Off the Post Archives for January 2009

Roman Abramovich set to treat Chelsea to some Real Madrid-esque spending

Off the Post at related • 5 views
I see your Kaka and Ronaldo, and I raise you... Sturridge and Turnbull Chelsea fans must be wondering where it all went wrong for them. Real Madrid are set to unveil Kaka today... as a pre-cursor to their biggest signing of the summer. The new moneybags in the Premier League, Manchester City, are bickering with Samuel [.

David Villa gets hacked by a Barca-loving penguin

Off the Post at related • 2 views
Striker's website attacked in bid to force transfer David Villa's website has been attacked by a hacker who wants him to move to Barcelona from Valencia. The site was taken offline after being infiltrated by a penguin in a Barcelona kit. The hacker, going by the name Nemesis, left a message stating: "For the love of [.

Top five conclusions England U21 0-4 Germany U21

Off the Post at related • 1 view
Video highlights (if that's the right word) followed by OTP's summary 1. Ouch! That title hurt to write, even if it was broken up a bit by the 'U21′ bits. 2. Congratulations to Ballack-era Bayer Leverkusen on becoming the best youngsters in Europe. 3. Joe Hart, Fraizer Campbell and Gabriel Agbonlahor was at least one suspension too far [.

Coach quits team he hasn’t managed yet after death threats

Off the Post at related • 4 views
Just another crazy day in Colombia Ruben Israel, the Uruguayan coach of Colombia outfit Santa Fe, has quit his post after receiving death threats. A bit harsh, you might think: no excuse for death threats no matter how badly the team is playing. Except Israel hasn't even taken charge of a single match yet!

Good news, Newcastle fans. You might have a new owner…

Off the Post at related • 0 views
... the bad news is here you are protesting for him to be sacked three years ago Former Newcastle chairman 'Fat' Freddy Shepherd has launched a £60 million takeover bid. The controversial figure is heading a consortium aiming to buy back the club he sold to Mike Ashley for £134m two years ago. Shepherd was forced to [.

Football manager quits via Twitter

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Brazilian coach leaves his port via internet Palmeiras coach Vanderlei Luxemburgo has used social networking site Twitter to temporarily reduce his network of business contacts. The ex-Brazil national team coach quit his job in a tweet on the site. He wrote: "I'm no longer the manager of Palmeiras. I was sacked because of disagreeing with Keirrison's attitudes.

Sponsored post

Off the Post at related • 0 views


Video: Brazil keeper Julio Cesar does his best horse impression

Off the Post at related • 2 views
Chubby guy in scarf makes his lips vibrate You can always rely on FIFA coverage to replay moments of great skill in slow-motion. Hence the time afforded to Brazil goalkeeper Julio Cesar's horse impressions during last night's Confederations Cup final victory over USA>


Top 10 conclusions USA 2-3 Brazil

Off the Post at related • 1 view
1. USA are not the Undisputed Global Soccerball World Series Super Champions just yet. 2. Wearing scarves needn't prevent you winning international tournaments. 3. Brazil never know when they are supposed to be beaten. 4. OTP expects to see some unusual candidates in the semi-finals of next year's World Cup.

Kitman: Lucio fails to outdo Kaka in the Jesus stakes

Off the Post at related • 6 views
Brazilian defender's t-shirt not up to scratch Sure you love him, but do you belong to him? Kaka's smug look towards the slogan tells you he knows he is still football's number one Christian. And he wasn't going to delve into his t-shirt collection for a minor trophy like the Confederations Cup.


The Big Thesaurus of Football Transfer Gossip

Off the Post at related • 3 views
Lets look up 'big' in the thesaurus and see what comes up It looks like clubs are now using thesauruses before releasing official club statements. In these busy days of transfer windows, a "big", "multi-million", or "undisclosed" figure doesn't cut it anymore. Following hot on the heels of the news that Valencia would only sell David Villa [.

Landon Donavan and Bob Bradley forced to squirm by Michael Jackson-obsessed journalists

Off the Post at related • 1 view
Isn't this supposed to be about the Confederations Cup final? Poor old Landon must have known there was trouble ahead from the minute the first journalist told him: "I'm going to make you a question, Donovan." He goes on to ask what the impact of Michael Jackson's death has been on the USA team and whether [.

Video: James Milner’s comedy penalty miss against Sweden U21

Off the Post at related • 14 views
David Beckham eat your heart out What is it with England number 7s and their inability to remain vertical when taking a penalty? Well, we can laugh heartily at James Milner's disastrous effort since it was of no consequence in the end. Despite their best efforts to throw it away, Stuart Pearce and his construction team [.

Stuart Pearce does his best builder impression

Off the Post at related • 1 view
England under 21 boss enjoys a touchline cuppa At the time of writing, England Under 21s are in danger of capitulating against Sweden having let the hosts back into the semi-final at 3-2. England were 3-0 up at half-time. Stuart Peace might have to re-think his pitchside demeanour!


Lincoln City get their own acoustic anthem

Off the Post at related • 1 view
Meet The Dirty Scoundrels We don't come across too many folksy acoustic tributes to League Two clubs, so we thought this was worth bringing to your attention. We're not quite sure the line "As a young boy I couldnt't wait / To get on the bus to Sincil Bank" tracks properly (or many of the subsequent [.

Q. What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Sir Alex Ferguson?

Off the Post at related • 8 views
Obligatory football-themed Michael Jackson joke A. Sir Alex will still be playing Giggs in August.


