Off the Post Archives for January 2009

David Bentley urged to show his balls against Arsenal

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Harry Redknapp demands to see his player's numerous testicles Spurs manager Harry Redknapp has revealed that David Bentley has several balls and is now urging his player to flash them around the Emirates Stadium tomorrow. In his column in The Sun, Redknapp dictated: "There's no doubt Bentley has balls - plenty of 'em - and his performance [.

Video: Inter’s Mario Balotelli has to be dragged away from penalty area to let Samuel Eto’o take it

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Moody striker would like spot-kick responsibilty When Inter Milan's Mario Balotelli won a penalty five minutes into their match against Palermo last night, he obviously felt that was justification for him taking it. Samuel Eto'o disagreed, pulled rank and placed the ball on the spot. Balotelli continued to stand next to the ball demanding to take the [.

Video: Guti gives Alcorcon fans the finger

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Real Madrid midfielder doesn't like being called gay Real Madrid's embarrassing 4-0 defeat to lower league Alcorcon on Tuesday night was painful enough. But Guti had insult added to his injury. He was hauled off by under-fire coach Manuel Pellegrini at half-time, and upon taking his place in the dugout an Alcorcon supporter called him gay.

Top five Marlon King jokes

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Featuring two courtesy of the man himself 1. "I'm just out of your league. I'm a millionaire." Yes, the biggest joke of all is disgraced King's attempted chat-up line. 2. So Marlon King was jailed for failing to score at a club. Which one? Wigan, Hull, Middlesbrough? 3. Sky Sports News is reporting that a top footballer has [.

Marlon King jailed for sexual assault and sacked by Wigan

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Latics striker locked up Marlon King has been jailed for 18 months for sexually assaulting a woman in a London bar. The Wigan striker was found guilty of repeatedly groping a 20-year-old student and breaking her nose when she refused his advances. The father-of-three has now been sacked by the Premier League side.

Referee Chris Foy booked the wrong Da Silva twin

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A case of mistaken identity Sir Alex Ferguson has previously joked about swapping the shirts of the Da Silva twins, Fabio and Rafael, in order to trick officials. But his plans to confuse the identities of the Brazilian youngsters were pre-empted by referee Chris Foy, who booked the wrong twin during the Carling Cup tie at [.

Video: Republic of Ireland and Giovanni Trapattoni get their own play-off anthem from the Corrigan Brothers

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A song for South Africa (well, France at least) Sometime we lack skill / And sometimes we lack speed / Who needs Steven Ireland? / Bring back Andy Reid We have all heard of World Cup songs, but World Cup play-off songs might be a new one. Here's To Trapattoni has been written by the Corrigan Brothers [.

Video: Jan Molby’s legendary ‘missing’ goal is finally shown

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Great Danish striker aired at last For years it has been cited as the greatest football goal you have never seen. Now those of us who weren't at Anfield for Liverpool's 2-1 Milk Cup win over Manchester United in November 1985 can see it. The match took place during a TV blackout, which meant the public [.

Kids footy tricks

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Video: Barnsley fan scores against Manchester United

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Taking weakened Carling Cup sides to a new level Barnsley failed to score during their Carling Cup defeat to Manchester United, but the net did ripple in injury time when a fan took it upon himself to bag a goal for the Tykes. Presumably inspired by this Russian fan, a Barnsley supporter ran onto the pitch to [.

Peterborough fans take extra swine flu precautions at Blackburn

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Fans turn up wearing masks that don't feature Eric Cantona's face These Peterborough fans obviously worked out that the swine flu outbreak at Blackburn, plus the official warning that spitting is spreading the virus, and the fact that they could find themselves close to El-Hadji Diouf meant that they were at substantial risk of getting sick!

Video: Gary Neville’s red card against Barnsley

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Naughty Nev's behaving badly again Reprimanded for his celebrations in the Manchester derby, involved in row with police following last weekend's defeat to Liverpool, and now sent-off during the Carling Cup tie with Barnsley: Gary Neville's behaviour doesn't get better with age. The jury's still out for us.

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Why Sven-Goran Eriksson’s appointment of Hans Backe is hardly surprising

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Notts County's new manager is predictable Notts County have appointed Sven Goran Eriksson's former Manchester City assistant Hans Backe as their new manager. Ex-boss Ian McParland never really stood a chance in the post, and it was only a matter of time before Eriksson took over the managerial power.

Win a Wilkinson Sword Titanium Quatro razor to celebrate Movember

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Do your bit for charity by receiving a freebie! In case you didn't know, next month is Movember when blokes across the country are encouraged to grow a moustache to raise awareness of prostate cancer. The gang at Love The Mo put together a Moustache United comprising football's greatest moustaches. And they asked OTP to help find [.

