The new England kit has the OTP seal of approval. Now let#8217;s remember when the kit designers
didn#8217;t get it so right! 1. England third shirt, 1992 Umbro seemingly replaced the Three Lions
by breeding a sunflower with an iguana and letting the resulting offspring crawl over this third
1. The first conclusion is that you can#8217;t really conclude too much from that match. A
comfortable win against substantially inferior opposition. England were bright in spells, but the
opposition was poor. 2. Just in from irony corner: an England squad that doesn#8217;t contain
Michael Owen is struggling for fit strikers.
And nobody is threatening to take us to court this time! Despite the fact that this new England kit
has been quite problematic for OTP, we still love it. Firstly, we posted a picture asking whether
this was the new England kit (we had previously done this with another potential design).
Unfortunately, the second one turned [.
Big mouth striker reduced to tears You can level plenty of criticisms at Craig Bellamy, but it
looks like that he doesn#8217;t care about his country#8217;s footballing fate is not one of them.
The Manchester City striker broke down during a TV interview as he was forced to attempt to fathom
Wales#8217; ineptitude after defeat to [.
Holy goalie humbled by bobble Artur Boruc#8217;s controversial approach to bridging the sectarian
divide had led to him being highlighted as a target for violence while representing Poland in
Northern Ireland. Instead he ended up a target for endless fun-poking after an error-strewn
performance topped by this spectacular backpass blunder.
OTP#8217;s fortnightly betting column As a rule, Premier League football is more important than
international football to a lot of people. But that is just an excuse to be even more inventive
with your bets. If you don't really care about the results, what is there to lose? The fact that
England are playing in a ridiculously [.
Two famous French exports var sid=315;var vid=19022; Please allow Manchester United legend Eric
Cantona to show you an automobile he would like you to purchase. Share on Facebookimg
src="http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~r/offthepost/TLAa/~4/wXxsYn4DQTg" height="1" width="1"/
Swedish star sells cereal Henrik Larsson really ought to think about putting his feet up if he is
now getting his sporting kicks from beating young boys at tennis. Spotted on 101GreatGoals Share on
Facebookimg src="http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~r/offthepost/TLAa/~4/bTWTM4jsI5A" height="1"
If your final answer was Leighton Baines, then you were correct The Everton full-back got into the
England spirit a couple of years ago. He missed this penalty against Slovakia while on under 21
duty. Apologies for the poor footage (and the poor content, but it is international week. What do
PartyBets and Gamebookers is taking the sting out of any late drama in all European and South
American zone WC2010 qualifiers by paying out on two results in a match if a goal is scored in
injury time at the end of the match. For example, when Denmark beat Portugal in a thrilling game in
Lisbon [...]img src="http://feeds2.
The beautiful game#8217;s kings of bling 1. David Beckham Football#8217;s undisputed king of bling.
Probably only uses Gucci toilet roll. Changes his image on a Madonna-esque basis, and the cars and
jewellery is updated just as frequently. In fact, the only bling accessory Becks has that has gone
out of fashion is his wife.
Mr Owen! This video shows Slovakian funnyman Ďuro Mokrý blagging his way into a David
Beckham press conference on behalf of a non-existent television show. He firstly brings some of
Britain#8217;s finest football journalists into hysterics with his deliberately nonsensical
questions about Beckham#8217;s health.
Under 21s try to do Johan Cruyff#8230; #8230;but end up emulating Thierry Henry and Robert Pires
instead. This ridiculous penalty comes from Portugal Under 21s 2-0 victory over Cape Verde
yesterday. Sporting Lisbon midfielder Bruno Pereirinha attempted to re-create the famous passed
penalty by laying the ball off to team-mate Rui Pedro.
Fashion designer keeps #8216;ballers as pets As a big-name fashion designer (certainly in terms of
length) there are all sorts of people you can trample over. Kids in Indonesian sweatshops, coked-up
supermodels, the gullible people who would walk around in a wire wool loin cloth if you told them
it was fashionable.
Midfielder attacks Victor Anichebe, now his cat Kevin Nolan has revealed that his cat has felt the
brunt of his frustration at being sent-off for a horror tackle on Everton#8217;s Victor Anichebe.
The Newcastle midfielder said he had been tormented by picking up a suspension so soon after
joining a new club.
Can#8217;t argue with that figure (it works on so many levels) Originaldo continued his promising
comeback in his native Brazil with another two goals for Corinthians last night. The big-boned
striker won and converted a penalty, and turned and finished neatly in the box for his second in
the match against Ponte Preta.
Missing - presumed crap: England kit manufacturer Umbro seems to have gone into denial over the
existence of its last three England kits. No sooner had I posted this photo of possibly the new
England shirt than an email landed in my inbox from Tease Marketing who, as this page shows, are
helping Umbro to launch [.
UPDATE: For those of you who have been following the progress of this story, it was the new England
kit. Unfortunately, the image belonged to a well-known publisher who owns the copyright to the
image. The photograph that appeared in the story below has now been removed to reflect this. If you
didn#8217;t see it, it [.
Lawrie Sanchez blows the whistle on NI sicknotes! Former Northern Ireland manager Lawrie Sanchez
has revealed he used to await phone calls from players#8217; WAGs withdrawing their partners from
his international squads. Sanchez voiced his frustration at watching his plans disintegrate as he
awaited calls from anyone but the player.
The shoe#8217;s on the other foot now! For those of you who think the FA#8217;s disciplinary and
appeal process is convoluted enough, cover your eyes now. The Professional Game Match Officials
Board, the body which represents the country#8217;s top referees, has written to the Football
Association for an explanation after Aston Villa keeper Brad Friedel#8217;s red [.
As France face losing Zidane#8217;s son to Spain, OTP looks at the long list of those touted as
Zizou#8217;s successors 1. Samir Nasri Skillful attack-minded midfielder born in Marseille to a
family of Algerian descent - it is not hard to see where the comparisons have come from. Has not
had an outstanding first season at Arsenal, [.
Mild-mannered actor and West Ham fan Ray Winstone has lent his support to the FA#8217;s Respect
campaign in this new commercial. Winstone takes on the part of an over-enthusiastic dad giving it a
bit of verbal and a more laidback narrator who is happy just to watch the action. Share on
Xabi chic Spain launched its new Confederations Cup kit yesterday and, for some reason best known
to themselves, all the players had whiskers painted on their face. This gave Liverpool#8217;s Xabi
Alonso a look that was straight out of Oz. See the rest of the feline footballers after the jump.
