Who Ate All the Pies Archives for January 2016

Arsenal’s Alexis Sanchez Buys Two 3G Pitches For Children In Hometown Of Tocopilla

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Arsenal star Alexis Sanchez has funded the building of two artificial football pitches in his hometown of Tocopilla. TheChilean forward left his home country a decade ago, moving initially to Italian side Udinese. However, the 27-year-old has never forgotten his roots, with these state of the art 3G pitches his latest philanthropic project.

Official: Gary Neville Sacked By Gary Neville’s Valencia

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Coming as a shock to literally nobody, Gary Neville has had his contract mulched by Gary Neville's Valencia, who go back to using their original moniker (plain old 'Valencia') with immediate effect as a result.

A statement has just appeared on the official club website to announce that Neville has been given the old heave-ho:

[Valencia] has today terminated its contractual relationship with Gary Neville as first team coach.

10 Footballers Who Look Like Untrustworthy Magicians

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A list Piesfelt duty bound to compile for the good of mankind, here's 10 footballers that we think look a bit like dodgy magicians...

Mats Hummels

He'll steal your woman and your wallet, and anything else that isn't nailed down...

Robert Pires

His elaborate illusions wereonce the toast of old Paris, though that was before 'the incident'.

Man City: Martin Demichelis Hit With FA Misconduct Charge After Racking Up 12 Alleged Betting Offences In One Week

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Martin Demichelis has been hit with an FA misconduct charge after allegedly falling foul of 12 betting-related offences in the space of one week.

The Manchester City defender apparently went on a bit of a flutter binge in the final week of January this year, though further details are not forthcoming at the moment.

Retro Football: 203 Minutes Of ‘Action’ As Stockport Scrap It Out Against Doncaster In The Longest Game On Record

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Stockport County team, circa 1947 (Photo: Hedge Grower)

Sit tight, this may take some time. When Stockport County met Doncaster Rovers in a replay of a Division Three North Cup tie at Stockport's Edgeley Park on 30th March 1946, the game lasted THREE HOURS AND 23 MINUTES.

By the time the first 90 minutes had elapsed, the teams were drawing 2-2.

FAIL: Syria Accidentally Kick-Start Japan Rout By Notching Fantastic Own-Goal To Open Scoring (Video)

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Japan well and truly trounced Syria on Tuesday evening, sticking five unanswered goals past their opponents on the nighttofinish top of their World Cup qualifying group.

Alate three-goal salvo saw Japan round out the scoring in the last six minutes, but it was their 17th-minute opener that grabbed Pies' eye.

West Ham’s Dimitri Payet Nets Another Cracking Free-Kick As France Beat Russia 4-2 (Video)

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One of this season's undoubted stars, Dimitri Payet has blossomed with West Ham after a summer move from Marseille, helping the Hammers climb all the way into the Premier League's top five. The playmaker has netted a number of fine free-kick goals already this season and onWednesday night, he bagged a cracker for the French national side against Russia.

Changing Of The Garde: Aston Villa Boss Remi Leaves Club By Mutual Consent

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Remi Garde came to Aston Villa four months ago, hoping to steer the struggling giants away from the relegation zone. However, instead the former Lyon manager oversaw a disastrous period, with the club winning just two of their 20 league games. Now, on the back ofthe Championship-bound Villans losing six in a row, Garde's inevitable departure has finally come to be.

Reports: Liverpool Boss Jurgen Klopp Confident Of Signing Mario Gotze In ‘Cut-Price’ £20m Deal

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It looks like things might be about to get exciting at Liverpool this summer as the club hurtles into its first full and proper transfer window with Jurgen Klopp in charge.

The club are hoping that Klopp will be able to use his considerable sway to convince at least one of his former charges to join him at Anfield, with The Express reporting that the German coach is"confident" he'll be able to takeMario Gotze off Bayern Munich's hands for a "cut-price" fee.

5 Of The Worst Premier League Campaigns Ever (Since Football Began In 1992)

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Derby's 2007/08 top-scorer Kenny Miller celebrates one of his four Premier League goals

On 29th March 2008, Derby County finally secured the record that they'd been dutifully working towards the entire season.The Rams' 2-2 draw with Fulham meant that they were relegated, and at earliest stage a club had ever been jettisoned from the Premier League before or since.

Shit Lookalikes: Diego Costa & Jose Oquenda (Formerly Of St Louis Cardinals)

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World class spot from Pies fan Shaun here, who noticed that well-worn Chelsea striker Diego Costa bears a striking resemblance to the similarly craggyex-baseballer Jose Oquendo, formerly of the St. Louis Cardinals...

Bang on, that. Not even a hint of shitness about it.

Got a Shit Lookalike nomination for Pies?

Bump N’ Grind: Cristiano Ronaldo And His Pelvic Thrusts Make Everybody Uncomfortable During Portugal Training (Video)

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As proudly posted on Instagram by the man himself, here's Cristiano Ronaldowithhis piston-likepelvis and his satin-finish thighs making precisely everybody uncomfortable during Portugal's training session...


A video posted by Cristiano Ronaldo (@cristiano) on Mar 28, 2016 at 12:04pm PDT

Seduction, thine have a new name.

‘Sorry For The Interruption’ – Sleaford Town Sum Up Perils Of Live-Tweeting Non-League Matches With One Excellent Second-Half Update

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Eslaforde Park, home of Sleaford Town (Photo: ITV)

If any one Tweet could be used to sum up the trueessenceof non-league football, it may well have been emitted during yesterday'sUnited Counties League Premier Division clash between Sleaford United and Boston Town.

As always, the game was being live-Tweeted by Sleaford's official account, with the man in charge putting out the usual information: startingline-ups, chances, goal updates, etc.

Newcastle: Rafa Benitez Arranges Special Meeting With Fan Who Tumbled While Unfurling Her ‘Welcome’ Banner

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Photo: Rafa Benitez.com

Being the jolly fine type of fellow he is, Rafa Benitez has gone out of his way to arrange a special face-to-face meeting with the Newcastle fan who did herself a bit of a mischief recently while attempting to welcome the Spaniard to the club.

Toon fan Zoe Ellison tripped and fell down several flights of stairs while unfurling her large banner just before Benitez's first game in charge against Leicester City last month.

‘No Doubt I’ll Be Arsenal Boss Next Season’ – Arsene Wenger Confident Of Emirates Stay

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'Wenger Out' brigade members look away now! In an interview with Bein Sports, Gunners' boss Arsene Wenger has reiterated his intention to stay in the Emirates' hot-seat, stating that he has 'no doubt' that he'll be in charge come the start of next season.

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Wenger oversaw Arsenal's move from Highbury to their new state of the art Emirates stadium 10 years ago, with the intention of allowing the north Londoners to compete with the European elite.

Dean Ashton Scores Cracker As Mark Noble’s Star-Studded Testimonial Lights Up The Boleyn Ground (Video)

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While the Premier League's international stars are away representing their respective countries, the perennially ignored Mark Noble wascelebrating his 12 years and over 350 appearances at West Ham with an entertaining testimonialat the Boleyn Ground.

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The game, between the current high-flying West Ham side and a team of former stars, was the classically banter laden testimonial clash, with quite a star-studded lineup-up.

Liverpool: Leaked Contract Details Reveal Barcelona ‘Only’ Paid £65m For Luis Suarez

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Those meddling oiks over at Football Leaks have done it again, somehow unearthing a publishing the contract that saw Luis Suarez leave Liverpool for Barcelona in the summer of 2014.

The leaked documents reveal that rather than the £75million transfer fee that was reported in the press, Barca actually got their man for thelow, lowprice of just £64.

Romania Replace Squad Numbers With Maths Equations To Help Promote Childhood Numeracy (Photos)

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Photo: Romanian Football Federation (FRF)

Romania have replaced their usual squad numbers with various maths equations in a novel attempt to promote numeracy among Romanian kids.

The country has one of theworst rates of children dropping out of school in Europe, with 18% dropping out before completing their secondary education.

On This Day In 2001: England Field Seven Manchester United Players To Equal 70-Year-Old Record (Video)

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When England played Albania in a World Cup qualifier in the Albanian capital of Tirana on 28th March 2001, five of the starting line-up were provided byjust one club – Manchester United.

Gary Neville, Andy Cole, Nicky Butt, David Beckham and Paul Scholes all began the game and, when they were joined by second half subs Wes Brown and Teddy Sheringham, the seven United players on the pitch meant the club equalled an international record that had stood for almost 70 years.

Sky Sports News Tricked By Absolutely Terrible Shay Given ‘Impersonator’ (Video)

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With the rubbish news that Jack Butland is now almost certain to miss the European Championships after fracturing his ankle while keeping goal for England against Germany on Saturday, Sky Sports News thought a real boon had landed in their lap when Shay Given Butland's clubmate at Stoke phoned in to give his two shilling's worth on the matter.

Irish Second-Tier Side Cobh Ramblers ‘Dismiss’ Rumours Of Managerial Change After Man City Boss Manuel Pellegrini Spotted In Town

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Manchester City boss Manuel Pellegrini made the most of the international break to take trip to Ireland's beautiful south-west, with the Argentine's presence in the town of Cobh prompting local club Cobh Ramblers to jokingly refute rumours of a major managerial signing in the summer.

Former Ram Darragh Burke as well as u13 player Darragh getting their picture with Manuel Pellegrini today in Cobh pic.

Forever In The Limelight: Lionel Messi Called Up On Stage In Buenos Aires Theatre, Lauded By Cast And Audience (Video)

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Whilst on international duty with Argentina at the weekend, Lionel Messi once again found himself in the spotlight, this time at the Apollo theatre. Thepint-sized genius was in the audience for the 'The Other Side of the Bed' play when the lead actor (and Messi's mate)Nicolas Vasquez hauled him up on stage at the end.

Harry Kane Pulls Off Timely Cruyff Turn As England Secure 3-2 Comeback Win Against Germany (Video)

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Unsurprisingly, a lot of the English press are getting a little bit carried away with England's 3-2 win in Berlin on Saturday night. However, the victory did showcase the talents of the Three Lions' new generation of stars, with Harry Kane netting a superb goal for the visitors, via a rather timely 'Cruyff turn'.

Dedication: 100-Year-Old Besiktas Fan Takes VIP Tour Around New Stadium In Her Hospital Bed (Video)

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The grand old lady you see above is Meryem Ruacan. She is 100 years old and has been a devout Besiktas fan for most of that century.

She was around 30 when Besiktas moved into the Inonu Stadium in 1947, the famous old ground that the club have now begun demolishing in order to build a swanky new 43,500-seater bowl on top of.

Valencia Fans Burn Gary Neville Effigy In The Street During ‘Las Fallas’ Festival (Photo & Video)

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A ninot with Gary Neville's face attached, shortly before being burned to a cinder (Photo: AS)

Suffice to say that things haven't goneparticularly well for Gary Neville at Valencia over the past few months, his idling side now perched just six points above the relegation zone after slumping to defeats in their last three La Liga outings.

Cambridge Boss Shaun Derry Uses ‘Colourful’ Language In Altercation With Bristol Rovers’ Fans After 3-0 Defeat (Video)

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Where would we be without camera phones, eh?! On Friday, Shaun Derrywas the latest footballing name to find himself caught on camera (albeit briefly), after the Cambridge United boss had a verbal altercation with a couple of Bristol Rovers fans.

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The incident occurred in the aftermatch of the U's 3-0 League Two defeat away toRovers, with former QPR star Derry using some rather colourful language after speaking with some opposition fans on his way to the team bus.

Netherlands v France Friendly Paused In Touching 14th Minute Tribute To Johan Cruyff (Video)

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The amount of words written over the past few days about the passing of Johan Cruyff highlights just what an important figure the Dutch master was in the history of the game.