John Terry and Bobby Zamora: ‘Fishing helps improve our game’

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You could have fooled us! England and Chelsea captain John Terry and Fulham's Bobby Zamora are best chums. Despite their clubs' rivalry, the pair are such good pals that they like nothing more than to escape the high life, and enjoy a spot of fishing together. Both players have revealed they use fishing to relax and help [.

Video: Jens Lehmann gets owned by a ballboy

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It's gone over his head Stuttgart keeper Jens Lehmann is desperate to get play re-started quickly as his side chase Hannover's 1-0 lead. That is why he greets the ballboy at the advertising hoardings like a slobbering Alsatian expectantly awaiting the arrival of the postman. But the little so-and-so has his own ideas about protecting Hannover's lead.

Middlesbrough save money on training kit

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GS is replaced by GS Middlesbrough chairman Steve Gibson has found an interesting way of cost-cutting at the Riverside Stadium. Recession-busting Boro will only appoint managers with the initials GS in future. Gordon Strachan can look forward to some oversized hand-me-downs from Gareth Southgate.


Video: Saudi giants Al-Hilal celebrate sponsorship deal by sending their players to kick a flaming ball about on a volcano

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Getting a telecom company on board could improve your team's flame resistance Saudi club Al-Hilal celebrated their new sponsorship deal with telecom company Mobily by holding a reality TV-meets-James Bond training camp atop a volcano. The team plays kickabout with some very hot footballs while dodging the various life-threatening hazards introduced by coach Eric Gerets (he is [.

Jozy Altidore to be fined for Twitter apology

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Hull striker's social networking habits hit him in the pocket Jozy Altidore has been told he will face a club fine after revealing that Hull manager Phil Brown had dropped him for Saturday's match against Portsmouth via Twitter. Altidore tweeted an apology confessing that he had turned up late for the game.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 24-25 October

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1. Liverpool might rely too heavily on Fernando Torres, but if you have to rely too heavily on anyone it might as well be him. 2. This season really is so open and unpredictable. Just when you thought Liverpool and Chelsea were out of form, and Manchester United and Arsenal were safe bets, it is suddenly [.

Paris St Germain quarantined with suspect swine flu

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French side locked up, stopped from playing matches The players and staff of Paris St Germain have been quarantined after three players complained they were suffering with symptoms of swine flu. Ludovic Giuly, Mamadou Sakho and Jeremy Clement have all been tested for the virus after complaining of fever, coughing and sore throats.

Video: Coach scores goal from his technical area, gets sent-off

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That's how you do it, lads! Dragan Stojkovic, coach of Japanese side Nagoya Grampus, showed his players that he could still walk the walk with a spectacular goal from his technical area. The ex-Yugoslavia international found the net with a beautiful strike. And he did it in formal shoes. The match officials were quite so impressed and [.

Hamburg fight the police for their right to celebrate victory over Celtic

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That's not how we celebrate in this country! Players and staff from Hamburg were involved in an angry confrontation after their win at Celtic last night when stewards attempted to cut short their celebrations. There is a bit of a chicken-and-egg debate about whether Hamburg were sitting down as part of a new German post-match [.

England World Cup bid shakes off WAG tag by giving luxury handbags as gifts

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Brown-nosing Jack Warner England's 2018 World Cup bid team is planning to give luxury handbags to the wives of all 24 members of Fifa's voting committee. And Fifa vice-president Jack Warner - the most vociferous supporter of bidding countries showing exactly how much they want the tournament via the medium of gifts for committee members - [.

FIFA starts MRI scanning wrists to catch over-age cheats

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At last, a way of proving Obafemi Martins is actually 47 years old! Players representing their country at the forthcoming Under-17 World Cup will have their wrists scanned to make sure they are not too old to compete. FIFA has introduced the MRI scans for the tournament, which begins on Saturday, to end accusations that some [.

Top five conclusions Champions League matches 21 October

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1. ITV should have broadcast the Real Madrid-AC Milan match. A mouthwatering contest that for once delivered. 2. Andrea Pirlo knows how to hit a football. 3. Fergie will be delighted to see Antonio Valencia developing a goalscoring streak. 4. Salomon Kalou grabbed two goals but also showed why he is not good enough for Chelsea.

Germany’s World Cup squad need armed guards and bullet-proof vests if they fancy a stroll

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Hold on to your Ballacks. Frings are getting dangerous The security team responsible for ensuring the safety of the Germany national team has warned that players will be expected to wear bullet-proof vests during next summer's World Cup. While the garments will probably not be compulsory on the pitch, the squad will be expected to wear [.

David Beckham purchases pumpkin

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Man with scruffy beard and tattoos prepares to entertain children Halloween festivities are kicking off very early in the Beckham household. Becks was photographed hugging a large pumpkin at a pumpkin patch in California, despite the fact that Halloween is still more than a week away. Perhaps his spectacular Gary Neville-themed pumpkin is going to take [.