Apparently, the whiskers were in fact a [.
Becks goes out on a limb David Beckham was briefly tricked into thinking he had pulled
someone#8217;s arm off at an official England event yesterday. The squad was meeting
representatives from the armed forces at their London Colney base when one Royal Marine decided to
play a prank on the ex-England skipper.
Better hope he doesn#8217;t end up being your best customer Bookmakers Better has made gambling
addict Paul Merson its new commercial face. The ex-Arsenal and England star has battled his
addiction for more than 20 years and claims to have lost more than £7 million at the bookies.
But he has still agreed to front Better#8217;s [.
Zizou#8217;s son set for Spain international call-up Zinedine Zidane#8217;s son, Enzo, is in line
for a call-up to Spain#8217;s under 15 squad after celebrating his 14th birthday yesterday. Given
France#8217;s obsession with uncovering Petit Zizou#8217;s, the fact that a genuine new Zidane
seems to believe his international loyalties lie with Spain is bound to be a [.
And they were all from the same club! Videos of riots breaking out at Argentinian football matches
are about as rare as Liverpool goals at the minute. But there are not too many that involve an
entire team leaving the pitch to fight a battle with opposition fans in the stands. That is exactly
what happened [.
Clumps of hair not included Jermaine Pennant#8217;s on-off WAG Amii Grove has put the engagement
ring bought for her by the Portsmouth player on internet auction site eBay. The pair split in 2007
when Amii caught Pennant at it with another woman on his home CCTV system. But they reconciled last
November following the death of [.
FRAGILE - HANDLE WITH CARE - c/o Harry Redknapp, White Hart Lane Well, it turns out we were right
to suspect that Fabio Capello is not a miracle worker. After a close inspection from England#8217;s
medical staff, it has been confirmed that Ledley King#8217;s knee is as knackered as everyone
thought and he has been sent [.
Helping Jose to become suitably evil Earlier we suggested that Jose Mourinho was well on his way to
becoming a Bond villain now that he is officially Dr Special One. We thought this team-talk from
Armstrong and Miller might provide some inspiration for the Inter Milan boss. [Evil laugh to fade]
Share on Facebookimg src="http://feeds2.
Meet Dr Special One Inter Milan boss Jose Mourinho has been given an honorary doctorate by his old
university. The Special One returned to Lisbon#8217;s Technical University, where he graduated in
physical education and sport more than 20 years ago, to collect the honour. And the occasion
brought a humility not often seen in the Special One [.
Foolproof formula for spot-kick success Are you ready for this? Basically, the penalty has to be
hit hard into the top corner. Earth-shattering stuff, we know. Hopefully Liverpool John Moores
University didn#8217;t invest too much money into this research. To be fair, it does get a tiny bit
more complicated than that but does it tell us [.
Hot moves from Ligue 1 Toulouse#8217;s Daniel Braaten celebrated scoring the fourth goal in his
side#8217;s 4-1 victory over Paris St Germain in style with this celebration straight out of a late
1980s rap video. I don#8217;t remember him doing this during his stay at Bolton, but then again he
only scored one goal and his [.
Reebok does Nike Reebok has decided that Nike is correct and computer-generated graphics do indeed
sell football boots. They drafted in prize show-pony, and former Nike golden boy, Thierry Henry to
make this new viral for the new Reebok Valde. The Barcelona star arrives at what seems to be a
deserted racetrack for a bit of shooting [.
Cross-dresser with interest in football? Sounds like Ronaldo#8217;s perfect man! Training session
forfeits are not uncommon in football. Who can forget David James and his Robin Reliant? Still,
enforced cross-dressing is a new one on us. Brazilian side Figueirense have introduced a pink dress
And we thought pre-season was supposed to be hard work For those of you who thought the MLS was
just a hangout for players who wanted to see out their careers putting in minimal effort and
surrounded by celebrities, here is ex-Fulham striker Brian McBride being fitted with a beer hat
before taking a penalty at [.
#8220;Great goal! That deserves 20 rubs of your buttocks.#8221; Pavel Nedved#8217;s volley against
Roma at the weekend was stunning (and well worth watching this video for alone) but equally
stunning was the celebration. Juventus#8217; players huddled around Nedved giving Vincenzo Iaquinta
- possibly thinking he was out of sight of the watching millions - the opportunity [.
Squashed by Andy Reid Ouch! That cannot have been pleasant. Remind yourselves of the nine other
current players OTP would hate to have landing on top of it here. Share on Facebookimg
More gems from the mouth of Andrei Arshavin Arsenal quote machine Andrei Arshavin has been up to
his usual tricks - supplying the kind of quotes journalists can normally only dream of from
PR-trained modern players. Despite the Gunners comfortably winning their match against Newcastle,
the Russian still felt the need to speculate on why the [.
Spurs striker meet The Simpsons With Martin Keown attributing Liverpool#8217;s recent success to
the departure of Robbie Keane, OTP decided that was suitably tenuous link to publish this great GIF
that we missed at the time of the Irishman#8217;s Anfield departure. Spotted a funny GIF you would
like to see on OTP?
Could you tell he was miming a football player? Gerardo Torrado of Mexico#8217;s Cruz Azul must be
the only footballer in the world with paler skin than Andres Iniesta. The club skipper shows a
degree of common sense not often apparent in footballers and always protects himself from harmful
UV rays when taking to the pitch [.
Umbro attempts to whet your appetite We will get our first official glimpse at the new England kit
when the players run out against Slovakia on Saturday. Hopefully it doesn#8217;t look like this. In
the build-up to that match and the kit launch, Umbro have released four YouTube teasers of the
Not-so-gracious in defeat The Portuguese Carlsberg Cup final ended in bizarre scenes as Sporting
Lisbon#8217;s Pedro Silva threw his runners-up medal across the pitch after defeat to Benfica. If
you are thinking Silva sounds like the ultimate bad loser then you would probably be right, but
there was some method to his madness.
