I see your Kaka and Ronaldo, and I raise you... Sturridge and Turnbull Chelsea fans must be
wondering where it all went wrong for them. Real Madrid are set to unveil Kaka today... as a
pre-cursor to their biggest signing of the summer. The new moneybags in the Premier League,
Manchester City, are bickering with Samuel [.
Striker's website attacked in bid to force transfer David Villa's website has been attacked by a
hacker who wants him to move to Barcelona from Valencia. The site was taken offline after being
infiltrated by a penguin in a Barcelona kit. The hacker, going by the name Nemesis, left a message
stating: "For the love of [.
Video highlights (if that's the right word) followed by OTP's summary 1. Ouch! That title hurt to
write, even if it was broken up a bit by the 'U21â€² bits. 2. Congratulations to Ballack-era Bayer
Leverkusen on becoming the best youngsters in Europe. 3. Joe Hart, Fraizer Campbell and Gabriel
Agbonlahor was at least one suspension too far [.
Just another crazy day in Colombia Ruben Israel, the Uruguayan coach of Colombia outfit Santa Fe,
has quit his post after receiving death threats. A bit harsh, you might think: no excuse for death
threats no matter how badly the team is playing. Except Israel hasn't even taken charge of a single
... the bad news is here you are protesting for him to be sacked three years ago Former Newcastle
chairman 'Fat' Freddy Shepherd has launched a Â£60 million takeover bid. The controversial figure
is heading a consortium aiming to buy back the club he sold to Mike Ashley for Â£134m two years
ago. Shepherd was forced to [.
Brazilian coach leaves his port via internet Palmeiras coach Vanderlei Luxemburgo has used social
networking site Twitter to temporarily reduce his network of business contacts. The ex-Brazil
national team coach quit his job in a tweet on the site. He wrote: "I'm no longer the manager of
Palmeiras. I was sacked because of disagreeing with Keirrison's attitudes.
Chubby guy in scarf makes his lips vibrate You can always rely on FIFA coverage to replay moments
of great skill in slow-motion. Hence the time afforded to Brazil goalkeeper Julio Cesar's horse
impressions during last night's Confederations Cup final victory over USA>
1. USA are not the Undisputed Global Soccerball World Series Super Champions just yet. 2. Wearing
scarves needn't prevent you winning international tournaments. 3. Brazil never know when they are
supposed to be beaten. 4. OTP expects to see some unusual candidates in the semi-finals of next
year's World Cup.
Brazilian defender's t-shirt not up to scratch Sure you love him, but do you belong to him? Kaka's
smug look towards the slogan tells you he knows he is still football's number one Christian. And he
wasn't going to delve into his t-shirt collection for a minor trophy like the Confederations Cup.
Lets look up 'big' in the thesaurus and see what comes up It looks like clubs are now using
thesauruses before releasing official club statements. In these busy days of transfer windows, a
"big", "multi-million", or "undisclosed" figure doesn't cut it anymore. Following hot on the heels
of the news that Valencia would only sell David Villa [.
Isn't this supposed to be about the Confederations Cup final? Poor old Landon must have known there
was trouble ahead from the minute the first journalist told him: "I'm going to make you a question,
Donovan." He goes on to ask what the impact of Michael Jackson's death has been on the USA team and
David Beckham eat your heart out What is it with England number 7s and their inability to remain
vertical when taking a penalty? Well, we can laugh heartily at James Milner's disastrous effort
since it was of no consequence in the end. Despite their best efforts to throw it away, Stuart
Pearce and his construction team [.
England under 21 boss enjoys a touchline cuppa At the time of writing, England Under 21s are in
danger of capitulating against Sweden having let the hosts back into the semi-final at 3-2. England
were 3-0 up at half-time. Stuart Peace might have to re-think his pitchside demeanour!
Meet The Dirty Scoundrels We don't come across too many folksy acoustic tributes to League Two
clubs, so we thought this was worth bringing to your attention. We're not quite sure the line "As a
young boy I couldnt't wait / To get on the bus to Sincil Bank" tracks properly (or many of the
Wacko's other team The late Michael Jackson has been called many things over the years, but you
could not call him a gloryhunter. Not when it comes to football at least. Following on from the
footage of Jackson becoming honorary director of Exeter City, here is his only other dalliance with
English football that springs to [.
