Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2017

Reports: Arsenal To Sign Nigerian Winger Henry Onyekuru For £6.8m From Belgian Side Eupen

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While the big signing of the day for Arsenal is Arsene Wenger, the Gunners are also reported to be close to sealing a £6.8m deal for Nigerian attacker Henry Onyekuru.

The 19-year-old was the Belgian Jupiler League's joint top-scorer this season, with 22 goals for Eupen, although the club ended the campaign in13th spot out of 16 teams.

‘Now Is The Time To Move On’ – Riyad Mahrez Releases Statement Confirming He’s Asked To Leave Leicester City

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Riyad Mahrez has released a personal statement to confirm that he has, in effect,handed in a transfer request at Leicester City.

The Algerian midfielder scored 17 goals in the Foxes' title-winning season of 2015/16, but managed just six this time out his form bottoming out entirely before Craig Shakespeare's mini-revival saw him muster up a few decent outings toward the end of the campaign.

Official: Bournemouth Complete £10m Deal To Sign Asmir Begovic From Chelsea (Photo)

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Photo: @afcbournemouth/Twitter

In nice, sensible news, Bournemouth have parted with £10million of their Premier League prize money to sign Asmir Begovic from Chelsea.

The Bosnian goalkeeper, 29, is actually rejoining the Cherries, having made eight appearances on loan from Portsmouth in 2007.

Atletico Madrid: Tom Cruise Drops By To Check On Progress Of Metropolitano Arena (Photos & Video)

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No hard hats? That's risky business (Photo: Atletico Madrid/Ángel Gutiérrez)

In town for the premiere of his new movie, 'The Mummy', teeny tiny Tom Cruise stopped by Atletico Madrid's new humble abode to check on the progress.

Cruise and fellow cast members Annabelle Wallis and Sofie Boutellawere given a VIP tour of Atleti's half-built Wanda Metropolitano stadium by Saul Niguez and club president Enrique Cerezo.

Huddersfield Striker Collin Quaner Suffers Self-Inflicted Medal Injury During Promotion Celebrations (Video)

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Huddersfield wonpromotion to the Premier League without scoring a single goal in the play-offs, beating Reading on penalties in the final at Wembley on Bank Holiday Monday to secure themselves a berth in the promised land next season.

After a long and gruelling season, the Terriers celebrated long after the final whistle, withGerman forward Collin Quanerlikely to be nursing a sore head this morning as a result.

Gabriel Jesus Posts Smashing Pics Of His Efforts To Paint Streets Of Sao Paulo Before 2014 World Cup (Photos)

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Man City striker Gabriel Jesus has shared a batch of lovely old(ish) photos of him, his friends and his neighbours gearing up for the 2014 World Cup in Brazil.

Indeed, Jesus dug out some pics of the day he spent splashing paint around the streets of Sao Paulo in preparation for the tournament.

‘I Wish Pochettino Would Communicate Better’ – Moussa Sissoko Keen To Leave Tottenham ASAP After ‘Worst Season’ Of His Career

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After a season in theTottenham doldrums, Moussa Sissoko has spent the past few weeks taking stock and assessing his options.

Clearly unrated by Mauricio Pochettino, Sissoko has made just 8 league starts for Spurs since Daniel Levy chucked £30million at Newcastle for his services last August.

Beep: Barcelona Roll Out New 2017/18 Home Kit, Complete With ‘Barcode’ Style Stripes (Photos)

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Photo: Nike Football

Barcelona have rolled out a new home strip for 2017/18 which, as you can probably see, features updated interpretation of the traditional Blaugrana stripes and Aeroswift technology, for cutting edge performance replete with contemporary detailing.

Basically, Nike have given Barca's famous stripes the 'barcode' treatment, whileJapanese e-mall Rakuten replace Qatar Airways on the belly.

Official: Thomas Tuchel Leaves Borussia Dortmund Just Three Days After Winning German Cup

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Borussia Dortmund have confirmed that Thomas Tuchel has lefthis position as head coach of the club, just three days after winning the DFB Pokal.

According to DW Sports, Tuchel had a meeting with the board on Tuesday morning that lasted just 21 minutes.

This was the outcome...

Ich bin dankbar für zwei schöne, ereignisreiche und aufregende Jahre.

Reports: Arsene Wenger Has ‘Agreed Terms’ Over New Two-Year Contract At Arsenal, Formal Announcement Due In Next 24hrs

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Arsene Wenger has reportedly agreed the terms of a new, two-year contract at Arsenal and is poised to sign it within the next 24 hours or so.

Citing sources inside the club, ESPN FCclaim that the deal was tentativelyagreed possibly as early as November with a formal announcement now due after Tuesday's board meeting at the club.

Antoine Griezmann, The Object Of Man Utd’s Affections, Has Told Atletico Madrid He Wants To Leave

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With Manchester United hovering, it's being reported in Spain that Antoine Griezmann has finally told Atletico Madrid of his intention to leave the club this summer.

According to Antonio Ruiz, a very well-connected and reliable Atleti correspondent, the French forward hasinformed the club that he wishes to move on.

Championship: Huddersfield Book Place In Premier League After Dramatic Shoot-Out Win Over Reading (Photos & Video)

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Huddersfield made it six play-off penalty shoot-out wins out of six as the Terriers booked their place in the Premier League for the first time ever after a dour Championship Play-Off final against Reading at Wembley.

The Terriers started brightly and should've taken the lead on five minutes, only forMichael Hefele to head wide from Aaron Mooy's free-kick.

WSL: Jordan Nobbs Scores Stunning Free-Kick As Arsenal End Man City Unbeaten Home Run (Video)

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Embed from Getty Images

Arsenal Ladies inflicted a first home defeat in 18 games for Manchester City Women at the weekend, claiming all three points in the WSL Spring Series clash courtesy of a fabulous free-kick from Jordan Nobbs.

Nobbs' goal came on 75 minutes, with the England midfielder producing a magnificent outside-of-the-boot effort which swerved into the back of the City net.

Reports: Man City On Verge Of Making Benfica’s Ederson The Most Expensive Goalkeeper In History

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Man City are on the verge of procuring themselves a rather expensive new goalkeeper in the shape of Benfica's 23-year-old Brazilian stopper Ederson Moraes.

Sky Sports are reporting that the fee involved is £45million, which would make Ederson the most expensive goalkeeper in history.

However, BBC reporter Simon Stone is adamant that City will 'only' be paying £33million, thus making Ederson the second most expensive 'keeper behind Gianluigi Buffon.

Roma Produce Misty-Eyed Compilation Of Francesco Totti’s Top 10 Goals For The Club (Video)

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As you are no doubt aware, Roma bid farewell to their king this weekend as Francesco Totti made his 786th and final appearance for the only club he's ever known.

As part of the ongoing celebrations,the Giallorossi compiled a loving Top 10 of Totti's goals for the club and, by 'eck, there are some absolute beauties in there.

‘What A Story!’ – Benoit Assou-Ekotto Refutes Harry Redknapp’s Claim That He Is Intent On Becoming A Pornstar

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Unfortunately for all concerned, Benoit Assou-Ekotto has moved to address recent speculation that he's intent on giving up professional football in favour of becoming a pornstar.

The spurious reports stem from a quote given in jest by Harry Redknapp, who claimed his attempt tosign Assou-Ekotto for Birmingham City was hindered by the fact that the former Tottenham left-back was "more interested" in making the move into adult entertainment.

Dimitar Berbatov And His Daughter Reenact ‘Godfather’ Scene To Plug Upcoming Exhibition Match (Video)

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Dimitar Berbatov has teamed up with his seven-year-old daughter Dea to produce a fantastic self-shot trailer for his upcoming exhibition matchin Sofia, Bulgaria.

Berbatov and a gaggle of his chums are set to square off against a Luis Figo XI on 14th June to raise money for both players' respective charitable foundations.

Russia: Opposing Clubs Face 10,000-Mile Return Trips After Remote SKA Khabarovsk Secure Promotion To Premier League

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Photo: @fcska/Twitter

SKA Khabarovsk have added some serious mileage to next season's Russian Premier League (RPL) itinerary after securing their promotion to the top flight on Sunday.

Despite a grand total of zero goals being scored over 210 minutes of their two-legged play-off against Orenburg, SKA won the ensuing penalty shootout 5-3 to secure themselves a spot at the big tablefor the first time in their history.

Tears For Totti: Emotional Scenes As Roma Legend Makes Final Appearance For Boyhood Club (Photos & Video)

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Francesco Totti made his 786th and final appearance for boyhood club Roma on Sunday, helping his side to a 2-1 win over Genoa which sealed a precious Champions League group stage berth.

16-year-old Pietro Pellegri opened the scoring on just three minutes, thus becoming the first player born in 2001 to score a Serie A goal before Edin Dzeko levelled the scores.

Francesco Totti: Rome Newspaper ‘Il Tempo’ Change Their Name In Honour Of Departing Roma Icon’s Final Match (Photo)

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Francesco Totti, one of the last bastions of a bygone age of calcio, is limbering upto play his 786th and final game for Roma today.

The Giallorossi are due to face Genoa in their last fixture of the Serie A season, with Totti set to "play a large portion" of the match before he moves upstairs to take on a directorial role at the only club he's ever served.

Back To The Future: Match Ball Portuguese Cup Final Delivered To Referee By Man On Hoverboard (Video)

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Benfica secured the double in Portugal on Sunday, courtesy of a 2-1 cup final victory overGuimaraes at the National Stadium.

The game was preceded by an incredibly over the top spectacle which saw the match ball arriving from the skies via a man on a hover-board...

This is how they gave the ball to the ref in today's Portuguese cup final pic.

FA Cup: Arsenal Win Record 13th Title After Outstanding 2-1 Win Over Chelsea (Photos & Video)

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Arsenal produced a superb, vibrant display against Chelsea in Saturday's FA Cup final, with the Gunners deservedly securing a record 13th title.

Arsene Wenger stuck with David Ospina in goal for the final, with club captain Per Mertesacker making his first start of the season and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain deployed in an unfamiliar left wing-back role.

Retro Football: 12 Terrific LP Covers Of FA Cup Final Songs Gone By (Photos)

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With today being the big day, Pies thought we'd take a timely look back at some of the fine, fine offerings that have soundtracked the FA Cup Final over the years specifically their cover art.

Believe us, the word 'art' has never been used so loosely.

'Sunderland's Cup' Sunderland, 1971

Oddly, we're kicking offwith a post-final vinyl offering, in that the 'Sunderland's Cup' official souvenir LP actually consisted of various audio commentary highlights from the Black Cats' famous 1-0 win over Fulham.

Official: Watford Appoint Marco Silva As New Head Coach On Two-Year Deal

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Watford have appointed Marco Silva as their new head coach, thus replacing Walter Mazzarri in the hot seat.

The Portuguese, who formally left his post at Hull City on Friday afternoon, has signed a two-year deal to take over at Vicarage Road.

OFFICIAL: #watfordfc is delighted to confirm the appointment of Marco Silva as Head Coach.

Juventus: Diligent Striker Paulo Dybala Strengthening Right Foot By Writing With It

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With the Serie A title and the Coppa Italia alreadyin the bag, Juventus can make it an incredible treble next week when they face Real Madrid in the Champions League final.

Paulo Dybala has been one of the stars of the Old Lady's fantastic campaign. However, the left-footed striker is still keen to improve, going to rather impressive lengths to become a more two-footed player.

