Off the Post Archives for January 2009

Top 10 worst England kits

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The new England kit has the OTP seal of approval. Now let#8217;s remember when the kit designers didn#8217;t get it so right! 1. England third shirt, 1992 Umbro seemingly replaced the Three Lions by breeding a sunflower with an iguana and letting the resulting offspring crawl over this third shirt. 2.

Top Five conclusions England 4-0 Slovakia

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1. The first conclusion is that you can#8217;t really conclude too much from that match. A comfortable win against substantially inferior opposition. England were bright in spells, but the opposition was poor. 2. Just in from irony corner: an England squad that doesn#8217;t contain Michael Owen is struggling for fit strikers.

Here’s the new England kit again

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And nobody is threatening to take us to court this time! Despite the fact that this new England kit has been quite problematic for OTP, we still love it. Firstly, we posted a picture asking whether this was the new England kit (we had previously done this with another potential design). Unfortunately, the second one turned [.

Craig Bellamy cries over Wales’ defeat to Finland

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Big mouth striker reduced to tears You can level plenty of criticisms at Craig Bellamy, but it looks like that he doesn#8217;t care about his country#8217;s footballing fate is not one of them. The Manchester City striker broke down during a TV interview as he was forced to attempt to fathom Wales#8217; ineptitude after defeat to [.

Football video: Artur Boruc’s howler against Northern Ireland

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Holy goalie humbled by bobble Artur Boruc#8217;s controversial approach to bridging the sectarian divide had led to him being highlighted as a target for violence while representing Poland in Northern Ireland. Instead he ended up a target for endless fun-poking after an error-strewn performance topped by this spectacular backpass blunder.

The Daft Punt

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OTP#8217;s fortnightly betting column As a rule, Premier League football is more important than international football to a lot of people. But that is just an excuse to be even more inventive with your bets. If you don't really care about the results, what is there to lose? The fact that England are playing in a ridiculously [.

Eric Cantona wants to flog you a Renault

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Two famous French exports var sid=315;var vid=19022; Please allow Manchester United legend Eric Cantona to show you an automobile he would like you to purchase. Share on Facebookimg src="http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~r/offthepost/TLAa/~4/wXxsYn4DQTg" height="1" width="1"/

Henrik Larsson gets his kicks from bullying children and eating muesli

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Swedish star sells cereal Henrik Larsson really ought to think about putting his feet up if he is now getting his sporting kicks from beating young boys at tennis. Spotted on 101GreatGoals Share on Facebookimg src="http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~r/offthepost/TLAa/~4/bTWTM4jsI5A" height="1" width="1"/

Which England new-boy has already missed a penalty against Slovakia?

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If your final answer was Leighton Baines, then you were correct The Everton full-back got into the England spirit a couple of years ago. He missed this penalty against Slovakia while on under 21 duty. Apologies for the poor footage (and the poor content, but it is international week. What do you expect?

Don’t suffer pain in injury-time

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PartyBets and Gamebookers is taking the sting out of any late drama in all European and South American zone WC2010 qualifiers by paying out on two results in a match if a goal is scored in injury time at the end of the match. For example, when Denmark beat Portugal in a thrilling game in Lisbon [...]img src="http://feeds2.

Top 10 bling-tastic footballers

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The beautiful game#8217;s kings of bling 1. David Beckham Football#8217;s undisputed king of bling. Probably only uses Gucci toilet roll. Changes his image on a Madonna-esque basis, and the cars and jewellery is updated just as frequently. In fact, the only bling accessory Becks has that has gone out of fashion is his wife.

David Beckham gets wound up by a Slovakian comedian

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Mr Owen! This video shows Slovakian funnyman Ďuro Mokrý blagging his way into a David Beckham press conference on behalf of a non-existent television show. He firstly brings some of Britain#8217;s finest football journalists into hysterics with his deliberately nonsensical questions about Beckham#8217;s health.

Football video: Portuguese youngsters’ penalty howler

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Under 21s try to do Johan Cruyff#8230; #8230;but end up emulating Thierry Henry and Robert Pires instead. This ridiculous penalty comes from Portugal Under 21s 2-0 victory over Cape Verde yesterday. Sporting Lisbon midfielder Bruno Pereirinha attempted to re-create the famous passed penalty by laying the ball off to team-mate Rui Pedro.

Dirk Bikkembergs is cruel to Italian footballers

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Fashion designer keeps #8216;ballers as pets As a big-name fashion designer (certainly in terms of length) there are all sorts of people you can trample over. Kids in Indonesian sweatshops, coked-up supermodels, the gullible people who would walk around in a wire wool loin cloth if you told them it was fashionable.

Newcastle’s Kevin Nolan admits animal cruelty

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Midfielder attacks Victor Anichebe, now his cat Kevin Nolan has revealed that his cat has felt the brunt of his frustration at being sent-off for a horror tackle on Everton#8217;s Victor Anichebe. The Newcastle midfielder said he had been tormented by picking up a suspension so soon after joining a new club.

Fat Ronaldo moves to four goals in three games for Corinthians

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Can#8217;t argue with that figure (it works on so many levels) Originaldo continued his promising comeback in his native Brazil with another two goals for Corinthians last night. The big-boned striker won and converted a penalty, and turned and finished neatly in the box for his second in the match against Ponte Preta.

Has Umbro washed its hands of the last three England kits?

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Missing - presumed crap: England kit manufacturer Umbro seems to have gone into denial over the existence of its last three England kits. No sooner had I posted this photo of possibly the new England shirt than an email landed in my inbox from Tease Marketing who, as this page shows, are helping Umbro to launch [.

This was the new England kit

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UPDATE: For those of you who have been following the progress of this story, it was the new England kit. Unfortunately, the image belonged to a well-known publisher who owns the copyright to the image. The photograph that appeared in the story below has now been removed to reflect this. If you didn#8217;t see it, it [.

Northern Irish WAGs withdraw their players from internationals

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Lawrie Sanchez blows the whistle on NI sicknotes! Former Northern Ireland manager Lawrie Sanchez has revealed he used to await phone calls from players#8217; WAGs withdrawing their partners from his international squads. Sanchez voiced his frustration at watching his plans disintegrate as he awaited calls from anyone but the player.

Referees to appeal disciplinary decisions to the FA?

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The shoe#8217;s on the other foot now! For those of you who think the FA#8217;s disciplinary and appeal process is convoluted enough, cover your eyes now. The Professional Game Match Officials Board, the body which represents the country#8217;s top referees, has written to the Football Association for an explanation after Aston Villa keeper Brad Friedel#8217;s red [.

Top 10 Petit Zizou’s - the new Zinedine Zidanes

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As France face losing Zidane#8217;s son to Spain, OTP looks at the long list of those touted as Zizou#8217;s successors 1. Samir Nasri Skillful attack-minded midfielder born in Marseille to a family of Algerian descent - it is not hard to see where the comparisons have come from. Has not had an outstanding first season at Arsenal, [.

Couple of seconds out of your day to click Ray again, guvnor?

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Mild-mannered actor and West Ham fan Ray Winstone has lent his support to the FA#8217;s Respect campaign in this new commercial. Winstone takes on the part of an over-enthusiastic dad giving it a bit of verbal and a more laidback narrator who is happy just to watch the action. Share on Facebookimg src="http://feeds2.

Football Lookalikes: Xabi Alonso and the Lion from The Wizard of Oz

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Xabi chic Spain launched its new Confederations Cup kit yesterday and, for some reason best known to themselves, all the players had whiskers painted on their face. This gave Liverpool#8217;s Xabi Alonso a look that was straight out of Oz. See the rest of the feline footballers after the jump. Apparently, the whiskers were in fact a [.