When Wacko came to St James's Park Arguably the first (and probably the last) honorary director of
a football club to take up his post with a speech on AIDS has passed away at the age of 50. The
jump in his speech from children with HIV/AIDS to the players and supporters of this football club
Caicedo a little too black to be dining out in Ecuador Manchester City's Felipe Caicedo has issued
a writ against the owners of a restaurant in his native restaurant, accusing them of racism.
Caicedo was searched and asked to identify himself by police while holidaying in the port city of
Monster fails to lure young striker AC Milan have revealed they have turned down a "monster offer"
for Brazilian starlet Alexandre Pato. Vice president Adriano Galliani said: "The only offer that
arrived was a monster offer from England, but there were and are no doubts regarding his future."
But Galliani stopped short of naming where the bid [.
"Erm, see what comes up if we type in English soccer." Financial broadcaster Bloomberg has showed
that football is probably not its number one news priority. The news channel accompanied its story
on ESPN bagging the Premier League rights with footage of Cristiano Ronaldo and Christian Dailly.
Ronaldo and Dailly have very little in common except they [.
And this week's biggest climber, up 13 places... Tut, tut, tut. Internet football hooligans. Once
decent win and they go around wrecking the joint! USA fans wasted no time in adjusting the
Wikipedia page for the FIFA World Rankings to reflect their 2-0 Confederations Cup semi-final
victory over Spain.
Spaniards attempt at gossip column monopoly continues Real Madrid's transfer policy is beginning to
frazzle OTP's brain a little bit. Granted many of the hundreds of reports about Real being
interested in particular players are entirely fabricated, but clearly some are not. And one of
those is their chase for Wigan's Antonio Valencia.
USA stun Spain to reach Confederations Cup final Remember we told you that Spain full-back Joan
'Rivers' Capdevila had taken a bit of a pop at the USA's Jozy Altidore? Just to refresh your
memory, Capdevila said of his Villarreal team-mate: "Yesterday he sent me a message and told me
that we had to be careful.
Sack the board or tread the boards? As a fan, being relegated is something you'd rather forget
about. And for Newcastle fans, reminiscing about last season, in the pub, is surely a no go area.
Most are still trying to convince themselves that last season never even happened. But for a select
few fans pantomime season [.
Robbers lift shirts... Now we have all heard about football players being robbed while playing, but
this is something else. Normally the thieves in question target the unoccupied homes of Merseyside
millionaires. But one team in Peru suffered at the hands of criminals who broke into their stadium.
Universitario had 50 shirts and 90 pairs of [.
You know you're a laughing stock when... ... well, when comedy actors start having a joke on you,
of course. Gavin and Stacey star Mathew Horne has taken to posting jokes about Newcastle on
Twitter. He tweeted: "Earlier today I saw a Newcastle Utd season ticket nailed to a tree,I thought
'I'm having that!
Economically astute midfielder won't be happy with manager's revelations Rafa Benitez risked the
wrath of Xabi Alonso after freely admitting that he paid over the odds to sign Glen Johnson from
Portsmouth. The Spaniard paid Â£18.5 million to get his man (around Â£1.5 million more than he had
originally bid) and put the England on a [.
European champions think they are supposed to be scared... Spain laughed off a pre-Confederations
Cup semi-final warning SMS by attributing it to poor language skills. USA forward Jozy Altidore
sent a text to Villarreal team-mate Joan 'Rivers' Capdevila urging the hot favourites to watch
More rotation than a Man Utd FA Cup semi-final team Yesterday, Stuart Pearce said: "I don't know if
I will rest players. In these tournaments, if you take your foot off the gas for one moment it's
fatal. You never pick up the tempo again. I've seen it before and it won't happen here." Yesterday,
Stuart Pearce [.
Mickey Mouse comes to the Prem Michael Owen might be still passing around his GCSE Graphic Design
project, but there is only one Mickey desperate to get into the Premier League who has had any luck
so far this summer. Mickey Mouse is coming to the Premier League! Disney-owned broadcaster ESPN has
snapped up the Premier [.