Birmingham: Harry Redknapp Keen To Sign Benoit Assou-Ekotto But Player Is ‘More Interested In Becoming A Pornstar’

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Harry Redknapp has admitted that his attempts to bringBenoit Assou-Ekottoto Birmingham City may be hindered by the Cameroonian full-back's plan to switch careers.

Assou-Ekotto spent last season in France with Metzhaving signed a one-year contract with theLigue 1 mid-tablers last August.

Official: Wilfried Zaha Pledges Long-Term Future To Crystal Palace With New Five-Year Contract

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Wilfried Zaha has gone and pledged his long-term future to Crystal Palace by signing a big, fat new contract.

The Eagles' newly-crowned Player of the Year has signed on for five more years at Selhurst Park, thus tying him to the club until 2022.


What Do You Buy The Real Madrid Who Has Everything? How About A Coffin Shaped Like The Bernabeu (Photos)

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Photo: AS

What do you get the (possibly ailing) Real Madrid fan who has everything? How about a large coffin shaped like the Santiago Bernabeu?

Unveiled atthe Funermostra 2017 exposition, Real fans wishing to spend eternity in an ornate wooden effigy of their beloved team's stadium can now do just that.

Reports: Pablo Zabaleta Agrees Two-Year Deal To Join West Ham

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Pablo Zabaleta has reportedly agreed to joinWest Ham following his release by Man City after nine years at the coalface.

With Pep Guardiola planning a mass overhaul of his City defencethis summer, Zabaleta's contract was allowed to dwindle along with those of fellow veteran full-backs Gael Clichy and Bacary Sagna, who both left the club earlier this week.

Reports: Man City ‘Favourites’ As Monaco Mini-Maestro Bernardo Silva Flies In For Talks With Both Manchester Clubs

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With both Manchester teams vying for his attention, Bernardo Silva has arrived in the city to see what both City and United are willing to offer.

According to James Robson of the Manchester Evening News, the Monaco attacking midfielder blew into town on Thursday night and will now meet with representatives from both sides of the Mancunian divide.

Liverpool: Jurgen Klopp Tries His Hand At Aboriginal Dancing In Sydney (Photo & Video)

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Photo: @LFC/Twitter

After beating Sydney FC 3-0 in a post-season friendly on Wednesday, the Liverpool entourage spent the following day hanging around the city and taking in a few of the sights before jetting off to Hong Kong.

Ever the eager beaver, bossJurgen Klopp got himself involved with some of the activities on offer, which included a spot of Aboriginal dancing (and didgeridoo honking) in the sun.

Mitre Delta Returns As Official Football League Match Ball For 2017/18 Season (Photos)

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Photo: Mitre Sports

Mitre are reviving a true legend in leather with the news that their famous 'Delta' will be the official matchball of choice up and down the Football League next season.

The Mitre Delta was a staple of English football for many years, being the very ball that Paolo Di Canio spanked home to score *that* volley with, that David Beckham whipped over the wall to score *that* freekick against Greece,that Eric Cantona chipped over Lionel Perez, etc, etc.

Scots Prem Play-Off: Simon Murray Sent Off For Two ‘Dives’ As Dundee United Draw With Hamilton (Video)

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Simon Murray was sent off during Dundee United's Scottish Premier League play-off goalless draw with Hamilton Academical on Thursday, after the striker was booked twice for diving.

Murray saw his first yellow in the first-half of the first leg play-off game, after going to ground when challenged by Massimo Donati.

Europa League Winners Man Utd Both Earned And Cost Themselves An Awful Lot Of Money Last Night

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A goal apiece from a couple ofplayers with acombined transfer fee of £115million saw Manchester United barge tender youngAjax aside in the Europa League final last night.

Paul Pogba and Henrikh Mkhitaryan both went some way to paying back a significant chuck of their astronomic outlays, with United earning themselves a huge wedge byemerging victorious in Stockholm.

‘You Told Me One Day You’d Win!’ – Youri Djorkaeff Congratulates Henrikh Mkhitaryan On Europa League Triumph By Sharing Childhood Photo Of Man Utd Matchwinner

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After scoring the acrobatic goal that effectively sealed Manchester United's Europa League win, Henrikh Mkhitaryan passed a personal milestone.

Indeed, the 28-year-old Armenian forward won his very first European title a fate that was promised to him long ago by none other than Youri Djorkaeff.

Marco Silva Triggers Hull City Break Clause ‘With Immediate Effect’ As Crystal Palace Continue To Pitch Woo

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Not that it was ever going to pan out any differently, but Marco Silva has today official resigned his post at Hull City.

The Portuguese coach spent 139 days in charge at the KCOM Stadium, taking a lost cause and hauling them up off the bottom of the tableonly to eventually come up short in the struggle to stave off relegation.

England: Wayne Rooney Overlooked As Gareth Southgate Announces Latest Squad For Scotland And France Fixtures

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The England squad for next month's fixtures against Scotland and France has been announced and Wayne Rooney has not made the cut.

Gareth Southgate's side will play Scotland in a World Cup qualifier at Hampden Park on 10th June, followed by a friendly against France in Paris three days later.

Retro Football: Charlton Narrowly Pip Sunderland In Most Exciting Play-Off Final Ever Contested, 1998 (Video)

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Quite possibly the most exciting, blistering play-off final ever witnessed atWembley took place, 19 years ago to this very day.

Sunderland-born Clive Mendonca scored a famous hat-trick (the first ever in a play-off final) against his hometown team as Charlton Athletic squeezed their way into the Premier League via a synapse-fraying penalty shoot-out.

Europa League: Pogba And Mkhitaryan On Target As Man Utd Cruise To Victory v Ajax On Emotional Night In Sweden (Video)

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Jose Mourinho picked up his second trophy of the season as his experienced Manchester United side proved too good for Ajax's gifted youngsters.

Before the game, a minute's silence was held for the victims of Monday night's attack in Manchester, with applause breaking out at Solna's Friends Arena.

Undoubted Highlight Of Europa League Final: Ajax ‘Keeper Andre Onana Does A Magic Fart (Video)

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Just a half-time quickie to bring you Pies' official highlight of the Europa League Final so far.

Here's Ajax 'keeper André Onana using his downstairs trumpet to conjure up a BT Sport graphic...

Ajax kalecisi Onana'nın yayıncı grafikleriyle imtihanı pic.

‘I Could Not Care Less’ – John Terry Bluntly Dismisses Criticism Of Self-Orchestrated Chelsea Farewell Substitution

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John Terry has dismissed criticism surrounding the manner in which he ended his Chelsea career, insisting he "couldn't care less" what people think of his contrived 'farewell' substitution.

Terry was subbed off in the 26th minute of the Blues' final Premier League game of the season against Sunderland, as his teammates gathered to clap him off with a mid-game guard of honour.

DFB Pokal: Eintracht Frankfurt’s Guillermo Varela Ruled Out Of German Cup Final By Badly Inflamed Tattoo

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Eintracht Frankfurt full-backGuillermo Varela has been ruled out of the German Cup final after having a bad reaction to a tattoo he had done at the weekend.

Varela was due to start for Frankfurt against Dortmund in the DFB Pokal final this coming Saturday.

However, the 24-year-old disobeyed the orders of his coach, Niko Kovac, and wentunder the needle three days before the match a decision that has subsequently back-fired rather significantly.

Man City: Pablo Zabaleta And Yaya Toure Donate Week’s Wages To Victims Of Manchester Bombing

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Football has once again united in the wake of the dreadful events at the Manchester Arena on Monday night.

As you probably well know, 22 people were killed (some as young as eight-years-old) and 59 injured when an explosive device was detonated during an Arianna Grande concert.

While the messages of support and solidarity rained in, two footballers with local ties to the city decided to go one step further, with Man City pair Pablo Zabaleta and Yaya Toure both donating sizeable sums of money to the relief effort.

‘I Wanna Kick Some Ball Tonight’ – Bournemouth Defender Tyrone Mings Turns Out For 7-A-Side Game After Local Lads Answer Twitter Plea (Photos)

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With the season now over and done, Bournemouth defender Tyrone Mings found himself stuck for something to keep him occupiedon Tuesday night.

As such, the 24-year-old put a plaintive plea out on Twitter in desperate search for a local football match to play in...

I wanna go kick some ball tonight ⚽

— Tyrone Mings (@OfficialTM_3) May 23, 2017

Sure enough, quick as you like.

Yabba Dabba Don’t: Dele Alli Reveals Flintstones Tattoo Hidden Beneath Those Long-Sleeved Undershirts (Photo)

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Who'd have thunk it, but squirrelled away beneath those long-sleeved undershirts, Dele Alli has a little tattoo of one of Hanna Barbera's finest.

Indeed, as revealed by this dispatch from Spurs' post-season jaunt to Hong Kong, Alli has had the image of The Flinstone's very own Bam Bam Rubble inked on his left forearm.

Copa Argentina: Sacachispas Pull Off Cup Shock After Dressing Up As Superheroes Before Kick-Off (Photo & Video)

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Photo: @sacachispasok/Twitter

Realising they had a mountain to climb, fourth-tier Sacachispas decided to assemble their very ownJustice League in a bid to knock Primera Division side Arsenal de Sarandi out of the Copa Argentina.

Having raided the local partyshop beforehand, Sacachispas' players lined up for their customary pre-match photo while wearing a variety of different superhero masks, from Iron Man to the Incredible Hulk.

Cristiano Ronaldo Spotted Dazed, Unresponsive And In Alarming State Of Undress On London Street (Photo)

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Obviously Real Madrid's title-winning celebrations got a little out of hand after the team were formally presented as La Liga champions on Monday afternoon.

Indeed, some two days later, Cristiano Ronaldo was found dazed, blank-eyed, entirely unresponsive and in a state of mysterious undress while trapped in a plastic cratein the middle of a busy London thoroughfare.

Liverpool Old Boys: Jurgen Klopp Gives Minutes To Several Familiar Faces In Post-Season Sydney FC Friendly (Photos)

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Barely a day or so after the culmination of thePremier League season, Liverpool were packing up and flying out to Australia for a corporately-mandated friendly against Sydney FC.

Standard drill: Spend the entire latter half of the campaigngriping about fixture congestion only to clamber onto a 22-hour flight to the other side of the planet the moment it comes to an end.

‘Thanks For Letting Me Know’ – Alex Bruce Obviously Didn’t Get The Memo About Being Released By Hull City

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With relegation confirmed and a tilt at life in the Championship to gear up for, Hull City have confirmedthat several players will be allowed to leave the club come the end of June.

The biggest name included on the Tigers' 'released' list was that of long-serving defender Alex Bruce, who has been on the books at the KCOM Stadium since 2012.

Official: Sam Allardyce Resigns As Crystal Palace Boss And Calls Time On Managerial Career

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As we reported earlier today, Sam Allardyce has indeed left his job as Crystal Palace manager after just five months in charge.

After his infamous one-game spell as England manager, Big Sam replaced Alan Pardew at Palace in December, signing a two-year deal with the club.

Official: Real Madrid Complete Signing Of 16-Year-Old Vinicius Junior After Triggering €45m Release Clause

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Real Madrid have just droppedapproximately £38million to sign a Brazilian striker whowasn't born when Family Guy first aired in the United States.

The newly-crowned La Liga champions have issued a statement to confirm that they have completed a deal for Vinicius Junior, who has two count 'em, two senior appearances under his belt for Flamengo.

Arsenal: Laurent Koscielny Fails With Red Card Appeal, Will Miss FA Cup Final Showdown With Chelsea

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As expected, Laurent Koscielny will play no part in Saturday's FA Cup final clash with Chelsea, afterArsenal failed with their appealagainst his red card picked up in Sunday's clash with Everton.