David Beckham left holding fake arm

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Becks goes out on a limb David Beckham was briefly tricked into thinking he had pulled someone#8217;s arm off at an official England event yesterday. The squad was meeting representatives from the armed forces at their London Colney base when one Royal Marine decided to play a prank on the ex-England skipper.

Gambling addict Paul Merson is the new face of betting firm Better!

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Better hope he doesn#8217;t end up being your best customer Bookmakers Better has made gambling addict Paul Merson its new commercial face. The ex-Arsenal and England star has battled his addiction for more than 20 years and claims to have lost more than £7 million at the bookies. But he has still agreed to front Better#8217;s [.

You wait years for a new Zinedine Zidane, and then it turns out he’s Spanish

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Zizou#8217;s son set for Spain international call-up Zinedine Zidane#8217;s son, Enzo, is in line for a call-up to Spain#8217;s under 15 squad after celebrating his 14th birthday yesterday. Given France#8217;s obsession with uncovering Petit Zizou#8217;s, the fact that a genuine new Zidane seems to believe his international loyalties lie with Spain is bound to be a [.

Argentinian referee sends off 18 players

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And they were all from the same club! Videos of riots breaking out at Argentinian football matches are about as rare as Liverpool goals at the minute. But there are not too many that involve an entire team leaving the pitch to fight a battle with opposition fans in the stands. That is exactly what happened [.

Jermaine Pennant’s ex-fiancee Amii Grove puts her engagement ring on eBay

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Clumps of hair not included Jermaine Pennant#8217;s on-off WAG Amii Grove has put the engagement ring bought for her by the Portsmouth player on internet auction site eBay. The pair split in 2007 when Amii caught Pennant at it with another woman on his home CCTV system. But they reconciled last November following the death of [.

SHOCK HORROR: Ledley King withdraws from the England squad

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FRAGILE - HANDLE WITH CARE - c/o Harry Redknapp, White Hart Lane Well, it turns out we were right to suspect that Fabio Capello is not a miracle worker. After a close inspection from England#8217;s medical staff, it has been confirmed that Ledley King#8217;s knee is as knackered as everyone thought and he has been sent [.

Dr Special One’s first team-talk?

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Helping Jose to become suitably evil Earlier we suggested that Jose Mourinho was well on his way to becoming a Bond villain now that he is officially Dr Special One. We thought this team-talk from Armstrong and Miller might provide some inspiration for the Inter Milan boss. [Evil laugh to fade] Share on Facebookimg src="http://feeds2.

Your one second task to help us pay the bills

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Jose Mourinho well on his way to becoming a Bond villain

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Meet Dr Special One Inter Milan boss Jose Mourinho has been given an honorary doctorate by his old university. The Special One returned to Lisbon#8217;s Technical University, where he graduated in physical education and sport more than 20 years ago, to collect the honour. And the occasion brought a humility not often seen in the Special One [.

Scientists devise perfect penalty

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Foolproof formula for spot-kick success Are you ready for this? Basically, the penalty has to be hit hard into the top corner. Earth-shattering stuff, we know. Hopefully Liverpool John Moores University didn#8217;t invest too much money into this research. To be fair, it does get a tiny bit more complicated than that but does it tell us [.

Football video: Daniel Braaten’s break-dancing goal celebration

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Hot moves from Ligue 1 Toulouse#8217;s Daniel Braaten celebrated scoring the fourth goal in his side#8217;s 4-1 victory over Paris St Germain in style with this celebration straight out of a late 1980s rap video. I don#8217;t remember him doing this during his stay at Bolton, but then again he only scored one goal and his [.

Football video: Thierry Henry’s new boots blow up cars

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Reebok does Nike Reebok has decided that Nike is correct and computer-generated graphics do indeed sell football boots. They drafted in prize show-pony, and former Nike golden boy, Thierry Henry to make this new viral for the new Reebok Valde. The Barcelona star arrives at what seems to be a deserted racetrack for a bit of shooting [.

Brazilian footballer forced to train in a dress

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Cross-dresser with interest in football? Sounds like Ronaldo#8217;s perfect man! Training session forfeits are not uncommon in football. Who can forget David James and his Robin Reliant? Still, enforced cross-dressing is a new one on us. Brazilian side Figueirense have introduced a pink dress forfeit.

Football video: Jim Belushi frolicking with Brian McBride and his Chicago Fire team-mates

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And we thought pre-season was supposed to be hard work For those of you who thought the MLS was just a hangout for players who wanted to see out their careers putting in minimal effort and surrounded by celebrities, here is ex-Fulham striker Brian McBride being fitted with a beer hat before taking a penalty at [.

Hard Tackle: Vincenzo Iaquinta can’t get enough of Pavel Nedved’s ass

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#8220;Great goal! That deserves 20 rubs of your buttocks.#8221; Pavel Nedved#8217;s volley against Roma at the weekend was stunning (and well worth watching this video for alone) but equally stunning was the celebration. Juventus#8217; players huddled around Nedved giving Vincenzo Iaquinta - possibly thinking he was out of sight of the watching millions - the opportunity [.

Micah Richards suffers a fate worse than death

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Squashed by Andy Reid Ouch! That cannot have been pleasant. Remind yourselves of the nine other current players OTP would hate to have landing on top of it here. Share on Facebookimg src="http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~r/offthepost/TLAa/~4/euRFoopUxnk" height="1" width="1"/

Newcastle’s Obafemi Martins is scared of Arsenal keeper Manuel Almunia

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More gems from the mouth of Andrei Arshavin Arsenal quote machine Andrei Arshavin has been up to his usual tricks - supplying the kind of quotes journalists can normally only dream of from PR-trained modern players. Despite the Gunners comfortably winning their match against Newcastle, the Russian still felt the need to speculate on why the [.

GIF It: Robbie Keane’s Liverpool stay

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Spurs striker meet The Simpsons With Martin Keown attributing Liverpool#8217;s recent success to the departure of Robbie Keane, OTP decided that was suitably tenuous link to publish this great GIF that we missed at the time of the Irishman#8217;s Anfield departure. Spotted a funny GIF you would like to see on OTP?

Mexican footballer could have a future as a mime artist

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Could you tell he was miming a football player? Gerardo Torrado of Mexico#8217;s Cruz Azul must be the only footballer in the world with paler skin than Andres Iniesta. The club skipper shows a degree of common sense not often apparent in footballers and always protects himself from harmful UV rays when taking to the pitch [.

New England kit teasers

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Umbro attempts to whet your appetite We will get our first official glimpse at the new England kit when the players run out against Slovakia on Saturday. Hopefully it doesn#8217;t look like this. In the build-up to that match and the kit launch, Umbro have released four YouTube teasers of the production process.

Sporting Lisbon’s Pedro Silva throws away his runners-up medal

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Not-so-gracious in defeat The Portuguese Carlsberg Cup final ended in bizarre scenes as Sporting Lisbon#8217;s Pedro Silva threw his runners-up medal across the pitch after defeat to Benfica. If you are thinking Silva sounds like the ultimate bad loser then you would probably be right, but there was some method to his madness.

Cristiano Ronaldo develops a new interest

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Man Utd star can#8217;t get enough of watches If you thought Sir Alex Ferguson had become a father figure to Cristiano Ronaldo, it looks like you might be right because the duo are now developing similar interests. The Portuguese winger has developed Daddy Fergie#8217;s love of watches. But while Ferguson#8217;s favourite pastimes include pointing at, staring at, [.