Ze pre-Vorld Cup appraisal FIFA president Sepp Blatter has been telling South Africans where their
World Cup preparations are up to, and as usual it is pure comedy gold. Football's beloved leader
begins by telling the gathered subordinates that the main problem is the surprising popularity in
the world's biggest sporting event, which has left an [.
WANTED: for crimes against dignity and graphic design Remember how Little Mickey Owen's people were
pimping him around to an elite band of mid-table Premier League clubs with the aid of a 32-page
glossy leaflet? Well, that very leaflet has, predictably, found its way onto the internet. You can
view the whole brochure here and we will [.
Proof it's just 11 v 11, football matches aren't played on paper and more cliches Football is a
mixed up game, and results in Group B of the Confederations Cup only serve to prove that. It is
probably fair to say that Brazil were the best team in the group having won all three of their
"Scientific tests prove nothing burns calories like fear." Attack Cardio with Vinnie Jones from
Vinnie Jones Let ex-Wimbledon hardman Vinnie Jones hunt you down like a fat tub of lard and watch
the pounds fall off. The "actor, footballer and personal trainer" (his prioritisation) has finally
learnt to put thuggery to good use by helping chubby Americans [.
Football in financial awareness shocker! Liverpool midfielder Xabi Alonso has revealed that
footballers are feeling the pinch of recession and said it was up to Britain's political leaders to
address the problem of his dwindling salary. "Of course we footballers think about it; we are not
stupid, we keep an eye on it.
You're fired! All this business advice from Xabi Alonso got us thinking... we have never seen the
Liverpool midfielder and Alan Sugar in the same room. The wispy facial hair, the furrowed brow, and
now the pointy finger. It all adds up. While we are vaguely on the subject, if you haven't yet
watched Cassetteboy's remix of [.
Not shown: the moment South Africa's insect population descends on his face Gordon Strachan
travelled to the Confederations Cup to network for a new job but faced with the possibilty of
watching another half hour of Brazil thrashing Italy or coating his face with an ice-cream, the
cooling dessert was always going to win.
Another Premier League internet blunder Hot on the heels of Liverpool selling shirts featuring the
name of a player they haven't signed, Manchester United have ensured their were not outdone by
their bitter rivals by adding a player profile for Iker Casillas on their official website. Whether
this is the work of a rogue webmaster, a genuine [.
Not even Des can help them now As of a few minutes ago, if this chap asked Des Lynam for some live
Barclays Premier League football he would no longer be able to dish out his Setanta Freeview box.
He would instead have to make a polite excuse based around the fact that the Premier League [...]
England U21 keeper shows you his moves England under 21 skipper Nedum Onuoha has outed himself as
the cameraman behind this clip of team-mate Joe Hart showing off some crazy dance moves. The
performance took place last year when the pair were rooming together on Manchester City duty.
Onuoha said: "I filmed his dance that is now [.
A unique solution to communication problems It is often said that modern footballers don't talk as
much on the pitch as they ought to, and that mouthy team-mates in the Jamie Carragher mould are a
dying breed. Egypt have solved the problem by ensuring that a healthy proportion of their defence
is called Said.
There a lots of reasons to watch this video! 1) It features what was very nearly the best England
comedy own goal since Gary Neville sent a backpass Paul Robinson's way one fateful night. 2) It
features a stunning penalty save from Spain's Premier League target Sergio Asenjo. 3) It features a
lovely finish from Fraizer Campbell.
Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before Click to enlarge. A careless web designer
has once again left a football club red-faced after Liverpool's official website put Glen Johnson
personalised shirts up for sale last night. Rumours that the Portsmouth and England right-back is
on his way to Anfield in an Â£18 million move [.
Italian hardman shows off his Y-fronts It is a good job this didn't happen every time Jurgen
Klinsmann hit the deck in this fashion or he would probably be on the Sex Offenders Register by
now. During last night's defeat to Egypt, Italy midfielder Gennaro Gattuso somehow ended up with
his brown shorts around his ankles [.
Egypt get a sniff of victory against Italy Gay rights in football have come a long way in 24 hours.
Just yesterday we told you about the homosexual referee who had lost his licence because of his
sexuality. And today we have Egyptian players doing this on the pitch. Q. What had caused this
display of homoerotic [.