On Friday night at the Amsterdam Arena, it was the turn of both players and fans to show their appreciation for the great man with a touching pause on 14 minutes for a round of applause.

Great Documentary: ‘En Un Momento Dado’ Reveals Johan Cruyff’s Deep Links With Barcelona (Video)

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As a little Friday treat, Piesthought we'd bring you just a little more Johan Cruyff goodness in the shape of this magnificent documentary from 2004.

Entitled 'En Un Momento Dado' ('At Any Given Moment'), the documentarywas madeby Dutch filmmakerRamon Gielingand charts the years Cruyff spent atBarcelona,theclub where he had the most profound effect in both a footballingand cultural sense.

‘It Was An Honour To Be On The Same Pitch’ – Jan Olsson Admits He Still Cherishes Being Destroyed By The Cruyff Turn

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Despite forging himself an 18-year career as a perfectly serviceable full-back at club and international level, Swedish defender Jan Olsson is a man who is largely remember for one thing and one thing only.

Alas, it was poor Olssonwho just so happened to find himself on the receivingend of the most iconic piece of football chicanery: The Cruyff Turn.

Veteran Spanish Boss Vicente Del Bosque Knocked To Ground After Accidental Clash With Linesman (Video)

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Thursday night saw two of the games giants, Italy and Spain, go head to head in Udine as the busy schedule ofinternational friendlies kicks in. The game ended 1-1, courtesy of goals from Azzurri wingerLorenzo Insigne and Spain strikerAritz Aduriz.

However, the clash also saw veteran World Cup winning boss Vicente Del Bosque knocked to the ground after a hefty (accidental) knock from a linesman.

Harry Redknapp Gives Bewildered Interview After Guiding Jordan To 8-0 Win In First Game In Charge (Video)

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With his fly-by-night advisory role at Derby County on the back burner for the duration of the international break, Harry Redknapp is filling his time by taking charge of the Jordan national side fortwo count 'em, two World Cup qualifiers.

'Arry's reign got off to a flyer today with an 8-0 barrelling of Bangladesh, strikerHamza Al-Dardour scoring a hat-trick in the process.

RIP Johan Cruyff: 10 Brilliant Quotes From One Of Football’s Great Philosophers

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Johan Cruyff was a decent little player in his day. He could see things at a faster frame rate than everybody else, pre-empting and flitting away from danger before the defender's first muscle fibre had even twitched.

He also went on to become on of the most progressive coaches of the modern era, preaching a simple message of skill and nous over build, athleticism and football-by-numbers.

Something Very Strange Happened At The Gibraltar vs Liechtenstein Game Last Night

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By Joseph Viney (@jjviney)

Gibraltar's national team, circa Oct 2015

For a lot of football fans international friendlies are more trouble than they're worth. They are cited as meaningless and present a disruption to the flow of a league season or, more importantly, people's Fantasy Football teams.

Michael Owen Tweets About Sadly Departed Icon Johan Cruyff In Tactless Click-Bait Fail

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Michael Owen has more than his fair share of detractors, with his charisma-free BT Sport punditry irking the bejaysus out of football fans the length and breadth of the country.

However, the former England striker sank to new depths on the day Dutch master Johan Cruyff passed away.

RIP Johan Cruyff – Dutch Icon Passes Away After Surrendering To Lung Cancer, Aged 68

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Photo: Press Association

Johan Cruyff has passed away today at the age of 68, just five months after he was diagnosed with lung cancer.

"I've had to two addictions in my life: smoking and playing football," he once mused.

"Football has given me everything, whilst smoking almost took it all away".

Adam Johnson: Lawyer Reveals Disgraced Footballer Has Been Stripped Of His England Caps

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Having been found guilty of engaging in sexual activity with a 15-year-old last month, Adam Johnson is back in court today for sentencing.

Nothing has been decided yet, but the disgraced footballer is looking at anything up to 10 years in prison.

It was also revealed that the FA have stripped Johnson of the England caps he accumulated over the course of his abruptly curtailed career.

On This Day In 2007: England Under-21s Christen New Wembley Stadium With 3-3 Draw Against Italy – But Where Are They Now?

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On 24th March 2007, the new Wembley Stadium finally hosted its very first game after years of delays and set-backs.

The inaugural contest was an Under-21 friendly between England and Italy and a crowd of 55,700 sidled into the cavernous stadium to watch.

England's starting XI on that fateful day consisted of Lee Camp, Leighton Baines, Gary Cahill, Anton Ferdinand,Liam Rosenior,Kieran Richardson,Nigel Reo-Coker (c), Gabby Agbonlahor,David Bentley,Wayne Routledge and Leroy Litaup top.

UEFA Consider Making Major Changes To Champions League Format With ‘Mini-Super League’ Group Stage Mooted

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With interest, attendances and most importantly, revenue, stagnating over the past couple of seasons, UEFA are said to be mulling over a drastic reconfiguration of the Champions League format.

According to the Guardian, the re-jigging could see the group stage whittled down to 16 teams, i.

‘More Than Talent’ – Chilean Pop Star Writes Catchy Ditty About Alexis Sanchez And His Adventures In Europe (Video)

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Despite finding himself on a relatively low boil for Arsenal this season, Alexis Sanchez's popularity shows no sign of wavering, especially back home in his native Chile.

Indeed, an aspiring young Chilean pop star by the name of Chris Willde has professed his love for Alexis via the medium of song, recording a catchy little ditty about the forward's goal-scoring adventures around Europe.

‘I Would Never Have Signed For Liverpool If I Wasn’t First Choice’ – Liverpool Striker Christian Benteke Has Pop At Klopp

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In an interview withBelgian publication Sport/Voetbalmagazine, Liverpool striker Christian Benteke has bemoaned his lack of playing time at Liverpool under Jurgen Klopp, claiming that he would never have signed for the club if he thought he'd only be used sporadically.

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The 25-year-old, who was brought to Anfield by Brendan Rodgers for a whopping £32.

UEFA: Whole Of Euro 2016 Could Be Played Behind Closed Doors If Terrorist Threat Exists

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UEFA have said that they will give very real consideration to playing the entirety of Euro 2016 behind closed doors if the terrorism threat in Europe continues to rise over the course of the next three months.

Giancarlo Abete, vice-president of the UEFA executive committee, told an Italian radio station that should security issues persist, UEFA are willing to take extreme precautions to minimise risk.

Ryan Shawcross Reveals His Family Still Taunt Him About Being Torn Asunder By Zlatan Ibrahimovic On England Debut

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Photo: Press Association

Ryan Shawcross has revealed that his family still taunt him after the Stoke City defender saw his England debut in 2012 well and truly ruined by one man.

That man was Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who scored four goals in a landslide 4-2 friendly victory for Sweden in Stockholm.

Retro Football: Good Friday Madness As Soggy Balls Force Newport County To Surrender 5-1 Lead Over Norwich

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"Think we're going to have to call it off, lads..."

Little old Newport County don't often get a mention in these parts, so we're taking the opportunity to remember a couple of odd occurrences at the team's Somerton Park ground in the early-to-mid 20th Century.

The first we're going to bring up came on Good Friday (23rd March, to be specific) in1951.

Angry Napoli Fan Plans To Sue Referee For Not Sending Off Juventus Defender Leonardo Bonucci

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One particularly livid Napoli fan is planning to sue the referee who took charge of Sunday's lively old Derby della Mote clash between Juventus and Torino.

Juve eventually won the game 4-1 to re-establish a three-point lead over Napoli at the summit of the Serie A standings, but the result didn't come without controversy, especially from a Neapolitan point of view.

Crumlin United: 7-Year-Old Irish Lad Puts Outrageous Finish To Super Slick Team Goal (Video)

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A strong contender for the next Puskas Award was filed over in theDublin District Schoolboys League at the weekend, when 7-year-oldSean McDonnell both started and endeda slick team move for his Crumlin United youth side.

McDonnell pinched the ball away from his opponent with a silky turn, combined(a little reluctantly at first!

Talking Football: Man City Women Captain Steph Houghton Gets Mic’d Up For Full Game (Video)

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The new season of the Women's Super League kicks off on Wednesdayevening, with the competition ready to build on a superb 2015 which saw England's third-place finish at the World Cup give the game a massive boost.

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One of the stars of that successful campaign in Canada last summer, Steph Houghton, wore a microphone for the entirety ofManchester City's pre-season friendly with Swedish side Pitea IF last month.

Leicester Join Fellow Euro Giants Barcelona, Real Madrid & Bayern Munich In Pre-Season International Champions Cup Line-Up

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The schedule for this summer's fourth annual International Champions Cup pre-season tournament has been released, with shock Premier League leaders Leicester taking their place among the big boys of European football in a mouth-watering line-up.

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The Foxes, along with Chelsea, Liverpool and Celtic will take part in the main competition, which will be mostly held in the USA, with the Blues and the Reds going head to head inPasadena.

‘Together Stronger’ – Manic Street Preachers Confirm They Are Doing Wales’ Euro 2016 Song

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Photo: FA Wales/Instagram

Manic Street Preachers have confirmed that they are in the process of recording and releasing the official anthem to accompany Wales' Euro 2016 campaign.

The song is called 'Together Stronger (C'Mon Wales)', with the band confirming as much earlier this morning.

Football Art: Roma Players Painted As Historical Figures Of Old (Photos)

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As featured on the club's official website, local painter and Roma fanFabrizio Birimbelli has produced a series of work that sees a whole batch of Giallorossi stars re-imagined as historical figures of yore.

The likes of Francesco Totti, Daniele De Rossi et al haveall been captured in classic renaissance oil portrait style,dressed in their military finery and staring defiantly off into middle distance.

On This Day, 128 Years Ago: Aston Villa Director William McGregor Spearheads Formation Of The Football League

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It all started 128 years ago today. On 22nd March 1888, the Football League was formed – the first such league competition in world football.

It was the top of the football hierarchyin England until 1992, when the top 22 clubs broke away to form the Premier League. The jury's still out on that decision.

Newcastle Fan Given Banning Order After Botching Celebration With Aleksandar Mitrovic During Sunderland Derby

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It's with a heavy heart that we're forced to tell you that the Newcastle fan who contributed to one of the greatest, most icon sporting images of our time has been hit with a football banning order for his troubles.

The fan in question, John West, 35, has been handed an interim banning order for going into the playing area of a designated football match by Northumbria Police.

Leicester City Fan With Terminal Illness Claims His Team’s Premier League Heroics Are Keeping Him Alive

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Twelve months ago he was told he only had a matter of weeks leftby doctors, but one Leicester City fan is claiming that the ongoing Premier League heroics of his beloved side might just be what is keeping him alive.

A native ofAdelaide, Australia, Tony Skeffington was originally told he had four weeks to live when he was diagnosed withappendiceal cancer last March.

Liverpool Midfielder Joe Allen Discusses Newfound Love Of Hens In ‘Chicken & Egg’ Magazine

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One player who shook the coop (Image: Chicken & Egg Magazine)

Rather than the usual pursuits of Xbox Live and tattoo sleeve-maintenance, professional footballer Joe Allen has revealed that away from football he enjoys nothing more than helping to tend to his chickens.

Gabbing away in the Spring 2016 edition of Chicken & Egg (a welfare and food magazine published by the British Hen Welfare Trust), the Liverpool midfielder proudly gushed about the 16 pet chickens he and his wife Lacey tend to at their family homestead in Wales.

Too Many Physios, Noisy Frogs And Camouflage Kits: Five Flimsy Post-Defeat Excuses

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When Manchester United lost 2-0 to Fulham on 21st March 2009, manager Alex Ferguson had a simple explanation for his team's shortcomings: The dressing rooms at Craven Cottage had been too small.