The Gunners were rather chancing their arm with the appeal, with Koscielny's challenge on Enner Valencia wild and rather unnecessary.

Reports: Sam Allardyce Quits As Crystal Palace Manager Five Months Into The Job After ‘Ending On A High’

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Sam Allardyce has reportedly quit as Crystal Palace manager just fivemonths into the job at Selhurst Park.

While nothing has been confirmed by the club, the Telegraphreckon that the decision has already been made and an official statement is now forthcoming.

Corpulent Samuel took over the Eagles in December with the team languishing in 17th.

Reports: Jermain Defoe Agrees Three-Year, £130,000-Per-Week Deal To Join Bournemouth

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Looks like Jermain Defoe has no plans to hang around at Sunderland any longer than he has to.

Indeed, it's being reported principally by Sky Sports News that the 34-year-old striker has agreed a deal to join Bournemouth.

BREAKING: @IAmJermainDefoe
agrees to join @afcbournemouth on free transfer from @SunderlandAFC Sky sources.

Baby Shower: Rosario Central Fans Interrupt Match By Throwing Barrage Of Dolls Onto Pitch (Video)

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Monday night's Argentinian Primera Division clash between Rosario Centraland Newell's Old Boyshad to be momentarily halted in the early stagesafter play was interrupted by a faintly unsettling baby shower.

With 24 minutes on the clock, Rosario fans hurled around 20-30 dolls, all dressed in Newell's club colours, out onto the pitch.

Little Tease: Atletico Madrid Star Antoine Griezmann Rates Chances Of Him Joining Man Utd This Summer As ‘6 Out Of 10’ (Video)

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As speculation continues to percolate, Antoine Griezmann, the ravishing little flirt that he is, has rated his chances of joining Manchester United this summer as "six out of 10".

The French forward has been heavily linked to a headline £80million+ move to Old Trafford, though in the past has remained fairly schtum about the whole thing.

Liverpool: Georginio Wijnaldum Surprises Young Fan By Spontaneously Treating Him To £250 Football Boots (Photo)

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Not content with scoring the goal that effectively sealed Liverpool's Champions League qualification, Georginio Wijnaldum followed up his on-field heroics with a timely demonstrationof good-eggery on the final day of the season.

Indeed, the Dutch midfielder shelled out £250 to treat a young Reds fan to the football boots of his dreams during a post-match shopping excursion in the city centre.

‘I Thought It Would Be Harder’ – Man City Striker Gabriel Jesus Discusses Making Big Jump To Premier League

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Instant successes don't come much more immediate than Gabriel Jesus, who has hit the ground running at Man Citysince joining from Palmeiras in January.

The 20-year-old striker has managed 7 goals in 11 appearances for City, either side ofa seven-week lay-off caused by the knackered metatarsal he suffered in mid-February.

England Under-20 Defender Fikayo Tomori Scores Impressive 50-Yard Own-Goal Against Guinea (Video)

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Having taken the lead just five minutes beforehand, England found themselves pegged back by Guinea in their Under-20 World Cup group game when Chelsea youngster Fikayo Tomori scored a truly fantastic own-goal.

Under pressure some 50 yards out, Tomori attempted to play a firmly struck back-pass to goalkeeper Dean Henderson.

Official: Crawley Town Appoint Harry Kewell As New Head Coach

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Coming straight out of the wide blue yonder, Crawley Town have appointed Harry Kewell as their new head coach.

The League Two side made their big announcement via a statement issued on their official websiteat around midday.

NEWS | The club are delighted to announce the appointment of Harry Kewell as our new Head Coach.

Official: Burnley Release Joey Barton As 18-Month Betting Suspension Comes Into Effect

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Coming as a surprise to absolutely nobody, Burnley have passed on the option torenew Joey Barton's contract.

As you may recall, Barton is currently just a few weeks into an 18-month suspension from all footballing activity after being found guilty by the FA of over 1,000 betting breaches in April.

Football Art: Guardian Produce Excellent Animated Review Of 2016/17 Premier League Season (Video)

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Kapow! Marouane Fellaini sticks one on little Kun (Image: Guardian/Make Savvy)

The Guardian have gone and knocked out a cracking animated review of the 2016/17 Premier League season.

With an assist from Make Savvy studios (otherwise known as Pies favourite Case Jernigan), the stop motion video takes us by the hand and leads us through a retrospective of many of the more high profile incidents to have cracked off over the course of the campaign.

Official: David Moyes Resigns As Sunderland Manager, Agrees To Leave Without Compensation

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Sunderland have confirmed that David Moyes has resigned as manager after finishing rock bottom of the Premier League this season.

The clubstatedMoyes advised them of his decision ata meeting with chairman Ellis Short in London on Monday morning.

David Moyes has resigned from his position as manager of #SAFC

➡ https://t.

Barcelona Awarded Utterly Farcical Penalty Against Eibar As Lionel Messi And Co. Fall Short In La Liga Title Race (Photo & Videos)

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Barcelona came from two goals down to beat Eibar 4-2 on the final day of the La Liga season not that it was enough to prevent rivals Real Madrid from clinching their first title since 2012 with a 2-0 win over Malaga elsewhere.

Barca fell behind to a superbTakashi Inui brace but a late rally, coupled with a few 'favourable' refereeing decisions, saw the Catalans claw back the victory in dramatic fashion.

Man Utd: Jesse Lingard Pops Into Local Bar To Buy Round Of Drinks For Fans As Token Of Appreciation (Video)

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Being a local(ish) lad himself, Jesse Lingard made a point of thanking the local populace after Manchester United finished their Premier League season with a win over Crystal Palace at Old Trafford.

Shortly after full-time, Lingard skipped over the road to Hotel Football and proceeded to buy a drink for everyUnited fan in the bar as a token of gratitude for their unflinching support.

This Helpful Russian Robot Named ‘AlanTim’ Is Going To Protect England Fans At The 2018 World Cup (Video)

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Image: Moscow Technological Institute (Youtube)

With Russian hooligans promising to turn the 2018 World Cup into a 'festival of violence', there's a good chance that many England fans have been put off the idea of making the trip for fearing of ending up impaled/hung/drawn/quartered.

However, theMoscow Technological Institute are doing their bit fortrepidacious travellers, having designed a robot guide to help fans navigate safely through the tournament.

Shit Football Ink: Man City Winger Leroy Sané Has An Enormous Back Tattoo Of… Leroy Sané (Photo)

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Of course, professional footballers are attracted to questionable body art like swarms of greenfly were to Nottingham Forest's gruesome 1995-97 yellow away shirt (bitter personal experience).

Turns out that Leroy Sané is no exception, with the Man City winger removing his shirt after Sunday's 5-0 routing of Watford to reveal a seriously large, seriously iffy back tattoo.

Pyromaniacs: Partizan Belgrade Fans Celebrate Winning Title By Lighting Flares To Create ‘Ring Of Fire’ Around Entire Stadium (Photos & Video)

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Photo: @SerbianUltras/Twitter

A triumphant 5-0 final-day victorysaw Partizan Belgrade secure the Serbian Super Liga title at the weekend, pipping cross-city rivals Red Star to the championshipby three points.

As is usually the done thing, the Partizan fans welcomed their teams eighthSuperLigawin by lighting a continous ring of flares around the entire stadium, giving the place a distinctly Dante-esque feel as the evening drew in.

Yaya’s Coming Round For A Cuppa: Man City Players Go Door-To-Door To Personally Thank Fans For Their Support This Season (Photos)

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Yaya Toure settles in for a cup of tea and a biscuit (Photo: @ManCity/Twitter)

To say thank-you for another season's worth of unfaltering support, Man City's players ventured out into the local community on Monday to voice their gratitude in person.

Indeed, several fans received knocks on their doors only to find a City star or two standing on the other side.

Man Utd Wunderkind Angel Gomes Posts Throwback Picture Of Himself With Wayne Rooney, Taken 10 Years Ago (Photo)

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Aged just 16 years and 185 days, Angel Gomes became the youngest player to debut for Manchester Unitedsince Duncan Edwards (who was 78 days his junior) when he entered the fray against Crystal Palace on Sunday.

A matter of day after winning United's Youth Team Player of the Year award, Gomes replaced Wayne Rooney in the 88th minute in what felt like a symbolic changing of the guard at Old Trafford.

Man Utd: Jose Mourinho Gives 20-Second Press Conference In Empty Room After Red Devils Beat Crystal Palace 2-0 At Old Trafford (Video)

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A youthful Manchester United side finished off a rather disappointing Premier League campaign for the club with a 2-0 win against Crystal Palace, withdebutanteJosh Harrop and Paul Pogba both getting on the scoresheet.

Indeed, Harrop's opener was quite a cracker..

MLS: Ex-Tottenham Attacker Giovanni Dos Santos Scores Spectacular Effort For LA Galaxy (Video)

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Giovanni Dos Santos netted one of the classiest goals of the season on Sunday, with the LA Galaxy forward producing a magnificent flicked finished from an equally sublime pass against Minnesota United.

Once of Barcelona, Tottenham Hotspur and Ipswich Town, attacking midfielder Giovanni Dos Santos netted his stunner towards the end of the first-half, with the score at 0-0.

Highway To UEL: Arsenal Narrowly Miss Out On Champions League Qualification Despite Ending Season With Victory

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Does that pun even work? Perhaps if you say it fast enough? Oh well, what's done is done.

Arsenal may well have signed off for the season with a 10-man victory over Everton, but alas it didn't prevent Arsene Wenger's side fromfalling narrowly short of qualifying for next season's Champions League.

Tottenham: Harry Kane Wins Golden Boot After Scoring Another Hat-Trick In 7-1 Drubbing Of Hull City (Photo)

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Harry Kane retained his Premier League Golden Boot award by sticking away yet another hat-trick (his fifth of the season) in Tottenham's final day eviscerationof already-relegated Hull City.

Indeed, the Spurs striker scored thrice as Hull succumbed to a 7-1 home drubbing in their final match of the campaign.

Chelsea: John Terry Subbed Off After 26 Minutes Of Final Appearance, Given Mid-Match Guard Of Honour (Photo & Video)

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Many a tear was shed at Stamford Bridge this afternoon as Chelsea said their farewells to a club legend, one John Terry.

The Blues' captain started against Sunderland, making his 717th and final appearance for his beloved club.

The run-out lasted just 26 minutes (his squad number), whereupon the substitute's board was raised and Terry exited the pitch to a standing ovation, hugging his teammates asthey gave him a mid-match guard of honour.

Tea Leaf: Hamburg Fan Steals Entire Goalpost After Watching Team Escape Relegation Zone On Final Day (Photo & Video)

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An 88th-minute winner fromLuca Waldschmidt was enough to keep Hamburg out of the relegation pictureon the final day of the Bundesliga season.

The club have never been jettisonedfrom Germany's top tier, though they've comeperilously close in recent years, twice having to win the relegation play-off game (in 2013/14 and 2014/15) to stay up by the skins of their collective teeth.

Bundesliga: Carlo Ancelotti Sings His Little Heart Out During Bayern Munich’s Title Celebrations (Video)

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"And now, one from my new album..."

As Real Madrid fans are painfullyaware, Carlo Ancelottiloves to round off a successful campaignwith a celebratory sing-song.

Indeed, as part of Bayern Munich's title festivities, Ancelotti seized the mic and wowed the crowd gathered on Marienplatz with a hearty rendition of 'The Best Years Of Our Lives' by Italian songwriter Renato Zero.