Man Utd star can#8217;t get enough of watches If you thought Sir Alex Ferguson had become a father
figure to Cristiano Ronaldo, it looks like you might be right because the duo are now developing
similar interests. The Portuguese winger has developed Daddy Fergie#8217;s love of watches. But
while Ferguson#8217;s favourite pastimes include pointing at, staring at, [.
Spaniard#8217;s wardrobe faces the boot Arsenal chairman Peter Hill-Wood has suggested new club
rules could be brought in to avoid a repeat of the Cesc Fabregas spitting row. He has voiced
concerns over the appearance and conduct of non-playing Gunners on matchdays, and could ban casual
clothing as a result of the incident.
Moody Italian picks on Republic of Ireland international Kevin Kilbane is not a bad sort of bloke.
He always comes across as an honest professional, a hard worker who has done the best with the
talents he has been given. He keeps his head down and gets on with his job. None of these things
Newcastle defender on the warpath Newcastle#8217;s Steven Taylor was one of the best players on the
park before injury forced him off the field, spurring Arsenal on to victory on Saturday.
Unfortunately, his performance will be overshadowed by a nasty case of deja vu. Less than three
weeks after his controversial slap on Cristiano Ronaldo, Taylor shoved [.
Unusual looking backline to face Slovakia There are a few surprising calls in Fabio Capello#8217;s
England squad to face Slovakia this weekend, and most of them seem to revolve around the defence. I
was under the impression that the Italian set himself certain parameters to avoid too many
1. Paul Scholes should definitely take up volleyball when he retires. We already knew he could
spike and now we know he can block too. Perhaps indoor volleyball would be better than beach with
your complexion, Paul. 2. The Premier League title race may not have been open again after
Liverpool#8217;s victory over Manchester United, but [.
Brazil great claims wayward stars are on drugs Pele has used a court case involving his
cocaine-addict son, Edinho, to voice allegations that modern day Brazilian stars Ronaldo and
Robinho are both drug users. In a statement read to the court, he said: #8220;It is unfair to talk
about drugs in football because of just one [.
Soccer AM star goes viral Everybody#8217;s favourite dancing Sunderland fan - well, probably the
world#8217;s only dancing Sunderland fan - the Mackem Mover has followed in footsteps of Peter
Crouch and sold his soul to T-Mobile. He made his name after becoming a cult hero through his
coverage on Soccer AM.
Barack wants United veteran#8217;s bonus back With all the controversy over the huge bonuses paid
to employees of bailed-out US financial group AIG, we couldn#8217;t help but notice that an ageing
employee by the name of Ryan Giggs picked up a bonus from AIG at around the time in question.
AIG#8217;s shirt sponsorship of Manchester United has [.
Young #8216;ballers buying #8216;weapons of destruction#8217; The PFA is arranging for its members
to get extra driving lessons to stop them crashing their powerful cars. Spurred on by Cristiano
Ronaldo planting his Ferrari into a tunnel at Manchester Airport, the players#8217; union chief
executive, Gordon Taylor, has struck up a deal with driving school BSM which [.
1. That couldn#8217;t really have gone much better for the English clubs. Their two main threats -
Barcelona and Bayern Munich - will scrap it out amongst themselves. 2. We told you it would be
Liverpool v Chelsea. Spooky! 3. A Manchester United-Arsenal Champions League semi-final sounds
tasty. Anyone for pizza?
Back to bad habits? We all knew that Originaldo was struggling to kick the transvestite
prostitute/nightclub addiction, but training with Corinthians yesterday it looked like he was
definitely back to his old ways as he took to holding his eyes open by hand. Share on Facebookimg
Giant flag convinces Spaniard to put pen to paper Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez has revealed that
a banner taken to games by a Liverpool fan convinced him that his future lay at Liverpool during
his long-running contract dispute. Benitez eventually put his Juan Hancock on a new five-year deal
Stop laughing Newcastle United striker Michael Owen has produced the quote of the day by declaring
that he is not injury prone. The 29-year-old, who has just returned to the Magpies side (again)
after being out since January said: #8220;It is frustrating. However, and people will probably
laugh, but I know I#8217;m not injury-prone.
ATTN: Rafael Benitez, The Most Expensive House in the Wirral. Merseyside. CH46 1RB. Subject: NOTICE
OF CHANGE TO EMPLOYMENT CONTRACT. Dear Rafa, As agreed in our discussion of Monday 19th March,
2009, the following changes in your employment contract will take effect on 1st April 2009. Details
of change: Contract dated 01/07/2004 – Clauses 2,4, 7a, 12, and [.
Ex-Liverpool man#8217;s face goes green Footballing Houdini Bolo Zenden completed an interested
week by being attacked with a laser pen during last night#8217;s Uefa Cup tie between Marseille and
Ajax. Footage of the match clearly showed a green laser flashing across the Dutchman#8217;s face.
Play was briefly stopped by the referee after Zenden complained about the incident.
Veteran defender#8217;s even loyal in his topiary Manchester United defender Gary Nevillie might be
red to the core, but he has also got green fingers. Red Nev has taken his love for his club a stage
further by planting an MUFC flower display at the gates of his mansion. The fledgling shrubbery -
now surely a priority [.
Man Utd full-back throws caution to the wind Mmm, jumpers for goalposts, isn#8217;t it? Rush keeper
and four up front. And it seems that Manchester United left-back Patrice Evra shares Ron
Manager#8217;s philosophy on football. Asked to name is top five-a-side team from his current
United team-mates, Evra said: #8220;I'd go for Ryan, Scholesy, Fletch, Ji [.
Whistle while you work Posts might be a bit thinner on the ground than usual over the next couple
of days as I am travelling around sunny Spain at the minute. Off The Post is a football blog not a
travel journal, but here is a little football-related anecdote. Yesterday I sit in on a Spanish PE
It#8217;s the question everyone#8217;s asking Thanks to OTP reader Ben Maher, who was disturbed but
slightly homoured by the sight of Didier Drogba staring him in the eye as he went for a leak in a
bar in Mallorca. We can#8217;t find anything mentioning a toilet sponsorship deal with Heineken, so
Drogba#8217;s agent might want to look [.
A jealous Dane Given Nicklas Bendtner#8217;s numerous missed chances against Blackburn at the
weekend, you would have thought the Arsenal striker might be grateful for someone bailing him out
by firing the Gunners to victory. Clearly not. This photo of Andrei Arshavin celebrating after
scoring his sexy goal first goal for the club shows just how delighted [.