Sponsored post

Off the Post at related • 0 views


Video: Michael Jackson witnesses a drab 0-0 draw between Fulham and Wigan

Off the Post at related • 10 views
Wacko's other team The late Michael Jackson has been called many things over the years, but you could not call him a gloryhunter. Not when it comes to football at least. Following on from the footage of Jackson becoming honorary director of Exeter City, here is his only other dalliance with English football that springs to [.

Former Exeter City director Michael Jackson dies

Off the Post at related • 9 views
When Wacko came to St James's Park Arguably the first (and probably the last) honorary director of a football club to take up his post with a speech on AIDS has passed away at the age of 50. The jump in his speech from children with HIV/AIDS to the players and supporters of this football club [...]


Manchester City striker makes racism allegation

Off the Post at related • 2 views
Caicedo a little too black to be dining out in Ecuador Manchester City's Felipe Caicedo has issued a writ against the owners of a restaurant in his native restaurant, accusing them of racism. Caicedo was searched and asked to identify himself by police while holidaying in the port city of Guayaquil.

Gary Glitter’s bid for Alexandre Pato turned down

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Monster fails to lure young striker AC Milan have revealed they have turned down a "monster offer" for Brazilian starlet Alexandre Pato. Vice president Adriano Galliani said: "The only offer that arrived was a monster offer from England, but there were and are no doubts regarding his future." But Galliani stopped short of naming where the bid [.

Sorry, ESPN. You’re money has bought you neither Cristiano Ronaldo nor Christian Dailly

Off the Post at related • 4 views
"Erm, see what comes up if we type in English soccer." Financial broadcaster Bloomberg has showed that football is probably not its number one news priority. The news channel accompanied its story on ESPN bagging the Premier League rights with footage of Cristiano Ronaldo and Christian Dailly. Ronaldo and Dailly have very little in common except they [.

USA allow victory over Spain to go to their Wiki heads

Off the Post at related • 1 view
And this week's biggest climber, up 13 places... Tut, tut, tut. Internet football hooligans. Once decent win and they go around wrecking the joint! USA fans wasted no time in adjusting the Wikipedia page for the FIFA World Rankings to reflect their 2-0 Confederations Cup semi-final victory over Spain.

What could Real Madrid possibly want Antonio Valencia for?

Off the Post at related • 2 views
Spaniards attempt at gossip column monopoly continues Real Madrid's transfer policy is beginning to frazzle OTP's brain a little bit. Granted many of the hundreds of reports about Real being interested in particular players are entirely fabricated, but clearly some are not. And one of those is their chase for Wigan's Antonio Valencia.

Jozy Altidore makes Joan Capdevila eat his words

Off the Post at related • 5 views
USA stun Spain to reach Confederations Cup final Remember we told you that Spain full-back Joan 'Rivers' Capdevila had taken a bit of a pop at the USA's Jozy Altidore? Just to refresh your memory, Capdevila said of his Villarreal team-mate: "Yesterday he sent me a message and told me that we had to be careful.

He’s behind you: Newcastle fans tell their story

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Sack the board or tread the boards? As a fan, being relegated is something you'd rather forget about. And for Newcastle fans, reminiscing about last season, in the pub, is surely a no go area. Most are still trying to convince themselves that last season never even happened. But for a select few fans pantomime season [.

Universitario have kit stolen ahead of big game

Off the Post at related • 1 view
Robbers lift shirts... Now we have all heard about football players being robbed while playing, but this is something else. Normally the thieves in question target the unoccupied homes of Merseyside millionaires. But one team in Peru suffered at the hands of criminals who broke into their stadium. Universitario had 50 shirts and 90 pairs of [.

Now Gavin and Stacey stars are tweeting Newcastle jokes

Off the Post at related • 3 views
You know you're a laughing stock when... ... well, when comedy actors start having a joke on you, of course. Gavin and Stacey star Mathew Horne has taken to posting jokes about Newcastle on Twitter. He tweeted: "Earlier today I saw a Newcastle Utd season ticket nailed to a tree,I thought 'I'm having that!

Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez better hope Xabi Alonso doesn’t read the The Sun as well as the Financial Times

Off the Post at related • 2 views
Economically astute midfielder won't be happy with manager's revelations Rafa Benitez risked the wrath of Xabi Alonso after freely admitting that he paid over the odds to sign Glen Johnson from Portsmouth. The Spaniard paid £18.5 million to get his man (around £1.5 million more than he had originally bid) and put the England on a [.

USA fire off badly worded pre-match text messages to Spain

Off the Post at related • 20 views
European champions think they are supposed to be scared... Spain laughed off a pre-Confederations Cup semi-final warning SMS by attributing it to poor language skills. USA forward Jozy Altidore sent a text to Villarreal team-mate Joan 'Rivers' Capdevila urging the hot favourites to watch their backs.

What Stuart Pearce says and what Stuart Pearce does

Off the Post at related • 1 view
More rotation than a Man Utd FA Cup semi-final team Yesterday, Stuart Pearce said: "I don't know if I will rest players. In these tournaments, if you take your foot off the gas for one moment it's fatal. You never pick up the tempo again. I've seen it before and it won't happen here." Yesterday, Stuart Pearce [.

Meet the Premier League’s new multi-million pound signing

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Mickey Mouse comes to the Prem Michael Owen might be still passing around his GCSE Graphic Design project, but there is only one Mickey desperate to get into the Premier League who has had any luck so far this summer. Mickey Mouse is coming to the Premier League! Disney-owned broadcaster ESPN has snapped up the Premier [.

Sepp Blatter vows to blow his trumpet, tries to impersonate African music

Off the Post at related • 1 view
Ze pre-Vorld Cup appraisal FIFA president Sepp Blatter has been telling South Africans where their World Cup preparations are up to, and as usual it is pure comedy gold. Football's beloved leader begins by telling the gathered subordinates that the main problem is the surprising popularity in the world's biggest sporting event, which has left an [.