After the defeat, Ferguson rallied against the "ridiculous" facilities at Fulham before calling on the Premier League to introduce aminimum size standardfor all teams in the top tier to avoid any such travesty befalling any of his contemporaries.

Macclesfield Town Get Creative With ‘Highlights’ Of Dreadfully Dull 0-0 Draw Against Boreham Wood (Video)

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It's not often that match highlights comes with an apologetic caveat

Faced with the task of making Saturday's goalless draw against Boreham Wood look anything other than mind-numbingly tedious, Macclesfield Town got creative while cobblingtogether their official highlight package.

Unwilling to pay to procure therights to the dreadfully dull match footage, Town instead decided to stage a dramatic recreation of the 'action' that unfolded at Meadow Park.

Goalscoring Goalie: AGF Aarhus ‘Keeper Steffen Rasmussen Rescues Point With Dramatic 94th-Minute Equaliser (Video)

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Danish side AGF Aarhus had goalkeeperSteffen Rasmussen to thank for rescuing them a point over the weekend when the stopper popped up in the very last minute of the matchto head home a dramatic equaliser against AaB Aalborg in the Superliga.

AGF had found themselves 2-1 down just moments beforehand when midfielder Jens Jonsson scored an own-goal in the 93rd minute to almost certainly seal victory for AaB.

Sporting Lisbon Players Wear Deliberately Misspelled Shirts To Highlight Perils Of Buying Shoddy Fake Merchandise

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Keen-eyed fans for the Portuguese top flight may well have noticed that Sporting Lisbon's kitman appeared to have a total nightmare ahead of Saturday night's game against Arouca.

Indeed, every single member of Sporting's starting XI took to the pitch with their names spelled incorrectly across the backs of their shirts.

Ouch: Lionel Messi Knocks Villarreal Fan Doolally With Wayward 25-Yarder (Video)

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Barcelona snatched a 2-2 drawfrom the jaws of victory on Sunday afternoon after surrendering a two-goal lead over Villarreal at El Madrigal.

Lionel Messi struggled to make much headway, with his uncharacteristically wayward shooting causing his opponents all kinds of trouble specifically in the stands behind the goal.

Newcastle Boss Rafa Benitez Spotted Wearing Novelty ‘South Park’ Socks During Sunderland Derby (Photo)

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Going into his first ever Tyne-Wear derby looking to stave off a seventh straight defeat for his new side, Rafa Benitez appeared to entrust Newcastle's fate to lucky socks at St James' Park yesterday afternoon.

Indeed, the Toon boss was spotted sporting a rather fetching pair of novelty socks featuring not South Park's inept lawman Officer Barbrady as first assumed but rather Eric Cartman in his police togs, shortly after receiving his first taste of AUTHORITAAH.

Man City Boss Manuel Pellegrini Walks Out On Interview After Being Quizzed About Poor Home Form (Video)

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Manuel Pellegrini's final season in charge of Manchester City looks to be turning rather sour after the Citizens were beaten 1-0 at home by rivals Man Utd. With a top-four finish now very much under threat, Pellegrini looks to be feeling the strain, walking out of a post-match interview after being questioned about his side's poor home form.

Hats Off To Hatem: Ex-Hull And Newcastle Schemer Ben Arfa Bags Net Another Fine Solo Goal (Video)

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Hatem Ben Arfa may have missed out on a place in Didier Deschamps' latest France squad, but the Nice attacking midfielder continues to shine in Ligue 1, netting another superb goal against GFC Ajaccio on Sunday.

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On 14 minutes, the former Newcastle and Hull wideman waltzed past two players before side-stepping another and firing the ball into the back of the GFC Ajaccio net.

Newcastle Fan Trips Over Homemade Rafa Benitez Banner, Takes Serious Tumble (Video)

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It's tough being a Newcastle United fan this season, with Steve McClaren's disastrous stewardship dragging the north-east giants down into the bottom three. For one member of the Toon Army, eager to welcome new manager Rafa Benitez ahead of the Tyne-Wear derby, there was yet another plummet in store, as she suffered a rather embarrassing fall.

Newcastle Fan Bungles Celebration With Aleksandar Mitrović After Striker Nets Late Equaliser v Sunderland (Video)

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A humdinger of a Tyne-Wear derby took place at St, James' Park on Sunday, with both Newcastle United and Sunderland fighting for their Premier League survival. Not surprisingly, passions were running high during the game, with one member of the Toon Army getting himself into a right pickleaway afterAleksandar Mitrović's 83rd minute equaliser.

Celtic Striker Colin Kazim-Richards Rescues Celebrating Fan From Steward In Kilmarnock (Video)

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Colin Kazim-Richards has yet to set Scotland alight since moving to Celtic in January. However, during the Hoops' hard-fought 1-0 win away toKilmarnock on Saturday, the striker endeared himself to the travelling support by rescuing a fan from an officious steward.

The incident happened after Celtic scored the only goal of the game, courtesy of sub Tom Rogic, a strike which sent the Bhoys' fans wild, with some of them spilling onto the pitch to celebrate with the players.

Crystal Palace Boss Alan Pardew Has Pop At Leicester And Jamie Carragher In Bitchy And Bitter Programme Notes

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Ahead of Crystal Palace's top-flight clash with Leicester City on Saturday, Eagles' boss Alan Pardew penned one of the oddest and bitterest set of programme notes you're ever likely to see.

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Spotted by Guardian journo Sachin Nakrani, Pardew's pre-match words firstly had a passive-aggressive dig at Leicester's incredible season, saying:

Unlike Leicester we have been unfortunate to lose key players for long periods.

Yoink: Leicester Defender Robert Huth Has Shirt Pulled Completely Off His Back By Scott Dann (Video)

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Not that they needed it in the end, but Leicester City had a fair old shout for a penalty against Crystal Palace this afternoon when Scott Dann had a wee tug on Robert Huth's shirt in a crowded 18-yard box.

Of course, when we say 'wee tug' what we actually mean is 'forcefully yanked Huth's jersey clean off his body'.

Perenially Injured Former Arsenal Star Abou Diaby Makes First Senior Appearance In 18 Months For Marseille v Rennes (Video)

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A player with the potential to be one of best midfielders in world football, Abou Diaby saw his career destroyed by a never-ending stream of injuries while at Arsenal. A move to Marseille last summer hinted at a return to the big time for the leggy midfielder and on Friday night, the resilient 29-year-old finally made his comeback against Rennes.

Fijne Verjaardag: Five Fascinating Facts About Ajax On The Club’s 116th Birthday

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Exactly 116 years ago today, AFC Ajax were founded in Amsterdam. Since then, they've gone on to become one of the world's most successful and iconic clubs. To mark the anniversary, here are five fantastic (totaal) footballing facts about the Dutch masters.

1.) Englishman Jack Reynolds managed the club in for different spells between 1915 and 1947.

Europa League Quarter-Final Draw: Liverpool To Play Borussia Dortmund Because Of Course They Are!

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Liverpool's reward for seeing off Manchester United in the last-16 of the Europa League is a quarter-final tie against Borussia Dortmund.

Who could have possibly seen that one coming? Jurgen Klopp is going back to the Westfalenstadion.The universe works in singularly un-mysterious ways some times.

Champions League Quarter-Final Draw: Man City Pitted Against PSG As ‘Big Three’ All Kept Seperate

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The balls have been plucked from the pots and the draw for the last eight of the 2015/16 Champions League has been made.

Into the quarters for the first time ever, Manchester City have been pitted against Chelsea-slayers PSG.

The UEFA Champions League Quarter-Final draw in full...

Wolfsburg vs Real Madrid

Bayern Munich vs Benfica

Barcelona vs Atletico Madrid

Paris St-Germain vs Manchester City

Well look at that little lot.

Liverpool Academy Player Jordan Williams In Trouble Over ‘Munich’ Tweet, Claims Account Was Hacked

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By Joseph Viney

Photo: Nick Taylor/Liverpool FC/Getty Images

Liverpool academy graduate Jordan Williams is the latest footballer to fall victim to the impulses of social media after sending a tweet purporting to mock the 1958 Munich air disaster.

The club have pledged to investigate after the 20-year-old midfielder – currently on loan at Swindon Town – responded to a video of Liverpool supporters celebrating after their 3-1 aggregate win over bitter rivals Manchester United with emojis of an aeroplane and a pair of hands clapping.

West Ham: Michail Antonio Gives Young Hammers Fans Adorable Masterclass In Goal Celebrations (Video)

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After a making start to his West Ham career so slow that owner David Gold felt the need to put out a missing persons pleafor him, Michail Antonio has found himself in amongst the goals since the turn of the year.

The former Nottingham Forest winger has notched six times for the Hammers since the end of December, laying on some intricate celebrations to match the 'Homer Simpson March' being just one example of his ever-expanding oeuvre.

Inevitable: Manchester United And Liverpool Hit With Plethora Of UEFA Charges After Europa League Clash

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Both Manchester United and Liverpool have been charged by UEFA after crowd troublepermeated the Europa League game between the two sides at Old Trafford last night.

The two teams were warned that UEFA were keeping a keen eye out for trouble after United fans aimed the usual pathetic 'Hillsborough'chants at the home supportduring the first leg at Anfield the week prior.

Daniele De Rossi Leaves 2006 World Cup-Winner’s Medal In Late Italy Kitman’s Coffin

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Sadly, Wednesday saw one of the Italian national team's most popular figures, Pietro Lombardi, laid to rest after the legendary Azzurri kitman passed away aged 92.

Lombardi, who wasknown as Spazzolino -'The Toothbrush' due to his rigorousboot-cleaning approach,served as kitman for many years and was an integral part of the back-room team at the 2006 World Cup, which Italy went on to win.

‘He’s A Thug’ – Ex-Referee Howard Webb Tears Into Marouane Fellaini After Man Utd Clash With Liverpool (Video)

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We're still not convinced that the addition of Howard Webb to the BT Sport coverage has really worked, with the former Premier League referee's sporadic, dull input rarely enlightening. However, after Manchester United's Europa League clash with Liverpool on Thursday night, Webb got animated and really laid into Marouane Fellaini.

Jinking Genius: Philippe Coutinho Nets Wonder-Goal As Liverpool Dump Man Utd Out Of Europa League (Video)

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A moment of magic from Philippe Coutinho helped see Liverpool through to the last eight of the Europa League after a 1-1 second-leg draw at Old Trafford on Thursday night.

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The Reds took a 2-0 first leg advantage into the heavyweight clash with Manchester United, but found themselves a goal down on the night, via an Anthony Martial penalty.

Match Abandoned: Five Memorable Games That Didn’t Go The Full 90 Minutes

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Scenes of the carnage amid the Battle of Bramall Lane, 2002

This week some 14 years ago, theFirst Division match between Sheffield United and West Brom was abandoned with the away side leading 3-0.

The reason? There were only six Bladesplayers left on the pitch.

United found themselves a man light after just nine minutes when goalkeeper Simon Tracey was sent-off for handling the ball outside the area.

Yuck: New England Kits For Euro 2016 Are Just As Underwhelming As We Feared (Official Photos)

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Photo: Nike.com

Looks like the most recent batch of leaked images were spot on. This is the new England kit for Euro 2016 and it's just about as dullas we feared.

Looking like cheapo training kits from the early 2000s, here are the new home and away strips in all their underwhelming glory.

‘The Source Quoted Died Two Years Ago’ – Porto Debunk Tabloid Story About Iker Casillas Being Bad-Mouthed By Their Club President In Spectacular Fashion

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Porto have come roaring to the defence of Iker Casillas and spectacularly debunked reports about theunder-fire goalkeeper that were circulating in the Spanish tabloid press earlier in the week.

