Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2016

Thai Company Build World’s First Non-Rectangular Football Pitches In Bangkok (Photos & Video)

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Image via Designboom

With space at a premium, urban designers in Thailand have come up with an ingenious way of filling empty lots with little football pitches scattered hither and thither.

However, due to the cluttered, asymmetrical and densely populated nature of the layout in the Khlong Toei neighbourhood of Bangkok, the pitches had to be modified ever so slightly in order to utilise the small pockets of space on offer.

OGC Nice: Mario Balotelli Subbed Off At Half-Time During Krasnodar Defeat Because He Had Sore Throat

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OGC Nice coach Lucien Favre revealed that he substituted Mario Balotelli at half-time of his side's Europa League defeat against Krasnodar was suffering from a sore throat.

Balotelli scored with a smart finish just a few minutes before the break but was replaced by Alassane Plea at the break after failing to shake off his game-ending bout of sniffles.

‘One Day If I Am Free, Why Not?’ – Arsene Wenger Flirts With The Idea Of Taking The England Job

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Ever the coquettish flirt, Arsene Wenger has hinted that he may possibly perhaps be open to the idea of one day taking the England job at some undetermined point in the future.

With his Arsenal contract due to expire next summer and a renewal of terms still far from concrete, the FA are reportedly keen to sit down with Wenger andconvince him to ditch the Gunners and try something newafter recently finding themselves with a vacancy to fill.

England Players Receive Adorable Little Congratulatory Postcards From Sam Allardyce Two Days After His Resignation (Photo)

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England squad members received a curious little keepsake on Thursdayin the shape of an adorable little personalised postcard.

Personally signed by Sam Allardyce, each player was sent a card to congratulate them for being a part ofEngland's win over Slovakia and thus get Big Sam's reign off to a winning start.

Retro Football: Marinho Celebrates His Only Goal For Brazil With Super Funky Jive, 1986 (Video)

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Marinho and a photo of himself,bottom left, as part of the 1986 Brazil team(Photo: O Curioso)

There was a time whenMario Jose dos Reis Emiliano ('Marinho' to his friends) was considered one of the very best, most exciting players in Brazilian football.

Marinho'speak came during what proved to be the last flush of prominence for his club at the time, Bangu Atletico Clube, as they finished runners-up in Serie A in the 1985/86 season and their fleet-footed right wingerended the campaign with the Golden Ball award, given to the best player as decided by Placarmagazine.

Europa League: Ex-Liverpool Dud Mario Balotelli Nets Fifth Goal in Four Games For Nice (Video)

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Mario Balotelli's resurgence continues, with the ex-Liverpool and Manchester City man getting on the scoresheet again for new club Nice, this time in their Europa League Group I clash with Russian side FC Krasnodar.

With the Russian side 2-0 up, Balotelli got one back for Nice just before the break, via another fine finish.

History: Dundalk Become First Irish Club To Win Europa League Group Game After 1-0 Victory v Maccabi Tel-Aviv (Video)

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ACiarán Kilduff goal secured an historic win for Dundalk in Tallaght on Thrusday night, with the sub's goal firing the League of Ireland champions to a 1-0 win againstMaccabi Tel-Aviv. Courtesy of that strike, Dundalk became the first Irish side in history to secure a Europa League group stage victory.

Reports: The FA Want To Make Arsene Wenger The Next England Manager

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As you may have heard, England were all of a sudden relieved of their manager earlier this week when Sam Allardyce stepped down.

Under-21s boss Gareth Southgate has stepped manfully into the gaping maw for the time being, agreeing to take charge for the senior side's next four fixtures against Malta, Slovenia, Scotland and Spain respectively.

Champions League: Theo Walcott Nets Brace As Arsenal Stroll To 2-0 Win Over Basel (Photos & Video)

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Could this be the season that Theo Walcott finally lives up to the hype, a decade after the youngster was hailed as England's next big thing? On Wednesday night at the Emirates, the winger was in scintillating form for Arsenal, with the Gunners strolling to a 2-0 victory against Basel.

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Midfielder Granit Xhaka faced his older brother Taulant in this Champions League matchday two clash, but it was the Arsenal man who would come out on top after a fine team performance from the hosts.

Something Tells Us Nathan Thomas Might Win Hartlepool’s September ‘Goal Of The Month’ Competition

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The votes are yet to be counted but we've got a sneaking suspicion that Nathan Thomas might emerge as the winner of Hartlepool United's latest Goal of the Month competition.

The wingerhelped himself tofive goals over the course of the month and funnily enough all of them have found their way into the running for the League Two club's September poll.

Newcastle: Dramatic Comeback Win Over Norwich Causes Rafa Benitez To Levitate In Mid-Air (Photo)

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Despite being 3-2 down as the clock ticked over into the 94th minute, Newcastle somehow still managed to wrangle a victory out of last night's Championship blow-out against Norwich at St James' Park.

A 95th-minute equaliser from Yoan Gouffran was swiftly followed by a manic 96th-minute winner from Dwight Gayle, with the mood inside the stadium perhaps best described as 'ecstatic' as the final whistle sounded almost immediately thereafter.

FA Forced To Bin Thousands Of Sam Allardyce Quote T-Shirts They Planned To Give Away At Wembley

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Due to recent occurrences, the FA have been forced to ditch 4,000 t-shirts they were planning to give away to England fans at Wembley.

Indeed, the FA were hoping to stage a grand "homecoming celebration" for Sam Allardyce's first home game at Wembley against Malta next week, but have now shelved their plans for reasons we're hoping are abundantly obvious.

Golden Boy Award: Marcus Rashford, Alex Iwobi And Dele Alli Join Host Of Premier League Younglings On Prestigious Shortlist

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Marcus Rashford, Alex Iwobi and Dele Alli are among a host of Premier League starlets to have found their way onto the Golden Boy award shortlist for 2016.

Despite the slightly naff name, the Golden Boy is deemed to be aprestigious award,with the annual shortlist comprising of the 40 best players under the age of 21 (and registered at European clubs) according to Italian newspaper Tuttosport.

Presenting: The Entire First Series Of Danny Dyer’s ‘The Real Football Factories’ Condensed Into 60 Seconds (Video)

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For the uninitiated, The Real Football Factories was a documentary series that first aired on Bravo in 2006 that saw actor Danny Dyer (Cockney for hire) travelling around Britain to meet and mingle with some of football's most notorious hooligan firms.

Dyer did his best to integrate with these nutters by presenting himself to them as a 'pwopa nawty' boozed-up street urchin while all the while giving off the air perhaps literally, we'll never know of a man desperately attempting to keep his trembling apprehension concealed.

Champions League: Moussa Dembele Scores Dazzling Overhead Kick As Celtic And Man City Duke Out Six-Goal Thriller (Video)

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Moussa Dembele scored twice as Celtic held Man City ina rollicking 3-3 draw in the Champions League, though the 20-year-old striker'ssecond goal of the night was certainly more impressive than his first at least from a technical standpoint.

Having put the Bhoys ahead in the third minute by deflectingErik Sviatchenko's diving header in from close range with his chest, Dembele edged the home side ahead again just three minutes into the second half with an inspired piece of off-the-cuff athleticism.

Association Of Football Agents Call For Worldwide Reform Of Transfer System In Wake Of Sam Allardyce Bung Sting

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"So basically, if you complain loudly enough they'll usually chuckin a few free spring rolls..." (Image: The Telegraph)

The Association of Football Agents (AFA) have called for a worldwide reform of the regulation of agents in the wake of the bung sting that cost Sam Allardyce the England manager's job earlier in the week.

Reports: Eight Other Premier League Managers Accused Of Being Open To ‘Illicit Bungs’

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As part of the continued fallout of the Telegraph sting that cost Sam Allardyce the England job, the journalists responsible have divulged that a further eight current and ex-Premier League managers were also open to taking bungs.

The bungs take the form of "illicit player payments" discussed in covertly recorded conversations, with the Telegraph subsequently passing on all relevant transcripts and evidence toboththe FA and to the police.

Barcelona To Wear Unique ‘Glow-In-The-Dark’ Third Kit For First Time Against Borussia Monchengladbach (Photos)

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Barcelona are set to wear their new luminescent third kit for the very time in tonight'sChampions League clash againstBorussia Monchengladbach.

As well as being made from 16 recycled plastic bottles, the turquoise strip actually gives off a faint glow, designed to "naturally highlight the players underneath the floodlights" during night games.

‘Entrapment Has Won And I Have To Accept That’ – Sam Allardyce Faces Press For First Time Since England Dismissal (Video)

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Sam Allardyce has spokendirectly to the press for the first time since he was mutually sacked as England manager on Tuesday night.

Door-stepped outside his house in Bolton, the 61-year-old aireda few parting thoughts before darting off on holiday.

Asked if it would be his last job in management, Allardyce replied:"Who knows?

A Timely Salute To 5 Football Managers Who Got Themselves Sacked In Style

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With the curious, if slightly tame, tale of Sam Allardyce dominating the back pages at the moment, Pies thought we'd herald five managerial employees who had the good grace to get themselves sacked with a bit of panache.

By which, of course, we mean illicit drug use, going AWOL, fighting, more fighting and a spectacular feat of petty theft.

Champions League: Marcel Desailly Films Kamil Glik’s Stunning Late Equaliser v Bayer Leverkusen From Side Of Pitch (Video)

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A Champions League winner himself with both Marseille and AC Milan, French legend Marcel Desailly certainly enjoyed himself during Monaco's 1-1 draw with Bayer Leverkusen in Monte Carlo.

Working as a pundit on the game, former Chelsea star Desailly was filming himself on the sidelines when, in injury time, centre-halfKamil Glik fired home a cracking injury time equaliser.

Champions League: Thomas Delaney Scores Swerving Stunner For Copenhagen v Brugge (Video)

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On a busy Champions League Tuesday, Thomas Delaney scored the undoubted goal of the night, with the FC Copenhagen midfielder launching an exquisite curling belter into the top corner of the Club Brugge net.

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Delaney'sgoal came in his side 4-0 home win against Brugge came on 64 minutes, with the hosts already a goal ahead.

Reports: Mesut Ozil To Pen New Five-Year Deal With Arsenal And Take Jack Wilshere’s No. 10 Shirt

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Mesut Ozil is set to sign a bumper new five-deal withArsenaland in doing so take the club's coveted No. 10 shirt away from Jack Wilshere. That's according to German outlet Sport Bild who claim the deal will be announced imminently.

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With Ozil, who starred in Arsenal's 3-0 mauling at the weekend, will be out of contract at the Emiratesin 2018, the club have been working hard to tie down their star playmaker to a new deal.

Official: Sam Allardyce Resigns As England Manager

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It's been confirmed that Sam Allardyce has resigned his position as England manager in the wake of the bartering scandal that has enveloped him over the past day or so.

The FA can confirm that Sam Allardyce has left his position as @England manager.