Video: Dida’s goalkeeping howler to gift Raul a goal (Real Madrid v AC Milan)

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An almighty cock-up This menacing half-hearted chip from outside the box was so difficult to handle that Milan goalkeeper Dida fumbled it about three times. Having bounced the ball off both knees and scrambled around his penalty area after the ball, the Brazilian keeper is stranded as Raul taps the ball into the back of the [.

Ray Parlour reveals why Gareth Southgate should have known his time at Middlesbrough wouldn’t end well

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Ex-Boro boss should have sniffed out a lack of respect Former Middlesbrough player Ray Parlour recalls Gareth Southgate's uneasy transition from Boro player to Boro manager. At least he had some of the older heads in the squad on his side...


Ian Holloway misses Blackpool goal because he was taking a leak

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Lucky they scored two more for him to watch Blackpool boss Ian Holloway has revealed he missed the first goal of his side's 3-0 victory over Sheffield United because he had to nip to the toilet. The one-man quote machine blamed his ageing bladder and the large amounts of water he had consumed for missing Marcel [.

Cockfghts on tour!

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Rafa Benitez does his best to re-create Liverpool’s dramatic Champions League group stage escape of 2007/08

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Spaniard loves to cut it fine in Europe Rafa Benitez appears to be attempting to re-enact his side's incredible Champions League group stage qualification of the season before last. That year, Liverpool relied on big wins against Besiktas, Porto and Marseille in their last three games in order to qualify.

Competition: Win a copy of The Beckham Experiment by Grant Wahl

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Get your hands on a Becks book We are a bit late to the party on this one after a bit of a postal disaster, but you may recall that Grant Wahl's excellent book The Beckham Experiment created quite a stir when it was released, not least because of some of Landon Donovan's comments about his [...]


Rangers’ Maurice Edu suffers shambolic Champions League defeat, then racially abused by his own fans

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A bad night for US star Rangers midfielder Maurice Edu has revealed he was left hurt after being racially abused by supporters of his club. The USA international made the allegations via his Twitter account. He claimed he was subject to racist abuse while leaving Ibrox following the humiliating 1-4 defeat to Romanian champions Unirea Urziceni.

Video: Gazza headbutts a snooker club bouncer

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That's my cue to leave... Paul Gascoigne headbutted a bouncer who ticked him off for smoking in a snooker club. The former England star was caught on CCTV thrusting his head towards bounce Paul Hindle. A row had started after Gazza was caught sparking up in the toilets after being told he couldn't smoke in the [.

Fabio Capello throws metal food service lid in rage against texting Emile Heskey

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England boss reminds players of his rules via the medium of crashing metal covers Emile Heskey reportedly found himself in Fabio Capello's bad books in the build-up to England's qualifier in Ukraine after being caught texting under the dinner table. The Italian's rules dictate that no mobile phones should be brought to group meal times.

Leeds United have a laugh at Liverpool with beach ball stunt

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How beach balls can be used to help, not hinder Leeds keeper Shane Higgs showed Pepe Reina a thing or two about putting beach balls to good use when he blockaded most of his goal with inflatables ahead of last night's clash with Norwich. OTP suspects they have some very pleased sponsors this morning after this cheeky [.

A beginner’s guide to diving

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Learn to cheat like a pro Thanks to @DilenoFootball for bringing this to our attention. Contains a bit of visual and audio swearing after the 2mins 50secs mark, if you're at work. You have been warned!


Football Lookalikes: Rio Ferdinand and Joseph Goebbels

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A looka-Reich This slightly unexpected Nazi lookalike was courtesy of OTP reader Henry Graham. Hopefully his history homework didn't suffer too much as he was busy spotting lookalikes for us!


Hard Tackle: Patrice Evra’s special technique for helping Michael Owen settle in at Old Trafford

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United stars' team-bonding Thanks to MOTD commentator Steve Wilson.


Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 17-18 October

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1. OTP thought the most controversial 'outside agents' in the Premier League this weekend would be Harry Redknapp's security team. Little did we know... 2. Pepe Reina should probably have tried to save the match ball rather than the beach ball. 3. Unbeatable Chelsea suddenly look a bit wobbly. 4. Tweeting can defeat the Big Four!

GIF It: The Liverpool balloon thrower wasn’t a fan after all

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Gary Neville and his balloon hit Liverpool's title ambitions At last, the Liverpool balloon thrower is unmasked, and it doesn't look like he has quite the Scouse connection we first thought!


Buy your own Liverpool beach ball

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Turn your club's misfiring strikers into hotshot Darren Bents The humorous string in the already hilarious tail of the beach ball incident is that the ball is an official product sold by the club shop. The fan in question obviously decided the temperature was getting a bit too chilly for it to be of any practical [.

