Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2017

Serie A: Dries Mertens Scores Exquisitely Perfect Lob As Napoli Stick Four Past Lazio At Stadio Olimpico (Video)

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Table-topping Napoli continued their fine form with a 4-1 win over Lazio on Wednesday night, thanks largely to a whirlwind of second-half goals.

Trailing 1-0 from the 29th minute, the away side then raced into the lead with a flurry of goals after the break three in five minutes from Kalidou Koulibaly (54′), Jose Callejon (56′) and this absolute beauty from Dries Mertens (59′).

Carabao Cup: Michy Batshuayi Bags Hat-Trick As Chelsea Crush Nottingham Forest At Stamford Bridge (Video)

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Michy Batshuayi was the star of the show for Chelsea on Wednesday night, with the Belgian striker netting a hat-trick as the Blues beat Nottingham Forest 5-1 at Stamford Bridge.

Despite making nine changes from the teamwhich drew 0-0 with Arsenal at the weekend, Blues' boss Antonio Conte could still field a strong 11, with Eden Hazard making his first start of the season.

Carabao Cup: Rashford Nets Brace As Holders Man Utd Cruise To Victory Over Burton (Video)

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Manchester United booked their place in the fourth round of the Carabao Cup after a comfortable 4-1 victory against Championship side Burton Albion at Old Trafford.

Both sides made a whole raft of changes for the game, with Sergio Romero starting in goal for the hosts and captain Michael Carrick making his first appearance of the season.

Modern Football Is Rubbish: Barcelona Wear ‘Courage’ T-Shirts In Tribute To Ousmane Dembele, Who Has A Hamstring Injury…

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Barcelona dismantled Eibar in La Liga on Tuesday night, sauntering to a formulaic 6-1 victory at the Camp Nou in a performance that was no doubt spurred on by the recent loss of teammate Ousmane Dembele.

Indeed, the Barca team assembled before kick-off wearing "Courage Dembele" t-shirts in honour of their fallen comrade.

Liverpool: Damning Compilation Shows Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain Endured Shocking Night Against Leicester City (Video)

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Liverpool boss Jurgen Klopp admitted that his side's perma-prevalent defensive frailties left him feeling "sick" after being knocked out of the Carabao Cup by Leicester City on Tuesday evening.

That said, his midfield wasn't much better, with Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain in particular enduring a nauseating 90 minutes on his first full start for the Reds since joining in a £40million move from Arsenal.

Around The Grounds: St James Park, Home Of Exeter City (Photos)

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Flying high at the top of League Two after an unbeaten start to the season, Pies reckon this is as good a time as any to give Exeter City a doff of the cap by taking a snoop around their stadium.

Not to be confused with Newcastle United's monochrome hulk (note the lack of apostrophe), St James Park is at least in part a throwback to a bygone age of football stadium design.

World Cup Qualifier: England Women Combine To Score Lovely Team Goal In 6-0 Drubbing Of Russia (Photos & Video)

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England Women got their 2019 World Cup qualification campaign off to a rollicking start with a 6-0 drubbing of Russia at Tranmere's Prenton Park.

The first goal came after just 11 minutes when Nikita Parris rolled one home before rushing to celebrate with manager Mark Sampson, recently the subject of an FA investigation into discrimination and bullying within the England camp.

Reports: Karim Benzema’s New Four-Year Contract Extension With Real Madrid Includes Bonkers €1bn Release Clause

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Despite being linked with an exit for the past dozen consecutive transfer windows, but today Karim Benzema has committed his long-term future to Real Madrid.

The 29-year-old French striker, who is currently in his ninth season at Los Blancos, has signed a new four-year contract extension thus tying him to the club beyond his 33rd birthday.

Circle Of Sh*te: Tottenham Fans Produce Bizarre Lion King-Inspired Musical Tribute (Video)

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We've seen our fair share of atrocious fan-made musical tributes, but this humdinger from Tottenham fans really is something to behold.

Popped on social media by the@Spurs_USfan account, the rather slick video by a chap called Jessie Barnett takes Elton John's 'Circle of Life' dirge from the Lion King and perverts it into a quite incredible Tottenham tribute.

Carabao Cup: Liverpool Dumped Out By Leicester As Islam Slimani Nets Belter (Video)

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Liverpool were knocked out of the Carabao Cup on Tuesday night, with the Reds beaten 2-0 at the King Power Stadium.

The visitors were the better side in the first-half, with Philippe Coutinho impressing in midfield and Andrew Robertson a danger on the left flank.

Rio Ferdinand Announces Plan To Become Professional Boxer, Gary Neville Quickly Lands First Jab

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Photo: Betfair

Rio Ferdinand has announced that, two years after retiring from football, he is now intent on becoming a professional boxer.

The former Manchester United centre-back is training as part of the "Defender to Contender" project, as promoted by bookmakers Betfair.

Specifically, Ferdinand will train with former WBC super-middleweight champion Richie Woodhall while he attempts to earn the British Boxing Board of Control licence that will allow him to compete in monetised matches.

Argentina: Adorable Little Dog Invades Pitch, Steals Show, Gives Post-Match Interview In Tunnel (Video)

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Image: TyC Sports

San Lorenzo's narrow 1-0 victory over Arsenal di Sarandi in the Argentinian Superliga will live long in the memories of those fortunate enough to watch it.

This was because the game played host to what might just rank as the most adorable pitch invasion ever.

During the second half, a small sausage-ish dog came bounding onto the pitch, stole the ball and then continued to evade capture in the cutest manner imaginable.

‘Kick It Out’ Write To Man Utd Asking Fans To Stop Chanting About Romelu Lukaku’s Genitals

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Anti-discrimination charity Kick It Out have written to Manchester United to ask their fans to stop singing a chant about Romelu Lukaku's genitals.

Footage of United fans singing about Lukaku's "24-inch penis" to the tune of Stone Roses classic "Made of Stone" did the rounds on social media in the aftermath of United's 3-0 win over Basel in the Champions League last week.

Serie A: Young Juventus Fan Positively Disgusted To Receive Inter Milan Shirt As Birthday Gift (Video)

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Image via Italian Football TV

As a child, there's no more poignant betrayal of trust. You love your gran dearly but she doesn't understand the complexities of club allegiance and local rivalry so she's just bought you the new Derby County shorts as part of your main birthday present ergo, you can never speak to her again.

Mbappe, Dembele And Rashford All Get The Nod As Tuttosport Reveal 25-Man Shortlist For 2017 Golden Boy Award

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Italian newspaper Tuttosport have belched forth the 25 names included on their shortlist for the 2017 Golden Boy award, given to the best footballer in Europe under the age of 21.

The award has become increasingly prestigious over the past decade or so, with previous winners including Wayne Rooney, Raheem Sterling, Cesc Fabregas, Paul Pogba, Anthony Martial, Isco, Mario Balotelli, Lionel Messi, Sergio Aguero and, last year, Renato Sanches.