Derby Suspend Nigel Pearson ‘Pending Investigation’ As Championship Strugglers Prepare To Sack Their Manager

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Derby County have announced that the club have suspended manager Nigel Pearson pending an internal investigation.

Currently hovering just one point off the bottom of the Championship after a dreadful start to the season, Derby made the call to suspendPearson just a few hours before tonight's game against Cardiff.

Leicester City: Jamie Vardy Used To Mix Skittles With Vodka And Then Wonder Why His Injuries Wouldn’t Heal Properly

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This may come as a shock to some, but Jamie Vardy wasn't always the erudite pillar of professionalismhe is today.

In fact, back during his earlydays atLeicester City, the young strikerplucked from the non-leagues was actually quite slovenly.

As revealed in his new autobiography, Vardy confesses that he used to have problems recovering from injuries.

The FA To Investigate New England Manager Sam Allardyce Over ‘£400,000 Deal’ Newspaper Sting

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He's only been in the job for five minutes and already the FA are investigating claims that Sam Allardyce used his role as England manager to pocket £400,000 in return for advice on how to work around FA player transfer rules.

The Telegraph report that they stung Allardyce in August before he'd even conducted his first training session as England boss by filming him negotiating a deal with a Far East firm looking to profit from the Premier League's transfer market.

Roma Icon Francesco Totti Turns 40, Receives Special Birthday Message From Lionel Messi (Video)

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Currently embarked on his 24thtour of duty with Roma, today is the day that Francesco Totti officially becomes a card-carrying member of 'The 40 Club'.

Having already maintained his phenomenal run of having scored in the last 23 consecutive Serie A seasons with a 93rd-minute winner against Sampdoria a few weeks back, Totti received a fitting herald from the only employers he's even known.

Retro Football: 12-Year-Old Erik Lamela Interviewed On Trans World Sport (Video)

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Another little footballing curio for you here in the shape of an archive interview with a young Erik Lamela, long before he was the shaven and shorn, rabona-pinging goddess you see afore ye.

It was Trans World Sport that caught up with Lamela as a prodigious, ponytailed 12-year-old knocking about on the streets of Buenos Aires.

Reports: Sam Allardyce Set To Be Sacked As England Manager By ‘Extremely Disturbed’ FA Chiefs

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Having only taken up the post 67 short days ago, it's being reported that Sam Allardyce is "set to be sacked" as England manager following accusations he used his position to barter over a £400,000 deal to advise a Far East firm on how to circumvent the FA's rules on player transfers.

The Times, whose chief football writer Henry Winter has reliable sources inside the England camp, reckon that the FA are gearing up to fire Allardyce.

Last Laugh: Ex-Swansea Defender Chico Flores Responds To Sam Allardyce And His Alleged Dodgy Dealing (Photo)

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After laying dormant for two long years, ex-Swansea defender Chico Flores has finally seen the man who once so cruelly besmirched his good nature at Upton Park get his long-overdue comeuppance.

Back in February of 2014, Flores was caught up in an aerial tangle with Andy Carroll in which the burly West Ham striker savagelybludgeoned the Spanish full-back to the floor.

FIFA Disband Anti-Racism Taskforce After Declaring Its Mission To Be ‘Completely Fulfilled’

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FIFA have disbanded their anti-racism taskforce after declaringthe mission a complete success.

The taskforce was established by Sepp Blatter in 2013 and in just three short years has totally ended the blight of racism in football.

In a message written to members serving on the force, FIFA proudly announced that the grouphas"completely fulfilled its temporary mission" and as such "is hereby dissolved and no longer in operation.

FC Santa Claus Suffer Rough Week In Finnish Third Division, Forced To Play Three Goalkeepers At Once

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Photo: Copa90

If you thought your football teamendured a rubbish weekend then go ahead and spare a thought for everybody's favourite Lapland-based, Christmas-themed club, FC Santa Claus.

Facing a tough away encounter against AC Kajaani in the Kakkonen (the third-tier of the Finnishleague system), Santa Claus prepared in the worst way possible losing several players to injury and turning up with a matchday entourage of just 11 men.

The Black-And-White Years: 10 Corking Vintage Photos Of Dogs At Football Matches

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Barring the odd canine pitch invasion now and again, the sight ofdogs in attendanceat professional football matches islargely a thing of the past due to health and safety regulations, etc, etc.

However, there was a time when a man(women weren't invented back then) could bring his best friend to the game and nobody would bat an eyelid.

Who’d Have Thunk It? ‘Eleven’ From Stranger Things Is A Liverpool Fan (Photo)

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Roberto Firmino should probably start keeping an eye out because it would appear that Liverpool have a new No.11 on their hands.

Indeed, Millie Bobby Brown, who plays 'Eleven' on Netflix's supremely successful 1980s-flavoured sci-fi hit 'Stranger Things', has nailed her colours to the mast.

Scottish Premiership: Ex-Tottenham Starlet Souleymane Coulibaly Scores Long-Range Wonder-Strike For Kilmarnock v Celtic (Video)

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While Souleymane Coulibaly failed to make the grade with Tottenham back five years ago, the Ivorian striker ismost definitely making a name for himself north of the border. The 21-year-old has netted four goals in seven games for Kilmarnock this season, with his latest against Celtic on Saturday, a stunning effort.

Man-Eating Fish Takes To Pitch As Half-Time Entertainment At Derby County Takes A Turn For The Weird (Video)

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With the score locked a 0-0 at the break, fans attending Derby's home game against Blackburn yesterday were snapped out of their torpor by a truly surreal bout of half-time 'entertainment'.

Indeed, it was at this point that a giant inflatable fish wearinga basketball vest came flailing out onto the pitch and proceeded to eat one of Derby's goalkeeping coaches, only to barf him back up in a state of undress.

WSL: Man City Women Stroll To First-Ever Title Without A Single Defeat In 15 Games

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While Pep Guardiola's Man City men already look favourites to win the 2016/17 Premier League title, the club's women's team sealed their first-ever WSL title after beating Chelsea 2-0 on Sunday.

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An own-goal from Chelsea captain Katie Chapmanfollowed by aToni Duggan penalty secured the Citizens' their 12th win in 15 games this season and thus sealed their place at the top of the WSL table, an unassailable 10 points clear of the Blues.

Liverpool: Jurgen Klopp Can’t Bear To Watch James Milner’s Penalty Kick As Reds Thrash Hull At Anfield (Video)

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Liverpool moved into the top four after a superb, energetic display against Hull at Anfield on Saturday, which saw Jurgen Klopp's in-form side bulldoze Hull 5-1.

Adam Lallana put the Reds 1-0 up before, on the half-hour, James Milner had a chance to double Liverpool's advantage from the penalty spot, after Ahmed Elmohamady had handled in the box.

Jamie Vardy Launches Expletive-Heavy Rant At Ref Mike Dean As Man Utd Batter Leicester At Old Trafford (Video)

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With Wayne Rooney condemned to the bench by Jose Mourinho, Manchester United produced a superb display against reigning champions Leicester on Saturday.

Paul Pogba finally got his first goal for the Red Devils in the 4-1 rout but while the hosts were reveling in the victory, Foxes' striker Jamie Vardy was a rather vexed chap,aiming one particularly expletive tirade at referee Mike Dean.

FIFA Ask Russian Fans To Vote For 2018 World Cup Mascot From Three Equally Uninspiring Options

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Image: @FIFAWorldCup/Twitter

FIFA have opened the onlineballotfor the 2018 World Cup mascot, with the good people of Russia now able to vote which anthropomorphic animal they want to represent their home tournament.

The field is hardly what you might call diverse, with fans able to vote for, A) a cutesy cartoon tiger, B) a cutesy cartoon cat, or,C) a cutesy cartoon wolf.

Liverpool: Mamadou Sakho Attempts To Muscle Back Into First Team Picture By Moaning About Being Dropped On Snapchat

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Mamadou Sakho has done his chances of ever playing for Liverpool again the power of good by openly complaining about his lack of first-team football on social media.

Having been dropped by Jurgen Klopp and sent home from the Reds' pre-season tour of the US for generally pratting about, Sakho is currently in limbo at Anfield after falling out of favour and struggling to come to terms with his deployment in the reserve ranks this season.

Arsenal: Mesut Ozil Gives Jersey To Stunned And Starstruck Young Fan After Gunners Demolish Chelsea At Emirates (Video)

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In the week in which Arsene Wenger celebrates 20 years in charge at Arsenal (the anniversary isn't officially until October 1st), the Gunners produced an outstanding performance against their west London nemesis Chelsea, thumping the Blues 3-0.

After the game, one of Arsenal's chief architects in the resounding victory, Mesut Ozil, made a young fans day by giving him his shirt, with the boys' reaction utterly heartwarming.

FAIL: Uzbekistan U16 ‘Keeper Scores From Own Box After Highly Dodgy Theatrics From North Korean Goalie (Video)

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During the U16 Asian Football Confederation Championship clash between Uzbekistan and DPR Korea, Uzbek 'keeperJasurbek Umrzakov scored an incredible goal from inside his own box. However, ridiculous theatrics from his North Korean opposite number points to something rather dodgy in action.

Youngster Umrzakov's punt flies over the head of Korean 'keeperGK Jang Paek Ho who is inexplicably miles outside of his own box.

Sporting Gijon Defender Douglas Suffers Strange Buttock Injury After Falling Asleep In ‘Uncomfortable Position’ On Team Bus

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Barcelona right-back Douglas has done himself no favours in his attempt to shed his reputation as a perma-crock after managing to succumb to injury in his sleep.

The Brazilian, who is currently on a season-longloan at Sporting Gijon, has managed just 379 minutes on the pitch for Barca since arriving ahead ofthe 2014/15 season due to a never-ending spateof knacks and knocks.

‘Pure Amateurism’ – Arsenal Legend Thierry Henry Blasted By Ex-Belgium Boss Marc Wilmots Over TV Punditry Role

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Eyebrows were raised when new Belgium boss Roberto Martinez installed Thierry Henry as his number two. That appointment came after the Frenchman had left his coaching role with Arsenal due to a conflict over his TV punditry duties with Sky Sports.

Now, Martinez'spredecessor, Marc Wilmots, has himself hit out at Henry's two jobs.

Emmanuel Adebayor Denies ‘Smoking Cigarette And Asking For Whisky In His Coffee’ During Contract Talks With Lyon

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Emmanuel Adebayor has denied claimsthat he acted like a bit of a berkwhile meeting with representatives from Lyon over a potential move.

Perish the thought!

Adebayor met with Lyon manager Bruno Genesio last week to discuss a move to Ligue 1 but the negotiations fell through at an early stage because the club were not prepared to release the striker for the upcoming Africa Cup of Nations in January.

Man Utd: Wayne Rooney Takes Defiant Stance Over Form Slump, Calls Criticism ‘Load Of Rubbish’

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Stoically refusing to see those ships, Wayne Rooney has taken a defiant position against the flurry of condemnation that has been flung his way of late.