Arsenal could impose Cesc Fabregas ban

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Spaniard#8217;s wardrobe faces the boot Arsenal chairman Peter Hill-Wood has suggested new club rules could be brought in to avoid a repeat of the Cesc Fabregas spitting row. He has voiced concerns over the appearance and conduct of non-playing Gunners on matchdays, and could ban casual clothing as a result of the incident.

Hull’s Kevin Kilbane dragged into Antonio Cassano row

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Moody Italian picks on Republic of Ireland international Kevin Kilbane is not a bad sort of bloke. He always comes across as an honest professional, a hard worker who has done the best with the talents he has been given. He keeps his head down and gets on with his job. None of these things could [..

Steven Taylor continues his mission to behead the Premier League’s top talent

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Newcastle defender on the warpath Newcastle#8217;s Steven Taylor was one of the best players on the park before injury forced him off the field, spurring Arsenal on to victory on Saturday. Unfortunately, his performance will be overshadowed by a nasty case of deja vu. Less than three weeks after his controversial slap on Cristiano Ronaldo, Taylor shoved [.

Is there any defence for Fabio Capello’s defence?

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Unusual looking backline to face Slovakia There are a few surprising calls in Fabio Capello#8217;s England squad to face Slovakia this weekend, and most of them seem to revolve around the defence. I was under the impression that the Italian set himself certain parameters to avoid too many selection headaches.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 21-22 March

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1. Paul Scholes should definitely take up volleyball when he retires. We already knew he could spike and now we know he can block too. Perhaps indoor volleyball would be better than beach with your complexion, Paul. 2. The Premier League title race may not have been open again after Liverpool#8217;s victory over Manchester United, but [.

Pele claims Ronaldo and Robinho are cocaine users

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Brazil great claims wayward stars are on drugs Pele has used a court case involving his cocaine-addict son, Edinho, to voice allegations that modern day Brazilian stars Ronaldo and Robinho are both drug users. In a statement read to the court, he said: #8220;It is unfair to talk about drugs in football because of just one [.

Football video: Mackem Mover stars in T-Mobile advert

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Soccer AM star goes viral Everybody#8217;s favourite dancing Sunderland fan - well, probably the world#8217;s only dancing Sunderland fan - the Mackem Mover has followed in footsteps of Peter Crouch and sold his soul to T-Mobile. He made his name after becoming a cult hero through his coverage on Soccer AM.

Is the US government going to hunt down Ryan Giggs?

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Barack wants United veteran#8217;s bonus back With all the controversy over the huge bonuses paid to employees of bailed-out US financial group AIG, we couldn#8217;t help but notice that an ageing employee by the name of Ryan Giggs picked up a bonus from AIG at around the time in question. AIG#8217;s shirt sponsorship of Manchester United has [.

Footballers to get extra driving lessons from PFA

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Young #8216;ballers buying #8216;weapons of destruction#8217; The PFA is arranging for its members to get extra driving lessons to stop them crashing their powerful cars. Spurred on by Cristiano Ronaldo planting his Ferrari into a tunnel at Manchester Airport, the players#8217; union chief executive, Gordon Taylor, has struck up a deal with driving school BSM which [.

Five conclusions Champions League quarter-final draw

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1. That couldn#8217;t really have gone much better for the English clubs. Their two main threats - Barcelona and Bayern Munich - will scrap it out amongst themselves. 2. We told you it would be Liverpool v Chelsea. Spooky! 3. A Manchester United-Arsenal Champions League semi-final sounds tasty. Anyone for pizza?

Ronaldo struggles to keep his eyes open

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Back to bad habits? We all knew that Originaldo was struggling to kick the transvestite prostitute/nightclub addiction, but training with Corinthians yesterday it looked like he was definitely back to his old ways as he took to holding his eyes open by hand. Share on Facebookimg src="http://feeds2.feedburner.

Rafa Benitez is a sucker for a good banner

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Giant flag convinces Spaniard to put pen to paper Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez has revealed that a banner taken to games by a Liverpool fan convinced him that his future lay at Liverpool during his long-running contract dispute. Benitez eventually put his Juan Hancock on a new five-year deal yesterday.

Michael Owen is not injury prone, OK?

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Stop laughing Newcastle United striker Michael Owen has produced the quote of the day by declaring that he is not injury prone. The 29-year-old, who has just returned to the Magpies side (again) after being out since January said: #8220;It is frustrating. However, and people will probably laugh, but I know I#8217;m not injury-prone.

The details of Rafa Benitez’s new contract

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ATTN: Rafael Benitez, The Most Expensive House in the Wirral. Merseyside. CH46 1RB. Subject: NOTICE OF CHANGE TO EMPLOYMENT CONTRACT. Dear Rafa, As agreed in our discussion of Monday 19th March, 2009, the following changes in your employment contract will take effect on 1st April 2009. Details of change: Contract dated 01/07/2004 – Clauses 2,4, 7a, 12, and [.

Bolo Zenden gets lasered

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Ex-Liverpool man#8217;s face goes green Footballing Houdini Bolo Zenden completed an interested week by being attacked with a laser pen during last night#8217;s Uefa Cup tie between Marseille and Ajax. Footage of the match clearly showed a green laser flashing across the Dutchman#8217;s face. Play was briefly stopped by the referee after Zenden complained about the incident.

Gary Neville’s Manchester United shrubbery

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Veteran defender#8217;s even loyal in his topiary Manchester United defender Gary Nevillie might be red to the core, but he has also got green fingers. Red Nev has taken his love for his club a stage further by planting an MUFC flower display at the gates of his mansion. The fledgling shrubbery - now surely a priority [.

Patrice Evra’s ultra-attacking five-a-side team

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Man Utd full-back throws caution to the wind Mmm, jumpers for goalposts, isn#8217;t it? Rush keeper and four up front. And it seems that Manchester United left-back Patrice Evra shares Ron Manager#8217;s philosophy on football. Asked to name is top five-a-side team from his current United team-mates, Evra said: #8220;I'd go for Ryan, Scholesy, Fletch, Ji [.

A clash of footballing cultures, or why Spain won Euro 2008 and England didn’t?

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Whistle while you work Posts might be a bit thinner on the ground than usual over the next couple of days as I am travelling around sunny Spain at the minute. Off The Post is a football blog not a travel journal, but here is a little football-related anecdote. Yesterday I sit in on a Spanish PE [...

Your clicks makes Off The Post happy

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Why is Didier Drogba watching you urinate in Spanish toilets?

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It#8217;s the question everyone#8217;s asking Thanks to OTP reader Ben Maher, who was disturbed but slightly homoured by the sight of Didier Drogba staring him in the eye as he went for a leak in a bar in Mallorca. We can#8217;t find anything mentioning a toilet sponsorship deal with Heineken, so Drogba#8217;s agent might want to look [.

Nicklas Bendtner can’t score for Arsenal, and he doesn’t want anyone else scoring either

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A jealous Dane Given Nicklas Bendtner#8217;s numerous missed chances against Blackburn at the weekend, you would have thought the Arsenal striker might be grateful for someone bailing him out by firing the Gunners to victory. Clearly not. This photo of Andrei Arshavin celebrating after scoring his sexy goal first goal for the club shows just how delighted [.