El Confidencial claimed in midweekthat Casillas is miserable at Porto as well as runningquotes from club president Pinto da Costa suggesting that the feeling is very much mutual.

Reports: Chelsea Loan Dud Alexandre Pato To Return To Corinthians ‘Within The Next Few Weeks’

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Having not played a single minute for Chelsea since washing ashore at Stamford Bridge at the end of January, it's being reported that Alexandre Pato's barren stint in the Premier League might soon be at an end.

Clearly unfit and unfancied by Guus Hiddink, the Brazilian striker has made the Blues' bench just twice in the past month and a half since joining from Corinthians on a low risk six-month loan deal.

Leicester Grafter Danny Drinkwater Named In England Squad For Germany And Holland Friendlies

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Congratulations are most definitely due to Leicester City midfielder Danny Drinkwater, who has received his first ever call-up to the England squad for the upcoming Euro 2016 warm-up friendlies against Germany and the Netherlands.

Drinkwater, 26, has put in a hell of a shift in the middle for the Foxes this season, grafting away tirelessly while the likes of Jamie Vardy and Riyad Mahrez continue to gild the lily upfront.

Crystal Palace: Tony Pulis Ordered To Pay Back £3.5m ‘Survival Bonus’ After Walking Out On Club Days Before Start Of 2013/14 Season

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By Joseph Viney (@jjviney)

In news that should delight people who detestbaseball caps, former Crystal Palace boss Tony Pulis was yesterday ordered to pay back his old employers £3.5million in bonuses he received while at the club.

The current West Brom manager – also formerly of Stoke – will be forced to cough up £2million plus a further £1.

Hoddle Twaddle: BT Sport ‘Expert’ Claims He Watched Alvaro Morata Play For Italy Against England

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Juventus may have found themselves on the wrong end of Bayern Munich's incredible rallying prowess in the Champions League last night, but the Serie A side did emerge from the prolonged mauling with a few blessings to count.

One of which was the fantastic performance of striker Alvaro Morata, who ran the Bayern defence ragged with his constantburrowing down the channels before eventually setting up Juan Cuadrado for Juve's second goal with a brilliant barrelling chargefrom deep inside his own half.

Thomas Muller Reveals Pep Guardiola Motivated Bayern Munich To Stage Comeback Against Juventus By Threatening To Castrate Everybody

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With 70 minutes of their last-16 second legger against Juventus elapsed, it looked for all the world likeBayern Munich were going to be tumbling out of the Champions League in the not-so-distant future.

The Italian side raced into a 2-0 lead inside the first half-an-hour but two late goals from Robert Lewandowski and Thomas Muller (the latter coming in the 91st minute) ensured the Bayern would be gifted another 30 minutes of additional time to overturn the deficit completely.

Football Tat: West Ham Wave Farewell To Boleyn Ground By Flogging Foam Replicas Of Their Old Stadium (Photos)

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With the club set to up sticks and move to pastures new this summer, West Ham have decided to give Upton Park, their home of 111 years, the lavish send-off it so richly deserves.

On sale now in the 'Farewell Boleyn' section of the Hammers' online club shop; this dignified salute to the grand old stadium and all it represents.

Fight Fight Fight! Russian Second Tier Clash Descends Into Mass Brawl (Video)

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Despite the utter ridiculousness of fisticuffs on a football pitch, you can't beat a good old fashioned brawl for a bit of extra entertainment. In Russia's second-tier, FC Sibir Novosibirsk and Torpedo Moscow produced a classic mass brawl after a controversial late penalty decision.

With FC Sibir agoal up late on, Torpedo Moscow were awarded a controversial penalty kick, which they duly converted.

Champions League: Luis Suarez Nets Stunning Volley As Barcelona Beat Arsenal 3-1 At Nou Camp (Video_

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Once again, Arsenal's participation in the Champions League has ended in the Last 16, with the Gunners going down 3-1 to Barcelona on Wednesday night to lose the tie 5-1 overall.While Arsenal created enough chances to win the game, their lack of a world class striker once again hampered their performance.

‘I Sell Insurance’ – Ex-Liverpool ‘Keeper Pegguy Arphexad Finally Denies Rumours He Became A Porn Star After Retiring From Football

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'The Stopper' in action (Photo: Press Association)

Former Liverpool and Leicester City goalkeeper Pegguy Arphexad has finally responded to a long-standing internet rumour abouthis purported post-football career as an adult film star.

As the rumour in questionhad it, Arphexad starred in a porn movie under the pseudonym 'The Stopper' after retiring from football in 2005.

Official: Harry Redknapp Joins Derby As Director Of Football For Last Nine Games Of The Season

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It's official. 'Arry's on board at Derby County for reasons beyond our comprehension...

BREAKING NEWS: Harry Redknapp has joined #DCFC as a football advisor with immediate effect: https://t.co/WZDziqm3fX pic.twitter.com/zrhDNBKoRh

— Derby County (@dcfcofficial) March 16, 2016

The explanatory blurb on Derby's official site reads:

[Redknapp] will assist Head Coach Darren Wassall and the rest of the Rams coaching staff who are in post until the end of the season when a full review will be undertaken.

‘You Seem To Want The Club To Fail’ – Charlton Top Brass Release Incredibly Pithy Statement About Roland Duchatelet

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Photo: South London Press

Charlton Athletic have once again incurred fan wrath by releasing a defiant statement defending the much-maligned ownership regime of Roland Duchatelet.

The edict was issued in response to the protests that enveloped the weekend's win over Middlesbrough, which included a faux funeral procession staged in the streets around The Valley and a volley of beach balls being thrown onto the pitch in the first half.

Checked Out: Croatia’s New Euro 2016 Kit Is An Absolute Bobby Dazzler (Photos)

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Safe to say that Croatia are going to look the dog's danglies at Euro 2016 this summer, with the Croatian Football Federation (HFF) unveiling their new togs via their official Twitter account this very morning.

The kit is standard red and white chequerboard fare but with a slightly skewed design, giving it a slightly hypnotic quality.

Diehard Rangers Supporter Gets Nasty Shock After Slicing Into His Birthday Cake (Video)

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A dyed-in-the-wool Rangers fan got a fair old shock as he went digging into his birthday cake, after his workmates organised a prank cake for the big day.

The supporter in question, a chap named Iain, was presented with a rather ornate Rangers-themed cake at work, but the video of him taking a slice has proved to be something of a viral hit north of the border.

Classy As F**k: MK Dons Midfielder Banned From Cheltenham Festival After Being Caught ‘Urinating In Pint Glass’

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Photos via Sky News

The organisers of Cheltenham Festival have confirmed that a party of Championship footballershave had their booking cancelled after one of their number was photographer urinating in a glass on a balcony.

The player in question was MK Dons midfielder Sami Carruthers, who was caught by a photographer as he relieved himself into the pint pot while surrounded by racegoers and then had somebody else pour it over the balcony.

Champions League: Atletico Madrid Boss Diego Simeone Gets Animated On Touchline During Tense Clash With PSV (Video)

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Atletico Madrid booked their place in the last eight of the Champions League after a dramatic penalty shoot-out victory against PSV Eindhoven on Tuesday night. However, despite a second 0-0 draw between these two sides, Atletico boss Diego Simeone was his usual animated self on the touchline.

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Argentine coach Simeone kicked every ball throughout the 120 minutes of action.

Boardroom Disputes, Rent Hikes And Everton: The Controversial Birth Of Liverpool FC

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Football loves a good quarrel, and way back in 1892 on 15th March in fact one such disagreement led to the formation of a new football club in the north west of England.

The club was called Everton Athletic. These days, slightly confusingly, it's called Liverpool FC.

At the epicentre of the row wasJohn Houlding, president of Everton FC.

Gutted: Spare A Thought For The Leicester City Fan Whose Wife Forced Him To Give Up His Season Ticket Last Year

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By Joseph Viney (@jjviney)

It's a great time to be a Leicester fan right now. Not only are they on the cusp of pulling off one of the biggest shocks in English football history, but they're doing so in style with fast, flowing counter-attacking football. They are a joy to watch.

Football Tat: Liverpool Ruin Club Merchandise Forever With Rubbish New Line Of Klopp Krapp (Photos)

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Re-establishing their placeon the absolute jaggededge of thoroughly naff club merchandise, Liverpool have once again struck gold with a new collectionof Jurgen Klopp-inspired bric-a-brac.

Drawing inspiration from a tiresome Facebook meme that was inexplicably popular for five minutes a month or so ago, Liverpool's new range of Klopp Krapp urges everybody to 'be like Jurgen'.

Johan Neeskens Was Sold By Barcelona Because He Refused To Pass The Club President A Roll Of Toilet Paper

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Back in the 1970s, Johan Neeskens wasone of the coolest cats on the planet.

The lithe Dutch midfielder mixed steel and silk in equal measure and had already won all there was to win at club and European level with Ajax before he signed for Barcelona in 1974, reuniting with Johan Cruyff and Rinus Michels in the process.

Leicester City Have 12 Thai Monks To Thank For Their Incredible Rise To The Premier League Summit

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Thai monk Phra Prommangkalachan and his Leicester amulet (Photo: Christophe Archambault/AFP)

It's frankly disgusting thatClaudio Ranieri is prepared to sit there, grinning from ear to ear while he accepts plaudits from the world and his dog for overseeing Leicester City's phenomenal ascent to the summit of the Premier League when, in truth, the be-spectacledcharlatan has actually had minimal swayin the club's rise to the top.

Head Over Heels: Outrageous Okazaki Bicycle Kick Sends Leicester Five Points Clear In Title Race (Video)

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A returning Rafa Benitez failed to halt Leicester City's match towards an unexpected title, with the Spaniard's Newcastle United side going down 1-0 at the King Power. And that one goal came courtesy of a spectacular overhead kick from Japanese striker Shinji Okazaki.

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The game was rather poor throughout, with the Magpies disciplined and hard-working in their first game under their new Spanish coach.

Harry Redknapp Set To Join Derby County In Director Of Football Capacity

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The Guardian are reporting that Harry Redknapp is in advanced talks to join Derby County as director of football.

Redknapp could be appointed within the next 24 hours with the club eager to bring an experienced figure in to support the interim manager Darren Wassall, who replaced Paul Clement earlier this season.

Wolfsburg Fine Max Kruse After Forward Accidentally Leaves €75,000 In Taxi After World Series Poker Tournament

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We can only assume that Wolfsburg are hard up for cash at the moment given the exorbitant nature of the fines they've been doling out to their players of late.

A couple of weeks ago, Nicklas Bendtner was stung by the Volkswagen-owned clubafter being photographed getting into a non-VW car.

Momentous: Manchester United Have Found Themselves A New ‘Official Global Lubricant Partner’

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Image: ManUtd.com

Why, it only seems like yesterday that we were bringing you news of Manchester United's landmark deal with Japanese firm Yanmar to produce the club's first official piece of heavy-duty farm machinery.

Proving that these are indeed heady times at Old Trafford (despite what the largely dismal efforts on the pitch might have you believe), United have announced today that they can now boast the addition of an official "global lubricant partner" totheir ever-swelling corporate portfolio.

UEFA: Man Utd Escape Punishment Over Horrendous Hillsbrough Chants Sung During Europa League Defeat Against Liverpool

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UEFA have confirmed that Manchester United will not be punished after their fans sang offensive chants about the Hillsborough disaster during last week's Europa League game against Liverpool.

The awayfans at Anfield could clearly be heard singing "The Sun was right, you're murderers" at several junctures throughout the game.

Latest Leaked Images Of England’s Euro 2016 Home & Away Kits Look Incredibly Naff (Photos)

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As can be seen above, the last time we checked it looked as though England's kit for Euro 2016 were shaping up to be a svelte affair with a leaked mock-up showing a clean, crisp white shirt witha delicate smattering of sky blue detailing on the sleeves.