FAIL: Colombian Striker Teofilo Gutierrez Shanks Embarrassing Penalty Wide During Primera Clash (Video)

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Atletico Junior produced a fairly comfortable 2-0 victory over Tigres in the Colombian Primera A on Sunday but, in all honesty, the winning margin definitely should have been more emphatic to the tune of at least one more goal.

As the match moved into its final stages, Junior won themselves a penalty which star striker Teofilo Gutierrez (once briefly of Sporting Lisbon) stepped up to dispatch.

Shit Lookalike: Wayne Rooney’s Court Room Sketch & Wayne Rooney

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Doesn't get much shitter than that...

Looks like every nameless henchman from every indistinguishable British gangster movie ever made.

Just to keep you up to speed, Wayne Rooney pleaded guilty to his drink-driving charge atStockport Magistrates' Court today and was subsequently sentenced to perform 100 hours of unpaid community work as punishment.

Ex-Stoke Striker Ricardo Fuller Makes Most ‘Sunday League’ Of All Sunday League Debuts For Local Team (Photo)

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He was playing Championship football just two years ago, but over the weekend ex-Stoke and Blackpool striker Ricardo Fuller made his debut for his local Sunday League team.

The 37-year-old, who looks in better nick now than he ever did as a player, turned out for Grange Park Rangers in the Potteries and District Sunday League second division.

‘Bullsh*t’ – Bayern Munich Hotshot Robert Lewandowski Addresses Resurfaced Real Madrid Transfer Rumours In Curt Fashion

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Robert Lewandowski invited a whirlwind of tabloid bullhonky upon himself recently when, in the wake of PSG splurging to sign Neymar and Kylian Mbappe, he publicly criticised Bayern Munich for failing to match their state-financed Champions League rivals in the money-frittering stakes this summer.

‘He Reminds Me Of A Toilet’ – Garth Crooks Reserves Special Praise For Sead Kolasinac As Part Of ‘Team Of The Week’ Selection

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It's Monday morning, which can only mean one thing: Garth Crooks has delivered his weekly selection of 'XI players who scored at the weekend' known alternatively as his 'Team of the Week' for BBC Sport.

Oddly, Crooks has opted to pick a non-scoring player or two this time round, with Sead Kolasinac finding his way into the line-up following a sturdy outing in Arsenal's stoic 0-0 draw against Chelsea on Sunday.

Bantertastic Bookmakers Paddy Power Apologise After Offering Odds On Ugo Ehiogu To Take Birmingham City Job

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Bantertastic bookmakers Paddy Power have apologised after offering odds on the late Ugo Ehiogu accidentally, they claim to become the new manager of Birmingham City.

Ehiogu died suddenly back in April after suffering a cardiac arrest at Tottenham's training ground. He was only 44.

However, as a former Aston Villa player, Paddy Power thought it'd be amusing to include him at 66/1 to take over at rivals Birmingham.

Fatherly Pride: Genoa Manager Marco Pellegri Cries After Watching Son Pietro, 16, Become Youngest Double Goalscorer In Serie A History (Video)

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Photo: @GenoaCFC/Twitter

History was made in Serie A on Sunday afternoon when Pietro Pellegri, at the tender age of 16 years and 184 days, scored both of Genoa's goals in a 3-2 home defeat against Lazio.

Despite the result, Pellegri became the youngest ever play to score two goals in one game in the entire history of Italian football.

On Repeat: Wilfried Bony Sings His Own Song As Part Of Second Swansea Initiation Ritual (Video)

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A fortnight or so after rejoining the club in a £12million deadline day move, Wilfried Bony underwent his second initiation routine at Swansea earlier today.

It doesn't take a wild leap of imagination to guess which song he plumped to perform for his teammates, what with it being the same bloody song that he sings all the bloody time.

Serie A: Paulo Dybala Nets Stunning Hat-Trick As Juventus Beat Sassuolo 3-1 (Video)

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Juventus extended their 100% start to the new Serie A season with a 3-1 victory away to Sassuolo.

Paulo Dybala was the match-winner for the Turin giants, netting all three goals on his 100th appearance for the club in another outstanding display.

Dybala's first goal came on 16 minutes, with the Argentinean attacker producing a magnificent first-time curling shot.

Man Utd: No Joy For Rooney On Old Trafford Return As Everton Lose 4-0 (Video)

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Wayne Rooney's first time back at Old Trafford since his summer move to Everton ended in a hefty defeat, with United putting four past the struggling Toffees.

The Red Devils went ahead after just four minutes, via a thumping effort from Antonio Valencia.

Rooney himself failed to make the most of a couple of chances on the rare occasions the visitors threatened David De Gea's goal.

David Luiz Sees Red As Chelsea Battle To Draw Against Impressive Arsenal (Photos & Video)

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A much-improved Arsenal side pushed Chelsea all the way at Stamford Bridge on Sunday in an entertaining 0-0 draw, with the Gunners unlucky not to come away with all three points.

Arsene Wenger's side started with Alexis Sanchez on the bench while Mesut Ozil was ruled out of the capital clash with injury.

Man Utd: Antonio Valencia Takes Three Minutes To Open Scoring Against Everton With Scorching 25-Yarder (Video)

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It took precisely 197 seconds for Antonio Valencia to open the scoring for Manchester United against Everton this afternoon, and in some style to boot.

The Ecuadorian right-back latched onto a lolloping cross-field pass from Nemanja Matic and, without so much as a second thought, sent a honking shot past Jordan Pickford and into the top corner.

Fair Play Fail: Jena Midfielder Soren Eismann Ignores Protocol To Score Ruthless Goal In German Third Tier (Video)

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Good sportsmanship took a momentary breather down in the German third tier on Saturday afternoon, specifically mid-way through the second half of Carl Zeiss Jena's match against SV Meppen.

At the epicentre of the furore was Jena midfielder Soren Eismann, who ruthlessly exploited 'fair play' protocol to score his side's first goal.

Out Of The Blues: Birmingham Sack Harry Redknapp After Just Five Months In Charge

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After a dismal run of six consecutive defeats, Birmingham City have sacked manager Harry Redknapp.

Redknapp, 70, helped the Blues dodge relegation at the end of last season after taking over with just three games to go.

However, after penning a new one-deal in the summer and signing no less than 14 new players, the former Tottenham and Portsmouth boss oversaw a terrible start to the new season, with his side losing six of their eight games.

‘I’m Angry With The Result But Pleased With The Performance’ – Mixed Emotions For Jurgen Klopp As Liverpool Draw With Burnley (Video)

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Jurgen Klopp watched his Liverpool side dominate the game against Burnley at Anfield on Sunday, but only come away with a point on a frustrating afternoon for the Reds.

Klopp gave Philippe Coutinho his first start of the season, and the Brazilian impressed as the hosts mustered a total of 35 shots in the game.

Premier League Dig Up Lovely Snippet Of Kasper Schmeichel And Tom Ince Playing Football Together As Kids In Old Trafford Corridor (Video)

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This very afternoon, Huddersfield are set to play host to Leicester City at the John Smith's Stadium a fixture that will see two former childhood playmates reunited once again.

With both their dads playing for Manchester United, Kasper Schmeichel and Thomas Ince spent a brief few years growing up alongside one another in the early 1990s.