The Michael Owen brochure surfaces… it’s as bad as it sounded

Off the Post at related • 3 views
WANTED: for crimes against dignity and graphic design Remember how Little Mickey Owen's people were pimping him around to an elite band of mid-table Premier League clubs with the aid of a 32-page glossy leaflet? Well, that very leaflet has, predictably, found its way onto the internet. You can view the whole brochure here and we will [.

Confederations Cup Group B shows why we love football… sort of

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Proof it's just 11 v 11, football matches aren't played on paper and more cliches Football is a mixed up game, and results in Group B of the Confederations Cup only serve to prove that. It is probably fair to say that Brazil were the best team in the group having won all three of their [...]


Video: Vinnie Jones will attack you into shape

Off the Post at related • 2 views
"Scientific tests prove nothing burns calories like fear." Attack Cardio with Vinnie Jones from Vinnie Jones Let ex-Wimbledon hardman Vinnie Jones hunt you down like a fat tub of lard and watch the pounds fall off. The "actor, footballer and personal trainer" (his prioritisation) has finally learnt to put thuggery to good use by helping chubby Americans [.

Xabi Alonso wades in on the financial crisis and politics

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Football in financial awareness shocker! Liverpool midfielder Xabi Alonso has revealed that footballers are feeling the pinch of recession and said it was up to Britain's political leaders to address the problem of his dwindling salary. "Of course we footballers think about it; we are not stupid, we keep an eye on it.

Football lookalikes: Xabi Alonso and Alan Sugar

Off the Post at related • 7 views
You're fired! All this business advice from Xabi Alonso got us thinking... we have never seen the Liverpool midfielder and Alan Sugar in the same room. The wispy facial hair, the furrowed brow, and now the pointy finger. It all adds up. While we are vaguely on the subject, if you haven't yet watched Cassetteboy's remix of [.

Video: Fat kid enjoys Italy 0-3 Brazil by rubbing ice cream over his face

Off the Post at related • 7 views
Not shown: the moment South Africa's insect population descends on his face Gordon Strachan travelled to the Confederations Cup to network for a new job but faced with the possibilty of watching another half hour of Brazil thrashing Italy or coating his face with an ice-cream, the cooling dessert was always going to win.

Man Utd add Iker Casillas to their squad list!

Off the Post at related • 85 views
Another Premier League internet blunder Hot on the heels of Liverpool selling shirts featuring the name of a player they haven't signed, Manchester United have ensured their were not outdone by their bitter rivals by adding a player profile for Iker Casillas on their official website. Whether this is the work of a rogue webmaster, a genuine [.

Dear Setanta Claus, Please can we have our Premier League contract back?

Off the Post at related • 2 views
Not even Des can help them now As of a few minutes ago, if this chap asked Des Lynam for some live Barclays Premier League football he would no longer be able to dish out his Setanta Freeview box. He would instead have to make a polite excuse based around the fact that the Premier League [...]


Video: Joe Hart’s mad dancing skills

Off the Post at related • 4 views
England U21 keeper shows you his moves England under 21 skipper Nedum Onuoha has outed himself as the cameraman behind this clip of team-mate Joe Hart showing off some crazy dance moves. The performance took place last year when the pair were rooming together on Manchester City duty. Onuoha said: "I filmed his dance that is now [.

Egypt employ good talkers at the back

Off the Post at related • 4 views
A unique solution to communication problems It is often said that modern footballers don't talk as much on the pitch as they ought to, and that mouthy team-mates in the Jamie Carragher mould are a dying breed. Egypt have solved the problem by ensuring that a healthy proportion of their defence is called Said.

Video: England U21 2-0 Spain U21

Off the Post at related • 0 views
There a lots of reasons to watch this video! 1) It features what was very nearly the best England comedy own goal since Gary Neville sent a backpass Paul Robinson's way one fateful night. 2) It features a stunning penalty save from Spain's Premier League target Sergio Asenjo. 3) It features a lovely finish from Fraizer Campbell.

Liverpool start selling Glen Johnson shirts

Off the Post at related • 24 views
Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before Click to enlarge. A careless web designer has once again left a football club red-faced after Liverpool's official website put Glen Johnson personalised shirts up for sale last night. Rumours that the Portsmouth and England right-back is on his way to Anfield in an £18 million move [.

Video: Gennaro Gattuso loses his shorts

Off the Post at related • 22 views
Italian hardman shows off his Y-fronts It is a good job this didn't happen every time Jurgen Klinsmann hit the deck in this fashion or he would probably be on the Sex Offenders Register by now. During last night's defeat to Egypt, Italy midfielder Gennaro Gattuso somehow ended up with his brown shorts around his ankles [.

Hard Tackle: Mohammed Zidan smells so good

Off the Post at related • 12 views
Egypt get a sniff of victory against Italy Gay rights in football have come a long way in 24 hours. Just yesterday we told you about the homosexual referee who had lost his licence because of his sexuality. And today we have Egyptian players doing this on the pitch. Q. What had caused this display of homoerotic [.

Aly Cissokho’s dream move to AC Milan called off by the dentists

Off the Post at related • 10 views
Serie A giants say "Fangs, but no fangs" to Porto defender Porto left-back Aly Cissokho has seen his transfer to AC Milan collapse over concerns about his teeth. The Italians are thought to have pulled out of the deal because Porto refused to budge on the fee despite a medical showing dental problems which Milan think [.