It was something a little bit different and we kind of liked it.

Reports: Chelsea Captain/Leader/Legend John Terry Offered First Step Into Management By Danish Side Brondby

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With his contractual situation up in the air at Chelsea, it's still fairly uncertain as to whether John Terry will actually be moving on this summer or not.

Assuming Mr Captain, Leader, Legend does part ways with his beloved Blues, it doesn't look like the 35-year-old centre-half will be out of work for long.

Retro Football: The Night Pele Played At Plymouth Argyle (Photos & Videos)

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In 1973, Pele was theinternational football superstar. So imagine the excited fervour when his employers, Santos, embarked on a friendly tour of Britain.

In March that year, Santos played friendlies at Fulham's Craven Cottage (Mr Nascimentocan be seen signing autographs before that game, above) and Plymouth Argyle's humble abode at Home Park.

Charlton Fans Stage Mock Funeral Precession Through Streets In Protest Over Belgian Ownership (Photo & Video)

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Photo: Daily Mirror

Charlton fans staged a mock funeral procession through the streetsoutside The Valley ahead of Sunday's Championship game against Middlesbrough.

The march was part of further widespread protests over Belgian owner Roland Duchatelet's shambolic running of the club asrelegation to League One remains a distinct possibility (despite an upturn in form of late).

Borussia Dortmund: 81,000 Fans Fall Eerily Silent After Fellow Supporter Suffers Fatal Heart Attack During Mainz Game (Photos & Video)

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Borussia Dortmund beat Mainz 2-0 in the Bundesliga yesterday but the score was rendered little more than moot after two fans suffered heart attacks during the game, one of which was sadly fatal.

News of the incidents quickly rippled around the Westfalenstadion, with 81,000 supporters falling eerily silent while the match was still in progress.

Officially Cool: Referee Unphased After Assault From Red-Carded Player In Italian Ninth Division (Video)

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A referee's lot is undoubtedly a hard one, particularly down in the muddydepths of the Italian Ninth Division. During the weekend's clash between Castel San Niccolo and Fortis Arezzo, the man in the middle showed remarkable coolness after being assaulted by a player.

The incident occurred after a player was shown a red card.

Dimitri Does It Again: Payet Arrows Home Wonder Free-Kick As West Ham Draw 1-1 With Man Utd (Video)

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West Ham have enjoyed a superb season under Slaven Bilic, with Dimitri Payet the star man for the Hammers. Away to Old Trafford in the FA Cup quarter-finals on Sunday, the eastenders secured a very decentdraw against Man Utd, with Payet's magnificent free-kick the moment of the match.

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Payet has netted a fabulous free-kick in the previous round of the competition, against Blackburn, and on 68 minutes at Old Trafford, the former Marseille manonce againfired home a powerful curling effort past David De Gea.

Gooner Meltdown: Silly Arsenal Fans Fight Outside Emirates After FA Cup Loss To Watford (Video)

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In Arsene We Trust v Wenger Out the great Gooner debate continued outside the Emirates on Sunday after the north Londoners were dumped out of the FA Cup by Watford.

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Understandably angry after yet another below-par performance from Arsenal, fans squared up to each other outside the Emirates in rather pathetic scenes.

Boom: Guedioura Howitzer Fires Watford To Wembley, Sends Holders Arsenal Out Of FA Cup (Video)

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Holders Arsenal were dumped out of the FA Cup at the Emirates on Sunday, with Watford winning 2-1 to book their place in the last four at Wembley. As usual, the Gunners had plenty of chances to win the game in the first-half, but failed to make their dominance count, leaving the Hornets to secure the win in the second-half.

The Tooth Is Out There: Chelsea Assure Everybody That Diego Costa Didn’t Bite Gareth Barry

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Chelsea have taken the time to kindly assure us all that Diego Costa did not gnaw on Gareth Barry's neck in the act of getting himself sent-off in yesterday's FA Cup quarter-final at Goodison.

The striker spent the majority of the match attempting to rile his opponents up, tangling with Barry on several occasions before finally seeing red in the 84h minute.

FA Cup: Lukaku Nets Wonder-Goal, Costa Sees Red After ‘Bite’ As Everton Down Chelsea (Photos & Video)

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Following their midweek exit from the Champions League at the hands of PSG, Chelsea's last hopes of a trophy this season came to an end at Goodison Park on Saturday evening, with the Blues beaten 2-0. Chelsea cast-off Romelu Lukaku was the star of the show, netting both goals for the hosts while Diego Costa was at his petulant worst once again, seeing red late on after seemingly biting Gareth Barry.

FA Cup: Fan Cautioned By Police For ‘Singing Crystal Palace Songs In The Street’ After Victory Over Reading

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On Friday night, Crystal Palace booked their place in the semi-finals of the FA Cup after securing a 2-0 win away to Reading, courtesy of a penaltyfrom Yohan Cabaye(after Jake Cooper had seen red)and a late strike from Fraizer Campbell. Not surprisingly, the travelling supporters was rather glad with the result, with one Palace fan's celebrations falling foul, rather harshly, of the local police.

Penarol ‘Keeper Forced To Apologise After Mum Calls Into Radio Phone-In And Criticises His Teammate

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You're never too old to be embarrassed by your mum

The man you see here is oneDamian Frascarelli, otherwise known as the back-up Penarol goalkeeper who recently had to apologise to the Uruguayan club's first-choice stopper after his dear old mother called into a radio phone-in and criticisedhimlive on air.

Everton: Seamus Coleman Donates £5,000 Of His Own Money To Help Young Fan With Rare Illness Make VIP Trip To Goodison

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Everton right-back and all round nice guy Seamus Coleman has donated £5,000 to help a young Toffees fan realise his dream of watching a match at Goodison Park next season.

Daire Flanaganwas born witha rare genetic disorder called Apert Syndrome and as such wasn't expected to live longer than 48 hours.

Serie A: Paulo Dybala Nets Magnificent Curler For Juventus v Sassuolo, After Superb Work From Chelsea Flop Juan Cuadrado (Video)

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Never short of a world-class striker or two, Argentina have done it again with pint-sized hitmanPaulo Dybala. Since moving from Palermo to Serie A heavyweights Juventus last summer, the forward has blossomed into a true superstar,with his goals helping to fire the Old Lady back to the top of the table.

Midfield Masterclass: 10 Heavenly Minutes Of Xavi Moving The Ball Around Effortlessly For Al-Sadd (Video)

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While he may not be competing at Barcelona-esque levels these days, Xavi has proved that he's not simply fobbing it off as he tops up his pension pot out in Qatar.

Now aged 36 and almost two years removed from his spiritual home at the Camp Nou, the diminutive maestrolooksas nimble and fluid as ever, as this wonderful highlight reel of his 2015/16 season with Al-Sadd duly attests.

Mansfield Forward Adi Yussuf Given Five-Match Ban For Urinating Behind One Of Plymouth’s Stands

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"Do you mind? I'm trying to take a leak here..."

Mansfield winger Adi Yussuf has been hit with a five-match ban for the heinous crime of going for a quicktinkleduring a recent game.

Yussuf was handed a misconduct charge by the FA after he disappeared round the back of a stand during The Stag's League Two game against Plymouth Argyle at Home Park in mid-February.

Official: Rafa Benitez Attempts Geordie Accent After Being Sworn In As Newcastle Manager (First Photo)

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Photo: Newcastle United FC

The big switcheroo is complete. Rafa Benitez has now been officially appointed as the new Newcastle United manager.

He's also wasted no time in havinga stab at the notoriously tricky local vernacular, if sources are to be believed...

Rafa's first words as Newcastle boss pic.

On This Day In 1972: Jack Charlton Plays 600th Game For Leeds, Receives Nice New Clock For His Troubles (Photo)

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Jack Charlton of Leeds, circa 1970 (Photo: Press Association)

On this very day, 11th March, back in 1972, the hardnut's hardnut Jack Charlton played his 600th game for Leeds United.

Hewent on to make a total of 629 league appearances for Leeds and 762 overall. Both tallies are club records that will probably stand forever.

O…kay: Granada Midfielder Javi Marquez Names His Newborn Baby Son After Luka Modric

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Slightly puzzling, granted, but Granada midfielder Javi Marquez has gone and named his newborn son after one of his La Liga counterparts.

Thesprog turned upon Thursday morning and Marquez decided there and then to name him after a Real Madrid star though perhaps not one of the more obvious candidates.

Pele To Auction Off Some Of His Nick-Nacks, Collection Include Jules Rimet Trophy (Worth £400,000) And Two World Cup-Winner’s Medals

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Pele has decided to clear out a bit of space in his loft and as such a whole treasure trove of the legendary Brazil striker's personal mementos are about to come up for sale.

The pristine collection, put together by Julian's Auctioneers, is comprised of almost 2,000 separate items.

Included arePele's own personal Jules Rimet Trophy, two of his gold World Cup Winner's Medals from 1958 and 1970 and even a makeshift ball (made from rolled-up socks) thatO Reiused to hoof around the streets as a child.

Official: Newcastle Terminate Steve McClaren With Immediate Effect

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Looks like somebody's just heard the good news!

Indeed, the deed is done. Newcastle have just announced that Steve McClaren has been sacked by the club with immediate effect after nine months in charge.

McClaren won just six of his 28 games in charge at the Toon. They are currently second bottom of the Premier Leaguetable, a point or two from safety with 10 games of their season remaining.

Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang: Tottenham Got ‘Weird’ With Me During Negotiations

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Shortly after showing Tottenhamwhat they missed out on in the Europa League last night, Borussia Dortmund striker Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang revealed that he very nearly joined the Premier League side back in 2012.

The Gabon international opened talks over a move to Harry Redknapp's mob but subsequently walked awayafter negotiationsbecame- in his words "a bit weird".

Burnley Defender Michael Keane ‘Thought It Was 1996’ After Suffering Serious Concussion

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Photo: Jan Kruger/Getty Images

So serious was the concussion suffered by Michael Keane during a recent match that the brawny Burnley centre-back woke up thinking it was the year of our lord 1996.

Keane has revealed that he lost two entire decades when he clashed heads with an opponentinside the firsthalf-an-hour ofthe Claret's 2-0 win over Rotherham on 20th February.

Reports: Jose Mourinho Confirms He’ll Start Work With A New Club In July

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After being jettisoned by Chelsea in December, Jose Mourinho has confirmed that he plans to haul himself back up into the managerial saddle at the end of the current season.

Speaking while filming an interview with BT Sport which is set to air later this week, Mourinho said that he plans to start working with anew club inJuly.

Europa League: Man Utd Fans Sing Vile Hillsborough Chant In Europa League Clash With Liverpool At Anfield (Video)

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Two of the great clubs of English, and indeed, world football met at Anfield on Thursday night in the Europa League last 16, with Liverpool registering a deserved 2-0 first leg victory. However, while a clash between two old rivals was always going to produce a certain level of friction between the two sets of fans, one chant in particular, sung by the visiting supporters,left a rather sour taste in the the mouth.

Europa League: Marco Reus Nets Sublime Team Goal As Borussia Dortmund Down Tottenham 3-0 (Video)

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With one eye on the Premier League title, Spurs boss Mauricio Pochettino decided to send out a weakened team at the Westfalenstadion on Thursday night, with unsurprising consequences.

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With the likes of Harry Kane and Erik Lamela on the bench, the Lilywhites were second-best from the start, withPierre-Emerick Aubameyang's header sending Dortmund in at the break 1-0 up.