Arsenal’s Cesc Fabregas accused of spitting at Hull assistant manager Brian Horton

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Nasty Tigers try to besmirch Spaniard#8217;s good name Of course he did it: he#8217;s wearing a hoodie! Sorry I think someone left the site in Daily Mail mode - back to the matter in hand. Angelic Arsenal midfielder Cesc Fabregas has been accused of spitting at Hull City assistant manager Brian Horton during last night#8217;s controversial [.

Kitman: Mike Riley has a green day for Arsenal-Hull City match

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Why didn#8217;t you tell me you were wearing green? Spongebob referee Mike Riley is likely to find himself in trouble after allowing both goalkeepers, himself and his two assistants to take to the pitch in green shirts for last night#8217;s FA Cup tie between Arsenal and Hull City. Riley decided to take the cup tie back to [.

Boudewijn Zenden scores a goal, disappears during celebration

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With team-mates like this, who needs an opposition? This has just had me doubled up in laughter, so hopefully it will have the same effect on you. It has often been a criticism levelled at Boudewijn Zenden that he drifts in and out of games too much, but this really takes the biscuit. Bolo found the net [.

Top 10 footballers named Patrick

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Some random Patrick memories from OTP for St Patrick#8217;s Day 1. Patrik Berger Surely the man who did most to import the hairband to English football? 2. Patrick Kluivert The proto-Ronaldo who blazed the Barca superstar to washed-up overweight has-been. We don#8217;t doubt he#8217;ll be having a few bevvies tonight.

Is this Cristiano Ronaldo giving Liverpool fans the finger?

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Yes, unless someone borrowed a Bentley to pull of this hoax! This shaky mobile phone footage shows Liverpool fans unleashing a barrage of verbal abuse on Cristiano Ronaldo as he drives alongside them in his Bentley Continental GT. C-Ron eventually succumbs to temptation, give the Reds supporters the middle finger salute, and proves that his motor [.

Hard Tackle: David Wheater gets close to Peter Crouch

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Boro defender goes through the back of lanky striker David Wheater and Peter Crouch get to know each other better during Portsmouth#8217;s game at Middlesbrough on Saturday. Full marks for facial expression and arm placement, boys. Share on Facebookimg src="http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~r/offthepost/TLAa/~4/dde-8L8m6kQ" height="1" width="1"/

Crazy woman calls David Beckham “freakin’ hot”, apologises

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Anything goes in La-La land This video offers a snapshot of some of the difficulties David Beckham faces on a day-to-day basis. Driving though Los Angeles (this action is obviously pre-transfer saga) minding his own business, Becks is unfortunate enough to get stopped at traffic lights alongside a crazy lady who like to intersperse her YouTube [.

Alan Pardew says sorry for rape incident

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Michael Essien neither raped nor raked Ched Evans After Sunday night#8217;s MOTD2 rape fiasco, ex-Charlton boss and presumably ex-BBC pundit Alan Pardew has issued an apology. A statement released by the Beeb said: #8220;Alan Pardew apologises unconditionally for any offence caused by remarks he made in the Match of the Day 2 programme last night.

Did Clive Owen shoot Morten Gamst Pedersen?

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Blackburn diver#8217;s name is cleared Finally, an explanation for Morten Gamst Pedersen#8217;s ridiculously embarrassing penalty area tumble against Arsenal that doesn#8217;t make the Blackburn man look like a cheating scumbag. The truth of the matter is that he was shot by Clive Owen. Spotted on The Offside Share on Facebookimg src="http://feeds2.

Football video: Austrian players foul the referee

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How not to get the ref on your side In modern football, a tackle from behind is always likely to get you at least a booking. But if the tackle from behind also happens to be on the referee then you really are asking for trouble. The two teams are Austrian outfits Rapid Vienna and Kapfenburg. [...]img src="http://feeds2.

Sponsored post

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Ray Winstone backs the FA’s Respect campaign

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Hollywood hardman is reffin#8217; and blindin#8217; Mild-mannered actor and West Ham fan Ray Winstone has lent his support to the FA#8217;s Respect campaign in this new commercial. Winstone takes on the part of an over-enthusiastic dad giving it a bit of verbal and a more laidback narrator who is happy just to watch the action.

Fat Ronaldo can’t promise he has quit the trannies

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Originaldo faces temptation Spherical footballer Ronaldo has poured cold water over talk of a comeback to the big-time after two goals in two games for new club Corinthians by refusing to even lie about kicking his partying habits. A brave journalist brought up the subject of the time Ronaldo accidentally picked up two transvestite prostitutes (only [.

‘Do Are Ya? Marouane Fellaini

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Bye-bye comedy afro, hello corn-rows The route from afro to corn-rows is a well-trodden one. Rio Ferdinand is perhaps the most notable example of such a transition. And in the wake of fun-poking from the likes of OTP, Everton midfielder Marouane Fellaini opted to take decisive action. An improvement?

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 14-15 March

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1. The title race is not really back on. Manchester United still have a game in hand and too much for Liverpool in the long-run. 2. Sir Alex Ferguson will be hoping that was just the worst European hangover ever. Liverpool may have benefited from the extra day of rest, but surely you shouldn#8217;t be too [.

Meet David Beckham’s new LA Galaxy coach

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Is Becks really going to take instruction from this man? Give a warm OTP welcome to Andy Bridgman. Andy is a police community support officer from Surrey. If you didn#8217;t know, that is a sort of civilian police employee who gives up hours of their time despite having very few powers for the kick of parading [.

Damn you, Arsenal!

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Gunners#8217; early goal ruins commentator#8217;s day Arsenal v Blackburn Match of the Day commentator Simon Brotherton probably wasn#8217;t too concerned when he suffered a bout of verbal diarrhoea about the Arsenal captaincy as Arsene Wenger#8217;s men passed the ball around the defence. These things can be edited out of highlights packages after all.

Dive of the week: Morten Gamst Pedersen against Blackburn

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Make that dive of the season This is probably painful viewing for Blackburn fans, but it is hilarious for the rest of us. Morten Gamst Pedersen tries to cheat his way to being awarded a penalty against Arsenal on Saturday, but it is safe to say that an acting career probably doesn#8217;t await when he hangs [.

Football video: Alan Pardew accuses Michael Essien of rape

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When does a shoulder barge become sexual assault? Ex-Charlton Athletic boss Alan Pardew had better get himself back on the managerial merry-go-round very soon because a career in punditry now looks a distinctly distant prospect. On MOTD2 last night, Pardew turned Alan Partridge with an embarrassing display of media skills.

Iker Casillas has very sensitive eyes

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Real Madrid keeper may have to adopt Edgar Davids#8217; goggles How do we know this? Well, first of all Iker#8217;s eyes seemed to be watering constantly from the moment Liverpool went 3-0 up against Real Madrid last Tuesday night. And now we have the evidence above, which clearly shows that being shoved in the chest causes [.

Meet Robbie Keane’s Liverpool replacement

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Andrea Dossena - goalscoring superstar It is fair to say that £7 million left-back Andrea Dossena has not necessarily won over the Kop with his defensive performances. But a magical week at the other end of the pitch has secured the Italian#8217;s place in Liverpool folklore. Dossena has become the Reds#8217; official icing on the cake - [.

Woah! Liverpool stun United

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Manchester United 1-4 Liverpool We don#8217;t normally comment too much on the weekend action until our weekend conclusions on Monday, but this merits a special mention. I still think that Manchester United have got the title wrapped up, but a bit of a wobble is good for the neutrals. And what a week for Liverpool.

Hard Tackle: Is Newcastle striker about to become the Premier League’s first openly gay player?