Leicester City Grounds Staff Outdo Themselves With Tremendous ‘Club Crest’ Pitch Design For Final Game Of The Season (Photos)

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Sure enough, Leicester City's artistically-mindedgrounds staff have outdone themselves ahead of their team's final match of the season.

As was teased last week, the Foxes have gone all out with their pitch preparations for today's game against Bournemouth at the King Power, snipping a giant version of their club crest into the turf.

‘They’ve Ruined It For Me’ – Goal-Hero Steve Morrison Livid With Fans After Millwall Beat Bradford In League One Play-Off Final (Photos & Video)

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Millwall booked their place in next season's Championship after a late goal from Steve Morrison sealed a 1-0 win against Bradford.

However, a pitch invasion at the end of the game threatened to spoil the celebrations for Neil Harris' side.

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Bradford were the better side in the first period, but failed to make their dominance count.

Ligue 2: Pandemonium Erupts As Amiens Score In Injury Time To Leap From 6th To 2nd And Clinch Promotion On Goal Difference (Video)

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Photo: AFP (via @MailSport/Twitter)

With things balanced on a knife edge going in, the final Ligue 2 matchday of the season proved to be a bit of a thriller.

Thetop six were separated by just three points before Friday night's games and, sure enough, it was the team down in 6th place, Amiens SC, who ended up sneaking into the automatic promotion places in the most dramatic of circumstances.

Chelsea: WWE Vice-President Triple H Takes Time To Congratulate John Terry On Winning Premier League (Photo)

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With a huge sports entertainment company to vice-preside over, it's perhaps a little surprising that WWE star Triple H found the time to personally congratulate John Terry on winning the Premier League title with Chelsea.

Still, for reasons unbeknown, that's exactly what Mr Jean-Paul Hunter Hearst Helmsley Levesque has gone and done, as well as sharing a photo of a specially customised WWE title belt, complete with Chelsea side plates.

Bayern Munich: Philipp Lahm And Xabi Alonso Given Standing Ovations As Veteran Pair Retire In Tandem (Photos & Video)

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Bayern Munich turnedtheir final game of the season into a massive farewell party as the club waved off threelong-serving players into retirement.

A small ceremony was held before kick-off in which, ahead of his 517th and last appearance for Bayern, Philipp Lahm was presented with a bunch of flowers, a personalised golf bag and a banner in the crowdthat read "From a child of our own to a legend of our club".

Arsenal: Alisher Usmanov Lodges (And Reportedly Fails) With £1bn Bid To Buy Out Stan Kroenke

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It's being reported that Alisher Usmanov, the Russian billionaire who owns a minority stake in Arsenal, has lodged a $1.3billion (approx. £1billion) bid to buy out his rival shareholder, Stan Kroenke.

Usmanov currently owns 30% of the club as opposed to Kroenke, who owns a controlling 67% stake in the Gunners.

Der Future: Schalke’s New Shirt Features ‘Integrated Microchip’ That Will Allow Fans To Buy Stadium Refreshments Without Cash (Photo)

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Photo: @s04/Twitter

Schalke 04 have just unveiled their home stripfor 2017/18 and, as well as being a handsome thing in its own right, the new shirt is also a cutting edge piece of technological advancement.

The Bundesliga side have struck a deal with supermarket chain AllyouneedFresh that will see the company's logo appear on the sleeve of their new jersey.

Tottenham: Harry Kane Takes Lead In Race For Golden Boot After Four-Goal Salvo Downs Leicester (Photos & Video)

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Tottenham produced a superb attacking display on Thursday night, thoroughly battering Leicester City 6-1 at the King Power Stadium, with Harry Kane netting four times.

While there was little to play for in this last fixture before the final day of this season's Premier League programme, Spurs were well up for it, with Kane opening the scoring on 25 minutes.

Chelsea: Antonio Conte Becomes First Manager To Land His Own Twitter Emoji

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In the wake of Chelsea's title win, Antonio Conte has been bestowed with the highest honour his profession has to offer.

Indeed, as of today, the Blues boss has been given his very own Twitter emoji, la Paul Pogba before him.

Basically, whenever anybody tweets #ChelseaChampions, a little image of Conte in his trademark celebratory pose will appear.

Barnsley Sign Player After Accidentally Lodging Opening Bid On St Mirren Fans’ Forum Website

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Barnsley have successfully managed to sign Stevie Mallan from St Mirren even after somehow managing to lodge their first official bid with an unofficial fans' website by mistake.

As reported earlier in the week, the Tykes accidentally emailed their opening offer to Black and White Army (a fans' forum with the URL 'stmirren.

Spanish Lower Leaguers Atletico Astorga Unveil Wacky ‘Incredible Hulk’ Novelty Kit (Photos & Video)

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Photo: @AtleticoAstorga/Twitter

It's that time of year again, when every Spanish lower league side worth their salt reveals their oh-so-wacky new kit for next season.

Having seen novelty strips themed around broccoli, fresh fruit, octopus, anatomical models of the human body, tuxedos and even Iberico ham in the recent past, Segunda Division B club Atletico Astorga have gone and upped the ante once again.

Den Bosch Introduce Clever ‘Pay Per Point’ Season Ticket Scheme, Fans Charged €10 For Wins And €5 For Draws

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Ahead of next season's Eerste Divisie campaign, FC Den Bosch are hoping to up their attendances by introducing an unorthodox new 'Pay Per Point' season ticket pricing system.

Basically, as outlined on the Dutch club's website, the amount charged for attending matches will be in direct correlationwith how well their team performs on a game-by-game basis.

‘It Broke My Heart When You Left’ – Steven Gerrard Had Some Lovely Things To Say About Old Liverpool Mucker Xabi Alonso (Video)

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Photo via Mirror

With Xabi Alonso all set to ride off into the Bavarian sunset at the end of the current season, the great and the good of the footballing world have been queuing up to pay homage tothe veteran Spanish midfielder.

The 35-year-old announced his retirement in March with a suitably stylish monochrome tweet.

Roberto Carlos Poses With Aston Villa Shirt, Two Decades After Very Nearly Signing For Club (Photos)

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Photo: @Dr_TonyXia/Twitter

Roberto Carlos has been photographed posing with an Aston Villa shirt some 22 years after coming perilously close to signing for the club as a youngster.

Carlosbumped into Villa owner Dr Tony Xia, who posted the photos on Twitter while joking that he'd made the legendary Brazilian full-back his first signing of the summer.

Monumental: Cristiano Ronaldo Breaks Jimmy Greaves’ 46-Year European Scoring Record As Real Madrid Move To Within One Point Of La Liga Title

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Cristiano Ronaldo brokeJimmy Greaves' long-standing European goal-scoring record with two goals in Real Madrid's 4-1 win over Celta Vigo on Wednesday evening.

By opening the scoring with just 10 minutes on the clock, Ronaldo brought up his 367th goal in one of Europe's top five leagues, thus surpassing the overall career tally amassed by Greaves (366) in 1971, some 46 years ago.

Zenit Present Departing Nicolas Lombaerts With Special ‘Hybrid’ Shirt Made From All 10 Jerseys He’s Worn For The Club (Photos)

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Having first joined the club way back in 2007, Nicolas Lombaerts is all set to up sticks and leaveZenit St Petersburg this summer to return to his native Belgium.

Indeed, the 32-year-old defender has agreed a three-year deal with KV Oostende, which will begin when his current Zenit contract dwindles to nowt in a few weeks' time.

Rather Nifty: Watch Everton Midfielder Ross Barkley Take Freekicks In 360° Virtual Reality (Video)

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If you've ever wanted to watch Ross Barkley take a free-kick from every single conceivable angle, then now's your chance muchacho.

Thanks to some superb camera work from virtual reality pioneers Laduma,the following clip of Barkley knocking balls around is fully interactive alongevery axis.

FA Board To Vote On Introducing Retrospective Bans For Players Found Guilty Of Diving

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After presumably realising that we're now at epidemic levels, the FA are set to vote on whether to introduce retrospective bans for players caught diving as of next season.

According to BBC Sport, the FA board are expected to meet today andvote on bringing in the rule change ahead of the 2017/18 campaign.

Man Utd: Romero Saves Penalty As Dour Red Devils Notch 15th Draw Of The Season v Southampton (Video)

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Manchester United produced a dull and toothless display away to Southampton on Wednesday night, registering their 15th draw of the league season, their most ever in a Premier League campaign.

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Sergio Romero, in for David De Gea, was the star of the show for United, and was called into actionwithin the firstfive minutes afterEric Bailly was ajudged to have handled the ball inside the box.

Belter: Newcastle’s New Home Kit Features Red Names And Numbers For First Time Since 1992/93 (Photos & Video)

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Photo: @NUFC/Twitter

If you'll forgive the slight saturation, we have yet another new and important update on Newcastle's home kit for 2017/18.

As we've seen through a succession of recent leaks, the 125th anniversary strip is shaping up to be a bit of a retro-tinged classic and the latest detail to emerge might just seal the deal.

Dirk Kuyt Retires From Football Just Days After Winning Feyenoord’s First League Title In 18 Years

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Threedays after winning the Eredivisie title with Feyenoord, Dirk Kuyt has formally announced his retirement from football at the age of 36.

Kuyt scored all three goals in the 3-1 win over Heracles the saw Feyenoord crowned Dutch champions for the first time since 1999.

Feyenoord-legend for life!

Man City: Pablo Zabaleta Says Adios As Citizens Stroll To Victory Over West Brom At The Etihad (Video)

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Manchester City enjoyed a comfortable 3-1 home win against West Brom on Tuesday night, a result which sees them need just a point from their final day clash with Watford to book a place in next season's Champions League.

On a night which saw Pablo Zabaleta bid farewell to the Etihad faithful, the hosts were much the better side, with the in-form Gabriel Jesus opening the scoring on 27 minutes.

Five Of The Best: Indirect Freekicks Scored From Inside The Penalty Area (Videos)

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Tuesday night's match at the Emirates saw one of football's rarest phenomenonsoccur deep inside the Arsenal penalty area.

A minute or so into the second half, Petr Cech was forced to handlea shoddy back-pass from Nacho Monreal, thus giving Sunderland an indirect freekick inside the 18-yard box.

Watford: Jose Holebas Has One Final Game Remaining To Break Impressive Premier League Record

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It's gone under the radar thus far, but Watford defender Jose Holebas is on the brink of setting a new Premier League record this season.

Afterbeing cautioned in the fourth minute of Monday night's game against Chelsea, Holebas moved level with four other players who currently share the record for accruing the most bookings (14) over the course of a Premier League season.

Wandering Hands: Sporting Lisbon B Substitute Manages To Concede Penalty While Warming Up Behind Goal (Video)

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Image: Sporting TV/Youtube

Poor old Budag Nasirov somehow managed the extraordinary feat of both conceding a penalty and getting himselfbooked over15 minutes before he came on as a substitute during Sporting Lisbon B's recent Segunda Liga tie against Academica.

Bizarrely, the 20-year-old Azerbaijaniwas warming-up behind the Sporting goal when he was penalised for handling a wayward cross before it had gone fully out of touch.

Man City Thank Pablo Zabaleta For Nine Years Of Loyal Service By Offering Him ‘Lifetime Season Ticket’

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As is fitting, Pablo Zabaleta was given a heroes send-off after making his 333rd and final appearance for Man City at the Etihad on Tuesday evening.

Soon to be on his way after nine years at City, the 32-year-old Argentinian was given the full guard of honour treatment after coming on for the last 30 minutes against West Brom.