Serie A giants say "Fangs, but no fangs" to Porto defender Porto left-back Aly Cissokho has seen
his transfer to AC Milan collapse over concerns about his teeth. The Italians are thought to have
pulled out of the deal because Porto refused to budge on the fee despite a medical showing dental
problems which Milan think [.
... a petrol station In arguably today's most shocking football news, it has been revealed that
Spain star David Villa drives around the country looking like a hairy mess (and with pretty poor
visibility we imagine) taking advantage of the bathroom facilities at Cepsa petrol stations to get
himself into shape.
If you thought it was Waltzing Matilda prepare to be disappointed Australia's Dutch coach Pim
Verbeek was so keen to integrate himself in Aussie life that he drank his bodyweight in Foster's
and hypnotised a stray cow promised to sing the national anthem, Advance Australia Fair, on TV if
they qualified for the 2010 World Cup.
Allow the Ã¼ber-wooden Bryan Robson to refresh your memory Prepare to read bizarre press releases
citing a Western hegemony and anti-communist conspiracy for a group stage World Cup exit: North
Korea have qualified for South Africa. A 0-0 draw with Saudi Arabia secured North Korea's first
World Cup qualification since 1966.
Chelsea handed Uefa sanctions Didier Drogba has been banned for four Champions League matches, with
a further two-match ban suspended for two years following Chelsea's Champions League semi-final
defeat to Barcelona. Jose Bosingwa received a three-game ban, with a one-match suspended ban, and
Chelsea were fined Â£85,000.
Turkish FA give gay ref red card A Turkish referee is preparing to go to the European Court of
Human Rights after allegedly being stripped of his licence for being gay. Halil Ibrahim Dincdag,
aged 33, had his refereeing licence revoked after coming out on a TV show last month. He said: "I
have not committed a [.
The laptop has spoken 1. Newcastle and West Brom get to play Premier League for one more week. That
will be nice for them! 2. It is a baptism of fire for Birmingham. They will be hoping an opening
day tonking by Manchester United doesn't set the tone for the season. 3. Chelsea v Liverpool at
Anfield on [.
Ex-Liverpool player plays with an egg Michael Robinson has had an unusual career path. The former
Liverpool and Republic of Ireland striker went to Osasuna in Spain to see out time on his career
and seemingly loved it. He learnt the lingo, stayed on in Spain after retiring and became one of
the country's best-loved sports [.
Sunderland loanee finds new job Are Sunderland going to make a permanent move for Djibril Cisse?
Ich no think so. It has become necessary to seek alternative employment as a model with Sacha Baron
Cohen comedy creation Bruno. It wouldn't surprise me if Cisse had genuinely worn an outfit like
that in his time, but one [.
With Liverpool tipped to make a bid for Portsmouth's Glen Johnson, OTP looks at Rafa's problem
position 1. Jan Kromkamp Plucked from Villarreal where he was struggling to come to terms with the
Spanish language, the Dutchman came to Liverpool where he struggled to come to terms with English
Italian-American is definitely Italian today Ex-Manchester United striker Giuseppe Rossi was
Italy's goalscoring hero last night as he bagged a brace to help the Azzurri come from a goal down
to beat 10-man USA. That is the same USA where Rossi was born and spent the first 13 years of his
life. I have read some [.
German defender talks sense When your club is throwing Â£80million here and Â£62million there on
new players and breaking the world transfer record becomes an almost daily activity, it is easy for
a player to get carried away. Not so for Real Madrid defender Christoph Metzelder who seems
genuinely disgusted at the way his club is conducted [.
Ahmed El Mohamady does a Steven Taylor Brazil sneaked a 4-3 victory over Egypt in last night's
Confederations Cup match after a last-gasp Kaka penalty. The spot-kick was awarded by English
referee Howard Webb after Ahmed El Mohamady handled Lucio's shot on the line. El Mohamdy rolled
around on the line clutching his face and pretending to [.
Finnish U21 goalie tries to get himself noticed The current European Under 21 Championship is a
great opportunity for young footballers to put themselves in the shop window. It seems the shop
chosen by Finland keeper Anssi Jaakkola is the We Love Erasure Barber Shop. Jaakkola conceded twice
last night as 10-man England ground out a 2-1 [.