Indeed, the Manchester United man has openly called the criticism of his recent performances as "rubbish".

Talking in an interview with United's official club website, the 30-year-old striker attackerstring-pullingdefensiveholding midfielderwidemanbloke addressed the naysayers thus:

I think I've had that my whole career a little bit more of late, I think, but that's football.

Arsene Wenger Outright Refuses To Respond To Claims Jose Mourinho Once Wanted To ‘Find Him And Break His Face’

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While it's fair to say that the course of the relationship between Jose Mourinho and Arsene Wenger has never run smooth, once vowed to 'break Wenger's face' after the pair clashed during a Premier League game.

The supposed quotes are taken from a new book called 'Jose Mourinho Up Close And Personal' written by Rob Beasley, which is currently being serialised in the Daily Mail.

On This Day In 1995: Leeds Legend Tony Yeboah Smacks One In Off The Wimbledon Crossbar (Video)

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Depressing as it may be, it's 21 years to the day that Tony Yeboah thrust his way into Premier League immortality by rattling one in off the Selhurst Park crossbar with his 'weaker'foot.

Just a few weeks after his 'other' scorcher against Liverpool, Yeboah ended a mini-droughtwith a hat-trick in Leeds' 4-2 win over Wimbledon that included this famously monstrous strike.

Shahdagh Qusar FK: Azerbaijan Club Accuse ’23-Year-Old’ Nigerian Striker Of Actually Being Older Than Their Coach

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Azerbaijani club Shahdagh Qusar FK have had the astonishing front to accuse youngVictor Emenayo, above, of being a full 17 years older than it says on his passport.

The Nigerian, who claims to be 23, only recently made his debut for Qusar but the club are now preparing to drag him front of FIFA after alleging that he may may have falsified his age.

Pioneer: Willem II Midfielder Anouar Kali Has Honour Of Being First Player Sent-Off By New Dutch ‘Video Ref’ System

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Willem II found themselves on the wrong end of a 5-0 panning courtesy of Ajax in the KNVBCup last night, but it wasn't all doom and gloom as midfielder Anouar Kali broke new ground.

The Moroccan became the first ever player to be sent off usingthe Dutch FA's new "video referee" system, which was being implemented for the very first time.

Football Art: Wolves’ Programme Cover For Their Game Against Brentford Is Suitably Epic (Photo)

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Continuing in their quest to put out a season's worth of the most epic programme covers imaginable, Wolves have come up with a cracker (the fifth in aseries of 23) for their next home game against Brentford.

Ahead of the meeting at Molineux this coming Saturday, Wolves have knocked up this little beauty for their Championship clash with The Bees.

Long Haul: Spartak Moscow Fans Travel 5,000 Miles Across Russia For Far-Flung Cup Match

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When the draw for the Russian Cup was made, Spartak Moscow fans must have been overjoyed to find their team pitted againstSKA-Khabarovsk.

For the uninitiated, Khabarovsk are a second-tier team who play their home games along roughly the same line of longitude as J-League stalwarts Gamba Osaka.

Top 10 Classic Admiral Football Kits Of Yesteryear (Photos)

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After watching 'Get Shirty' a great little ITV documentary about Admiral's rise from an obscure Midlands underwear outlet to one of the biggest names in sportswear last night, we though it would be nice to doff our own 'umble caps to their handiwork.

Indeed, to celebrate Admiral's all-too brief run on top, Pies thought we'd herald their pioneering vision by whittling down our Top 10 favourite offerings.

Ex-Man Utd Hero Park Ji Sung Enrols As Student At Leicester De Montfort University

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As of next term, students at Leicester's De Montfort University will have a Champions League winner among their midst in the shape of Park Ji-Sung.

The former Manchester United midfielder will be one of many new students starting a new sports management course at DMU.

According to the Leicester Mercury, Park has enrolled atDMU's International Centre for Sports History and Culture and will be studyingfor aninternational masters degreein the management, law and humanities of sport.

EFL Cup Draw: Man Utd Face Man City, Liverpool Host Tottenham And Chelsea Travel To West Ham In Mouth-Watering Quarter-Final Draw

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Pep Guardiola and Jose Mourinho are set for their second meeting of the season after the EFL Cup quarter-final draw pitched Manchester United and Manchester Cityagainst each other at the Old Trafford.

However, that wasn't the only humdinger thrown upby the draw, with Liverpool set to host Tottenham and Chelsea travelling across London for a right old tear-up with West Ham.

EFL Cup: Christian Eriksen Nets Scorcher As Tottenham Batter Gillingham 5-0 (Video)

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Tottenham booked their place in the quarter-finals of the EFL Cup on Wednesday night, courtesy of a 5-0 White Hart Lane stroll against Gillingham. Christian Eriksen was the star of the show for a mix-and-match Spurs 11, with the Dane's first goal a right cracker.

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It took the hosts until the 31st minute to break down the Gills, but it was worth the wait, with Eriksen thumping a unstoppable long-range swerving rocket into the back of the visitors' net.

Ex-Liverpool Flop Mario Balotelli Nets Second Brace In Two Games To Send Nice Top Of Ligue 1 (Video)

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Coming hot on the heels of a fine brace against Marseille in his first game for Nice, Mario Balotelli made it four goals in two Ligue 1 games on Wednesday night, with the striker netting another double against Monaco.

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Ex-Liverpool flop Balotelli's first of the night was a throroughly classy affair, with the Italian superblytaking a pass in his stride before firing pastDanijel Subasic in the Monaco goal.

Welcome To The East Midlands: Man Utd Forced To Train In Northampton Carpark Ahead Of EFL Cup Match (Photos)

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While it's not quite on par with Galatasaray's infamous 'Welcome to Hell' banner, it would appear that Northampton Town are trying their damnedest to unsettle Manchester United ahead of tonight's EFL Cup tie between the two sides.

Refusing to pander to their esteemed Premier League visitors, the Cobblers' seemed to ensure that circumstances dictated United were forced to warm-up in the hotel car park.

Loan Survivor: Nathaniel Chalobah Finally Makes His Chelsea Debut Four Long Years After Signing

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Other than securing them a spot in the fourth round, Chelsea's elongated 4-2 win over Leicester City in the EFL Cup last night was notable for another, entirely more momentous reason.

With 10 minutes of normal time left, Michy Batshuayi was taken off and replaced by Nathaniel Chalobah...

It looks like Nathaniel Chalobah will be the next man on.

Brondby Fan Receives Life-Saving Brain Tumour Diagnosis After Being Hit In Head By Stray Shot

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A Brondby fan who had the misfortune of beingthwacked in the face by a wayward shot has seen the accident result in a potentially life-saving tumour diagnosis.

In what really is an extraordinary story, David Nielsen was hit in the head by a stray shot from strikerKamil Wilczek that flew into the crowd while Brondby were warming-up before a recent game against Copenhagen back in August.

West Brom Legend Laurie Cunningham Honoured With English Heritage Blue Plaque (Photo)

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Those good people at English Heritage have paid tribute to Laurie Cunningham by giving the former West Brom and Real Madrid player his very own blue plaque.

Blue plaques are bestowed upon people who are deemed to have excelled in their profession and/or made an exceptional cultural impact. Cunningham, of course, fulfils both criteria.

UEFA Undermine Grand Launch Of Euro 2020 Logo By Posting Image On Their Own Website Beforehand (Photo)

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Photo: @UEFAEURO/Twitter

In their very own words, UEFA are crowing that themedia have turned out in force for the grand launch of the new Euro 2020 logoin London today.

Sadly, any keen-eyed members of the press horde will have already been privy to UEFA's latest tournament squiggle after theorganisationwent and published it on their very own website shortlybefore the big unveiling.

EFL Cup: Pitch Invader Enters Arsenal Dugout To Offer Arsene Wenger His Pie Only To Be Escorted Away By Security (Photos)

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Realising that he'd made his way up from London and therefore had probably neversampled a decent pie in his life, a pitch invader hopped over the advertising boards during last night's EFL Cup tie between Nottingham Forest and Arsenal and attempted to hand his steak and onionto Arsene Wenger.

Hard Case: Emile Mpenza Set To Take Legal Action Against Paul Sturrock Over ‘Imaginary’ Viagra Tale

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You may recall, not so very long ago, when we featured a passage from Paul Sturrock's autobiography in which the former Plymouth Argyle manager regaled us with an amusing (if a little stiff) anecdote about former striker Emile Mpenza.

Long assumed to be an urban myth, Sturrock confirmed that, among his long list of injury excuses, Mpenza once refused to attend a Plymouth training session as his Viagra hadn't worn off from the night before.

UEFA Proudly Announce Euro 2020 Is Going To Be One Gigantic, Expensive Pain In The Arse For Fans

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UEFA have spent the morning proudly divulging details of Euro 2020 at a launch event in London.

As per Michel Platini's vision of a pan-continental celebration of football to mark the 60th anniversary of the finals, the tournament will take place in a slew host cities spread out across Europe.

EFL: Cesc Fabregas Bags Brace As Chelsea Secure 4-2 Comeback Win v Leicester (Photos & Video)

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While question marks have been raised over Cesc Fabregas' future at Stamford Bridge, the Spaniard produced a match-winning appearance against Leicester on Tuesday night, helping the Blues to a 4-2 EFL Cup win against the Premier League champions.

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A first-half brace from Shinji Okazaki had put Claudio Ranieri's charges 2-0 up in the game at the King Power stadium.

EFL Cup: Granit Xhaka Scores Another Long-Range Thunderbolt As Arsenal Rout Nottm Forest (Video)

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While the presence of Nicklas Bendtner lining out at the City Ground against former club Arsenal was a nice talking point ahead of Nottingham Forest's EFL Cup third round tie, it was the Gunners' summer-signings who would make their mark on the game, with Granit Xhaka netting another long-range effort.

German Lower League Goalkeeper Arrested After Conceding 43 Goals In One Game

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Photo: @photosofootball/Twitter

An amateur German goalkeeper found himself led away by policeman after putting in a shift so poor it was quite literally deemed to be criminal.

SV Vonderort 'keeper Marco Kwiotek managed to concede 43 goals in a local derby against rivals PSV Oberhausen, letting in one goal every two minutes on average.

Sunderland Confirm Patrick Van Aanholt Was Removed From Starting Line-Up Against Tottenham Due To ‘Cardiac Test Issues’

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Patrick van Aanholt found himself at the centre of a confusing quandary shortly before Sunderland's game against Tottenham at the weekend when he was removed from the starting line-upjust 15 minutes before kick-off.

Television cameras picked up Van Aanholt's baffled reaction as his replacement, Jason Denayer, was instructed to informthe Dutch left-back that he was being pulled from the team at late notice during the pre-match warm-up.

