Welcome to The Daft Punt, our new fortnightly betting column. Thomas Rooney, a professional sports
writer who blogs about football betting, will give you a run-down of the flutters the
straight-laced betting sites didn't tell you about. It's a bit of fun, but it doesn't mean you
can't make some money out of it!
Wantaway Frenchman vows not to play for Kinnear again Charles N'Zogbia has said he will go on
strike until he is sold after Newcastle manager Joe Kinnear referred to him as "Insomnia"
during a post-match interview with Sky Sports. While being interviewed by Alan Parry, Kinnear said:
"Shay [Given] pulled out with a knee injury as [.
Why go on loan when you can own? AC Milan could be about to lose their new hero... to Leyton
Orient. David Beckham's most trusted adviser is in talks about a possible takeover of the
struggling League One outfit, according to the club's current owner. Barry Hearn has said
discussions have taken place with Beckham's agent [.
Newcastle strike might be on long-term industrial action In the wake of Charles N'Zogbia's strike,
we felt inclined to re-examine a famous Newcastle anecdote from circa 2002 to investigate whether
Shola Ameobi is in fact on strike too. Here we go: "When Shola Ameobi first turned up for
England under-21 duty Peter Taylor asked him if he [.
The handcuff celebration that's got everyone guessing The possible meanings: 1. WWE wrestling
Source: The Guardian They say: 'The first part of the routine saw Kalou wave his hand in front of
his face a few times, mimicking the gesture that [wrestler John] Cena carries out before he
executes his finishing move inside the ring.
Newcastle fans want him to go Charles 'Flying Picket' Insomnia has unsurprisingly had some
amendments made to his Wikipedia page in the wake of the news that he is going on strike. Off The
Post reader Dominic Huxley has alerted us to the changes shown in the image above. The page reads:
"Many Newcastle fans will be [.
More football-themed Wikipedia fun Egged on by those naughty boys at the back of the class from The
Fiver, an internet scally has used Wikipedia to strike the fear of God into Matt Derbyshire. If the
Olympiacos-bound striker chooses to do a bit of internet research on his new club, he will find
that the Rivalries [.
Wenger resorts to underhand tactics to kick-start Gunners' season Arsene Wenger has long been
lauded as a great innovator within the English game (most loudly by himself, but he has been lauded
nonetheless), but his plan to use a 4-5-2 formation against West Ham at the weekend could be a
progression too far.
Interactive transfer deal Ebbsfleet United have completed the signing of Brentford's Darius Charles
after a vote by members of the MyFootballClub website, which owns the club. The members, who each
paid £35 to be vote on major decisions at club, decided to go ahead with the £25,000
purchase of Charles.
Ridiculous retaliation red card When PAOK's Sergio Conceicao went to take a corner against Aris he
found himself pelted with a barrage of missiles. The Portuguese took a token sample of the debris
and threw it at the perspex screen guarding the Aris faithful. For this heinous crime he was
sent-off. And then all hell broke [.
Rover and out to Greece Blackburn Rovers bench-warmer Matt Derbyshire can look forward to being
pelted with missiles very soon as he plots a move to the Greek Super League. The 22-year-old has
apparently arrived in Greece to complete a six-month loan move to Olympiacos. This strikes me of
one of the weirder deals we have [.
1. Liverpool - this is January: the time of year when genuine title contenders go on a nice little
run to blow the opposition away. Three successive draws against Stoke, Everton and now Wigan ain't
going to help matters. 2. They should stop the slump by selling Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres,
and replacing them with [.
It works on so many levels It looks like Rotating Rafa is determined to reinvent himself as Ranting
Rafa after yet another outburst. This time facts were off the agenda and the Liverpool boss wanted
to talk about craziness. The Spaniard was left with crazy on the brain after Mido's late penalty
gave Wigan a draw last [.
A happy substitute Who said all footballers are distraught at not being in the starting line-up?
Jimmy Bullard looks quite at ease with life on the bench during last night's clash between Hull and
West Ham as he gives the thumbs-up to a photographer.
The Holy Goalie chips his pen into top corner! Last night's CIS Insurance Cup semi-final between
Celtic and Dundee United reached a dramatic conclusion in front of a packed Hampden Park (snigger)
with the Bhoys sneaking through with an 11-10 victory on penalties. Both keepers were called into
action from the penalty spot.
Pure class Before the Spurs cavalry arrives telling me this is not proper news/haven't I got
anything better to do with my time/get a job, this is: a) the work of a Spurs fan b) hilariously
accurate [Click it to enlarge]
Two-in-two for Becks David Beckham is taking to life in Serie A like a Pato to water. He scored his
second goal in as many games with an outstanding free-kick from an acute angle against Genoa. He,
and his new team-mates were understandably delighted with the strike. Watching from the stands in
his native Italy was one [.