Man City: Sergio Aguero Nets Hat-Trick As Citizens Batter Watford In Ominous Win At Vicarage Road (Video)

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Sergio Aguero scored a hat-trick as a rampant Manchester City put six past Watford at Vicarage Road.

The goalfest got underway just before the half-hour mark, with Aguero heading home a Kevin De Bruyne free-kick.


Proper Support Or Last Days Of Sodom And Gomorrah? Cologne Fans Give Arsenal The Mother Of All Culture Shocks As Europa League Kicks Off With A Bang (Photos & Video)

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Given some of the fevered outcry, you'd be forgiven that the Emirates was raised to ash on Thursday night, as hordes of swivel-eyed Cologne fans stormed the gates, breached the perimeter walls and ransacked absolutely everything Arsenal Football Club hold dear.

Despite an official ticket allocation of just 3,000, a reported 20,000 Cologne fans made the trip to London for the Europa League clash, such was the prestige of the occasion, especially for fans of a club more attuned to the sapping disenchantment of perpetual Bundesliga relegation.

Europa League: Everton Stink The Place Out With Woeful Display In 3-0 Defeat Against Atalanta (Video)

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A thoroughly woeful Everton got their Europa League group stage off to a dismal start in Italy on Thursday, with the Toffees losing 3-0 to Atalanta.

The game was played atSassuolo's Mapei Stadium, some 120 miles down the road, with Atalanta's ground currently undergoing renovations.

Arsenal: Sead Kolisinac Goads Cologne Fans By Unveiling Schalke Shirt After Scoring Equaliser At Emirates (Photos & Video)

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After going 1-0 down to a Jhon Cordoba screamer with just nine minutes of the clock, it took Arsenal until the second half to restore parity with Cologne on what proved to be a tumultuous start to their Europa League campaign.

The goal came from Sead Kolasinac, who entered the fray as half-time substitute and took roughly three minutes to clang home an absolute gem of an equaliser on the volley from a tight-ish angle.

Too Unfit To Play And £23m Better Off, Carlos Tevez Is Living The Life Of Riley At Shanghai Shenhua

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Carlos Tevez appears to have taken the popular misconception that a move to the Chinese Super League roughly equates to a move into semi-retirement to heart, fobbing it all off from the start while absolutely raking in the filthy lucre.

The Argentinian striker, 33, is currently one of, possibly *the* highest paid footballer in the world all thanks to the mammoth£640,000-a-week contract he signed with Shenhua last December.

Europa League: Cologne Striker Jhon Cordoba Lamps One In From 45 Yards To Open Scoring Against Arsenal (Video)

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With kick-off delayed for over an hour due to crowd congestion problems (who'd have guessed?), Arsenal took roughly nine minutes to fall behind against Cologne in their opening Europa League fixture.

The goal itself was a stonker, scored by under-fire striker Jhon Cordoba, who has so far failed to impress the Cologne fans since coming in as a direct replacement for goal machine Anthony Modeste, who left for the Chinese Super League over the summer.

Arsenal: Incredible Scenes As Thousands Of Cologne Fans March Through London On Way To Emirates Stadium (Video)

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It would appear that Cologne are very much in the mood for tonight's big Europa League opener against Arsenal, with some 20,000 travelling fans making the trip to the Emirates.

It was even reported in the local press that every single bank in the German city sold out of British currency due to the sheer number of supporters planning on attending the game.

Retro: This Complete Set Of Football Playing Cards From ’90 Minutes’ Magazine Really Is Something Special To Behold! (Photos)

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Photo: @90sfootball/Twitter

The brainchild of TalkSPORT presenter Paul Hawksbee, '90 Minutes' magazine launched in October of 1990 and managed a glorious seven-year run before folding.

While we're certain the publication featured it's fair share of memorable articles and such like, nothing that ever went to print is likely to provide a more lasting impression than the special set of football playing cards that 90 Minutes put their name to in 1993/94(ish).

Hot Air: Roy Keane Thinks Diego Costa Is A ‘Balloon’ And Chelsea Should Get Rid Of Him ASAP

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Roy Keane has bestowed us with his definitive assessment of Diego Costa as the impasse between the striker and his current employers, Chelsea, continues to rumble on into a third month.

Costa is currently refusing to return to the club after being informed (via text message) that he was surplus to requirements by manager Antonio Conte after finishing as top goalscorer in the Blues' title-winning 2016/17 season.

Turns Out Neymar Refused To Swap Shirts With Celtic Youngster Anthony Ralston For A Very Good Reason

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Neymar got himself in a bit of pickle after PSG walloped Celtic in the Champions League on Tuesday when the Brazilian super-duper-star appeared to snub a handshake request from his man-marker on the night, young defender Anthony Ralston.

The pair had gone tit for tat all match, and the perceived acrimony intensified when Neymar also refused to swap shirts with the 18-year-old, who was making only the sixth senior appearance of his professional career.

World Cup: First Wave Of Tickets For Russia 2018 Put On Sale And They Really Aren’t Cheap…

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The first batch of tickets for the 2018 World Cup in Russia have gone on sale today and, guess what, they're not exactly what you might call affordable.

From Thursday, fans will be able to submit an application to purchase tickets for the tournament the cheapest being a bog standard 'category 3' ticket for group stage at matches priced at £79 matches and the most expensive being a frankly extortionate 'category 1' ticket for the final.

FAIL: United Masters ‘Keeper Drops Scarcely Believable Clanger During Guam Soccer League Match (Video)

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Image: Guam FA

Laughing in the face of the potential nuclear threat of North Korea, the second tier of Guam's Budweiser Soccer League kicked off on Wednesday evening, with all eyes focused on the clash of the titans between Hyundai Family FC and United Masters.

Hyundai Masters eventually coasted to an 11-1 win, and that's not overly surprising considering the absolute gifts being laid on by the United Masters goalkeeper.

Champions League: Harry Kane Scores Twice As Tottenham Battle To Wembley Win v Dortmund (Video)

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Tottenham enjoyed a rare win at Wembley on Wednesday night, with the north Londoners kicking off their Champions League campaign with a hard-fought victory against Borussia Dortmund.

The Lilywhites got off to a cracking start on the night, with Son Heung-Min firing home from a tight angle.

Champions League: Liverpool Mark Champions League Return With Disappointing 2-2 Draw v Sevilla (Video)

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Liverpool returned to the Champions League for the first time since 2014 with a 2-2 home draw against Spanish side Sevilla at Anfield.

The Reds' defensive frailties were once again on show and the hosts went behind after just five minutes, with Wissam Ben Yedder scoring from close-range after Dejan Lovren stumbled when trying to clear the ball.

Champions League: John Stones Bags Brace As Man City Outclass Feyenoord (Video)

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John Stones netted a brace as Manchester City got their Champions League campaign off to a superb start, via a 4-0 drubbing of Feyenoord in Rotterdam.

It took only two minutes for the Citizens to open the scoring, with centre-half Stones heading home his side's fastest-ever goal in the competition.