Man City’s New 2016/17 Third Kit Is A Thing Of Orange And Purple Day-Glo Beauty (Photos)

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While their latestaway kit is an absolute dirge of a thing, Man City's new third strip unveiled by Nike today is a work of psychedelic, day-glo neon beauty.

Rendered in clashing gradient tones of bright orange and purple, the kit is just about as vibrant and flamboyant as some of the football City have been playing under Pep Guardiola this season.

Former Barcelona Striker Javier Saviola Signs For Andorran Minnows FC Ordina

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In what you feel is likely to be the last chapter in his long and nomadicplaying career, ex-Barcelona, Real Madrid and River Plate striker Javier Saviola has signed on for FC Ordina of Andorra.

The 34-year-old actually retired from football back after saying his goodbyes at River Plate in January but was tempted back through a mutual friend of Ordina's club president.

The Outtakes From Peter Brackley’s Pro Evolution Soccer 2 Commentary Are Breathtakingly Hilarious (Audio)

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For many English football fans of a certain vintage, Peter Brackley's voice is synonymous with one thing and one thing only: Football Italia.

However, Channel 4's calciocommentator also lent his dulcet tones to most of the first incarnations of the Pro Evolution Soccer games, from Pro Evo 2 right through to Pro Evo 6 if memory serves.

Ron Atkinson Attempts To Explain Away The Racist Slur That Ruined His Career

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You may have noticed that Ron Atkinsondoesn't tend to getmuchair time as a co-commentator and pundit these days.

This is because, back in 2004, he put a sudden and dramatic end to his own media career by referring to Marcel Desailly as a "thick, lazy n***er".

Big Ron hasn't really lived the slur down since, becoming something of a persona non grata in football broadcasting circles for obvious and perfectly warranted reasons.

Pies Fans, Please Sign This Petition To Get Defibrillators Installed At Every Single Football Club In The UK

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We'd like to take a moment to tell you about a noble petition that may hopefully end up saving the lives of many professional and amateur footballers in the United Kingdom for years to come.

The petition in question was set up by Lia Kellogg who sadly lost her brother in 2011 when he suffered a cardiac arrest and collapsed on the pitch at football training.

Swedish Club AIK Have Their Players Led Out By Group Of Elderly Supporters (Video)

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Over in the Swedish top tier, AIK subbed out their usual child mascots for Sunday'sgame against Gefle IK and instead had their players accompanied out onto the pitch by a group of the club's most elderly fans.

The AIK team was led out by 86-year-old former FIFA president Lennart Johansson, with several other of the club's oldest living members then escorting the players out onto the pitch at the Friends Arena in Stockholm.

Man City: Pep Guardiola Demonstrates Mastery Of English Expletives In Response To Question About Quadruple Ambition (Video)

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As you may have noticed, Man City have got off to a fairly formidable start under Pep Guardiola, who has already transformed his new team from a bloated, lethargic behemoth into a lean, mean 4-0 machine.

Naturally, given their as-yet unblemished start to the season, people are already foreseeing a campaign of total dominance for Pep's men.

‘It Wasn’t Even Going In’ – Chilean Goalkeeper Left Aggrieved After Pitch-Invading Dog Takes Credit For Heroic Save (Video)

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A Chilean goalkeeper has taken umbrage after a dog received plaudits from around the worldfor making a save during the recent third-tier game between Trasandino and Deportes Melipilla.

The footage has proved to be a bit of a viral hit, butTrasandino 'keeper Fabian Cerda wasn't happy to see the canine interloper taking all the credit, especially as the shot wasn't even on target anyway.

Official: Dele Alli Signs Massive New ‘Double Your Money’ Contract At Tottenham (Photo)

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Photo: @SpursOfficial/Twitter

Once again, Tottenham have moved smoothly and swiftly to tie down one of their prized assets, this time securing Dele Alli to a brand new SIX-year deal.

If you're sat there thinking that it doesn't seem like five minutes since Spurs last offered Alli a new contract, that's because they last bumped his salary up just a matter ofmonths ago.

Rangers Suspend Joey Barton For Three Weeks After ‘Heated’ Training Ground Altercation With Teammate

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News from beyond The Wall now with word that Joey Barton has been banned by Glasgow Rangers for the next three weeks after getting caught up in a training ground barney with a teammate.

Itwasreported that Barton was sent home from training last Tuesday after the 34-year-old became embroiled in a "heated verbal exchange" with Andy Halliday and, subsequently, manager Mark Warburton.

Bosnian ‘Keeper Bego Hidic Shown Red Card For Exposing Penis To Jeering Supporters

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Photo: Sports Centre Bosnia

That man there in the slightly blurry, lo-res photo isBego Hidic and he is the goalkeeper for Bosnian second-tier sideNK Slaven Zivinice.

Young Bego also found himself sent off in a recent match against OFK Gradina not for a foul or for violent conduct, though wayward tackle was most definitely involved.

‘Delete’ – Liverpool’s Official Account Hits Back At Cheeky Man Utd Fans On Twitter

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Liverpool's official Twitter account produced a rather scintillating one-word riposte to a jibe from a Man Utd fan account on Sunday, with the Merseysiders' response coming after their Mancunian rivals had lost 3-1 away to Watford.

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'The United Stand' account originally Tweeted Liverpool on Friday after Jurgen Klopps' side had beaten Chelsea at Stamford Bridge, cheekily belittling the Reds' title hopes.

Ex-Arsenal Winger Serge Gnabry Nets Wonder-Volley For Werder Bremen v Borussia Mönchengladbach (Video)

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Many Arsenal fans were perplexed (what's new!) by Arsene Wenger's decision this summer to sell winger Serge Gnabry despite the winger's superb displays for Germany during the summer Olympics. And after seeing the 21-year-old's wonder-strike for Werder Bremen at the weekend, fans of the north Londoners will be even more frustrated.

FAIL: Watford Striker Odion Ighalo Misses Absolute Sitter Of An Open Goal Against Man Utd (Video)

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Desperate to get back on the goal trail after scoring just his third Premier League goal of 2016 last weekend, Odion Ighalo dropped an absolute clanger when presented with an open goal against Manchester United.

With the game goalless at the time, Ighalo found himself stationed right in front of a gaping net with the ball at his feet following a communication breakdown between Chris Smalling and David De Gea.

Troy Deeney Trolls Paul Pogba With Post-Match Dab As Watford Condemn Man Utd To Third Defeat In A Row (Photos & Video)

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Jose Mourinho's star-studded megabucks side suffered their third defeat in a row on Sunday, with the Red Devils deservedly beaten 3-1 by Watford at Vicarage Road.

At the final whistle, Hornets' captain Troy Deeney was understandably delighted with the result and decided to performhis own version of Paul Pogba's trademark dab dance.

Perfection: Galatasaray’s Eren Derdiyok Scores Utterly Stupendous Overhead Kick v Rizespor (Video)

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On Saturday, Eren Derdiyok scored a goal which lit up Galatsaray's Turkish Super Lig clash with Rizespopr, with the magnificent overhead kicksurely a very strong early contender for the goal of the season.

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The wonder-goal came after just six minutes, with Swiss striker Derdiyok nailing a bicycle kick from some way out which rocketed into the back of the Rizespor net.

Arsenal: Granit Xhaka Opens Gunners Account With Long-Range Rocket v Hull (Video)

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Despite being left on the bench once again, Arsenal new-boy Granit Xhaka made the most of his sub appearance against Hull City on Saturday, scoring a magnificent left-footed piledriver as the Gunners beat the 10-man Tigers 4-1 at the KCOM Stadium.

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Alexis Sanchez opened the scoring on 17 minutes for the visitors, getting a touch on a shot from the superb Alex Iwobi.

Schalke Send Amateur Team 50 Crates Of Beer As Compensation For Kind Of, Sort Of Losing Them Their Manager

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Schalke 04 have reportedly sent 50 crates of beer to an amateur club in Germany by way of compensation for effectively losing them their manager.

The Bundesliga side pinchedhead coach Markus Weinzierl from Augsburg this summer, which set off a managerial chain reaction down the leagues that eventually saw Wedeler TSV forced to start the new season with nobody at the helm.

Man City Have Had The Etihad Pitch Covered In Liquid Garlic

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If you've been in the vicinity of the Etihad Stadium recently, there's a good chance you may have noticed a particularly pungent aroma enveloping the place.

This is because Man City have been covering their pitch in liquid garlic of late in an attempt to keep the grass in pristine condition.

Jamie Carragher Pounces On Gary Neville’s Motorbike Selfie With Top Drawer Office-Themed Lookalike (Photo)

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Proving once again that they are Sky Sports' answer to Trev and Simon, the banter-slinging comedy duo of Jamie Carragher and Gary Neville have been at it again.

It all began when Neville, shortly after finishing his shift for Sky atthe Chelsea-Liverpool match last night, posted a photograph on Instagram of himself being ferried back home on the back of a motorbike.

Let’s Hear It (Again) For… Gareth Barry, The Third Man To Join The Premier League 600 Club

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Congratulations are most definitely due to Gareth Barry today on the occasion of his 600th Premier League appearance. A truly outstanding feat, we're sure you'll agree.

Only two players, Frank Lampard (609) and Ryan Giggs (632), have gone beyond the 600 barrier and it's perfectly probable Barry may end up surpassingboth by the end of the season.

Serie A: Joe Hart Speaks Decent Italian At Press Conference, Gets Round Of Applause From Journalists (Video)

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Joe Hart may not have had the smoothest of starts to his loan spell at Torino, with the England 'keeper making a mess of a cross and gifting Atalanta a goal on his Italian debut.

However, on hisbelated official unveiling by Torino on Friday, the Manchester City loanee's impressive attempts at speaking Italian prompted the journalists present to give the goalkeeper a warm round of applause.

Captain Fantastic: Jordan Henderson Nets Stunning Long-Range Strike As Liverpool Beat Chelsea 2-1 At Stamford Bridge (Video)

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Liverpool secured their second big win in London this season, with Jurgen Klopp's Reds adding a 2-1 win at Stamford Bridge to their 4-3 opening day win away at Arsenal.

David Luiz made his first appearances for Chelsea in his second stint with the west Londoners. However, the highlight of the game was Jordan Henderson's goal, with the Liverpool captain producing a sumptuous curling striker which left Blues' 'keeper Thibaut Courtois helpless.

Europa League: Southampton Cruise To Harmonious Victory Despite Charlie Austin And Dusan Tadic’s ‘Silly’ Squabble Over Penalty Duties (Video)

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Southampton got their Europa League campaign off to a raring start with a comprehensive 3-0 victory over Sparta Prague at St Marys on Thursday evening.

Charlie Austin scored twice inside the first half-an-hour before his late replacement,Jay Rodriguez, emerged from the bench to snatch a third in the final minute of stoppage time to secure the Saints a first win under new boss Claude Puel.

Europa League: Mourinho Made To Pay For His General Disregard As Man Utd Seen Off By Feyenoord (Photos & Video)

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"This is not a competition that Manchester United wants. It is not a competition I want, it is not a competition the players want."