A team of players who know what it's like to be in Robinho's Nike Mercurial Vapors 1. Graham Stack
The then Arsenal keeper was cleared of rape and sexual assault in 2005 when he was accused by a
student who came back to his flat after meeting in a West End nightclub. 2. Frank Sinclair One of
Leicester City's [.
Spanish side's on-pitch protest Players at Spanish Third Division outfit Granada are not too
pleased at the lack of wages they have received recently. The squad has not been paid for four
months and before their weekend clash with Melilla, decided enough was enough. The players wore
t-shirt's with the slogan: "Paco Sanz [club president] - we [.
Team-mate quickly alleviates any thoughts of consolation Not much was going Stuttgart's way against
Bayern Munich last night. Trailing the Bundesliga champions 0-5, Mario Gomez finally got Stuttgart
on the scoresheet. His understandably muted celebrations are brought to a halt when team-mate
Martin Lanig decides a slap to the the testicles is an appropriate congratulatory gesture.
How not to slide on your knees This is one I missed during the Christmas festivities. Thankfully,
the humour is not diluted by time. Robbie Simpson scores a goal against Sheffield Wednesday and
decides to slide towards the fans in celebration. Next time he will probably check that the
groundsman has watered the Ricoh Arena pitch [.
AWOL Brazilian talks to police on return to UK Manchester City star Robinho has been arrested by
police investigating an alleged rape at a Leeds nightclub. Quite humorously, police had originally
intended to interview the Brazil international away from prying eyes at City's Tenerife training
ground, which we all know he disappeared from.
Man City's new signing spots possible commercial venture Craig Bellamy has joked that he will never
leave his past misdemeanours behind by suggesting he could write a book called Don't Google Me. The
Manchester City striker said: "I don't think I'll ever get away from that [my reputation]. If
you tried Googling me, you know I [.
West Brom keeper gives Man Utd a helping hand Scott Carson's relatively short career is becoming
some what regularly punctuated with horrendous blunders. Just like this one against Manchester
United this evening. Carson put United's second on a plate for Carlos Tevez when he dropped the
ball from a cross.
Football's answer to twitchers This new advert to promote Adidas' boot range collides the worlds of
football and birdwatching to create... bootspotting. A pair of intrepid enthusiasts sneak into the
undergrowth of Chelsea's Cobham training ground to see what fancy footwear they can spot through
Don't hold team celebration on touchline until you're sure goal has been given A Sicilian league
match between Mazara and Villabate was reduced to farce when Villabate scored a goal while Mazara
were still celebrating a disallowed effort at the other end. Mazara's volleyed goal looked to a
legitimate, but was for some reason chalked off.
Oh no! He's done a Schteeve! David Beckham's lawyers are reportedly working behind-the-scenes to
find a get-out clause in his LA Galaxy contract so that he can return to the East End and open a
pizzeria as soon as possible. The ex-England skipper celebrated his first goal for AC Milan by
conducting post-match interviews in a [.
Little devil leaves Red Devils boss red-faced The Mirror is reporting that Manchester United boss
Sir Alex Ferguson didn't know where to look during a visit to a school with Foreign Secretary David
Miliband after "one scallywag handed embarrassed Fergie a mobile phone displaying an animation
of his rival Rafa Benitez in a rather compromising position".
French newspaper makes monumental coq up French newspaper L'Equipe has left itself open to both
ridicule and lawsuits after incorrectly reporting in its LES BAD BOYS DU FOOT ANGLAIS that Robbie
Fowler was found in possession of £120,000 of cocaine. Apparently, Fowler was arrested for the
offence in March 2008.
Blue-haired player sees red over being benched A non-league footballer walked out on his club an
hour before his first match after hearing he had been named on the bench. Do Are Ya? candidate Jon
Gardner [acked up his belongings and left the changing room as the Didcot Town's teamsheet was
being handed in after discovering [.
And the winner is... Thanks to everyone who entered our competition to win the Objectivo Apparel
t-shirts above courtesy of Soccer Pro. The Kaka competition was won by Daniel McDermott, of
Northern Ireland, and the Barca competition was won by Joel Tay, of Cambridge. Congratulations
Daniel and Jay. Commiserations and better luck next everyone else.
But not that one Portsmouth fans may have long dreamed of seeing Pele in a Pompey kit, and that
dream has now come true. The south coast club has secured the signing of the famous Brazilian's
Portuguese namesake on-loan from Sporting Lisbon.