Nasty Tigers try to besmirch Spaniard#8217;s good name Of course he did it: he#8217;s wearing a
hoodie! Sorry I think someone left the site in Daily Mail mode - back to the matter in hand.
Angelic Arsenal midfielder Cesc Fabregas has been accused of spitting at Hull City assistant
manager Brian Horton during last night#8217;s controversial [.
Why didn#8217;t you tell me you were wearing green? Spongebob referee Mike Riley is likely to find
himself in trouble after allowing both goalkeepers, himself and his two assistants to take to the
pitch in green shirts for last night#8217;s FA Cup tie between Arsenal and Hull City. Riley decided
to take the cup tie back to [.
With team-mates like this, who needs an opposition? This has just had me doubled up in laughter, so
hopefully it will have the same effect on you. It has often been a criticism levelled at Boudewijn
Zenden that he drifts in and out of games too much, but this really takes the biscuit. Bolo found
the net [.
Some random Patrick memories from OTP for St Patrick#8217;s Day 1. Patrik Berger Surely the man who
did most to import the hairband to English football? 2. Patrick Kluivert The proto-Ronaldo who
blazed the Barca superstar to washed-up overweight has-been. We don#8217;t doubt he#8217;ll be
having a few bevvies tonight.
Yes, unless someone borrowed a Bentley to pull of this hoax! This shaky mobile phone footage shows
Liverpool fans unleashing a barrage of verbal abuse on Cristiano Ronaldo as he drives alongside
them in his Bentley Continental GT. C-Ron eventually succumbs to temptation, give the Reds
supporters the middle finger salute, and proves that his motor [.
Boro defender goes through the back of lanky striker David Wheater and Peter Crouch get to know
each other better during Portsmouth#8217;s game at Middlesbrough on Saturday. Full marks for facial
expression and arm placement, boys. Share on Facebookimg
Anything goes in La-La land This video offers a snapshot of some of the difficulties David Beckham
faces on a day-to-day basis. Driving though Los Angeles (this action is obviously pre-transfer
saga) minding his own business, Becks is unfortunate enough to get stopped at traffic lights
alongside a crazy lady who like to intersperse her YouTube [.
Michael Essien neither raped nor raked Ched Evans After Sunday night#8217;s MOTD2 rape fiasco,
ex-Charlton boss and presumably ex-BBC pundit Alan Pardew has issued an apology. A statement
released by the Beeb said: #8220;Alan Pardew apologises unconditionally for any offence caused by
remarks he made in the Match of the Day 2 programme last night.
Blackburn diver#8217;s name is cleared Finally, an explanation for Morten Gamst Pedersen#8217;s
ridiculously embarrassing penalty area tumble against Arsenal that doesn#8217;t make the Blackburn
man look like a cheating scumbag. The truth of the matter is that he was shot by Clive Owen.
Spotted on The Offside Share on Facebookimg src="http://feeds2.
How not to get the ref on your side In modern football, a tackle from behind is always likely to
get you at least a booking. But if the tackle from behind also happens to be on the referee then
you really are asking for trouble. The two teams are Austrian outfits Rapid Vienna and Kapfenburg.
Hollywood hardman is reffin#8217; and blindin#8217; Mild-mannered actor and West Ham fan Ray
Winstone has lent his support to the FA#8217;s Respect campaign in this new commercial. Winstone
takes on the part of an over-enthusiastic dad giving it a bit of verbal and a more laidback
narrator who is happy just to watch the action.
Originaldo faces temptation Spherical footballer Ronaldo has poured cold water over talk of a
comeback to the big-time after two goals in two games for new club Corinthians by refusing to even
lie about kicking his partying habits. A brave journalist brought up the subject of the time
Ronaldo accidentally picked up two transvestite prostitutes (only [.
Bye-bye comedy afro, hello corn-rows The route from afro to corn-rows is a well-trodden one. Rio
Ferdinand is perhaps the most notable example of such a transition. And in the wake of fun-poking
from the likes of OTP, Everton midfielder Marouane Fellaini opted to take decisive action. An
1. The title race is not really back on. Manchester United still have a game in hand and too much
for Liverpool in the long-run. 2. Sir Alex Ferguson will be hoping that was just the worst European
hangover ever. Liverpool may have benefited from the extra day of rest, but surely you
shouldn#8217;t be too [.
Is Becks really going to take instruction from this man? Give a warm OTP welcome to Andy Bridgman.
Andy is a police community support officer from Surrey. If you didn#8217;t know, that is a sort of
civilian police employee who gives up hours of their time despite having very few powers for the
kick of parading [.
Gunners#8217; early goal ruins commentator#8217;s day Arsenal v Blackburn Match of the Day
commentator Simon Brotherton probably wasn#8217;t too concerned when he suffered a bout of verbal
diarrhoea about the Arsenal captaincy as Arsene Wenger#8217;s men passed the ball around the
defence. These things can be edited out of highlights packages after all.
Make that dive of the season This is probably painful viewing for Blackburn fans, but it is
hilarious for the rest of us. Morten Gamst Pedersen tries to cheat his way to being awarded a
penalty against Arsenal on Saturday, but it is safe to say that an acting career probably
doesn#8217;t await when he hangs [.
When does a shoulder barge become sexual assault? Ex-Charlton Athletic boss Alan Pardew had better
get himself back on the managerial merry-go-round very soon because a career in punditry now looks
a distinctly distant prospect. On MOTD2 last night, Pardew turned Alan Partridge with an
embarrassing display of media skills.
Real Madrid keeper may have to adopt Edgar Davids#8217; goggles How do we know this? Well, first of
all Iker#8217;s eyes seemed to be watering constantly from the moment Liverpool went 3-0 up against
Real Madrid last Tuesday night. And now we have the evidence above, which clearly shows that being
shoved in the chest causes [.
Andrea Dossena - goalscoring superstar It is fair to say that £7 million left-back Andrea
Dossena has not necessarily won over the Kop with his defensive performances. But a magical week at
the other end of the pitch has secured the Italian#8217;s place in Liverpool folklore. Dossena has
become the Reds#8217; official icing on the cake - [.
