Off the Post Archives for January 2009

And the award for most disturbing headline of 2009 goes to…

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You can thank The Independent for putting that thought in your head!


Hard Tackle: Michael Ballack mounts Paul Konchesky

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Ballack takes Konchesky up the Bridge The west London derby got very heated thanks to the efforts of Michael Ballack. And you thought Chelsea were lacking penetration...


Joey Barton announces his changed ways by slagging fellow footballers on Radio 4

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Newcastle midfielder reveals he did loads of naughty things we don't know about Newcastle bad boy Joey Barton has hit out at his fellow professionals for being out of touch with reality. The 27-year-old reckons getting in trouble for his past misdemeanours, including his time in jail, has given him a perspective lacking in other footballers.

Video: David Beckham trains with AC Milan

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Becks meets his old new team-mates After all the pressure of being MLS's biggest fish, it must have been nice for David Beckham to kickback with AC Milan's superstar squad... for a training session which appears to have had its very own Beckhamcam! Becks was given a clean bill of health at his medical check-up.

Bolton fans display ‘Megson Out’ banner

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Wanderers supporters do not like losing two-goal leads against Hull The love affair between Bolton Wanderers fans and Gary Megson has always been rocky at the best of times. His appointment was met with widespread indifference/anger and Megson has been fighting an uphill battle for their affections ever since.

Video: Fernando Torres become fastest Liverpool player to 50 league goals, secures victory against Aston Villa

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El Nino tots up a half-century Fernando Torres became the fastest Liverpool player to bag 50 league goals with his strike against Aston Villa. The injury-time effort gave the Reds a vital 1-0 victory. The match was Torres' 72nd league game. Only Andy Cole, Alan Shearer and Ruud Van Nistelrooy reached the milestone faster than the Spaniard.

Blackpool boss Ian Holloway ditches the tactics board for teddy bears

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Cuddly formations Ian Holloway might be renowned for his outlandish approach to football management, but his latest ploy is zany even by his standards. The Blackpool manager has invested in 22 teddy bears to demonstrate formations and tactics to his players. The ex-Plymouth boss bought the bears in a pub, but at least his purchases raised some [.

Kitman: Roberto Mancini’s Manchester City scarf

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Don't call me scarf ace If you were wondering what Manchester City executive chairman Garry Cook's New Year's Resolution will be, chances are it will involve capitalising on the fashion trend started by their scarf-loving manager. Yes, expect Citeh's first purchase of the January transfer window to be a bulk purchase of neckwear to bolster their [.

‘Do Are Ya? Christian ‘Chucho’ Benitez

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Birmingham striker is a true star The front says Fresh Prince, but the back says Newcastle Brown Ale. Birmingham striker Chucho Benitez has turned his barnet into a piece of artwork. Not that Alex McLeish will mind if the goals keep coming.


Top 10 conclusions Premier League 28 December

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1. The African involvement in Chelsea's get out of jail free card against Fulham speaks volumes for what could be a shaky few weeks ahead. 2. Having said that, Carlo Ancelotti might spend today investigating Ricardo Carvalho's heritage to see if he can ship him off for a while. 3. An assist from Robinho.

Video: Cristiano Ronaldo gets shown up by a 12-year-old Uzbeki

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World's most expensive player finds his skills under scrutiny This clip comes from just before Christmas when Real Madrid star Cristiano Ronaldo gave a 'master-class' training session to a youth team from FC Bunyodkor in Uzbekistan. One cheeky upstart sensed this could be his 15 minutes of fame and pretty soon it was difficult to work [.

Two stories that could add up to the most disturbing piece of news in Premier League history

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Ancelotti threatens to streak - but the transfer rumours continue We all had a good chuckle over the festive period when Carlo Ancelotti came out with this gem: "I can tell you, I will not be buying anybody in January. Absolutely no way. I am willing to pay a forfeit if I do, even to run [...]


Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 26-27 December

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1. Manchester City were obviously concerned that Stoke's bully tactics might extend to stealing the ball. Someone wrote 'MCFC' on the ball in marker pen. 2. Presumably that was a PR bod who escorted Roberto Mancini out of the tunnel before letting him take the applause by himself... and then shake hands with Peter Reid instead [.

Revealed: Premier League manager who visited Thai sex workers

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Well, an assistant manager Peter Reid told the December edition of FourFourTwo: "I saw some ping-pong action in 1984 when Howard [Kendall] took us over there [to Thailand] after we won the FA Cup. It's pretty impressive what those ladies can do with a ping-pong ball and no table-tennis table." As for today's reports in The Sun, [.