Villa's five-man attack? Fabio Capello is among the most important of a host of people to note that
Martin O'Neill has collected at Aston Villa a three-pronged attack which could serve England well
for the next decade. Gabriel Agbonlahor, Ashley Young and James Milner have (when they weren't busy
accidentally scaring each other) been on fire [.
1. Manchester United Reserves are slightly better than Tottenham Reserves. 2. Liverpool and Everton
are pretty evenly matched at the minute. 3. Everton fans are probably wishing Steven Gerrard has
been remanded in custody. That way they would have an extra three Premier League points and already
be through to the fifth round of the Cup.
Gabi gets spooked It is difficult to tell whether Ashley Young's pre-match motivational shoulder
rub on team-mate Gabriel Agbonlahor helped him prepare for the match or left him wondering if he
was going mad. Watch and all will become clear.
Inter Milan boss wants to go to court Jose Mourinho has again been playing hardball with the
Italian press this week. The Special One has vowed to take an Italian journalist to court after he
was quoted as telling his Inter Milan side that they had "only won the first Scudetto through
the courts, the second [.
German star joins football's bird bullies Following in the footsteps of Gaston Aguirre and Lucas
Neill, Michael Ballack is the latest football to take out his on-pitch frustrations on a feathered
friend. Ballack was caught on camera striking a pigeon during Chelsea's warm-up before the FA Cup
tie with Ipswich Town.
Goldenballs breaks Serie A duck David Beckham scored his first goal for AC Milan in their thumping
1-4 win against Bologna, and didn't he look pleased? He still should have shot across the keeper
though! Video spotted on 101GreatGoals
England call-up earns Jim a big money move to... Hull I really rate Jimmy Bullard. He is not the
most gifted player on the planet, but he is talented, hard-working, honest, and always come across
as a nice bloke. What I don't really understand is his transfer moves. When he originally moved to
Fulham, I (and [.
Because he's worth it - he ought to be worth more than this In the age of Brand Beckham, agents,
and carefully regimented PR from clubs, it is quite heartening to watch Fernando Torres
embarrassing himself to help out his mate's hairdressing business. Hopefully the campaign will
improve Gessbra's turnover because it ain't doing much for [.
Hmm, they could be twins Dr Sulaiman al-Fahim, who led the takeover of Manchester City, has
expressed an interest in leading a consortium to take over Chelsea. He said: "It would not be
cheap... but through a number of investors, there is money available to put together a deal."
Given the limited success of importing washed [.
He's not sulky - he's just expressing himself Manchester United striker Dimitar Berbatov is
indirectly interviewed by a bunch of kids (an unusually high proportion of which only have one
front tooth) in this video. The inquisitive minds get facts out of Dimi that we journos could never
hope to. For instance, did you know he [.
Rock, paper, scissors No need for football. No need for away goals, extra time, goals named after
any precious metal, or penalties. The Champions League could be settled with a simple game of rock,
paper, scissors. Pep Guardiola, Rafa Benitez and Juande Ramos have the right idea. Rock spotted on
The Beautiful Game
Big name signing for Blue Square South outfit Cruelly jumping out of the Beeb's football page to
fans of lowly Eastleigh will be the headline: "Spitfires bring in Carew on loan."
Unfortunately for the non-leaguers, the headline refers to Barnet bit-part player Ashley, rather
than Aston Villa poacher John.
With Florentino Perez already spouting off that Arsene Wenger will join him at the Bernabeu, Off
The Post looks at some more rumours you can expect to hear over the next few months. 1. Cristiano
Ronaldo has not only agreed to join the club, he signed the contract in his blood. 2. We are going
to build [.
You wouldn't have caught Terry Butcher in one of them The South American U20 championships are
proving to be a fruitful hunting ground for football humour. For instance, here is Peru's Aurelio
Saco-Ver preparing to take a throw-in with a net on his head. Very fetching, methinks.
Ossie's dreaming of Inverness job We thought we would celebrate the news that Ossie Ardiles has
applied for the vacant Inverness Caledonian Thistle manager's post by bringing you a bit of Chas
and Dave's Ossie's Dream FA Cup song from 1981. Ardiles said: "I don't know a lot about them,
but I've been in this kind of [.
A timekeeping shirt sponsor for Man Yoo? The news that skint American bankers AIG will not be
renewing their sponsorship deal with Manchester United could pave the way for a Swiss watch
manufacturer to take their place. Back in October, we told you that Hublot had agreed a sponsorship
deal with United and were producing a [.
Toon duo set to fight to the death, or summat The training ground bust-up between Newcastle pair
Charles N'Zogbia and Andy Carroll is apparently far from over. The Sun (I know) is today reporting
that the players can't wait to scrap it out properly. A rent-a-quote said: "This one is
getting out of hand.
