldo kicks in car window

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New Real Madrid signing smashes glass over 17-year-old girl Cristiano Ronaldo kicked in a car window as he hit out at a teenage girl who was allegedly filming him outside his home in Lisbon. Sara Pardal, aged 17, was covered in shards of glass and received hospital treatment for her alleged injuries, reports in the Portuguese [.

Manchester United players polish up their Indonesian

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Man Yoo squad work on their lingo skils Manchester United players have gone back to the classroom to work on their Indonesian conversation skills. In a new advert produced ahead of their annual money-spinning trip to the Far East, a handful of the squad are shown being taught some useful phrases for the trip.

Will Michael Owen be signing-on today?

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The recession claims another victim Unemployment figures are up by at least one person today: that scrounging layabout Michael Owen finds himself without work. Jobseekers in North Wales whose local Job Centre is within easy walking distance of a helipad could find themselves in esteemed company this morning since Little Mickey's Newcastle contract has expired.

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How to bet on football

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The year-round nature of football and the assortment of betting options available makes it a non-stop thrilling exercise that should not be missed. But many sports punters are intimidated by the many different teams, soccer leagues and competitions available. They simply do not know where or how to start.

Video: Norwegian player violates his praying team-mates

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"Dude, we're trying to pray." Norwegian football witnessed one of the most distasteful celebrations of all time when Sandefjord's Espen Nystuen dry humped team-mates Admir Rascic and team-mate Fenan Salcinovicran as they bowed down in prayer following Rascic's goal against Strømsgodset. Presumably inspired by Egypt's recent bum-sniffing celebration, while the two Muslim players were prostrating to [.

More Newcastle Twitter jokes from Gavin and Stacey’s Mathew Horne

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Sitcom actor rolls out more Magpies jibes Gavin and Stacey actor Mathew Horne is fast becoming a one-stop-shop for anti-Newcastle jokes. His Twitter account has once again featured a gag at the expense of the Toon. He tweeted: "I always vowed if I won the lottery, I'd buy Newcastle United Football Club.

Blackburn’s new signing can be thankful Joe Kinnear isn’t in charge

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Welcome to the Premier League, Steven Insomnia N'zonzi The Premier League Vowel Deficiency Society has a new member after Blackburn Rovers snapped up French youngster Steven N'zonzi for an undisclosed fee. The 20-year-old joins from relegated Ligue 2 side Amiens. N'zonzi will be close to fellow Frenchman Charles N'zogbia, who plays for Lancashire rivals Wigan.

Breathe easy, folks. Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid is finito. It’s been emotional

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The 't' as in Cristiano is crossed, the subsequent 'i' dotted


Video: Andy Murray’s got football skills

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Tennis star does keepy uppies Andy Murray will be attempting to break into the last four at Wimbledon later today, but on this showing he could break into the squads of the Big Four in the Premier League. The Scot is quizzed by OTP Twitter follower Tim Lovejoy about life on the tennis circuit before moving [.