Manchester United 1-4 Liverpool We don#8217;t normally comment too much on the weekend action until
our weekend conclusions on Monday, but this merits a special mention. I still think that Manchester
United have got the title wrapped up, but a bit of a wobble is good for the neutrals. And what a
week for Liverpool.
Xisco loves to be photographed snogging men The photographic evidence suggests that Newcastle
United striker Xisco could soon become the first openly gay player to ply his trade in the Premier
League. We will stop at this juncture to halt the high horse brigade in their tracks: have we said
their is anything wrong with this?
OTP's fortnightly betting round-up With so much football on over the last couple of weeks, it is
hard to believe that it is time for The Daft Punt column to take a look at some of the more
original football bets once again. Time flies when you are having fun. With every single Premier
League team in [.
The most pointless piece of playacting ever When Originaldo broke his duck and a fence in the match
between Corinthians and Palmeiras this understandably caught our attention. The same match featured
this beauty though. We know diving is cheating and wrong and evil, but we can at least see the
perks of getting an opponent sent-off or [.
OTP's special theories on the alleged assault 1. He spotted Arsene Wenger in nearby bushes watching
him getting onto the coach through binoculars. 2. Someone was posing a threat to his daughter
and/or pets. 3. Someone insulted Frank Lampard. (Maybe this should go above daughter and pets). 4.
He spotted Arsene Wenger.
What's the collective noun for sitters? A three-piece suite of sitters, maybe? Anyway, this is
Gremio striker Jonas missing three incredible gilt-edged chances to score against Colombian outfit
Boyaca Chico in the Copa Libertadores. Firstly, he found himself one-on-one with goalkeeper but
bottled it and scuffed his shot straight at the keeper.
"We save the tears for home." We brought you a clip yesterday, and now the full video of
comedian James Corden (Smithy from Gavin and Stacey) psyching up the England squad in a Comic
Relief sketch is available. Rio Ferdinand - a mate of Corden's - gets all the best lines. Share on
Isn't this nice, just you and Carlton Palmer having a bath? Sssshhh This is probably the most
disturbing advert I have ever seen. Carlton Palmer suddenly appears in the bath to give one
unsuspecting punter a Money Back Special from bookmaker Paddy Power. It's the 'Sshhh' that gets me.
Don't have nightmares, kids!
Manchester United scramble to get their propaganda in order Hate is a strong word. So strong in
fact that if your star striker uses it in relation to your next opponents and main title rivals
then you had better do some Stalin-esque revisionism pronto. Manchester United had to employ just
such tactics after Wayne Rooney claimed [.
Pally gets a dirty phonecall live on air Manchester United's television channel, the
imaginatively-titled MUTV, has already tried it's hand at being Gordon Ramsay and now they are
attempting to break into the soft porn market with a new show that features Gary Pallister fielding
dirty phonecalls. OK, that is not strictly true but caller Simon from [.
Pally gets a dirty phonecall live on air Manchester United's television channel, the
imaginatively-titled MUTV, has already tried it's hand at being Gordon Ramsay and now they are
attempting to break into the soft porn market with a new show that features Gary Pallister fielding
dirty phonecalls. OK, that is not strictly true but caller Simon from [.
And it's not even with transvestites The chubbier of the two Ronaldos (or Originaldo as we might
take to calling him) has continued his impressive comeback with another goal for Corinthians. The
ex-AC Milan striker found the net against Sao Caetano to take him to two goals in two games since
his return from a lengthy [.
1. Four English teams safely through to the quarter finals of the Champions League and another
all-Anglo final a distinct prospect. It would make you proud to be English if only they could field
a team of 11 Englishmen between them! 2. Chelsea will face Liverpool. It is written in the stars or
Sponsor should have warned Italian side Roma should not have been surprised by Mirko Vucinic's
awful effort in last night's penalty shootout. Everyone's favourite stripping Montenegrin even
misses penalties in his own adverts for Roma's shirt sponsors so it is unclear who thought he would
do better in a Champions League match.
"You've started to fear the robot!" Comedian James Corden, of Gavin and Stacey fame, met
the England squad before their recent match against Spain to record a sketch for Comic Relief.
Corden's character Smithy is apparently in the England hotel on a plumbing job but ends up giving a
motivational speech to the team.
Striker grilled by cops Everton's Victor Anichebe was questioned by police who feared he was
planning a raid on a jewellery shop. Five officers swooped on Anichebe and his friend in Knutsford,
Cheshire, believing his was casing the jewellers for a robbery. Presumably Anichebe was giving
particular thought to his getaway plans given that he is on [.
Real men play in thunderstorms While Asian Champions League matches might get called off if there
is a bit of sand blowing around, Cristiano Ronaldo and Zlatan Ibrahimovic have been badly
Photoshopped would happily play in a thunderstorm. In truth the Nike whores are showing off their
brand spanking new, presumably rubber-soled Mercurial Vapor Superfly boots, [.
Hardcore training with Uzbekistan national team This video seems to be fake, but I can't workout
why someone would go to the effort of creating it. The spiel on YouTube says this is the Uzbekistan
national team in training. The point being that Australia had better be worried about their
upcoming match given the accuracy of [.
Asian Champions League, that is The Asian Champions League tie between Saudi Arabia's Al-Hilal and
Saba Battery of Iran last night was called off because of a sandstorm. While the closest the
Premier League's finest get to sand on a Champions League night is a sneaky trip to the Caribbean
if they collect enough yellow cards, [.
Inter and United's battle of the boots Nike have chosen tonight's Champions League match between
Manchester United and Inter Milan to launch their Mercurial Vapor Superfly boot. Both Cristiano
Ronaldo and Zlatan Ibrahimovic will be sporting the new footwear at Old Trafford tonight. The video
above shows the boot going through the manufacturing process and being delivered [.
1. A 4-0 aggregate would have been embarrassing enough for Real Madrid, but surely watching Andrea
Dossena fire home is the ultimate humiliation. Even the Liverpool subs were in hysterics. 2. Juande
Ramos probably still hates England. 3. Chelsea have had a pretty lucky escape. They weren't really
worth their draw in Turin and it could easily [.
Van Persie and Toure think their careers are at steak Robin Van Persie and Kolo Toure have both cut
meat out of their diet because they believe eating it causes muscle injuries. The Sun reports that
both Arsenal players have significantly reduced their meat intake and think it has prevented them
from picking up injuries.