Peru leave player behind after World Cup qualifier Peru lost one of their players after leaving the
team hotel without him following their World Cup qualification match in Colombia. The squad decided
to leave their base to return to Peru earlier than expected, but nobody told poor Hernan Rengifo.
The striker was left stranded in the hotel [.
Goldenballs launches his new Armani ad One would imagine The Beatles occasionally got tired of
writing new songs only to have them drowned out by the screams of young women whenever they tried
to play them. Likewise David Beckham. Well, he hasn't written a new ditty, but he did want to tell
everyone how high confidence [.
As football's finest head to foreign beaches, OTP looks at the shenanigans they'll be getting up to
1. Las Vegas Make sure you don't... Get caught cheating on your fiancee, like Frank Lampard 2. Ayia
Napa Make sure you don't... Encourage people to take pictures of you completely starkers except for
a Budweiser label, like Don Hutchison; film a [.
Telegraph get in a picture muddle This morning's Daily Telegraph is suffering a severe bout of
mistaken Paul Robinsons. A story claiming that Tony Mowbray wants his West Brom skipper Paul
Robinson to join him at Celtic should he get the job, is accompanied by a photo of Blackburn keeper
When getting 'sources close to you' to tell the press where you want to go fails... Newcastle
striker (for a few more days at least) Michael Owen has created a glossy brochure offering his
services to a selection of Premier League clubs he has taken a fancy to. The 34-page document tells
the chosen clubs why [.
Magpies pay midfielder extra to disgrace them A neat little summary of the mess Newcastle United
have got themselves into popped up over the weekend when it emerged that they pay Joey Barton
Â£650,000 a year for his image rights. That is on top of Â£2.75 million salary. Off The Post would
suggest that Barton's image rights [.
Striker deflects goal-bound effort It is a sad day for Off The Post. Uncle Bernard has brought
shame on the Parker family with this shocking miss/clearance against Iraq yesterday. In the closing
moments of the opening match of the Confederations Cup, Parker managed to block a certain goal from
Kagisho Dikgacoi by diverting the header away from [.
The clock is running down as CFR Cluj coast to a 3-0 win over Timisoara in the Romanian cup final.
Supporters of the losing team decide to invade the pitch and one of the troublemakers appears to
pull a goal back for his side! Despite his best goal-poacher's celebration we are not 100 per cent
The guys over at 888 are covering all the latest sports and online gaming events. And they are
currently putting a bit of focus on the Down Under market: the home of Tim Cahill, Mark Viduka and,
erm, Mark Bosnich. 888's sports betting Australia section features many sports options, including
Running across a busy road might get you killed, but think of the joy it will bring Presumably
either by or inspired by the man behind the Alan Shearer Â£1 Shop, the latest visual gag on
Tyneside is this road sign directing away fans to Sid James's Park. The sign has a sister one just
down the [...]
1. Innocent Mdeldle to get sent off. 2. A Brazil-Spain final. Pioneers of samba football vs the
current standard-bearers of samba football. 3. A USA-Iraq match, and not necessarily for
footballing reasons! 4. Italy to open up for once and not employ negative tactics. If their 4-3 win
over New Zealand is anything to go by, looks [.
Uncool There is no good excuse for punching a woman, especially not if the only thing she had done
wrong is try to stop you and another bloke knocking seven bells out of each other. The Mexican fan
at the match between Indios de Ciudad JuÃ¡rez and Pachuca doesn't see it that way and happily gives
Classic schoolboy prank from Gunners Airports can be pretty dull places, but not when the cheeky
scamps from the Arsenal Supporters Club Bulgaria are on hand. Allegedly waiting at Sofia airport to
greet Gunners legend Liam Brady as the Republic of Ireland team landed, the group had also come
armed to play a prank on Spurs [.
Manchester United accept potentially world record-breaking Â£80 million bid I'm not watching Sky
Sports News at the moment, but I imagine their news ticker might have exploded by now. Manchester
United have confirmed they have accepted an Â£80 million bid from Real Madrid to sign Cristiano
Ronaldo. A statement on the club's official website confirms this.
1. As we concluded after the Kazakhstan game, with all the problems of knackered players and
bulging fixture lists (and the prospect of next season being extremely long for the top players) it
is not really necessary for us to be discovering in the middle of June that, in fact, England are
better than Andorra.