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Xisco loves to be photographed snogging men The photographic evidence suggests that Newcastle United striker Xisco could soon become the first openly gay player to ply his trade in the Premier League. We will stop at this juncture to halt the high horse brigade in their tracks: have we said their is anything wrong with this?

The Daft Punt

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OTP's fortnightly betting round-up With so much football on over the last couple of weeks, it is hard to believe that it is time for The Daft Punt column to take a look at some of the more original football bets once again. Time flies when you are having fun. With every single Premier League team in [.

Football video: Brazilian footballer pretends to be hit by linesman’s flag

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The most pointless piece of playacting ever When Originaldo broke his duck and a fence in the match between Corinthians and Palmeiras this understandably caught our attention. The same match featured this beauty though. We know diving is cheating and wrong and evil, but we can at least see the perks of getting an opponent sent-off or [.

Top 10 things that would probably make Jose Mourinho punch someone

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OTP's special theories on the alleged assault 1. He spotted Arsene Wenger in nearby bushes watching him getting onto the coach through binoculars. 2. Someone was posing a threat to his daughter and/or pets. 3. Someone insulted Frank Lampard. (Maybe this should go above daughter and pets). 4. He spotted Arsene Wenger.

The miss to end all misses: Brazilian striker’s triple miss

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What's the collective noun for sitters? A three-piece suite of sitters, maybe? Anyway, this is Gremio striker Jonas missing three incredible gilt-edged chances to score against Colombian outfit Boyaca Chico in the Copa Libertadores. Firstly, he found himself one-on-one with goalkeeper but bottled it and scuffed his shot straight at the keeper.

Smithy’s motivational speech to the England squad - the full video

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"We save the tears for home." We brought you a clip yesterday, and now the full video of comedian James Corden (Smithy from Gavin and Stacey) psyching up the England squad in a Comic Relief sketch is available. Rio Ferdinand - a mate of Corden's - gets all the best lines. Share on Facebook

Carlton Palmer appears in bath to give bet money back

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Isn't this nice, just you and Carlton Palmer having a bath? Sssshhh This is probably the most disturbing advert I have ever seen. Carlton Palmer suddenly appears in the bath to give one unsuspecting punter a Money Back Special from bookmaker Paddy Power. It's the 'Sshhh' that gets me. Don't have nightmares, kids!

Wayne Rooney hates Liverpool. Oh wait, no he doesn’t

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Manchester United scramble to get their propaganda in order Hate is a strong word. So strong in fact that if your star striker uses it in relation to your next opponents and main title rivals then you had better do some Stalin-esque revisionism pronto. Manchester United had to employ just such tactics after Wayne Rooney claimed [.

Football video: MUTV phone-in caller congratulates Gary Pallister on ‘the size of his bulge’

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Pally gets a dirty phonecall live on air Manchester United's television channel, the imaginatively-titled MUTV, has already tried it's hand at being Gordon Ramsay and now they are attempting to break into the soft porn market with a new show that features Gary Pallister fielding dirty phonecalls. OK, that is not strictly true but caller Simon from [.

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Football video: MUTV phone-in caller congratulates Gary Pallister on ‘the size of his balls’

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Pally gets a dirty phonecall live on air Manchester United's television channel, the imaginatively-titled MUTV, has already tried it's hand at being Gordon Ramsay and now they are attempting to break into the soft porn market with a new show that features Gary Pallister fielding dirty phonecalls. OK, that is not strictly true but caller Simon from [.

Football video: Fat Ronaldo scores again

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And it's not even with transvestites The chubbier of the two Ronaldos (or Originaldo as we might take to calling him) has continued his impressive comeback with another goal for Corinthians. The ex-AC Milan striker found the net against Sao Caetano to take him to two goals in two games since his return from a lengthy [.

Top 10 conclusions Champions League last 16 matches 11 March

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1. Four English teams safely through to the quarter finals of the Champions League and another all-Anglo final a distinct prospect. It would make you proud to be English if only they could field a team of 11 Englishmen between them! 2. Chelsea will face Liverpool. It is written in the stars or something.

Why Mirko Vucinic should not have been allowed to take a penalty for Roma against Arsenal

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Sponsor should have warned Italian side Roma should not have been surprised by Mirko Vucinic's awful effort in last night's penalty shootout. Everyone's favourite stripping Montenegrin even misses penalties in his own adverts for Roma's shirt sponsors so it is unclear who thought he would do better in a Champions League match.

James Corden motivates the England squad for World Cup glory

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"You've started to fear the robot!" Comedian James Corden, of Gavin and Stacey fame, met the England squad before their recent match against Spain to record a sketch for Comic Relief. Corden's character Smithy is apparently in the England hotel on a plumbing job but ends up giving a motivational speech to the team.

Victor Anichebe suspected of being jewellery thief

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Striker grilled by cops Everton's Victor Anichebe was questioned by police who feared he was planning a raid on a jewellery shop. Five officers swooped on Anichebe and his friend in Knutsford, Cheshire, believing his was casing the jewellers for a robbery. Presumably Anichebe was giving particular thought to his getaway plans given that he is on [.

Clicking makes our sponsors happy

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Cristiano Ronaldo and Zlatan Ibrahimovic wouldn’t call their game off for a poxy sandstorm

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Real men play in thunderstorms While Asian Champions League matches might get called off if there is a bit of sand blowing around, Cristiano Ronaldo and Zlatan Ibrahimovic have been badly Photoshopped would happily play in a thunderstorm. In truth the Nike whores are showing off their brand spanking new, presumably rubber-soled Mercurial Vapor Superfly boots, [.

Hard Tackle: Advert looks at football’s homoerotic side

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It's a man's man's game Homosexuality might be one of football's last remaining taboos, but this advert for Sol beer suggests there is not good reason for this! Share on Facebook

That shot was a metre off target. Now you must take a ball to the face

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Hardcore training with Uzbekistan national team This video seems to be fake, but I can't workout why someone would go to the effort of creating it. The spiel on YouTube says this is the Uzbekistan national team in training. The point being that Australia had better be worried about their upcoming match given the accuracy of [.

Champions League game called off

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Asian Champions League, that is The Asian Champions League tie between Saudi Arabia's Al-Hilal and Saba Battery of Iran last night was called off because of a sandstorm. While the closest the Premier League's finest get to sand on a Champions League night is a sneaky trip to the Caribbean if they collect enough yellow cards, [.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic takes delivery of his new Nike Mercurial Vapor Superfly

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Inter and United's battle of the boots Nike have chosen tonight's Champions League match between Manchester United and Inter Milan to launch their Mercurial Vapor Superfly boot. Both Cristiano Ronaldo and Zlatan Ibrahimovic will be sporting the new footwear at Old Trafford tonight. The video above shows the boot going through the manufacturing process and being delivered [.

Top 10 conclusions Champions League last 16 matches 10 March

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1. A 4-0 aggregate would have been embarrassing enough for Real Madrid, but surely watching Andrea Dossena fire home is the ultimate humiliation. Even the Liverpool subs were in hysterics. 2. Juande Ramos probably still hates England. 3. Chelsea have had a pretty lucky escape. They weren't really worth their draw in Turin and it could easily [.

Arsenal duo quit meat over muscle fears

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Van Persie and Toure think their careers are at steak Robin Van Persie and Kolo Toure have both cut meat out of their diet because they believe eating it causes muscle injuries. The Sun reports that both Arsenal players have significantly reduced their meat intake and think it has prevented them from picking up injuries.