SAF's F1-style Carling Cup celebrations Sir Alex Ferguson is a very experienced manager. He's been
round the block and seen it all before. That's why when his Manchester United side defeated the
mighty Derby County in last night's Carling Cup semi-final, he was able to keep his cool. Don't
expect any lavish celebrations from Fergie after reaching [.
HMP Fratton Park How do you help Jermaine Pennant to feel at home during his loan spell at you
club? Easy, simply lock him in a darkened room by himself with just a narrow crack of light allowed
in. Slap an electronic tag on him and send him out on the park for your next match. [...]
Training ground kickabout turns nasty The relaxed nature of the kits on display and the brief
glimpses of footballing action shown in the video above suggests that most of the players of Tigre
and Argentinos Juniors knew that this was a meaningless training ground practice match.
Unfortunately, nobody told Nolberto Paparatto and Nicolas Pavlovich.
South American Under 20 frivolity Not only does Argentina under 20 international Andres Rios nutmeg
Venezuela's Fernando Tobio, he also gives him a quick prostate examination on the way past which is
very kind of him. There are not many footballers who are this considerate, although I seem to
remember reading on Wikipedia that Craig Bellamy [.
Team-mates' training ground scrap Newcastle team-mates Andy Carroll and Charles N'Zogbia came to
blows during a training ground bust-up yesterday. Frenchman N'Zogbia, who has made his desire to
leave the club well-known, took exception to a tackle from 20-year-old Carroll. The fight took
place with a bewildered contingent from Carlisle United - who were at Newcastle's Benton [.
Superhero thrown out of stadium! Fans at Saturday's match between Darlington and Luton were treated
to a surprise celebrity appearance from Spiderman. The comic book hero took his place with the
Luton faithful for most of the match, but eventually the Hatters' dismal display got too much for
their famous fan.
The overinflated striker with a penchant for man love (allegedly) Once again an angry football fan
has taken their revenge against a player by taking the fight to the pages of Wikipedia. This time
Craig Bellamy is the target. The Welsh striker's page has been updated to state that "HE LIKES
MEN AND IS NOT WORTH [.
Probably the most embarrassing video on YouTube If this video doesn't make you cringe then I don't
know what will. Meet the Jonas Brothers. I don't know what they sing, but I do know that they all
wear chastity rings and that Russell Brand made a joke about taking one band member's virginity at
the MTV [.
Real Madrid-Osasuna official's mistakes analysed in detail Spanish referee Alfonso Perez Burrull
has been, quite rightly, taking a lot of stick over the past couple of days after a dreadful
performance in the weekend's match between Real Madrid and Osasuna. The highlight (or lowlight) of
an awful display of refereeing was Burrull's decision to send off [.
Brazilian takes a tumble OK, it is a blatant dive by Panathinaikos' former Gunner Gilberto Silva.
Having established that, you have to ask what made him think that falling over backwards like he
had been shot in the back was the best way to make it look like his heels had been clipped. And you
First photo of Brazilian star at Eastlands Well, sort of. Apparently, this is another Betfred
promotional ploy but if they want to go to the effort of printing a lifesize cardboard cutout of
Kaka and presenting it to Citeh fan let them get on with it!
Egyptian striker misses sitter Amr Zaki has frequently been Wigan's saviour this season, but quite
how he missed this chance to add to his goal tally against Manchester City we do not know. He had
the entire goal to aim at and the ball bouncing straight onto his head and somehow he puts it over.
Equally entertaining [.
More ironic than anything Alanis Morissette came up with This is what football's best-paid pauper
had to say about Kaka's potential move to Manchester City: "It's not always about money. It's
about playing for the best team, playing with the best players in the world and winning trophies
and being successful.
Angry fan has a word with JK Joe Kinnear is used to dishing out angry earfulls, but can he take
them? The Newcastle boss was collared by a fan who was evidently eager to get into a heated
discussion about the Magpies' recent form. And this was before kick-off in the 3-0 defeat to
Blackburn so [...]
1. Manchester United are showing the kind of luck and resilience which usually results in them
winning Premier League titles. 2. Chelsea were also busy using their Get Out Of Jail Free card.
They left it very, very late against Stoke. 3. And Arsenal only secured victory against Hull in the
last 10 minutes.
The Special One first signed Jermaine Jenas last July Inter Milan boss Jose Mourinho says rumours
linking him with a move for Tottenham's Jermaine Jenas have only come about because he picked the
England international in his fantasy football team. The Special One reckons journalists have
scoured his fantasy picks to create transfer gossip.
Scared Spaniard If Stoke captain Andy Griffin thought a slap from Ricardo Fuller was bad, then he
should be thankful he is not still at Newcastle. When Magpies left-back Jose Enrique saw Joey
Barton was not happy with his input to Blackburn's third goal he must have seen his life flashing
before his eyes.