Bayern Munich: Robert Lewandowski Reveals He Was A Yoghurt Throwing, Cigarette Smoking, Car Racing Bad Boy In New Autobiography

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Imagevia BILD

Robert Lewandowski has revealed that before he found his niche banging in goals for fun in the Bundesliga, he was something a bad boy with a glint in his eye, a yoghurt (specifically for throwing at police stations) in his pocket and a penchant for not playing by the rules.

Sergio Aguero Confirms He Plans To Leave Man City ‘After The 2018 World Cup’

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The bad news for Manchester City fans is that Sergio Aguero has once again reiterated his plans to return to his boyhood club Independiente.

The good news, however, is that Kun isn't planning to bugger off for at least another couple of years not until after the 2018 World Cup in Russia at the earliest.

Young Lad Pulls Off Amazing Triple Trick Shot Through Basketball Hoop In His Back Garden (Video)

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A gentlemanly doff of the cap is definitely due to this young lad by the name of Sam, who submitted the following video as part of MotD Kickabout's open call for DIY trick shot footage.

As you're about to see, Sam absolutely nails a triple salvo, smoothly clipping his football through the basketball hoop in his back garden three times in a row, and all with nothing but socks on his feet!

Retro Football: Cardiff 1-0 Real Madrid (1971) And Five Other Brilliant Scoreline Shockers

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Photo: Press Association

On 10th March 1971, Cardiff City pulled offone of the greatest results in their history, and one of the biggest upsets in the entire football pantheon, when they beat Real Madrid by a single goal to nil.

Riding high in Europeafter becoming the first non-top flight club to reach the semi-finals of the Cup Winner's Cup in 1968, the Bluebirds' '71 vintage went on to achieve something perhaps even more special against Los Blancos' star-studded side.

Brondby Coach Resigns After Chairman Confesses To Using Pseudonym To Heckle Him Online

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The slightly haunted-looking chap you see afore ye is Brondby coach Thomas Frank or to be perfectly exact, former Brondby coach Thomas Frank.

You see, Frank has walked away fromthe Danish top-flight side after his own chairman used a pseudonym to criticise himonan online fan forum.

Reports: Rafa Benitez Agrees Three-Year Deal To Take Over At Newcastle United

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Rafa Benitez has agreed a three-year deal to take over at Newcastle United.

Not our words; the words of the The Daily Express, who cite Spanish sources (specifically Cadena Cope radio station)who claim to be privy to the fact that Benitezhas signed a deal to replace Steve McClaren at the Toon's cursed helm.

Rosenborg Players Attempt To Score Volleys From Roof Of 74m Tower Block Next To Their Stadium (Video)

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Photo: Scandic Norway/Youtube

With the Norwegian league not due to fart back into life until this coming weekend, Rosenborg decided to warm their players up by allowing club sponsors Scandic Lerkendal set up a little challenge for them.

Basically, Scandic tasked several Rosenborg players to simply tuck away a volley or two in the safe confines of their empty stadium.

Eden Hazard Swaps Shirt With Angel Di Maria At Half-Time As PSG Dump Chelsea Out Of Champions League (Photos & Video)

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Chelsea's Champions League dreams were snuffed out at Stamford Bridge on Wednesday night, with Paris Saint-Germain winning 2-1 at Stamford Bridge to progress to the quarter-finals via a 4-2 aggregate victory.

Adding insult to injury, the sight of Blues' winger Eden Hazard swapping shirts with Angel Di Maria at half-time left a lot of Chelsea fans rather unimpressed.

Benoit Assou-Ekotto Claims He Buys €30 Football Boots Off Ebay As He’d ‘Rather Be Free Than A Sponsor’s Prostitute’

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Ex-Tottenhamfull-back Benoit Assou-Ekotto has renounced all sporting sponsorship deals, claiming he'd rather play inthe cheapo boots he buys online than live the life ofa corporate whore.

Assou-Ekotto, who nowplies his trade in Ligue 1 with Saint-Etienne, told Canal +:

I'd rather be free than prostitute myself for a sponsor.

Guess Who’s Back? Sunderland Sign Emmanuel Eboue On 10-Game Contract In Effort To Thwart Relegation

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Photo: @SunderlandAFC/Twitter

Emmanuel Eboue isback, that's who! Sunderland have officially completed a deal to sign the Ivorian loonon a short-term deal until the end of the season.

The former Arsenal right-back, now 32, hadbeen training with the Black Cats for a number of weeks and even turned out for their Under-21 side a few days ago.

The Big Freeze: All 20 Premier League Clubs Agree To Introduce £30 Cap On Away Tickets

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The Premier League has announced thatall top flight clubs have agreed to cap the price of tickets for away fans at £30 for the next three seasons.

Ticket prices haveproved a particularly thorny issue of late, with many supporters staging angry protests about the soaring price of attending football matches both home and away.

Newcastle United vs Nottingham Forest, 1974: The Most Controversial FA Cup Replay Of All Time?

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Malcolm 'Supermac' MacDonald scores the winning goal for Newcastle during their FA Cup 6th round, second replay against Forest, March 1974

As the football authorities continue to ponder whether to sound the death knell for cup replays altogether, it's perhaps timely to remember one of the most controversial FA Cup replays in football history.

Shit Lookalike: Matt Ritchie & Gordon Ramsay

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Like two petit pois in a seasonal kale and auberginereductionpod, it's Bournemouth scrapper Matt Ritchie and celebrity kitchen bully Gordon Ramsay.

This episode of Shit Lookalikes is brought to you by the word 'furrowed'...

Got a Shit Lookalike for Pies? Is it a bit shit? Email it over to us atwaatpies@gmail.

Italian Band Turn Guardian Journalist Barney Ronay’s Leicester City Article Into Haunting Acoustic Ballad (Video)

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Italian band Marcilo Agro or more specifically, the band's football-related side project, Marcilo Agro FC have managed the astonishing feat of turning a Guardian column into a haunting, lilting acoustic ballad.

The article in question is Barney Ronay's treatise on Leicester City ('Don't Call Leicester A Fairytale You'll Miss What They're Doing') writtenback in January, in which the Guardian scribe implored neutral fans to give the flying Foxes the full and proper credit they are so undeniably due.

Barcelona: Gerard Pique Accosted By Hysterical Fan While Attempting Live Periscope Broadcast (Video)

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It's being reported in the Spanish press this week that Gerard Pique's relentless use of thePeriscope* app is beginning to worry the top brass at Barcelona.

Basically, the club are concerned that the candid videos being posted by Pique on social media are undermining their continued attempts to restrict press intrusion.

Ex-Man Utd ‘Keeper Edwin Van Der Sar To Come Out Of Retirement At The Grand Old Age Of 45

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Edwin van der Sar's last competitive appearance came for Manchester United in the 2011 Champions League Final.

His next will come in theHoofdklasse B the second tier of the Dutch amateur league.

At the grand old age of 45, Van der Sar has agreed to reverse his decision to retire on a special one-off basis in order to turn out for his boyhood club, VV Noordwijk.

Hummel Produce New Afghanistan Kit That Comes Complete With Built-In Hijab (Photos)

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Photo: Hummel

Hummel have cooked up a batch of new kits for the Afghanistan international side, with the women's kit coming complete with its own built-in hijab.

The kits were launched on International Women's Day, with Hummel keen to point out that the female shirt comes with an intergrated base layer that allows Muslim players to be covered from head to toe while still playing in comfort.

Reports: Steve McClaren Declared ‘Dead Man Walking’ At Newcastle As Rafa Benitez Primed To Step In

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With Newcastle mired in the relegation zone, the papers are going big this morning with reports that Steve McClaren is within hours of being removed from his post at St James' Park.

Such is their wont, The Sun have gone all out and declared that McClaren is now a "dead man walking" at Newcastle, with the club desperate to bring in Rafa Benitez for the last 10 games of the Premier League season.

Top Totti: Roma Legend Gets Standing Ovation At Bernabeu v Real Madrid (Video)

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Undoubtedly one of the most gifted players of his generation, Roma playmaker Francesco Tottiis now well into the autumn of his career. During theGiallorossi's Champions League Last 16 second leg clash with Real Madrid on Tuesday night, Totti made a cameo appearance,receiving an incredible reception from the fans of both clubs.

Arsenal Fans Unfurl Anti-Wenger Banner Despite Gunners’ 4-0 Win At Hull In FA Cup

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FA Cup holders Arsenal booked their place in the last eight of this season's competition after a convincing 4-0 replay victory away at Hull City. However, a group of travelling fans showed their disapproval as the club's recent poor form by unveiling a banner urging manager Arsene Wenger to go.

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Both Tigers' boss Steve Bruce and Wenger decided to rest a number of key players, however, it was two of the Gunners's experienced attackers who would get among the goals at the KC Stadium, with new dad Olivier Giroud and Theo Walcott bagging a brace each.

PSG’s Official Twitter Account Refer To Chelsea Striker Diego Costa As A ‘Fraud’

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PSG have taken the pre-match tack of referring to Chelsea striker Diego Costa as a "fraud" ahead of the Champions League meeting between the two sides on Wednesday night.

The Ligue 1 side's official Twitter account posted a Vine which challenged fans to find"l'imposteur" among a rapid-fire slide show of masked cartoon characters, superheroes and villains one of which beinga photo of Costa in his face mask.

Palermo President Maurizio Zamparini Sacks Coach Giuseppe Iachini For THIRD Time This Season

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"Hello again old friend. Long time, no sack"

It's official. Palermo's delightfully zanyowner Maurizio Zamparini has gone and sacked coach Giuseppe Iachini for the THIRDtimethisseason, which surely must be some sort of record.

Palermo had actually managed to haul themselves off the foot of the Serie A since the last time we dipped in, but a run of seven games without a win has seen coach Iachini who was only brought back into the fold in late January succumb to Zamparini's infamously sensitive trigger finger once again.

Brazilian Flair: 62-Year-Old Sport Recife Coach Falcao Brings Down Wayward Ball With Ridiculously Athletic First Touch (Video)

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He may be 62 going on 63, but former Brazil international Falcao showed he still boastsa bloody impressive range of movement during a recentCampeonato Pernambucano encounter.

Watching his Sport Recife side in action against Nautico at the weekend, Falcao suddenly found himself directly underneath a misplacedlong ball that was pinged out of play.

When Legends Move On: Bobby Moore And Other Club Heroes Who Left Their Spiritual Homes

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Fulham new boys (left-right) Bobby Moore, Flemming Hanssen and Alan Mullery, July 1974

It was on the 8th March, 1974 that West Ham reluctantly transfer-listed the greatest player in the club's history – Bobby Moore.

Aged 32, the great man informedthe club he fancieda new challenge after 18 years at the Hammers,and would eventually move to across the capital to Fulham.

Real Madrid: Gareth Bale Has Started Cutting Holes In His Socks To Help Stave Off Calf Injuries

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Gareth Bale has come up with a novel solution to help combat the recurring calf muscle injury that has already sidelined him on three separate occasions so far this season.

After spending the past sixweeks nursing yet another calf strain, Bale came off the bench to score in Real Madrid's 7-1 obliteration of Celta Vigo at the weekend.

‘He Was Amazing’ – Paul Ince Reckons Stig Inge Bjornebye Was The Best Player He Played With At Liverpool

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At the peak of his powers, Paul Incerepresented several of the biggest clubs in European football, not to mention his countryon more than 50 occasions.

Indeed, Ince had the honour of playing alongside an entire constellation of 1990s stars, including the likes of Youri Djorkaeff, Eric Cantona, Roberto Carlos, Bryan Robson, Ryan Giggs, Javier Zanetti, Roy Keane, Robbie Fowler, Tony Adams, Paul Gascoigne and Alan Shearer.