Champions League: Spartak Moscow Fan Shoots Flare Gun At Referee During Match Against Maribor (Video)

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Spartak Moscow can probably expect a letter from UEFA waiting on their doormat when they get home tomorrow morning after fans of the Russian club threw themselves a pyro party in the away end of NK Maribor's People's Garden stadium.

Indeed, at one point a flare gun was aimed and fired directly into the middle of the pitch, narrowly missing several players and the referee.

Champions League Snapshot: James Rodriguez Begins Long Journey Back To His Home Planet…

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Impressive altitude...

For the record, it took a while for them to click, but Bayern Munich eventually ended up cantering to a 3-0 win over Anderlecht in their maiden Group B fixture.

‘I Don’t Like Flicks And Tricks’ – Jose Mourinho Admonishes Man Utd For Complacent ‘Playstation Football’ In Win Over Basel

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Ever the pessimist, Jose Mourinho still found something to moan about after watching his Manchester United side cruise to a straightforward 3-0 victory over Basel on their return to the Champions League group stage on Tuesday evening.

You'd think the only blot on the copybook would be losing Paul Pogba to injury in the early stages of the match but no, after the final whistle Mourinho was left griping about the precise manner in which his team sauntered to a comprehensive win.

‘I Won’t Lose Any Sleep Over It’ – Celtic Youngster Anthony Ralston Not Really Arsed About Neymar Handshake Snub

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He may only be 18-years old, but Celtic defender Anthony Ralston has proved his isn't remotely phased at having to deal with the uppity antics of the world's most expensive player.

Something of a surprise selection ahead of Celtic's Champions League opener against PSG, Ralston on only his sixth full professional start was then also given the unenviable job of man-marking Neymar.

Football Art: Nuneaton Town Produce Ace ‘Roy Of The Rovers’ Style Programme Cover For FA Cup Match (Photo)

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The LDJ Solicitors Stadium, home of Nuneaton Town (Photo: Official_NTFC/Twitter)

Rivalling Wolves in the snazzy 'comic-book-style programme cover' stakes, Nuneaton Town have produced an absolute pearler for their upcoming FA Cup qualifying match against King's Lynn Town on Saturday.

Infused with classic 'Roy of the Rovers' goodness, the Boro have gone and knocked out this little retro beauty.

Real Madrid: Marco Asensio To Miss Champions League Opener With ‘Leg Shaving-Related’ Injury Problem

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Real Madrid are due to begin their Champions League title defence with a group stage curtain-jerker against APOEL tonight, but they'll have to do so without the services of man-of-the-moment Marco Asensio.

Indeed, Asensio is set to miss Los Blancos' Group H opener due to injury and not just any old injury, oh no.

Tottenham: U-19s Winger Marcus Edwards Demonstrates Why Mauricio Pochettino Calls Him ‘Mini Messi’ With Fantastic Solo Goal Against Dortmund (Video)

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At 5 ft 8in tall, Tottenham whippersnapper Marcus Edwards is actually a whole inch taller than Lionel Messi, but that hasn't stopped Mauricio Pochettino dubbing the 18-year-old winger "Mini Messi" regardless.

Indeed, the Spurs manager bestowed Edwards with the moniker after being suitably impressed by the Under-19s prodigy and his formidable dribbling skill, combined with a low centre of gravity and an eye for a finish.

Chelsea: Zappacosta Nets Cracker As Rampant Blues Put Six Past Qarabag At Stamford Bridge (Video)

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Back in European competition after a year out, Chelsea announced their arrivial in the Champions League with a 6-0 drubbing of Qarabag at Stamford Bridge.

Antonio Conte rested a number of first-choice players for the game against theAzerbaijani champions.

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However, the hosts were in total control from the off, with Pedro netting a fine long-range curler after just five minutes.

Man Utd: Red Devils Cruise To Victory Over Basel On Champions League Return (Video)

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Manchester United returned to the Champions League with a resounding 3-0 win against Basel at Old Trafford.

The hosts were dealt a blow in the first-half when captain for the night, Paul Pogba, was forced off with a hamstring injury.

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However, Pogba's replacement, Marouane Fellaini, would open the scoring before the break, rising high to head home from an Ashley Young centre.

Official: Crystal Palace Appoint Roy Hodgson As New Manager On Two-Year Deal (Photo)

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Photo: @CPFC/Twitter

Amid all the Champions League hubbub, Crystal Palace chose Tuesday night to officially appoint Roy Hodgson as their new manager.

The 70-year-old replaces Frank de Boer, who was sacked just four matches into his tenure and becoming the first ever manager in Premier League history to lose his job without seeing his side score a single goal.

Liverpool: Sadio Mane To Serve Three-Match Ban For High Boot On Ederson After FA Reject ‘Excessive Punishment’ Appeal

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Sadio Mane will indeed serve a three-match ban after being shown a straight red card in Liverpool's 5-0 defeat against Man City at the weekend.

The Senegalese forward was sent off shortly before half-time after accidentally gouging the face of City goalkeeper Ederson with a stray high boot a collision that left the latter requiring an awful lot of stitching up.

Retro Football: Brian Clough’s Quartet Of Classic Adverts For Shredded Wheat, 1991/92 (Video)

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As he made a point of telling everybody all the time, Brian Clough really wasn't one to suffer flashy prima donna players gladly.

So it might come as something of a surprise that Cloughie dabbled in a few endorsement shills over the years, including a starring role in this series of adverts for Shredded Wheat from 1991 and 1992.

Ligue 1: Montpellier Conjure Up Novel Way Of Getting Rid Of All Their Misspelled Shirts

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Photo: @Gravelgrinder4/Twitter

Due to a rather unfortunate production error, Montpellier HSC recently found themselves with a large surplus of misspelled jerseys they were unable to shift.

A glitch in the manufacturing process meant that every Montpellier shirt produced for the 2017/18 both player issue and the replicas being sold in the club shop ended up with an 'L' being accidentally dropped from the club crest.

Identikits: Nike Pump Out Series Of Formulaic ‘New’ Third Strips For Man City, Tottenham, Chelsea, Barcelona, PSG, Roma, Etc (Photos)

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Man City's exciting new third kit for 2017/18 (Photo: Nike Football)

Just in time for the Champions League group stages kicking off in earnest tonight, Nike have pumped out an entire silo of new third kits for their biggest European clients.

As we've come to expect, all the kits are nigh-on identical, with Nike either making a subversive statement about the creeping sterile homogeneity of UEFA's top club competition or just being plain lazy when it comes to knocking out this expensive guff.

Copa Argentina: Cosplay Enthusiasts Sacachispas Emerge From Tunnel Dressed As Gladiators Ahead Of Tricky Cup Tie (Photo & Video)

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Photo: @REMEZCLA/Twitter

You'll no doubt be glad to know that Sacachispas, everybody's favourite cosplaying Argentinian football team, have been up to their old tricks.

Having steeled themselves for a tricky cup tie back in May by dressing up as the Justice League, the fourth-tier side attempted to repeat the feat for their Copa Argentina Round of 32 game against Sarmiento de Junin on Monday night by charging out of the tunnel dressed up as gladiators.