Monaco: Champions-Elect Book 50 Cent (And Possibly Bruno Mars) To Play At Title Celebration Party

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Monaco are now just a whisper away from winning their first Ligue 1 title since 2000.

Indeed, the Rouges et Blancs need to harvest a single point from their game in hand against Saint-Etienne tonight to put themselves mathematically out of reach of second-placed PSG at the summit of the table going into the final round of fixtures this coming weekend.

Official: Walter Mazzarri To Leave Watford At The End Of The Season

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Watford have confirmed this afternoon that they will not be retaining the services of manager Walter Mazzarri past the end of the current season.

Following a meetingbetween the two parties on Wednesday morning, Hornets chairman Scott Duxbury issued the briefest of statements to announce the upshot:

After the board discussed with Walter Mazzarri the club's future goals and aspirations, it was decided he will be stepping down from his position as the club's Head Coach after the final game of the 2016/17 season.

Arsenal: Sanchez Bags Brace As Gunners Shoot Down Stalwart Sunderland (Video)

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Arsenal kept alive their slim hopes of a top-four finish with a hard-fought 2-0 win against Sunderland at the Emirates.

The Gunners dominated for large periods of the game, but struggled to get past the outstanding Jordan Pickford in the Sunderland goal.

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The Black Cats themselves threatened to shock their hosts in the first-half, with Jermain Defoe a thorn in the side of the Gunners' back-line.

CONCACAF U-17 Championship: Cuba Defender Piledrives 40-Yard Freekick Clean Out Of The Stadium (Video)

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From there? Surely not...

Cuba defenderKarel Espinosa suffered a missile crisis of his very own during his side's recentCONCACAF Under-17 Championship group stage tieagainst the United States.

Standing over adead ball placed roughly 40yards out from goal, Espinosa took responsibility and promptly managed to send an absolute blunderbuss of a shot sailing out of the stadium.

Benfica: Scooter Driven Around By Eliseu During Title Celebrations Inducted Into Club Museum (Photo)

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Image: Emirates TV/Youtube

AfterBenfica had secured their 36th Portuguese Primeira Liga title over the weekend, full-back Eliseu celebrated in time-honoured fashion by zooming all around the Estadio da Luz on his Vespa.

He then steered his moped into the dressing room, where he proceeded to perform a succession of victory doughnutsin front of his teammates.

Belle Of The Ball: Memphis Depay Turns Up To French Football Awards Wearing Gold-Studded Matador Jacket (Photos & Video)

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Memphis Depay stole the show on the red carpet ahead of the UNFP Trophy gala (France's annual football awards ceremony) in Paris last night.

Indeed, the Lyon winger opted for a demure gold-studded matador's jacket for the occasion, as coupled with a little black dickie bow...

Merci @Memphis pour cette arrivée #tropheesunfp @OL #lequipetype pic.

2. Bundesliga: Arminia Bielefeld Coach Gives Immense Team-Talk Before Watching His Side Haul Themselves Out Of Relegation Zone (Video)

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Entrenched down in the 2. Bundesliga relegation zone going into their penultimate fixture of the season, Arminia Bielefeld faced the daunting proposition of having to take points of third-placed Eintracht Braunschweig on Sunday to keep their survival hopes alive.

However, it transpired that they had a secret weapon ready to deployin times of crisis, and that weapon was assistant coach Carsten Rump.

Reports: Man Utd To Formally Announce James Rodriguez Signing After Real Madrid’s Final Game Of Season

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We've definitely been here before, but reports in the Spanish press are claiming that James Rodriguez is on the cusp of joining Manchester United.

According to Radio Caracol (via AS), James' big move to Old Trafford will be made public afterReal Madrid's final league match of the season, away at Malaga on Sunday evening.

‘It Was A Bit Of An Exaggeration’ – Turns Out Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s Knees Aren’t Quite As Impressive As Mino Raiola Would Have Us Believe

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Hard to fathom, we know, but it turns out that Mino Raiola's recent bragthat Zlatan Ibrahimovic's super strong knees have been deemed worthy of medical research were a little... over-egged.

Raiola was speaking after his client went under the knife at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicineto fix the cruciate ligament injury suffered against Anderlecht in mid-April that prematurely ended his season.

Echoes Of ’95: Ajax Release Gorgeous New Away Kit, Inspired By True European Classic (Photos)

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Photo: Adidas Football (via @AFCAjax/Twitter)

Ajax have released a new away kit for next season and betcha-by-golly-wow it's a bit of a stunner.

It's inspired by the stone cold classic navy and red number the Dutch club wore whilebeating AC Milan in the 1995 Champions Leaguefinal which, coming just a few weeks before their imminent appearance in the 2017 Europa League final, feels pleasantly fitting.

Rock The Cradle: Bebeto’s Son, As Welcomed Into The World At USA ’94, Has Just Signed For Sporting Lisbon (Photo)

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Romario, Mazinho and new father Bebeto "rock the cradle" at the 1994 World Cup (Photo: PA)

In what is certain to come as alarming news for footballs fans of a certain age, the newbornbaby that Bebeto welcomed into the world at the 1994 World Cup is now a mature and fully functioning adult.

Chelsea: Blues Celebrate Title Triumph With Eventful 4-3 Win Against Watford (Video)

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With the Premier League title already sewn up, Antonio Conte decided to give a number of his regulars a break on Monday night, making nine changes ahead of their home clash with Watford.

Despite the celebratory mood around Stamford Bridge and the usual guard of honour from the Watford players, the game was anything but an anti-climax, with seven goals scoredon an unpredictable night in west London.

Reports: Arsenal Agree Deal To Sign Sead Kolasinac On Freebie When Schalke Contract Expires In July

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It sounds like Arsenal have concluded their first transfer diddlingsof the summer by formally agreeing to sign Sead Kolasinac from Schalke.

Kolasinac's contract with the German side is due to expire on 30th June, after which he will move to the Emirates on a freebie

It was reported several weeks ago that the Gunners had successfully procured themselves a pre-contract agreement with the Bosnian left-back.

Crystal Palace: Christian Benteke Drops ‘Anichebe-esque’ Twitter Ricket After Consigning Hull City To Relegation (Photo)

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"Steady on lads, I'm trying to Tweet here..."

Christian Benteke became the latest footballer to fall foul of the ever-present pre-written Tweet threat after scoring in Crystal Palace's 4-0 drubbing of Hull City yesterday.

After sending the Tigers packing back to the second tier, Benteke took to social media to fart out the standard post-win banalities, though crucially forgot to fully disguise the fact that somebody else is doing all his talking for him.

Victory Doughnut: Benfica Defender Eliseu Celebrates Winning League By Skidding Around Dressing Room On Moped (Video)

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Benfica stuck five unanswered goals past Vitoria de Guimaraes to wrap up a fourth straight Portuguese Ligatitlein emphatic style on Saturday evening.

The win was enough to open up an eight-point lead over Porto, who managed to beat Pacos de Ferreira the following day but still wound up in second, four points behind their Lisbon-based rivals with one match left to play.

‘We Didn’t Expect So Many Mistakes From An International Goalkeeper’ – Torino President Delivers Lukewarm Assessment Of Joe Hart’s Loan Stint

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With Torino set to wash up in mid-table after a fairlyunremarkable season, club president Urbano Cairo has been taking stock of his lot.

Indeed, Cairo was faintly witheringwhen it came to evaluatingJoe Hart's six-month stint with the Granata, admitting that the Englandkeeper's trademark handling errors and over-zealous decisionshave been something of an issue.

So Close: Newcastle’s Suave New 2017/18 Anniversary Home Kit Ruined By Ugly, Chintzy Sponsor Logo (Photo)

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Photo via Footy Headlines

Just when it looked like Newcastle were ready to furnish themselves with a super sleek new kit for their return to the Premier League, leaked images suggest they've gone and ruined the whole vibe with a tacky-as-you-like sponsors logo.

Last month, a batch of photoscirculated on social media purporting to be the Toon's lovely new strip, which hinted at areturn forthe old polo-style collar, narrowed stripes and a special '125th anniversary' club crest.

Feyenoord: Dirk Kuyt Celebrates Momentous Eredivisie Title Win With 100,000 Of His Closest Friends (Video)

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With Ajax just one point behind them going into the final match of the season, a hat-trick from captain Dirk Kuyt saw Feyenoord beat Heracles 3-1 and more importantly take the three points they needed to shore up the club's first Erevidisie league title since 1999.

In doing so, Feyenoord also became the first team in the history of Dutch football to top the Eredivisie table for the entire season.

‘He Epitomises What Fans Love About Man City’ – Vincent Kompany Pays Tribute To Departing Legend Pablo Zabaleta

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Vincent Kompany has paid heartfelt tribute to Pablo Zabaleta after Man City announced on Sunday that the Argentinian will be released back into the wild come July.

Indeed, City confirmed that, after nine years of fiercely loyal service, the club will not be renewing the veteran full-back's contract when it expires this summer.

Tottenham: Lilywhites Bid Farewell To White Hart Lane With 2-1 Win Against Man Utd (Photos & Video)

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Tottenham said goodbye to White Hart Lane on Sunday with a 2-1 victory over Manchester United, a result which sees them finish the 16/17 Premier League season unbeaten at home.

The hosts got off to the perfect start, with Victor Wanyama netting a rare goal on six minutes after a superb centre from Ben Davies.

Liverpool: Andre Ayew Misses From Three Yards As Coutinho Masterclass Keeps Reds On Course For Top Four Finish (Video)

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Philippe Coutinho scored two and set up another as Liverpool battered West Ham at London Stadium on Sunday, a result which keeps the Reds on course for a place in next season's Champions League.

Coutinho was the architect of Liverpool's opener on the half-hour mark, with the Brazilian playing in Daniel Sturridge who rounded Adrian before stroking home.

Tigers Tamed: Hull Relegated After 4-0 Mauling At Selhurst Park (Video)

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After just one season back in the top-flight, Hull City were relegated on Sunday courtesy of an embarrassing 4-0 defeat at the hands of Crystal Palace.

After seeing Swansea beat Sunderland on Saturday, the Tigers needed to beat Palace, themselves still in danger of the drop, in order to keep their survival hopes alive.

Womens FA Cup Final: Man City Cruise To Victory Against Birmingham In Front Of Record Wembley Crowd (Photos & Video)

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Manchester City secured their first-ever Women's FA Cup title at Wembley on Saturday, courtesy of a emphatic 4-1 win against 2012 winners Birmingham.

Lucy Bronze headed home the opener after a free kick on 18 minutes.

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PFA Women's Player of the Year Bronze was then instrumental in City's second of the game, crossing forIzzy Christiansen who fired home.

Arsenal: Gunners Cruise To Victory At Stoke Despite Crafty Crouch Hand-Ball Goal (Video)

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Top-four chasing Arsenal produced a superb display away to Stoke on Saturday, scoring four goals in a rare win at the bet365Stadium.

Stoke did bag a goal themselves, albeit in very controversial circumstances, with Peter Crouch knocking the ball in with his hand.

Despite Arsenal's recent revival of form, another 'Wenger Out' banner was flown over the bet365 Stadium.

Leicester: Okazaki Nets Screamer, Mahrez Has Penalty Goal Chalked Off As Foxes Lose To Man City (Video)

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Manchester City kept their hopes of a top-four finish alive and kicking after a hard-fought 2-1 win at home to Leicester on Saturday.

However, the Foxes almost pulled off a draw, with Shinji Okazaki netting a fabulous volley before Riyad Mahrez saw his penalty goal disallowed after connecting withthe ball twice.