Video: Darren Bent scores against Liverpool with a little help from a beach ball

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Sunderland striker benefits from inflatable toy Sunderland took the lead against Liverpool thanks to this bizarre incident involving a beach ball. The big inflatable was apparently thrown onto the pitch by Scouse supporters, so they cannot have any complaints on that front. Darren Bent's shot deflected off the beach ball, which was on the edge of [.

Video: Nicolas Anelka tackles Martin O’Neill

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Nicolas Anelka: human bowling ball Chelsea striker Nicolas Anelka came up with a unique way to encourage opposition managers to stop prowling the technical area and sit down when he sent Aston Villa boss Martin O'Neill tumbling in today's early kick-off. Spotted on 101GG


Late Blackburn owner Jack Walker decked out in Burnley colours for derby day

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Rovers' statue given the Claret treatment A statue of former Blackburn Rovers owner Jack Walker has been decorated in a Burnley shirt and trimmings ahead of this weekend's Lancashire derby. Walker, who died in 2000, bankrolled Rovers' glory years of the mid-1990s. The Sun reports that the cheeky Burnley fans ventured into Ewood Park at 7am [.

Honduran radio commentators quite pleased at qualifying for World Cup

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The untold pain a late US goal caused to Honduran larynges These radio presenters were resigned to Honduras failing to qualify for the World Cup with Costa Rica still beating USA. An American goal five minutes into injury time changed all that. The duo embark on an entertaining riff on the word 'gol' before one of [.

Why Manchester United are going to have the most exhausted attackers in the Premier League?

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Sleepless strikers Dimitar Berbatov is expected to miss Manchester United's clash with Bolton tomorrow following the birth of his first child. But this mild disruption to Sir Alex Ferguson's plans could be a sign of things to come. United are already without the injured Wayne Rooney for the match, and Wazza himself is due to become a [.

Wilson Palacios will miss Spurs’ match at Portsmouth because he is under government orders to PARTAAAY!

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Mr Palacios, a message for you from the Ministry of Fun Tottenham will face Portsmouth without midfielder Wilson Palacios this weekend because he has stayed in his native Honduras to party. We know that Latin American footballer returning late from international duty after bender is like so totally a cliché, but this story has a twist.

Video: New Birmingham owner Carson Yeung threatens to sack Alex McLeish in first press conference

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Lost in translation Carson Yeung has finally taken control of Birmingham City after a protracted takeover. And on this evidence it is pretty easy to see why negotiations went quite slowly. The Hong Kong billionaire inadvertently said that manager Alex McLeish's position was not safe at the moment.


Sir Alex Ferguson’s creepy love letter to Standard Liege’s Steven Defour

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Fergie releases his inner stalker Sir Alex Ferguson is said to be embarrassed after a private letter he sent to Standard Liege's Steven Defour via his club was leaked. The Manchester United boss had clearly decided to roll out the Ruud Van Nistelrooy Method, whereby he cuddles up to injured players to put himself in the [.

Ryan Babel’s evil plan to get into the Liverpool starting line-up

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Mission: Impossible 4 - Rafa Benitez's office This is so good that even the butt of the joke loved it and re-tweeted it!


The real reason for David Beckham’s beard

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Brand Beckham to cash in on the Christmas market? Maybe not. Stranger things have happened though. In case you are interested in the real real reason, here it is from the horse's mouth: "I'm going to keep it for a while. I went camping with the kids in America and got a bit carried away. But no, [..

Like rugby? Watch this

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Don't like rugby? Watch it anyway!


Rafael Benitez keeps a very close eye on Liverpool sale talks

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Well, you need to know who is going to be your new boss Rafa didn't need his glasses for this one, just a pair of crafty eye holes!


Falkirk mascot’s head stolen

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Fergus Fox's bonce is missing SPL bottom side Falkirk have suffered a further blow after it emerged that the head of their mascot has been stolen. The furry head of Fergus Fox - valued at about £1,000 - was stolen from the club's Westfield Stadium in August, but the crime has only recently been reported to [.

Diego Maradona’s Argentina qualify for World Cup with late winner against Uruguay

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And apparently Diego feels vindicated by this narrow escape Diego Maradona again enjoyed some jubilant celebrations after another late winner from his Argentina side. Mario Bolatti's scruffy goal five minutes from time ensured Argentina qualified for next year's World Cup. Despite their uneasy qualifying campaign and the uncertain performance in beating Uruguay last night, Maradona decided to [.

Top five conclusions England 3-0 Belarus

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1. Peter Crouch's gangly legs are not supposed to be involved in six-yard tap-ins. They were made for bicycle kicks. 2. David Beckham has brown hair, a ginger moustache and a black beard. What is that all about? 3. Twin, dwarf, right-footed wingers is probably not a viable tactical option against decent opposition.