Espionage: FC Cologne Hatch Devious Plot To Crib Arsenal’s Starting XI Ahead Of Europa League Opener (Photos)

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With a big Europa League opener against Arsenal in the offing this week, Cologne (or FC Köln if you'd prefer) have hatched an ingenious ruse to forge themselves a head-start against their Premier League opponents.

Like the Trojan Horse of legend, the devious ploy to crib Arsene Wenger's starting XI came cleverly disguised as a pre-match present, withKöln extending the hand of friendship via the two clubs' official Twitter accounts.

Sky Sports Strike New £600m Deal With Football League To Live Stream All Midweek Matches

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Sky Sports have struck a "revolutionary" deal with the Football League that will see them allowed to stream all midweek matches from 2019 until 2024.

The £600million, five-year contract also means that all Championship, League One and League Twoclubs will be able to stream their midweek league fixtures via their own official websites, provided they are not chosen for live broadcast by Sky.

Sensitive Issue: England Players Told Not To Use Public Wi-Fi At 2018 World Cup For Fear Of Russian Hack Attacks

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England players and staff are being advised not to use public or hotel wi-fi at the World Cup in Russia next year for fear of nefarious hack attacks.

According to the Telegraph, the FA have alerted FIFA about their concerns over sensitive information, such as team selections, tactical details and injury issues, being leaked during the tournament.

Gruesome: Image Of Ederson’s Facial Wound Hits Social Media After Man City Keeper Laid Out By Sadio Mane (Photo)

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As you may recall, Man City goalkeeper Ederson didn't make it to half-time of Saturday's 5-0 drilling of Liverpool after being poleaxed by a rogue high boot from Sadio Mane.

Mane, who received a straight red card from referee Jon Moss, was quick to apologisefor the challenge that left Ederson requiring medical attention for the lacerations on his face.

Abreast Of The Situation: Male Lincoln City Fans To Wear Bras At Stevenage Match In Protest Over Intrusive Security Searches

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Word has it that droves of male Lincoln City fans are planning to attend next weekend's trip to Stevenage while wearing bras in protest over the security searches allegedly conducted by the latter club's staff on female Grimsby supporters last month.

Reports at the time suggested that female Grimbsy fans were made to reveal their bras so that the wiring could be checked by Stevenage stewards (also female, it should be noted) before entering the Lamex Stadium when the two sides met in League Two on August 20th.

The Pure, Unbridled Crapness Of Scottish Football Encapsulated In Space Of Two Minutes (Video)

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If anybody ever tells you that Scottish football is anything less than pure unbridled sporting excellence, then you rise up to your full height, you fill your lungs, you look them square in the eye and you show them this video.

Encapsulated in less than two minutes, here is a succinct distillation of all the complex, scarcely believable madness that clearly makes football north of the wall the superior British offering.

The Y-Word: Alvaro Morata Politely Asks Chelsea Fans To Stop Singing Offensive Songs About Him As FA Investigation Looms

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The FA have contacted Chelsea as part of an investigation into the offensive chants that marred Saturday's 2-1 win over Leicester City.

Alvaro Morata steered home a wonderful soaring header to open the scoring at the King Power Stadium, but the Spanish striker was upset by the song being sung about him by the travelling Blues fans.

Shit Lookalikes: Leonid Slutsky & Dexter Fletcher

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Anybody else see it?

The jowly chops, the baggy eyes; the blank, gone-out expression of a man who has inexplicably found himself living and working in Hull?

Actually, that last one only really applies to Slutsky but you get the picture.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Ping it over to us at waatpies@gmail.

Horror Hair: Genoa Striker Goran Pandev Reveals Bald Spot Shaped Like Gentleman’s Dangly Bits (Photo)

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As far back as we care to recall, Goran Pandev has never boasted much in the way of generous pate coverage, even during his sprightly mid-20s.

Now aged 34, the full horror of the Genoa striker's follicular recession was laid bare quite literally during Sunday's Serie A tie against Udinese.

When the Macedonian forward was subbed off in the latter stages of the first half, television cameras captured what can only be described as the cock-and-ball-shaped scalp lagoon that now languishes atop his bonce.

Official: Frank De Boer Sacked As Crystal Palace Manager Just Four Games Into His Football Revolution

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They've done it, they've actually gone and done it. Crystal Palace have sacked Frank de Boer just four league matches into the Dutchman's tenure at Selhurst Park.

With the team winless and goalless so far this season, chairman Steve Parish has given the order to fire the very man he brought in to completely overhaul and revitalise Palace's footballing philosophy.

Crystal Palace Almost Lost Their Footing For A Moment There, But Now Everything’s Nice And Predictable Again

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After trying and systematically failing to transform Crystal Palace into a working facsimile of the 1974 Holland side in the space of four matches, Frank de Boer's micro-tenure at Selhurst Park is today officially at an end.

Did he take on too much, too soon in attempting to impress an expansive 3-4-3 formation upon a team long-steeped in the dreary brine of Tony Pulis, Neil Warnock, Alan Pardew and Sam Allardyce?

Ex-Arsenal Playmaker Tomas Rosicky Scores On First Start For Sparta Prague In 17 Years (Video)

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Tomas Rosicky rolled back the years for Sparta Prague at the weekend, netting on his first start for his boyhood club in 17 years.

Starting his senior career with the famous Czech club back in 1998, Rosicky made his name at Borussia Dortmund, before the 'Little Mozart' moved to Arsenal in 2006.

‘I Pray He Heals Fast’ – Sadio Mane Offers Facebook Apology To Ederson After Mashing Studs Into Man City Keeper’s Face

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As you may have heard, Sadio Mane was shown a straight red card during Liverpool's heavy defeat to Man City on Saturday for leaving an imprint of his studs in Ederson's left (facial) cheek.

A seemingly lifeless Ederson received almost 10 minutes of treatment on the pitch before being administered gas and air and being carted away on a spinal board and rushed to City's on-site medical facility to check for fractures, only for the Brazilian 'keeper to return to the dugout after half-time with a sticking plaster on his face.

‘I Thought They Meant The Animal!’ – Adorable Twitter Mix-Up Sees Mark ‘Luke Skywalker’ Hamill Become Wolves Fan Overnight

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It looks like Wolverhampton Wanderers now have a new second-coolest fan (Robert Plant, if you're wondering) in the unlikely guise of Mark Hamill, he of Luke Skywalker fame.

Despite openly admitting that he'd never head of the Championship side until a couple of days ago, Hamill is now a full-blooded Wolves supporter thanks to a rather adorable little mix-up on Twitter.

Greece: Petros Mantalos Scores Stunning Bicycle Kick For AEK Athens v Larissa (Video)

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AEK Athens remain top of the Greek top-flight after enjoying a comfortable 4-0 win at home to AE Larissa at the weekend.

The goal of the game came after just four minutes, with midfielder Petros Mantalos perfectly executing a tremendous bicycle kick which flew into the back of the net...

Quite a cracker from the Greek international.