Football to the balls

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Top five football quotes of the week

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Proof footballers should let their feet do the talking 1. "Liverpool are crumbling like a deck of cards." Tony Cascarino hasn't been impressed with the facilities on the poker circuit. 2. "We tried to play our way back into the game – maybe too much too little in the end." It was a feast and a famine for Phil [.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 19-20 December

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1. Santa scored twice for Man City but he only brought Mark Hughes his p45. 2. Which also leads us to conclude: don't draw games or you'll get sacked. 3. Manchester united need defenders desperately. 4. Liverpool took that spoof Band Aid remake a bit too seriously. 5. It looks like Carlos Tevez is [.

Rafa Benitez’s “the referee was perfect” routine

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Liverpool boss shows his crazy side again Under-pressure Rafa Benitez was as entertaining as he always is whenever he feels the strain a bit following Portsmouth's victory over his Liverpool side. The Spaniard sprinkled his television interviews with the phrase: "The referee was perfect." He then went on to give it as a stock answer in his [.

Football Lookalikes: Younes Kaboul and Laurence Fishburne

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Youn know who you look like? One is famous for being in films where you have to dodge bullets, the other plays for a Premier League sitting duck. Thanks to serial lookalike spotter Paul Platt.


Video: Kaka fails to blow a vuvuzela

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Only two out of three footballers capable of making annoying noise If a half-decent lung capacity was a pre-requisite for being a footballer then Kaka would probably be a vicar right now. The Real Madrid star showed a distinct lack of puff as he attempted to blow a vuvuzela to celebrate yet another launch of the [.

Nouveau cliche: “That’s why you have a man on the post”

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Twinned with: "That's why you should have a man on the post There is nothing like cutting tactical analysis and this is nothing like cutting tactical analysis. Every single time a player makes a goal-line clearance from a corner along comes the accompanying knee-jerk commentary line: "That's why you have a man on the post.

Hilarious football Band Aid remake. Do They Know It’s Christmas? (Don’t Beat Portsmouth)

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At Christmastime it's hard to watch Dindane up front This stroke of genius features all manner of football personalities reworking the Christmas classic 'Do They Know It's Christmas?'. Whereas the original was to raise awareness of African children whose biggest problem was seemingly a lack of snow, this updated version is in aid of Premier League [.

Football Lookalikes: Gary Megson and Toby Flenderson from The Office (US)

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Both their surnames end in '-son', they're both balding and they both manage a motley crew of personnel. Yes, it turns out Bolton boss Gary Megson is a bit of a ringer for actor Paul Lieberstein, who plays Toby Flenderson in the American version of The Office. Thanks to OTP reader Paul Platt for the spot.

Mick McCarthy annoys Premier League and Wolves fans by fielding his reserves against Man Utd

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A team capable of going to Old Trafford and picking up a defeat Wolves face a Premier League fine and a backlash from their own supporters after sending out a second string side to play Manchester United last night. The stand-ins went down 3-0 at Old Trafford as United moved to the top of the [...]


Video: Benoit Assou-Ekotto attacks a Tottenham fan

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Ooh-aah-Benoit Spurs defender Benoit-Assou Ekotto is likely to find himself back in the supporters' bad books after attacking a fan as he walked off the pitch following Saturday's defeat to Wolves. He apparently took exception to being told: "You're s**t." We can only assume the cutting jibe was a bit too close to home for Assou-Ekotto's liking!

‘Irregular betting’ accusations over Ryan Giggs’ BBC Sports Personality of the Year win

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Man Yoo star's gong makes some people rich Ryan Giggs' surprise BBC Sports Personality of the Year victory might not have been such a shock to some punters. Accusations have been made that news of the 36-year-old's win was leaked in the 20 minutes before he received the trophy after a late flurry of bets forced [.

Nouveau cliche: “Indecision is final”

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Sick as a parrot and over the moon are now cliched football cliches. OTP's new feature looks at modern day phrases that football could live without We kick-off this new feature with an Alan Hansen special. The MOTD pundit has been rolling out his favourite 'indecision is final' line for years now. The first time you [.