Get the bus with Robinho, C-Ron Just days after writing off his brand new £200,000 Ferrari,
Manchester United star Cristiano Ronaldo has picked up a parking fine after leaving his Bentley in
a bus stop. The 23-year-old parked his car illegally as he went for a family lunch at Gusto in
Alderley Edge, near Manchester.
Hammers kid is forever blowing the sax, not bubbles A West Ham schoolboy has quit his football
career at 16 after landing a £1m four-album record deal. Saxophonist Tyler Rix was discovered
by music bosses when he took part in BBC2's Classical Star TV talent programme. He signed his
record contract with Universal on the turf [.
Too good to be true 1. Ali Dia A plan as simple as it was stunning: get someone to ring Graeme
Souness claiming to be George Weah. Get the Fake Weah to recommend his 'cousin' to the then
Southampton boss. Sign your Premier League contract. Dia made his one and only Premier League
appearance against Leeds in [.
Teen sensation is fictional Cracking story this. A number of media outlets, including The Times and
Goal.com, have been reporting on a 16-year-old Moldovan attacker named Masal Bugduv who was set to
take the football world by storm. The only problem is he doesn't exist. Bugduv was nothing more
than the star of a fake AP [.
And people say he loves himself... Remember the Cristiano Ronaldo Love/Hate viral by Nike? Well,
someone has very kindly put the video's highlight moment into GIF format so you can watch it over
and over and over and over...
Bald official helps knock Birmingham out Fast-forward to about 35 seconds into this video to see
referee Howard Webb breaking up a Birmingham passing move with a brave interception before neatly
laying the ball off for Wolves to break away and score.
Tactical genius During his time at Tottenham, Juande Ramos earned a reputation for deploying tools
in the wrong places (David Bentley at left-back, for instance). He has continued the theme during
his brief stint at Real Madrid, where he has been spotted clipping his nails in the dugout. Here he
is taking a break from the 90 [.
Managerial touchline dispute Newcastle manager Joe Kinnear and Hull boss Phil Brown were both sent
to the stands by referee Phil Dowd after a confrontation during last night's FA Cup tie. The
incident began when Fabricio Coloccini was booked for a lunging tackle on Hull's Daniel Cousin.
Brown allegedly applauded the decision before launching a verbal [.
A WAG who has earned her man's money instead of spending it! An English footballer stuck in America
without a club earned a move to Scottish outfit Queen of the South after his wife posted a
10-minute highlights package of his career on YouTube (that's the video that did the trick above).
Former Chester City defender [.
Don't worry - it's a commercial, dear When Juventus' Amauri is substituted in this commercial he
accidentally hangs his shirt on the switch that turns the floodlights on and off (a must have
accessory in the changing room). His team-mates - seemingly rejuvenated by Amauri's withdrawal -
look set to score when the lights go out.
He's going - deal with it Every time one of these little clues emerges we get Man Yoo fans in
denial dismissing them. I'm looking forward to the comments on the day I write about C-Ron signing
a contract at Real Madrid ("Just because he has signed a contract at another club doesn't mean
Rockin' the Robinho West Brom will be hoping their on-loan striker 'Homer' Jay Simpson can complete
the Robinho look by bagging a few goals for the Baggies. The Arsenal youngster is sporting a
similar hedgehog-esque mohawk to Manchester City's expensive striker.
On the pitch, of course A doctor at a Brazilian football club is planning on giving a new meaning
to feeling stiff after a match by plying his players with Viagra. Gremio quack Alarico Endres
reckons the sex drug could be used to improve players' performance in games at altitude. The doctor
hinted he has a [.
Manchester City's money might be about to start talking Let's talk numbers: £100m - the
reported transfer fee offered to AC Milan. More than the £70m Real Madrid are tipped to spend
on Cristiano Ronaldo. £500,000 - Kaka's reported weekly wage packet if he agrees to move to
Eastlands. More than twice the huge amount C-Ron would get [.
New Kicks On The Block New Kicks On The Block, Boyzonal Marking, Take That (I'll Take The Next
One). I could go on (OK, I couldn't - I got bored). Anyhow, here is FIFA's Famous Five in their
civilian gear looking like the latest boyband revival. Spotted on Dirty Tackle
Maybe he's considering a career in coaching Remember we told about Franck Ribery's adventure in the
Bayern Munich team bus? Well, here's the footage of him behind the wheel. Spotted on FANartisch via
Football's answer to Marmite This new viral from Nike celebrates their prize-asset winning the FIFA
World Player of the Year award by asking fans whether they love Ronaldo or hate Ronaldo. The man
himself even sneaks into the viral incognito to boost the love votes!