Man Utd: Red Devils Held At Stoke After Choupo-Moting Brace (Video)

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A brace from Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting earned Stoke a share of the points at home to Manchester United in Saturday's late game.

The Red Devils were looking to extend their 100% record to four games this season but came up against a Stoke side eager to attack whenever possible.

Chelsea: Kanté And Morata On Target As Blues Down Leicester At King Power Stadium (Video)

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Chelsea find themselves third in the table after a deserved win away to Leicester on Saturday.

The last two Premier League title winners produced a rather unremarkable first period.

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However, just before the break, the visitors took the lead, with in-form striker Alvaro Morata heading home from a Cesar Azpilicueta centre.

Arsenal: Gunners Bounce Back With Comprehensive 3-0 Win Over Bournemouth (Video)

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After two consecutive defeats and a dog's dinner of a transfer window, Arsenal finally gave their fans something to cheer about with a deserved 3-0 win against Bournemouth at the Emirates.

After failing to get his move to Man City on Deadline Day, Alexis Sanchez started the game on the bench, where he saw the hosts dominate from the off.

Man City: Sadio Mané Sees Red As Citizens Thrash Liverpool 5-0 (Video)

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Manchester City produced a vibrant attacking display at the Etihad on Saturday, battering 10-man Liverpool 5-0.

With new-signing Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain watching on from the Liverpool bench, the hosts took the lead on 24 minutes, with Sergio Aguero firing past Simon Mignolet.

Official: Fenerbahce Tentatively Agree To Take Vincent Janssen On Loan From Tottenham For Rest Of Season

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Fenerbahce have announced that they've come to a tentative arrangement with Tottenham to take Vincent Janssen off their hands for the remainder of the season.

The Dutch international striker has failed to gel at Spurs, scoring just six goals (many of which were penalties) in 38 appearances to date.

Play-Loving Football Idiots: Chester FC Inundated With ‘Football Manager’ CVs After Advertising Manager Vacancy On Twitter

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Photo: Chester FC/Twitter

With the club currently squatting down at the bottom of the National League, Chester FC parted company with managerJon McCarthy on Wednesday following a disappointing 2-0 defeat against fellow stragglersSolihull Moors the night before.

The Blues then installed Tom Shaw as caretaker manager while they began the hunt for a new first-team coach.

Retro Football: George Weah Paints His Masterpiece By Going ‘Coast To Coast’ Against Hellas Verona, 1996 (Video)

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Milan striker George Weah in full flow against Parma, 1995

Exactly 21 years ago this very day, George Weah scored the goal that would ultimately come, rightly or wrongly, to define his stellar career.

Milan spanked Hellas Verona at the San Siro on the opening day of the 1996/97 Serie A season, though the match is now widely remembered for one thing and one thing only Weah's famous 'coast to coast' goal, the third in an emphatic 4-1 victory.

Ligue 1: Montpellier Misspell Own Club Name On All 17/18 Shirts, Both Player Issue And Replicas (Photos)

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Montpellier HSC have apologised to fans after realising that every single one of their 2017/18 shirts has been sold with a rather egregious spelling error plastered on the chest.

As reported by Le Figaro, the Ligue 1 club have been made aware that they've managed to spell their own name wrong on every jersey, both those sold as replicas and those worn by players in the opening matches of the season.

Reports: Turkish Giants Fenerbahce Eye Loan Move For Chelsea Outcast Diego Costa

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Fenerbahce are eyeing a swoop for Diego Costa, with the Turkish giants reported to have opened talks with Chelsea over a loan deal for the striker.

Costa was deemed surplus to requirement by Blues' boss Antonio Conte, and remains in his homeland of Brazil after failing to move away from Stamford Bridge before the end of transfer deadline day.

Reform: Premier League Summer Transfer Window Will Close Before Start Of Next Season

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The Premier League transfer window will shut before the start of the season as of next year after club chairman voted in favour of bringing the deadline forward.

Starting in 2018/19, the summer window will close at 17:00 BST on the Thursday before the opening weekend of the Premier League campaign (i.

Liverpool: Jurgen Klopp Spotted At Petrol Station, Records Special ‘Get Well Soon’ Message For Young Everton Fan (Video)

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All 'wackiness' aside, Jurgen Klopp seems to be a decent kind of fellow.

Indeed, when the Liverpool boss was approached at a petrol station by the aunt of a teenage Everton fan with a life-limiting illness, he was only too have to oblige.

Noah Cunningham, 13, suffers with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy so his auntie Alison thought, despite being a Blue, that sending him a selfie with Klopp would help lift the youngster's spirits.

South Africa’s World Cup Qualifier Against Senegal To Be Replayed After Referee Given Life Ban For ‘Match Manipulation’

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FIFA have declared that the World Cup qualifying fixture between South Africa and Senegal will have to be replayed in full after the referee on duty was found guilty of 'match manipulation' and banned from football for life.

Back in November of last year, South Africa won the game 2-1 thanks to a penalty awarded byGhanaian ref Joseph Lamptey for a handball by Senegal defender Kalidou Koulibaly.

Retro Classic: Football Italia Intro Sees Paul Gascoigne And James Richardson Combine To Create Comedy Gold, 1995 (Video)

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Paul Gascoigne explains his curious headwear to Lazio coach Zdenek Zeman, 1995

Yesterday marked the 25th anniversary of the day that Gazzetta Football Italia aired on Channel 4 for the very first time.

We've spoken of our undying love for Football Italia before here on Pies, helping as it did to introduce a wide-eyed young fan to a world of football beyond watching Wolves grind out dull, mud-specked draws with Leicester City on Central Match Live every sodding weekend.

White Hart Lane: Tottenham’s New Stadium Will Feature World’s First ‘Dividing Retractable Football Pitch’ (Video)

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Tottenham have announced an exciting new development as work continues apace to turn White Hart Lane inside-out and create a vast new 56,000-capacity stadium upon the footprint of their old ground.

Indeed, the club have proudly revealed that the new White Hart Lane will feature a pioneering playing surface design that will allow the stadium to house both a proper grass football pitch and a synthetic American football pitch all important when chasing that NFL dollar.

Impressive: Exeter City Coach Matt Taylor Turns Floodlights Off With Merest Flick Of His Hand (Video)

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Exeter City have come flying out of the traps in League Two this season, currently sitting as they are at the very top of the table with five games played.

Obviously the results have been good, but it looks like the Grecians specifically their defensive coach Matt Taylor may also be dabbling in the occult to help get points on the board.

World Cup Qualifiers: Rep Of Ireland Face Uphill Task After Defeat To 10-Man Serbia (Photos & Video)

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The Republic of Ireland suffered a disappointing defeat at home to Serbia on Tuesday night, a result which seriously damages their hopes of making it to Russia next summer.

Shane Duffy thought he had scored early on, only for the goal to be correctly ruled out for offside.

It’s All Too Beautiful: Commentator Breaks Down In Tears As Syria Keep World Cup Dream Alive With 93rd-Minute Equaliser Against Iran (Photo & Video)

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Syria's utterly inspirational journey toward qualifying for their first ever World Cup was kept alive in the most dramatic of circumstances on Tuesday evening.