Video: Wayne Rooney proves his diving is not world class

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Wazza booked for phantom foul Manchester United lost to Aston Villa on Saturday, but they weren't going to go down without a fight. Actually, scrap that: some of them were going down without so much as a trace of contact. Step forward, Jimmy Rooney. Surely not. A Wayne Rooney dive? Video spotted on 101GG [.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 12-13 December

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1. It was a great weekend for the Premier League. It is always good for the big boys to be taken down a peg or two and for the other teams to sense they are still within reach. 2. Arsene Wenger seemed to conclude that too. A draw for Chelsea, defeat for Man Utd and victory [...]


Video: Ryan Giggs wins BBC Sports Personality of the Year

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Man Utd veteran picks up Beeb gong In case you doubted just how nice a bloke Ryan Giggs is, this video ought to put your mind at rest. Not only is clearly humbled at receiving the award, he also uses his acceptance speech to put the kids to bed!


Video: Wigan’s Maynor Figueroa scores an incredible free-kick from his own half

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One quick-thinking Honduran Conceding a free-kick in the opposition's half is not usually a very costly place to commit a foul, but Wigan full-back Maynor Figueroa made Stoke pay the ultimate price this afternoon. Quick as a flash he fired the ball from his own half, over Thomas Sorensen's head and into the net.

Colin Kazim Richards transfer-listed over team sex orgies

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Coca Cola Kid could be on his way back to Blighty Turkey international Colin Kazim Richards has been put on the transfer list by Fenerbahce over claims he organised hotel orgies with three team-mates. The former Sheffield United has been put up for sale along with Vederson, Fabio Bilica and Santos. Coach Christoph Daum has said there [.

Video: Dean Ashton finds tanding on bouncy mounds with your eyes closed doesn’t always save your career

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All the best, Deano West Ham striker Dean Ashton has announced his retirement from football at the age of 26. OTP sends its best wishes to Dean - a very good striker who is popular with neutrals and opposition fans simply because he always comes across as a genuine nice guy. This video shows Dean battling his [.

Manchester City squad get into festive spirit (except Santa)

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A striker who knows how to steal the headlines? Manchester City's players got ready for Christmas by donning Santa hats to sing Jingle Bells for a festive video. Ironically, the only player who didn't bother to don St Nick's headwear was his namesake, Roque Santa Cruz.


Video: Mad Jens Lehmann takes a pee behind his goal

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Ageing German keeper can't control his bladder Stuttgart keeper Jens Lehmann added another chapter in his catalogue of bizarre behaviour by going to the toilet behind his goal while the ball was still in play. OTP is not convinced that was quite the type of exposure the advertisers were hoping for when they paid for that [.

Video: Standard Liege keeper Sinan Bolat scores to secure Europa League place

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Last-gasp goalie goal Standard Liege were heading out of Europe last night when goalkeeper Sinan Bolat went up for a free-kick. The goalie got his head to the ball and scored a crucial goal to ensure they snapped up the Europa League slot ahead of opponents AZ Alkmaar. His team-mates were understandably delighted and took the opportunity [.

Most of Germany’s World Cup hopefuls are already practicing with the official matchball

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Germans get World Cup advantage Fabio Capello is rumoured to be far from pleased after probable members of Germany's World Cup squad got their hands (and feet) on the official matchball last weekend. Several players in Germany's Bundesliga, where teams are allowed to choose who supplies their matchball, have already played with the Adidas Jabulani months [.

Nazareth gets a new saviour and his name is John Gregory

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Ex-Villa boss follows in footsteps of Son of God John Gregory has been appointed as the new manager of Maccabi Ahl Nazareth. The Israeli outfit gave the former Derby County and Aston Villa boss the chance to return to coaching after a prolonged absence. No word yet on whether he has planned an away trip to Bethlehem [.

Football Lookalikes: Man Utd’s Champions League semi-final midfield and Man Utd’s Champions League group stage defence

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Talk about midfielders who track back... When Manchester United brushed past Arsenal in the second-leg of last season's Champions League semi-final, their midfield contained the names Darren Fletcher, Michael Carrick and Ji-Sung Park. Fast-forward to this final game of this season's group stage and all three are playing in the United defence.

Video: Tony Pulis and James Beattie’s clear the air talks

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Warning: it's very NSFW on several fronts Headbutts, accusations of homosexuality and paedophilia, and a very foul-mouthed Tony Pulis. Now we know why James Beattie wants to leave Stoke.


Zinedine Zidane shows off the Adidas Predator X

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Man Utd forced to call-up the chief executive’s son

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Tea-lady's nephew next on Fergie's wanted list Manchester United have called the son of their chief executive into their first-team squad to combat their defensive injury crisis. David Gill's son, Oliver, is now in contention to play against Wolfsburg in this evening's Champions League match. Fergie said: "If he's good enough, he plays.