Crystal Palace Fan Launches ‘Anti-Diving’ Petition To Have Christian Benteke Banned And Liverpool Docked Six Points

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Another day, another bloody petition.

Indeed, one Crystal Palace fan was left sufficiently irked in the wake ofSunday's controversial 2-1 defeat against Liverpool that he felt compelled to lobby the FA.

After watching Christian Benteke go a-sprawlin' in the box to win a 94th-minute penalty, aggrieved Palace supporter Adam Greeves launched a Charge.

Seismic Activity: Leicester City Fans Register On Richter Scale After Celebrating Last-Gasp Winner Against Norwich

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A couple of weeks back, Leicester City fans celebrated Leonardo Ulloa's 89th-minute winner against Norwich so boisterously that they actually managed to register on the Richter scale.

We know this thanks to the fine work of the geology students at Leicester University, who saw a spike in their seismic readings at the precise moment Ulloa popped up to nab the winner at the King Power Stadium.

Reports: Nigerian Man ‘Stabbed To Death’ After Argument About Lionel Messi And Cristiano Ronaldo Boils Over

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Can't we all just get along?

It's being reported that a man has been stabbed to death in India after an argument with his supposed friend about Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo boiled over somewhat.

The Guardian have it that Nigerian nationalMichael Chukwuma, 21, stabbed his 34-year-old compatriot Obina Durumchukwu at a rented flat in the suburbs of Mumbai on Sunday following a row over who wasthe best footballer in the world, Messi or Ronaldo.

On This Day In 2010: Steve McClaren And FC Twente Seize Opportunity To Go Top In Historic Title-Winning Campaign

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This season's Premier League title race is not only exciting because it looks like going to the wire, but also because there's a more than decent chance we might end up with a new name on the trophy at long last.

As such, it's perhaps fitting that, six years ago today, another newcomer to nouveau title glory emerged in the Netherlands.

Traumtor: German Amateur Player Harnesses Wind Power To Score From Just Outside Own Penalty Box (Video)

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Let 'er rip, slick

Over in the German amateur strata, FC Blau-Weiss Busdorfmaintained their two-point lead at the top of theKreisliga C table by way ofa convincing 6-0 win overPulheimer SC II on Sunday.

While we can't speak for five of the goals, Blau-Weiss midfielderMehmet Tüner Gürel most definitely had the elements to thank for his.

Animal Rights Group Concerned After Barnsley Fan Smuggles Pet Hamster Into League One Match (Video)

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Barnsley kept their fine run of form going nicely with a 3-1 away win over Walsall in League One on Saturday, in front of a reported crowd of 5,199 at the Bescott Stadium.

Actually, it has since emerged that the attendance was actually a nice round 5,200as, for reasons we don't even begin to understand, one Barnsley fan decided to smuggle his pet hamster, Hector, into the ground with him in the hood of his jumper.

Stretcher FAIL: Injured Player Carried Off By Teammate After Being Dropped By Bumbling Medics (Video)

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Maccabi Ahi Nazareth managed to pilfer a slim 1-0 away victory at Maccabi Herzliya in the Israeli second tier over the weekend, though the one notable highlight was provided by the hapless medical team on duty at the Municipal Stadium.

With Nazareth'sMoamen Saleh going down injured, the two physios came lolloping on to cart him off.

FAIL: Porto ‘Keeper Iker Casillas Drops Massive Clanger After Sweeper-Keeper Cock-Up Against Braga (Video)

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Let's all blame Manuel Neuer for this! On Sunday night against Sporting Braga, former Real Madrid great Iker Casillas made a right mess of the 'sweeper-keeper' role, going walkabout for no apparent reason and duly conceding an embarrassing late goal which handed Braga a 3-1 win,

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With the ball lofted forwards to midfielder Alan, Casillas decided to race 40 yards up the pitch to challenge the Braga man, despite Porto having enough bodies to stem the attack.

Eagles In A Flap: Crystal Palace Boss Alan Pardew Rages At Sky Sports’ Geoff Shreeves After Late Penalty Hands Liverpool Victory At Selhurst Park (Video)

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From head-butting an opposition player on the side of the pitch to verbally abusing the likes of Manuel Pellegrini and Arsene Wenger, Alan Pardew has always had 'issues' with histemper. And after Crystal Palace's dramatic 2-1 defeat to Liverpool on Sunday, the Eagles' boss struggled to keep his cool with Sky Sports interviewer Geoff Shreeves.

CSMS Iasi ‘Keeper Pulls Off Outrageous Point-Blank Triple Save Amid Manic Goalmouth Scramble (Video)

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CSMS Iasi went down 2-0 at home to CFR Cluj in the Romanian top flight on Saturday evening, but it could (and probably should) have been three were in not for the superhuman efforts of their Italian goalkeeper,Alessandro Caparco.

With all hell breaking loose in his penalty area, Caparco somehow managed to pull off a string of point-blank reaction saves to keep Cluj at bay.

Bad Timing: Accrington Stanley Denied v AFC Wimbledon After Referee Blows For Half-Time With Goal-Bound Effort In Mid-Flight (Video)

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Referee Trevor Kettle found himself in the midst of a storm of controversy at Kingsmeadow on Saturday, with the official blowing his whistle for half-time just as an Accrington Stanley shot was headed for the corner of the AFC Wimbledon net.

The incident occurred when visitors Stanley were pressing for the opening goal, with striker Billy Kee turning in the Dons' box before firing a goal-bound effort past 'keeper Kelle Roos.

Pep Talk: Guardiola Lectures Joshua Kimmich On Pitch After Bayern Munich Draw 0-0 With Borussia Dortmund (Video)

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A Bundesliga clash of the titans took place on Saturday night, with league leaders Bayern Munich drawing 0-0 with second-placed Borussia Dortmund at theWestfalenstadion. While the goalless draw keeps Bayern five points clear of the Black and Yellows, manager Pep Guardiola was anything but a happy bunny.

Toon Torment: Fan Throws Season Ticket At Newcastle Dugout After Miserable Magpies Lose 3-1 At Home To Bournemouth (Photos)

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Steve McClaren's tenure at St. James' Park could well be coming to a close, after Newcastle Unitedsuffered a 3-1 home defeat to Bournemouth on Saturday, a result which sees the Magpies stay in the bottom three, one point from safety. Understandably, the defeat wasn't appreciated by the Toon Army, with one fan throwing their season ticket at the dugout in disgust.

Derby Drama: Ramsey And Kane Score Crackers As Tottenham And Arsenal Battle To Dramatic 2-2 Draw (Video)

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This was always going to be a momentous clash and boy, did it live up to the pre-game hype, with Tottenham and Arsenal producing an action-packed affair.

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The hosts got off to the better start, but found David Ospina (in for the injured Petr Cech) in fine form. Then, on 39 minutes, the Gunners took the lead, with Aaron Ramsey delightfully flicking home after good work from Danny Welbeck and Hector Bellerin.

Fan Cashes Out On Leicester To Win The Premier League For Over £29,000

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Photo: Ladbrokes

The Leicester fan who stood to land a£100,000 windfall if his side wins the Premier League this season has cashed out his bet and gone home with over£29,000 in his back pocket.

Foxes fan John Pryke stuck an optimistic £20 on Leicester to win the title at the start of the season.

Football Manager And PES Remove Adam Johnson From Their Games, FIFA Struggle To Follow Suit

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Both Football Manager and Pro Evolution Soccer have announced that all trace of Adam Johnson has been wiped from their databases following the disgraced footballer's conviction for child sex offences.

According to Digital Spy, SEGA confirmed that Johnson has been removed from the Football Manager database while Konami followed suit by announcing that he will be scratched from the PES 2016 game as soon as the latest roster update is released in March.

Introducing ‘US Sports Supremo’ Charlie Stillitano: The Man Who Is Actively Trying To Destroy Football

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Charlie Stillitano (right) is a man on a shitty, shitty mission

Earlier this very week,we were told that high-ranking officials from five of the Premier League's biggest cash cows met at a super secret location (the Dorchester Hotel on Park Lane, Mayfair, London) to discuss potentially forming some sort of axis-of-evil breakaway Super League with an American billionaire.

Shutter Bugs: Cameraman Engulfed By Swarm Of Moths During Brazilian Cup Game (Video)

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As you well know,Juazeirense successfully saw off Santa Cruz in theCopa do Nordeste on Thursday evening Marcos 'Keno' da Silva slotting in the decisive goal in the 50th minute to settle the game in the home side's favour.

However, the real action was taking place just off the pitch, directly underneath one of the floodlights, where one poor cameraman was busy being almost entirely engulfed by a cloud of moths.

Goals, Goals, Goals: Football’s Biggest Winning Margins

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Ipswich Town fans, look away now. Exactly 21 years ago today, the Tractor Boys were thrashed 9-0 by Manchester United at Old Trafford in what is still the biggest winning margin in Premier League history.

Scorers for United on the daywere Andrew (néeAndy) Cole with five, Mark Hughes with a couple and Roy Keane and Paul Ince with one each.

Old Habits: Robbie Savage Scythes Down Young Female Player During Sport Relief Charity 5-A-Side Match (Video)

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Photo: Steve Searle/WENN (via Daily Mail)

As you may well be aware, two teams led by Alan Shearer and Robbie Savage are currently part way througha mammoth 57-hour game of 5-a-side being staged outside the BBC building in Salford Quays in order to raise money for Sport Relief.

The epic duel began on Thursday morning and is scheduled to end on Saturday evening, with the oddly-specific duration chosen as 57 hours is the exact amount of football played by one Premier League team over the course of a season.

Retro Football: John ‘Fash The Bash’ Fashanu Discusses His Martial Arts Expertise (Video)

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"We all read the newspapers"

Never the most technically adeptstriker, John Fashanu tended to make up for anyshortcomings in finesse bywhat's known in the trade as 'putting it about a bit'.

A deeply cerebral and spiritual man, Fashanu sought to intellectualise his lumpen stylebykidding himself thathis violently-chucked elbows were a staunch elementof his profound martial arts expertise.

Manchester United Sign Deal With ‘Agricultural Vehicle Partners’ Yanmar To Produce Official Club Tractor (Photo)

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Photo: Yanmar Global

With Liverpool securing themselves an all-important 'official coconut water provider' recently, Manchester United have moved quickly to nudge their noses back in front in the sector-specific commercial partnership stakes.

Indeed, United have struck a deal with Japan-basedmanufacturersYanmar (who are already proud to call themselves the club's official diesel engine suppliers) to produce a Manchester United-themed tractor.

FAIL: Chelsea Loanee Papy Djilobodji Scores Impressive Cool, Calm And Composed Own-Goal (Video)

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Wily old fox Claudio Pizarro scored a hat-trick as Werder Bremen stormed to a 4-1 away win over Bayer Leverkusen in the Bundesliga last night.

However, it was Leverkusen's consolation goal that provided the true highlight of the match, with Chelsea loanee Papy Djilobodji nodding home an impressively composed header into his own net in the 69th minute.

Fulham Hire Web Expert To ‘Catfish’ Their Own Players And Demonstrate The Dangers Of Flirting Online

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Fulham have been busywarning their players about the perils of flirting with fans on social media by duping them into thinking they were interacting with a 16-year-old female fan.

In reality, the players were actually chatting to a web expert who was hired by the club to pose as a teenage girl the idea being toshock the club's younger players into being more cautious when using Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and the like.

Better Than Ozil: West Ham’s Dmitri Payet Beats Big Names To London Premier League Player Of The Year Gong

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At a swanky awards ceremony in Battersea on Thursday night, West Ham playermaker was named London's Premier League player of the year, beating Mesut Ozil, Willian, Harry Kane and Odion Ighalo (I didn't know Watford was in the capital?) to the award.