Fergie cooks up a storm Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has proved his palate extends
beyond red wine and Wrigley's chewing gum by taking part in the Red Devil's Kitchen show on MUTV.
Fergie followed Patrice Evra and Dennis Irwin in working for chef Romain Camos on the new
programme. Fergie had to serve up a [.
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sidebar If you do any of these things, we will send a team of pixies led by Gianfranco Zola to
The cheekiest pitchside pranksters 1. Brazil's goalscoring ball boy We still don't know how he got
away with this one. I shot goes harmlessly wide of the goal, moments later the ball boy dribbles
the ball onto the pitch and into the net, and for some reason the goal is awarded! 2. The
quick-thinking assister This Israeli ball [.
Juventus boss grows extra limb Claudio 'Tinkerman' Ranieri has found a method of tinkering with his
Juventus squad even more than was possible during his time at Chelsea. Spotted on 4TheGame Share on
Keeper gives opponent headache and goal German football's third tier witnesses a goalkeeping
blunder of the highest proportions this week. When Fortuna Dusseldorf keeper Michael Melka
comfortably collected a cross against Grassow he was eager to get his side on the attack again.
But, as the old saying goes act in haste repent at leisure.
Bad week for The Sun's sub-editors! Oops. You would have thought The Sun could have come up with a
headline for this story on Cristiano Ronaldo's temper that didn't make it seem like he was directly
competing with Jade Goody for the nation's sympathy. Share on Facebook
Russian quote machine is a Luddite Andrei Arshavin will probably earn more money from now until the
end of the season (or the week) than you are likely to see in your lifetime, but that doesn't mean
he needs to get flash with the cash over the unnecessary trappings of modern life. For instance,
what would [.
Real Madrid keeper prepares for his trip to Liverpool Liverpool goalkeeper Pepe Reina has been
giving Real Madrid's Iker Casillas some language tips before the two Spaniards meet at Anfield on
Wednesday night. At one point Casillas successfully translates 'Liverpool are the best team' into
Spanish, but he cannot quite bring himself to declare Pepe Reina [.
Crazy action from the Belgian league The match between Belgian sides Gent and Turbize was
overshadowed by some bizarre refereeing. Firstly, Gent striker Mbaye Leye cheated his way to a
penalty with a devious dive. As you can see in the video above, Turbize goalkeeper Nicolas Ardouin
clearly made no contact with Leye.
Excuse me, I can't see the goal 'Do Are Ya? double whammy today. Marrouane Fellaini's crazy hair
had not gone unnoticed by OTP. In fact, it had not gone unnoticed by anyway - it kind of stands
out. In the past we had compared the Everton midfielder to Colonel Gaddafi, but Fellaini's hair has
long since [.
On your head, son It appears Tim Cahill's young son has not inherited daddy's trademark spring. For
while Cahill Snr would surely have happily jumped down from his chair at Goodison Park, the
youngster chose a rather more unorthodox dismount during yesterday's FA Cup tie with Middlesbrough.
Spotted on 101GreatGoals Share on Facebook
The genius of Ade's YouTube channel In case you missed it, over the weekend we brought you the
latest offering from mynameisadebayor, Emmanuel Adebayor's YouTube channel, in which he showed off
his credentials as a potential Top Gear host while discussing comparisons between him and Nwankwo
Kanu. The discovery was a hit among some OTP regulars because [.
Time for your prostate exam, Mr Tevez John O'Shea does his best to shake off those rumours by
celebrating a goal against Fulham on Saturday by massaging Carlos Tevez's rectum while rubbing the
Argentinean up against him. All done with a beaming smile on his face, of course. Share on Facebook
Following Ronaldo's comeback goal OTP salutes the players who, in the age of nutrition, diet, and
cardiovascular thingamajig, still haul their huge frames round a football pitch! 1. Andy Reid Reid
has to take top spot though for being a fat, skillful winger in the Premier League era. We have
stocky strikers aplenty, but Reid is doing [.
1. Don't mention the quintuple! But it's still on for Manchester United. 2. No other Premier League
team could afford to leave Carlos Tevez out as regularly as United do. 3. Chelsea are in the same
league as Bon Jovi and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. They became the third act to sell-out the Ricoh
What's the MSL? OTP is not quite sure what constitutes an MSL team, but if David Beckham wants one
we are pretty sure he will get one. This story comes from today's edition of The Sun. If it is any
consolation to American soccerball fans, your league is referred to as the MLS throughout the
Bad boy Lee Hughes could be on his way out of Oldham Former jailbird footballer Lee Hughes is in
trouble again after a drunken fight with Oldham manager John Sheridan. The pair clashed during a
club night out to Belle Vue dog track in Manchester last week. The incident ended with Hughes
holding Sheridan in a [.
Shake, rattle, and goal Middlesbrough keeper Brad Jones obviously decided to do something a bit
special for the FA Cup tie against Everton yesterday. The Australian goalie ditched his usual
gravity-defying quiff for a gelled back rock'n'roll look. And, as if that look alone wasn't special
enough to warrant a mention, Jones guaranteed he would be featured [.
Dutch goalie's anger rules him out for six weeks AZ Alkmaar keeper Sergio Romero broke his hand
after punching a door following his side's cup defeat to NAC Breda last week. The Argentinian - who
managed to keep his temper in check until he was in front of a camera - will now miss the
Heavy Brazilian finds net Ronaldo has grabbed his first goal for Corinthians in their match against
Palmeiras. The big-boned striker somehow ghosted in at the back post to score a header from a
corner. He then threw his copious body up against a fence behind the goal and - having been
followed in this act by [.
A great excuse to watch this again When you are top of the pile you have to keep working to stay
ahead of the competition. So if fourth-placed Aston Villa are considering sending their young speed
merchants Gabriel Agbonlahor and Ashley Young to Michael Johnson's Sprint Academy, Manchester
United have to go one better.
Carlos' curler Carlos Tevez looked like he would have fancied his chances of knocking Fulham out of
the FA Cup single-handedly. As it happened he had his team-mates to help him beat the Cottagers
with ease. He didn't need anyone else to score this goal though. Full FA Cup conclusions on Monday.
Spotted on 101GreatGoals Share on Facebook [.