Take Zlat Sweden striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic got away with a pretty petulant slap on a Malta
defender during last night's match. To be fair the defender was probably giving it a bit of verbal,
mouthing off, pulling his shirt - you know, generally being a Malteser. Spotted on 101GG
A sign of things to come... Wayne Rooney being gleefully manhandled whilst surrounded by a mismatch
array of comical opponents. Oh, and the attendance in this scene is probably about the same as it
will be at the match.
They both hate immigrants Italy coach Marcello Lippi has welcomed Kaka's move from AC Milan to Real
Madrid, and is hoping Serie A clubs ship out a few more pesky foreigners over the summer. Lippi
allowed his xenophobic side to flourish after the Brazilian's record-breaking transfer to Spain. He
said: "The more foreigners that leave Italy, the [.
Over to RvN... Just so Gary Neville knows what to do when he fires home his 30-yard screamer! This
Andorra defender was not very professional when Ruud Van Nistelrooy missed a penalty against them.
But Ruud soon got his goal and a yellow card, and the Andorran got his comeuppance.
If you've got Â£100 million and a Hotmail account, Magpies could be yours Newcastle owner Mike
Ashley has proved once and for all that he has less class than the knee-high white Donnay socks he
flogs at Sports Direct by putting the club up for sale by email. A statement on Newcastle's
official website (talk about [.
Forewarned is forearmed Belgian football nearly witnessed a tragedy this week when SV Roeselare's
Anthony Van Loo suffered a heart attack on the pitch. Thankfully, the 20-year-old was aware he had
a heart condition and had been fitted with an implanted defibrillator. The device automatically
delivers a shock four seconds after the heart arrests.
Stuart Pearce defends 'disrespectful' move England under 21s deployed goalkeeper Joe Lewis as an
emergency substitute striker as they coasted to a 7-0 friendly win over Azerbaijan. The
Peterborough keeper experienced life on a football pitch without the aid of gloves as he came on as
a 75th minute replacement for Wigan's Lee Cattermole.
Marketing for dummies, by AC Milan It is quite easy really: simply sell your star asset for a world
record transfer fee so that your sponsors logo will be featured in every news outlet in the world.
Secondly, sell him to a club which also happens to share the same sponsor. I BELONG TO BWIN,
UAE keeper gets his priorities muddled Most keepers would rather avoid conceding a corner if at all
possible, but when it is a straight choice between conceding a corner or conceding a goal common
sense dictates that the corner would be preferable. But common sense is apparently something United
Arab Emirates goalie Majed Naser is lacking.
OTP offers up some football curses that even your granny can say under her breath! 1. Zoran ToÅ¡iÄ‡
Example: You're the biggest ToÅ¡iÄ‡ I've ever met. 2. John Utaka Example: Shove that up Utaka. 3.
Chris Gunter Example: You are such a Gunter. 4. Maynor Figueroa Example: I don't give a Figueroa...
Say hello once again to Jerome Cameron One Mirror journalist will be suitably annoyed this morning
that a sub-editor writing the headline on his story on Birmingham City striker Cameron Jerome
decided his name would be better the other way round. It seems the newly-named striker will be
hoping to continue to forge partnerships with Phillips [.
1. It was all a bit of a waste of time and airplane fuel really, wasn't it? OK, Kazakhstan held out
until nearly half-time and might have taken a shock lead but the match reminds you that there are
easy games in international football. 2. All the training with Robinho has obviously brought Gareth
Barry's finishing [.
I thought Albanians were pale with blond hair... These Albanian supports have clearly got: a) a lot
of time on their hands b) a very good grasp of English c) a healthy dislike of Cristiano Ronaldo
This may at first glance look like a pretty low-brow (albeit funny) jibe at the preening
Portuguese. But dig a little deeper and it [.
Hearts youngster out-of-pocket after shock selection OTP imagines that plenty of teams at the
imminent European U21 Championship will have a diver on the wing, but England have unexpectedly
opted for a Driver instead. So unexpected, in fact, that Hearts winger Andrew Driver had already
got his summer holiday booked.
That's a bit harsh This poor chap wants to talk about Notts County's takeover, but ends up with a
caption he probably didn't want. In the process Sky Sports managed to create the most prominent use
of the c-word in one of their reports since they stopped asking Steven Bywater onto their shows! [.