A tale of two Andersons (at least) Off The Post is hoping Rafa Benitez gets the better of Sir Alex
Ferguson, at least in their latest transfer battle, for the sake of an easy life. Both the Man Yoo
and Liverpool bosses are reportedly targeting Fluminense defender Anderson in a £3 million
deal. While the centre-half [.
Magpies want Mr Relegation QPR, Nottingham Forest, Southampton and West Brom all know the dangers
of signing Nigel Quashie. The hapless midfielder has been relegated from the Premier League with
all four clubs, but apparently nobody has alerted Newcastle to this. The Magpies are said to be
mulling over a £500,000 move for the West Ham midfielder [.
C-Ron is taking Spanish lessons Hardly a surprising outcome, but a deserved one I am sure most
people would agree. Cristiano Ronaldo has picked up the FIFA World Player of the Year award,
becoming the first Premier League player to take the title. He said: "It's an overwhelming
moment in my career and I'd like to [.
Pelt the keeper Take some snow, thousands of fans who have rarely seen snow, and one opposition
goalkeeper, and you have got yourself a pretty humorous delay in play. Referee Cesar Muniz
Fernandez had to halt proceedings in the match between Atletico Madrid and Athletic Bilbao in the
5th minute after a barrage of snowballs were [.
Effortlessly suave Inter coach pulls funny face There is no great news value to this story, but it
is good to see brooding, photogenic, stylish Inter Milan coach Jose Mourinho getting photographed
looking goofy and gormless.
Underwater reporter Soccer Saturday presenter Jeff Stelling (along with us viewers) puts up with
his fair share of dodgy satellite connections/microphones/reporters leading to some poor quality
programming. It seems David Tanner's gurgled report from Celtic Park on Saturday was the straw that
broke the camel's back.
1. Sometimes chubby Argentinians like to chew bubble gum in Stoke-on-Trent. 2. Manchester United
are streets ahead of Chelsea at the minute. 3. Chelsea need to improve their defending of set
pieces and find more cutting edge if they are to put themselves back in contention for the title.
4. For all the positive vibes that accompanied the [.
Argentine's cigar ruins the Blues big match preparation A Cuban cigar being smoked by Diego
Maradona is rumoured to have sparked a fire alarm which left Chelsea's stars standing outside in
the cold at 7am on the morning of their match with Manchester United. The Blues were comfortably
beaten at Old Trafford but might want to [.
How to make a match official look bent When Ayr United's Alex Williams scored a late equaliser
against Kilmarnock he didn't want to celebrate with his team-mates. Oh no, he wanted to rip off his
shirt and hug the referee. The man in black, Steve Conroy, tried to pull away before his good name
has been [.
How to look a prat as you score your first Premier League goal Woah! I thought young Premier League
footballers surrounded themselves with agents and club advisers to stop them doing daft things like
this. We are not quite sure who talked Newcastle youngster Andy Carroll into doing an Elano, but
when he looks back to [.
Down-and-out dad's dodgy bet Jermain Defoe's dad wasted a fiver out of his £65-a-week benefit
money betting that Tottenham's new signing would score on his debut. Spurs lost 1-0 to Wigan
yesterday. Jimmy Defoe is reported to have staked £5 on Defoe Jnr bagging a goal against the
Latics. He was allegedly overheard boasting that his son [.
Serious Becks given 89 minutes David Beckham made his AC Milan debut in a 2-2 draw with Roma
yesterday. The ex-England skipper was handed a surprise start on the right of a three-man midfield
and - even more surprisingly - was allowed to stay there for 89 minutes. Coach Carlo Ancelotti sang
Beckham's praises after the match.
Who's that dark-eyed sub? Liverpool's Fernando Torres was unable to make an impact during his
30-minute Premier League comeback appearance against Stoke at the weekend. Too many late nights
judging by this photo evidence, taken while he was still on the bench.
West Brom keeper proves he doesn't just do howlers at international level Scott Carson might have
garnered a reputation for costly errors in an England shirt during his fleeting international
career to date, but it was his club side West Brom who were on the receiving end of a Carson
Liverpool boss unleashes his Fergie dossier In case you have missed it, Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez
has launched a pretty scathing attack on Sir Alex Ferguson. The gist of Benitez's message was 'stop
whining - there is no vendetta against you or Manchester United'. The Spaniard's outburst is
reported to be in response to comments made by [.