Veteran striker claims he was misquoted by himself Dean Windass is discovering the hard way that
journalism can be a thankless task after again getting himself into bother through his blog. The
Hull City striker, currently on-loan at Oldham Athletic, released a statement through the Latics'
official website to moan about his treatment at the hands [.
The new Jeremy Clarkson? Arsenal striker Emmanuel Adebayor could have a new career lined up when he
hangs up his boots. Well, two actually - one as a Top Gear presenter and one as a Kanu lookalike.
The Togo international seems to love talking to the camera, but instead of discussing chassis,
break horse power or [.
Horror tackles - stamp them out Arsene Wenger (and the Arsene Wenger Appreciation Society) has been
given considerable soapbox space today. Among the issues he has raised is a potential clampdown on
horror tackles. He said: "I have seen some horrible tackles this season and I don't think the
punishment is sufficient.
Arsenal manager has been watching the neighbours again Sometimes Arsene Wenger boggles Off The
Post's mind a little bit. He is a clever man, this much we know. Surely he must know that comments
he makes about Cristiano Ronaldo will be big news. Which is why he said: "Every bad tackle
that is unpunished is not right [.
Inter striker does a mid-air Phil Babb Inter Milan striker Mario Balotelli suffered a bit of a
painful incident this week after jumping into the goal-post during a match against Sampdoria on
Wednesday night. It looks painful on first viewing, as Balotelli seemingly allowed both his head
and his manhood to rebound Off The Post.
Man charged over incident While Manchester United players have wholesome, worthwhile activities
such as penalty-saving tips on their iPods it appears an unnamed Manchester City's mp3 player might
have some more unsavoury downloads. When the iPod was found in a changing room in a clothes shop,
the person who found it allegedly decided that it was [.
Fergie ready to pop his cork Sir Alex Ferguson has revealed he has already selected a wine for when
he resumes battle with Jose Mourinho next week. The duo will continue their infamous wine wars at
Old Trafford on Wednesday night when Manchester United face Inter Milan in the Champions League.
Fergie knows he has to raise [.
Breakfast TV presenter to blame for left-back's arrest By now you have probably read elsewhere that
Chelsea and England star Ashley Cole has been arrested for being drunk and disorderly. The
left-back was locked up after repeatedly swearing at police outside Collection nightclub in west
London. Cole spent three hours in a cell while he sobered up, [.
1. Manchester United can still pull off the results even when they are playing pretty poorly - and
they were not at their best against Newcastle last night. 2. Maybe all the nonsense talk about
Chelsea and Liverpool putting them under pressure with wins on Tuesday night had an effect. I don't
know why - they [.
Toon defender can't resist temptation Newcastle centre-back Steven Taylor incensed Cristiano
Ronaldo with a slap/clothesline across the face and/or throat of Cristiano Ronaldo during last
night's match. Taylor then immediately dived into a two-footed challenge on Michael Carrick and
still walked away with just a yellow card!
Ex-West Ham and Man City star is a pushy parent! Former Premier League star Eyal Berkovic was
yesterday found guilty of assault by an Israeli court after he admitted an attack on a youth
football coach who substituted his son. The 36-year-old was seemingly unimpressed when Maccabi
Herzliya coach Danny Etzioni took off his son Lior, [.
Stoke's interesting advertisers... I bet when Bolton's Matty Taylor arrived at the Britannia
Stadium to play Stoke last night he wasn't expecting to be photographed with a chlamydia test.
Funny how things turn out. Hopefully these two advertising hoardings are separate, because if
Chlamydia Test Sky Sports HD is genuinely a television programme then Sky's standards [.
Must... get back... to... water As we concluded, an angry Lee Cattermole's attempt at revenge
against West Ham last night was pretty woeful and the Wigan midfielder deserved his red card. But
equally as criminal as the challenge itself was Scott Parker's attempts to convey to referee Stuart
Attwell just how bad the challenge was.
Back with a vengeance Everybody's favourite sea urchin-a-like Obafemi Martins is back playing
first-team football for Newcastle. If you're wondering what he has been doing to entertain himself
during his injury layoff, the answer seems to be growing his hair. And his rehabilitation period
may or may not have included spells training in a wind tunnel.
Reliable keeper has unreliable moment Ah, the dangers of taking a rest. When Tomasz Kusczcak
replaced Edwin Van Der Sar in Manchester United's last league game against Blackburn he was
standing in for Mr Unbeatable. The Dutch veteran is back in the side for tonight's encounter with
Newcastle and handed an early goal on a plate [.
When kitmen take crack 1. Thomas Zusczcak OK, I will freely admit that I have to look Kusczcak up
every time I write it, but even I know that the first letter is a K! Unfortunately, the Man Utd
kitman didn't ahead of an FA Cup tie with Crewe. 2. Liedzon When Sporting Lisbon striker Liedson
made his [.
Norwich defender offended by accusation he did something This is Norwich City defender Jason
Shackell being interviewed by a reporter who is adamant the interviewee had a decent headed
opportunity in the first-half of their match with QPR last night. Team-mate Darel Russell, who
scored the only goal of the game, is also adamant that Shackell [.
What are these kitmen on? Another shirt typo has come to light from last weekend's Premier League
action. While Roque Satna Cruz stole the limelight, Liverpool's Javier Mascherano silently suffered
a similar fate as the Liverpool kitman missed the 'H' out of his surname. Although, maybe without
the 'H' commentators could come to some sort of [.
Disclaimer: against West Brom though Arsenal broke their run of four league games without a goal as
they defeated West Brom 1-3 at The Hawthorns last night. It remains to be seen whether they can
repeat these exploits against Premier League opposition (oo er!). And the Great Danish Ego was on
hand to score two of the [.
Goalie can claim assist if he wants Given their recent run of form, Liverpool were not too proud to
accept handouts as they attempt to get their season back on track. They were only too pleased then
when Sunderland goalkeeper Marton Fulop generously decided to push a harmless Steven Gerrard cross
straight into the path of [.
A strangled giraffe How to deal with all 6ft 7in of Peter Crouch has long been a dilemma for
Premier League defenders. Chelsea centre-back Alex came up with a novel and yet seemingly effective
tactic to thwart the Portsmouth striker last night - strangle him. Share on Facebook
Stig of the thump Given a fairly lengthy criminal record, including time inside for headbutting a
cafe owner, it should probably come as little surprise that former Bolton player Stig Tofting has
taken to the boxing ring like a duck to water. The former Danish international has been taking part
in a celebrity boxing tournament in his [.