David Villa has signed for…

Off the Post at related • 6 views
... a petrol station In arguably today's most shocking football news, it has been revealed that Spain star David Villa drives around the country looking like a hairy mess (and with pretty poor visibility we imagine) taking advantage of the bathroom facilities at Cepsa petrol stations to get himself into shape.

Video: Australia coach Pim Verbeek sings the national anthem on TV

Off the Post at related • 0 views
If you thought it was Waltzing Matilda prepare to be disappointed Australia's Dutch coach Pim Verbeek was so keen to integrate himself in Aussie life that he drank his bodyweight in Foster's and hypnotised a stray cow promised to sing the national anthem, Advance Australia Fair, on TV if they qualified for the 2010 World Cup.

Lewis Hamilton and Heikki Kovalainen go taxt racing

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Sponsored F1 japes for your enjoyment


North Korea qualify for the World Cup… watch out Italy!

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Allow the über-wooden Bryan Robson to refresh your memory Prepare to read bizarre press releases citing a Western hegemony and anti-communist conspiracy for a group stage World Cup exit: North Korea have qualified for South Africa. A 0-0 draw with Saudi Arabia secured North Korea's first World Cup qualification since 1966.

Didier Drogba gets four-match ban for ‘f***ing disgrace’ outburst

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Chelsea handed Uefa sanctions Didier Drogba has been banned for four Champions League matches, with a further two-match ban suspended for two years following Chelsea's Champions League semi-final defeat to Barcelona. Jose Bosingwa received a three-game ban, with a one-match suspended ban, and Chelsea were fined £85,000.

Gay referee to go to court to get his job back

Off the Post at related • 23 views
Turkish FA give gay ref red card A Turkish referee is preparing to go to the European Court of Human Rights after allegedly being stripped of his licence for being gay. Halil Ibrahim Dincdag, aged 33, had his refereeing licence revoked after coming out on a TV show last month. He said: "I have not committed a [.

Top six conclusions on the new fixture list

Off the Post at related • 1 view
The laptop has spoken 1. Newcastle and West Brom get to play Premier League for one more week. That will be nice for them! 2. It is a baptism of fire for Birmingham. They will be hoping an opening day tonking by Manchester United doesn't set the tone for the season. 3. Chelsea v Liverpool at Anfield on [.

Video: English sports presenter brings rugby to the Spanish masses

Off the Post at related • 1 view
Ex-Liverpool player plays with an egg Michael Robinson has had an unusual career path. The former Liverpool and Republic of Ireland striker went to Osasuna in Spain to see out time on his career and seemingly loved it. He learnt the lingo, stayed on in Spain after retiring and became one of the country's best-loved sports [.

Liverpool sign Bent

Off the Post at related • 10 views
In case you haven't received the email yet! Is that Marcus or Darren? It doesn't really matter: a rectangular piece of metal would probably be more use than either.


Football Lookalikes: Bruno’s sidekick and Djibril Cisse and Rio Ferdinand

Off the Post at related • 9 views
Sunderland loanee finds new job Are Sunderland going to make a permanent move for Djibril Cisse? Ich no think so. It has become necessary to seek alternative employment as a model with Sacha Baron Cohen comedy creation Bruno. It wouldn't surprise me if Cisse had genuinely worn an outfit like that in his time, but one [.

Top six Rafa Benitez right-back flops

Off the Post at related • 6 views
With Liverpool tipped to make a bid for Portsmouth's Glen Johnson, OTP looks at Rafa's problem position 1. Jan Kromkamp Plucked from Villarreal where he was struggling to come to terms with the Spanish language, the Dutchman came to Liverpool where he struggled to come to terms with English football.

Americans, do you feel hatred for Giuseppe Rossi?

Off the Post at related • 22 views
Italian-American is definitely Italian today Ex-Manchester United striker Giuseppe Rossi was Italy's goalscoring hero last night as he bagged a brace to help the Azzurri come from a goal down to beat 10-man USA. That is the same USA where Rossi was born and spent the first 13 years of his life. I have read some [.

Real Madrid player slams new galactico era, shows ounce of common sense

Off the Post at related • 1 view
German defender talks sense When your club is throwing £80million here and £62million there on new players and breaking the world transfer record becomes an almost daily activity, it is easy for a player to get carried away. Not so for Real Madrid defender Christoph Metzelder who seems genuinely disgusted at the way his club is conducted [.

Video: Egypt trouble Brazil, but not the Oscar nominations

Off the Post at related • 4 views
Ahmed El Mohamady does a Steven Taylor Brazil sneaked a 4-3 victory over Egypt in last night's Confederations Cup match after a last-gasp Kaka penalty. The spot-kick was awarded by English referee Howard Webb after Ahmed El Mohamady handled Lucio's shot on the line. El Mohamdy rolled around on the line clutching his face and pretending to [.

‘Do Are Ya? Anssi Jaakkola

Off the Post at related • 3 views
Finnish U21 goalie tries to get himself noticed The current European Under 21 Championship is a great opportunity for young footballers to put themselves in the shop window. It seems the shop chosen by Finland keeper Anssi Jaakkola is the We Love Erasure Barber Shop. Jaakkola conceded twice last night as 10-man England ground out a 2-1 [.

Erm… has anybody seen Hernan?

Off the Post at related • 2 views
Peru leave player behind after World Cup qualifier Peru lost one of their players after leaving the team hotel without him following their World Cup qualification match in Colombia. The squad decided to leave their base to return to Peru earlier than expected, but nobody told poor Hernan Rengifo. The striker was left stranded in the hotel [.