Insurance firms ready to quote C-Ron unhappy Cristiano Ronaldo could be off the road for a while
despite walking away unhurt from his smashed up Ferrari yesterday. The AA - one of the country's
biggest car insurance brokers - claims it could not find a single insurer who would offer Ronaldo a
Liverpool legends pointless PR exercise It might sound an interesting proposition, but sadly it is
not quite as mouthwatering as it might seem at first glance. Liverpool legend Ian Rush has
announced he is putting together a six-a-side team with some famous names involved. Unfortunately,
the faces will be less familiar.
Another footballing road accident This is the carnage caused when Bayern Munich star Franck Ribery
decided it would be a good idea to take the team bus out for a spin. The France international -
whose face is badly scarred from a road accident as a two-year-old (he wasn't behind the wheel on
that occasion) - [.
Spain, where racism never went out of fashion In England, jolly Saint Nick pays us a visit on 24
December. Spanish kids receive their gifts from the Three Wise Men who - much to the relief of said
Spanish kids - have ditched gold, frankincense and myrrh for gifts which the recipients are likely
Derby beat Man Yoo in Carling Cup semi first leg Derby County proved last night they were capable
of beating Premier League opposition even if this seemed beyond them when they were actually in the
Premier League. This superb 25-yard strike from Kris Commons was enough to give the Rams a
first-leg lead over Fergie's reserves.
Man Yoo star writes off his Ferrari Cristiano Ronaldo has escaped unscathed from a car crash while
he was driving to training. The Portuguese international crashed in a tunnel underneath runways at
Manchester Airport. The incident happened at about 10.20am this morning. A spokesman for Greater
Manchester police said: "We are investigating a road traffic collision in [.
Stepover magic from a three-year-old Mmm, wedding day kickabout, isn't it? Veils for goalposts and
all that. It looks at first glance like this tiny flower girl is guilty of losing possession to the
page boy, and indeed she is, but check out the wild Ryan Giggs Circa 1995 stepover that she pulls
Please, sir, can I have some more money? One's an orphan who escapes the shires to return to London
to make money in a pickpocket gang, the other's a footballer who pickpockets his club to return to
London to have his wicked way with Chinawhite's female patrons.
Veteran striker's online moaning to get loan move Hull City benchwarmer/throw-in nuisance Dean
Windass has discovered that the pen can be just as mighty as his fists in his old age and used his
column on the ITV website to speed up a move away from the club. Windass has made no secret about
his frustration at [.
Jermain's big return We know how strongly Tottenham fans feel about players who string along and
betray their clubs. That is why Portsmouth turncoat Jermain Defoe was subjected to a barrage of
homophobic and vindictive abuse at White Hart Lane last night. Or not. Defoe was presented on the
pitch before Spurs' 4-1 FA Cup victory over [.
Goldenballs' long-awaited bow America's greatest export since democracy has made his debut for AC
Milan. David Beckham made his first appearance since his loan move from LA Galaxy in a friendly
against Hamburg. The match ended 1-1, with Milan winning 4-3 on penalties. Becks passed a late
fitness test to start the match before being withdrawn [.
The most entertaining training session ever Corinthians knew they had made a big signing when they
secured the services of Ronaldo, but they are only just discovering quite how BIG. The rotund one
is struggling to shift the weight he piled on during his injury layoff and is left jogging round
behind his team-mates like the [.
Tottenham-bound striker's legit excuse Being a bit of a cynic, it was a relief to see that Jermain
Defoe has not being screwing Portsmouth and undermining the value of the FA Cup. Now that Tottenham
have had a bid for the 26-year-old accepted, they have released Defoe's sicknote to prove there
were no underhand tactics afoot.
Cameroon international grabs mouthy fan The Official Espanyol Supporters Club is calling for
goalkeeper Carlos Kameni to never play for the club again after he allegedly threatened a supporter
during a training session. The Premier League transfer target is reported to have turned on a fan
named David after being heckled during training.
The new trick all the cool kids are doing The ease with which this trick is pulled off (ie the
statuesque defenders) plus the fact that there only seems to be four players on the pitch suggests
that this trick is probably set-up, but it is impressive nonetheless. And it's a good job the
corner flag [.
Show off your silky skills, avoid the rampaging animal This could be the future of the Premier
League in these days of on-demand entertainment and short attention spans. Just imagine:
"Manchester United have fallen a goal behind here at the Emirates. It looks like Alex Ferguson
is preparing to play his Bully Bonus.
Another gay icon captains England Following in the wake of David Beckham, apparently the England
women's side now has a gay icon wearing the armband. Kelly Smith has been voted "the most
lesbilicious UK sportswoman" in a poll by lesbian website Lesbilicious Smith picked up 31 per
cent of the vote, putting her just ahead of Dame [.