Revealed: The curse of Chelsea’s dark hooped away kit

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Blues apparently like their blue to be royal, not navy Chelsea's away kit is cursed judging by their results so far this season. The Blues have lost all four games they have played in their navy, dark blue and fluorescent yellow change strip, while they remain unbeaten in the home kit and white third strip.

Video: Republic of Ireland drawn in World Cup group I

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Charlize gets her wish This might have been the dream scenario for Irish viewers of the 2010 World Cup draw, but for everyone else it would have just prolonged the guff-fest even more.


Video: Jeff Stelling is a bit of a a pass-taker

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Another Soccer Saturday slip-up Jeff Stelling and the gang have a bit of a giggle at this reporter who can't quite decide whether Celtic striker Andreas Hinkel is not going to pass up a chance or not going to miss it. In the end he settles for something somewhere in between. We don't know what Paul Merson [.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 5-6 December

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1. Carlo Ancelotti's eyebrow doesn't like defeat. 2. It was very noble of Liverpool to ease Sam Allardyce back into work after his heart surgery by ensuring they didn't do anything to get his pulse racing. 3. Emmanuel Adebayor scored at both ends, and they were both about as scrappy as each other. 4.

Video: Tomasz Kuszczak’s ridiculous goal celebration

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The reason why Polish goalkeeper will not be competing for gymnastics gold in 2012 Manchester United keeper Tomasz Kuszczak very nearly let his side's fourth and final goal against West Ham on Saturday come and go with the understated celebration it deserved. But something made him decide to put on a bit of a show for [.

Video: Farsley Celtic goalkeeper Gary Sprake scores incredible own goal

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Just like that nasty bowling alley mishap Goalkeeping glove manufacturers are also boasting about the latest technology they have developed to ensure the ball grips to your hands. There is another side to this though, as Farsley Celtic keeper Gary Sprake knows only too well. When it came to parting with his beloved ball, he couldn't quite [.

Charlize Theron pulls Ireland out at the World Cup draw, FIFA suits start sweating

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Actress' Henry gag Oscar-winning actress Charlize Theron has got Sepp Blatter and co hot under the collar as she prepares to host the World Cup draw later today. She was taking part in a rehearsal mock draw yesterday and pulled an 'Ireland' ball out of the hat. Theron's long-term partner, actor Stuart Townsend, is Irish and had [.

Video: Paul Merson doesn’t think Manchester City should pay for penis

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Soccer Saturday pundit awards City a free-cock And there we were thinking they only fielded expensive ones.


Reasons why Chelsea fans wish Gael Kakuta was still suspended

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#1


Blackburn assistant Neil McDonald finds victory over Chelsea affects his ability to judge bad taste

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Rovers management team have heart-to-heart Blackburn assistant manager Neil McDonald's good taste deserted him after his side's shock Carling Cup victory over Chelsea. McDonald is in charge of first-team affairs while boss Sam Allardyce recovers from heart surgery. But the stand-in is worried he is developing cardiac problems of his own.

Revealed: Darron Gibson is Sir Alex Ferguson in disguise

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The Sun reveals secret Man Utd ploy The lid has finally been lifted on one of football's best kept secrets - Sir Alex Ferguson regular turns out for Manchester United in the guise of 'Darron Gibson'. Originally thought to be one of the club's brightest prospects for the future, the so-called Gibson is in fact the [.

South Africa plans to slaughter a cow in every World Cup stadium

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2010 World Cup begins to sound like an abattoir If OTP had built some shiny new World Cup stadia, the last thing we would want to do is splatter them with bovine blood. But who are we to decide what is best for South Africa 2010? It is possible that each stadium will be blessed [...]


The Sun v iPhone

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Sponsored post


Unveiled: The Adidas Jabulani World Cup matchball

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It's round Since every World Cup produces an accompanying matchball which is supposedly "rounder" than its predecessor, you could be forgiven for thinking that footballs are now about as round as they are likely to get. Not so, according to Adidas. They will officially unveil their Adidas Jabulani ball at Friday's World Cup draw and are sticking [.

Joe Cole fights for his right to lark about with fire extinguishers

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Tonight, he's a rock 'n' Cole star Chelsea star Joe Cole has been moaning that he is unable to enjoy fire extinguisher fights without worrying that it might tarnish his reputation. He told The Sun: "How come when footballers spray each other with fire extinguishers we're all overpaid ******s but when rock stars and journalists do it, [.