Sponsored post

Off the Post at related • 0 views


Video: David Beckham attempts to talk football to a crowd more interested in his pants

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Goldenballs launches his new Armani ad One would imagine The Beatles occasionally got tired of writing new songs only to have them drowned out by the screams of young women whenever they tried to play them. Likewise David Beckham. Well, he hasn't written a new ditty, but he did want to tell everyone how high confidence [.

Top 10 bad boy footballer holiday destinations

Off the Post at related • 30 views
As football's finest head to foreign beaches, OTP looks at the shenanigans they'll be getting up to 1. Las Vegas Make sure you don't... Get caught cheating on your fiancee, like Frank Lampard 2. Ayia Napa Make sure you don't... Encourage people to take pictures of you completely starkers except for a Budweiser label, like Don Hutchison; film a [.

A tale of two Paul Robinsons

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Telegraph get in a picture muddle This morning's Daily Telegraph is suffering a severe bout of mistaken Paul Robinsons. A story claiming that Tony Mowbray wants his West Brom skipper Paul Robinson to join him at Celtic should he get the job, is accompanied by a photo of Blackburn keeper Paul Robinson.

Michael Owen sends round brochure advertising Michael Owen

Off the Post at related • 1 view
When getting 'sources close to you' to tell the press where you want to go fails... Newcastle striker (for a few more days at least) Michael Owen has created a glossy brochure offering his services to a selection of Premier League clubs he has taken a fancy to. The 34-page document tells the chosen clubs why [.

Joey Barton deal sums up Newcastle’s woes in a nutshell

Off the Post at related • 1 view
Magpies pay midfielder extra to disgrace them A neat little summary of the mess Newcastle United have got themselves into popped up over the weekend when it emerged that they pay Joey Barton £650,000 a year for his image rights. That is on top of £2.75 million salary. Off The Post would suggest that Barton's image rights [.

South Africa’s Bernard Parker secures point for Iraq with bizarre clearance

Off the Post at related • 13 views
Striker deflects goal-bound effort It is a sad day for Off The Post. Uncle Bernard has brought shame on the Parker family with this shocking miss/clearance against Iraq yesterday. In the closing moments of the opening match of the Confederations Cup, Parker managed to block a certain goal from Kagisho Dikgacoi by diverting the header away from [.

Romanian fan claims cup final goal, sparks riot

Off the Post at related • 3 views
The clock is running down as CFR Cluj coast to a 3-0 win over Timisoara in the Romanian cup final. Supporters of the losing team decide to invade the pitch and one of the troublemakers appears to pull a goal back for his side! Despite his best goal-poacher's celebration we are not 100 per cent [...]


888 football Down Under

Off the Post at related • 4 views
The guys over at 888 are covering all the latest sports and online gaming events. And they are currently putting a bit of focus on the Down Under market: the home of Tim Cahill, Mark Viduka and, erm, Mark Bosnich. 888's sports betting Australia section features many sports options, including football.

Sunderland sign pranksters take to the roads

Off the Post at related • 5 views
Running across a busy road might get you killed, but think of the joy it will bring Presumably either by or inspired by the man behind the Alan Shearer £1 Shop, the latest visual gag on Tyneside is this road sign directing away fans to Sid James's Park. The sign has a sister one just down the [...]


Top 10 things we’d like to see in the Confederations Cup

Off the Post at related • 17 views
1. Innocent Mdeldle to get sent off. 2. A Brazil-Spain final. Pioneers of samba football vs the current standard-bearers of samba football. 3. A USA-Iraq match, and not necessarily for footballing reasons! 4. Italy to open up for once and not employ negative tactics. If their 4-3 win over New Zealand is anything to go by, looks [.

Advertising hoardings bid Cristiano Ronaldo a fond farewell

Off the Post at related • 1 view
An inanimate object sums up the thoughts of thousands! Thanks to OTP reader Nick Sturdy for sending this in.


Video: When football fans punch women

Off the Post at related • 1 view
Uncool There is no good excuse for punching a woman, especially not if the only thing she had done wrong is try to stop you and another bloke knocking seven bells out of each other. The Mexican fan at the match between Indios de Ciudad Juárez and Pachuca doesn't see it that way and happily gives [.

Video: Robbie Keane autographs his penalty miss

Off the Post at related • 6 views
Classic schoolboy prank from Gunners Airports can be pretty dull places, but not when the cheeky scamps from the Arsenal Supporters Club Bulgaria are on hand. Allegedly waiting at Sofia airport to greet Gunners legend Liam Brady as the Republic of Ireland team landed, the group had also come armed to play a prank on Spurs [.

Sponsored post

Off the Post at related • 0 views
var vaunit_unit_type=0; var vaunit_width=300; var vaunit_height=250; var vaunit_id=256;


Cristiano Ronaldo to Read Madrid is ON, folks

Off the Post at related • 1 view
Manchester United accept potentially world record-breaking £80 million bid I'm not watching Sky Sports News at the moment, but I imagine their news ticker might have exploded by now. Manchester United have confirmed they have accepted an £80 million bid from Real Madrid to sign Cristiano Ronaldo. A statement on the club's official website confirms this.

Top five conclusions England 6-0 Andorra

Off the Post at related • 0 views
1. As we concluded after the Kazakhstan game, with all the problems of knackered players and bulging fixture lists (and the prospect of next season being extremely long for the top players) it is not really necessary for us to be discovering in the middle of June that, in fact, England are better than Andorra.