Those were the words of one Jose Mourinho on the very eve of United's Europa League opener against Feyenoord on Thursday night.

Indeed, if the subsequent level of performance at De Kuip was anything to go by, it very much looks as though Mourinho is attempting to engineer as swift an exit from Europe's second-tier tournament as is humanly possible.

Crystal Palace: Pape Souare Expected To Make ‘Full Recovery’ After Car Crash But Likely To Be Out For Six Months

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Crystal Palace boss Alan Pardew has confirmed that Pape Souare is on the mend after being cut out of his vehicleand airlifted to hospital last weekend.

Souare was involved in a two-car crash on the M4 motorway last Saturday, just outside Heathrow Airport. The other driver involved escaped with only minor injuries.

‘It Was A Living Hell!’ – Christophe Dugarry Reflects On Life At Barcelona Under Louis Van Gaal

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Photo via Sport.es

Christophe Dugarry has been fondly reminiscing about the ill-fated season he spent as a Barcelona player, describing his truncated stint at the Camp Nou as a "living hell".

The French forward moved to Barca for the 1997/98 season but quickly found that he wasn't regarded particularly highly by then-coach Louis van Gaal, who fieldedhim on just seven occasions.

Retro Football: Andy Cole Poses With AK-47 And Heavy Artillery To Shill For Pepsi Max, 1994 (Photos)

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Andy Cole first cultivated his reputation as a Premier League hotshot at Newcastle United, where he scored 69goals in 86 appearances over the course of his two seasons.

Given his outstanding predatoryprowess, it was only natural that brands were lining up to use his likeness to shilltheir wares.

Hard Truth: Paul Sturrock Reveals Emile Mpenza Once Missed Plymouth Training Because His Viagra Hadn’t Worn Off

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Photos: Popperfoto/Pete Norton/Getty Images

There was a time, just before the *real* money began to roll in, where Manchester City apparently made it their modus operandi to sign a sustained succession of dreadful, goal-shy strikers.

Before the arrival of Robinho changed their fortunes forever, City brought in the likes of Bernardo Corradi, Rolando Bianchi, Valeri Bojinov, Felipe Caicedo, Benjani Mwaruwari, Nery Castillo and so on and so forth all of whom failed to make convincing contributions to the cause.

Tottenham: Kyle Walker Singing The Champions League Anthem Is A Treat For All The Senses (Video)

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Because Tottenham'sofficial Twitter account don't have the rights to use the Champions League anthem, they decided to have Kyle Walker sing it for them ahead of their group stage opener against Monaco last night.

The big game at Wembley didn't exactly go well for Spurs (they lost 2-1 in front of an English record crowd)though the performance looked like a tour de force compared to Walker's full-bodied but almost completely tuneless rendition.

Non-League: Glossop North End Player Trips Referee With Classic Schoolboy Manoeuvre (Video)

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Proving that you can't improve on the classics, the referee for the recent Evo Stik Division 1 North tie between Glossop North End and Ramsbottom FC came a cropper thanks to a superb piece of improvisedplaygroundprankery.

Noticing that the referee was heading backwards in his direction, the Glossop player responsible took time to line himself up, bent down, pretended to tie his laces and just waited for that moment of magic to happen.

Retro Football: Graham Taylor Politely Enquires As To Whether England Are Able To Knock It, 1992 (Video)

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On the occasion of his 72nd birthday, Pies thought we'd offer a humble congratulatory salute to one of our favourite footballing nice guys, the one and onlyGraham Taylor.

Reluctant to swear as if his mother might be listening, Taylor was a naturally gentle man who never quite seemedau fait with the blunt'pubs and clubs'dialect of the oafish Proper Football Men™ surrounding him.

Football Tat: Adidas Want To Sell You This Feyenoord/Man Utd ‘Half-And-Half’ Hoodie (Photo)

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Kudos to Tom Victor over at Joe for bringing this abhorrent monstrosity to our attention.

Just when you thought the trend of merchandise splicing had ended with the abysmal half-and-half replica shirt, a prominent sportswear company foist a brand new plague uponst the world.

Yep. With Feyenoord and Manchester United set to meet in the Europa League tonight, Adidas have gone and produced a special limited edition'half-and-half' hoodie repeat, half-and-half HOODIE for the occasion.

Paulo Di Canio Suspended By Sky Italia After Revealing Infamous ‘Dux’ Mussolini Tattoo On Air

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Sky Italia have suspended Paulo Di Canio from his role as a pundit after the much-traveled former player revealed his Mussolini-revering tattoo live on air.

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The 48-year-old Italian, who played for Sheffield Wednesday, West Ham and Charlton in England as well as managing Swindon and Sunderland, has got himself into hot water before due to his apparent fascist tendencies.

Champions League: Cristiano Ronaldo Scores Dramatic Free-Kick Against Sporting Lisbon, Refuses to Celebrate Against Former Club (Video)

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Love him or loathe him, Cristiano Ronaldo is one hell of a perma-tanned, egotistical world-class footballer. On Wednesday night at the Bernabeu, the Portuguese mega-uber-superstar fired home a suoerb late free-kick to set his side up for a dramatic comeback win against boyhood club Sporting Lisbon.

Champions League: Riyad Mahrez Scores Rasping Free-Kick As Leicester Get Off To Flying Start Against Club Brugge (Video)

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At the time of writing, Leicester City are currently 3-0 up and cruising towards a win in theirfirst ever Champions League encounter.

Mark Albrighton registered the landmarkopener after just five minutes but it was Riyad Mahrez who doubled the lead in spectacular, the Algerian whipping in a beautiful free-kick from the edge of the box on the half-hour mark.

‘Come Closer, I Want You By My Side’ – Lionel Messi Says Some Incredibly Affectionate Things About Andres Iniesta

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Much like Pies, Lionel Messi absolutely worships at the church of Andres Iniesta.

Having grown up alongside him at Barcelona from a young age, Messi has been fortunate to witness the midfielder play week in, week out in all his exquisite, consummate glory and it would appear that the privilege hasn't been lost on the Argentinian superduperstar.

UEFA Appoint New President In Shape Of Slovenian FA Chief Aleksander Ceferin

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UEFA have gone and appointed themselves a brand new funky president in the shape of that bloke up there, Aleksander Ceferin.

Ceferin was confirmed as UEFA's new grand poobah after being fellow candidate Michael van Praag in Wednesday's election.

The 48-year-old Slovenian, who will remain head of his country's Football Association, took 42 of the 55 votes to seal the deal and replace Michel Platini (whatever happened to him?

Retro Football: Remembering The Great Newcastle United Fashion Show Of 1995 (Photos)

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Newcastle United and the state thereof, circa 1995

The year was 1995 and everything was rosy in Newcastle United's garden.

With St James' Park having just been redeveloped into a gigantic all-seater cauldron and a stellar team full of expensive new additions, the Toon were resurgent.

Borussia Monchengladbach Refund Tickets For Water-Logged Man City Tie, Whether Fans Can Stay To Watch Rescheduled Game Or Not

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Borussia Monchengladbach have announced that they are doing the decent thing and refunding every single one of their travelling fansfor yesterday's rained-off Champions League opener against Man City.

The Etihad stadium was besieged by a freak monsoon before kick-off that left the pitch almost completely sodden.

Neymar: Just As Promised, Barcelona Striker Releases Preview Snippet Of His Dodgy Debut Song (Video)

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Just as he threatened earlier in the week, Neymar has given us a preview snippet of the song of his foray into the world of pop music.

Sitting at home at his piano, the Barcelona striker introduces the piece before caterwauling his way through an off-key ballad of sorts.

He seems to be very pleased with it, but we're not overly sure why.

Champions League: Barcelona Condemn Celtic To Heaviest-Ever European Defeat In 7-0 Mauling (Video)

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Facing Lionel Messi, Luis Suarez and Neymar is no picnic for even the best of teams. However on Tuesday night, Celtic, back in the Champions League, found themselves on the end of a right pasting from Barcelona at the Nou Camp, losing 7-0.

Ironically, the defeat, which was the Scottish side's heaviest-ever in Europe, comes in the 50th anniversary season of their famous European Cup triumph in Lisbon.

Champions League: Man City v Borussia Mönchengladbach Called Off After Biblical Showers Flood Etihad (Photos & Video)

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While many parts of the UK were basking in unseasonably sunny weather on Tuesday, Manchester was living up to its rainy image. Indeed, the torrential downpours were so extreme that Manchester City's Champions League clash with Borussia Mönchengladbach had to be called off due to a waterlogged Etihad pitch.

Champions League: Alexis Sanchez Helps Arsenal To Hard-Fought 1-1 Draw v PSG (Photos & Video)

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Arsenal got their Champions League campaign off to a good start, courtesy of a precious 1-1 in Paris. However, the Gunners were fortunate to get anything out of the game against a PSG side who, but for some dismal finishing from Edinson Cavani, would have won comfortably.

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Arsene Wenger left Granit Xhaka, Olivier Giroud and Lucas Perez on the bench while David Ospina started between the posts.

This Again: El Hadji Diouf Claims ‘Jealous’ Steven Gerrard Sabotaged Mario Balotelli’s Progress At Liverpool

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While you may be sat there thinking that Mario Balotelli's failure to bed in at Liverpool was solely due to a heady mix of under-performance and miscommunication, it should be noted that El Hadji Diouf, in his infinite wisdom, has proffered forth an alternative theorem on the matter.

Unsurprisingly, Diouf has pinned the blame squarely on Steven Gerrard, whose"jealousy" saw him stymie Balotelli's progress at Anfield in the interests of remaining top dog himself.

Tottenham: Eric Dier Bumps Up His Earnings With New Five-Year Contract (Photo)

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Photo: @SpursOfficial/Twitter

Eric Dier has become the latest of Tottenham's young fledglings to pledge his long-term future to the club by signing a new five-year deal.

As well as tying him down until 2021, Dier's new deal will reportedly stand to land him around £70,000-a-week.

No wonder he's smiling.

Blind Football: Iran Forward Beats All Five Morocco Defenders To Score Fantastic Goal At Rio Paralympics (Video)

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Image: @rio2016_es/Twitter

Iran beat Morocco 2-0 in the preliminary stage of the blind/visually impaired 5-a-side at the Rio Paralympics over the weekend, with Behzad Zadaliasghari scoring what is almost certain to be one of, if not *the* goal of the tournament.

Picking the ball up out on the left flank, Zadaliasghari made his way inside before jinking his way past all four of Morocco's outfield players with one fleet-footed manouevre.

XI Delicious Photos Of Footballers Enjoying A Nice Bit Of Chocolate

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If only all football/chocolate tie-inwere so cool, eh?

In what is perhaps the most tenuous tie-in we've ever attempted here on Pies, here's XIphotos of football's great and good getting stuck into various chocolatey treats.