Fabio Capello’s bitchy remark to David Beckham (and Barack Obama)

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England coach doesn't think Becks was man of the match Fabio Capello took a slight dig at David Beckham after his bearded substitute received the man of the match award against Belarus. The Italian compared ITV pundit and Sunderland manager Steve Bruce's decision to give the award to Beckham to Barack Obama receiving the Nobel peace [.

The changing face of Brand Beckham: From Gillette boy to beardy weirdy

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The increasingly hairy face of David Beckham "All men are not equal, Neither are their razors," claims this Gillette advert. Evidently. Most men's razors are far more effective than David Beckham's is at present!


Cristiano Ronaldo fancies himself as a military general

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Crocked Real Madrid star's pompous message of support to Portugal squad We know that arrogance isn't usually a trait you would associate with Cristiano Ronaldo but it seems his big head has got the better of him on this occasion. The self-appointed king/saviour/general of the Portuguese people/national team has felt the need to release a statement [.

Czech newspaper offers San Marino cash prize for beating Slovenia

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Tabloid offers pretty low reward for pretty impossible task The Czech Republic recognises that its chances of qualifying for the World Cup are pretty bleak. They need to beat Northern Ireland tonight and hope that minnows San Marino can beat Slovenia to allow them to sneak into a play-off spot. Czech newspaper Blesk is offering San [.

Sven Goran Eriksson decides he doesn’t need another job with mysterious wealthy bosses and low paid workforce

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Svennis set to turn down North Korea role Notts County director of football Sven Goran Eriksson is reportedly set to reject an offer to coach North Korea at next summer's World Cup. The communist state wanted Eriksson to take the role on a temporary basis for the duration of the tournament. A 'close friend' of Eriksson's said: [.

Perhaps it’s just as well Robert Green is suspended for tonight’s match against Belarus

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An ulterior motive for England keeper's red card? Last time Robert Green faced Belarus it put paid to his World Cup dream. The England goalkeeper handed the opposition a goal when he injured himself taking a goal-kick. The injury ruled him out of the 2006 World Cup, so maybe he is better out of harm's way [.

Rafa Benitez gets away with referee glasses gag after using Neil Warnock as his defence

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This photo of Crystal Palace boss saves Rafa Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez escaped an FA disciplinary hearing with just a warning about his future conduct after successfully presenting a picture of Crystal Palace manager Neil Warnock as his defence. Benitez looked to be in hot water for reaching into his pocket and pulling out his glasses after [.

El-Hadji Diouf escapes parking fine in his ridiculous ‘car’

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Blackburn star parks his truck where he likes El-Hadji Diouf enjoyed his lunch at a Manchester restaurant and also took advantage of convenient parking facilities by ditching his gold-plated gas guzzler in a loading only bay. But the Blackburn forward avoid a parking ticket (presumably because the vehicle is so inconspicuous that the traffic wardens missed [.

Jimmy Bullard’s injury cure from dead man‏

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"I... knee... dead people." Jimmy Bullard's left knee is made up of bits of a dead man, it has been revealed. The Hull City player had the ligament of a deceased male placed in his knee to aid his recovery from injury. Thanks to famed surgeon Dr Richard Steadman the Tigers midfielder is edging ever closer [.

Prank phone call to find a suitable hotel for England’s World Cup squad

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Who is able to provide the Neville brothers with the bunk beds they long for? Channel Bee has been wading through TripAdvisor to find the best possible World Cup bases for England. But which South African hoteliers are willing to go furthest to accommodate the squad?


John Barnes set to reprise his World In Motion rap

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Digger ready to hold and give but do it at the right time Former Tranmere boss John Barnes has already had offers of employment flying in. But unsurprisingly they don't involve him managing a football team. Instead, the ex-Liverpool and England man is preparing to re-record his famous rap for a revamped version of World In Motion [.

Swindon’s Kevin Amankwaah apologises for ‘cancer’ insult to Millwall’s Neil Harris

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A low blow Swindon Town defender Kevin Amankwaah has apologised to Millwall striker Neil Harris over a jibe about his battle with cancer. The 27-year-old initially denied accusations that he had brought up cancer during an on-pitch slanging match with Harris, but has now issue an apology. He said: "While I feel I was the subject of some [.

Top five things we learnt from the international weekend

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1. Even great defenders can forget how to defend Rio Ferdinand picked up from his shocker in the Manchester derby last month with another somewhat dubious display of decision-making as Robert Green became England's first dismissal of the Capello era. However, the game presented a perfect ‘can do no wrong' opportunity for the English: win [.

Video: Mexico v El Salvador held up by a swarm of bees

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Bees! Quick, call the fire brigade! The World Cup qualifier between Mexico and El Salvador was held up for ten minutes after a swarm of bees decided to make their home in the stadium. The pesky swarm decided El Salvador keeper Miguel Montes' net was the perfect vantage point to watch the game. Montes disagreed.