Sir Alex Ferguson takes to the kitchen

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Fergie cooks up a storm Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has proved his palate extends beyond red wine and Wrigley's chewing gum by taking part in the Red Devil's Kitchen show on MUTV. Fergie followed Patrice Evra and Dennis Irwin in working for chef Romain Camos on the new programme. Fergie had to serve up a [.

Ways to keep in touch with/spread the word about Off The Post

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Getting your OTP fix has never been so easy Become our fan on Facebook Follow us on Twitter Subscribe to our RSS feed Get a daily email straight to your inbox. Sign up at the top of the left sidebar If you do any of these things, we will send a team of pixies led by Gianfranco Zola to polish [...]

Top Five bad ball boys

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The cheekiest pitchside pranksters 1. Brazil's goalscoring ball boy We still don't know how he got away with this one. I shot goes harmlessly wide of the goal, moments later the ball boy dribbles the ball onto the pitch and into the net, and for some reason the goal is awarded! 2. The quick-thinking assister This Israeli ball [.

Lynx Bullet

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Claudio Ranieri finds a way to increase tinkering productivity by a third

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Juventus boss grows extra limb Claudio 'Tinkerman' Ranieri has found a method of tinkering with his Juventus squad even more than was possible during his time at Chelsea. Spotted on 4TheGame Share on Facebook

Football video: German goalkeeper launches quick attack (for the opposition)

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Keeper gives opponent headache and goal German football's third tier witnesses a goalkeeping blunder of the highest proportions this week. When Fortuna Dusseldorf keeper Michael Melka comfortably collected a cross against Grassow he was eager to get his side on the attack again. But, as the old saying goes act in haste repent at leisure.

Who has the worst new ailment: Jade Goody or Cristiano Ronaldo?

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Bad week for The Sun's sub-editors! Oops. You would have thought The Sun could have come up with a headline for this story on Cristiano Ronaldo's temper that didn't make it seem like he was directly competing with Jade Goody for the nation's sympathy. Share on Facebook

Why would Andrei Arshavin want to email Nicklas Bendtner? Eh?

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Russian quote machine is a Luddite Andrei Arshavin will probably earn more money from now until the end of the season (or the week) than you are likely to see in your lifetime, but that doesn't mean he needs to get flash with the cash over the unnecessary trappings of modern life. For instance, what would [.

Pepe Reina gives Iker Casillas an English lesson

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Real Madrid keeper prepares for his trip to Liverpool Liverpool goalkeeper Pepe Reina has been giving Real Madrid's Iker Casillas some language tips before the two Spaniards meet at Anfield on Wednesday night. At one point Casillas successfully translates 'Liverpool are the best team' into Spanish, but he cannot quite bring himself to declare Pepe Reina [.

Football video: Referee wrongly awards penalty, demands goalkeeper saves it

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Crazy action from the Belgian league The match between Belgian sides Gent and Turbize was overshadowed by some bizarre refereeing. Firstly, Gent striker Mbaye Leye cheated his way to a penalty with a devious dive. As you can see in the video above, Turbize goalkeeper Nicolas Ardouin clearly made no contact with Leye.

‘Do Are Ya? Marrouane Fellaini

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Excuse me, I can't see the goal 'Do Are Ya? double whammy today. Marrouane Fellaini's crazy hair had not gone unnoticed by OTP. In fact, it had not gone unnoticed by anyway - it kind of stands out. In the past we had compared the Everton midfielder to Colonel Gaddafi, but Fellaini's hair has long since [.

Football video: Tim Cahill’s son falls off his chair

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On your head, son It appears Tim Cahill's young son has not inherited daddy's trademark spring. For while Cahill Snr would surely have happily jumped down from his chair at Goodison Park, the youngster chose a rather more unorthodox dismount during yesterday's FA Cup tie with Middlesbrough. Spotted on 101GreatGoals Share on Facebook

Emmanuel Adebayor’s Top 10 YouTube quotes

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The genius of Ade's YouTube channel In case you missed it, over the weekend we brought you the latest offering from mynameisadebayor, Emmanuel Adebayor's YouTube channel, in which he showed off his credentials as a potential Top Gear host while discussing comparisons between him and Nwankwo Kanu. The discovery was a hit among some OTP regulars because [.

Hard Tackle: John O’Shea touches up Carlos Tevez

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Time for your prostate exam, Mr Tevez John O'Shea does his best to shake off those rumours by celebrating a goal against Fulham on Saturday by massaging Carlos Tevez's rectum while rubbing the Argentinean up against him. All done with a beaming smile on his face, of course. Share on Facebook

Top 10 current fat footballers

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Following Ronaldo's comeback goal OTP salutes the players who, in the age of nutrition, diet, and cardiovascular thingamajig, still haul their huge frames round a football pitch! 1. Andy Reid Reid has to take top spot though for being a fat, skillful winger in the Premier League era. We have stocky strikers aplenty, but Reid is doing [.

Top 10 conclusions FA Cup weekend 7-8 March

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1. Don't mention the quintuple! But it's still on for Manchester United. 2. No other Premier League team could afford to leave Carlos Tevez out as regularly as United do. 3. Chelsea are in the same league as Bon Jovi and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. They became the third act to sell-out the Ricoh Arena!

David Beckham to set up rival American soccer league?

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What's the MSL? OTP is not quite sure what constitutes an MSL team, but if David Beckham wants one we are pretty sure he will get one. This story comes from today's edition of The Sun. If it is any consolation to American soccerball fans, your league is referred to as the MLS throughout the article [.

Striker gets manager in headlock during boozy punch-up

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Bad boy Lee Hughes could be on his way out of Oldham Former jailbird footballer Lee Hughes is in trouble again after a drunken fight with Oldham manager John Sheridan. The pair clashed during a club night out to Belle Vue dog track in Manchester last week. The incident ended with Hughes holding Sheridan in a [.

‘Do Are Ya? Brad Jones

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Shake, rattle, and goal Middlesbrough keeper Brad Jones obviously decided to do something a bit special for the FA Cup tie against Everton yesterday. The Australian goalie ditched his usual gravity-defying quiff for a gelled back rock'n'roll look. And, as if that look alone wasn't special enough to warrant a mention, Jones guaranteed he would be featured [.

Football video: Goalkeeper breaks his hand punching door

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Dutch goalie's anger rules him out for six weeks AZ Alkmaar keeper Sergio Romero broke his hand after punching a door following his side's cup defeat to NAC Breda last week. The Argentinian - who managed to keep his temper in check until he was in front of a camera - will now miss the Eredivisie [..

Fat Ronaldo scores comeback goal, causes barrier to collapse

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Heavy Brazilian finds net Ronaldo has grabbed his first goal for Corinthians in their match against Palmeiras. The big-boned striker somehow ghosted in at the back post to score a header from a corner. He then threw his copious body up against a fence behind the goal and - having been followed in this act by [.

Cristiano Ronaldo to get sprinting lessons from Usain Bolt

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A great excuse to watch this again When you are top of the pile you have to keep working to stay ahead of the competition. So if fourth-placed Aston Villa are considering sending their young speed merchants Gabriel Agbonlahor and Ashley Young to Michael Johnson's Sprint Academy, Manchester United have to go one better.

Football video: Carlos Tevez’s stunning second goal against Fulham

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Carlos' curler Carlos Tevez looked like he would have fancied his chances of knocking Fulham out of the FA Cup single-handedly. As it happened he had his team-mates to help him beat the Cottagers with ease. He didn't need anyone else to score this goal though. Full FA Cup conclusions on Monday. Spotted on 101GreatGoals Share on Facebook [.

Dean Windass blogs his way into trouble… again!