Video: Zlatan Ibrahimovic slaps a Malta player

Off the Post at related • 15 views
Take Zlat Sweden striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic got away with a pretty petulant slap on a Malta defender during last night's match. To be fair the defender was probably giving it a bit of verbal, mouthing off, pulling his shirt - you know, generally being a Malteser. Spotted on 101GG


A sneak preview of Andorra’s tactics tonight

Off the Post at related • 1 view
A sign of things to come... Wayne Rooney being gleefully manhandled whilst surrounded by a mismatch array of comical opponents. Oh, and the attendance in this scene is probably about the same as it will be at the match.


What do Marcello Lippi and the BNP have in common?

Off the Post at related • 0 views
They both hate immigrants Italy coach Marcello Lippi has welcomed Kaka's move from AC Milan to Real Madrid, and is hoping Serie A clubs ship out a few more pesky foreigners over the summer. Lippi allowed his xenophobic side to flourish after the Brazilian's record-breaking transfer to Spain. He said: "The more foreigners that leave Italy, the [.

The correct way to celebrate a goal against Andorra

Off the Post at related • 1 view
Over to RvN... Just so Gary Neville knows what to do when he fires home his 30-yard screamer! This Andorra defender was not very professional when Ruud Van Nistelrooy missed a penalty against them. But Ruud soon got his goal and a yellow card, and the Andorran got his comeuppance.


Newcastle put up for sale by email

Off the Post at related • 8 views
If you've got £100 million and a Hotmail account, Magpies could be yours Newcastle owner Mike Ashley has proved once and for all that he has less class than the knee-high white Donnay socks he flogs at Sports Direct by putting the club up for sale by email. A statement on Newcastle's official website (talk about [.

Belgian player has heart attack, sits up seconds later

Off the Post at related • 23 views
Forewarned is forearmed Belgian football nearly witnessed a tragedy this week when SV Roeselare's Anthony Van Loo suffered a heart attack on the pitch. Thankfully, the 20-year-old was aware he had a heart condition and had been fitted with an implanted defibrillator. The device automatically delivers a shock four seconds after the heart arrests.

England under 21 keeper Joe Lewis plays as a striker

Off the Post at related • 2 views
Stuart Pearce defends 'disrespectful' move England under 21s deployed goalkeeper Joe Lewis as an emergency substitute striker as they coasted to a 7-0 friendly win over Azerbaijan. The Peterborough keeper experienced life on a football pitch without the aid of gloves as he came on as a 75th minute replacement for Wigan's Lee Cattermole.

How to sell your best player and keep your sponsor happy

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Marketing for dummies, by AC Milan It is quite easy really: simply sell your star asset for a world record transfer fee so that your sponsors logo will be featured in every news outlet in the world. Secondly, sell him to a club which also happens to share the same sponsor. I BELONG TO BWIN, anyone? [.

Video: You might score a goal… BUT YOU’LL NEVER GET A CORNER!

Off the Post at related • 2 views
UAE keeper gets his priorities muddled Most keepers would rather avoid conceding a corner if at all possible, but when it is a straight choice between conceding a corner or conceding a goal common sense dictates that the corner would be preferable. But common sense is apparently something United Arab Emirates goalie Majed Naser is lacking.

Top 10 Premier League players to drop into conversation as fictional swear words

Off the Post at related • 0 views
OTP offers up some football curses that even your granny can say under her breath! 1. Zoran Tošić Example: You're the biggest Tošić I've ever met. 2. John Utaka Example: Shove that up Utaka. 3. Chris Gunter Example: You are such a Gunter. 4. Maynor Figueroa Example: I don't give a Figueroa... 5.

The tabloids’ favourite fictional footballer is back

Off the Post at related • 1 view
Say hello once again to Jerome Cameron One Mirror journalist will be suitably annoyed this morning that a sub-editor writing the headline on his story on Birmingham City striker Cameron Jerome decided his name would be better the other way round. It seems the newly-named striker will be hoping to continue to forge partnerships with Phillips [.

Top five conclusions Kazakhstan 0-4 England

Off the Post at related • 0 views
1. It was all a bit of a waste of time and airplane fuel really, wasn't it? OK, Kazakhstan held out until nearly half-time and might have taken a shock lead but the match reminds you that there are easy games in international football. 2. All the training with Robinho has obviously brought Gareth Barry's finishing [.

Albanian fans crown Cristiano Ronaldo as Miss World

Off the Post at related • 19 views
I thought Albanians were pale with blond hair... These Albanian supports have clearly got: a) a lot of time on their hands b) a very good grasp of English c) a healthy dislike of Cristiano Ronaldo This may at first glance look like a pretty low-brow (albeit funny) jibe at the preening Portuguese. But dig a little deeper and it [.

England under 21 call-up costs Andrew Driver a fortune

Off the Post at related • 1 view
Hearts youngster out-of-pocket after shock selection OTP imagines that plenty of teams at the imminent European U21 Championship will have a diver on the wing, but England have unexpectedly opted for a Driver instead. So unexpected, in fact, that Hearts winger Andrew Driver had already got his summer holiday booked.

Video: Why Sky Sports News might be looking for a new cameraman this morning

Off the Post at related • 2 views
That's a bit harsh This poor chap wants to talk about Notts County's takeover, but ends up with a caption he probably didn't want. In the process Sky Sports managed to create the most prominent use of the c-word in one of their reports since they stopped asking Steven Bywater onto their shows! [.

Theo Walcott grew dodgy facial hair to stop Arsenal jibes

Off the Post at related • 2 views
Baby-faced striker reckons mean whiskers stop him getting bullied Theo Walcott has revealed that he grew his barely visible facial hair to stop team-mates from picking on his boyish looks. The Arsenal striker (is that what he is these days, or not?) grew the bum fluff to stop name-calling from other Arsenal players.