Trailing 2-1 against rivals Iran as injury time wicked away, it looked for all the world like the dream was over.

However, Syria suddenly wrestled back possession and, on his first call-up in five years, Omar al-Soma broke clear on the break to slot a 93rd-minute equaliser through the legs of Iran 'keeperAli Beiranvand.

Blast From The Past: Ex-Arsenal Striker Julio Baptista On Cusp Of Signing For Bolton Wanderers

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There was a time, not so very long ago, when Bolton Wanderers seemingly made it their business to sign every ageing, out-of-work ex-international they could nab out of the transfer bargain bin.

Indeed, as unlikely as it may sound, the likes of Youri Djorkaeff, Jay Jay Okocha, Fernando Hierro, Jared Borgetti, Ivan Campo, Hidetoshi Nakata, Mario Jardel, Julio Cesar, Bruno N'Gotty, Ibrahim Ba, Fredi Bobic and Nicolas Anelka all played for the Trotters within about five or six years of each other.

Leicester City: FIFA Reject Adrien Silva Transfer Application After Deadline Missed By 14 Seconds

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Leicester City have had their attempts to sign Adrien Silva from Sporting Lisbon nixed by FIFA after the Foxes left it just a smidgen too late on deadline day.

The bulk of the £22million deal had been squared away earlier in the window, but the Foxes left it until deadline day to agree terms and finalise some of the small print.

BBC Stalwart John Motson To Retire After 50 Years In The Football Commentary Racket

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The BBC have announced that, after half a century behind the microphone, John Motson is retiring from the commentary game at the end of the current season.

Motson reduced his workload when he stopped doing live broadcasts a season or three ago, and will now commentate on 18 further Premier League matches for Match of the Day before calling it quits with the FA Cup Final coverage next May.

Classic Moments: John Motson Gets His Backside Handed To Him By Brian Clough In Prickly BBC Interview, 1979 (Video)

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After 50 years plugging away on the gantry, John Motson has announced he's retiring from his BBC commentary gig at the end of the season.

Now aged 72, Motson has cemented his place as one of the foremost voices in English football lore, with 20 major international tournaments and 29 FA Cup Finals listed on his CV.

West Ham Owners Refuse To Comment After Being Called ‘The Dildo Brothers’ By Sporting Lisbon President

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West Ham co-owners David Sullivan and David Gold are reportedly unprepared to pass further comment after being referred to as 'The Dildo Brothers' by Sporting Lisbon president Bruno de Carvalho.

The two clubs are currently at loggerheads over a botched deadline day move for Sporting midfielder William Carvalho, with Sporting's director of communications, Nuno Saraiva, branding Sullivan a "liar" and a "parasite" after the latter claimed the transfer collapsed because the Portuguese club failed to leave enough time for a medical.

World Cup Qualifiers: Wales Go Second After Dramatic Late Victory In Moldova (Video)

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Wales' hopes of a place in next summer's World Cup were given a major boost on Tuesday night, with Chris Coleman's charges beating Moldova 2-0 inChisinau.

However, it took until late in the game for the Welsh to break the deadlock against a stubborn Moldovan side.

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Once again, it was Liverpool starlet Ben Woodburn who would make the difference from the bench, this time setting up fellow sub Hal Robson-Kanu after a superb run and cross on 80 minutes.

Classic Moments: Mido And The Worst ‘Crossbar Challenge’ Attempt Ever Captured On Camera, 2009 (Video)

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To brand Mido's loan stint at Wigan in the latter half of the 2008/09 season as 'largely featureless' and 'eminently forgettable' is to do it a major disservice.

After all, the Egyptian striker scored on his debut (a penalty in a 1-1 draw against Liverpool) and then went on to ripple the net again against Arsenal (the consolation in a 4-1 hammering), eventually ending the six-month deal with a whopping two goals to his name in the space of 12 appearances before going AWOL.

England: Dele Alli Claims He Didn’t Aim Middle Finger Salute At Referee, He Was Just ‘Mucking Around’ With Kyle Walker

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Dele Alli could be staring down the barrel of a FIFA suspension after giving somebody the middle finger during England's 2-1 win over Slovakia at Wembley last night.

The initial suspicion was that Alli was offering the salute to referee Clement Turpin after Martin Skrtel felled the England midfielder with an agricultural challenge only for the French official to wave play on.

Sami Khedira Bought 1,200 Tickets For Germany’s Qualifier Against Norway And Gave Them All To Disadvantaged Children

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Although a niggling knee injury restricted him to a 30-minute outing as a second-half substitute, Sami Khedira still emerged from Germany's 6-0 routing of Norway on Monday night as the undisputed man of the match.

This was because the Juventus midfielder went out of his way to ensure that over one thousand disadvantaged local children were able to attend the World Cup qualifier in his hometown of Stuttgart.

Sit-Down Protest: French Amateur Match Interrupted By Angry Local Resident Tired Of Finding Footballs In Her Back Garden (Photo)

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Photo: Puk & Match 65/Facebook

Living right next to the home ground of an amateur football team most definitely comes with it's drawbacks namely the constant barrage of wayward shots, crosses and defensive clearances that come hurtling over the garden fence.

Utterly fed up at having her begonias crushed for the Nth time, one disgruntled neighbour of French amateur side Tarbes FC decided to protest by taking a stand or rather, a sit slap, bang in the middle of their match on Sunday afternoon.

Legendary: Adidas Revive Predator Precision Boots With Trademark Assist From David Beckham (Photos)

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Photo: Adidas Football

As part of their new 'Limited Collection, Adidas have revived their classic Predator Precision, as famously favoured by David Beckham in the early 2000s.

Indeed, it was the original Precision that Beckham wore while dispatching *that* freekick against Greece at Old Trafford in 2001, thus cementing their place in English football boot folklore, should such a thing exist.

‘I’ll Be Out For About Three Weeks’ – Robin Van Persie Refutes Reports That Latest Knee Injury Could Be Devastating Career-Ender

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Robin van Persie has assuaged fears that his latest injury, suffered while on international duty with the Netherlands, is bad enough to leave his career in the balance.

The 34-year-old striker was called into the Dutch squad for the first time in almost two years to face France and Bulgaria in back-to-back World Cup qualifiers.

World Cup Qualifiers: Chris Brunt Nets Cracking Free-Kick As Northern Ireland Beat Czech Republic At Windsor Park (Video)

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Northern Ireland secured second spot in Group C on Monday night after an impressive 2-0 win over Czech Republic at Windsor Park.

The hosts took the lead just before the half-hour mark, with Jonny Evans heading home after a corner.

Things got even better for the Irish on 41 minutes, with Chris Brunt scoring a fantastic free-kick.

England: Marcus Rashford Fires Three Lions To Wembley Win After Early Scare v Slovakia (Video)

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England moved a step closer to Russia 2018 with a deserved 2-1 win over Slovakia at Wembley.

Gareth Southgate started with Eric Dier back in central midfield and Marcus Rashford out wide.