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Veteran striker claims he was misquoted by himself Dean Windass is discovering the hard way that journalism can be a thankless task after again getting himself into bother through his blog. The Hull City striker, currently on-loan at Oldham Athletic, released a statement through the Latics' official website to moan about his treatment at the hands [.

Emmanuel Adebayor pitches for a job on Top Gear

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The new Jeremy Clarkson? Arsenal striker Emmanuel Adebayor could have a new career lined up when he hangs up his boots. Well, two actually - one as a Top Gear presenter and one as a Kanu lookalike. The Togo international seems to love talking to the camera, but instead of discussing chassis, break horse power or [.

Arsene Wenger’s Top Five horror tackles (with video)

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Horror tackles - stamp them out Arsene Wenger (and the Arsene Wenger Appreciation Society) has been given considerable soapbox space today. Among the issues he has raised is a potential clampdown on horror tackles. He said: "I have seen some horrible tackles this season and I don't think the punishment is sufficient.

Arsene Wenger does his best to shake off the ‘voyeur’ tag

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Arsenal manager has been watching the neighbours again Sometimes Arsene Wenger boggles Off The Post's mind a little bit. He is a clever man, this much we know. Surely he must know that comments he makes about Cristiano Ronaldo will be big news. Which is why he said: "Every bad tackle that is unpunished is not right [.

Football video: Mario Balotelli smashes his groin into the post

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Inter striker does a mid-air Phil Babb Inter Milan striker Mario Balotelli suffered a bit of a painful incident this week after jumping into the goal-post during a match against Sampdoria on Wednesday night. It looks painful on first viewing, as Balotelli seemingly allowed both his head and his manhood to rebound Off The Post.

Manchester City star allegedly blackmailed over iPod

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Man charged over incident While Manchester United players have wholesome, worthwhile activities such as penalty-saving tips on their iPods it appears an unnamed Manchester City's mp3 player might have some more unsavoury downloads. When the iPod was found in a changing room in a clothes shop, the person who found it allegedly decided that it was [.

The Wine Wars: Sir Alex Ferguson selects his bottle for Jose Mourinho

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Fergie ready to pop his cork Sir Alex Ferguson has revealed he has already selected a wine for when he resumes battle with Jose Mourinho next week. The duo will continue their infamous wine wars at Old Trafford on Wednesday night when Manchester United face Inter Milan in the Champions League. Fergie knows he has to raise [.

David Beckham at the Adidas Originals house party

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ASHLEY COLE ARREST: Was Chelsea star driven to drink by Fiona Phillips?

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Breakfast TV presenter to blame for left-back's arrest By now you have probably read elsewhere that Chelsea and England star Ashley Cole has been arrested for being drunk and disorderly. The left-back was locked up after repeatedly swearing at police outside Collection nightclub in west London. Cole spent three hours in a cell while he sobered up, [.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League 3-4 March

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1. Manchester United can still pull off the results even when they are playing pretty poorly - and they were not at their best against Newcastle last night. 2. Maybe all the nonsense talk about Chelsea and Liverpool putting them under pressure with wins on Tuesday night had an effect. I don't know why - they [.

Football video: Steven Taylor slaps Cristiano Ronaldo

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Toon defender can't resist temptation Newcastle centre-back Steven Taylor incensed Cristiano Ronaldo with a slap/clothesline across the face and/or throat of Cristiano Ronaldo during last night's match. Taylor then immediately dived into a two-footed challenge on Michael Carrick and still walked away with just a yellow card!

Eyal Berkovic assaulted coach who substituted his son

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Ex-West Ham and Man City star is a pushy parent! Former Premier League star Eyal Berkovic was yesterday found guilty of assault by an Israeli court after he admitted an attack on a youth football coach who substituted his son. The 36-year-old was seemingly unimpressed when Maccabi Herzliya coach Danny Etzioni took off his son Lior, [.

Matty Taylor and the chlamydia test

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Stoke's interesting advertisers... I bet when Bolton's Matty Taylor arrived at the Britannia Stadium to play Stoke last night he wasn't expecting to be photographed with a chlamydia test. Funny how things turn out. Hopefully these two advertising hoardings are separate, because if Chlamydia Test Sky Sports HD is genuinely a television programme then Sky's standards [.

Football video: Scott Parker is a fish out of water

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Must... get back... to... water As we concluded, an angry Lee Cattermole's attempt at revenge against West Ham last night was pretty woeful and the Wigan midfielder deserved his red card. But equally as criminal as the challenge itself was Scott Parker's attempts to convey to referee Stuart Attwell just how bad the challenge was.

‘Do Are Ya? Obafemi Martins

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Back with a vengeance Everybody's favourite sea urchin-a-like Obafemi Martins is back playing first-team football for Newcastle. If you're wondering what he has been doing to entertain himself during his injury layoff, the answer seems to be growing his hair. And his rehabilitation period may or may not have included spells training in a wind tunnel.

Football video: Edwin Van Der Sar in cock-up shocker

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Reliable keeper has unreliable moment Ah, the dangers of taking a rest. When Tomasz Kusczcak replaced Edwin Van Der Sar in Manchester United's last league game against Blackburn he was standing in for Mr Unbeatable. The Dutch veteran is back in the side for tonight's encounter with Newcastle and handed an early goal on a plate [.

Top 10 football shirt typos

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When kitmen take crack 1. Thomas Zusczcak OK, I will freely admit that I have to look Kusczcak up every time I write it, but even I know that the first letter is a K! Unfortunately, the Man Utd kitman didn't ahead of an FA Cup tie with Crewe. 2. Liedzon When Sporting Lisbon striker Liedson made his [.

Football Lookalikes: Jason Shackell didn’t head the ball, OK?

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Norwich defender offended by accusation he did something This is Norwich City defender Jason Shackell being interviewed by a reporter who is adamant the interviewee had a decent headed opportunity in the first-half of their match with QPR last night. Team-mate Darel Russell, who scored the only goal of the game, is also adamant that Shackell [.

Spring is here

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Kitman: Yet another shirt cock-up… Javier Mascerano

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What are these kitmen on? Another shirt typo has come to light from last weekend's Premier League action. While Roque Satna Cruz stole the limelight, Liverpool's Javier Mascherano silently suffered a similar fate as the Liverpool kitman missed the 'H' out of his surname. Although, maybe without the 'H' commentators could come to some sort of [.

Arsenal scored three goals!!! Nicklas Bendtner scored two goals!!!

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Disclaimer: against West Brom though Arsenal broke their run of four league games without a goal as they defeated West Brom 1-3 at The Hawthorns last night. It remains to be seen whether they can repeat these exploits against Premier League opposition (oo er!). And the Great Danish Ego was on hand to score two of the [.

Football video: Sunderland keeper Marton Fulop hands Liverpool a goal

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Goalie can claim assist if he wants Given their recent run of form, Liverpool were not too proud to accept handouts as they attempt to get their season back on track. They were only too pleased then when Sunderland goalkeeper Marton Fulop generously decided to push a harmless Steven Gerrard cross straight into the path of [.

Alex tries to kill Peter Crouch

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A strangled giraffe How to deal with all 6ft 7in of Peter Crouch has long been a dilemma for Premier League defenders. Chelsea centre-back Alex came up with a novel and yet seemingly effective tactic to thwart the Portsmouth striker last night - strangle him. Share on Facebook

Football video: Stig Tofting tries celebrity boxing (with some success)

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Stig of the thump Given a fairly lengthy criminal record, including time inside for headbutting a cafe owner, it should probably come as little surprise that former Bolton player Stig Tofting has taken to the boxing ring like a duck to water. The former Danish international has been taking part in a celebrity boxing tournament in his [.