Chelsea: Diego Costa Celebrates Title Win In Style, By Massaging John Terry’s Gonads And Washing His Own Face With Lucozade (Videos)

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As you may have heard, Chelsea tied up the Premier League title with a 1-0 win over West Brom at the Hawthorns last night.

The final whistle was greeted with mass pandemonium as Antonio Conte and his battle-weary charges celebrated their momentous achievement.

Central to the chaos, as ever, was Diego Costa, who appeared to fully take leave of his senses in the aftermath of the victory.

Chelsea Are Premier League Champions: Blues Wrap Up Title Courtesy Of Michy Batshuayi’s First Shot On Target In Seven Months (Photos & Video)

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It took 82 minutes of toil, but Chelsea finally broke down West Brom's barricades to secure the win they needed to wrap up the 2017/18 Premier League title.

The Blues' 28th victory of the season leaves them10 points clear of second-place Tottenham, who only have three games left to play.

The decisive goal was prodded home by Michy Batshuayi, who hasn't started a single Premier League game this season.

Virtuoso: West Brom’s Jonny Evans Bamboozles Cesc Fabregas With Exquisite Piece Of Ball Control (Video)

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Chelsea cinched up thePremier League title with the very narrowest of victories over West Brom at the Hawthorns on Friday evening.

An 82nd-minute goal from Michy Batshuayi proved the difference, though all thegenuine flair and invention emanated from the Baggies' midfield.

Indeed, this was largely due to the presence of Jonny Evans, who at point made Cesc Fabregas look like a leaden-footed dumplingwith a flashof gossamer-light ball control.

Swiss Lower Leagues: Pully Football Defender Scores Inexplicably Brilliant Bicycle Kick Own-Goal (Video)

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Just when you thought you'd seen it all, some beautifully graceful clod down in the Swiss lower leagues goes and redefines the very essence of the spectacular own-goal.

The auto-but we're referencing came in a recent Vaudoise Cup tie between Swiss sixth-tier sides Pully Football and FC Renens.

Peterborough Forced To Fend Off £250,000 Bid For Non-League Striker They’ve Not Actually Signed Yet

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Photo: @theposhofficial/Twitter

Peterborough United have confirmed that they've been forced to turn down a bid for a player they haven't technically even signed yet.

A week or so back, Peterborough agreed a three-year contract with Dover Athletic striker Ricky Miller that would see the newly crowned 'National League Player of the Year' make the move as soon as his current deal expires this summer.

Tottenham: Flawless Streak Sees Mauricio Pochettino Named ‘Premier League Manager Of The Month’ For April (Photo)

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Photo: @premierleague/Twitter

A spotless record over the course of the month has seen Mauricio Pochettino named Barclay's Premier League Manager of the Month for April.

Tottenham racked up six successive winsin 29 days, scoring 16 goals and conceding just once, before seeing their mini-streak halted by a 1-0 defeat against West Ham in the first league fixture of May.

Reports: Leaked Documents Reveal Ezequiel Lavezzi Is The Highest Paid Player In World Football

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Photo: @gervinhofficial/Instagram

No wonder he's grinning fromoreja to oreja, for it's been revealed that Ezequiel Lavezzi is the highest paid footballer in world football.

According to the latest waveof football leaks from... err,Football Leaks, Lavezzi is currently raking in £798,000every sodding week while playing for the aptly named Hebei China Fortune.

Around The Grounds: With Atletico Madrid Due To Vacate After 50 Years, We Bid Farewell To The Vicente Calderon (Photos)

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The grand old Estadio Vicente Calderón by night, circa 1996

Pies are dusting off our 'Around the Grounds' series in order to bid a fond farewell to the Vicente Calderon stadium, home to Atletico Madrid for the past 50 years.

With the concrete crumbling, the roof shot through with holes and the dog-ears beginning to become fairly serious safety concerns, Atletico will be leaving their famous old abode at the end of the current season and moving to a shiny new bowl built on the site of the old ‘La Peineta' athletics ground just across town.

Atletico Madrid: Diego Godin Handed Three-Match Ban For Telling Fourth Official ‘You Are Very Bad’

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Diego Godin has had his season ended prematurely after being handed a three-match suspension from on high.

According to Telecinco, Godin was banned for the heinous crime of yelling "Sois muy malos" ("You are very bad") at thefourth official during Atletico's last league outing against Eibar.

Celta Skelter: Man Utd Reach Europa League Final By Skin Of Teeth After John Guidetti Fluffs 96th-Minute Open Goal (Photos & Video)

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Manchester United squeaked into the Europa League by the skin of their teeth after failing to putCelta Vigo away in the second leg of the semi-final at Old Trafford.

Indeed, United came perilously close to being dumped out with thevery last kick of the game, only for John Guidetti to fluff his lines with the goal gaping.

Ultimatum: Everton Boss Ronald Koeman Gives Ross Barkley One Week To Sign New Contract

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Everton boss Ronald Koeman has issued a one-week ultimatum to Ross Barkley as the midfielder continues to deliberate over signing a new contract with the club.

Barkley has had a lot to endure from a personal standpoint in recentweeks, and has also found himself chopped and changed in and out of the first-team.

Premier League: Arsenal Keep Top-Four Ambitions Alive With Routine 2-0 Win Over Southampton (Photos & Video)

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Arsenal kept their hopes of washing up inside the top four alive with a routine 2-0 away win over Southampton on Wednesday evening.

After a frankly turgid first half of little consequence, it took a flash of inspiration from Alexis Sanchez to jump-start the match into life on the hour mark.

Shit Lookalikes: Paulo Dybala & Paul Danan (Of Hollyoaks ‘Fame’)

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With names that similar, could it be that Paulo Dybala is actually an alter-ego created by master character actor Paul Danan after he spent all of his Hollyoaks money on ciggies and bucket hats?

No, probably not.

Regardless, that's a top notch spot from Pies fan Charlie there.

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‘It’s Nothing Short Of Embarrassing’ – Roy Keane Shares Thoughts On Jose Mourinho’s First Season With Man Utd

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If you can fathom such a thing, Roy Keane has delivered a terse, negative assessment of Jose Mourinho's first season in charge of Manchester United.

With United sixth in the Premier League, some 19 points behind champions-elect Chelsea and almost solely reliant on winning the Europa League to qualify for the Champions League next year, Keane has written off Mourinho's debut campaign as "nothing short of embarrassing.

Bradford City: Remembering The Victims Of The Valley Parade Fire, 32 Years On From That Dreadful Day (Photos & Video)

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Today marks the 32nd anniversary of the tragic day, 11th May 1985, on which a fire gutted the Main Stand and Valley Parade mid-way through Bradford City's final game of the Division Three season.

56 people 54 Bradford fans and two Lincoln City supporters lost their lives and over 250 were injured as the flames swept through the wooden structure after debris underneath the terracing caught light.

Champions League: Crucial Isco Goal Sees Real Madrid Stride Into Final At Atletico’s Expense Despite Second-Leg Defeat (Photos & Video)

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A single goal from Isco was enough to put Real Madrid beyond the reach of Atletico and, ultimately, into yet another Champions League final.

Atleti made a typically aggressive start and duly ignited hopes of a comeback as early as the 12th minute, when Saul Niguez connected with a corner to send the home side 1-0 up on the night.

Bayern Munich: Javi Martinez To Miss Rest Of Season After Breaking Collarbone While Out Hiking

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Bayern Munich have announced that Javi Martinez will miss the rest of the season after the midfield injured himself while out hiking recently.

According to Bayern's official site, Martinezbroke his left collarbone while out "hikingin the mountains while at home in Spain."


Retro Football: Johan Cruyff Discusses Dennis Bergkamp, The Notion Of Greatness And The Perfect Footballer, 1994 (Video)

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Photo: PROSHOTS (via Goal)

On the day of his 48th birthday, we can't help but hark back to the highest praise Dennis Bergkamp ever received, and from Johan Cruyff no less.

Shortly before the 1994 World Cup, Cruyff gave an in-depth interview to Hugo Camps for Het Laatste Nieuws, in which shared his thoughts on a wide array of footballing issues.

Looks Like Leicester City’s Grounds Staff Are Preparing A True Masterpiece For Next Week’s Game Against Tottenham (Photo)

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Over the course of the last two years, Leicester City's grounds staff have garnered a reputation for going above and beyond in their pitch preparations.

Not only do they provide their side with an absolute carpet to hoik themselves around on, they also take the time and effort to create some truly dazzling designs in the grass.

Retro Football: Johan Cruyff Discusses Dennis Bergkamp, The Notion Of Greatness And The Perfect Footballer, 1994 (Video)

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Photo: PROSHOTS (via Goal)

On the day of his 48th birthday, we can't help but hark back to the highest praise Dennis Bergkamp ever received, and from Johan Cruyff no less.

Shortly before the 1994 World Cup, Cruyff gave an in-depth interview to Hugo Camps for Het Laatste Nieuws, in which shared his thoughts on a wide array of footballing issues.

‘We’re Like Starving Peasants Begging For Your Scraps’ – Accrington Stanley Chairman Criticises Premier League For ‘Obscene’ Over-Spending In Astonishing Twitter Diatribe

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Accrington Stanleychairman Andy Holt has becometangled up in a quarrel with the Premier League aftercriticising the sheer amount of money being sloshed around up in the top flight.

Prompted by a recent leak that claimed agent Mino Raiola pocketed£41million after facilitatingPaul Pogba's transfer to Manchester United last summer, Holt released a series of tweets on Tuesday afternoon barracking the Premier League for allowing such "disgraceful largesse" to manifest.

‘I Put Him In A Head-Lock’ – Eintracht Frankfurt Coach Robert Kovac Chases Down Man Who Mugged 72-Year-Old Pensioner

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Eintracht Frankfurt coach Robert Kovac is being heralded as a hero after chasing down and apprehending a ne'er-do-well who mugged an elderly man outside a bank.

According to the Kicker, Kovac witnessed the thief steal money from a 72-year-old man as he left the savings bank and then proceeded to chase down the criminal.

Champions League: Dani Alves Scores Thumping Volley To See Off Monaco As Juventus Storm Into Final (Photos & Video)

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Juventus secured themselves a secondChampions League final berth in threeyears with 2-1 homevictory over Monaco in the Tuesday night's semi-final second leg.

Already leading 2-0 from the first leg, Juve were as well marshalled as you'd expect as they nullified and eventually quashed Monaco's ever-present threat.

Man Utd Reveal New Silvery Grey Away Kit, Inspired By Trefoil Design Of 1992 (Photos & Video)

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Photo: Adidas Football

Manchester United have released their new away kit for next season, and it's grey.

The dark, silvery strip is inspired by United's 1992 away kit, from which has been lifted the tessellating 'trefoil' motif copying old ideas or "reconnecting with the past to connect with the future", as Adidas so succinctly put it.

Shit Lookalikes: Steven Gerrard’s Newborn Son & Harry Redknapp

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Well, that's just unfortunate...

Photo: @stevengerrard/Instagram

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Send it over to us at waatpies@gmail.com and we'll gladly give it a look.

Chelsea Move To Within Three Points Of Premier League Title While Relegating Middlesbrough In One Fell Swoop (Photos & Video)

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Chelsea strode to within three points of clinching their fifth Premier League title with a comprehensive 3-0 win over Middlesbrough on Monday evening.

The result was also enough to see Boro's relegation confirmed, though it feels like it's been months in the offing now.

The home sidewere buoyant from the off, with goals from Diego Costa (23′), Marco Alonso (34′) and Nemanja Matic (65′) proving more than enough to consign Steve Agnew's waning side to their fate.