After all, what better way to mark 'International Chocolate Day' than revisiting that time Jerzy Dudek painted an Easter egg?

Club Brugge Welcome Leicester City To The Champions League With Personalised Tourist Information Guide (Video)

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"Bonjour, dos cerveza danke schön"

Leicester City's maiden Champions League opponents have taken steps to make the Foxes' tournament debut as pleasant as possible ahead of their first foray into European football since 2001.

Indeed, ahead of Wednesday night's big matchat theJan Breydelstadion, Club Brugge have produced a personalised tourist information guide to their beautiful Belgian town especially for the travelling Leicester contingent.

Everton: Romelu Lukaku Ends Goal Drought With 11-Minute Hat-Trick v Sunderland (Photos & Video)

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Romelu Lukaku netted a quickfire hat-trick against Sunderland on Monday night, as Everton deservedly beat the Black Cats at the Stadium of Light.

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Lukaku last scored for the Toffees back in March, but the Belgian international came back with a bang, ending his 13-game goal-drought by knocking in an 11-minute hat-trick.

Newcastle: Alan Shearer Statue Unveiled Outside St James’ Park Almost A Decade Later Than Scheduled (Photo)

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Almost a decade since it was first commissioned by former Newcastle chairman Freddy Shepherd, the club have finally got round to unveiling a statue of Alan Shearer outside St James' Park.

The five-metre bronze figure apparently cost £250,000 when it was first ordered in 2007, with Shepherd paying for the whole thing outright.

ADO Den Haag Supporters Bombard Feyenoord Fans With Hundreds Of Cuddly Toys Thrown From Upper Tier (Photo & Video)

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Photo via Squawka

As requested before the game, ADO Den Haag fans subjected their Feyenoord counterparts to an onslaught of cuddly toys when the two sides met in the Eredivisie over the weekend.

The bombardment was all in the name of charity, with the Feyenoord fans in question being kids from the local Sophia Children's Hospital in Rotterdam, who collected the toys and took them back to the wards with them.

Crystal Palace Defender Pape Souare Air-Lifted To Hospital After Motorway Crash

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Crystal Palace full-back Pape Souare wasair-lifted to hospital on Sunday afternoonafter being involved in a car crash on the M4 motorway.

According to the Mirror, Souare was involved in a two-vehicle collision at around 12:10pm, just outside Heathrow Airport.

His injuries are not thought to be life-threatening, but he may have gotlucky judging by the mess it made of his Mercedes.

Nike Furnish Andrea Pirlo With Special Wine-Themed Custom Tiempo Boots (Photos)

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Nike have furnished Andrea Pirlo with his very own pair of custom Tiempo boots, boots that were intended to marry his two favourite pastimes: football and loitering around at vineyards.

Having spent his childhood helping out and harvesting grapes in the vineyards of Flero, Italy,Pirlo now owns and operates his very own winery in the region.

Neymar Announces Imminent Launch Of Music Career, Debut Track To Be Released Later This Week

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"I was caught on the ball, with no way out. So I just fell over, baby"

At the behest of quite literally nobody, Neymar has announced that he will be launching his musical career later this week.

Just a few short hours after playing in Barcelona's embarrassing 2-1 defeat against newly-promoted Alaves, Neymar broke the news via his Twitter account.

Uruguayan ‘Keeper Booked After Sarcastically Fetching Stretcher For Time-Wasting Opponent (Video)

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Riled by a time-wasting opponent, one Uruguayan goalkeeper decided to go rogue over the weekend in order to speed up his adversary's recovery from a phantom injury.

Plaza Colonia were trailing 1-0 at home to Rampla Juniors in the Primera Division and desperately chasing an equaliser when the visiting side began to attempt to whittle down the clock.

David Moyes Makes Ballsy Claim He Was Just One Top Notch Striker Away From Winning Title With Everton

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David Moyes has made the balls-out-of-the-bathtub claim that he was one top notch player away from winning the Premier League title with Everton.

In fairness, Moyesdid guide the Toffees to their one and only top-four finish and twice finished fifth, but the Scot reckons that he could have taken the club to even greater heights with the acquisition of just one propergoalscorer.

Tottenham: Danny Rose Makes His Way Into Metro’s Team Of The Week Without Even Playing

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In a selection baffling enough tomake Garth Crooks wince, the Metro went and named Danny Rose in their 'Team of the Week' for the last round of Premier League matches.

It should probably be noted at this juncture that Rose didn't actually make it out onto the pitch for Tottenham's rout of Stoke on Saturday as he was otherwise engaged nursing a hamstring injury.

Twice As Nice: Mario Balotelli Scores Twice On Ligue 1 Debut v Marseille (Video)

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The rebirth of Mario Balotelli starts here! Making his Ligue 1 debut for OCG Nice against Marseille on Sunday evening, the ex-Man City and Liverpool flop netted a brace to help his side to a precious 3-2 win at theAllianz Riviera.

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Playing his first game for Nice since moving from Anfield on a free, the Italian striker took only seven minutes to open his account, converting a spot-kick despite being goaded by Marseille's Bafetimbi Gomis.

Chelsea: Furious Gary Cahill Posts Footage Of Contentious Leroy Fer Challenge After 2-2 Draw With Swansea

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A furious Gary Cahill may well have Tweeted himself into hot water with the Premier League after the Chelsea man posted video footage of a challenge with Leroy Fer which led to a Swansea goal on Sunday.

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The incident came on 62 minutes, with the score at the Liberty Stadium 1-1 (via goals from Diego Costa and Gylfi Sigurdsson).

Serie A: Francesco Totti Nets Late Winner As Roma Legend Scores In 23rd Consecutive Season (Video)

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Francesco Totti came off the bench to score a 93rd-minute winner for Roma in their rain-saturated win over Sampdoria on Sunday afternoon.

The game had to be temporarily suspended for over an hour at half-time due to the torrential downpour that engulfed the Stadio Olimpico, temporarily turning the place into an outdoor swimming pool.

Horror Hair: Nott’m Forest Skipper Henri Lansbury Debuts Pretty New Braids (Photo)

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Having sported the 'Qui Gon Jinn' look for several weeks, Henri Lansbury decided to tame his lengthy locks for Nottingham Forest's game against Aston Villa (the first time two former European Cup winners have ever met outside the top division ) on Sunday afternoon.

Unfortunately, the Forest captain decided that braiding his hair was the way to go, leading directly to this curiousaberration.

Nightmare Debut: Joe Hart Blunder Gifts Goal To Atalanta On Torino Bow (Video)

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Joe Hart would have been hoping for an error-free debut performance for Torino on Sunday,particularly after his Man City usurper Claudio Bravo's error gifted Man Utd a goal on Saturday.

However, in the second-half of the Serie A top-flight clash with Atalanta,the England 'keeper himself flapped at a cross, duly conceding a sloppy goal.

Torino Get Joe Hart’s Name Wrong On Teamsheet Ahead Of Debut Appearance (Photo)

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Joe Hart's attempts to make a name for himself in Italian football got off to a flyerwhen Torino went out an invented a brand new one for their new English goalkeeper.

Ahead of Sunday afternoon's game againstAtalanta, Torino went and named "John Hart" betwixt the sticks...

Photo: @TeleFootball/Twitter

To be fair,it's not a million miles off, with John being one of Hart's middle names his real first name being 'Charles', as you probably know.

Mind The Gap: Man City Defender Aleksandar Kolarov Looses Tooth During Manchester Derby (Photo)

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They say you should never leave anything out on the pitch, especially in the big games, but unfortunately for Aleksandar Kolarov he had no choice in the matter during yesterday's lively Mancunian derby.

The Man City defender put in another impressively stoic shift at the back, but finished the game with one of his teeth missing after being caught by surprise, surprise a flailing Marouane Fellaini elbow.

‘My First Assist In 10 Years!’ – Lucas Leiva Laughs Off Dreadful Goal-Gifting Error Against Leicester City (Video)

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Recognising that Liverpool were in danger of completely pulverising Leicester City and therefore undermining the strength and prestige of the Premier League title, wily old veteran Lucas Leiva made sure to keep yesterday's game competitive by playing in Jamie Vardy for a timely consolation goal.

Feigning utter incompetence, Lucas got himself in a mess while attempting to play out from inside his own penalty box, panicked and then prodded a limp "clearance" directly across the face of goal, leaving Vardy to tap one into an unguarded net from a few yards out.

Koala Chaos: Adorable Pitch Invader Repeatedly Interrupts Australian Amateur Cup Final (Video)

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As pitch invaders go, they really don't get much cuter than the little rascal who interrupted the recent Division Three grand final clash between theWoombye Snakes and Kawana Force in Queensland, Australia.

With the game in full swing, football was suddenly put on the back-burner as a koala bear came scuttling out from the hedgerowand onto the pitch.

Hat-Trick Heroics: Dundee Utd ‘Keeper Cammy Bell Saves Three First-Half Penalties v Dunfermline (Video)

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Dundee United Cammy Bell saved not one, not two, but three penalties in the first-half of his side's 3-1 win against Dunfermline in the Scottish Championship.

After Bell had stoppedGavin Reilly's spot-kick, Simon Murray opened the scoring for United on 21 minutes. Then, Bell saved two more penalties from Nicky Clark and Paul McMullan before the break.

Birthday Boy: Laurent Koscielny Scored Superb Overhead Kick As Arsenal Beat Southampton 2-1 (Video)

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New-signings Shkodran Mustafi and Lucas Perez both made their debuts for Arsenal on Saturday against Southampton. However, it was old hand Mustafi's defensive partner Laurent Koscielny, on his 31st birthday, who really lit up the Emirates, via a fabulous overhead kick.

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Arsenal found themselves behind on 18 minutes, after a Dusan Tadic free-kick hit the crossbar before rebounding in off the unfortunate Petr Cech.

West Ham: Dimitri Payet Produces Sublime Rabona Assist v Watford (Video)

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West Ham may have lost their home clash with Watford 4-2 on Saturday, but Dimitri Payet still managed to provide the best moment of the game, courtesy of an incredible assist for Michael Antonio.

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The Hammers were already a goal up, courtesy of an early header from the in-form Antonio, when Payet picked up the ball on the right flank just after the half-hour mark.

Man Utd 1-2 Man City: Pep Guardiola Takes The Spoils In Thoroughly Entertaining Mancunian Derby (Photos & Highlights)

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Mercifully, the first Mancunian derby of the season managed to take pass without any tedious inter-manager shenanigans, instead proving to be a rather enjoyable ding-dong of a match.

It was Man City whocame out on top, winning 2-1 to bring up their half-century of derby victories, maintain their winning start to the Premier League season and extend Pep Guardiola's statistical superiority over Jose Mourinho the Manchester United boss having won just 3 of his 17 games against Guardiola-led teams.

Former Staff Member Reveals England Players Were Told To Celebrate Goals In Front Of Specific Advertising Boards (Audio)

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"Right, now go and slide on your knees down there lad..."