Baby-faced striker reckons mean whiskers stop him getting bullied Theo Walcott has revealed that he
grew his barely visible facial hair to stop team-mates from picking on his boyish looks. The
Arsenal striker (is that what he is these days, or not?) grew the bum fluff to stop name-calling
from other Arsenal players.
Juan Jnr is a dirty boy The jovial surroundings of Roma's end-of-season party following last week's
match against Torino was probably not the best time for the tiny son of Juan to establish himself
as a midfield hardman. But the kid was not going to let some Scandinavian Liverpool reject three
times his height take the [.
It's all for charidee, mate Setanta Sports commentators Jon Champion and Chris Waddle have been
handed a potential banana skin as they attempt to come through Saturday's match between England and
Kazakhstan without dropping in any football cliches. The cash-strapped broadcaster has promised
Â£5,000 to the Bobby Moore Fund for Cancer Research UK, but they will knock [.
I'll be back...ing the American bid If I had written this sentence around the time Terminator first
came out it would have seemed more far-fetched than the plot of the movie itself, but here goes:
The Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, has announced his support for the USA's bid to
host the World Cup via Twitter [.
That's a grand total of one person wanting him to stay then Joey Barton has provided Newcastle fans
with the news they have been waiting for: he would be willing to let them continue to pay him
Â£60,000 a week while he works his way through a series of suspensions, injuries, jail sentences
and spells in [.
With the start of the Confederations Cup less than two weeks away, OTP takes a look at some of the
names you ought to be watching out for 1. Nilmar The 24-year-old Internacional striker has had the
early part of his career ravaged by long-term injuries, but the man who scored the winner against
Barcelona in the [.
Brazilian star prefers move to Premier League Today's papers are full of rumours that Chelsea have
launched a Â£73.5 million bid to derail Kaka's proposed move to Real Madrid. The Blues were handed
the initiative as Kaka returned to Brazil for international duty and AC Milan drag their heels over
finalising the deal because owner Silvio [.
Don't pass to me just now - I'm barfing... again Rosenborg youngster Per Ciljan Skjelbred is tipped
for big things in football, but at present his most notable on-pitch contributions come in the form
of carrot chunks. Poor Per can't seem to keep anything down him at the minute. Last weekend,
Skjelbred was in the process of [.
Spurs defender's presentation skills put to the test Tottenham centre-back Michael Dawson has
revealed he is often the butt of changing room jokes. The ex-Nottingham Forest man has been an easy
target of fun-poking ever since he arrived at White Hart Lane. He told Hotspur magazine: "The lads
seem to think it's funny to play tricks on [.
1. An end to the Cristiano Ronaldo transfer saga. One way or the other. Either go or come out and
say the final answer is that you don't want to go. 2. Rafael Benitez and Sir Alex Ferguson
indulging in pre-season Facebook mind-games. Twitter would be fine too. 3. Phil Brown conducting a
pre-season training session in [.
Discount Geordie emporium If you want to grab a bargain get yourself down to Shearer's Â£1 shop.
Everything's a pound. Except Mark Viduka: he is about 250lbs. This sign has been genuinely fitted
by a Sunderland-supporting professional signmaker! Spotted on The Spoiler
Carlo beats up angels Chelsea's new coach Carlo Ancelotti also has a sideline as an actor. The
ex-Milan man has appeared in a few Italian films (all football-themed). Here he is making his debut
in the 1983 film Don Camillo. Ancelotti is one of the secret weapons of a team of devils as they
battle it [.
Play to the whistle, son This bizarre action comes from a Norwegian second division match between
Skeid Oslo and LovHam. Skeid keeper Beau Molenaar will forever curse the advantage rule after this
incident. A LovHam attack breaks down after the ball is played through to their striker in an
offside position, and the ball travels through [.
Ex-Portsmouth manager reveals intricate details of his non-existent deal with Bhoys Tony Adams has
been hung out to dry (if you pardon the connotations) after going live on radio to say he was on
the verge of becoming Celtic's new manager. Former Celtic boss Wim Jansen dismissed Adams' claims
that he would re-join the club in [.