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Judging by Martin Skrtel's death-stare, Slovakia were certainly up for the clash.

Champions League: Zlatan Ibrahimovic Included In Man Utd’s Official Group Stage Squad As Chelsea Scuttle Diego Costa

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It's like he never went away

Manchester United have included Zlatan Ibrahimovic in their 2017/18 Champions League group stage squad just weeks after it was announced that the monolithic Swede would be rejoining the club.

Ibrahimovic is still in the process of recovering from the cruciate knee injury that prematurely ended his 2016/17 campaign, but the paperwork has already been completed on a short-term contract that will see the 35-year-old return to United for the remainder of the current season as and when he makes it back to full fitness.

World Cup Qualifiers: L’Equipe Not Impressed As France Fail To Beat Lowly Luxembourg For First Time In Over 100 Years (Photos & Video)

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Unlikely as it may seem, little ol' Luxembourg pulled off the most remarkable result of the international weekend with a landmark 0-0 draw against the mighty France.

Despite fielding an expensively-adorned starting XI featuring the likes of Paul Pogba, Antoine Griezmann and Kylian Mbappe and racking up almost 80% of possession, the hosts ultimately failed to beat the Luxembourgians for the first time in over a century.

Non-League Snapshot Of The Day: Referee Rejects Concerns Over Potential Kit Clash In FA Cup Qualifier…

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Horsham FC welcomed Ashford United to their Culver Road ground on Saturday afternoon for an FA Cup first-round qualifying tie.

Unsurprising for a team nicknamed The Hornets, Horsham turned out in their usual delectable yellow and black home kit.

Horsham v Ashford United yesterday.

Arsenal: Ian Wright Goes In Two-Footed On Mesut Ozil After Latter Implores Club Legends To ‘Stop Talking And Start Supporting’

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Arsenal legend Ian Wright has bitten back at Mesut Ozil after the latter politely requested that overly critical ex-Gunners should "stop talking and start supporting" the current team in a social media message posted recently.

Marking the fourth anniversary of his arrival at the Emirates, Ozil published a lengthy message on Facebook in which the nimble German forward made reference to the nigh-on constant, one-note criticism he continuously receives from all and sundry all the time.

‘It’s Okay To Dream About It’ – Watford Signing Richarlison Hopes Elton John Might Write ‘Special Song’ About Him Some Day

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Watford are hoping to capitalise on Richarlison and his famously low centre of gravity

He may have only been at Watford for five minutes, but Richarlison has already become something of a fan favourite at Vicarage Road.

The 20-year-old Brazilian striker scored the winning goal against Bournemouth on his debut last month, which is always a quick and easy way of lulling supporters into taking a instant shine.

World Cup Qualifiers: Isco Shines As Silky Spain Cruise To 3-0 Win Over Italy At The Bernabeu (Video)

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Spain thoroughly outplayed Italy at the Bernabeu on Saturday, winning 3-0 courtesy of an outstanding individual display from Real Madrid playmaker Isco.

Spain took the lead after just 13 minutes, courtesy of a fine Isco free-kick.

Isco bagged his second of the game before the break, this time deftly firing home from outside the box.

World Cup Qualifiers: Rep Of Ireland Lose Ground In Race For Russia After Disappointing Draw In Georgia (Video)

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The Republic of Ireland's hopes of securing an automatic place in next summer's World Cup were dealt a blow after a disappointing 1-1 draw in Georgia.

The Irish got off to a perfect start with Brighton centre-half Shane Duffy heading home after weak goalkeeping fromGiorgi Makaridze.

West Ham: David Sullivan Claims Slaven Bilic Rejected Chance To Sign Renato Sanches And Grzegorz Krychowiak On Deadline Day

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Whether you choose to believe him is another matter, but West Ham owner David Sullivan has made it known that Slaven Bilic rejected the chance to sign both Grzegorz Krychowiak and Renato Sanches on transfer deadline day.

Krychowiak eventually agreed a season-long loan at West Brom, while Sanches struck a similar deal to join Swansea for the remainder of the 2017/18 campaign.

World Cup Qualifiers: Liverpool’s Ben Woodburn Nets Belter On Debut As Wales Beat Austria 1-0 (Video)

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Wales debutante Ben Woodburn scored just 261 seconds into his senior international career as Chris Coleman's side battled to a vital victory against Austria in Cardiff.

Austria were the better side in the first period, with West Ham's Marko Arnautovic failing to make the most of a great opportunity to put the visitors ahead.

World Cup Qualifiers: Late Goal Glut Saves England’s Blushes After Mediocre Display Against Malta (Video)

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England toiled away to minnows Malta on Friday night, with three late goals flattering Gareth Southgate's men in a 4-0 win.

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Starting with Jake Livermore in midfield and new Liverpool signing Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain out wide, England struggled to find a way past an organised and combative Maltese side in the first-half.

World Cup Qualifiers: Liverpool’s Andy Robertson Nets Cracker As Scotland Enjoy Welcome Win In Lithuania (Video)

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Scotland enjoyed a much-need victory away to Lithuania, with Gordon Strachan's side running out 3-0 winners.

The highlight of the game came via a cracking strike from Liverpool new-boy Andy Robertson.

Picking up the ball outside the Lithuanian box, the 23-year-old former Hull defender unleashed a beautifully controlled left-footed effort which sailed into the back of the net.

Official: Chelsea Cough Up £35m For Leicester Midfielder Danny Drinkwater (Photos)

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In one of the final deals of Deadline Day, Chelsea finally secured the services of Leicester midfielder Danny Drinkwater in a £35m five-year deal.

Chelsea had been tracking the midfielder all summer and with Nemanja Matic leaving for Manchester United, there was a real need to strengthen the Blues' midfield.

Lightning Round-Up: Handy List Of All The Premier League Movers And Shakers On Transfer Deadline Day

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Photo: @ChelseaFC/Twitter

That's it. The summer transfer window has closed, with the Premier League racking up an enormous net spend of £665million in the process taking the top-flight's total 25-year outlay past the £1.41billion mark.

Let's see what people got for their money, eh?

World Cup Qualifiers: Cristiano Ronaldo Takes Roughly Two Minutes To Score Acrobatic Golazo As Portugal Trounce Faroe Islands (Video)

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Suspended on the domestic front, Cristiano Ronaldo proved that he hasn't let himself fall into disrepair these past few weeks by roaring his way to a hat-trick in Portugal's first World Cup qualifying fixture of the international break.

The Seleccao sauntered to a 5-1 win over the Faroe Islands in Porto, with Ronaldo taking just two minutes and eight seconds (from kick-off) to score a spectacular far-post scissor volley.

Inspired By Events 117 Years Ago: West Ham Launch New Historically-Themed Third Kit And It’s Rather Smart (Photos & Video)

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Photo: West Ham United/Umbro Football

West Ham have seized the opportunity to unveil their new third kit for this season and truth be told it's a rather dapper affair.

The Umbro-designed strip is inspired by the first ever uniform worn by West Ham United upon their formation in 1900, shortly after the dissolution of their immediate forerunners, Thames Ironworks FC.