Video: Borat gets the better of England

Off the Post at related • 3 views
Obligatory pre-Kazakhstan match Borat post Remember, Borat has cursed England once and he could do it again tomorrow. Here he is helping Croatia to victory in the Euro 2008 qualifiers.


Tom Hicks and George Gillett are very careless

Off the Post at related • 1 view
Liverpool owners should take more care Just imagine the size of that sofa!


Video: John Arne Riise takes an ankle-breaker from his team-mate’s son

Off the Post at related • 3 views
Juan Jnr is a dirty boy The jovial surroundings of Roma's end-of-season party following last week's match against Torino was probably not the best time for the tiny son of Juan to establish himself as a midfield hardman. But the kid was not going to let some Scandinavian Liverpool reject three times his height take the [.

Setanta aim to make England v Kazakhstan cliche free

Off the Post at related • 4 views
It's all for charidee, mate Setanta Sports commentators Jon Champion and Chris Waddle have been handed a potential banana skin as they attempt to come through Saturday's match between England and Kazakhstan without dropping in any football cliches. The cash-strapped broadcaster has promised £5,000 to the Bobby Moore Fund for Cancer Research UK, but they will knock [.

WAG Abi Clancy does Britney Spears

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Badly Some sort of strange mime to other people's karaoke versions of Hit Me Baby One More Time. They must have signed up her and Peter Crouch on a 2-for-1 deal!


Video: Arnold Schwarzenegger supports the USA’s World Cup bid

Off the Post at related • 0 views
I'll be back...ing the American bid If I had written this sentence around the time Terminator first came out it would have seemed more far-fetched than the plot of the movie itself, but here goes: The Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, has announced his support for the USA's bid to host the World Cup via Twitter [.

Just when things couldn’t get any worse for Newcastle… Joey Barton wants to stay!

Off the Post at related • 1 view
That's a grand total of one person wanting him to stay then Joey Barton has provided Newcastle fans with the news they have been waiting for: he would be willing to let them continue to pay him £60,000 a week while he works his way through a series of suspensions, injuries, jail sentences and spells in [.

Top five players to watch out for in the Confederations Cup

Off the Post at related • 1 view
With the start of the Confederations Cup less than two weeks away, OTP takes a look at some of the names you ought to be watching out for 1. Nilmar The 24-year-old Internacional striker has had the early part of his career ravaged by long-term injuries, but the man who scored the winner against Barcelona in the [.

Why Chelsea have the upper hand on Real Madrid after last-ditch Kaka bid

Off the Post at related • 1 view
Brazilian star prefers move to Premier League Today's papers are full of rumours that Chelsea have launched a £73.5 million bid to derail Kaka's proposed move to Real Madrid. The Blues were handed the initiative as Kaka returned to Brazil for international duty and AC Milan drag their heels over finalising the deal because owner Silvio [.

Video: Norwegian player loves to vomit on the pitch

Off the Post at related • 2 views
Don't pass to me just now - I'm barfing... again Rosenborg youngster Per Ciljan Skjelbred is tipped for big things in football, but at present his most notable on-pitch contributions come in the form of carrot chunks. Poor Per can't seem to keep anything down him at the minute. Last weekend, Skjelbred was in the process of [.

Bullied Michael Dawson forced to give fake Tottenham team-talks

Off the Post at related • 2 views
Spurs defender's presentation skills put to the test Tottenham centre-back Michael Dawson has revealed he is often the butt of changing room jokes. The ex-Nottingham Forest man has been an easy target of fun-poking ever since he arrived at White Hart Lane. He told Hotspur magazine: "The lads seem to think it's funny to play tricks on [.

Top 10 things we would like to see this summer

Off the Post at related • 2 views
1. An end to the Cristiano Ronaldo transfer saga. One way or the other. Either go or come out and say the final answer is that you don't want to go. 2. Rafael Benitez and Sir Alex Ferguson indulging in pre-season Facebook mind-games. Twitter would be fine too. 3. Phil Brown conducting a pre-season training session in [.

Alan Shearer’s £1 shop

Off the Post at related • 14 views
Discount Geordie emporium If you want to grab a bargain get yourself down to Shearer's £1 shop. Everything's a pound. Except Mark Viduka: he is about 250lbs. This sign has been genuinely fitted by a Sunderland-supporting professional signmaker! Spotted on The Spoiler


Advertisement

Off the Post at related • 0 views


Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti’s dirty movie debut

Off the Post at related • 1 view
Carlo beats up angels Chelsea's new coach Carlo Ancelotti also has a sideline as an actor. The ex-Milan man has appeared in a few Italian films (all football-themed). Here he is making his debut in the 1983 film Don Camillo. Ancelotti is one of the secret weapons of a team of devils as they battle it [.

Video: Goalkeeper awards himself free-kick, referee doesn’t

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Play to the whistle, son This bizarre action comes from a Norwegian second division match between Skeid Oslo and LovHam. Skeid keeper Beau Molenaar will forever curse the advantage rule after this incident. A LovHam attack breaks down after the ball is played through to their striker in an offside position, and the ball travels through [.

Tony Adams’ playground bragging over Celtic leaves him looking pretty stupid

Off the Post at related • 1 view
Ex-Portsmouth manager reveals intricate details of his non-existent deal with Bhoys Tony Adams has been hung out to dry (if you pardon the connotations) after going live on radio to say he was on the verge of becoming Celtic's new manager. Former Celtic boss Wim Jansen dismissed Adams' claims that he would re-join the club in [.