Gunner wants to prove he's the Prem's best arrow thrower Darts fanatic Robin Van Persie spent his
Sunday cheering on compatriot Raymond Van Barneveld in the PDC World Championship. The Arsenal star
was at the Alexandra Palace to watch his fellow Dutchman get thrashed by Phil Taylor. But that
didn't stop Van Persie throwing down the [.
Official sends off all but three players Players from Spanish outfits Recreativo Linense and
Saladillo de Algeciras might want to book their seats early for the coach trip to their next league
disciplinary hearing - they are going to be in demand. Their match descended into chaos as 19
players were sent-off.
Bayern Munich visit Dubai zoo "Urgh! What is that?! Put me back in my cage. Now!" Bayern
Munich have been preparing for their money-spinning friendly with AC Milan in the United Arab
Emirates with a laidback trip to the zoo in Dubai. Franck Ribery took the opportunity to scare the
residents with his ugly mug.
Eye-eye captain During Liverpool's FA Cup victory over Preston North End, skipper Steven Gerrard
took the opportunity to show off his impression of Marcus McGee, the DJ he allegedly brawled with
in a Southport nightclub.
Jeff's geography lessons Soccer Saturday presenter and all-round legend Jeff Stelling had a
momentary blip on Saturday when he seemed to suggest that Crewe was an independent country. As far
as we were aware, the Cheshire town was still part of the United Kingdom but it sounds like Jeff
has bestowed independence upon it.
Southampton youngster sent-off against Man Yoo Southampton's difficult task of seeing off
Manchester United in the FA Cup third round was made nigh on impossible when young Matt Paterson
was red carded for this lunge on United's Nemanja Vidic. Video spotted on 101GreatGoals
Argentine could leave Old Trafford this transfer window Hot off the press: I'm just back from
Manchester Airport and who should come pacing past me while I was waiting in Terminal One but
Little Carlos Tevez. Today's papers were already full of reports that Manchester United were both
unwilling to meet Tevez's pay demands and unprepared [.
League One outfit giant-kill City Nottingham Forest scored one of the biggest shocks of Saturday's
FA Cup third round fixtures as they defeated Manchester City at Eastlands. Mark Hughes'
multi-millionaire side went down 0-3 as Forest cruised into the fourth round. Video spotted on
Harry Redknapp backs out of controversial substitution Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp was forced
to scrap a planned substitution in Friday night's FA Cup win against Wigan amid fears the swap
would disrupt his side's momentum. Hossam Ghaly has not played for the club since throwing a
tantrum (and his shirt) when substituted by Martin Jol in [.
Lazy Luka scores lying down Spurs' Luka Modric thought he would make a bit of effort and follow up
Jamie O'Hara's long range shot in the FA Cup third round tie against Wigan on Friday evening. The
clumsy Croat tripped up on his way forward, but fortunately for him O'Hara's shot rebounded off the
post and [.
It's magic! You just wouldn't catch the Premier League's finest playing Debbie McGee like this!
Bayern Munich and Germany left-back Philipp Lahm was the star performer on Germany's Stars in der
Manege as he became a magician's assistant for the day, much to the amusement of an onlooking
Goldenballs left knackered by AC Milan training session David Beckham was apparently left so
exhausted by the step up in intensity from LA Galaxy to AC Milan training sessions that doctors
feared for his health. The ex-England skipper could barely stand after the session at Milan's
training camp in Dubai.
Injured winger abuses nurses who cared for his broken leg Oxford United youngster Sam Deering has
been fined by his club after calling the nurses who treated him in hospital "f***ing
Pakis" on the social networking site Facebook. The 21-year-old was receiving treatment for a
broken leg sustained in a match against Salisbury on Boxing Day.
1. Steven Gerrard has received an ABH in the New Year's Honours list. 2. Steven Gerrard has
allegedly attacked a DJ after getting frustrated by his rotation system. 3. Our very own visual
gag: 4. Who is the only 22 stone man to have ridden a derby winner? Steven Gerrard's cell mate. 5.
Liverpool have backed captain Steven Gerrard [.
City slapper gets some stuff off his chest Today's papers are full of stories that Stoke players
Andy Griffin and Ricardo Fuller have kissed and made up after their very public spat against West
Ham. In an interview with Sky Sports Fuller seemed a little more circumspect. He claimed that
Griffin had been "very rude and [.
Get your name/site in our sidebar Since Tottenham are flogging the naming rights on their stadium,
we are offering the chance to name a new stadium on the site. The stadium will take pride of place
in the sidebar for the next 12 months, and just like Spurs we want you to name it. Our normal
It's 2009! I would like to wish all Off The Post readers a very happy New Year and all the best for
2009. We will be back in full swing tomorrow. In the meantime, sooth your hangover with the best of
Match of the Day 2's 2 Good 2 Bad feature so far this season.