‘It’s The Worst Moment Of My Life’ – Ben Gibson, Middlesbrough’s Homegrown Captain, Takes Relegation Extremely Hard

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While it hardly came as a turn up for the books, Middlesbrough were relegated from the Premier League after getting themselves steam-rollered by Chelsea on Monday night.

The result, coupled with a season of lamentably insipid displays, appears to have taken it's toll on Boro's homegrown captain, 24-year-old defender Ben Gibson, who was understandably beside himself by the end of the evening at Stamford Bridge.

Barcelona: Lionel Messi Shows Off His Truly Enormous Collection Of Swapped Shirts (Photo)

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Lionel Messi has got around a bit over the years and, in doing so, has swapped a vast number of shirts with his fellow pros.

Indeed, the Barcelona icon posted a photo of his heaving collection on Instagram, also revealing that he's had a room of his house specially fitted to house the entirehaul.

‘I Don’t Know What They Are’ – Arsene Wenger Appears To Rule Out Prospect Of Arsenal Hiring Director Of Football (Video)

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Arsenal will not be hiring a director of football at any point in the near future, at least if Arsene Wenger has anything to do with it.

Rumours circulated earlier in the week that the Arsenal board haddiscussed pinching Michael Zorc from Dortmund to operate as a sporting director of sorts.

‘Waiter, I’ll Have A Coca-Cola!’ – Real Madrid Substitutes Caught On Film Mocking Tony Adams Over His Waistcoat Ensemble (Video)

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Not only did Tony Adams have to watch on as his Granada side were rolled overby Real Madrid last weekend, he also had to put up with heckling from the away dugout.

Granada ended up losing 4-0 against Los Blancos, with Adams receiving a trickle of gentle ribbing from the players on Zinedine Zidane's bench during the latter stages.

Crystal Palace Include Mamadou Sakho On ‘Player Of The Season’ Shortlist Despite Him Only Making Eight Appearances

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Crystal Palace have included Mamadou Sakho on the shortlist for their Player of the Season award despite him having only made a handful of appearances for the club.

Since joining Palace on loan from Liverpool in January, Sakho has made just eight appearances a tally that doesn't look like increasing anytime soon thanks to a nasty ankle ligament injurysuffered against Tottenham at the end of April.

Napoli Invite Fans To Contact Striker Arek Milik On Tinder To Help Keep His Pecker Up (Video)

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Napoli are asking their fans to use Tinder to wish striker Arek Milik all the best as he continues to return to full fitness after suffering a ruptured cruciate knee ligament back in October.

On the flimsy premise that Milik is "back in the game", the Serie A club are promoting their new commercial partnership with the dating app by allowingfans to 'swipe right' on the Polish striker's profile in order tosend him supportive messages directly.

‘I Am So Happy For Them’ – Man Utd Boss Jose Mourinho Has Sarcastic Dig At Arsenal Fans After Emirates Defeat (Video)

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In overseeing Arsenal's 2-0 win over Manchester United at the Emirates on Sunday afternoon, Arsene Wenger recorded his first ever competitive victory against a Jose Mourinho team.

Of course, the home fans revelled in the (largely meaningless) feat, and taunted Mourinho about surrendering his flawless record during the latter stages of the game.

FIFA Beach Soccer World Cup: Iran Striker Mohammad Mokhtari Scores Absolutely Audacious Overhead Kick In Third-Place Play-Off (Video)

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Iran made history over the weekend bybecoming Asia's highest ever finishers at the FIFA Beach Soccer World Cup thanks to an emphatic 5-3 victory over Italy in the third-place play-off game.

Mohammad Mokhtari provided the undoubted highlight of the match, putting Iran 3-0 up with a truly outstanding overhead kick from the narrowest angle.

‘Stay Out Of My Business, Okay?’ – Romelu Lukaku Reacts To Spurious Tabloid Transfer Rumour Linking Him With Chelsea And Man Utd

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Romelu Lukaku has taken the unusual step of publicly rubbishing a tabloid transfer rumour linking him with a summer move to Manchester United.

The Sun ran with the supposed news that the Everton striker had privately decided against a returnto Chelsea as he didn't want to be "lumbered with defensive responsibilities" underAntonio Conte's system, ergo leaving United as his preferred destination because they're playing such energetic, dynamic, free-wheeling football at the moment.

Official: N’Golo Kante Crowned 2017 Football Writers’ Association Footballer Of The Year

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Chelsea midfielder N'Golo Kante has been named the FWA Footballer of the Year for 2017.

Kante, who arguably should have won it last year too, pipped Eden Hazard and Dele Alli in the running.

According to the Telegraph, Blues twosome Kante and Hazard collected more than 65% of the journalists' votes, which were spread over a record number of 17 different players.

Serie B: Trapani Goalkeeper Mirko Pigliacelli Sparks Counter-Attack With 80-Yard Cavalry Charge Down Field (Video)

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Fans of unorthodox, unnecessarily risky goalkeeping will no doubtenjoy this sublime little nugget lifted from Sunday's Serie B encounter between Frosinone and Trapani.

After going behind after just 11 minutes, relegation-threatened Trapani found themselves chasing the game for the majority of the afternoon.

Man Utd: Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s Injured Knee Is ‘So Strong’ His Surgeons Want To Use It For Medical Research

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Zlatan Ibrahimovic knee joint is apparently "so strong" that his surgeons have asked to use the Manchester United striker for medical research purposes.

The 35-year-old went under the knife last week after suffering a cruciate ligament injury during United's 2-1 Europa League win over Anderlecht in mid-April.

Arsenal: Arsene Wenger Enjoys First-Ever League Win Over Jose Mourinho As Gunners Beat Man Utd 2-0 (Video)

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Arsenal's kept their slim hopes of a top-four finish alive courtesy of a 2-0 home win against Manchester United at the Emirates on Sunday.

The first-half was a largely dull affair, with United sitting back and hoping to catch the Gunners on the break. Although both Petr Cech and David De Gea were forced into a couple of good saves.

Liverpool: James Milner Misses Penalty As Reds Draw Blank At Home To Southampton (Video)

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James Milner fluffed his lines from the penalty spot as Liverpool failed to solidify their Champions League hopes against Southampton on Sunday, with the game ending goalless.

Overall, the clash was a turgid affair, with Liverpool rarely threatening Saints' goal.

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However, on 66 minutes, the hosts had a gilt-edged chance to take the lead, after Jack Stephens handled the ball in the Southampton box.

Estudiantes Coach Nelson Vivas Tears Off His Shirt In Fit Of Rage After Being Sent To Stands (Video)

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"Grease me up, I'm ready to go"

As you can probably tell from the image above, Estudiantes coachNelson Vivas suffered a miniature meltdown duringlast night's goalless draw with Boca Juniors.

Utterly enraged that the referee didn't give a foul against Boca 'keeper Agustin Rossi, Vivas became embroiled in a 'lively discussion' with the match officials.

Championship: Newcastle Crowned Champions And Blackburn Relegated On Nerve-Shredding Final Day (Photos & Video)

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With the top spot and the final relegation berth still on the line going into the finalmatch, the Championship certainly delivered in terms of last day jitters at both end of the table.

Newcastle were finally crowned champions of a league they were supposed to walk, hammering Barnsley 3-0 while fellow contenders Brighton succumbed to a late equaliser against Aston Villa to finish up in second.

PSG: Marco Veratti Scores Cheeky Long-Range Cracker While Bastia ‘Keeper Checks On Injured Blaise Matuidi (Video)

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PSG kept the pressure in Ligue 1 leaders Monaco on Saturday, courtesy of a thumping 5-0 win against Bastia.

The goal of the game came from Marco Veratti, who scored a cracking long-range effort.

However, the strike was mired in controversy, with the Italian midfielder cheekily catching out Bastia 'keeper Jean Leca, who was actually trying to help up Veratti's injured team-mate, Blaise Matuidi.

League Two: Jeff Stelling Endures Joy And Pain As Hartlepool’s 96-Year Stay In Football League Ends In Dramatic Last-Day Relegation (Video)

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Hartlepool United were dumped out of the Football League on Saturday, after the League Two side suffered heartbreak on a dramatic final day of the season.

Pools needed to beat Doncaster Rovers and hope that Newport failed to beat Notts County to ensure the extension of their 96-year unbroken spell in the Football League.

Bournemouth: Harry Arter Lucky Not To See Red For Horrendous Two-Footed Lunge v Stoke (Video)

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Bournemouth and Stoke will both be playing their football in the top-flight next season after a 2-2 draw at the Vitality Stadium ensured their Premier League survival for another season.

However, the game was marred by an appalling two-footed lunge from Cherries' midfielder Harry Arter, which somehow only resulted in a booking for the midfielder.

Silva Service: Man City Demolish Crystal Palace With Five-Goal Extravaganza At The Etihad (Photos & Video)

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Man City demolished Crystal Palace at the Etihad in the Premier League's early kick-off to move into third place, above Liverpool on goal difference.

With several first-choice centre-backsmissing, Palace's defensive resistance held firm for all ofone minute and 54 seconds.

Indeed, it was David Silva who got things rolling with a smart close-range volley after being set up nicely byMartin Kelly's naffheader.

Embarrassing: TalkSPORT ‘Experts’ Ray Wilkins And Neil Custis Bicker Like Infants Over Marcus Rashford Freekick (Audio)

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Just when you thought British football coverage had reached its nadir, TalkSPORT go and plumb brave new depths of tawdry drivel.

Discussing Manchester United's 1-0 win over Celta Vigo on Alan Brazil's 'Sports Breakfast' radio show on Friday morning, studio guest Ray Wilkins got himself embroiled in a childlike quarrel with Neil Custis, football writer for The Sun, on the other end of the phone.

Celtic: Suave New Home Kit Pays Homage To Lisbon Lions On 50th Anniversary Of Famous European Cup Triumph (Photos)

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Photos: Celtic FC

To mark the 50th anniversary of the European Cup being won by a British club for the very first time, Celtic have used their new 2017/18 home kit to pay homage to their most veneratedline-up, The Lisbon Lions.

The Lions, all but one of whom were born within 10 miles of Celtic Park, beat Inter Milan in the 1967 European Cup final in Portugal to complete an unprecedented quintuple of trophies.

‘Yes, I’ll Be In Charge Next Season’ – Sunderland Fans Rejoice As David Moyes Vows To Honour Contract

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Smashingnews for fans of miserable football being played by miserable people, David Moyeshas all but guaranteedthat he'll be staying on at Sunderland next season.

The Black Catshad their relegation to the Championship confirmed last weekendcourtesy of a dour 1-0 home defeat against Bournemouth, but Moyes insists he retains the backing of owner Ellis Short.

Official: Everton Shore Up Seamus Coleman’s Services With New Five-Year Contract (Photo)

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Currently 41 days into his recovery from a horrific double leg fracture, Seamus Coleman has gone and put pen to paper on a new five-year contract with Everton.

The Irish right-back was all smiles as he sealed the deal,which ties him to the Toffeesuntil the summer of 2022 and ensures that he now earns more per week than the club originally paid to sign him from Sligo Roverseight years ago (£60,000).

Retro Football: Alan Ball Drops Monumental Clanger That Sees Man City Relegated From Top Flight, 1996 (Video)

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'Twas on this day in 1996 that Man City manager Alan Ball suffered a fateful instance ofnominative determinism by dropping a bollock so dense and decisive that it ultimately saw his side jettisonedfrom what was then known as the Premiership.