Football video: Photographer knocked out by wayward shot

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One way footballer's can fight back at the paparazzi This footage comes from last week's Copa Libertadores clash between Estudiantes of Argentina and Bolivia's Univer. de Sucre. The powerful shot was never going to trouble the goalkeeper, but it does leave a photographer in a spot of bother! Spotted on 101GreatGoals Share on Facebook

Anderson’s mysterious ghost arm

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Watch out, kids If you thought the most disturbing thing to come out of the Carling Cup final was that Cristiano Ronaldo got booked for diving on the one occasion when he didn't actually dive, think again. OTP has spotted a mysterious figure on the arm of Manchester United midfielder Anderson. The strange sketch seems to [.

Arsenal and Liverpool target is a whizz in the kitchen

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Valencia defender could soon be serving up paella for Cesc or Nando Arsenal and Liverpool are both being linked with a move for Valencia defender Raul Albiol. As the video above shows, the 23-year-old fancies himself as a bit of a cook. Perhaps Liverpool's large Spanish contingent makes them a more favourable destination - he wouldn't [.

Hard Tackle: Luciano Becchio gets caught in a compromising position

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Leeds forward hoses down the pitch? Leeds United's Argentinean striker Luciano Becchio grabbed his side's equaliser against pink-clad Oldham last night and celebrated in quite bizarre fashion. This still shot captures Becchio in a stance that wouldn't look out of place in a urinal, although the rest of the celebrations would!

New England home kit available now to pre-order

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Click the image above to pre-order your shirt and ensure you are among the first fans to get the new England home kit. Share on Facebook

Football video: Kaka watches himself on a zoetrope in Sony advert

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A what? I don't know how you like to chill out after a hard day at work, but Kaka like nothing better than rounding up a group of strangers to watch him perform on a 19th century entertainment console. In this advert for Sony, the AC Milan star sees himself on the world's largest zoetrope - [...]

Oldham Athletic are pretty in pink for Leeds clash

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They do a lot for charidee, mate Oldham Athletic donned a one-off neon pink strip for last night's televised match against Leeds United to help raise funds for the Victoria Breast Unit at the Royal Oldham Hospital, which neighbours Boundary Park. After a 1-1 draw manager John Sheridan said: "It was always going to be a [.

Guus Hiddink revives Kevin Keegan’s ‘I would love it’ rant

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Chelsea boss throws scraps to tabloid hacks Guus Hiddink sparked a frenzy of Photoshop activity among Britain's red-top newspapers as he uttered the four magic words that journalists have had their ears trained to hear from Premier League title contenders since 1996. Having heard the Chelsea coach say "I would love it", the journalists [.

‘Do Are Ya? Andrei Arshavin

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Would you like your bald patch on the left or the right? Andrei Arshavin has such a lack of trust for his grasp of English and/or London-based hair stylists that he flies his old hairdresser in from St Petersburg when the need arises. Stylist Denis Volkov has confirmed the agreement in Russian newspapers.

Kitman: Another shirt blunder… Peter Lovenkradns

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It's the right 11 letters, but not necessarily in the right order Having brought your attention to Blackburn's new signing Roque Satna Cruz yesterday, we realised we missed this beauty from a couple of weeks ago. Newcastle marked the debut of Danish striker Peter Lovenkrands by spelling his name wrong on his shirt.

Football video: Nasty leg break from Sweden

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That's dangling, folks This is AIK goalkeeper Tomi Maanoja suffering from a bout of what the professionals call Djibril Cisse syndome - a mere dangling broken leg to you and me. If this doesn't make you say "Ouch!" the first time you see it then you have no heart and possibly no tibia. Best wishes to Tomi [.

Kitman: There’s only one Roque Santa Satna Cruz

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Blackburn kitman drops a clanger The Blackburn kitman got his N and his T in a bit of a muddle for yesterday's match with Hull City. He probably wonders why he never get any presents as a kid, but if you can't even spell Santa right what do you expect? Thanks to OTP reader Lupek for [...]

‘Do Are Ya? Gareth Bale

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We know what you're hiding Gareth Bale's tri-panelled hairdo has apparently seen him become an easy target for a bit of banter from the Spurs staff. But amid suggestions that a trip to the barber might help the young Welshman concentrate on his football rather than the precisely gelled position of every single lock of hair, [.

“In goals: number one, Ballhead”

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The only footballer with a rounder head than Paddy Kenny You know when you used to get told that if you spent so long staring at the TV you would square eyes? Well, Villarreal keeper Diego Lopez's mum tried to tell him that if he spent so long staring at footballs his head would turn into [...]

Football video: Cristiano Ronaldo doesn’t dive (for once)

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Your reputation precedes you, Mr Ronaldo Manchester United's Cristiano Ronaldo thought he had won a penalty during yesterday's Carling Cup final when Ledley King tripped him in the area. Referee Chris Foy had other ideas and booked Ronaldo for diving. Replays show that King clearly caught the Portuguese international and that a penalty should have been [.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 28 February-1 March

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1. Liverpool defeat Real Madrid and give Middlesbrough their first win in 14 games in the same week. You've got to love football. 2. Awful weekend for Middlesbrough safety officer Sue Watson. Two goals against Liverpool provided two legitimate opportunities for standing and/or chanting. Disgraceful. 3.

Rio Ferdinand picks an owl as his ring-bearer

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Suppose he would have only forgot them otherwise! Manchester United and England defender Rio Ferdinand has arranged for a barn owl to swoop down the aisle with the rings when he marries fiancee Rebecca Ellison in August. The owl will fly down when the registar asks 'Do you have the rings?' and will land on the [.

Arsene Wenger backs new-look strikeforce to find the net for Arsenal

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Desperate boss tries one last throw of the dice Arsene Wenger has shaken up his attacking combinations once more as he seeks to break a sequence of results in which the Gooners have failed to score in four consecutive Premier League games. This looks like your perfect big man, little combination to OTP.

Defeat to Everton takes the biscuit for chocoholic Tony Mowbray

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Missed chances sure to leave West Brom boss reaching for the Kit Kats West Brom are testing Tony Mowbray's resolve to its limits. The self-confessed chocoholic has given up chocolate, including his beloved KitKats, for Lent. Even before the 2-0 defeat to Everton, Mowbray said: "It will test my will power.

Watch the video please

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Share on Facebookimg src="http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~r/offthepost/TLAa/~4/DoUHGtTFtnM" height="1" width="1"/

Your mum is probably safe from El-Hadji Diouf

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Deformed Blackburn striker poses no threat Any concerned OTP readers who have been keeping their mum (and possibly dad) under lock and key to keep them away from self-professed sex fiend El-Hadji Diouf can breathe easy. The Blackburn Rovers striker appears to short of a few fingers, an eye and, of course, a brain.

Five conclusions Carling Cup final

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1. The quintuple is still on for Manchester United then. It is a big ask, but then again they won this one without some of their biggest stars. 2. Ben Foster was immense. Please let him stay fit in the run-up to next year's World Cup. 3. So David Bentley can hit a skip from a roof, [...]

Football video: Manchester United v Tottenham Hotspur, Carling Cup final penalty shootout

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The spot-kicks that settled the silverware The Carling Cup final went the whole way earlier today. This is the penalty shootout that eventually settled the match after a goalless 120 minutes. Man Utd emerged 4-1 winners at the end of the shootout. For now you can enjoy the action (particularly look out for the contrast in Carling [.