One way footballer's can fight back at the paparazzi This footage comes from last week's Copa
Libertadores clash between Estudiantes of Argentina and Bolivia's Univer. de Sucre. The powerful
shot was never going to trouble the goalkeeper, but it does leave a photographer in a spot of
bother! Spotted on 101GreatGoals Share on Facebook
Watch out, kids If you thought the most disturbing thing to come out of the Carling Cup final was
that Cristiano Ronaldo got booked for diving on the one occasion when he didn't actually dive,
think again. OTP has spotted a mysterious figure on the arm of Manchester United midfielder
Anderson. The strange sketch seems to [.
Valencia defender could soon be serving up paella for Cesc or Nando Arsenal and Liverpool are both
being linked with a move for Valencia defender Raul Albiol. As the video above shows, the
23-year-old fancies himself as a bit of a cook. Perhaps Liverpool's large Spanish contingent makes
them a more favourable destination - he wouldn't [.
Leeds forward hoses down the pitch? Leeds United's Argentinean striker Luciano Becchio grabbed his
side's equaliser against pink-clad Oldham last night and celebrated in quite bizarre fashion. This
still shot captures Becchio in a stance that wouldn't look out of place in a urinal, although the
rest of the celebrations would!
A what? I don't know how you like to chill out after a hard day at work, but Kaka like nothing
better than rounding up a group of strangers to watch him perform on a 19th century entertainment
console. In this advert for Sony, the AC Milan star sees himself on the world's largest zoetrope -
They do a lot for charidee, mate Oldham Athletic donned a one-off neon pink strip for last night's
televised match against Leeds United to help raise funds for the Victoria Breast Unit at the Royal
Oldham Hospital, which neighbours Boundary Park. After a 1-1 draw manager John Sheridan said:
"It was always going to be a [.
Chelsea boss throws scraps to tabloid hacks Guus Hiddink sparked a frenzy of Photoshop activity
among Britain's red-top newspapers as he uttered the four magic words that journalists have had
their ears trained to hear from Premier League title contenders since 1996. Having heard the
Chelsea coach say "I would love it", the journalists [.
Would you like your bald patch on the left or the right? Andrei Arshavin has such a lack of trust
for his grasp of English and/or London-based hair stylists that he flies his old hairdresser in
from St Petersburg when the need arises. Stylist Denis Volkov has confirmed the agreement in
It's the right 11 letters, but not necessarily in the right order Having brought your attention to
Blackburn's new signing Roque Satna Cruz yesterday, we realised we missed this beauty from a couple
of weeks ago. Newcastle marked the debut of Danish striker Peter Lovenkrands by spelling his name
wrong on his shirt.
That's dangling, folks This is AIK goalkeeper Tomi Maanoja suffering from a bout of what the
professionals call Djibril Cisse syndome - a mere dangling broken leg to you and me. If this
doesn't make you say "Ouch!" the first time you see it then you have no heart and
possibly no tibia. Best wishes to Tomi [.
Blackburn kitman drops a clanger The Blackburn kitman got his N and his T in a bit of a muddle for
yesterday's match with Hull City. He probably wonders why he never get any presents as a kid, but
if you can't even spell Santa right what do you expect? Thanks to OTP reader Lupek for [...]
We know what you're hiding Gareth Bale's tri-panelled hairdo has apparently seen him become an easy
target for a bit of banter from the Spurs staff. But amid suggestions that a trip to the barber
might help the young Welshman concentrate on his football rather than the precisely gelled position
of every single lock of hair, [.
The only footballer with a rounder head than Paddy Kenny You know when you used to get told that if
you spent so long staring at the TV you would square eyes? Well, Villarreal keeper Diego Lopez's
mum tried to tell him that if he spent so long staring at footballs his head would turn into [...]
Your reputation precedes you, Mr Ronaldo Manchester United's Cristiano Ronaldo thought he had won a
penalty during yesterday's Carling Cup final when Ledley King tripped him in the area. Referee
Chris Foy had other ideas and booked Ronaldo for diving. Replays show that King clearly caught the
Portuguese international and that a penalty should have been [.
1. Liverpool defeat Real Madrid and give Middlesbrough their first win in 14 games in the same
week. You've got to love football. 2. Awful weekend for Middlesbrough safety officer Sue Watson.
Two goals against Liverpool provided two legitimate opportunities for standing and/or chanting.
Suppose he would have only forgot them otherwise! Manchester United and England defender Rio
Ferdinand has arranged for a barn owl to swoop down the aisle with the rings when he marries
fiancee Rebecca Ellison in August. The owl will fly down when the registar asks 'Do you have the
rings?' and will land on the [.
Desperate boss tries one last throw of the dice Arsene Wenger has shaken up his attacking
combinations once more as he seeks to break a sequence of results in which the Gooners have failed
to score in four consecutive Premier League games. This looks like your perfect big man, little
combination to OTP.
Missed chances sure to leave West Brom boss reaching for the Kit Kats West Brom are testing Tony
Mowbray's resolve to its limits. The self-confessed chocoholic has given up chocolate, including
his beloved KitKats, for Lent. Even before the 2-0 defeat to Everton, Mowbray said: "It will
test my will power.
Deformed Blackburn striker poses no threat Any concerned OTP readers who have been keeping their
mum (and possibly dad) under lock and key to keep them away from self-professed sex fiend El-Hadji
Diouf can breathe easy. The Blackburn Rovers striker appears to short of a few fingers, an eye and,
of course, a brain.
1. The quintuple is still on for Manchester United then. It is a big ask, but then again they won
this one without some of their biggest stars. 2. Ben Foster was immense. Please let him stay fit in
the run-up to next year's World Cup. 3. So David Bentley can hit a skip from a roof, [...]
The spot-kicks that settled the silverware The Carling Cup final went the whole way earlier today.
This is the penalty shootout that eventually settled the match after a goalless 120 minutes. Man
Utd emerged 4-1 winners at the end of the shootout. For now you can enjoy the action (particularly
look out for the contrast in Carling [.