As revealed by former football agentJon Smith during a chat with Conor McNamara on BBC World Service, in the past England players have been made to celebrate goals in front of specific advertising hoardings to maximise exposure for certain sponsors.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic: ‘The Only Thing I Miss About PSG Is My Salary’

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Having left the club "a legend" by his own celestial decree, it doesn't appear that Zlatan Ibrahimovic is pining for PSG after making the big switcheroo to Manchester United over the summer.

Indeed, Zlatan has openly admitted that the only thing he misses about PSG is the monumental salary (reportedly £1.

ADO Den Haag Supporters Encouraged To Throw Cuddly Toys At Feyenoord Fans (In The Name Of Charity)

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Photo: Press Association

ADO Den Haag fans are being actively encouraged to pelttheir opposing fans from the upper tiers when their sidetravels to take on Feyenoord in the Eredivisie this coming weekend.

According to Goal, the away fans are being asked to take cuddly toys with them to the game and throw them down to a group of patients from a local children's hospital who will be sat in the lower bough of the stand beneath them.

Anfield: Liverpool Officially Open Brand New 20,500-Capacity Main Stand (Photos & Video)

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Liverpool have got round to officially opening their new Main Stand at Anfield, and a bloody Bobby Dazzler it is too.

Thanks to the addition of 8,500 new seats, the redeveloped stand now has a capacity of20,500, thus bumping up Anfield's overall capacityabove the 54,000 mark.

The view from the top looks a little something like this.

West Brom: Tony Pulis Gets All Passive-Aggressive Over Failure To Bring In Marquee Signings Of Choice

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The odds ofTony Pulis becoming the first managerial departureof the Premier League season have never been shorter after the West Brom boss publicly refuted claims made by the club's chairman that he wanted any of the five players brought in over the course of the summer transfer window.

Baggies chairman John Williams recently insisted that the aforementioned quintet Hal Robson-Kanu, Nacer Chadli, Matt Phillips, Allan Nyom and Brendan Galloway were all on his manager'slong-list of targets.

Ex-Swansea Striker Michu Scores Twice On Return To Professional Football, Almost 700 Days Since Last Competitive Appearance (Video)

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Michu returned from the wilderness to score two goals in the Copa del Rey on Thursday evening, almost 700 days (686 to be precise) since his last appearance in a professional game.

Back in 2012/13, Michu was one of the hottest properties in the Premier Leaguehavingscored 22 goals inaprolific debut season for Swansea.

‘He’s Beautiful And Extraordinary’ – Antonio Di Natale Calls For Roma To Retire Francesco Totti’s No.10 Jersey

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Ex-Udinese stalwart Antonio Di Natale has called on Roma to retire theNo.10 shirt as and when current incumbent Francesco Totti calls it quits.

Totti signed a new one-year contract extension over the summer to keep him playing past his 40th birthday butis fully expected to retire at the end of the current season.

Liverpool: OCG Nice Stick Up For Mario Balotelli In Silly Twitter Quarrel With Jamie Carragher

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OGC Nice have come riding in like the social media cavalry into the midst of the ongoing Twitter mithering between Mario Balotelli and Jamie Carragher.

The tit-for-tat began when Carragher quipped that Nice had "overpaid" for Balotelli when they signed him on a free transfer from Liverpool on deadline day.

On This Day In 1888: Preston The Big Winners As First Ever Football League Results Recorded

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A snapshot of football in 1888, via an engraving called 'The Association Game'

On this very day 128 years ago, the world's very first set of football league results were registered after the culmination of five fixtures played in England on 8th September, 1888.

Derby County and Preston North End were the big winners on that most momentous of afternoons, racking up comprehensive victories over Bolton Wanderers and Burnley respectively.

Official: Ex-Arsenal Midfielder Mathieu Flamini Signs One-Year Deal With Crystal Palace (Photo)

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Ex-Arsenal midfielder and biochemical big-shot Mathieu Flamini has signed a one-year dealwith Crystal Palace.

The 32-year-old Frenchman has been a free agent since leaving the Gunners (for the second time) at the end of last season, but now his Premier League odyssey looks set to continue with a move over the Thames toSelhurst Park.

Arsenal: Alex Iwobi Teaches New-Boys Granit Xhaka And Rob Holding London Street Slang (Video)

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Summer signings Granit Xhaka and Rob Holding seems to be settling in just fine at Arsenal, but to help them fit in on the mean streets of London, team-mate Alex Iwobi has been teaching the two players some metropolitan street slang.

Nigerian international Iwobi, the nephew of none other than Jay-Jay Okocha, has grown up in London and does a rather good job teaching his mates some new phrases.

Preston North End Change Name To ‘Preston North Beginning’ In Support Of Organ Donor Week

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Preston North End have temporarily changed their 136-year-old club name to 'Preston North Beginning' in order to show their support for Organ DonationWeek.

Organised by the NHS Organ Donor Register, the campaign is hoping to raise awareness of the dwindling number of donors in the UK using the slogan "Turn and end into a beginning".

Heartbreak: Luxembourg Net Injury-Time Equaliser Against Bulgaria Only To Concede Straight After Via Superb Tonev Strike (Video)

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Poor old Luxembourg came close to claiming a precious point in their World Cup qualifier against Bulgaria on Tuesday.

Having netted anequaliser in injury time(to make it 3-3)courtesy of a superbFlorian Bohnert, the minnows then watched former Aston Villa and Celtic manAleksandar Tonev net a stunner to win the game for the hosts.

NASL: Puerto Rico Defender Left Counting Testículos After ‘Phil Babbing’ Himself On The Goalpost (Video)

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Image: NASL Official

It's a fate you wouldn't wish on even your mortalest of enemies, but Ramon del Campo of Puerto Rico FC suffered a gruesome, full-tilt Phil Babbing in his side's 3-0 loss against Miami FC in the US second tier at the weekend.

In a desperate attempt to prevent Miami striker Dario Cvitanich from rolling one into an open net, Del Campo went hurtling back to cover the vacant goal only to be immediately leftwishing he hadn't bothered when he gave himself an impromptu DIY vasectomy.

‘I’ve Had A Good Laugh At It’ – New FA Chairman Calls Clock Counting Down To England Winning 2022 World Cup ‘A Joke’

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Photo: Paul Thomas /The FA/Getty Images

Newly-appointed FA chairman Greg Clarke has branded the clock at St George's Park that is set to count down to England's miraculous World Cup win in 2022 as "a joke".

The clock was installedin 2013by Clarke's predecessor, Greg Dyke, who put it in place in the coaching suite at England's training headquarters as a visual reminder of the FA's tedious, ingrained hubris long-term targets.

The Ego Has Landed: Nicklas Bendtner Signs For Nott’m Forest On Two-Year Deal (Official)

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It's official. The ego has landed on the banks of the Trent. Nicklas Bendtner is a Nottingham Forest player.

The Dane has signed a two-year deal, with thegood (?) news broken by Forest owner Fawaz Al-Hasawi on Twitter just minutes ago...

Please welcome Nicklas Bendtner who has joined #NFFC on a two-year deal

— @FAWAZ_ALHASAWI (@fawaz_alhasawi1) September 7, 2016

As we said previously, this really could go either way.

Shit Football Ink: Juventus Fan Gets Terrifying Tattoo Of Gianluigi Buffon Silently Screaming Into Infinity (Video)

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Seeking to pay humble tribute to his favouritest goalkeeper in the whole wide world, one ardent Gianluigi Buffon fanatic decided to have the Juventus stopper's likeness tattooed about his person.

While the skill of the tattoo artist responsible, one Ronald Horta, cannot be denied, the actual image of Buffon silently screaming, eyes bulging, face contorted is another matter entirely.

Euro U21: Man Utd Starlet Marcus Rashford Nets Hat-Trick As England U21s Batter Norway 6-1 (Video)

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After scoring on his Man Utd debut, his Premier League debut and his England senior team debut, Marcus Rashford netted a superb hat-trick in his first ever game with the Three Lions' U21 side in Colchester on Tuesday night.

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Gareth Southgate started Rashford up front in the European Championship qualifier against Norway and the 18-year-old didn't disappoint, netting on 29, 65 and 71 minutes as the England youngsters battered the visitors.

El Salvador Players Call Extraordinary Press Conference, Claim They Were Offered ‘$30 Per Minute’ To Fix World Cup Qualifying Game

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The El Salvador national team held a press conference yesterday to announce that they had been offered a bribe to fiddle tonight's 2018 World Cup qualifying game against Canada.

The team also played an audio recording of the conversation duringwhich they allegeRicardo Padilla, a businessman and former Salvadorian football club president, offered them cash to fix the outcome of the match on behalf of an unnamed Honduran man.

‘It Makes No Sense’ – Lucas Piazon, Senior Member Of Chelsea’s Vast Loan Army, Voices Doubts About Club’s Hoarding Policy

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A member of Chelsea's vast squadronof on-loan players has raised his head above the parapet and dared to suggest that the club's hoarding policy might not be all that beneficialfor somethe individuals caught up in it.

The dissenting voice among the rank and file is that of Lucas Piazon, who has made a whopping three first-team appearances (totalling 160 minutes) for Chelsea since joining from Sao Paulo as a prodigious 17-year-old in 2011.

Reports: Nicklas Bendtner Set To Join Nott’m Forest As Talks Reach ‘Advanced’ Stage

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We're not entirely sure if this is good news or bad, but it looks like Nicklas Bendtner's next port of call will be Nottingham Forest.

A free agent after being cut loose (with a year left on his contract) by Wolfsburg at the end of last season, Bendtner has apparently held discussions with a couple of other Championship clubs, but it looks like Forest were the only ones willing to pursue thingsfurther.

World Cup: Serbia’s Filip Kostic Wins Penalty With Dismal Dive But Republic Of Ireland Battle To 2-2 Draw In Belgrade (Video)

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The Republic of Ireland got their 2018 World Cup qualifying campaign off to a reasonable start after a hard-fought 2-2 draw in a very wet Belgrade.

However, Martin O'Neill and co. will no doubt still be furious with the officials after Hamburg winger Filip Kostic won a penalty courtesy of an appalling dive, right under the nose of refereeViktor Kassai.

World Cup: Israel’s Tal Ben Haim Nets Glorious Chipped Effort Against Italy (Video)

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Italy got their 2018 World Cup qualifying campaign off to a winning start on Monday night, courtesy of a deserved 3-1 win in Israel. However, it was the hosts who netted the goal of the game, with striker Tal Ben Haim (not the ex-Chelsea and Bolton one) produced an exquisite chip which left Gigi Buffon helpless.

Germany: DFB Produce Strange (But Apt) Description Of Thomas Muller’s Match-Winning Performance Against Norway

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Defending WeltmeistersGermany got their qualification for the 2018 World Cup off to a winning start with a comprehensive 3-0 win over Norway in Oslo on Sunday evening.