Six of the best from the man who said "I don't want to be eating my own words" As super-ambitious
Gareth Barry finally fulfils his lifelong dream of playing Champions League football having a rich
Arab sugar daddy, OTP looks back at his careful Â£Â£Â£ though-process Â£Â£Â£ behind the Â£Â£Â£
Do you see those things in the right sidebar? Those are adverts - the money they make is what keeps
Off The Post going. No adverts, no Off The Post. So if someone is kind enough to place an advert
with us, if you could click it and see if it's of interest then you [...]
FA Cup celebrations turn to sexual assault Overlooking the fact that Jose Bosingwa should take a
good look in the mirror and ask himself if he should really be at the front of Chelsea's FA Cup
victory celebrations, this video features the Portuguese full-back being touched inappropriately by
A: Zero. Barry does it for them Patrice Evra has done wonders for football players' reputations
with this morning's tabloids picking up on a quote revealing that Manchester United's players have
a team of handymen on call to perform the simplest of DIY tasks. Headed by player liaison manager
Barry Moorhouse, the gofers are available 24 hours [.
How Pep got his Gladiators prepped We thought it was a bit far-fetched to suggest that Coldplay had
motivated Barcelona to leave their Rome changing room, let alone defeat Manchester United, so now
here is the real motivation. This is a Pep Guardiola-commissioned film which was shown to the
players just before the Champions League final.
Italian conducts first interview with the help of a script prompt Chelsea's newly-appointed coach
Carlo Ancelotti veered away from the script in his first interview in English. The ex-AC Milan
coach knew that Chelsea has a great something, but couldn't quite recall what he had been told it
was. Fortunately, the Jeremy Paxman-esque interviewer from Chelsea [.
Wisdom teeth are this season's metatarsals Yesterday OTP told you how Florent Malouda had
attributed his flourishing form to an operation in January to remove his wisdom teeth. The French
winger said having the teeth taken out had cured niggling muscle problems he had been getting.
While the science behind this is a bit lost on us, [.
Carlo Ancelotti also accustomed to flouting the smoking ban As Guus Hiddink walks off into the
sunset with the FA Cup under his arm, his cigar in his mouth and one eye looking out for any
representatives from Brent Council who might like to fine him, Chelsea have wasted no time in
appointing Carlo Ancelotti as [.
Dentistry behind Frenchman's turn around in form If you thought Florent Malouda was having some
teething problems at Chelsea following his big money move from Lyon in 2007 then you were closer to
the truth than you might have expected. It seems the Frenchman's disappointing first
season-and-a-half in English football were cured by some time in the [.
Like two peas in a pod Hmm, this lookalike is a bit too good to be true. They are, in fact, one and
the same. Sulaiman al-Fahim fronted the Abu Dhabi United (the name still makes me snigger) takeover
of Manchester City before mysteriously disappearing out of sight. He has now re-emerged as the
all-but-signed-on-the-dotted-line new oener [.
1. It was more satisfying to see Chelsea win the FA Cup in yellow. It made a change from the red or
blue monotony the Big Four usual hold. It was like Oxford United had won or something! 2. It was a
fitting farewell for Guus Hiddink after his successful babysitting stint at Chelsea. Will this
Guus-stepping In today's ultra-professional game, it is nice to know that there is still room for
the FA Cup-winning manager to prance around the changing rooms like an idiot with a towel round his
neck and smoking a massive cigar. It is also nice that said manager can then explain his tardiness
to awaiting journalists by [.
Dutchman's fat cigar broke regulations When we say "could face fine" what we mean is 'clever
tabloid journalist spots law-breaking and builds story out of it'. I suspect we won't see Guus
Hiddink extradited from Russia to pay a smoking fine, but he did break the law nonetheless. The
punishment for breaking the law on smoking [.
Jamaica boss takes on other sporting has-beens Ex-Liverpool and England star John Barnes is
football's representative in a series of head-to-head clashes organised by Mars. Barnes will face
tennis player Pat Cash, cricketer Darren Gough and rugby's Austin Healey as the old pros play each
He only wanted to congratulate his team-mate - he got six stitches! OTP is not part of a cult which
believes that Steve Bruce is a supreme being who controls all of the day-to-day goings on in the
universe, but if we were we would definitely use this as irrefutable evidence. Ex-Wigan goalscoring
machine turned bit-part [.