Video: Diego Maradona celebrates victory over Peru with a Klinsmann dive!

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Under-fire coach quite pleased with last-minute winner Argentina coach Diego Maradona knows his position is under-threat after a woeful qualifying campaign. So when you see his highlights from Saturday's match against Peru, you can tell he is a man under pressure (except for in the hair department, where he is brilliant Just For Men jet black).

Manchester City want to sign Yaya Toure and Carlos Toure… Who?

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Citeh want to collect all the Toure brothers? The Sunday Mirror reckons Barcelona are willing to let Yaya and his arguably more talented brother Carlos move to Manchester City to link up with big bro Kolo. Spotted on 101GG


Fabio Capello resorts to desperate measures to improve Rio Ferdinand’s concentration

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Will a rocket up his arse help matters? We are not convinced that even Don Fabio's disciplinary measures will have any impacy. Rio barely seems to have noticed.


Video: Sergiy Nazarenko gives Ukraine the lead against England

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With a little help from Ashley Cole's head This is the bit where you're glad qualification is already assured! Although not shown on the video, this Ukraine attack started with Cole needlessly giving away possession. So he started and ended the move... Video via 101GG


Video: Robert Green’s red card for England v Ukraine and Andriy Shevchenko’s penalty miss

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West Ham keeper sent-off for England Poor old Rob Green was sent-off 14 minutes into England's World Cup qualifier in Ukraine after being played into trouble by Rio Ferdinand (too casual yet again). Fortunately for England, Andriy Shevchenko missed the subsequent spot-kick after David James had come on to replace Aaron Lennon.

Video: Kieran Gibbs scores for both teams in England U21 v Macedonia U21

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Another Arsenal left-back who swings both ways England under-21s beat Macedonia 6-3 last night despite Kieran Gibbs' best efforts to ensure the game ended in a draw. The Arsenal youngster put England in the driving seat by nodding in team-mate Theo Walcott's cross (video above). But he saved his best goal for Macedonia as he lashed in [.

Vote: Are you going to pay to watch the Ukraine v England match?

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Will you have Three Lions on your laptop? So, it is the day before the match. If OTP has understood the terms and conditions correctly, you have now missed your chance to purchase the pay-per-view match at the discounted rate. If you are still planning to purchase the game please do it through this link and [.

Arsenal stars have Nerf gun battle

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Gunners by name, gunners by nature Arsenal's players have come up with a new training technique that might be a little too revolutionary even by Arsene Wenger's standards: Nerf gunfights! Manuel Almunia, Abou Diaby, Kieran Gibbs and Emmanuel Eboue, please grow-up. Jack Wilshere, you can carry on as you are because you are still in the target [.

Mean Crystal Palace players called Roman Bednar a drug dealer

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West Brom striker, erm, grasses up Eagles Roman Bednar has been having a bit of a moan about cruel-hearted Crystal Palace players who allegedly called him a drug dealer during their recent match against West Brom. The Czech striker is just returning from a three-month suspension after being caught buying cocaine and cannabis by the News of [.

Fabio Cannavaro’s wasp sting and five other great doping excuses

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Erm, the thing was... what happened... was...erm... 1. Wasps The news broke yesterday evening that Juventus captain Fabio Cannavaro had tested positive for the banned substance cortisone. The club immediately defended themselves and their player, claiming that he had been injected after being stung by a wasp.

Mascots Fred the Red, Stamford the Lion and Monty Magpie kidnapped

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Footie mascots held captive by Special Olympians Manchester United mascot Fred the Red's belly has got him into all sorts of trouble. When his chippy order is snatched, the daredevil chases after his assailant. Unfortunately, for Fred he ends up bundled into the back of a white van and kidnapped. You can see the ransom video [.

OTP’s wishes for the Paul Pogba transfer

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Please, please let it come true Ever since we heard that Manchester United were in the hunt for a youngster with the excellent name Paul Pogba we have had this thought in the back of our minds. Now that United have the go ahead to sign him we have really got our fingers crossed... please let [...]


Phil Brown is ‘childish’ and ‘pathetic’

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So says Caleb Folan Hull boss Phil Brown has been labelled 'childish' by striker Caleb Folan. The Republic of Ireland international has spoken out over comments made by Brown before Folan was loaned to Middlesbrough. The Tigers' manager questioned Folan's attitude and ability to play in the Premier League.

America, where football players have to get naked to get noticed

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DC United get their kit off We can't really imagine this getting past too many Premier League PR teams, but in the cut-throat world of American sportainment footballers will quite literally jump at the chance to bare all for ESPN magazine. In a quote that sound like it has come straight from his last therapy session, Ben [.

OTP’s advertisers cruelly mock Portsmouth

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When sponsors misbehave [Click image to enlarge] It seems our advertisers have been having fun and games with our story about Jamie O'Hara offering to give loans to his cash-strapped team-mates. They served up a Debt Problems advert underneath! Thanks to Matty for spotting this.