Top six hypocritical Gareth Barry quotes

Off the Post at related • 5 views
Six of the best from the man who said "I don't want to be eating my own words" As super-ambitious Gareth Barry finally fulfils his lifelong dream of playing Champions League football having a rich Arab sugar daddy, OTP looks back at his careful £££ though-process £££ behind the £££ move. 1.

Get 10 per cent off Stay Chilled kit bottle coolers with Off The Post

Off the Post at related • 0 views
Do you see those things in the right sidebar? Those are adverts - the money they make is what keeps Off The Post going. No adverts, no Off The Post. So if someone is kind enough to place an advert with us, if you could click it and see if it's of interest then you [...]


Hard Tackle: Didier Drogba and John Obi Mikel touch-up Jose Bosingwa

Off the Post at related • 12 views
FA Cup celebrations turn to sexual assault Overlooking the fact that Jose Bosingwa should take a good look in the mirror and ask himself if he should really be at the front of Chelsea's FA Cup victory celebrations, this video features the Portuguese full-back being touched inappropriately by his team-mates.

Q: How many Man United players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Off the Post at related • 4 views
A: Zero. Barry does it for them Patrice Evra has done wonders for football players' reputations with this morning's tabloids picking up on a quote revealing that Manchester United's players have a team of handymen on call to perform the simplest of DIY tasks. Headed by player liaison manager Barry Moorhouse, the gofers are available 24 hours [.

The film Pep Guardiola showed to inspire Barcelona to Champions League victory

Off the Post at related • 2 views
How Pep got his Gladiators prepped We thought it was a bit far-fetched to suggest that Coldplay had motivated Barcelona to leave their Rome changing room, let alone defeat Manchester United, so now here is the real motivation. This is a Pep Guardiola-commissioned film which was shown to the players just before the Champions League final.

Click me please. Then scroll on at your leisure

Off the Post at related • 0 views


Video: New Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti forgets his lines

Off the Post at related • 7 views
Italian conducts first interview with the help of a script prompt Chelsea's newly-appointed coach Carlo Ancelotti veered away from the script in his first interview in English. The ex-AC Milan coach knew that Chelsea has a great something, but couldn't quite recall what he had been told it was. Fortunately, the Jeremy Paxman-esque interviewer from Chelsea [.

Robin Van Persie jumps on the Malouda bandwagon, want his teeth out

Off the Post at related • 2 views
Wisdom teeth are this season's metatarsals Yesterday OTP told you how Florent Malouda had attributed his flourishing form to an operation in January to remove his wisdom teeth. The French winger said having the teeth taken out had cured niggling muscle problems he had been getting. While the science behind this is a bit lost on us, [.

Chelsea swap one puffing lawbreaker for another

Off the Post at related • 12 views
Carlo Ancelotti also accustomed to flouting the smoking ban As Guus Hiddink walks off into the sunset with the FA Cup under his arm, his cigar in his mouth and one eye looking out for any representatives from Brent Council who might like to fine him, Chelsea have wasted no time in appointing Carlo Ancelotti as [.

Florent Malouda cuts his teeth in England by cutting his wisdom teeth

Off the Post at related • 8 views
Dentistry behind Frenchman's turn around in form If you thought Florent Malouda was having some teething problems at Chelsea following his big money move from Lyon in 2007 then you were closer to the truth than you might have expected. It seems the Frenchman's disappointing first season-and-a-half in English football were cured by some time in the [.

Lookalikes: Portsmouth’s prospective new owner & the man who bought Man City

Off the Post at related • 2 views
Like two peas in a pod Hmm, this lookalike is a bit too good to be true. They are, in fact, one and the same. Sulaiman al-Fahim fronted the Abu Dhabi United (the name still makes me snigger) takeover of Manchester City before mysteriously disappearing out of sight. He has now re-emerged as the all-but-signed-on-the-dotted-line new oener [.

Top 10 FA Cup Final conclusions: Everton 1-2 Chelsea

Off the Post at related • 0 views
1. It was more satisfying to see Chelsea win the FA Cup in yellow. It made a change from the red or blue monotony the Big Four usual hold. It was like Oxford United had won or something! 2. It was a fitting farewell for Guus Hiddink after his successful babysitting stint at Chelsea. Will this [...]


Video: Guus Hiddink’s FA Cup victory dance

Off the Post at related • 2 views
Guus-stepping In today's ultra-professional game, it is nice to know that there is still room for the FA Cup-winning manager to prance around the changing rooms like an idiot with a towel round his neck and smoking a massive cigar. It is also nice that said manager can then explain his tardiness to awaiting journalists by [.

Guus Hiddink could face fine over cigar-smoking victory dance

Off the Post at related • 8 views
Dutchman's fat cigar broke regulations When we say "could face fine" what we mean is 'clever tabloid journalist spots law-breaking and builds story out of it'. I suspect we won't see Guus Hiddink extradited from Russia to pay a smoking fine, but he did break the law nonetheless. The punishment for breaking the law on smoking [.

John Barnes represents football in clash with cricket, tennis and rugby

Off the Post at related • 2 views
Jamaica boss takes on other sporting has-beens Ex-Liverpool and England star John Barnes is football's representative in a series of head-to-head clashes organised by Mars. Barnes will face tennis player Pat Cash, cricketer Darren Gough and rugby's Austin Healey as the old pros play each others' sports.

Video: Amr Zaki celebration fail

Off the Post at related • 6 views
He only wanted to congratulate his team-mate - he got six stitches! OTP is not part of a cult which believes that Steve Bruce is a supreme being who controls all of the day-to-day goings on in the universe, but if we were we would definitely use this as irrefutable evidence. Ex-Wigan goalscoring machine turned bit-part [.