Having left Southampton in slightly acrimonious circumstances to take over at City the summer previous, cruel fate subsequently ensured that Ball found himself vying against his old team as the 1995/96 relegation battle went down to the wire.

Europa League: Marcus Rashford Stunner Fires Man Utd To First Leg Victory In Spain (Video)

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A superb Marcus Rashford free-kick gave Manchester United a deserved 1-0 win away to Celta Vigo in their first legt Europa League semi-final clash on Thursday.

The Red Devils created enough chances in the first-half to put the game to bed, only for Celta Vigo 'keeperSergio Alvarez to thwart Rashford, Henrik Mkhitaryan and Jesse Lingard.

Bottle Job: Gianluigi Buffon Lends His Name To New Range Of Personalised Red Wine (Photo)

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Joining contemporaries Andres Iniesta and Andrea Pirlo, Gianluigi Buffon has lent his name to a new range of wine.

The snappy red is being knocked out by the good people at Fabio Cordella wines, who also produce a special line of grape juice with Wesley Sneijder's name on the bottle.

Photo: Gianluigi Buffon/Facebook

Buffon's signature wine isn't available to purchase quite yet, but the Juventus goalkeeper unveiled the project on Facebook today.

NASL: San Francisco Deltas Goalkeeper Romuald Peiser Proposes To Girlfriend On Pitch Before Kick-Off (Video)

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San Francisco Deltas goalkeeper Romuald Peiser took an unnecessary risk of a very different kind when he proposed to his girlfriend on the pitch before Sunday's NASL fixture against New York Cosmos.

The 37-year-old Frenchman escorted his partner, Taylor, to the centre-circle and proceeded to get down on one knee.

Serie B: Something Strange Is Happening Down At The Bottom Of Italy’s Second Tier

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Photo: @ACPisa1909/Twitter

The grand football lineage is chock full of strange quirks, though there is currently a statistical anomaly down at the bottom of the Serie B table that may well be a first.

After drawing 0-0 against Bari at the weekend, AC Pisa were rooted atthe very foot of Italy's second tier.

Shit Lookalikes: Kamil Grosicki & Steve McDonald (From ‘Coronation Street’)

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Congratulations are due to Hull City midfielder Kamil Grosicki, who has just been voted PFA Premier League Player of the Month for April.

| Congratulations to @HullCity's @GrosickiKamil, who is the PFA Fans' Premier League #POTM for April! pic.

Everton: Ronald Koeman Tells Catalan Newspaper He Harbours Dreams Of Coaching Barcelona One Day

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Everton bossRonald Koeman has told a Catalan newspaper that he still harbours dreams of returning to Barcelona as manager some day.

With Luis Enrique stepping down at the end of the season, speculation is rife as to who will inherit his Barca team with Koeman's name regularly cropping up in discussion.

Galactico Gold: Guti Plays In Zidane With Exquisite Back-Heel Through Ball As Real Madrid Spank Sevilla, 2006 (Video)

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The year was 2006, and with mid-January temperatures ebbing down towards freezingand a light flurry of snow in the air conditionsdescribed by Elmundo Deportes as an "unpleasant night for a very attractive party" Real Madrid, in full 'Galactico' pomp, welcomed Sevilla to the Bernabeu.

It took the hosts just six minutes to open the scoringwhen Guti wafted into the 18-yard box to steer a low Zinedine Zidane cross past Andres Palop.

Champions League: Gonzalo Higuain Brace Fires Juventus To Deserved Win In Monaco (Video)

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Juventus produced a superb display at the Stade Louis II on Wednesday night, battlingto a deserved 2-0 first leg win against Monaco.

Monaco have enjoyed a superb season, with a Ligue 1 title within touching distance, and theystarted well, with wonder-kid Kylian Mbappe going closeon two occasions.

Liverpool To Rename Anfield’s Centenary Stand In Honour Of Kenny Dalglish

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Liverpool have announced that they are to bestow Kenny Dalglish with the highest honour any football club can give one of their alumni, by renaming one of the stands at Anfield in his honour.

As part of the Reds' ongoing 125th anniversary celebrations, owner John Henry has decided to rename the Centenary Stand (opposite the Main Stand) in honour ofthe "unique contribution"Dalglish has made over the years.

Torino: Idiotic Vandals Deface ‘Superga’ Memorial On Eve Of 68th Anniversary Of Tragic Plane Crash (Photo)

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Photo: Toro.it

In truly appalling news, vandals believed to be of the Juventus persuasion have defaced the monument in Turin that stands in tribute to the 'Grande Torino' team that was killed in the Superga plane crash of 1949.

The tragic accident, which occurred while Torino were flying back from Lisbon after playing Benfica in a friendly, claimed the lives ofevery member of Torino's famous post-war side.

Everton: Aaron Lennon Receiving Treatment For ‘Stress-Related Illness’ After Being Detained Under Mental Health Act

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Everton winger Aaron Lennon has been detained under the Mental Health Act after police were called to an incident in Manchester over the weekend.

According to the Guardian, Lennon was taken to hospital on Sunday after police officers assisted him on a busy road in Salford.

A statement fromGreater Manchester police read:

Police were called at around 4.

Mexico: Lobos Prepas Striker Celebrates Goal By Hurling Himself Face-First Into Perimeter Fence (Video)

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As goal celebrations go, the stunt performed by Lobos Prepa striker Ricardo Alves is going to take some beating in the "needlessly painful" stakes.

After opening the scoring in the second half of his side's recent Mexican third-tier game against Mamut, Alves went charging over to the perimeter fence and simply hurled himself into it.

Serie A: Pescara Midfielder Sulley Muntari Given One-Match Ban For Protesting Against Racist Abuse

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The Sulley Muntari debaclehas concluded in suitably ridiculousfashion after the Pescara midfielder was handed a one-match banfor protesting against the racist abuse he received during a recent game against Cagliari.

Muntari was originally booked for asking the referee to stop the match, then shown a second yellow for walking off the pitch in the 89th minute having been abused by a group of Cagliari fans for the majority of the match.

Official: Nigel Reo-Coker Leaves Granada To Sign For Norwegian Side IK Start (Photo)

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Photo: IK Start (via @SquawkaNews/Twitter)

Alas, Nigel Reo-Coker will play no further part in Tony Adams' experimental revolution at Granada after signing a short-term deal with Norwegian top-flight side IK Start.

The 32-year-old midfielder was officially unveiled as a Start player on Wednesday morning and, according to the club's website, is likely to make his debut on the same day by playing some part in tonight's reserve team cup match against Flew.

FA Confirm ‘Sin Bins’ Will Be Trialled In English Lower Leagues As Of Next Season

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Please feel free to enjoy this photo of a referee brandishing a yellow card

The FA have confirmed that they plan to trial 'sin bins' in the lower bouts of the English football league as of next season.

Officially referred to as "temporary dismissals", the experimental rule change will allow referees to punish players for dissent-related infringements by making them leave the field for 10 minutes.

‘This Will Be His Last Year’ – Roma Loyalist Francesco Totti To Retire And Move Upstairs After 25 Years On The Factory Floor

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It's been announced that, at the grand old age of 40, Roma icon Francesco Totti will be bowing out at the end of the current season.

The news was broken, perhaps prematurely, by the Giallorossi's freshly-hired sporting directorRamon 'Monchi' Rodriguez, who spake thus while discussing his new job:

In terms of Totti, I already knew that there was an agreement with the club that this would be his final year as a player, then he'd start as a director.

Champions League: Cristiano Ronaldo Nets Magnificent Hat-Trick As Real Outclass Atletico At The Bernabeu (Video)

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Cristiano Ronaldo netted an outstanding hat-trick to fire Real Madrid to a thoroughly comprehensive 3-0 Champions League first-leg victory against rivals Atletico at the Bernabeu.

Real took the lead after just 10 minutes, with the 32-year-old Ronaldo rising above Stefan Savic to head home from a Casemiro centre.

Puma Re-Release Iconic ‘Super Atom’ Boot, 65 Years After Original Design Was Put Into Production (Photos)

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Rudolf Dassler (left) demonstrates the new Super Atom, 1952 (Photo: Puma)

The Super Atoms were the first ever football boots to feature screw-in studs when they were originally produced in 1952.

As designedby Puma founder Rudolf Dassler, the Super Atom was developed in collaboration with an array of experts including Sepp Herberger, who was West Germany's national coach at the time.

Adidas Revisit Classic ‘Champagne’ Predator Colourway To Coincide With David Beckham’s 42nd Birthday (Photos)

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To coincide with David Beckham's 42nd birth anniversary, Adidas have revisited one of the most coveted colourways to have adorned their Predator boots over the years.

Indeed, Adidas have launched a new 'Champagne Pack', which features a contemporary re-working of the classic off-white, sparkly boots worn by Beckham during his heyday.

Man Utd: Zlatan Ibrahimovic Undergoes Successful Surgery On Cruciate Ligament Injury, Confirms It’s Not A Career-Ender

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Zlatan Ibrahimovic has undergone surgery on the knee injury he sustained against Anderlecht in the Europa League last month.

The Manchester United striker collapsed in heap after landing awkwardly and was later found to have suffered cruciate ligament damage.

However, word emanating from the Ibrahimovic camp seems to suggest that, having travelled to the United States for an operation, the 35-year-old is now on the mend.

‘I Needed To Set An Example’ – Pescara Midfielder Sulley Muntari Gives Shirt To Youngster Who Racially Abused Him

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As you may recall, Pescara midfielder Sulley Muntari somehow managed to wind up with a booking after attempting to report racist abuse to the referee during Sunday's Serie A game against Cagliari.

The Ghanaian was taunted bya group of Cagliari fans throughout the match andeventually left the pitch in protest, but only after being cautioned for dissent by Daniele Minelli, the unmoved match official.

‘It’s An Unfathomable Mystery’ – Vojvodina Captain Nikola Antic Leaves Pitch In Tears After Being Sent-Off For No Apparent Reason (Video)

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Photo: Betaphoto/Branislav Bozic/EV (via Sportske)

There were baffling scenes in the Serbian top flight over the weekend, specifically during the latter stages of FK Vojvodina's 2-0 defeat against Red Star Belgrade.

Indeed, as the game ticked over into the 70th minute, Vojvodina were relieved of their captain when left-back Nikola Antic was shown a straight red card for no immediatelyapparent reason.

Shit Lookalikes: Fraser Forster & Trap Jaw (From ‘He-Man’)

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One's a big, lumbering, lantern-jawed oaf withrobotic reflexes and a violent look in his eyes and the other is... well, you get the picture.

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Drop us a line at waatpies@gmail.com and we'll gladly give it shufyt.

Serie A: Pescara Midfielder Sulley Muntari Booked After Reporting Racist Abuse To Referee

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Pescara midfielder Sulley Muntari walked off the pitch in disgust after claiming to have been racially abused during the final minutes of Sunday's Serie A game against Cagliari.

The 32-year-old Ghanaian was actually booked by the referee after attempting to report the abuse, prompting the former Portsmouth player to leave the pitch in protest in the 89th minute of Pescara's 1-0 defeat.

‘That Is The Best Goal I’ve Ever Scored’ – Emre Can Nets Outrageous Bicycle Kick As Liverpool Win Scrappy Clash At Watford (Video)

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Emre Can scored a definite contender for goal of the season on Monday night, as Liverpool battled to a 1-0 win away at Watford to keep their top four hopes very much alive and kicking.

Overall, the game at Vicarage Road was a poor affair, not helped by the loss of an injured Philippe Coutinho early on.