Jamie O’Hara: Premier League loan shark

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Harry Redknapp instils his values even in players he loans out Enterprising Portsmouth midfielder Jamie O'Hara has had fewer worries than most of his team-mates in recent days. The loanee's pay packet is still the responsibility of Tottenham, so O'Hara was unaffected by the delay in Pompey's wages being paid.

Darren Bent reveals secret crush on Katy Perry

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But she shouldn't expect a slap up dinner Twitter fiend Darren Bent is going to give Russell Brand a run for his money. The Sunderland striker revealed he has a secret crush on singer Katy Perry. It becomes clear that his affection for first-love Ian Wright has waned a little over the years. We were left a [.

FIFA vice-president wants sin-bins introduced for World Cup

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He just doesn't know that his idea already has a name Controversial FIFA vice-president Jack Warner - most famous for being called a 'clown' by Roy Keane - says players who feign injury should be made to go to a sin-bin for five or 10 minutes. Well, he doesn't actually say that because we suspect he [.

Didier Drogba nicknamed Marshal Tito by his mum!

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Ivorian striker given Yugoslav nickname Chelsea star Didier Drogba's mum has revealed she nicknamed him Tito as a child after Yugoslavia's communist leader Marshall Tito. The Ivory Coast international was given the name in the hope he would take on some of Tito's determination. Mum Clotilde said: "When I was pregnant with Didier there was this [.

Hooligan behaviour when sober

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Gareth Barry’s homecoming welcome at Aston Villa

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Judas returns Last night's Premier League clash between Villa and Manchester City saw the return to Birmingham of Gareth Barry. Despite many that branded him a money grabbing, good for nothing [insert an expletive of your choice], it seems most were happy to have him back. They welcomed him with open arms and some were even offering [.

How I accidentally fell for Craig Bellamy’s, erm… charms

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I don't hate the whinging Welshman! Watching Aston Villa's draw with Manchester City last night provoked a bit of reaction. Along with many football followers, I've kept one eye on City this season. Given all of the money invested and players that have come in, big things and big performances are expected.

Football Lookalikes: Mark Hughes and Sir Roger Moore

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For your eyebrows only The name's Hughes. Mark Hughes. Licence to perform public impersonations of Roger Moore.


Everton’s Jose Baxter arrested on suspicion of dealing cannabis

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Teenage striker bailed by police Everton youngster Jose Baxter has been arrested and bailed after being found in possession of cannabis and fake cash. The 17-year-old was arrested along with two other men, aged 29 and 34, in the Kirkby area yesterday. A spokesman for Merseyside Police said: "Three men have been arrested in Kirkby on suspicion of [.

Bulgarian game abandoned after four minutes

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Barely time to break into a sweat A match in the Bulgarian third division was scrapped after just four minutes when a team ran out of players. Injury and suspension-hit Gigant Belene started their clash against Chavdar Byala Slatina on Sunday with just eight players. If they already faced an uphill battle, their task got a lot [.

Meet Jimmy Rooney

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The name's not Wayne Wayne Rooney has revealed that his actually known as Jimmy to his close family and friends. The Manchester United and England star has revealed he has been known by the nickname since his childhood after adopting Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink's cartwheel goal celebration. He told The Sun: "When I'm back home with my family [.

Video: Martin Palermo’s 40-yard header

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Do too many of these and you'll look like Craig Bellamy Boca Juniors striker Martin Palermo scored what must be one of, if not the longest-range headed goal of all time. Can you think of any other candidates?


Net loss: England fans victims of internet only coverage

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Punters shouldn't have to pick up Setanta's tab... again As the fallout from the Setanta shambles continues, news agencies are this morning reporting that England's World Cup qualifier in Ukraine next Saturday will not be available live on any television channel. In a surprising turn of events, it will be available only online on a pay-per-view [.

Video: Spot the Liverpool fans with Chelsea tickets

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Either that or these Blues have got their emotions in check It looks like this pair, spotted by MOTD's 2Good 2Bad, were desperate to watch their beloved Liverpool yesterday, even if they did have to sit with the Chelsea fans. Their plans to blend seamlessly into the Blues' support came unstuck as everyone around them celebrated [.

Alex Ferguson: Ref Alan Wiley is not fit for the job

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Fergie calls referee's stamina into question Despite Manchester United being thrown yet another injury time lifeline, it seems Sir Alex Ferguson is still not happy. An added 4mins 32secs was not enough in Fergie's opinion and he has hit out at referee Alan Wiley for not allowing enough extra time at the end of his team's 2-2 [.