Thomas Muller played a starring role in the routine victory, scoring twice and laying on a third for Joshua Kimmich with all the silken finesseand ballet dancer's poise we've come to expect from the Bayern Munich forward i.

‘It’s Not For Me To Say Where Wayne Rooney Plays’ – Sam Allardyce, England National Football Team Manager

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Sam Allardyce's reign as England manager may have begun with an important win over Slovakia, but the performance itself bar roughly90 exciting, carefree seconds around the 76/77 minute mark, when Adam Lallana hit the post was very much in the same tedious furrow as Euro 2016 and the several months/years before it.

Andres Iniesta Recalls The Time Ronaldinho Tricked The Entire Barcelona Team Into Winning The Clasico

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There's a fantastic little passage in Andres Iniesta's new autobiography, 'The Move of My Life', wherein the Barcelona stalwart recalls the time Ronaldinho pulled a mass ruse on the entire squad in the interest of stoking team morale.

We join the story in 2005, shortly before Barca were set to take on Real Madrid in the Clasico having trailed their table-topping rivals for the first few months of the season.

Bundesliga Club Darmstadt Rename Stadium In Honour Of Late Fan Who Died Of Cancer

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German top-tierside SV Darmstadt have renamed their stadium in honour of a young fan who passed away in March.

As such, the club will play all of their home games at the 'Jonathan Heimes Stadium' for the duration of the 2016/17 season.

#Lilien -blau-weiße Straßenbahn mit Schriftzug #JonathanHeimesStadion wirbt für #dumusstkaempfen #Merck #Bundesliga pic.

Pitch Invaders Wrestle Brazil Superstar Neymar To Ground At Open Training Session (Video)

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After scoring the winning penalty in the Olympic football final last month, Neymar's stock has risen even higher in his home country of Brazil.

During a recent open training sessions for theSeleção, some fans couldn't resist running onto the pitch and ultimately dragging their idol to the ground.

FA Cup Qualifying: Spennymoor Town ‘Keeper Scores From Inside Own Box (Video)

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Goalkeeper Daniel Lowson scored an incredible goal from inside his own box during Spennymoor Town's 5-3 FA Cup qualifying clash with Radcliffe Borough at the weekend.

The 'keeper launched a free-kick from inside his own box which sailed the length of the pitch before a crucial bounce caught out his opposite number in the Radcliffe goal.

Slovakia 0-1 England: Sam Allardyce Starts With Win As Adam Lallana Bags Last-Gasp Winner (Photos & Highlights)

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Sam Allardyce started his reign as England boss with a victory away to Slovakia, albeit via a late winner from Liverpool's Adam Lallana.

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There were no surprises in Big Sam's first starting 11, with Wayne Rooney earning his 116th cap, a record for an England outfield player (and one more than David Beckham).

Villarreal Allow Teenage Cancer Sufferer Gohan To Start Friendly Game Against Celtic (Video)

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Football once again showed its charitable side when, at the weekend, Villarreal allowed 13-year-old cancer sufferer Gohan to start their friendly game against Celtic.

The teenager obviously enjoyed his incredible day and kicked off the game at the Madrigal before scoring for his beloved team.

Nigel Winterburn And Paulo Di Canio Recreate Infamous Ref-Pushing Fracas During Arsenal v AC Milan Legends Match (Video)

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During Arsenal's star-studded 'Legends' clash with AC Milan at the Emirates on Saturday, Nigel Winterburn and Paulo Di Canio produced a lovely moment when they recreated the Italians' infamous push on ref Paul Alcock from1998.

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In the original incident, Di Canio, then lining out for Sheffield Wednesday, got involved in a fracas with Martin Keown before seeing red.

Awkward: Roy Keane Shuts Down Journalist Over James McCarthy’s Everton Future (Video)

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Not famed for suffering fools gladly, Roy Keane was at it again during a press conference ahead of the Republic of Ireland's World Cup qualifier against Serbia, with the Irish coach laying into a journalist over James McCarthy.

The poor journo in question raised a question about Everton midfielder McCarthy and his future under Toffees' boss Ronald Koeman.

Man City: Yaya Touré Left Out Of Champions League Squad By Pep Guardiola

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Once the lynchpin of Manchester City's title-winning sides, Yaya Touré has been left out of the Citizens' Champions League squad by new boss Pep Guardiola.

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City couldn't include more than 17 overseas players in their squad for the Champions League, and with 18 currently on the club's books, one had to be culled, with 33-year-old Touré the unlucky player.

Retro Football: Dean Saunders Remembers Brian Clough’s Unorthodox Attempt To Sign Him For Nott’m Forest In 1991 (Audio)

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Here's a cracking little yarn from Dean Saunders about the time Brian Clough attempted to prise him away from Derby County in the summer of 1991.

Saunders was hot property having scored 17 goals despite Derby's relegation from the top-tier, with Everton and Cloughie's Forest forming an orderly queue in hope of snaringthe prolific Welsh striker.

What Fresh Hell Is This? New Signing Jonathan De Guzman To Wear No.1 Shirt At Chievo (Photo)

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Just when you were on the brink of making peace with Sheffield Wednesday's fragrant and frankly worrying disregard for traditional squad numbering, Chievo go and blow the whole thing out of the water.

Having signed established central midfielder Jonathan de Guzman on deadline day, the Serie A side went and issued him with the hallowed No.

Swansea Proudly Announce Enner Valencia Signing… The Day After He Completes Everton Loan Move

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Swansea have taken the time to give us all a comprehensive guide to all thingsEnner Valencia, which is good of them, especially as the Ecuadorianstriker actually signed for Everton on deadline day.

The Swans were keen to take the West Ham forward on loan before the window closed on Wednesday evening, but Valencia eventually decided to snub their overtures in favour of a season-long loan move to Goodison Park.

Lionel Messi Scores Winning Goal For Argentina Several Weeks After Retiring From International Football (Photos & Video)

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Lionel Messi pulled off another neat trick last night when he scored Argentina's winning goal against Uruguay despite having retired from international football some weeks ago now.

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Indeed, despite not actually being on the pitch, Messi settled the 2018World Cup qualifier in the 43rd minute with a piece of excellent back-heeled control and a massively deflected finish.

Reports: Burger King Offer Zenit St. Petersburg £5.5m To Change Their Name To ‘Zenit Burger King’

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As if proof were needed that commercialism is rampant in football these days, Zenit St. Petersburg have supposedly been offered millions of dollars to officially change their team name.

**UPDATE: Pies' Russian sources are telling us that this story is actually a joke and the letter below is an elaborate hoax.

Premier Action: Martial And Giroud Score, Pogba Provides Two Assists As France Beat Italy 3-1 (Video)

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France's Premier League stars were instrumental in their team's 3-1 friendly win over Italy in Bari on Thursday night, with Paul Pogba superbly setting up Manchester United club-mate Anthony Martial before Arsenal's Olivier Giroud netted a very decent volley.

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Martial's goal, his first for the senior French side, came after a lovely through ball from Pogba.

Robbie Keane Bids Farewell To International Football With 68th Goal In 146th Game For Republic Of Ireland (Photos & Video)

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Robbie Keane made his final appearance for the Republic of Ireland on Wednesday night, with the legendary striker netting against Oman to take his international tally to an incredible 68 goals in 146 senior games.

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The Tallaght-born striker made his debut for the Irish back in March 1998 against the Czech Republic, with his first senior international goal coming against Malta in October of the same year.

Official: Tottenham Just About Pip Everton To £30m Signing Of Moussa Sissoko (Photo)

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Having spent the entire summer telling all and sundry about his plans to leave Newcastle, it took Moussa Sissoko until the final hour of the transfer window to get his wish.

Both Everton and Tottenham had £30million bids accepted for the French international but it was the latter who proved most tempting, with Sissoko just about squeaking his move to White Hart Lane through before the 11pm deadline.

Official: Leicester City Spend Club Record £29m To Bag Islam Slimani (Photo)

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Photo: @LCFC/Twitter

Another bit of late business to shore up was Leicester City's acquisition of Islam Slimani, with Sporting Lisbon receiving a reported £29million for the Algerian forward.

Slimani, who wept uncontrollably after makinghis final appearance for Sporting last weekend, has moved to the King Power on a five-year deal though the move is still subject to FA, Premier League and international clearance.

Swedish Defender Sent Off For Celebrating Hat-Trick With Little Too Much Gusto (Video)

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Image: @NorrbyIF/Twitter

Having only ever managedone league goal for the club up to the point, you could perhaps forgive Norrby IF defender Mehmet Dresevic for getting a little carried away with himself when he ended up scoringthrice in one game at the weekend.

Norrbyspanked fellow Swedish third-tier outfit Tvaaker 6-1 on the day, with Dresevic completing his unlikely hat-trick in the 83rd minute.

Denmark’s Magnificent New Home Kit Has A Whopping Great Viking On It! (Photos)

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Just as promised, Denmark turned out in a special, pristine all-white kit for their opening 2018 World Cup qualifieragainst Liechtenstein last night to symbolise a "fresh start"for them as an international team.

The Danes then waited until the following day to roll out their new home kit proper, which is if you'll excuse the excess saliva a thing of true beauty.

Nigel De Jong: MLS Post Weird, Slightly Bitter ‘Farewell’ Message After Dutch Midfielder Joins Galatasaray (Video)

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As you may have seen, Nigel de Jong made the move to Galatasaray amid the hustle and bustle of transfer deadline day, signing a two-year deal with the Turkish side.

The free transfer brought to an abrupt end De Jong'sfairly brief stint in MLS, having signed for LA Galaxy just under eight months ago in Februaryof this year.

Shit Lookalikes: Jack Wilshere & Eleven From ‘Stranger Things’

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A doff of the cap is most definitely due to Pies fanRasmus Forsten, who noticed that the freshly-shorn Jack Wilshere bears a striking resemblance to Eleven from hit 1980ssynth-fuelledsci-fi series 'Stranger Things'...

One is a tiny, frail human being, cut adrift in an alien realm; damaged and abused but capable of amazing things in short bursts before succumbing to physical and mental break down.

Competition: WIN! A Fantastic ‘Stadium Hoppers’ Map – The Perfect Way To Keep Track Of Your Footballing Adventures

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It's been a while, so we thought we'd treat you, the Pies faithful, to a competition.

Thanks to our buds over at Stadium Hoppers, we have one of their brilliant eponymous football stadium maps up for grabs.

The concept is simple: Visit all 92 Premier andFootball League grounds (plus two national stadiums) and check them off on your Stadium Hoppers map as you go.

Can’t Beat A Little R&R: Leeds United Can Now Boast Having Both Ronaldo And Romario On Their Books

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One little snippet of transfer deadline news that you might have overlooked is that Leeds United managed to end the day with both Ronaldo and Romario on their books.

Alas, before you go getting excited, we're not talking about the legendary Brazilian pair you see above you, for they now share a combined age of 89.