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The French schemer made an instant impact at the Boleyn Ground since his summer move from Marseille, with his guile and goals firing the Hammers into the Premier League top six.

When Managers Go Mad: 6 Fine Examples Of Gaffers Blowing Their Gaskets

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Bobby Gould (left) during his time in charge at Coventry City(Photo via)

On 3rd March 1983, Bristol Rovers manager Bobby Gould took the executive decision to fine himself £200.

Some weeks before, he'd taken what we will politely describe as "strong verbal exception" to the decisions made by the referee in a game against Bradford City.

Riyad Mahrez Admits He Thought Leicester City Were A Rugby Team Before He Joined Them

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Having spent his formative years plugging away in the lower recesses of the French leagues, Riyad Mahrez has openly admitted that his knowledge of Leicester City was fairly limited at the point they made their move to sign him back in January of 2014.

In fact, Mahrez initially assumed Leicester were a rugby club, given that most sport fans in France are generally more au fait with the Foxes' egg-chasing neighbours from nearby Welford Road.

Liverpool Boss Jurgen Klopp Guffaws After Hearing Bayern Munich Lost To His Old Side Mainz (Video)

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There was hardly what you might call a statesmanlikeresponse from Jurgen Klopp when the Liverpool boss caught wind that Bayern Munich were losing to his old side Mainz in the Bundesliga last night...

Tell us how you really feel, Jurgen.

Having won all of theirhome games inall competitions this season going into the tie, Bayern proceeded to lose 2-1to Mainz at the Allianz Arena.

Smackeroo: Russell Brand Gives Slaven Bilic Big Kiss After West Ham Slog To 1-0 Win Over Tottenham (Photos)

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West Ham boss Slaven Bilic got a little more than he bargained for after watching his side seal a nifty 1-0 win over Tottenham last night.

Never mind pretty bubbles, a mood of distilled jubilation was in the air as The Hammers moved to within a point of the Champions League spots with a narrow victory over their London rivals.

Incredible Scenes: PAOK v Olympiakos Greek Cup Clash Abandonded After Fan Violence (Photos & Video)

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A Wednesday night Greek Cup clashhad to be abandoned after PAOK fans fought with riot police and ignited massesof flares.

The problems started when home side PAOK were denied a penalty late on, with Olympiakos leading 2-1. The irate fans duly rioted, with police firing tear gas as the fans entered the pitch.

Gunner’s Groundhog Day: Arsenal Out-Arsenal Themselves In Feeble 2-1 Home Defeat To Swansea (Photos & Video)

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Failure to turn possession into goals? CHECK. Glaring misses? CHECK. Lack of heart? CHECK. Poor defending leading to opposition goal? CHECK. Injury to key player? CHECK.Yes, Arsenal's lily-livered 2-1 defeat at home to Swansea summed up all that is wrong about the north Londoners in recent years, and gave their title hopes another kick in the privates.

Now You See It, Now You Don’t: Roberto Firmino Tricks Joe Hart As Liverpool Beat Man City 3-0 At Anfield (Video)

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Liverpool exacted swift revenge on Manchester City for their weekend League Cup final win, putting three past the Citizens in a deserved win at Anfield. However, while 'keeper Willy Caballero enjoyed a match-winning display at Wembley, the returning Joe Hart had a Wednesday night to forget, with Reds' scorer Roberto Firmino adding to his woes with a cheeky ball-hiding trick.

FAIL: Malaga ‘Keeper Carlos Kameni Scores Spectacularly Daft Own-Goal Against Valencia (Video)

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One for the purists: Here's Carlos Kameni's display of technical excellence while tending goal for Malaga against Valencia tonight...

Carlos Kameni just did this vs Valencia... pic.twitter.com/CjqxG3T5er

— The Football Feed (@TheFutbolFeed) March 2, 2016


Adam Johnson Found Guilty Of Child Sex Charge, Told To Expect Prison Sentence Of ‘At Least Four Years’

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The jury hath spoken. Adam Johnson has been found guilty ofone count of sexual activity with a child.

The disgraced ex-Sunderland winger hadpreviously pleaded guilty to grooming a 15-year-old girl and one charge of sexual activity with her.

According to the BBC, Johnson was cleared over an oral sex claim but convicted him by a 10-2 majority on the charge of 'sexual touching'.

German Club SV Sandhausen Join Forces With ‘Eco-Friendly’ Brothel, Offer Fans Discount Rates

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German second tier side SV Sandhausen have secured a sponsorship deal that is certain to go down well with a certain section of their supporters namely the 'sex-starved perv' demographic.

Sandhausen recently announced that they have successfully agreed a commercial partnership deal with local brothelBienenstock Eros Centre (which translates as 'Beehive'), which is located in the neighbouring town ofHeidelberg.

Ex-Arsenal Crock Abou Diaby Suffers 100th Career Injury After Breaking Down (Again) In Marseille Training

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Coming as a surprise to precisely nobody, Marseille have confirmed that Abou Diaby has pulled up with an injury during today's training session.

Coach Miguel Gonzalez confirmed as much in his press conference this afternoon, informing all and sundry that Diaby (who is still only 29) suffered a calf injury during the session and as such has been ruled out for an undetermined period of time.

Fear And Loathing: Barcelona’s New 2016/17 Training Kit Is Trippy As F**k (Leaked Photos)

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The chaps over at Footy Headlines have managed to get their grubby paws on leaked photos of Barcelona's new training kit for 2017 and, put it this way, we'd like to sample whatever the Nike design team were knocking back when they came up with it.

The shirt in particular is a stone cold mind-f**k of a garment, with the design blending subtle shades of dazzle camouflage, trippy angular doodles and psychosis-inducing acid flashbacks.

‘We Are Sh*t’ – Vice-Captain Medhi Lacen Offers Inspirational Words After Getafe Slump To Yet Another Dismal Defeat

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Image: Movistar (via MARCA)

Suffice to say that things are not going particularly well for Getafe at the moment. La Liga's most forlorn team are currently hovering twopoints above the relegation zone andalso happen to boast the worst form in the entire league as well.

Allow usto throw some figures at you:Getafe havelost every single one of their last seven games, conceding 16 timesin the process.

UEFA Hit Galatasaray With One-Year Ban From European Competition Over Financial Fair Play Issues

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Word on the wire emanating from the Turkish press is that UEFA have slapped Galatasaray with a one-year ban from all European competition after the club failed to following financial fair play regulations.

While it's not quite official yet (as in, it's yet to be confirmed by UEFA themselves), it's being widely reported that Gala have been suspended.

On This Day In 1991: Ryan Giggs Enters The Fray At Manchester United For The Very First Time (Video)

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Giggs in 1991, back when the world was still black and white

It was on this day, a quarter of a century ago that a gangly 17-year-old whippetcalled Ryan Giggs made his first team debut for Manchester United.

The opponents at Old Trafford were Everton and the Reds went on to lose 2-0.

Reports: Man Utd, Man City, Arsenal, Chelsea And Liverpool Hold Secret Talks Over Forming ‘European Super League’

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The Sun are going big today with their claims that five of the Premier League's biggest cash-cows have held "secret talks" to form a splinter competition of their very own.

The story is largely based on the fact that top brass executivesfrom Manchester United, Man City, Liverpool, Chelsea and Arsenal were all spotted leaving the same London hotel yesterday after meeting withAmerican real estate billionaire Stephen Ross.

Ouch: Plymouth Defender Jordon Forster Suffers Broken Jaw After Sliding Head-First Into Advertising Hoarding

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Photo: Dave Rowntree/Pinnacle (via Plymouth Herald)

Plymouth Argyle lost defender Jordon Forster for the rest of the season during their 1-0 loss at Barnet last night after the loanee centre-back suffered a "sickening" injury in the most unfortunate of circumstances.

The 22-year-old was rushed to hospital after breaking his jaw in a head-first collision with an advertising hoarding at the side of Barnet's pitch.

Rogue Flare Launched By Wolfsburg Fans Shoots Straight Into The Hannover Dugout (Video)

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Wolfsburg pulverised Hannover on their own patch in the Bundesliga last night as Andre Schurrle snaffled himself a long-overdue hat-trick in a 0-4 away win.

However, the victory was somewhat marred by an incident that saw a rogue flare launched from the Wolfsburg section that landed smack, dab in Hannover's dugout before kick-off, sending several members ofstaff fleeing.

Ouch: Fourth Official Kevin Friend Taken To Hospital After Banging Head On Dugout During Bournemouth v Southampton

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Bournemouth's south-coast clash with Southampton on Tuesday evening was delayed at half-timeafter fourth official Kevin Friend slipped and hit his head on one of the dugouts.

Embed from Getty Images

The incidents towards the end of the first period, when Friend looked to have collapsed for no reason, with some fans fearing the worst.

No Heroes Just Villans: Aston Villa Fans Stage Walk-Out As Remi Garde’s Strugglers Lose 3-1 To Everton (Video)

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Aston Villa moved a step closer to the Championship on Tuesday night, with Remi Garde's doomed side losing 3-1 at home to Everton. The game also saw a large number of the home fans stage a walk-out on 74 minutes, in protest at American owner Randy Lerner and his less than impressive stewardship of the famous club.

Olimpico Goal: Phil Neville’s Son Harvey, 13, Scores Direct From Corner For Valencia Youth Team (Video)

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Not that he's going to be getting a call-up from Uncle Gary any time soon (he's still only 13, after all), but Harvey Neville, son of Phillip, scored a bit of a peach while playing for Valencia's youth team in a recent game.

Charged with corner-taking duties, Harvey Nev somehow managed to send the ball across the box and directly into the far top corner, thus netting what's known as an 'Olimpico' goal in latin football parlance.

‘He’s No Homer Simpson’ – West Ham Boss Slaven Bilic Critiques Michail Antonio’s Goal Celebration

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Pies, much like the entire internet, couldn't help but notice the parallel between Michail Antonio's post-goal celebrations against Sunderland on Saturday afternoon and one of Dancin' Homer Simpson's most famous pieces of choreography.

The West Ham winger opened the scoring after half an hour and proceeded to celebrate by getting down on the ground and marching round in a circle on the turf.

Presenting: The Most Pivotal Piece Of Testimony To Emerge From The Adam Johnson Trial

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With the jury having just sent out in the ongoing trial of formerSunderland winger Adam Johnson, a stunning factoid of salient information has come to the fore.

As reported diligently by Daily Mail journalist Craig Hope, we're treated toan intriguing bit of testimony from Johnson's ex-partner, Stacey Flounders.

Reports: Cristiano Ronaldo Has ‘Stopped Moving’ During Real Madrid Training Sessions

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With their La Liga title push all but scuppered for this season, things are starting to get a bit antsy at Real Madrid.

A 1-0 home defeat in the Madrid derby at the weekend saw Cristiano Ronaldo publicly castigate his teammates for letting him down, ranting to MARCA:

If we were all at my level, maybe we would be (league) leaders.

North London Derby Special: 5 Cringe-Inducingly Embarrassing Tottenham & Arsenal Fan Anthems (Videos)

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With a rather important North London derby beginning to crown on the horizon, Piesthought we'd get into the swing of things by popping on a few rousing fan anthems to get the juices flowing.

Sadly, all we could find was this shower a multitude of toe-curling assaults on the auditory system from both sides of the divide.

Manchester United: Dutch TV Cameras Capture Louis Van Gaal’s Dive From Fantastic Alternate Angle (Video)

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Here's a fantastic alternative angle of Louis van Gaal's startlingly graceful prat fall at Old Trafford the other day, as captured by Dutch television.

It clearly shows the second stage of the incidentwhich weirdly didn't seem to be picked up by the Sky Sportscameras...

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De geweldige parodie van Lucky TV op de schwalbe van Louis van Gaal.