Top 10 conclusions Premier League weekend 3-4 October

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1. Manchester United really don't help Sir Alex Ferguson's case with these injury time goals. Another get of of jail card in time added on, this time to grab a draw against Sunderland. 2. Rafa Benitez hasn't got the injury time touch yet. He moaned about the lack of stoppage time to the fourth official only [.

Did Yossi Benayoun try to fix the game against Chelsea?

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Bizarre attempted own goal from the Israeli? Surprisingly, Yossi Benayoun's length of the pitch own goal attempt didn't pay off. Thanks to the Beeb's Jonathan Stevenson for that!


Video: Roy Keane gives journalist the death stare

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Commiserations to whoever washed this guy's pants afterwards This reporter knew he had to ask. He didn't want to ask and he knew it probably wouldn't be pretty, but he had to ask. Fortunately, Ipswich boss Roy Keane hasn't quite perfected his death by staring technique yet. Looks like he is getting pretty damn close though.

Harry Redknapp rubbishes rumours he’s about to quit Spurs

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'Arry ain't quitting Harry Redknapp has strenuously denied he is about to quit as manager of Spurs. Rumours spread that Redknapp was going to leave White Hart Lane after bookmakers slashed odds on him being the next Premier League manager to leave his job. But Redknapp says he has not been rearrested as part of a corruption [.

Video: Frank Lampard takes on John Terry in the Chelsea corner challenge

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Guess who's the best set-piece taker in the Chelsea squad? In a crucial piece of pre-match preparation ahead of their Champions League tie with APOEL Nicosia this week, Chelsea duo John Terry and Frank Lampard battled it out to see who could score directly from corners. JT takes his corners first, with Lamps following him.

Harry Redknapp hotly tipped to leave Spurs very shortly

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Bookies slash odds on 'Arry to quit Harry Redknapp's odds for being the next Premier League manager to leave his post have been slashed by bookmakers after punters heavily backed the Spurs boss to jump or be pushed. The odds have been cut from 50/1 last night to 2/1 this lunchtime, causing Redknapp to overtake Portsmouth's [.

Kevin Keegan wins £2 million compensation from Newcastle

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Case confirms obvious: Magpies shouldn't have signed Ignacio Gonzalez Newcastle have been ordered to pay former manager Kevin Keegan £2 million compensation after he won his constructive dismissal case. The court has backed up Kevin Keegan's assertion that the club signed Ignacio Gonzalez behind his back, which breached the terms of his contract.

Update on Phil Brown suicide rescue, courtesy of Jozy Altidore

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Hull striker was tweeting during the excitement Following Phil Brown's heroic tales of talking a woman out of jumping from the Humber Bridge, the fine folks at Twofootedtackle alerted us to this tweet from Jozy Altidore. The message confirms that the Tigers were on the bridge on Wednesday morning but while Altidore found the time to comment [.

Non-league side victims of penis pitch prank

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Creative use of a line-painter Every Sunday league football team has had the occasional unpleasant surprise to contend with before kick off - it's something that you come to expect. Usually it's because some unforgiving dog owner forgot to bring out a poo bag, or because the remains of a passionate fumble on the penalty spot [.

Datasnatchers

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Gillingham boss Mark Stimson offers referees some fashion advice

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Say no to "pinky" shirts Referees have only themselves to blame for the abuse they receive if they insist on wearing pink shirts, according to Gillingham manager Mark Stimon. The Gills boss reckons match officials' flamboyant wardrobes are undermining the Respect campaign. He said: "It's a crazy decision to put a referee in a pinky shirt.

Phil Brown claims he talked woman out of suicide jump on Humber Bridge

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Hull boss puts his massage career on hold to turn superhero, allegedly Hull boss Phil Brown claims he and his team managed to talk a suicidal woman out of jumping off the Humber Bridge this week. The Tigers had been taken by master tactician Brown for an inspirational walk along the popular suicide spot.

Stop Brazilian footballers masquerading as famous French players!

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The biggest threat to football's credibility in modern times Following Michele Platini's goal against Fulham last month, OTP can now lift the lid on another Brazilian player pretending to be a French superstar. Meet Makelele - or Leandro dos Santos de Jesus to his parents - of Brazilian outfit Coritiba.

Tango-tastic viral

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Michael Owen injured once again - a history in dodgy groins

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Are you feeling groiny? Little Mickey is During last night's match, OTP light-heartedly tweeted that Michael Owen's groin problems were not mentioned in the brochure. It is our, erm, sad duty to inform you this morning that they actually were. We apologise for this drop in the high journalistic standards you expect from OTP.

A possible explanation for Emmanuel Adebayor’s behaviour

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Meet the Lightning Strika' We are pretty sure this can't be good for anyone's state of mind. As part of Adidas' new comic book-style campaign, which features a cartoon Zinedine Zidane clocking up the airmiles as he searches for his dream team of three-stripe-clad superheroes. Emmanuel Adebayor is the Lighting Strika'.